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#and this isnt complaining about a lack of content because i understand Why though i do have certain gripes which i think runs true for a lo
bastardbvby · 6 months
Note
do you still like dream or george?
yeah i do im just not as fixated on mcyt as i was when i first joined the community so i dont really have much to say right now,, i have my own personal thoughts but honestly my life has been hard enough these past two weeks with personal matters so everything happening has just been on the back burner for me
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bonny-kookoo · 4 years
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Mean (JJK x Reader) 💜☁️✴️🔞
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💸 Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader
💸 Genre: Mafia!AU, Single Parent AU!, Angst, fluff, Smut
💸 Warnings: bad language aka cursing, mentions of cheating, mentions of illegal business, manhandling and not the nice kind, tsundere Jungkook, it’s not like he likes you duh, guns, description of violence, restriction of movement and not in a kinky way, protected sex because dude he’s got one kid okay that’s enough, unconventional romance, choking, near death experience, angst did I mention angst
💸 Summary: Jeon Jungkook was kinda cute, you had to admit that- but he was also a massive douchebag with his head up his ass. And a cute kid.
A/N: First of all, I want to apologize to anyone I might dissapoint with this. I've changed up the story concept numerous times- and the first trailer is in no way a proper teaser anymore, since it has nothing to do with this story anymore. I somehow hope you still enjoy the story however. If not- I hope you'll stick around for future content!
Taglist: @drumsofheaven @yzkyzkuniverse @strwberrybtch @kirbykook @teresaisla @park-hera-gi @justzeera @taestannie @bambuzlee (there were several people I couldn’t tag- I’m sorry about that!) 
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Jeon Jungkook was facing his worst enemy.
Now, considering his work and all those rumors going on about him, this could be anything really; from an entire army storming his house, to readying himself for waterboarding. But no, this enemy he was currently standing across from was way more vile and difficult to get under control. The situation was slowly growing desperate on his side- this was a life and death situation.
"Mina, come on now." Jungkook pleaded as the toddler vehemently refused to raise her arms properly so he could slip on her dress for the day. He could understand her, to an extend- he wasn't a morning person either, but he had to overcome this in order to be successful- and she had to as well.
Well, success was not really that important at her age, but getting her to daycare definitely was.
"Mina I have a meeting soon and if you continue to be a brat I can't send you off again properly." He tried, knowing how much she hated him leaving in a rush like usually. He'd promised her the day prior as he'd tucked her into bed that he would, this time, at least stay until her friends had arrived, yet he couldn't have known that this situation would occur the next morning.
Sometimes being a single father was way worse than anything he was facing at his actual job.
"There we go!" He cheered as she finally caved in, pouting a bit before she giggled at the silly face her father was making in order to get her to smile. He hated sending her off in a foul mood, knowing that she could be an absolute devil's child if she felt like it. In a way, she was very similar to him, which was to be expected with her mother not being in the picture. He didn't mind it much, however- a cheating spouse was not really what he wanted by his side, if he was being entirely honest with himself. It was enough already knowing that almost all of his 'friends' and 'business partners' were shameless liars. He didn't need to live and raise a child with one as well.
"Tiger!" The young girl cheerfully exclaimed, as the both made their way into the kitchen. It wasn't just a random comment from her side, because her chubby hand already pointed at the cereal box designed with colorful images on the counter, way too high for her but perfectly reachable for her father as he chuckled, balancing her on his hip as he prepared a small bowl for her.
"No funny business though, young lady." He said, as he sat down with her at the table. "We don't have to hurry, but we can't waste time either." He explained, as he watched her eat her breakfast with a concentrated face. He smiled at the picture, sometimes wishing this would be how his days would always start. Sadly, that wasn't the case- most of the times really, her nanny took her to daycare.
Which was another problem.
Her nanny had recently filed in for her termination, her age getting to her as she finally made the decision to settle down for her last years of life, she'd said. He accepted it without much resistance, having build too much respect for the elderly woman over the course of time by now. It left him with a gaping hole however, one that he knew he needed to fill.
But with who?
He couldn't just hire anybody for Mina at this point in his life. People needed to be fully trustworthy to be even given knowledge of his child at all. Most didn't even know she existed- the public unaware of her relation to him. He kept the facade up that she was merely the child of a close friend, just to keep her out of range of any potential enemies he had gathered over time.
His life really wasn't fit for a child at all, but what was he supposed to do?
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"Y/N!" A small voice exclaimed behind you, making you look around from where you were cutting apples as the small child appeared.
"Mina!" You answered just as brightly, picking her up as she giggled excitedly. "Did you have breakfast yet?" You asked, as another daycare worker came inside.
"Yeah!" She said, and you looked at her surprised. "Daddy and I had breakfast!" She explained, as you placed her back down onto the ground. "He'ven brought me here today!" She said, and you hummed affirmatively,
"That sounds awesome!" You said, as she beamed up at you. "Why don't you go sit at the table, we're almost having our morning snack. You think you can eat some apples?" You asked, and she proudly nodded, before zooming off, stumbling a bit as she missed the slight gap of the door.
"He didn't come inside." Jenny said, as she watched the little girl sit down next to a boy her age. "I saw that he was sitting in his car, but she got out herself." She explained further, as you continued cutting the apples and making some cuts to have them resemble a bunny. "I swear to god-" She started, as you cut her off.
