#and the way my depressive episodes follow a pattern but not rly a seasonal one.

[ghostzzy]

anyway the bipolar ii diagnosis sure puts a lot of things in context

[steves-strapcollection]

my mag172 #thots i will not be swayed from

The tl;dr version:

Fuck the web

Fuck Web!Martin theories (like i cannot even properly articulate why i hate this theory so much now, and I used to subscribe to it)

And fuck Annabelle Cane, I literally hate her with my entire being.

As a recovering addict, I would say... this is the best episode of the show, and I will also never, ever listen to it again.

Now the long version below the cut.

So I hate the Web, and I hate Annabelle Cane. To me, the other fears make sense on a primal human level. The Web is just...pure evil. It was born from the choices of evil people, and is only used for evil. Plain and simple. It is, at it’s core the worst fear and I hate it. There is nothing anyone can say that will make me not hate it.

Because of point number one, I refuse to believe in or subscribe to literally any Web!Martin theory. At all. Listen, MAG170 killed Web!Martin theories completely, imho, and any amount of theorizing in favour of Web!Martin is grasping at straws. But I refuse to believe that my perfect boy, who spent the entire time in the Lonely defending his abuser, who busted his own ass out of the Lonely bc he was in love would be part of something as evil as the Web. Like I just....I feel like there was no way to have had an episode, completely from the POV of Martin, and not gotten any spoken hint at him being even remotely connected to the Web. Just. No.

The argument at the beginning, if you could call that an argument: I have noticed, especially in recent episodes, that Jon seems influenced by the domain and especially the “statement giver” before he even begins his monologue. Like...kinda showing how the forced Knowing creeps up on him? This theory of mine has been in the back of my mind since MAG168 but I don’t know how to fully explain it because it just fully formed in my head after this episode. Something changed after Oliver’s statement, just like it did in Season 1, and again at the beginning of Season 4. In MAG170, Jon got separated from Martin, and I feel like...Jon wouldn’t have just....left Martin behind, even by accident, even during a monologue and I just...I feel like, to some degree, Jon had been at least a little bit influenced by the Lonely and got separated that way. And then in the Flesh, approaching Jared, Jon was confused that Martin didn’t find the flesh flowers beautiful, and the way he said it...it struck me as a very Jared thing to say. And then the way Jon talked in this episode, the way Jon got defensive and sniped at Martin just....it was very similar in feeling to Francis’ own words being mirrored back to them by the spider. Just....i’m not sure where I’m going with this, or even if it has sound basis in canon. It’s just been a pattern I’ve noticed but it was made clearer to me now.

I refuse to see that final interaction with Martin and Jon as anything other than two frustrated and exhausted men trudging through the apocalypse, and whatnot. Like I can just hear the absolutely lukewarm takes ppl will have and just. Nah, leave me out of it.

Loved the explanation about Knowing vs. Understanding.

Also loving Jon and Martin still discussing boundaries, and Martin has a right to said boundaries, and I’m getting where he’s coming from in now wanting to know, or for Jon to Know. I think I would be the same, not wanting to know if my feelings for someone or choices were my own or made for me, especially if I had gone through as much as Martin has. I rly did not see this as an omen of any kind, especially with them having that conversation in the middle of the Web’s domain.

This episode was hard. I’m recovering from alcoholism, I’ve recovered from cigarette addiction repeatedly, and also struggle with binge eating disorder which is often treated the same way as an addiction would in therapy. I relate to Francis as a recovering addict, and I thought this episode did an amazing job in illustrating addiction, and relapse, and the little ways addicts get undermined and undermine themselves in the recovery process. I don’t think this episode compared addiction to being a monster, nor do I think it downplayed the mental illness aspect of addiction. I made a post earlier about how these statements are mad with heavy bias, especially during the apocalypse, and they’re about fear. Recognizing that addiction is a mental illness and showing it as such does not translate fear, and if it did, I feel like that would be more the Corruption’s domain than any others. The Web is about not being in control, it’s about not having a choice or free will, it’s about feeling trapped by the choices you once made and are unable to make choices that contradict those. With addiction, that is a very real feeling. You can tell me all day that it’s mental illness, it’s rooted in depression or anxiety or whatever, and all you have to do is treat that cause and address it blah blah blah. I know. We know. But when you’re struggling with a relapse, or a near-relapse, it does not feel like you’re in control, it does not feel like you are driving your own body. It feels like someone else is behind the wheel, and you hate that person, and you are terrified of that person. That person is ruining your life and you feel like you cannot fucking stop them. But then you do! You can do it. And a lot of us succeed, and I feel like if the world hadn’t ended, Francis would be doing okay. Just like I’m doing okay. And the countless other recovering addicts I know. But in a fictional world, where our fears are actual entities, with physical avatars doing their bidding everywhere, in an apocalyptic hellscape where the fears EXIST ON OUR PLANE of reality, where people are forced to live through their greatest fears forever.

Idk, i just thought this was a really good episode and I’m debating blacklisting TMA until next week lmao.

I just wanted to add this bc I rly don't want ppl to eventually come at me about their personal experiences w addiction and just... Jonny confirmed that he wrote this episode from his own experiences as an addict and his fears regarding addiction, plus that season 5 is about fear not truth so.

Read the following tweets before trying to push your experiences as the "truer" experience or whatevs I've already been seeing.