#anthony's maxnalysis

[lumaxramblings]

How does the relationship advice Max gave relate to childhood trauma?

I HOPED SOMEONE WOULD ASK LETS GO

so this is the advice she gives to el, right? what i'm going to go into here is max's trauma about her parents' divorce and her feelings on her stepfather.

this is quite long so i've divided it in parts for you: part 1 which has two sections ('the divorce' and 'emotional abuse') and part 2 which has one section ('conclusion'). the first two sections are basically explaining what happened within max's family, the conclusion is how it all affects max and a tl;dr of sorts.

ALSO THIS IS NOT BILLY HARGROVE FRIENDLY, GO AWAY BILLY STANS

TRIGGER WARNINGS: discussions of divorce and emotional child abuse (nothing graphic)

THE DIVORCE

so, the first question out of the way: can divorce cause trauma? the answer is a quick and easy yes, especially in max's case.

in the book runaway max, which is probably at least half-canon, max describes both her parents. her mother seems to be quite weak-willed, but still seems to just want the best for max. however, it is clear that max doesn't get nearly as support as she needs from her. max is an incredibly understanding and kind child, because she understands that her mom isn't really the supportive type, more like someone who takes care of her without the emotional support part. (NOTE: susan is NOT abusive. one of the reasons why she can't support her daughter is because they understand the world, themselves and each other in drastically different ways: susan cannot reach out to max because she doesn't understand her, and therefore cannot give her the emotional help or support she needs).

sam (max's father) on the other hand clearly understands max much better and doesn't question her boyish style or how she's Different than others (which could be autistic coding but thats for another day asjhshjs). in this case, he could be there, but he isn't, being too busy for her.

we can assume that max, as she was so young, was not given a talk about the divorce as a whole after the divorce had actually happened, given that her mother doesn't really seem the type for big, emotional conversations. she most likely got a simplified version of what was happening and why she'd be seeing her dad less because she was so young (around 8-9 based on max/billy's memories), which lead to misunderstanding and, as her father understood her more, she was naturally defensive of her dad (which is why we see her quick to defend him in the bus talk), and naturally a little resentful of her mom, especially considering she didn't truly grasp what had actually happened due to being so young.

this resentment would grow when susan starts dating again: in runaway max, it's mentioned that susan had flit from boyfriend to boyfriend, each of which eventually leaves because of personal issues (gambling, debts, etc). max sees this as a kind of betrayal to sam, and a complete change in what her family had been like - she would later know, around s2, that the cracks had always been there, and it was just a matter of time, but for now she's too young to think that her ex-family was anything but perfect, so she holds resentment towards her mom and starts to put her dad on a pedastal, as well as thinking that men are liars and cheaters.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

then susan marries neil, and with him comes billy. max, at first, was hopeful that she'd have a family again after her last one broke, only to be let down very quickly. here's a heartbreaking excerpt from runaway max:

billy doesn't treat her like a sister: in fact, he insists she's not his sister constantly, and emotionally abuses her.

'yes, yes, anthony, but what is emotional abuse?' i hear you cry. here's a definition from google itself:

Emotional abuse involves controlling another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate them. While most common in dating and married relationships, mental or emotional abuse can occur in any relationship—including among friends, family members, and co-workers.

the parts in bold are the parts that are relevant to max herself and billy's abuse of her. here's some symptoms and signs of emotional abuse, as well as some examples of said symptoms, taken from healthyplace.com:

you'll notice that billy has almost all the signs and shows off many of the examples given, particularly in episode two. there's this great post by @madcleradin (hey sierra, tell me if you want be untagged) with my reblogs to show the examples themselves and this is the root of max's self hatred and self blame, but the very short tl;dr version is that his abuse of her affects her perception of others and herself in a negative way.

neil also plays a role in this - max probably thought he was just another one in the list of shitty boyfriends, except when things started getting more serious, she started to get confused, though she was happy when told that she was going to have a family again, because at the time she was still in the mindset that 'family = comfort' because again, she was never told what caused the divorce, which lead to her thinking it was sudden and doesn't alter her view of what 'family' just yet.

she was excited to have a comfort, excited to have someone to talk to other than nate (her best friend), because she still associates family with comfort. but when billy abuses her, at first she's confused on why family would treat family like this. that's when her view of what family means does a 180º.

because they told her that neil and billy were family, she started associating the word 'family' with violence, fear and control. as she grew up, this just got planted more and more deeply within her, all while she still resents susan a little for a) leaving her dad and b) marrying neil and bringing him and his son into their life, a decision which has only lead to fear and pain on max's half.