"We don't know what his life is like, Jenny." You said, as she huffed. "It's not our kid, it's not our life. She isn't unhappy, she's healthy, she's not mistreated. Case closed." You explained further as you discarded the scraps of apple unneeded in the trash, before rinsing the knife you'd used. "I'm not too happy about it either, but we're not her mother." You said, as you dried your hands.
Jenny sighed. "I know, but like-" She said, walking over to you to help you place the banana slices and grapes as well. "She's such a sweet kid. I don't know, but he seems like such a dick honestly. Like, have you heard his phonecall last week?" You snorted. Everyone did at this point.
Mina had had a minor incident, when she'd stumbled and fell. She'd scraped her knee, cried a little, but after a moment everything had been fine again. He however, had been livid upon finding out his daughter had been hurt, even though the scratches didn't even need a bandaid. Even though he'd only been on the phone with your superior, he'd made such a scene out of it that it became like local news around the daycare.
"I still don't know what the fuck that was about." Jenny exclaimed, taking a sip of her coffee as she kept an eye on the kids in the main room. "Like, yeah, she fell, but nothing happened." She said, and you agreed.
Shrugging, you grabbed some plates and napkins, and looked at Jenny. "Again." You reminded her. "As harsh as it sounds, you know me." Jenny sighed.
"I know."
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You took back everything you had said this morning.
This prick had the audacity to keep you waiting for more than two hours now, without reacting to any amount of phonecalls you'd done by now. Mina was almost asleep on your lap, and you were angry to say the least. This was supposed to be your last day of work for a week, you were supposed to be curled up on your couch in nothing but underwear and fluffy socks, hidden by a blanket and eating icecream while watching netflix. You were definitely not supposed to sit here at your daycare until even the janitor was about to go home. "Fuck it." You mumble, carefully balancing the young girl on your hip as you grab your bag and keys.
You wave the janitor and cleaning staff goodbye on their way out, and take out your phone for a bus or subway that could drive close to where Mina's address is- but you notice there is nothing in her jacket written that you could use as one. You instead simply call the number written down for emergencies, and wait as it rings.
once.
twice.
"Hello?"
You are a bit taken aback by the voice on the other line, masculine, but clearly not as old as you'd thought he'd sound. "Uh, yeah, this is Mina's daycare, you mind picking her up these days, or not?" You casually say, Mina moving around a bit as to bring her thumb close to her lips. You internally coo at her.
"Shit! Fuck- I, where are you?" He asks, and you furrow your brows. Where the hell does he think you are, or does he seriously not know where his daughters daycare is? Wait, is that even her father?
"I- listen, am I even talking to her father or who is this?" You ask, and suddenly you feel extremely uncomfortable. This was a bad idea, what if this isnt her dad at all? You could loose your job for this!
"Yeah, yes. Listen I'm gonna send someone to pick her up alright? Should be there in an hour or so." He says as if frustrated, and you scoff, making him question you on the other line as if he was just struck by thunder. "Excuse me?" He says, voice low, but you're not intimitated.
"First of all, I'm not convinced. Second of all, and pardon my french, but are you nuts?! It's already way too late for her to be up, and I've finished my shift hours ago!" You complain, and he clears his throat over the line, clearly unhappy about your lack of understanding.
"Jeon Mina has a small beauty mark underneath her lower lip, she hates strawberries for some reason, and her biggest secret is that she is actually scared of unicorns. There, happy?" He grits out, and you chew on your lip. He was good. "Second of all, Miss." He makes sure to pronounce every word. "You're getting paid to look after my kid. If that's all you want I'm paying you extra for the inconvenience-" Oh boy, there we go.
"If I cared about your stupid money I would've called authorities hours ago, S.I.R." You start, careful to tone your voice down as to not wake her up. "And you know what, thats a great Idea actually! Let me just-" You begin, but he cuts you off with a sound that sounds awfully like a door closing.
"Fuck you, I'm there in 20." He says.
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Jeon Jungkook was not too fond of woman.
That much was clear ever since he'd been cheated on and left with a kid, but it had always been like that. It wasn't like he was afraid of them, or didn't like them, it was more like, during his life, woman had been the reason for heartbreak and bad news all along. His mother had been an alcoholic, his dad desperately trying to get her back on track. His sister had been involved into shady business early on, a wild child that would do anything to get on peoples nerves. His aunt, which only ever visited to gain money. Women were bad news.
So his own surprise had been very prominent when he spotted you on the bench with his kid in your arms,her chubby arms clinging onto you like a koala. You seemed to be reading something on your phone, careful not to point the device too close to Mina so she wouldn't be disturbed. You were pretty, he had to admit that, even from far away- and you seemed like a confident person, from what he'd heard over the phone. You suddenly noticed him as he drove a bit closer, car tires crunching the gravel and snow underneath while his headlights shut off, to not blind you both. He stepped out, as you woke Mina up to announce to her that her father had finally arrived.
"Daddy!" She screached sleepily, running towards him with stumbling legs. He picked her up with a smile before he turned around, having every intention to buckle her up in his backseat as you came closer.
"Huh. Mind telling me why I shouldn't inform authorities about this?" You asked, and he huffed out a breath with a roll of his eyes, pulling out his wallet. You simply stood there, arms crossed, not at all fazed by the amount of money he held in front of you- you simply raised your eyebrow. "I mean, if money could talk I'd ask your bills, sure. But that right there isn't an answer." You replied, and he gritted his teeth, jaw clenching. Why were you being so difficult.
