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#and they changed it up for worlds anyways (took out paparazzi+bad romance+just dance)
talkfastcal · 7 months
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*clears throat*
hello my little monsters I live for the applause applause applause I live for the applause plause live for the applause plause live for the way that you cheer and scream for me the applause applause THE STARS ARE GAGA FOR GAGA!! Give me that thing that I love I’ll turn the lights out put your hands up make ‘em touch WORLD CUP! Give me that thing I love I’ll turn the lights out put your hands up make ‘em touch (touch) THE CROWD GOES WILD FOR THE SHOOTING STARS! Thank you you all are so wonderful please hold your applause SHHH OHH BOY YOUVE LEFT ME SPEECHLESS YOUVE LEFT ME SPEECHLESS SO SPEECHLESS! AND ILL!! NEVER LOVE AGAIN!! OHH BOY YOUVE LEFT ME SPEECHLESS YOUVE LEFT ME SPEECHLESS SO SPEECHLESS!! You’re a shooting starstruck CANT READ MY CANT READ MY NO HE CANT READ MY POKER FACE! SHES GOT ME LIKE NOBODY gaga in the room YOU KNOW THAT BABY I! IM! YOUR! BIGGEST! FAN! AND ILL FOLLOW YOU UNTIL YOU LOVE ME! PAPA 📸 PAPARAZZI BABY THERES NO OTHER SUPERSTAR LIKE SHOOTING! STARS! I’m beautiful in my way cause god makes no mistakes I’m on the right track baby I was born this way don’t hide yourself in regret just love yourself and you’re set I’m on the right track baby I was born this way ooh there ain’t no other way baby I was born this way baby I was born this way (born this way) ooh there ain’t no other way baby I was born this way right track baby I was born this way don’t be a drag just be a queen don’t be a drag just be a queen LETS HAVE SOME FUN WITH THE GOLD AND BLACK THESE SHOOTING STARS ARE GOING BACK TO BACK! HUH!! IM ON THE EDGE! OF GLORY! AND IM HANGING ON A MOMENT OF TRUTH IM ON THE EDGE THE EDGE THE EDGE THE EDGE THE EDGE THE EDGE THE EDGE! IM ON THE EDGE WITH YOU! *WORLD* RAH RAH RAH AHH ROMA ROMAMA *CUP* GAGA OOH LA LA WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE! RAH RAH RAH AHHH ROMA ROMAMA GAGA OOH LA LA alright! Alright! JUST DANCE! gonna be okay da da do just dance spin that record babe da da do just dance STARS!!!!
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draftno9000 · 6 years
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Lady Gaga’s Enigma: Inside the outside.
"Music is essentialy twelve notes between any octave; all any artist can offer the world is how they see those twelve notes.."
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It's an understatement to say that Las Vegas is one of the most important cities for the music industry and entertainment, to the visitors it offers endless sources of multiple activities that take the daily routine and stressful daily life pressure away and bring lights, fun and even gambling to the table. But in this case, the city specially takes music performances and concerts to another level. For years, the streets of this city in Nevada kept in their hearts the talents of enormous and really iconic legends as Cher, Celine Dion and Mariah Carey, (just to mention some of them) and made them look like they were a gem needed of perpetuation and admiration that attracted millions of followers to one single place. On an artistic way, we should consider Las Vegas residencies as a museum of the most emblematic artists that are not afraid to build a mind-blowing show that could easily overshadow their scene domination and vocals skills. 
On March 2018 Lady Gaga made official her Las Vegas residency starting on December 2018 until late November 2019, with a total of 74 shows. As the name was published, 'Enigma' quickly created a hot burning fuss around her loyal fans and set the record straight on aiming to give a premium quality show. As months went by since the show announcement, Gaga flashed on social media a bunch of pictures and videos that were able to get into the followers minds and grow inside the seed of high expectations and enigmatic elements that would make the attendants gasp and ask for more. It was already clear that the main objective was already fulfilled: entertain. But the game-changing factor about preparing a full pop concert for months is to go further than the expected.