CONCLUSION

you may be wondering what any of this has to do with max's advice to el. well, dear anon and readers, i am here to tell you.

in this, max isn't seeing mike as how she remembers him, and is thinking back to all those times those shitty boyfriends of her mom did the same thing, not realizing that it's not like that because mike genuinely does care about her and because they're fourteen (yk how when you're young you don't feel young until you look back when you're older? yeah that) it's not that deep yet. max has been thinking and calling the shitty boyfriends pieces of shit for years.

NOTE: max does NOT think mike is a bad person, nor does this mean she hates him. she just thinks what he did is shitty, but she clearly thinks he can make up for it (note how she says 'if he doesn't fix this, doesn't explain himself', which i doubt any of the boyfriends of her mom did). this is NOT a mike hate post, he's one of the characters of All Time, this is just about max's trauma !!!

now, this obviously isn't her talking about lucas (see here why honesty is a vital part of why lucas and max are friends), so max is almost definitely referring to her mom's boyfriends and can't see that mike isn't like those guys, as mentioned above.

this is straight up projection. really, all of max's lines regarding mileven this season are just projection, but this really shows. i cut out the part where she says that if he doesn't explain himself, then el should dump his ass because that, as mentioned above, is because mike is still her friend (if tentative because yk).

she doesn't understand why her mom can't just up and leave neil, and so when she sees el who she probably subconsciously parallels to her mother (in runaway max, her book, she describes her mom as "her personality changing into every guy she meets", so she's scared of that happening to el) and so she unintentionally projects her desire for susan to break up with neil onto el.

she wants susan to break up with neil, but as she can't have that and she has trauma from living in close quarters to an abuser she's dealing with her trauma this way.

NOTE: she is NOT using el only for her own gains. she genuinely thinks this is good advice, if only because of her warped perception of love and her mother's (failed) relationships.

this line is also evidence of max projecting onto el and mike, except this time she's not projecting her mom onto el, but instead herself. we know, via scenes in season two, that billy is extremely controlling of max. he gives her unspoken and spoken rules (unspoken would be don't speak back, don't blame him, etc etc; spoken would be the threat of what he'd do if she 'disobeyed' him). she has been controlled for a good near-half of her life via rules, especially considering we can presume neil also controlled her (although much less than billy did). she's been so roughly handled and controlled using rules, rules which she has to go by to survive in that household, that she literally can't see the tons of rules put on el being for her safety, because that's never how it's been for her.

a tl;dr of that paragraph: rules have been used on max with malicious intent for so long that max cannot recognize that the rules on el are for safety and come from a plce of love.

and a tl;dr for this whole essay: all of max's advice stems from her childhood trauma from her parents' divorce, her mom's boyfriends who were liars, and her abusive stepfamily

hope you liked this extremely long essay.... and aren't too upset when you asked for a page and i made you a book shshjshjhjss

yeah this was very long but i loved talking abt it, slr i've been busy but i've been excited to get this finished.

also... if im gonna be honest most of this was just me looking way too deep into what were actually just jokes abt female humor by the duffers and ik that but also like. its a trauma thing because max's experience of love and men is very different and shapes how she views them so ofc her relationship advice was off

anyways if youve read all that i'm platonically in love with you

[lumaxramblings]

a looooooooooong ramble on the lumax note scene

max has pushed him out for so long. she's been in an extended depressive episode for MONTHS, isolating herself and not talking to anyone. the significane of 'being here' in lumax's storyline is so fucking important: both for max, who has had everyone before either hurt her, leave her, or be unsupportive of her, and for lucas, who's main trait is loyalty, aka being there for his friends

'being there' for max means the same as it does for lucas: it doesn't just mean existing in the same presence. it means talking, communicating, feeling. it means being supportive of each others interests. max seems to have lost interest in the things she enjoys, meaning that lucas literally can't be there for her, while max doesn't show support in his own interest, which is noted in their earlier 'argument' that season. so what max means by 'i'm glad you're here' is, "i'm glad you're here for me, because i didn't think i was worth being there for."

