#and then it came around to the back door
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Okay but the life of the legendary Shovana Narayan altered my brain chemistry, a superb academic record hold, a maestro in kathak and then also a civil services officer with a long distance marriage and motherhood
If she could do this in the 50s and 60s, wtf is stopping me from doing so, when I have never wanted just one thing to define me
#samridhi speaks#also to my ex who told me things likw your relationship will never work out with him because of different life goals#lol this woman married a diplomat and they managed a long distance marriage too#her husband paved doors foe collabs with the West with Indian dance back then#this is the kind of love I want sure physical intimacy is needed and what not but God I am never giving up all of this to marry#and I still remember him saying you give those soft mothet vibes who is a part time mother and dancer#bye I will girlboss all my life and be all right in front of guys like some of my cousins who think we girls his sisters will just marry#and settle down amd to my ex too for thinking I will be easy and live out a simplw life#fuck everything the only understanding men in my life have been my father brother and my boyfriend at this point#weird that he never grew up around sisters but still is so aware and understanding of women and our desire for dreams#lol I am ranting but yes I have an exam in 6 hours my sleep got over by 2.30#and then I was googling gpat niper prep#yeah it's first sem but I keep wanting to updatw on the info#and God knows what struck me to google dancers randomly who were into civil service academia and still being legends in the arts#then shovana narayan came up
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What exactly was your plan here, Maggie? Drag him out naked? Join him?
#neggie#negan smith#maggie greene#dead city#the walking dead: dead city#the walking dead#jeffrey dean morgan#lauren cohan#jdmedit#neganedit#negan#i would really like to know#she KNEW he was in the shower so what was she going to do?#would've loved if he turned around or came out right as she entered and she got an eye full#even behind that glass door negan looks SO GOOD#HIS BACK HIS MUSCLES HIM#my stuff#my gifs
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whenever i tell my mom that they made fun of me at class for liking taylor or anything of the sorts she says "i kinda understand them because they see you as an obsessive fan and childish" ... excuse me?
the whole concept of "fangirls are obsessive, weird and annoying" comes, in my opinion, from a clear place of misogyny and i think that as of today a lot of people have finally realized it... is the same thing said about men who engage in fights and scream like animals when their favorite football/soccer team scores? no! for them that's "for the love of the game"
no one is childish for simply being excited about something they enjoy (and taylor has said this herself), everything that makes you happy is worth it and no one should make you feel bad about it. i like taylor's music and it brings me comfort, makes me feel seen or brings me up when i'm down (and i could keep going but that's not the point), that's why i get excited when she does ssomething or my friends bring her up in a conversation, that's literally all
#taylor swift#rant#i'm just tired of this sry#this is because today is world book day so my best friend and i gifted each other a book#and she bought me one about taylor's musical evolution through her eras so obviously i got super excited#i went running over to the girl who is coming to the concert with me to show her and then came back to hug my best friend#and everyone around (even the teacher who was opening the door) was looking at me weirdly or laughing jsakjsd like sorry for being happy ig#the teacher told my friend '...it's something related to taylor swift isn't it...? 😐' hell yeah it is. if you don't like it look away
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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once again thinking about that forge comic where he lights some dudes cigarette and then takes it or something and the dude is freaked out bc he cant see him, but forge was wearing the armor that he was physically lugging around and thus wouldve been seen
#ever since that comic came out it randomly comes to mind and haunts me#i think it was a filler comic. and by that i mean i KNOW it was. but i think its been pulled down since. i have it saved to my comp tho#was thinking about how powerful spirits are poltergeists and able to be seen by all/hide themselves amongst the populace#like forge or the witch respectively#god did spender even realize how powerful forge was??? that he was lugging around an entire suit of armor????#paranatural#armor that was most likely made by june. armor that he refused to melt down and turn into a door#carrying around the last momento of the woman you killed. whose death weighs on you and is a stain on your soul. carrying your baggage#oughhhhh its thinking about forge hours. I GUESS#post cancelled i checked back at the start of chapter 4 and his armors invisible. a fact i always forget based on it staying post death#and not being on him when we see him in chapter 5
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…
#there’s this handsome straight dad who comes into my work sometimes#the first day he ever came in he said “be good’’ when he left and that’s been living in my head rent-free ever since#he came in today when it was ten minutes to close and we chatted for a bit#when I left him to do his shopping he tapped his hand on the small of my back and said thanks for the help#I showed him this jock harness I’m working on that’s cowboy as hell#he laughed and said “you stay on that western stuff huh’’#guilty as charged#he handed it back to me and said ‘‘I wish I knew how to quit you — that’s exactly what it made me think of!#I don’t know if it was a mistake but when he left he said ‘‘love you; be good”#I’d already locked the doors so I walked back to the break room away from the window view and just#like#😤🫠🥺#anyway my heart’s a hoe and I’m so fucking gay#lubbock texas#personal as hell#we've always been around
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.