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It's really important to remember that music labels bet more than money on letting one of their artists sign an exclusivity contract with a single venue or hotel as Ceasar's Palace or MGM hotels when there are hundreds of safer reputation-linked options for an artist career. A residency is an ultimate risk: it could make a whole career that took years to be stablished among thousands of other singers or bands look like a forgotten artist ready to farewell, or add a priceless milestone to the ongoing performer. 
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As the main doors for general admission opened at 9:00 pm on December 28th for the opening night, Gaga's crew had already made a fucking big statement by letting people witness a breath taking simple stage that could only make you wonder: What is this? in a good way. When you hear 'Gaga' you can think of a million ways to descrive her, but I think the most accurate and simple word to break her down is: crazyness. Which is not helping her at all. Even if she wanted to sit on a chair with brown hair and make everyone shiver on their seats with her un-taming vocals, everyone would be asking for more. Because we're at Park MGM in Las Vegas, you'll demand to make every penny spent on your ticket worth it. 
The lights turned off and a flying- full of light and mirrored-suited Lady came down the ceiling with a keytar attached to her guts and her hands, ready to unbelt a nailed opening track: Just Dance, followed by general public recognized bangers as Poker Face and LoveGame. At this point you already owe money to the backstage work made to wow you. The perfectly fitted outfit, the theme-according electric blue wig that remains flawless through original choreographies, and the sassy-attitude dancers beg for more than your attention, your live-experiences passion. 
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As the 'Venus' performer quickly changed her look from weave to heels, a set of fan-favorite hits were about to play. 'Dance In The Dark' refilled the fan base's hunger with a live perfomance of a song that she didn't sing since her 'Monster Ball Tour' on 2010; full of energy and obscene pop dance moves Gaga gave her little monsters the flashback moment of the night. As 'Beautiful, Dirty, Rich' and 'The Fame' blasted the speakers for a 5,000 crowd, the attendants were singing along to memorable non-single lyrics but the critics went to the doubt point as wondering if they were a wise choice to include on the setlist, which personally I think it wasn't.
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With only 5 studio albums, an original soundtrack and 21 official singles, it gets complicated to dismiss songs that most of the people awaits and include long-time forgotten and underestimated tunes to bring a spin to the expected. 'Telephone' made the cut by closing the second act of the show while 'Applause' got to open the next one with no big excitement along. Choices.
The whole 2 hour show is narrated and story-told by 'Enigma' a digital high technology character that interacts with Gaga through the interludes and give an unnecesary story to the experience. As we know, the thin line between giving meaning to a concert's concept and making it hard to understand, was crossed with Gaga's abduction into another kind of paralel universe. When alienated Gaga is flying on a metal orbit above the crowd while singing Paparazzi we couldn't help but to enjoy the obligated awaited song and ask for more. But then, it happened. 
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The awkwardness swallowed the crowd into Gaga's versatility as writer, singer and performer while she sang an epic performance of ARTPOP's opening track Aura while her black-leather corset pushed her vocals and body moves to her finest. '..Enigma pop star is fun..', right?
Nobody asked, but she gave us anyway a recipe for jaw-drops: First, get back on stage while riding a metal-aracnic robot. Second, play a fake-german non-single for your most loyal fans: 'Scheisse'. And last but not least, rock a metalic and futuristic styled outfit that lights up your boobs while you command everyone to dance and sing their lungs out. Period. And, as a hardcore pop enviroment was flotating in the air, 'Judas' started playing hitting the high notes and a violent role-play for almost 4 minutes. For the third song of the act production could have wrote *Madness* on the setlist instead of spelling the track's title 'Government Hooker'. At the end of the segment comes a cover of David Bowie's 'I'm Afraid Of Americans' as a friendly reminder of two essential Lady Gaga's components: legends as inspiration and a political message hidden underneath colossal synths.
