#any advice or comments appreciated bc sometimes i feel like i lifehacked my way into mega ultra mental illness sometimes

[turing-tested]

I just don't understand why me telling people I'm faking and lying and pretending to have symptoms doesn't work. like i can't wrap my head around the fact that I try to tell people all the time that I am literally making it all up and that it's all in my head and that I'm not actually mentally ill and no one ever believes me and it's frustrating bc it feels like....the logic is "if I tell someone I'm faking and making it all up then it will wrap back around to the idea that they'll actually believe I do have problems bc people who dont have issues don't say that" and it just makes me feel like an asshole deep down who is doing some 1000 IQ shithead play to manipulate people. like. idk. does anyone relate to this or have opinions on it bc I feel like an insane person half the time to be like 'i am pretending to have symptoms and I'm making it all up" (because I don't have any ♥️)

I know this probably doesn't make any sense at all but I'm in a weird part of my brain recently where I need desperately people to know that I'm not actually having any problems and that I'm just trying to get sympathy and to not be held accountable for my own actions and that I'm just trying to get a cop out for my behavior