"Okay, how much?" He said, and you suddenly moved, shifted, as if absolutely offended by his offer.
"Do I look like a streetworker to you sir?" You said, and he closed his eyes for a moment, until another car seemed to pull up.
"You're getting picked up." He says, ready to step into his car as you look at him with confusion. "You don't know them?" He asks, and you shake your head, having every intention to check as he notices something familiar peeking out of one of the car windows. As if on autopilot, he rips his passenger side open, pushes you in, and runs to get inside the drivers seat.
There are shots fired, Mina is holding her hands over her ears as she simply stares at you, who is absolutely shell-shocked.
What the hell just happened?
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So yeah, that's how you got here-
In a room that looked awfully like the interrogation rooms in your late night netflix crime shows. There was someone sitting in front of you- Mina's father, watching you, like you were going to do anything. But you were as quiet as a mouse, not saying anything.
"So you didn't know them? At all?" He questioned for the second time in the past ten minutes, and you shook your head. "Hard to believe. Then again, why would you ever tell me that your Dad's brother was sentenced to two years for escorting drugs- only getting two years because he snitched." He said, and your eyes widened.
"Okay what the hell-" You started, but he cut you off.
"Oh, I hit a nerve-" But you weren't having it.
"Oh an I'm gonna hit your pretty nose if you don't stop cutting me off!" You said, making him smirk. For some reason, this was quite entertaining to him- the only woman he ever had in here were so keen on keeping up that shy and innocent facade, that you were a breath of fresh air. "Listen, I don't know why you decided to dig up things that happened when I was literally a TODDLER- or how you even got that information - I swear to god I will really break your nose!" You ended as he had tried to speak again, making him chuckle.
If you weren't being held captive after getting your night ruined you might as well would've thought that was pretty hot.
"I was five years old- I had nothing to do with it, and my dad had no contact whatsoever with his brother after what had happened." You explained. "If you can find that, you can also find that I haven't had contact with my family in years either." You said, leaning back, as he spoke.
"I did. Which is quite confusing to me." He said.
You suddenly went stone cold on him. "It really isnt that deep." You said.
"Were you avoiding them?" He asked. "Because of what happened? Or because your dad got involved into something?"
"Because they're dead." You said.
Well. This was something that made him actually stop and think for a second. He did dig into that nasty part of your family, but he never looked further- their death was something he had overlooked. And by your reaction as you said it, the way you said it, he knew that you weren't lying. "Alright." He said. "But you do realize that I can't just let you go like that, right?" He said.
"Figured." You said. "So, should I stand facing against the wall or with my back against it so you can aim better?" You said, and he took a deep breath. Technically, yes, that would be a logical outcome.
"Neither." He said, and you raised your eyebrow. "I have an offering." He said, and your entire body went stiff, arms crossing in front of your chest. A pure sign of whatever he was going to say, your first reaction would be no. "I need a nanny for Mina." He said, and your lips parted, confusion clear on your face.
He almost thought it was kind of cute.
"You what?" You said.
"I need a nanny for Mina." He repeated. "It's a win-win situation for both of us if you think about it. You get to- in a way- keep your job and a bonus in terms of payment, and I will have someone to take care of Mina. And I also don't have to put a bullet into your pretty little head." He said, leaning forward with the last words.
"This isn't really a question, isn't it?" You said, and he laughed.
"You're smart- I like you."
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„But that’s not how daddy does it..“ she wonders, as you tie her shoes for her, before looking up into her eyes. She really does resemble her father. Well, a more innocent version, that is.
„Well everyone does it differently.“ you say, well aware that there were numerous ways to tie a simple bow. „Your daddy probably has learned it from someone who does it like he does. I learned it from my dad.“ you explained as you went to pick up her backpack, carrying it for her as she took your hand.
„yours looks prettier tho!“ she exclaimed happily, a skip in her step as she kept looking at her shoes with a smile. You grinned, a sense of pride filling you. „Daddy‘s always looks crooked on one side-„ she said, before a voice broke through the sweet moment.
„You hurt me Princess. You always said they look nice.“ he hummed from his spot in the doorway, leaned on the frame, looking at you with something you could only describe as unsatisfied, while shooting his daughter a smile.
What the hell have you done wrong now?
This had been something going on for months now. Ever since you started working for him as a nanny, Mina had been nothing but a ray of sunshine- but he, he was not even a raincloud. He was the angry grinch miltiplied by a hundred, ready to piss everyone off twenty-five-eight. Somehow everything you did wasn't up to his standards; the way you cooked for Mina, the way you dressed her, hell, even right now with the way you tied a fucking bow.
You really hoped next time he washed his hands, his sleeves would roll down.
"There's an emergency gun underneath the back-" He started as Mina was out of listening-reach.
"I won't use it." You said.
Jungkook had tried to get you trained at least in the basics of guns- but you practically had an allergy to it, refusing to so much as touch one. He didn't quite know what your problem was, but after a while, he had given up on it- simply sending one of his guards with you whenever he could. By now, you were an easy target as well if found alone, so you had joined him in his place, occupying one of the larger guest rooms. He had said that it was to keep an eye on you, but internally, he simply didn't want you to get hurt.