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I will always stay true to the belief that when you have an integral timeless pop hit as 'The Edge of Glory' or 'Alejandro' all you need to do is sing and dance your talents off and you'll get to a most memorable moment on the attendant's memories than a full of props-already expected performance. The MGM Park venue bowed down to sing along the piano chords fully live played by Gaga while perfoming 'Million Reasons' and 'Yoü and I' with the tender and notorious comfort that she gives to every note just to achieve a moment of recognition that bleeds vocal maturity and passion.
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The night was almost done when a latex-styled, blue-wiged and fearless Gaga performed her 10-year career anthems. 'Bad Romance' set the room on fire with an explosion of pop mixed with nostalgia just by standing alone underneath a bright light dancing it's iconic choreography that's been kept on our minds through the years. You don't need to be a fan to recognize that those dance moves were born with the melodies and brutal lyrics that made this tune a hymn. The encore wouldn't be as satisfying if she didn't put 'Born This Way' at this precise moment to remind once again that she's come a long way by staying true to her beliefs and fighting for them.
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The last song threw us out off the deep end while Gaga performed 'Shallow' along a black simple shirt that belongs to her first moments on the industry and a squicky-clean-mirrored piano to reach the already legendary high note that everyone can now sing to make your emotions shiver and open your senses to a melody that will now, last forever.
Just as her versatility and mind-blowing open-hearted talent, there is no conclussion here. Enigma takes all the little things you expect it to be and bury them on the heated Vegas floor to make you understand that you just witnessed a well-thought show built around 21 songs that tell a story and make a statement that this is not retirement show, but instead, a big moment on the entertainment history in a city where anything can happen.
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idolizerp · 6 years
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[ LOADING INFORMATION ON GALAXY’S MAIN DANCE WINTER…. ]
DETAILS
CURRENT AGE: 24 DEBUT AGE: 21 SKILL POINTS: 06 VOCAL | 13 DANCE | 00 RAP | 11 PERFORMANCE
INTERVIEW
true to his name, winter is as cold as ice. more stoic than stern, he holds about him an air of seriousness and enigmatic mystification that one might expect from a vampire from a tween romance novel rather than an idol. constellations are able to discern slight variations in his expressions –– he softens when speaking to fans, his furrowed brow smoothing out into friendliness and even concern; he actively fights back any sourness in his expression when speaking to seniors or people he respects ( the only thing that saves him from any attitude scandals, really ).
and when he’s on stage, a fire lights up in his eyes. when he dances, when he performs, that’s really when winter comes alive. motion is his preferred avenue of communication, telling stories with the way that his body moves. it’s more common to see the corner of winter’s lips move upward –– a smirk, seldom a smile –– during performances more than it is whenever he’s doing anything else. his laughter is rare, a gift bestowed by a blue moon.
winter doesn’t seem like he belongs in a boy group known for their youthful energy and exuberance. he’s bright, but in a binding way. he’s the kind of person who makes you wonder if you ought to be looking at him. regality and mystery to offset the more approachable members, one might suspect. he’s not quite the bad boy, not daring enough for that, but he is the brooding, quiet one that girls always seem to fall for. he’s not haughty enough to be an ice prince, though that doesn’t stop his fan sites from adopting ice-themed names. they aren’t quite wrong –– they are, after all, meant to capture moments when he “ thaws. ”
truthfully, winter owes his entire existence to xuedong’s anxiety. the sheltered son of cinema royalty’s ineptitude at socializing understandably hinders the conception of a friendlier persona. it’s easier for him to appear detached more than the talkative type, and xuedong prefers it that way. there’s a reason he’s never on variety. and while he feels terrible about seemingly pushing off those duties to his other members, he feels he more than makes up for it by making sure that everyone’s in sync.
where the ice prince seems to be lacking, the main dancer overcompensates. there’s not much else xuedong has to offer.