and then max looks away. that's what she wanted to say. that's what she started the note-convo for. so she could say she was glad he was there. and she knows that he knows how much weight that has since she's spent the last few months actively avoiding him.

and then there's lucas. lucas who is afraid and sweet and honest and so so worried. "Movie friday?" has so much more weight after learning that, in lucas on the line, he asked her to the movies several times for months. and each time after he snuck in that little white note (THE SAME THING THEY'RE USING TO COMMUNICATE NOW!!!!), max hasn't responded, has ignored them. you can see his worry. he doesn't want to push too hard, doesn't want to go too far and then she pushes everyone out of her life again, but he wants this. he wants this as he loves her, and he wants this as he wants her to be happy. he wants to properly mend their relationship, and to be there for her, and he wants to be with her again.

and the way you can see max think about it. you can tell her first instinct is to say no, to protect herself, to protect him from her. but then... no. she wants this. she doesn't know whether she'll make it out alive but she does know she doesn't want to hide in her own little cave anymore. she doesn't want to stay away from him and dustin and the rest but especially him, not anymore.

so she doesn't just say yes. she wants to show lucas genuinely just how much she wants to go on this movie night, and when she pulls up the picture, she HESITATES. she's a little embarassed, and a little worried, and she's not used to being this vulnerable. it's not that she hates vulnerability here, but she's just so unused to it, so used to having to keep her guard up that she finds it strange to have it down. and she's a little worried that he's going to make fun of her, or ultimately reject her, but in the end, she wants this so bad, so so bad.

and then he smiles. and that's when she knows that they're... well, them again.

[lumaxramblings]

max scene where they’re in the creel house and lucas plays the piano to make her laugh?

ohhh such a beautiful scene :')

something i love in ep 5 specifically is how they show how subdued max is after her near-death situation. like, can you think of a single retort she made after the vecna situation?

ok this one's kinda hard since she's very :) in this scene but i'll do my best

so, this is the first time we see her softly honest since st2, with heavy empasis on 'softly' bc the "people have been telling me that my entire life and it's never true" dialogue doesn't count bc she said it angrily/annoyedly. this is a BIG point in her character, bc she knows how close death is, knows that now, she has to be true to him and with him, and so she reveals a newly developed fear of hers

lucas reassures her, and puts his arm on hers may i note how touchstarved she likely is and you can tell she's just. not used to this. getting cared for. getting genuinely reassures with no empty promises, with no strings attached, and you can tell she's surprised by it. also her eyes flicker to his lips twice mhm hmm max queen of subtlety

the piano scene is actually where you can actually see a semblance of their old selves coming into play - st2 was about how they met, st3 was about how acted around each other when relaxed, and st4 is how they reconnect, slowly building up the pieces of trust. for max, obviously that trust is harder to extend as everyone she trusts has lied to her so far, but here we can see them finally relaxing into themselves. max's remarks, for once, aren't mean or faux uncaring, but instead genuine and lighthearted. this is such a cute moment where we see max, for the first time this season, let her guard down, and it's just such a sweet moment.

the "i've missed your laugh" moment is SO important. because max hasn't had enough people in her life care about her to that extent - or rather, should i say, has had people SHOW her they care about her to that extent. saying 'i've missed your laugh' means 'i've missed making you happy. i've missed seeing you happy.' and you can see she doesn't know how to take it, taken aback by how much he cares about her, how much he - to quote lucas himself - sees her. notices the little things even her own mum can't.

it's just a very feelgood moment and it's one of my fave lumax moments this season

[lumaxramblings]

hard to pick one so here’s some to choose from lolol. that scene in ep 1 s4 where she’s listening to his game & ep4 s4 where she’s writing the letters & that scene in s3 where el comes over to her house & takes her to the mall i think ep 2 & the scene in s2 where they’re on top of the bus talking. pretty hard to pick one scene

THAT'S A LOT OKAY. LETS DO THIS. IM HONING MY MAX MAYFIELD ANALYZING SKILLS YOUR HONOR.

so that scene is clearly the show telling us that she still cares for our favourite teen dork, which is absolutely true (and very well done imo). she doesn't care about the game as she switches it off as soon as it ends but she listens to it for lucas, showing a care that she doesn't want to admit she still feels because... well, vulnerability. but here she lets herself be weak. she listens to the whole game until lucas's name appears - and keep in mind he's a benchwarmer. there's a high chance his name wouldn't have even been said, so she clearly cares about him, or else she wouldn't have listened to the entire game. tl;dr she cares about him a lot more than she lets him know

as i already answered the bulk of this in a previous ask, i'm gonna just do a brief version. she's resigned herself to her fate, and uses all night + all morning to write letters filled to the brim with emotions her emotionally constipated ass has been avoiding for months, which just shows how much she's accepted what's coming, hinting more at her implied suicidal ideations.

