#and then tying THAT to “should i have chosen an indian name instead of victor”
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hmm
#having thoughts that i cant rly verbalize well#about being a 2nd gen immigrant who's extremely alienated from my familys culture#largely bc i associate it with their abuse#and bc my parents are extremely religious that culture has only been presented to me through an extremely religious viewpoint#apparently the other brown ppl are like. watching bollywood movies and eating at indian restaurants and indulging in all the secular stuff#meanwhile ive never been allowed to interact with any of that but i HAVE been forced into religious stuff against my will which sucked#and then tying all that back to “im not even a real indian person im basically just white”#and then tying THAT to “should i have chosen an indian name instead of victor”#and the whole being a poc surrounded by eurocentric beauty standards = ppl telling me i look masc#when i look in the mirror and what i see is definitively feminine#but i feel like im at the point of no return where i cant connect meaningfully to that culture anymore (ig ive effectively been whitewashed)#literally no one reading this is going to relate lmao but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void#idk if i articulated my thoughts well but i DID say its hard for me to verbalize esp without someone else to bounce off of#pigeon coos
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