BIOGRAPHY
   december 1993.
lau suo makes headlines with her swollen belly as she announces the golden globe nominees for the 1995 award ceremony. everyone wonders who the father is, what sex the child is, who the little fetus will become once it enters the world and becomes a person. when she announces her engagement to bai ming two months later, china erupts into applause. the daughter of an auteur, a capable actress and budding director in her own right, and the nation’s heartthrob make a beautiful couple. they will have a beautiful baby.
   june 1994.
the beautiful baby is born. the public knows he is a boy. that is all.
   june 1999.
xuedong asks if he’s going to be able to go to school. his mother, stroking his hair, says no. his father watches on, brow marred with concern. but he does nothing to stop his wife as she ( metaphorically, thankfully ) locks their son in his gilded, ivory tower. the boy’s fifth birthday party is attended by his parents, his nanny, two cousins, and the chef that baked his three-tier birthday cake.
   november 2002.
as they continue to pay paparazzi to keep images of him the few time he leaves the house from leaking, xuedong continues to be nothing but a nameless mention in his parents’ wikipedia pages. it should be a good thing. such a famous mother and father should gain him some level of notoriety, the world watching with bated breath to see if he’ll take after his parents or if he’ll crash and burn like many a child star. xuedong never gets the chance.
( september 1997. xuedong cameos in his mother’s drama, the lowest-rated one in her career. he played her husband’s illegitimate son, a bit role where all he had to do was tug on an actor’s pants and call him father. unlike most of his family, he was not a natural at it. his mother took one look at his befuddlement in between takes and decided that he would never act again. she asked him later on if he enjoyed the experience and he told her “ no, ” but she wasn’t going to put him in front of a camera ever again anyway.
the drama was never broadcast outside of hunan. it still sits at a 4.1/10. )
or, at least, that’s what his mother would want.
his father is her complete opposite.
bai ming is overjoyed when his son asks him about dance. the boy is almost worryingly quiet, so any vocalization is given the utmost attention. though stained lightly by the thought that dance does not require xuedong to become more loquacious than he already is, ming is eager to have his son do something other than get coddled by his mother. without consulting his wife, he signs xuedong up for lessons from one of the best dance instructors in the country. he’s on the fast track to the beijing dance academy.
for an eight year-old, he shows remarkable growth.
just as remarkable as his mother’s fury when she finds out her precious baby has left the nest.
   august 2007.
xuedong’s mother has given up on trying to stop him.
“ fine, if you think you know best, then do whatever you want. ”
“ he’s thirteen years old , ” his father argues. “ of course he doesn’t know best –– but he’s following his dreams, and i don’t want any son of mine to be held back from that because of his paranoid mother ! ”
“ you didn’t want him at all ! ”
the silence that follows is deafening.
xuedong always suspected it. to have his hypothesis confirmed was something he was unprepared for.
he moves into the trainee dorms of a moderately-famous entertainment company in beijing after two half-hearted hugs, one of which seems to drag on forever. he doesn’t make ripples with his entrance; somewhere along the line, it’s become an established rule not to ask the quiet boy named xuedong about his family. the kicked puppy look is enough to make anyone feel bad.
it’s perfectly fine to acknowledge his talent, though. his voice hasn’t cracked yet ( not that anyone hears much of it anyway ), but the skill with which he dances is undeniable. some prodding has the boy admit that he focused on ballet when he was younger but began to transition into modern dance, a blend of different styles to create pure art out of movement rather than old techniques recycled in various formations. his smile when someone says that he’s amazing lights up a room. and thus, people warm up to him. he makes friends for the first time in his life.
xuedong wonders if they’ll be the first people to love him.
   may 2009.
the kiss is too much. a boy ten months and sixteen days younger than him takes xuedong by the shoulders and presses their lips together. he tastes like the cherry chapstick xuedong saw him putting on earlier. was that in preparation for their kiss ? xuedong never finds out, running out the door before the other boy can say anything. he might’ve blurted something out during his great escape. he doesn’t remember it.
it hasn’t even been two years since he left home, but so much has changed. he’s changed.
