#anyway depending on your preferred ride tolerance you might convince them to go on a real speedy one or the reverse

[wired-heartbeats]

Imagine being at an amusement park or fair, and standing in front of a ride that requires two people in order to get on and ride it. Maybe you’re here alone or the people you came with don’t want to ride so you’re hanging out in front of it to see if anyone else needs a random to get on with or are lingering around looking for a ride partner too. That is, until F/O-to-be waltzes up and practically deflates at the ‘Requires two people’ sign, glancing around as soon as they read it until their eyes meet yours (because of course you’re already lookin, damn they’re cute. Also you really wanna ride this ride), they point at the sign and then at you and themselves and you can’t help practically bounding up to them and introducing yourself, asking if they want a ride partner and if they’d like to get in line with you

Of course they say yes

Depending on the intensity of the ride and your own tolerances you may both end up laying in the grass nearby taking turns busting out in shaky laughter, after a few minutes of recovery and chatting you find yourselves back in the line hyping each other up, and then proceeding to hit as many rides as you both can before the place closes, chatting and laughing the whole rest of the day with each other, you end up exchanging numbers and social medias and promise to message the other that you got home safe

[punkscowardschampions]

Liam & Edie

Liam: [okay so wrong number text which isn't actually we know, which is just the location of some illegal rave moment that she'll wanna go to] Edie: treasure? ❌🗺 Liam: wooden leg would be useful to hide all the treasure we're bringing in Edie: Gutted I don't know anyone who's ever had an abscess go full necrotic ☠ Edie: and who wants to cart around a treasure chest Liam: don't wanna do your share of the heavy lifting, big surprise Edie: is it? Liam: outgrow this pussy behaviour before tonight as a favour to me Liam: I don't wanna cart that much dead weight about Edie: As I remember it, you owe me though Liam: your memory's in the 🚽 Liam: I owe nobody nothing Edie: yours is selective Edie: can't even get 11 digits down Liam: a barcode's got 12 & I told you it's your business if you wanna walk round inked like you've only lived that many years that's your lookout Liam: not holding your hand Edie: even more gutted, no doubt Edie: 💔 Liam: if you won't be talked out of it, put it on your balls where no-one'll see it Edie: Will you think I'm tough then? Liam: what kind of gay shit is this? Edie: 😂 Edie: go easy on your mate Edie: you got the wrong number Liam: fucked the 11 digits Liam: that's what you were trying to say Edie: mhmm Edie: that's what I said Edie: but a barcode tattoo is a shit idea Edie: agreed Liam: sick of being the voice of reason around here Edie: I find it's more entertaining to let people make the bad decisions, personally Liam: would be jokes until I look a sad twat by association Liam: wants it on his head Edie: 🙄 what's it gonna say, product of the system? Edie: pretty sure a serial killer has already done that Edie: or some shit rapper Liam: he is a shit rapper Liam: [link] Edie: oh Edie: I know him Liam: serious? Edie: by association Edie: I'm a less shit musician in general, not that that's any brag Liam: can I get a listen or you're just here to promo to set me off on a ❌🗺 as payback? Edie: depends Edie: who's heading the rave you linked? Liam: [deets] Edie: alright Edie: you're not 12 like your pal Edie: [links him her music] Edie: [definitely pictures and videos along with, as if you don't know who she is but pretending you don't lol] Liam: come tonight instead of him Edie: talking to strangers is one thing, boy Liam: you