#awful day guys. truly awful.#my buddy doctor is away for the second time in three weeks AND i was away a couple of days in between#so I'm covering all her patients and i haven't caught up from the LAST time she was away#i am also very bemused by her decisions. you know what i am NOT doing anything with that test#you ordered it last time (a test i would never do in a baby) and it came back weird so i called paeds and they said i would never do that#test in a baby#WHICH I WROTE DOWN#i do not know WHY you ordered it again and i am NOT making it my problem this time around#anyway. very long day. then my coworker set the alarm on me. then i finally went out to my car and to cap it off#it had been raining and my door leaked??? the driver seat was all wet!#what an end to a day#i have ordered curry but i had to order from the kinda flaky place bc most places are closed on a Monday#so hoping it doesn't take forever and i can enjoy a curry at the end of a terrible day
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...
#Furby died and I'm devistated#what was wrong was even worse than her dying from spider bite or snake#we figured out it was my young cousin and my friend's 7 year old playing outside and running around like mad#and he accidentally swung the door and it slammed her#I went back to bed that morning despite feeling the nudge to get up and join everyone#and it feels like if I'd been up I would have been out with them and could have prevented it#I miss her so much and she was so into everything and underfoot I keep seeing her everywhere#I spent most of the day at the vet#she was still alive this morning so I started having hope that she could make it#I've lost 5 pets in the last year and a bit to all different things and I'm so tired#I try so hard to take good care of them and it just keeps happening#why do my pets keep dying?#I didn't want Furby when she first came and I thought I was just taming her for a week to go to a new home#I'd only really just started thinking of her as specifically my cat and imagining having her for 15 more years#and now she's dead at 5 months#I'm so full of grief and so tired
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I think I might have a cat?