round cheeks have since begun to sharpen, puberty turning boyishness into chiseled features. getting used to growing limbs was a challenge in and of itself, to say nothing of the acclimation to living with other people. xuedong was kind and considerate enough to not make much of a fuss, though that didn’t change the fact that a boy who lived mostly in isolation for the first ten years of his life was understandably flabbergasted by the notion of cohabitation. it took some work, but his roommates were patient with him and he was willing to learn.
xuedong started to come out of his shell more. when he danced didn’t count; it was almost like xuedong retreated into some sort of subspace and the embodiment of performance took over his body. his peers already knew that he was good, and if he wasn’t absolutely fantastic, then he had more than enough charisma and stage presence to make up for it. and beyond that, he was starting to make friends. he went out of his way to take meals (few and far between) with others, becoming close to several trainees in particular.
he might’ve accidentally fallen in love with one along the way.
if he believed that people could love him in return, it would’ve worked out all perfectly, because this trainee happened to be the one that kissed him a day before his birthday.
but xuedong didn’t, and he returned to the place that taught him that no one loved him in the first place, promises of debut forgotten and lost to the wind. how could he think about that anyway, when the proposed group was a duo with the boy who caused him to run away to begin with ?
it isn’t all one boy’s fault. it just ended up being too much. a kiss that pushed him over the edge.
it started with mounting pressure from his dance teacher after a twisted ankle, berating him for failing when he was so close to perfection. for being unable to keep up the momentum that propelled him to the top of the bunch in the first place. then the radio silence from his mother, who threw herself into her work and whose acceptance speeches, once thanking her “ gift from god ” for almost a decade now simply citing her “ supportive family, ” nudged him farther along. someone figuring out who his parents were, managing to put together that his last name is bai and that his hometown is changsha and his reluctance to speak on his home life, was almost the straw that broke the camel’s back. accusations of nepotism were thrown carelessly, and while his closest friends stuck by his side, the mere whispers of his lineage were enough to have people distancing themselves from him. his injury, though relatively minor, and his abysmal recovery did not help matters. add to that a direct challenge to his long-held belief that he was likable but unlovable, and now xuedong doesn’t know what to do.
xuedong sometimes wonders if the kiss was meant to serve as reassurance. “ i’m still here. i still care. ” ( likely just wishful thinking. )
if it was, it didn’t work. if anything, it backfired.
and it sent him all the way back to changsha, back into the ‘ safety ’ he always hated.
at least his mother has the grace not to tell him “ i told you so. ”
    july 2010.
bai ming did not raise a quitter.
he did not raise anything at all, but that’s a dark thought that xuedong would like to avoid entirely.
still, for all his gung-ho attitude towards his son reaching for the stars, he’s a little surprised when the boy says he wants to go to korea. to his credit, the man listens to the entire memorized speech about how msg is the company for him, that the one he joined when he went to beijing wasn’t quite the right fit and that he felt as though they were squandering his talent.
xuedong does not talk about the fact that his old crush debuted as a soloist a year ago, and that xuedong was supposed to be right there with him. that they were supposed to be a pair. two sides of a coin, two halves of a whole. they’re separate singularities now. and xuedong is not escaping him by running to korea. that’s only about a third of the reason why he wants to leave the country to pursue his passions elsewhere.
if he really wanted, he could just return to dancing. but he had a taste of the forbidden fruit. he has a decent voice, according to his old vocal trainer. if he practiced, he could actually be a good singer. and yes, he hasn’t done anything in the last year, but he’s taken the right amount of time to psyche himself up. he’s ready to get back in the ring now. he wants to be an idol, not a dancer.
he’s already started self-studying korean. the internet is a wonderful place.
his father either sees his point or does not care enough to argue. xuedong chooses to believe it’s the former. the only question he asks is “ did you tell your mother ? ” it is a question he should already know the answer to. and the sigh that bai ming releases signifies that he does.
xuedong takes the first flight to incheon, head raised high. it’s a new beginning for him.
   november 2014.
that newfound confidence didn’t last long. though he was sufficient at communicating ( or, at least, formulating sentences in his head ), it seemed like extended periods of isolation were, in fact, detrimental to one’s social capability. he found himself in the same place he was when he was thirteen years old, young and afraid of the world around him, but ready to take it on.
