#and I'm sensitive to caffeine lolololol

[fit-as-fxck]

saturday workout & update

Warmup pushing a 165 lb sled x5 and pulling it back into place x20 yards

mobility warmup

conventional deadlifts 2 sets of 8 reps

barbell row x2 sets and then I got bored and decided I didn’t want to work back today

sumo deadlift 4 sets @ RPE of 8

dumbbell tension & pause squats 4x15

superset with: dumbbell tension RDL’s 4x15 

scapular pull-ups and dead hangs until failure 

Some notes on this: strength on deadlifts is definitely down but thats okay because it’s not as low as I thought. My pull-up work is feeling really good lately. I’m working on grip strength pretty much at the end of every workout. I threw in a few barbell squats at the end of this workout but didn’t count them because I wanted to try out a lifting belt. The belt was pointless for me because I couldn't get it tight enough on me, even on the smallest notch (such is life). 

My weekly routine is looking like: 

Two or three days of lifting (Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday).

Three days of running (Monday, Wednesday, Friday). 

Sunday is a hiking day or resting day. 

This plan is flexible because I do go to yoga and might throw in weight training on most days after my runs. It all just depends. I’m moving with what works for me right now and focusing on eating e n o u g h . Unfortunately that was my kryptonite. I have to convince myself that eating enough won’t make me spontaneously combust. It’s a weird irrational fear I developed but I'm glad I caught it in time to stop it. I greatly underestimated the amount of general activity I get on a daily basis outside of my workouts. For instance, yesterday I hit 20,000 steps. Yep. Moving a ton. I swear, everyday something new dawns on me. 

My cardio is in the trash but I’m able to get it back out with effort and the more I eat - the more I’m able to handle and feel “better”, ya know? I’ve split my lifting workouts into push/pull days, even though I’m focusing on running right now and just using the weight training to supplement. I still LOVE to throw heavy weight around. There’s just something about it that makes me feel fierce and I don’t want to lose any strength gains. 

It recently struck me how... weird I'm feeling about where I’m at. My cardio is in the trash and getting it back out of the trash can feels D I F F I C U L T . But doable with persistence. The thing about getting yourself out of the trash can is that getting over the initial hump of “oh shit. this is where I'm at and it’s hard” is a tough pill to swallow. It feels almost humiliating. Not like “ha ha you’re in a trash can” but like swallowing my own pride enough to accept where I am. In order to get anywhere, you first have to accept exactly where you are and know that moving from it is possible. Most people don’t want to do either of those things. They don’t want to love and accept where they are at and that it is hard and they don’t want to believe that they are much more powerful than they think they are. Your beliefs are built through action. However painful at first but that action builds confidence that others can’t destroy. After you get over that hump of “oh shit this is hard for me and once upon a time it wasn't”, well, it won't be easy but at least you won't have to get over the hump again. I tried to stay really objective about it and not be a dramatic bitch but I am hooooooman to the utmost degree and this week felt terrible but it won't for long. If I had a dollar for every time I had a really stupid setback in life (idk how to finish this sentence so use your imagination). Sometimes I take a look at it and I'm like, wow. I’ve fucked up so many times, in so many different ways that I've lost count. I’m going to be 30 soon believe it or not and I'm still out here fucking up. Maybe you don't ever reach a point where you don't fuck up anymore. But the good news is the only way to learn is through failure and finding out what DOESN’T work gets us closer to what DOES. It’s the trying 99 times until you get that 100th time where it works. You can only learn this on your own or watching others and learning from their mistakes too but not many are honest and real about theirs. It’s important to note that everything is relative so comparing your story to someone else’s and vice versa is pointless and will do nothing but send you into a pit of despair. Just make sure the story you are telling yourself is one of growth and possibility (because we are the stories we tell ourselves) and not a life held back by your own limiting beliefs because of the other highlight reels you see. At any moment you can choose to be the comeback kid. Its a choice. And so I do the only thing I know how to do - I move forward, knowing that I made a mistake many people have made (or haven’t) and that by doing this it has turned me into a wiser person.

I’m taking the rest of the month off of Tumblr updates because I want to remain focused, put my head down and work. I’ll continue to increase calories and activities as I see fit and track my progress.