leave the bad decisions to everyone else Liam: don't sound as entertaining as it could be Edie: I meant for your safety Edie: could be anyone Liam: be full of nobodys and anyones when we get there Liam: I'm still gonna go Edie: what makes you stand out? Edie: as you ❌ the barcode Liam: when I track you down, I'll listen to your opinion about me Liam: I'm bragging before then Edie: 🤞 we can't hear much of anything over the bass Edie: not that you're intriguing enough to show up for Edie: but the invite is sound Liam: you'll still know what I think, never had an issue with body language over bass Edie: I think I can guess already Liam: 👌 guess Edie: don't take a mind reader Edie: body language and 💭 are one in the same Liam: it don't take a mind reader when you know you're beautiful and talented Edie: ha leave it out Liam: 🧯 Edie: less of that as well Edie: not a wet blanket Liam: 🧨 Edie: that I like Liam: buying 🎇🎆 if you have any requests Edie: [all the party drugs not in code 'cos we're not bothered] Liam: 👾 Edie: NOW I look forward to 👀 you Liam: guessed it Edie: what gave it away? Liam: the vids you linked me to Edie: that's your review? Edie: at least give me some ⭐s Liam: 3.5 Edie: 👌 Liam: I'll give you another 1/2 when the anti barcode tat song drops Edie: what about the other whole? Liam: get him on the track Edie: 😂 Edie: you're on Liam: 👌 Edie: thank god for the edit Liam: & that only you're allowed to freestyle it rule we just invented Edie: good thing I'm more talented than even you are demanding Liam: I'd agree but you've heard it once & you weren't a fan Edie: you can agree when you see it in person Edie: I don't do this online fake shit Liam: I'll have my turn at looking forward to 👀 you Liam: more than down to Edie: good luck Edie: I can't find any cars with spare seats, so it's gonna be a crowd clearly Liam: yours is in if you want his Edie: how will I get my freestyle if he can't catch a ride? 🤔 Liam: shit like that is what earns you the rest of the ⭐s Liam: talent's not just Liam: 🎤🎧 Edie: yeah, I'm well kind and considerate Edie: known for it Liam: good thing I am Liam: [pic of all the drugs he has picked up] Edie: 🤪 Liam: got a 🐷 mask to fit in post raid, can stick it on early if 🥴 isn't doing anything for you Edie: 💡⭐ Edie: if you can't hang with your gurn we can't hang, like Liam: [a gorgeous gurning pic from a previous rave moment] Edie: fit Liam: ha ha ha Edie: don't act like you don't know Liam: I do 👌 out of my mugshots Edie: convince him to get that tatted instead Liam: too gay Edie: alright I'll do it Liam: before or after you take his seat Edie: if you tell me your name I'll save you a spot to earn mine Liam: Liam Edie: alright, Liam, thanks for not having a long and hard to spell name Edie: give me 🖐 Liam: you can have 3.5 again Edie: [purposely leaving it a full five before coming back with his name stick n poked and then a shoddy box for the mugshot portrait to go in] Edie: tada Liam: 👏 Liam: I didn't think you would Edie: if I say I'll do something, I will Edie: why not Edie: loads of Liam's in this town Liam: don't act like it's a standard trick to pull Liam: he's been oohing & ahhing for months over identifying as frozen peas when his face gets scanned Edie: it's a win-win for me, no need to think on it Edie: either you end up being sound, then it's a memory attached, or I get a cool story about getting a tattoo of a mugshot to get a lift to a rave to tell my grandkids Liam: I wanted you to sit next to me 5 mins ago, I can be impressed, can't I? Edie: I accept impressed Edie: and 👏 of course Liam: what did it feel like? Edie: it's somewhere between a scratch and a burning sensation Edie: but deeper Liam: you'll have to do me Liam: I like the sales pitch Edie: what do you want? Liam: what can you do? Edie: on you, a