#and the thing about the Real Zayvia is that they can't do that. even if thats their instinct. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

isaacathom · 10 months

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cause like, Zayvia's entire thing is that they are constantly, and largely consistently, choosing kindness. they choose to do nice things for other people. it is not an effortless process. their instinct is always to the self, always to look after themself alone. they choose to extend it outwards, against their 'nature', because no matter what they know that its good.

and because they regularly make these deliberate choices, where their hesitation and pause is easily read as shyness, it would be a real fuckin curveball for them to be possessed or otherwise manipulated and controlled into ignoring that drive to be better. to shut off the part of them that says that the self is good, but its nothing alone. to shut that off and be an absolute piece of work.

#story blogging #zayvia's nature is to be selfish. and thats not the same as being cruel i think #its about surviving. it always has been. and it probably always will be #but zayvia knows that. they arent a fool. they know thats no way to be when working with others #they do kind things because they know thats right. it just takes work #and so nixing that part would be very similar to. for lack of phrase. making them a child again #a kid scared and alone and thrust into a world that demands their death for the crime of not having someone look after them #a kid forced to grab their own life in their hands and be accountable to it. zayvia survives because they say so #a zayvia no longer caring about trying to counteract that drive would be casually callous and cruel #its not about wanting to hurt others. its about ignoring when you do when its in service to yourself #and the thing about the Real Zayvia is that they can't do that. even if thats their instinct.#Seward is wrong about a lot of things but Zayvia being a worse gunner than Ogawa? she's bang on #because Ogawa *could* actually ignore that harm in service of their duty #and Zayvia can't. not really. not long enough. it will always come back around.#it might work for the beat of sheer adrenaline. and then it comes back.#zayvias got a lot of shit going on i like them.

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