#antis try not to invalidate victims challenge: impossible

[hikakaomybeloveds]

*VENT POST*

cw for mentions of cocsa, grooming, and intrusive thoughts (specifically surrounding csa)

note: i am talking about my own incredibly personal trauma here. please do not speculate on what may have happened to me outside of what i say here, and please do not ask invasive questions. thank you

okay. i need to vent rn.

i'm so FUCKING SICK of antis.

i'm so sick of them and their stupid fucking rhetoric around fiction.

i am a survivor of cocsa. i lost my early teenage years to grooming due to the vulnerability caused by that sexual assault. i am proship and a shotacon who ships both shota/shota and non-shota/shota. THEY ARE COPING MECHANISMS. shipping yuu and tsubaki has genuinely *made me feel better and less gross* about being in a relationship with a 17-year-old when i was 12 because i was being groomed. i don't know why. i can't explain it. i just know it helps.

i also have HORRIFIC intrusive thoughts that often involve graphic imagery of me committing csa, specifically against my own siblings. don't feel this needs to be said, as it's kind of in the name, but these thoughts bring me immense distress.

antis will say, with their full chest, that i'm a groomer and pedophile and need to be kept away from children because of the things i ship and the kinds of characters i am attracted to. they will tell me i should not be able to see my own siblings because i'm going to harm them. this is DEEPLY triggering.

i live in fear that one day i will hurt a child. i don't want to. i know that. but i've had intrusive thoughts about it regularly *since the age of 11*. i am so scared that one day i will act on those thoughts. and regularly seeing people call me a child abuser for the way i cope with my own trauma is absolutely not making that any better.

genuinely fuck antis and their moralizing bullshit about the ways fiction affect reality. try this on for size: you are actively triggering a childhood sexual assault and grooming survivor when you call shotacons or proshippers in general pedophiles.

fuck you.