a reason why i love analyzing st3 max in particular so much is because she's more relaxed in her opinions than in the other two seasons. i'm going to explain the advice scene because it's really quite fascinating. so, max's parents are divorced, and max's stepdad is a piece of shit, and depending of how much runaway max is canon, max's mum has had several relationships with guys who lied. i've talked about max + honesty here so i'm not going into detail about that. what max does is very interesting here - as a result of both being young and having trauma, it's resulted in her being a little narrow-minded, so while hopper and mike genuinely do want el to be safe, max automatically assumes bad intentions due to having rules imposed upon in her by the men in her life (neil, b1ll7). she projects not only herself onto el, but also projects her mum and her failing relationships onto herself. in runaway max, max describes susan as 'her personality blending into every guy she meets', which i think is pretty canon (which is why she is the way she is in st4), she's afraid of that happening to el, which is why she tells her to dump him. also, that's something that's worked for her against the people controlling in her life, as with b1ll7 and the nailbat. tl;dr max's bad dating advice is a result of her trauma

i think it's explained pretty well in max + honesty, so.

[lumaxramblings]

What about the scene at the wheelers’ house after max survived vecna’s attack?

the scene with nancy and max? i'm assuming that's the one but if it's not please send me another ask. i'm gonna do this one anyways

so, this is quite possibly the quietest we've ever seen max. actually, scratch that, this is definitely the quietest we've seen max. most of the time, she comes up with a witty retort in no time, managing to recover herself in surprisingly short amounts of time (ex. 'well that's nice' after el tells them abt her vision, 'like she needs protection' after they all go their seperate ways, etc). this time, she's had all night to mull things over, so she's not freaked out or anything, just... quiet. small, even.

this is the first time in a while she's beeing shown such concern that isn't from lucas, and it shows. she's almost a little... slow with her responses? idk if you see that or maybe that's just me lmao but she's definitely liking all the concern for her, even if she doesn't feel like she deserves it.

i love this scene, not only because we finally get max and nancy interactions and nancy being an older sister to her (that she really desperately needs), but also because he can finally see the true max around other people. it's like she'd been hiding inside a block of ice but the concern and genuine love from all the people closest to her had managed to melt that, thawing her. she's much kinder now, quieter but kinder, and acting more like her genuine self.

this scene in particular, i'm just realizing now, is the true max, with no walls up, her guard down. she's kind, and she really is just a sweet kid.

[lumaxramblings]

max scene when they’re at school and after she’s had the vision lucas arrives

hoh boy. tw for ment of suicidal thoughts

so, before she realizes, she's on detective mode. that's easy enough to see. she's determined to get to the bottom of this. then when she sees that fred's file is there too, she becomes a bit more disconcerted, more concerned for herself.

something jarring this season to watch was max being genuinely scared. sure, we've seen snippets of it (ex. max at the junkyard and in the mall), but it's never been the focus, never been center stage. because she's such a tough character who doesn't show her emotions easily, it's shocking to see her so obviously terrified. sadie popped off with the acting here tbh. you can almost hear max's thoughts through her expression, piecing things together.

i'm not gonna analyse the hallucination because she's just terrified LMAO

afterwards, though, we see max is clearly scared out of her mind, overwhelmed by what she saw and afraid that she knows what it means. when she's piecing it out herself, she almost seems to go through the five stages of grief, and no, that's not an exaggeration. the only ones she doesn't do are denial and bargaining (forgetting/avoiding it and fighting off the truth), which i think hints towards her suicidal intentions more than she'd like to admit. she seems to accept her fate quickly, or as quickly as she can as a panicked sixteen-year-old, clearly scrambling to write the letters as she spent all night writing down the emotions she's tried her best to avoid confronting for months, each of which must have taken a while considering her problems with vulnerability.

by the time lucas is there, you get the general vibe that it's sunk in for her that she's going to die, so, at least from the viewer's pov, she resigns herself to fate fairly quickly.