And yeah, at first that was because he didn't trust you, at all- but by now, somehow, you had sneaked your way into his heart, in a way. Even though he himself would always grumpily comment on it, he loved how you made Mina smile and the entire mansion light up. Things felt a little brighter, a little less tense, and a little less lonely with you around. It felt as if you were an actual family.
And that scared the shit out of him, because in no way was he going to fall for his daughters nanny.
And, after all; you hated his guts.
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If Jungkook knew the situation you and Mina had gotten yourselves into, you don't know if he would be proud of her or kill you.
Turns out that the guard Jungkook had sent you out with wasn't actually following his orders at all, but words from a different person entirely- you imagined they were highly likely the one's out to shoot you back when you first met the tall mafia boss and father. Now, the only thing they definitely did not get right however, was that you were Mina's mother- and someone Jungkook valued enough to give up his safety. This was true for Mina; the young child was his everything, and he'd cut off his limbs just to know her safe and sound- but you? That was just absolutely stupid. Sure, you've been living together for quite some time now, and he stopped trying to mentally push you down the stairs every morning as well. But there was nothing more than a mild case of friend- and partnership. You weren't being emo; Jungkook had, after all, said it again and again that he had crossed out the dating game. He's got enough trouble with Mina and you, he had said.
Well, seemed like one of those issues would solve itself.
"Again, what're you gonna do?" You say, as Mina looks at you from out of the vents above you had helped her into seconds ago.
"Crawl where the nice air is, call daddy- and don't look back." She repeats proudly, but you can see it clearly that she's just as scared as you are.
"Exactly, good job princess." You praise, and she nods with a pout. "Once daddy gets you, you'll be safe." You promise, and she wants to complain- but you don't let her, closing the vent again as you hear her shuffling away. This was fine. Mina would be safe, Jungkook would have one person less to worry about- he could move away, bring her to a different part of the country where no one knew her, and she could simply go to school next year and forget all of this ever happened.
You were just a bit sad that you'd never get to see it.
Of course you weren't her mother- but it was hard not to let her inside your heart, with the way she was. The charms her dad didn't have, she got them times ten. She was just so sweet, and you were around her all the time, it was hard not to somehow grow fond of her. You just hoped she'd be alright.
"Where's the kid, whore?!" A guard yelled after noticing you were the only one left in the room. You simply smiled, not answering, before he grabbed your neck, pulling you up as much as he could as he fumed. "Save that stupid grin for your son of a bitch at home." He barks, and you desperately try to breathe- unsuccessfully so, until he forcefully pushes you back down, the back of your head hiding the concrete floor with a sickening crack. You squealed out in pain, holding onto the spot for dear life as if that would somehow help it- but it didn't. "I knew sluts like you have to be tied up. You're all just trouble." He says, pulling you by your legs as another set of people come in, binding your legs and hands. You can already feel your fingers getting cold from how tight your wrists are tied- but you black out from the kick to your stomach before you can quite dwell on it.
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"Fuck!" He yells, before he gets up, hands in his hair to somehow help himself not punch the laptop on his table. He's seen it, seen it all- from the moments you would shield Mina like a fearless lioness, the second you had lifted her up into the vents even though he knew your shoulder had to be in horrible pain, to the very moment you had faced the consequences of your actions. He hated that he had to wait, that he had to simply sit here in his office like a coward just to watch you take the beatings.
Because here was the thing with Jungkook; even though he liked to portray himself as someone who always takes the upper hand in things and troubles, when it came to his own personal life far away from his criminal business he ran, he couldn't seem to ever make up his mind. It was like a repeat of his past love affair- but instead of his ex-wife cheating and leaving him with a child, there was you, in some way fighting like a true lionness in order to keep said child safe and sound, even though you didn't even had to. Technically, this would've been the perfect opportunity for you to finally get your freedom back in a way. Because without Mina, there was no use for you being in his grasp anymore. Without her, there was no agreement between the two of you.
And yet there you were. And yet again, he simply watched, simply did nothing.
The entire mansion was already on high alert by now; his most trusted friends Seokjin and Yoongi already out to your location- he could wait. He could wait. He could wait.
Everything would somehow turn out to be just fine by the end of this day. He would successfully take his daughter into his arms, Yoongi and Seokjin would get you out of there, and after a good nights sleep and some first aid for you, things would just return to normal.
But what was normal at this point?
He didn't want things to continue like they did currently. He wanted change, for the first time in his life. He wanted to tell you about his inner thoughts, about his desires concerning you and his future. He wanted to tell you that he didn't just want you to be at his home and with him and his daughter just because of some stupid agreement. He didn't want you to stay with him because he forced you to.
His phone began to chime, your face greeting him as the caller ID as he accepts it. "Daddy-" His heart sinks down to the floor as he hears Mina sniffle on the other side of the line. He has to wait, he thinks, repeats like a mantra. He has to somehow calm her down, tell her everything's alright- "They're hurting mommy!" Mina wails, and somehow, those words make him snap.
Fuck waiting.
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In a way, Mina was a smart kid. She had been nothing but understanding when Jungkook and her mother had broken up- divorced, and fought until she eventually left for good. She had been a little sad for a long time, thinking it had somehow been her fault; but he had assured her, and later on, explained, that Mommy simply didn't love Daddy anymore. In Daycare, she was one of the most well behaved kids ever encountered- careful, and calm. Of course she got excited and happy and sometimes made a mess; but she also was very careful who she interacted with, what kinds of friends she made, and how much she talked about home. She never complained, never threw public tantrums.