lot better than I can myself Edie: anything you want, I'll make it happen Liam: thanks for accepting impressive Edie: I intend to be so I can Edie: not here to disappoint Liam: I only was willing to be when I thought I was talking to that little bitch boy Edie: no gay shit Liam: unless you like one of the girls in the car Edie: ha Edie: we'll 👀 obviously Edie: where you starting out, anyway, and when Liam: [a time and place, I like to imagine it's a longish drive to give them time to #bond UGH] Edie: [and usually is to go to a middle of nowhere moment so agreed[ Edie: I'll be there Liam: would make me laugh if you don't show now Liam: longest chat I've had for ages Edie: even if I missed you 🚗 I've hitched before Edie: and it's been ages since I've been to a decent party so Liam: my pic could've fooled you but that last one was shit Liam: got a better feeling this time Edie: I feel you Edie: 💊🥤 just makes it tolerable Edie: down to 👀 yeah? Liam: Yeah Edie: better go find my glitter and gemstones out ✌ Liam: I feel you, will take me a while to paint my 💪 UV Liam: not got as steady a hand as you Edie: damn, that was almost impressive Liam: I'll work on it Edie: your steady hand or your bragging about your 💪? Liam: which one's letting me down the most? Edie: 🤔 Edie: you don't need to tattoo me yourself Edie: you are good looking enough you could get away with being cockier, go with that Liam: 👌 but now you've made me wanna tattoo you myself Edie: maybe Edie: if you think of a good idea, we'll overlook the shaky lines Liam: I'll try & think of an idea where wavy lines are part of it Edie: smart Edie: I like it Liam: 🌊 or something Liam: but less shit Liam: 📻 ones maybe Edie: you have any? Edie: professional ones, like Edie: you asked what stick n poke felt like so obviously not Liam: spend my money as fast as I have it Liam: what are you gonna charge me? Edie: what else are you gonna do with it though Edie: see how nice or poor I'm feeling Liam: I won't let the 💊🥤 run out, you'll feel a lot better than nice Edie: deal 🤩 Liam: be me blinded by your glitter & gems Edie: not actually my first rave Edie: but I can raid my little sister's shit if that's part of the deal Liam: see you in a 👑 will I? Edie: that's just standard day to day tbh 🤷 Liam: how many raves have you done? Edie: I've tried not to be in at the weekend since I was like 12 myself so Edie: enough that I know there's nothing fun or attractive about freezing your tits off in a neon bikini in a field Edie: what about you, you're [the year he'd be in which is either 2nd to last or last, either way], right? Liam: hasty to go with unattractive Liam: but yep, you're not wrong Edie: 😏 Edie: I get it, you wanna match 💪 Liam: no gay shit, your own words Liam: I didn't go to my first one until I was like 15, still not impressing anyone here Edie: me either Edie: middle child syndrome or whatever Liam: trade you oldest and only son if you want it Edie: Attention is grand and all but too much parental attention isn't what I'm aiming for Liam: can't offer you it Liam: my parents attention is elsewhere Edie: yours still together? Liam: nah Edie: oh good Edie: wouldn't know what to do with a dad Liam: not lots you can do with mine Edie: might be stuck being ourselves for the foreseeable anyway Edie: not a convincing freaky friday/parent trap situation you and me Liam: shame I won't get to 🎸 & lay down a track with your talent Edie: just buzzin' off all the things I could lift obviously 💪 Liam: this where I get cocky like you said? Liam: go on about how much I can Edie: you could Edie: but I'm clearly impressed before you need to use that tactic Liam: it's too desperate Liam: we both know I can pick you up if you get stuck in the mud later on Edie: we both know it's every man for himself when the 🐷 show