#and the spores in nekrotafeyo

[coridallasmultipass]

Okay, so I opened a fic with Striders in it and randomly wanted to put on Borderlands 3 ambient music in the background (I'm having a depressed episode rn and wanted comfort.) And I thought Oh... There would be A War over who gets to be Zer0 in BL2. (Bc they won't do a double Zer0 run, let's face it, there can only be one.)

(( Shit fuck. Borderlands 1 happened in OCTOBER 2009. They never would've seen it in canon. Fuck it. Non-Sburb AU this mothafucka, they'll play all of 'em. #BLstuck ))

[sugar69sparkle]

F l o r a l o g u e  I I I

[eeveecryptid]

※ BORDERLANDS: CL4P-TP EDITION

Various lines that Claptrap has said through Borderlands 3 while scavenging parts for his new friend. feel free to adjust pronouns/phrasing if needed. May include nsfw material.

“joke's on them, haha! all we have inside is circuitry and tears.” “that one has a gyroscopic rotor! keeps us from falling over all the time. mine's been missing for years!” “that claptrap died trying to slide across a car hood. didn't know you could screw that up so bad!” “someone hung up that claptrap and repurposed him as a loudspeaker! barbaric! WE ARE NOT LOUDSPEAKERS!” “my friend's gonna throw the bumpingest parties, and now EVERYONE'S gonna show up!” “finally, i'll have someone to talk to who understands what i'm saying!” “that claptrap died fighting our greatest enemy: stairs!” “looks like he was testing an experimental stair-climbing module. ohhh, i see the problem. he didn't turn it on!” “look at THIS lazy bum!” “yes! that claptrap has a functioning eye! my friend will be SO happy! this universe does not fare well for eyeless robots.” “someone used that claptrap to jumpstart a generator! what could he have that would produce that kind of power?!” “a library of every dubstep song in the entire universe?! but-- they told me there was only one! the wub-wub one!” “when they say it's good to have friends in high places, i'm not sure this is what they were talking about.” “now someone can listen to my podcast besides me! my audience just doubled! oh, mattress advertisers? i'm waaaaaaiting!” “hey! rough night? ha! . . . yeah, i know s/he's dead. let me have this!” “guy must have been expecting some action! he was packing a serious firewall. smart move- you never know what kinda nasty networks someone's been interfacing with. knew a guy who dated a tediore shotgun, and his wheel rotted right off his axle!” “another claptrap, ground beneath the crushing wheels of industry, its back broken as it holds the weight of the world upon its shoulders. ---ooh, what can we steal from it?” “died tickling the old ivories! you wouldn't think our clamps are suited to the piano. and they aren't!” “that guy's got a synthedope harmonizing module! sounds like someone won't have an excuse to miss karaoke night this time! “hahahahahaha-- look at this freaking nerd! haha! he read a book so hard, he died! ahahahaha! what a freaking nerd! ha!” “oh good, a poetry module. that makes me feel . . . good!” “this guy tried to interface with a generator! classic rookie mistake. i mean, heh- we ALL wanna get with a generator. just gotta be smart about it!” “it turns out you CAN synthesize love, with a standard-issue love module! i may not pass the Turing test, but you better believe i pass the Alluring test!” “hah! he got stuck! must have been that big ol' rump!” “yeah! my new friend is gonna have some 'thicc' rear paneling! if you want that looty, you better have an armored booty! ... that's, uh- that was- that was thick with two 'c's, by the way.” “i didn't know claptraps could drown! now i have an entirely new set of fears! thanks!” “with that new paint job, no one will confuse my friend for me! friend or not, no one steals my spotlight and lives to tell the tale! NO ONE!” “junked! in the prime of his/her life!” “it's not often you see a claptrap hair unit. i haven't seen one since my mohawk on liar's berg. yeah, i was pretty punk rock back then.” “whoa, looks like SOMEONE was a chewtoy for a saurian! i get it, we're delicious.” “with that ultra-premium grade multitasking personality modifier, my new best friend will be able to cower and grandstand at the same time!” “someone pushed that guy out of his wheelchair! who does that?!” “you know what they say: 'when the almighty robot policeman closes a door, just open that thing back up!'” “looks like this guy survived a ship crash, only to die in a swamp! sometimes, inside a silver lining is another lining made of swamp poop.” “oh, that's a cl4p-tp hard disk slot. perfect! that'll help my new friend store all her new memories of spending time only with me.” “look at this spore-head! out of his mind on spores! this is what happens when we don't educate our claptraps.” “that's an extended long-term memory enhancement chip! that's super helpful, because our short-term memories are horrible! who are you again? oh, hey! an extended long-term memory enhancement chip!” “someone was dismantling this claptrap for parts! well, one person's robocide is our windfall!” “looks like this guy had it all figured out! interfaced himself to death in a porn cave. we should all be so lucky.” “that's a rugged vzk all-terrain package! it's like four-wheel drive, but in a single wheel! that's just math.” “whoever stuffed this guy into a tire must have hated claptraps. so we've narrowed the suspect list down to ... all of pandora.” “with that wheel, my new friend will be able to dance like a graceful gazelle, if gazelles walked on a single wheel.” “it's a mercenary day miracle! except for that guy.” “with those RGB LEDs, my friend will finally be as beautiful on the outside as i am on the inside!” “oh, he was SO CLOSE to that gas can when he ran out of gas. that's so poignant! weird word. poignant. /poignant/.” “oh, look! that claptrap unit was using his reinforced hand clamps to save that other claptrap unit! how heroic!” “'nooooo!' is what i'd be saying if i didn't super-need those hand clamps! suckers! with that pristine set of cl4-mp hand units, my friend and i can hold hands as we frolic through the meadows and wildflowers and stuff!” “looks like that guy died of excitement! listen up, kids. sometimes thrills . . . can KILLS.” “a functioning pair of cl-class arm units? maybe i'll finally know what a hug feels like.” “awww, the psychos must have adopted that dead claptrap as one of their own. that's- i was gonna say touching, but honestly kinda creepy.” “an adorable heart accessory! no idea what that does, but you can't argue with accessories!” “that's one of the exploratory claptraps sent out to find alien worlds! it found nekrotafeyo on its own! and then got eaten by a plant. circle of life, baby!” “the series-4 vernaculon spectral vocalizer allows for all sorts of figurative language! it's like a spice rack for the speech center!” “rocket safety, people, i can't stress this enough. those things'll crush you!” “ah, a volume control knob. a small but very important upgrade. because who doesn't like TO YELL SOMETIMES?!” “i mean ... guy's on fire.” “oh good, you found some heat vents! that'll be vital for my friend, because we claptraps run hot! reaaaal hot.” “drowned in an alien sea! what voidic mysteries were his final sights? what dark songs of the deep his dirge?” “standard claptrap arms only have thirty-five degrees of movement- not NEARLY enough for high fives! but with this fancy rotator module, we can slap clamp all day long!” “how'd this guy even get here? maybe this place works differently with space... and time!” “oh great! a functioning sarcasm module. i'm just /so happy/ my friend will know when's an appropriate time to use the /all-important/ social tool that is sarcasm!”