Jungkook truly was lucky- that the only thing left of his shattered marriage had been her.
He never had relationships after that- never dated, never truly searched for someone. No one, in his eyes, was worth the risk- and even after meeting you, that was his opinion. But as cliche as it sounded, you were quite different from anyone he'd ever met before.
You spoke your mind; always saying what bothered you, never beating around the bush. Yet, you weren't being a bitch about things. No, you actually could be pretty cute if you wanted to be- be it the moments he had caught you and Mina sneak a taste of her birthday cake in the middle of the night, or the one time he had been sick.
You had been such an angel to him.
Helping him towards the bathroom, never even scrunching your nose in distaste whenever he had to throw up. You simply rubbed his back, helping him towards the sink to rinse, just to lead him back into his bedroom. You had aired the room out, made the bed, made sure that he was staying hydrated and at least tried to eat every day- all without any complains.
Maybe that was the moment his perspective of you shifted into dangerous territory.
He had somehow become hyperaware of the things you did. How well you got along with Mina, how easy going you were becoming with him- how confident yet nurturing and sweet you were, gently scolding him sometimes to not overwork himself. You always made sure his kid felt happy and was healthy, never so much as whined about your past friendships lost; you had simply accepted the new situation.
In a way, you were what he silently dreamed of at night.
Because as much as he loved the sight of you holding Mina whenever she had a nightmare and couldn't sleep, he somehow also craved to be held throughout the night by your arms. Just like he held his daughter in that moment after she had climbed out of the vent into his arms. He could make out some of her words as he simply let himself feel her tiny body in his arms for a moment. Just to make sure she was really there, really alright, really out of harms way. She kept on crying out for you, for him to help you, to save you-
So it was only natural for him to jump out of his car and run after Seokjin, Yoongi, and their squad, as they entered the building.
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Sometimes at night, when you got aware of all the different sounds of the room, you heard the blood rush inside your brain.
Just like now; but now, it was so loud that you could barely hear anything else. Things seemed hazy, fuzzy, your ears stuffed with cotton wool drowning out any sounds might happening around you. Your eyes stayed closed, light way too bright for your raging headache- and the stale metal taste on your tongue wasn't helping either. Your hands had started to tingle long ago, and your knees were hurting from being in the same position for this long. But the moment someone touched you next, it wasn't forceful. It was so gentle, and almost- scared?
You couldn't hear, but you could feel. How the rope was cut, blood rushing painfully into your hands and legs again, pins and needles making them hypersensitive as you were suddenly held- moved, carried?
It smelled like home, that was something your dizzy mind was able to properly make out. It smelled like Jungkooks mansion, and a bit like his office- a faint vanilla hitting your senses, making you faintly smile as your hand reached out, unknowingly grabbing his shirt, holding the fabric as tight as you could as you moaned out in pain when he placed you down again, warmth surrounding you.
Maybe you were dying?
Or maybe not.
Because after some hazy and confusing dreams, you slowly came back to your senses. Eyes opening slowly, there it was; the curtains you knew so well, the balcony opened, air crisp and fresh around you as the door opened. You wanted to move your head, but the fear of triggering another headache was too big.
"Y/N?" Jungkooks voice asked, warm, and almost hesitant. You hummed, and he snapped his head around, noticing that yes- after days of sleeping and slipping in and out of consciousness you were actually awake again. He walked into your field of vision, looking so casual; his white button up undone at the first two buttons, sleeves rolled up as he sat down close to you, palm on the blanket covering you as he-
smiled?
"W-" You had to cough a bit before clearing your throat. "Who are you and what have you done to Jungkook?" You said, and he chuckled, sighing in relief- you had, after all, not lost your charm.
"I think past Jungkook had a moment of self-reflection." He said, watching you as his hand placed itself onto yours, warmth spreading over your skin. "I'm glad you're okay." He admitted. "And thank you. For keeping.. Mina safe." He ended, and you smiled.
"That's literally my job." You said, and he got more serious.
"No, and you know what I mean." His voice was deep and rough, yet held no authority like usual. "You had chances to tell them who you were. That you had no connection to me other than through her; yet you didn't. And we both know why." He said, and you looked at him.
"There are more reasons than just one." You said, eyes drifting to his now empty ring finger on the hand resting on his thigh.
"Does it matter which one I mean?" He asked, and you wanted to scoff.
"It does to me." You said, and he shifted closer after a second, properly holding your hand now as he looked at yours- still a little scratched, but nothing that wouldn't heal.
"You did it because that's the reason you live here." He said. "You also did it because you adore her just as much as I do. And you.." He began, but grew unsure.
"And I?" You smiled, and he looked at you with his typical seriousness.
"And you somehow got stuck in an emotional mess." He explained. "You somehow, deep down, wanted it to be true." His thumb moved over the back of your hand as he spoke. "You wished that.. maybe there was more to it than just, partnership." He said, and you still smiled gently.
"Did I now?" You teased, but to your surprise, he was still looking straight at you.
"I know I did." He humms out. "I still do."
"You're stupid." You said, and he laughed bitterly, taking your words the wrong way as he slipped his out of yours.