Liam: I got you a mask Liam: yours has lipstick and more eyelashes, so we know Edie: thank god Edie: fragile femininity anyone? Liam: prefer toxic masculinity Edie: same Liam: 👍 Edie: if the daddy issues weren't glaring the 👑 will make 'em blinding Liam: we can pretend that since you're with me no-one'll be looking at you if you want Edie: the freedom Liam: I'll give you 🛢🧨 to play with Liam: 🔥 will take the attention Edie: really? Liam: 🎇🎆 wasn't only a code Liam: I do have some Edie: 🤩 no joke Edie: I wanna blow shit up Liam: that's all I ever wanna do Edie: yeah Edie: feel that too Liam: if you can capture 🔥 in a tat that'd be something worth considering Liam: not in a gay way like 🎲💀♠ Edie: that's overplayed, and doesn't mean anything Edie: I'll do some designs, providing I make it home alive Liam: supposed to see my dad tomorrow for the first time in months, don't think I'll rush back Edie: 🛢🧨🎇🎆 why would you Liam: don't feel you have to either, unless you're catfishing me Edie: I'd pick someone else if I was Edie: and you accidentally texted me Liam: I'm into the someone I accidentally texted, full fucking offense to whoever you wanna pick Edie: then I'll stick around too Edie: nothing I'm rushing back for Liam: it's in writing I'm not kidnapping you Liam: have to do a mugshot monday instead or something Edie: feel free Edie: I can't see that I'd mind Liam: being kidnapped or sharing a cell? Edie: hmm Edie: both Edie: though the involvement of bars to keep me about is unnecessary really Liam: does hitchiking only work if you're a girl with killer eyes? asking for myself before we torch the car Edie: as you're toxically masculine, most people'd be afraid to stop for you alone but as we're together, you should be safe and not an axe murderer Edie: unless I'm pulling a Hindley Liam: when we go for that we'll think it through more Liam: 🐶 or 👶 on board Edie: I can borrow one Edie: 👶 more likely Edie: people don't like cats enough Liam: I'll get over a fence to grab us a dog Edie: in one step, like Liam: depending on the fence Edie: sure, don't wanna oversell it Liam: you don't want no online fake shit Edie: just telling you so you know Edie: not the same Liam: thanks for telling me Edie: yeah alright Edie: didn't lecture you did I Liam: nah you didn't Edie: there we go then Liam: [quotes some of her own lyrics at her that he likes because genuinely listening to these tracks] Liam: you could sell that harder Edie: I'll work it out in my freestyle Liam: 🛢🧨 Edie: 🔥 Liam: 🎇🎆 Edie: 🤩 Liam: let's see your glitter Edie: checking it's not a catfish? Liam: can't show you mine first, too cocky behaviour Edie: [a rave lewk when we've clearly done the most to do the least you know the vibe] Liam: [I like to think he's written her name in body paint wherever she put her stick n poke so have a pic of that gal] Edie: 👍 Edie: approved Liam: what do you want your i dotted with? Liam: about as artistic as you'll get me to be Edie: ⭐ Edie: has to be Liam: [an adorable little star has been added so have another pic] Edie: perfect Liam: thanks for having a name that's short and easy to spell yourself Edie: oh yeah, snap Liam: except I haven't met another one of yours Edie: maybe an 👵 Liam: prefer a silent snatch & grab Edie: 😂 Edie: alright, then I can be the one and only Liam: do you wanna guess what I think about it? Edie: I have Edie: be too cocky to say Liam: I'll do it then, you said I can get away with more of it Liam: I think it'd be good if you were Edie: let's see if you're right Liam: feels like I am but yeah we'll 👀 Edie: it is weird Edie: how you randomly found my number instead Edie: how many # were you out by? Liam: you'll have his if you didn't before Liam: last number Edie: crazy Edie: another good story Liam: should've been a 6 but I did a 9 Edie: 🤪 