#anon this set me off on an absolute tangent oml

[heartpascal]

every so often i reread all of your if the door wasn't shut series, just because it's my literal favorite thing i've ever read <3

i always love thinking about the what ifs because the whole series is so so good as you wrote it and you just put so many things into it that open up so many other thoughts and it just hits every single good spot in my brain

and i always think back to those posts you made about what if it was the reader instead joel in part two, because that was such an awesome and devastating thought. but today i was thinking about it and i was thinking what if it was still joel, and what would the reader look like after that, you know? like how would she deal with that for herself, and also how would she feel about tommy and ellie leaving? OR would she have gone too? i don't think she would have, but that's just me. i'm just very stuck on thinking about what the reader's relationships with ellie and tommy would look like during and after part two

okay i feel like i said a lot of nothing😭 but i just wanted to share my half baked thoughts about how much i love that series and all your writing

anon !!!! this is so so kind oh my god hello ??? thank you!!! that series is very near and dear to me, and honestly i’m super glad i paused where i did. and left it so open because it leads to things like this!!! this series is as much your guys’ as it is mine this way !!! also please please always share your half baked thoughts or ANY thoughts i love love love to hear them :’)

but i would LOVE to talk about this. so MAJOR spoilers for tlou part two below the cut!

OKAY so if it WAS still joel, i agree, i don’t think the reader would have gone either!

her relationship with joel was never going to be the same, no matter what he said or did, that’s fact! we know this! but after joel dies, i honestly think r would feel guilty. i mean, this guy practically raised her for years. she loves him. and she can’t help but hate herself for the resentment she always felt towards him through those years. she was valid in feeling that way, obviously, but she feels guilty over it nonetheless.

i sometimes think about what if it had been her instead of or alongside ellie who found joel in that basement. i think she wouldve wanted revenge on those people, but i don’t think she would’ve been able to go and get it. maybe if she was there, the likelihood would absolutely have been higher for her just up and leaving like ellie and tommy did, but i don’t think she could bring herself to do that to maria or jesse - and that’s because of joel. she doesn’t ever want to do to them what he did to her, and so she would probably be able to stay.

would she have hated herself for it? maybe. would she have thought about the people who killed him for the rest of her life? absolutely. would she have felt guilty forever for letting them get away? without a doubt.

i think ellie leaving, reader would understand. she would feel the same compulsion ellie did, but reader had always had less fight in her compared to ellie.

but tommy? tommy leaving jackson? nope. she’d go mad. she would go insane at him. joel lived the rest of his days regretting leaving her behind at jackson, and tommy knew that. so why would he leave her? and after seeing the damage joel leaving did to her? it would upset her to an extent i can’t even explain. AND it would easily have maria kicking him out, throwing her wedding ring in his face the moment he returned, even with his injuries.

now, there are two scenarios here. jesse goes after ellie, we know this. what would reader do?

first scenario, and what i think is possibly more likely, she would go with him. now hear me out, ok, i know this doesn’t go with what i’ve previously said, but this is jesse. this is her best friend. she’s had to save his ass before, and god knows how guilty she felt about that. so what if something happened to him out there? she would never forgive herself. so, she would talk to maria. she would have a conversation. and when she would come back, she’d be back with jesse, or maybe, not at all. because i don’t think reader would handle abby killing joel and jesse. i don’t think she’d give abby the choice of letting her live or not. it would be abby or the reader, and that would be it. but in all honesty, i love r and i think she could save jesse because i am delusional and that is too much angst even for me 😇

second scenario, she would stay behind. there are zero ways that jesse would leave without telling her. ZERO. but i think there could be a world where the reader just wouldn’t be able to leave jackson, that old fear from back when she was travelling with joel and ellie could come back full force, and hadn’t she already lost enough? i think in this scenario, jesse might just convince her to stay. i think he would enlist maria’s help, too. they’re probably the only ones who could convince the reader of anything. now, if reader didn’t go, we know what happens. jesse wouldn’t come back. i don’t think she’d be able to forgive tommy, ellie or dina for that. even though she knows it wasn’t exactly their fault, there would be resentment there that she just couldn’t shake. after all, jesse left for them, right? because they couldn’t let go of the exact thing that got joel killed. the only thing i think would stop r going full no contact with them would be jj. there would be no world where she would let jesse’s son grow up without being involved. just no way. and you better know she’d be visiting jj every damn weekend to tell him stories of his dad. and in this situation, i think that after ellie would leave dina, dina would go to the reader. they would raise jj together, because she would never turn her back on that kid. never. and dina knew that.

so, all in all, she’d resent them. she’d understand them to a certain extent, but i don’t think she would be able to go after abby like they did.

during part two, she would have a far better relationship with joel than ellie did anyway, and therefore a better understanding of him. don’t get me wrong, it still wouldn’t be great, but it was something. she would be able to see that joel wouldn’t want this for them, for any of them. he felt guilty enough for everything he had done, everything he had put them through, and he certainly wouldn’t want them losing everything to avenge him. he just wouldn’t.

basically - there are a whole lot of ways this situation could go, and i think you guys could think of even more. there’s no set ending for this series, which is one of my favourite things about it. we can all think of our own endings for it, and i love that :’)

also, i think the fact it could go just about any way just emphasis that she is human!!! humans are not always predictable, and they do not always deal with things the same way. and given that a very present theme throughout the games is being human and what that means and how it shows and how you stay human even in incredible situations is just :’) pretty cool idk

but hey if you ever want me to try and write a certain scenario, i could give it a go! no promises though!!!