"I know." He said, getting up to leave but stopped as you spoke.
"Good." You said, chuckling before coughing. "What, no kiss for me after all I've been through?" You giggled as his wide eyes stared at you. "Rude." You said, and he suddenly realized that no- you weren't rejecting him. You were accepting.
You felt the same.
Noticing his own awkwardness, he leaned over, hands supporting his body as he leaned down, properly placing his lips onto yours. You had never imagined what kissing Jungkook would feel like, but you certainly would've never guessed how gentle and absolutely loving it would be. One of his hands moved towards your cheek, holding it, as if you were the most precious thing he'd ever seen.
"Mommy!" Came Mina's excited voice, cries instantly noticable as she jumped onto the bed, burying her head into your chest as you held her, a few tears in your eyes from her jumping.
"Mina baby, be careful okay?" He said. But your words were the reason that he ended up tearing up, at the end.
"Mommy's still hurting baby." You said. "But she'll get better soon."
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Not even during the first few magical months of being together with his past ex, had it ever felt like this.
He was euphoric almost; with the way you felt, moved, breathed. It all felt like so much to him, made him feel so.. He couldn't explain it. He had his hands on your hips, fingers careful not to press too hard, but having enough force to move you back and forth over his lap- his length moving in and out of your heat, making you whine, as he watched your breasts in front of him. You fit so perfectly like this, felt so amazing, managed to make him feel needy instead of the other way around.
He turned you over slipping out of you sloppily as he moved positions, now above you as he spread your legs, entering you again easily. He pulled you by your thighs, holding you in place as he began to thrust again, your eyes closing with every movement of his hips.
He loved the sight of it.
Deep down he wanted to take the condom off; he wanted to fill you up, cum inside over and over and over until your cunt would overflow. Not only just to claim you in a weird animalistic sense, but to also make his family complete. He had cut his ties to his illegal activities by now, had settled down with you- and he knew, there was no other person he'd ever have a child with again than with you. "I want to cum inside." He said breathlessly, making you whine in return. "Hm, you'd like that?" He asked teasingly, his thrusts gaining more strength as if to underline his statement. "Stuff you full of my cum, make you leak it and mess up the sheets.." He continues, hand reaching between the two of you to find your clit. "just to make love to you over and over again. I wanna make you cry." He gritted out, suddenly moving you around face down. He pulled up your lower body, entering you again, gliding in easily with the amount of slick you were leaking. "And you'd take it wouldn't you?" He asks, making you nod and groan out as he grows more desperate, faster, harder- throwing you off the edge but never stopping. "You're gonna take it until I cum, don't you dare move away from me." He scolds, holding you tightly, making you gasp out in overstimulation as he continues on, chasing his own high.
He reaches it with a loud groan, burying himself deep inside as he holds you, peppering kisses onto your spine. "I love you, hm.." He whispers out. "So good, so pretty.. all mine.." He huffs, simply falling onto the mattress with you in his arms, cock still buried inside you.
There was a moment of silence, until he spoke again. "I really do mean it though." He said earning only a tired humm from you. He simply chuckled at that, holding you close as he decided to maybe bring that topic up when the timing was a bit better.
For once, he felt like a normal person. Right next to you, in your arms, as you turned around to pull him close, burying your face into his chest.
Right where he belonged.
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pinkvhs · 5 years
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The last thing I will say about this topic (unless more damning information is brought about) is that I personally am not mad at Sean for playing a game that was sex based, I am upset at the lack of research he did about the game and didn’t notice the glaring homophobia/transphobia of it. That he didn’t see that the game clear as day doesn’t like gay/trans people and has walking stereotypes and promotes violence against us. To not catch on and be like “huh, a characters with the last name gay in a place with the word gay and a transphobic depictions of a character..maybe I should stop and not upload this.”  
Like I said before, he is a cishet man, so I get that on face level if he played the game and was like “haha funny sex game!” and nothing more, I can get where he coming from. I too would of thought that on the surface if I was in his shoes. He himself didn’t make jokes that where bad at gay/trans people, but he didn’t take the time to look at the game he was playing to upload to the masses. An audience where lgbt people do like him and feel safe with him, only to feel once again a stab in the back. The editor incident kinda echoes this- the lack of research on his part and as a result exposing fans to not so great things that can result in harm, unknowingly to Sean or not. But the one nice thing is for the editor part Sean did listen and realize “yeah, this isn’t good, I’ll cut ties” and admitted he should of done research before hand. Thats why it kinda stings too in this case because when he talks about games, he usually gives some sort of back story about them. Talking about how “this game is made by [ x development team ]” and even details of what he has read about the game. 
So with everything over the past few MONTHS just piling on top of each other going from annoying --> bad --> worse, I truly don’t blame people at all for having their trust in Sean shaken up a bit and decide to not watch him if they haven’t already. Again its not like he himself said distasteful jokes about gay/trans people, but its more so uploading a game and him being in a position that exposes development teams to thousands upon millions of people who aren’t ....that great, really fucking stings in the heart to say the least. Even if the team or person who made that game is trans/gay themselves (like I said before, DOUBT), it still wouldn’t be great because trans and gay people do face violence. We do face being viewed as sex hungry violent beings that deserve kicks in the face and punches by cishet people. And a game like that being on a channel with a face that claims to advocate for us and even raises money and has merch to help us out and feel safe, as a gay/trans person, I truly can understand why people are skeptical in Sean due not too distance past ( a few months ago) and now with yesterdays upload. 