love that Liam: I'll lose my phone again if you're what I find Edie: I'll save your number then Edie: or add it to the tat Liam: since you love how it feels Edie: and I'm no less liable to lose my phone, so Edie: the pain is just a bonus Liam: I can add it as fuel to the 🔥 any time you'd like an excuse to cross my number out & go again Edie: I won't run out of ideas either way Liam: what about space? Edie: not anytime soon Edie: I'll have to go back to biro and keep it less permanent after that Liam: leave it on the bodies of our victims like the shittiest calling card for the 🐷 Liam: call me Edie: ooh Edie: we could get really zodiac with that though Edie: only murder people on days ending in 9 Liam: I like it Edie: I'll go solo if you piss me off and do it on 6 days Liam: I'll start staging them like they've starred in your vids to get your forgiveness Liam: attention to detail for attention from you Edie: we can communicate through corpses Edie: that's new, no one's done that before Liam: when I keep the 👀 as a 🏆 you'll know I wanna see you Edie: romantic, aren't you Liam: toxic like my masculinity Edie: good Liam: ☢️ better than a barcode but not by a lot Edie: I could do you a Chernobyl victim tat Edie: get the toxic and the 🔥 in a really untasteful onner Liam: 👌 you're beautiful, talented & smart Liam: don't give me any flaws to pick at then Edie: I did say untasteful instead of distasteful, if you wanna be pedantic and take away smart so you can save some toxic masculinity points Edie: one-ner, also, doesn't translate to typing Liam: when it took you pointing it out, I don't think I can take anything away from you Edie: you can try Edie: again, like kidnapping, might not mind Liam: I can't help thinking it'd be better to give you things Edie: 🎇🎆🛢🧨? Liam: all that Liam: ⭐🐶👶 Liam: & anything else I've not remembered Edie: we can keep the puppy right Liam: what else would we do with it? Edie: just letting you know I draw the line at puppy killing Edie: get that out of the way now Liam: me too Liam: never microwaved any 🐹 or thrown them at the wall Edie: imagine how big you look to 🐹 Liam: 🏙🦖 Edie: definitely made that 📹 as a kid Liam: I'll be in the remake next time you're stuck for a vid idea Liam: if you still have it, we'll kick it frame for frame Edie: you'd be perfect for my next project Liam: sign me up Edie: [tat pic again like I already did] Liam: what else have you got? Edie: [just a comprehensive pic rundown of your tats that are all just silly ones you've done on the whole hope you've not got them anywhere too scandalous but realistically gonna need to be able to hide them when school so it's probably mostly legs at and like, upper arm and ribs/hip vibes] Liam: 😍 Edie: I'll tell you all the stories later when we're smashed Liam: no awkward silences in the car Liam: great idea Edie: not if the other girls are hot Liam: there's one I think you'd like Liam: you'll have to tell me if I'm wrong Edie: I'll flash a 6 or a 9 and you'll know Liam: she can be our first victim either way Edie: 😈 Liam: 🚗🔥 Liam: 🔐 Edie: 😍 Edie: you win Liam: how do you feel about playing games? Liam: 6 or 9 Edie: 9 Liam: same Edie: I know Liam: yeah, you're smart, I gave you that Edie: how smart is it that I wanna play with you? Liam: I'd call it a good decision, which maybe isn't smart if you only like bad ones Edie: I just like doing what I want Edie: good or bad is mostly irrelevant Liam: so do what you want Edie: you to be here now Liam: direct me 🗺❌ Edie: [at least you've had the good sense to be in town not at yours] Liam: [lord imagine] Edie: [like sure Rio ain't about but still don't need to be inviting you in quite yet lol] Liam: [her room is still there and no thank you hun] Edie: [not today huns, we can either skip to post rave now or post this as is?]