back home, he was a trainee for about seventeen months before they told him that they were planning his debut. he had some reservations, young as he was, but there was the promise of stardom nevertheless. two months after he left, a soloist debuted from his company at age fourteen. xuedong still remembers the choreography –– initially created for two people –– to this day.
it’s been four years since he joined msg, over twice as long as his training period in china, and there has been no word of anything remotely similar to a promotion. dancing, ever his forte, came back to him gradually. talent went recognized. vocal lessons worked in, peppered with light praise –– a little generic, though he appreciated it nevertheless. and then … nothing. he supposes that’s the way it’s supposed to be. everyone around him works hard, but only a select few make the cut into becoming actual stars. he’s heard rumors of there being a boy group in the works, but he’s gotten to the point where he doesn’t think he’s in the running at all.
which, of course, makes the delivery –– pulling him aside while he practices for his next evaluation, catching him mid-pirouette –– all the sweeter.
it’s finally come. his chance.
yet, for some reason, he can’t muster the same enthusiasm that he had way back in february of 2009.
( it probably has something to do with his past catching up to him. or, as it were, having caught up to him last year. )
maybe it’s prudence. maybe it’s fear.
   may 21, 2015.
he should feel something. it’s been a month since debut. already people are talking about how mesmerizing he is. and how pretty, though that’s nothing new. winter is a cool stage name. a little funny for a boy born in june, though the incongruity and contradiction is what apparently serves as his charm. a boy that handsome should smile more, some say.
he agrees.
there should be something akin to joy. he’s waiting for it to kick in.
it should be soon, he hopes. luckily, xuedong is very good at being patient.
   december 2016.
galaxy has five comebacks under their belt. he’s somewhat unhappy with the type of music they’ve put out, though he has no right to be, because he was informed beforehand of their concept and should’ve long accepted that they weren’t going to go the mature route he felt he embodied best. yet while xuedong cannot say that he’s satisfied with the music he’s put his name to ( as few lines as he has anyway ), he’s rather pleased with the choreography instead.
it isn’t quite the joy he was looking for, but it’s an approximation. ‘ very nice, ’ as exhausting as it is, is his favorite –– contested only by ‘ clap. ’ if he can’t focus on the disappointment he’s foisted upon himself for not becoming an immediate success, then he can at least throw himself wholeheartedly into the work placed before him.
perhaps he thought too highly of himself. rome wasn’t built in a day, so xuedong shouldn’t have expected galaxy to become superstars within the span of a year. they were still lacking in many ways, mostly in areas that xuedong couldn’t control, and thus he should also not be so hard on himself. he did the best he could. he worked himself and the other boys to the bone making sure that they were perfect ( or as close to perfect as they could be ) in every performance. things like concepts and genres were out of his hands. it’s a strange thing to take comfort in. in fact, he knows many others would chafe under that sort of control. but the way xuedong sees it, he’s not to blame for galaxy’s failure and lack of growth, and that’s enough for him.
it’s not his fault, so he can’t reasonably be hated more than he already is.
( or, rather, more hated than he thinks he is. )
   may 2017.
“ happy second anniversary. i think i actually heard your voice in highlight. ” xuedong supposes it’s meant to be a joke, though his father’s never been much of a comedian. most of bai ming’s career has been him sitting around and looking pretty. now that he’s reached middle age, though, he’s been taking more passion projects. he hasn’t won an award yet, but xuedong agrees with the public’s general consensus that his father deserves at least something for pretending to crawl into a bull carcass after being nearly mauled by snow leopard. “ i guess you’re doing pretty well. ”
not as well as he would like, if xuedong’s being extremely honest, but he isn’t. instead, he smiles at his father and ducks his head gratefully. “ thank you. i read that grazia interview you did. i can’t wait for your new film to come out. ” he shouldn’t sound this detached, not from his own father. this is the first time they’ve actually been able to do anything beyond a quick fifteen minute call in months, and thus he’s made sure to chase out his roommates so that he could facetime his father in peace.