But then AGAIN the man could not of known about the games intensions and saw it as something as a shock humor game and nothing more. Because he isnt gay/trans so the things that could seem obvious to us (gay/trans people) could of flown over his head. Thats not to give him an excuse and be like “he did nothing wrong uwu” but more so a means to understand why he could of uploaded it instead of just scrapping it. 
But people should tell him about it because how else is one to learn if you don’t? If we pretend that everything is fine and that people are over reacting its just going to make people who are hurt by this feel guilt for justified emotions, or make Jack believe that he has nothing to learn and can continue on with what he is doing. People have tried time and time to get his attention about genuine concerns before and the times that people have it just results in him thinking its about a completely different topic (green hair jack), when, in reality, its not. Its people voicing genuine concerns and complaints that have reason. Its not people looking for reasons to hate him and want to see him crash and burn over nothing, even though I am aware there are people like that who do exist. 
Sometimes people do step out of line and worry about things that don’t really matter or make assumptions that just aren’t true, but there are cases where people feel genuine distrust and are shaken over the corse of time as to what to believe anymore. I’ve seen people who have watched Jack for years feel uneasy with him and his content and the community itself. More and more I see people talk about it and I myself directly talking to others who don’t even feel safe enough to talk about how they truly feel because they don’t want death threats or things taken out of contents. Thats.....a huge problem. But things don’t get talked about seriously or get brushed off as “hate” or just “people wanting to complain” but that is far from the truth. Then to see Sean like posts that kiss up to him and praise him but fail to even address some basic things that people, not even criticism on him, just genuine questions about things that get glossed over, its not a mystery why people then start to get pissed off and not trust him anymore. 
I know there have been issues in the past sure but this has been a build up from August 2019 onwards in my humble opinion. What started off as simple annoyances just grew into something that people do not feel comfortable with anymore. Its just a brew of things that piled up on each others and frankly I do not think the label of “nicest caring community” helped in the long run cause thats kinda a big label to hold up over the years and lets be real here folks no fandom is 100% wholesome there are glaring problems everywhere.  Like I enjoy many different things but when ya put a label of the most “kind positive community” on it....yeah thats gonna crash and burn over time. 
So yeah like at this point so many people are just tired and are uneasy to say the least at Sean right now and yesterdays video kinda being the one that many people cut ties is very well justified and totally understandable. Like, again, this isn’t people hating on him to hate him if this was MARK for example I myself would feel the same way and Im sure many others would too. Like if Mark uploaded that game instead of Sean I am certain people would feel the same emotions, or at least similar, that they do now cause the game aint good chief. But Im sure people wouldn’t cut ties with Mark because, not to compare, Mark doesn’t have blaring issues that have gotten worse over time and that being the final straw that broke the camels back. 
So, yeah, I totally do not blame people at all for wanting to distance themselves. I could go into all details and not just this game incident but I am already typing a paper as it is so I’m just gonna stop for now, just wanted to get some thoughts out of my system. 
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hopeididntscareyou · 2 years
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The reason why I dont write as much as happy thoughts on here is because i always end up cringing whenever I say something nice about someone, but tonight i'm feeling extra happy.
If you are really focused on a bigger goal and when you just prioritize your well-being and not satisfying temporary distractions, life becomes so much easier and you save yourself a lot of time from unecessary drama or all those little things that don't really matter. Thats why its just so important to feel secure and happy with yourself before trying to share happiness with others. When something is lacking with you and instead of addressing those issues you direct the problem on something else, you're always going to end up ruining good things just by your presence. Its important to be aware when this happens. And its also important to really learn from your experiences. In life, were always going to make mistakes and carry our failures but when things has become a pattern, when we keep being stuck in the same situation again, maybe its time to have a deep conversation with yourself and introspect.
Another thing i am grateful about is, tay. I have to be completely honest. Sometimes, I don't really feel like he understands me. Were always in completely different position but surprisingly, it's never felt toxic or frustrating. I think its mainly because we have the same communication style, so there is no need to always clarify ones intention or what being said. Honestly, I feel like he's kinda biased and projecting his problems on me sometimes, but also its clear that he cares about me and is doing what he can to make my life easier. For me, thats what counts the most. Contrary to the popular belief, I'm not really someone who complains about everything just because i'm not satisfied and I can't ever imagine myself getting upset at someone who does things out of good intentions, even though lets say they keep messing up. I'm actually a very understanding person despite my standards. And before I do more ego stroking lets go back to Tayke. I've always got something new to learn from him, perspectives that I've never seen before. Meanwhile.. i dont even know if he can say the same thing about me. i feel like the things he learned from me were always degenerate stuff 🤣 But atleast i dont really feel like i have to try to be anything but just myself. He's really sweet to me, likes hugs on top of our deep conversations and he makes me really happy, without even trying 🥲 Lately, I have been feeling confident about how I live my life integrating my values in it, and i think one of the reasons is because of his influence. I am feeling like everyday i am becoming a better person than i was yesterday and its just nice to be in this state of peace. It makes me happy to become the person that I've always wanted to be, its the things I liked about him and what i've always thought i was lacking. Of course even without a person I am working towards myself, i'm not being reliant on him or anything. It's more like I'm just appreciating what value he brings to my life, because its something I always ask myself when it comes to my relationships with people.