[nevertrustamanwho]

How to make relationships work

When I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, like most abusive relationships it started out great (or so it felt and seemed to me at that time anyway). Then things kind of slowly started going downhill after some months, but even though he'd changed I held onto the hope that he'd change back. I still loved him even though I kinda hated him, and every time we got close to ending it he'd pull me back in by saying stuff like he loved me, like he was sorry, like he'd change (even though previously he'd always said I was the problem, that he only did what he did because of me = major inconsistency. AND the thing that always pissed him off the most was when I told him he was being inconsistent lol).

But anyway, a lot of my strategy and thinking at first was: how do I make this work? I need a better relationship because I am suffering. (I thought of dumping him but I knew that would also cause me a lot of pain and I didn't trust myself to end it for good anyway.)

So I looked up advice on how to make it work (there is sooo much out there), I was pretty much determined to be the best girlfriend ever. Since I wanted a partner who was deeply committed to me and our relationship, I thought I should be that partner, too.

You always hear so many things like "you teach people how to treat you", I thought maybe I taught him to do this to me. "You can't change others, you can only change yourself / how you react to things", I thought ok I just need to change myself and how I react to things so I'll stop being upset with what he does (this is useful advice only outside of toxic relationships!). "Happiness is a choice", so maybe I'm just choosing to be unhappy. Even in therapy they told me "if you can't accept him for the way he is, you should leave him", but what they don't realize is that this is basically the same as "If you want a good relationship, then you need to accept him exactly the way he is" which, NO! Because he is not accepting me exactly as I am! I shouldn't have to do all the work! He is hurting me and putting in no effort and telling me everything is my fault. He is the problem, not me! It didn't help that my mom was getting heavily into Christianity at the time, and passed on harmful ideas to me like "love suffers everything" (yikes) and even though I was feminist enough to see through a lot of the bullshit, there was still stuff like that, and I loved him so much and was suffering so much, so it made sense, right? ("Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" don't even get me started on that one. Which is not in itself a bad philosophy BUT IN MY CASE, IN THE CASE OF ABUSE, IT WAS VERY COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.) He also injected bullshit into my brain himself, for example he didn't like telling me he loved me even though he claimed he did and said stuff like "actions speak louder than words" and cited times he'd been there when my mom had psychotic episodes, and other good things he'd done (doesn't negate him having treated me and still treating me badly), so now I wasn't allowed to feel bad about him not wanting to tell me he loved me, or acting like I wasn't even his gf in front of others, because he "said it with his actions".

You always hear "communication is the key to a good relationship" so I thought, I must not be communicating well enough then. I learned about non-violent communication and tried it, didn't work. In fact, it made him listen to me even less. Another thing was that you shouldn't say to your partner "you always (x)" or "you never (x)"; which yeah it is bad for communication, it'll make the other person get defensive and is probably not 100% true, BUT in order to recognize abuse or toxic relationships you need to be able to recognize and acknowledge patterns. I also sent him every resource I found on improving relationships, all of which he just responded with "we don't need to read things, we just need to feel" or some woo woo crap like that to make himself sound enlightened, and make me seem like I was ridiculous or robotic for approaching relationships and emotional things in a logical manner, while justifying his own lazy ass.

I always wanted to be that person who doesn't bail when the going gets rough, you know? Ride or die is how they call it? So another way I rationalized it was "all couples have problems, I'm not gonna just throw everything away because of that" and I felt proud of myself for not "giving up". (Cutting your losses can often be the best way to go.) One recurring thing was him comparing me to his exes and it's embarrassing to admit but sometimes I basically thought "our relationship has to last at least as long as his relationship with her did, preferably longer". I don't remember if I asked myself why I thought that or how exactly I justified that that made sense.

The other thing was that it hurt so much and I was so frustrated and confused (because gaslighting), so I wasn't a perfect partner either, in part because I'm a HUMAN and in part because being messed with just really messes you up. I once made out with one of his friends in front of his other friends and he ended up catching me doing it also. I once kicked him in the balls out of nowhere when I was really drunk (in retrospect he totally deserved it lmao but in the moment he really didn't do anything to warrant that).

There's probably more to add to this, but I guess in essence what I want to say is:

1) Self-help stuff and therapy doesn't work to fix an abusive / toxic relationship, in fact it can even set you back sometimes.

Therapists basically aren't allowed to tell you what to do, including that breaking up with someone would be the best choice for you. They often can't recognize emotional abuse or maybe don't even know about it? They might even convince you that you're the problem because clearly you're unstable or maybe just because all they can do is help you with only "you" anyway. Couples therapy is known not to work when there is abuse and just makes things worse, and individual therapy for abusers can often make them better at abusing! (Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft expands on this in one chapter.)

2) Realize that not all relationships can be fixed.

One important thing to remember is that love alone doesn't make relationships work, even non-abusive relationships, even if you both truly, deeply love each other. If you are the one putting in all the work, it's not worth it and it's not going to work, unless you define a relationship "working" as being miserable a lot of the time but still together.

3) Don't take pride in how much shit you can tolerate and forgive.

This is something that is so instilled into women to do. And it's hard to think differently because abusers destroy your self esteem, so what else is there to be proud of? What other good qualities do I have? But if you attach this to your identity it's going to make it that much harder to leave, because not only are you attached to him and to the relationship in itself, but now your pride and sense of self also depend on it. You're not a failure if you quit and "failed" relationships are nothing to be embarrassed about.

How to make relationships work? You can't. Not you alone, anyway.

I hope this can help someone out there ❤️❤️❤️