#he loves me so much that when he heard me light up out my window he came running to sit beneath#and kept meowing at me and then looking at the door 1 story below me. Yes Baby I Know U Want In But U Have Fleas#anyway i have to take him to the vet but he seemed semiferal when i met him a while back and now that ive earned his trust he hangs around#like literally all day. so i doubt he was a wanted kitten if he was in fact owned at some point#and i also have to ask my grandma if i can keep him while im staying with her lol#scout talks high#yes im smoking out my bedroom window at 4am dont judge me i couldnt sleep
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Day 8 in NY: The Play That Goes Wrong!!! aka our last show
#the play that goes wrong#tptgw broadway#mischief theatre#mischief comedy#new york trip 2023#but omigod WHAT A SHOW TO END THE TRIP#TRULY GOING OUT WITH A BANG#and we had the most amazing stage door experience!!!!#the actors were amazing 🥺🥺🥺#basically there was no official stage door so my friend and I were rushing around the building#and managed to reach the makeshift stage door just in time to catch trevor#and we got to chat with him and he offered to take a selfie with hs#(please know that I made a point to not ask for selfies on this trip bc I feel awkward asking haha)#and then the rest of the cast came out one by one#got selfies with chris and dennis and got to chat with them all but max#max left while we were talking to dennis and chris but apparently he just flew in from chicago yesterday#the other maxes were out sick and he flew in last min and only got a few hours of rehearsals#but he and caroline chu (sandra) were understudies together so this was full circle moment for them!!#okay about the show real quick: one of annie’s papers flew into my lap so I put it back on the stage#I think that dennis remembered us bc of that#WE WERE SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW BY PURE LUCK#and omigod to be so close to the actors#truly today was the best experience and I am so glad that we’re ending this trip on such a high note
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#boris was attacked by my neighbor's dog and i've been crying so much. i'm so scared#it's 9pm so my sister is driving him to a vet 1 hour away cause the vets near close at 7pm#idk why bad things keep happening to him i'm so heartbroken idk what i'll do if he dies#my neighbor is a cruel bitch cause this happened around 1 pm and she didn't tell us. she hid him in a room#she was gonna let him die like that#my sister was supposed to take me somewhere tomorrow so she came home one day earlier#i'd been crying all afternoon and i told her to please ask around and then they (w mom and brother) went to my neighbor's house#they brought him back and he looked very weak and with blood all over#my sister called a friend of hers who's a vet and she came to see him and adviced to take him to a vet clinic#cause he was bloated and there was air(?) and her face was worried when she said that cause.. where does air come from#plus he was breathing weird#i had the worst panic attack the whole time since they brought him from the neighbor's house until they left with him#i couldn't even speak cause i couldn't stop crying#now i'm calm but i'm so worried#if my sister hadn't come home today boris would be still hurt and locked in my bitch neighbor's house#cause my mom thought i was being paranoid :( she wasn't going to ask around#cause she thought boris would come back since he's been missing before#also my sister's the only one who can drive#:(#i'm so angry cause that bitch next door heard me calling boris name all afternoon and didn't say shit#i hate her. not only bc of this but she's suck a snake in general. she's always gossiping shit about everyone#she didn't do anything and locked him in a room for like 7 hours. maybe those hours were crucial#idk. if boris dies i'm gonna do some crazy shit to this bitch so she'll have a reason to call me crazy
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Sometimes I remember that I’ve gone out of my way to give love to people who really didn’t deserve it and gosh it really hits me just how much I’ve learned about my own boundaries in just the last year alone.
#˚ʚ meda rants ɞ˚#like i can’t believe that around this time last year i was literally spending so much money to send a care package to a tumblr mutual#a person who always assumed the worst of me#a person who knew nothing about me but tried to call me their bestie#a person who was trying to buy my friendship#a person who loved dropping my name online only to completely ignore me in groups behind closed doors#a person who shamelessly doxxed me multiple times#i like to say that i’m not bitter anymore#but idk i came across an old ask i sent them and felt so bad for the me from last year#she was trying so hard to be liked by this person#a person who really only cared for people if they provided them with some benefit#i wish i could go back in time and snatch those friendship bracelets i made them#because they really didn’t deserve them or any of my love ;-;#lmao on today’s episode of ‘meda treats her tumblr like her personal diary’ xoxo
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I’m trying not to be a hater but that tiktok and comment section pissed me off so bad.