reminding himself of the overwhelming gap between himself and the people who gave him life is an appreciated respite from reminding himself of the overwhelming gap between galaxy and cherry bomb ! and honey. galaxy seems to have fallen into middle child syndrome, which xuedong can’t say that he laments not experiencing as an only child. though it’s been two years since his debut, he can’t tell if the mystery shtick is working for him or not. he’s tried to be more talkative but only in instances where he can rehearse what he wants to say in his head a thousand times before opening his mouth, which means that he’s still relatively quiet in comparison to the other members.
he’s glad that his role as main dancer is appreciated –– he wonders if his sharpness during practice scares the other boys, though he’s sure they also bask in the praise of their strong performances, courtesy of xuedong’s diligence in making sure that no member gets left behind –– he’s just a little disheartened that people don’t ask him to speak up more. do they recognize that he’s shy ? or do they think his speech ( overly formal and superfluously sophisticated, he’s seen some constellations call it ) too cringeworthy to listen to ? either way, it makes him feel a little unwanted.
and objectified, because he still sees those comments about his abs and his thighs. they seem to be the only parts of him worth caring about for people who chose other members as their bias.
( he treasures the ones that call him a sweetheart, that are filled with crying emoticons when they ramble about how softly he held their hands and the deep attentiveness with which he pays attention to fans. those ones make everything else worth it. )
this is what he signed up for though, he supposes, so he bears it. this is what he chose. all because he loves being on stage. he still does. when he walks off, covered in sweat and pressing a towel to his forehead and neck, however, it seems like the world comes crashing back down on him.
“ you should come back home when you have the time, ” his father says. “ your mother misses you very much. ”
xuedong blinks. “ and what about you ? ”
his father looks a little taken aback. sheepish.
that’s all the response he needs. xuedong will continue to stay here in seoul, where he is wanted. for his skill if not his body. for his dedication if not his introversion.
   june 2018.
to his surprise, he actually likes ‘ thanks ’ quite a bit. xuedong thinks it might be the slower tempo. although the choreography is nowhere as difficult as some of the others that they’ve had to learn over the three years they’ve been active, he finds that the song is … more his style. he resonates with it lyrically more than any of their other music even if it is still blatantly romantic. it’s just more wistful, he supposes, a little more bittersweet, which is one out of many words he could use to describe his own love life ( like pitiful or miserable or barren ). either way, he hasn’t been this excited to return to promotions.
xuedong doesn’t think that he’s grown tired of his work, per se, but it’s definitely lost some of its lustre. the glamorous lifestyle he was deprived of first by his mother has become an ugly reality to him now. he’s not living the high life he was expecting. where he might’ve spiraled downward due to negative influences had he been the child star so many expected him to be, he’s still remained something of a nonentity to this day. he’s not sure where he stands, not sure of who he is beyond what people have carved out for him.
is he really as cold and standoffish as some make him out to be ? he could be closer to his members, sure, but he likes to think that they’re friends. is he really quiet because he has something to hide ? it’s become common knowledge who his parents are, considering that search engines are free and he takes after his father more and more with each passing year. other than his parentage, though, he can’t think of any secrets he’s ever had –– except for his affinity for cherry chapstick. what does xuedong think of himself ? he has no answer to that question.
according to his enjoyment of ‘ thanks, ’ he’s a romantic. he isn’t some sort of dance machine, programmed only to perform and soak up difficult routines like a sponge. he supposes he’s not a cynic, either. but those three things are as far as he gets with descriptors before he starts drawing up a blank.
oh –– he forgot hope.
he hopes that future will allow him to draw out more truths from himself. another comeback, another revelation. it must be a little sad that he’s so inextricably tied to his work that it takes music releases for him to discover things about himself, but he can’t think of any other way. xuedong never really stopped looking forward to the future; now, though, it’s no longer through a lens of ambivalence.
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