I've learned recently that beating the person you were yesterday is not about how much productive things you're doing or what you have been preparing for the future. Its more about reaching a state of mind where you are at peace, content and not worrying about anything in your present moment. Only then you'd be truely good person to be around as well, and of course achieving peace of mind isnt as easy as just calming yourself down or some hippie bullshit. You acually have to develop a solid morale and good values, which can take years or a lifetime for some people. I dont really know where i'm at but all i know is, i'm only surrounding myself with people who have positive influence on me and brings value to my life. And realizing that made me extra happy tonight and feeling more excited for my big day ❣️
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this is all so crazy.. the fear is there, the acceptance is there, the restlessness is there. i cant figure out what to feel or how to cope, i guess the “mom” energy is more prevalent right now. i dont exactly care about this whole situation for me and my situation but i worry about my family, my friends, my sisters. it makes you realize just how fragile and short life can be. i feel like i’m torn, i cant tell if ive accepted my death after so many years of being on the edge or if ive just lost my sense of self completely. ive gotten back into manga, anime, games, art. all things i distanced myself from for a while to try and figure out who i was. i tried being girly and dresses and feminine, i tried long hair, short hair, i tried overly sexual and complete monogamy, indie, country, folk, soul, all over. i still dont know where i fall. i just want to know who i am. i have no idea where i sit, its hard finding my identity. especially after my whole life has been determined by other people, be it parents, spouses, or even my mental health distorting who i was. i have things i love, but i always question it. do i love it or have i just spent years being told i love it? or, even worse, do i dislike it deep down but have spent so long trying to justify it because i wanted to try something out and had to fight tooth and nail to express myself in any way. i loved purple as a kid, my mother llikes purple, and all my sisters do too, but because my family takes no time to get to know me they think i only like black. my aunt gets bags, mugs, cups, blankets the whole nine with my sisters and moms names on them every year. ive been excluded from this for years because they refuse to believe i like anything but black. its a horrible feeling. theyve never wanted to see me. my home. my life. they dont care. no one wants to know me and im still struggling to figure out who i am but that doesnt excuse the lack of effort from those around me. but i also feel like i am not entitled to their love or care. they complain that i dont make the effort to check on them, or go visit, but on the flip side, my grandparents on my moms side have my number, they have never called me to checkup on me, to see if im even alive. why is it on me to make that effort? they can watch my sisters anytime my mom asks, they practically raise my cousin, and my other cousin lived with them almost her whole life. i dont understand how they can do all that for them but i have never once received a “hey how are you doing? we miss you” idk. i just need a space to vent and thats what this is right? a space for me to express the feelings i cant tell anyone else because theyre too far up their own ass to even begin to understand anyone elses problems. anyway. i did a crazy work out today, actually pretty proud of myself. my roommate watched me for the first time and was amazed at what i could do even tho i work out every day and i was happy that i could out last him even tho he likes to think hes stronger than me i have much stronger endurance. i havent been sleeping. i can count the good nights of sleep on one hand with fingers to spare. its been tough. lots of intrusive thoughts, lots of fear and anxiety. i really want help. i want to stop feeling like this i want to feel peace and calm for once in my life and that feels like it may never even happen. i have thoughts of the guy i always post about. he was here yesterday, the more he comes over the more i see just how human he is, its reassuring because even though i am flawed and i have my issues he still texts me and comes over and he always asks me if im doing okay before we do anything and after he asks me if im okay and if im good, no man in my life has ever cared enough and thats how i now hes a good person but it breaks my heart because he is good man who i cant have. hes not mine and i know he never will be but im thankful for him. i think about all the little things that make me smile. i was once having the biggest panic attack and he came over, held me, and distracted me from the world, that isnt his place im not his responsibility and i feel weird saying this but i am sad that his ex wife left him when their child was born, and i dont know the circumstances of their life back then but damn he would be an amazing father. he is safe. i cant have it, and i tear up thinking about it. i want that, i want a man i trust wholeheartedly. he makes me feel attractive, sexier than ive ever been. beyond that i literally cant help but smile around him, i feel aware of everything around him, his smell is intoxicating, truly the first man ive ever looked at and i cant find a single flaw, i would listen to him talk forever, sitting on my counter in a lace top and panties talking to him leaned against the wall and hes casually eyeing me, makes a comment about how i must be easy to shop for. thinking back i crave his eyes on me. he likes the things i hate, ive found acceptance in a way i have never known. my insecurities, my physical flaws, my ugly faces, ugly sounds, they become my strongest assets because he likes them, i can wrap him around my finger and the man who never looses his cool is melting under me. but on the same note he can ruin me, he makes me feel content like ive never known, i crave the touch, the passion, the last look he takes before walking out my back door, the hop skip and a jump i do through my kitchen after locking the door. he leaves me laughing every time, god i could talk about him forever. i fucking hate it, i hate that i cant have it. i cant have a man like that. fine. i tap out, ive ranted a whole novel and i know itll just devolve into sad thoughts and trauma that should be unpacked with a therapist, not written on a platform for me to look back on and regret. maybe one day i can write about my progress, how im getting better, how sex is a healthy thing, how im in a stable relationship that will last the rest of my life, how i can trust, how i can look at a strong man and not cry at the thought of not having a father figure in my life. maybe one day...
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