#the way the fics end in Bruce saying sorry and everyone coddling tim and tims like ‘well I was just a placeholder 🥺’#the fun part about tim is that he made grown ass decisions at a little ass age that literally everyone told him would turn out bad#and then it turned out bad and he knows he dug his own grave so he just has to pretty it up as best as he can#and if he could go back in time he would do that shit again BECAUSE HE LIKES IT! BECAUSE ITS EXCITING! BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE ROBIN#that Robin is a job shit is a lie he told himself that literally nobody around but YALL the stupid ass audience believed#that’s like the crux of him I think#lying to himself to get the job done because he can’t let his emotions get in the way but unfortunately that’s not how it works#and when he realizes that he gets pissed at everyone else for not letting it work and himself for not making it work#he somehow thinks that he can remove this attitude as tim Drake when Robin is the crutch tim Drake leans on in adulthood#which is an issue because now everyone around him is moving and he’s still stuck at 14 knocking on dicks door and hoping that he’ll have to#make use of the suit he brought with him. not because he’s excited or anything but just in case#his friends and family died and came back Gotham gets destroyed every other day and rebuilt every other week everything keeps changing but#nothing is and he’s stuck in that cycle and maybe it’s his fault for not letting things rest but he refuses to accept that because he’s GOOD#as Robin he does excellent work and always has and nothing will change that not even a new Robin. his friends are all making names for#themselves and he’s still stuck under Bruce’s cape fighting a teenager to be robin.#THATS whats fun about tim#the writing is stuck rn I’ll give u that but the next move should be an acknowledgment of that#tim doesn’t wanna peak in high school so he has to move on but he doesn’t know how and matter of fact doesn’t know why! nothings been this#permanent before (<-LYING!)#but no whatever everyone hates him realizes they’re wrong and he leaves Gotham bc he deserves better but comes back bc he’s so nice. ok.
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favorite part of work today was when i told the kids to get into two lines, n this one guy was like "i don't want to" n then started talking to his buddy in mandarin, n so then in chinese i was like, "hey, come here."
n he n his buddy looked at each other n then looked at me with like that faintly displeased expression that means they've realized they can't get away with not being that good at english (or feel terribly isolated from n indifferent to the adults bc they don't speak their language) anymore
and then when i told them to line up in mandarin they groaned abt it for sure but they did drag themselves into a line
#i walked in n this one kid handed me a book to read like a big hardcover graphic novel type thing n said i could look through it#so for kicks i started reading it out loud with all the silly voices n sound effects n blocking#and so then obviously the other children started to swarm me and god. kids have so much body heat#n you can feel it bc they have no personal space qwq#n anyway so i led them all to a different corner of the room and ended up reading 15 out of the 16 chapters of the book#out loud to a big chunk of the kids for like an hour w/a 5 min break halfway through for water#and when i came back the kids were organizing the chairs themselves into a semicircle to give me enough space to perform#i was sweating more than i have in Quite A While by the end bc again. children are So Warm n also being dramatic takes energy#the same kid who handed me the book today last year handed me some pokemon cards n i ended up spending all of spring camp#drawing pokemon from cards as references for kids to color n stuff bc i didn't want to go to the computer n print out coloring pages#so! i should probably stop spoiling/“yes and--”ing kids at work w/my nonsense but it gives them smth memorable at least#but also i am so fucking tired today lol i had to leave class as soon as it was done dash home to drop off my jacket n backpack#i didn't even have time to take off my shoes before entering the house so I Did An Unforgivable Sin (walked around w/shoes on)#n then put on my work jacket n dash out the door again to go to my 5.75 hr work shift o(--(#i don't regret it!! i did tell my boss i was free for afternoon camp shifts specifically bc i wanted these shifts even tho timing'd be tigh#successfully taught a kid to tie his shoelaces today though!!!!! what's w/kids n always using the very tips of their laces to mimic you tho#when you are very clearly handling the parts of the laces right next to your foot. it did click for him tho eventually#the worm speaks
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ive been here an hour and im already so bored
#within five minutes of me walking in the door my mom was asking me to do chores#apparently there was still cat fur existing on the couch after i lint rolled it when i left#so she just refused to use the couch until i came back and then had me fix it??#ive been gone for over a month wtf#also shes working on some project so after talking to me for like two minutes she went back to her thing and im just kinda hanging around#she brought the cat indoors finally which is good#and now the cat lives in my old room#so ive been hanging out with an old old kitty#also i was gonna hang out with friends at some point but the one is sick so idk if thats still happening
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