#anyway episode 10 happened and I needed to draw him smiling to soothe my soul

[lots-o-doodles]

I'd do anything to see him smile again 🌤

[gotov-otvechat-blog]

Murder (part 2)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Word count: 1,834

Warnings:  angst, fluff at the end, a little bit of swearing

Summary: Peter killed a criminal and now is having trouble dealing with it himself, and does not want to trouble you with it.

(not my gif)

(part 1)  masterlist

A couple of weeks have passed since that night, when Peter stumbled into your bedroom window. You would check up on him every day, to make sure he was dealing all right. And everyday he would smile at you, tell you that he is grateful to have you in his life, and reassure you that he was okay. That didn’t stop you from noticing him get distracted in class, not paying attention to when Ned was rambling about all of their favorite things to cheer peter up; the circles under his eyes were darker than ever, he hasn’t been doing his homework. He was fading away like a footprint being washed away from the sad, not a sign of the person who left them. Michelle was even disturbed by Peter, after drawing him about 5 times.

The media wasn’t helping at all, headlines such as ‘The Friendly Neighborhood Hero Gone Dark’ or ‘Spider-Man has had enough of saving worthless criminals. NEW MISSION: To KILL.’ You tried to avoid this as much as it was possible, the more you saw of them, the more they hurt you.

One day Peter just didn’t show up to school. He was getting you worried sick, making you call him but only getting voicemail instead.

After school you headed over to Peters house, walking into May as she was going out to work.

“Hey May, is Peter alright?” you asked, careful not show just how much you were concerned.

“Hi Y/N, he’s fine, he’s just sick today but he is in his bedroom. Nice of you to stop by today. Sorry I can’t chat with you now, I’m kind of late for my shift, but if you want anything there is some left over take out in the fridge or you can just make something you know where everything is. Anyway try to see if you can get him out of bed, ill see you later!” May grabbed her keys and smiled at you as she opened the door again.

“Bye May!” you chuckled at her ability to ramble on just like Peter does. Maybe that’s where he gets it.

You made a cup of tea before heading over to his bedroom. There you saw the outline of his body on his bed, facing the wall. Only now he was shaking like that night. Settling down the tea on his desk, worry knotting deep in your stomach and clawing up your throat as you quietly padded over to his bed and sat beside him.

“Hey Peter, sweetheart,” you whispered, as you took his shoulders carefully not to startle him.

As you looked over him you gave out a little gasp, one of his eyes was swollen purple and there were dried tears on his cheeks. He was muttering something and his eyes were frantically moving all about.

“No, no, stop. I know that I killed him. YES I AM A MURDERER, but please, please don’t touch her.  Let her go. NO!” Peter was now sobbing, his face scrunched up in pain. Your heart shattered right there, your own eyes had tears streaming down. You knew he was dreaming about you.

All of the sudden Peter shot up from the bed, grasping for breath, his chest heaving.

“Hey, hey, hey, hush now, I’m here, Peter,” you embraced him tightly; desperate to help him with the guilt that was tearing him apart from the inside.

Peter grabbed at you, burying his head in your neck, soaking your shirt just as you did his.

“Y/N, wha-what are you doing here? You’re not supposed to see me like this,” he pulled back to look into your eyes, they were full of anguish and bloodshot, but they were beautiful, beguiling with different flecks of brown; the eyes that could practically make you do anything.

“You seem to forget, Peter, that I love you and would go to moon and back without a spacesuit just to be with you. I know that you don’t want burden anyone else with this, but I can’t watch you tear yourself apart without doing anything about it. I need you to listen to me and understand what I am saying to you. I would go through hell for you, love,” you pleaded with him with your y/e/c eyes, begging him to let go.

“You shouldn’t be here, I don’t deserve you. I can’t make you listen to my mistakes-“

“PETER.  You are not listening to me. You are not making me do anything. I am here for you, you understand? You can let go. Let go peter. Tell me what is bothering you.”

His eyes tear up again and he tugged you back to him.  He starts to mutter into your neck, not wanting to look into your eyes as he tells you one of his deepest fears.

“I felt so much guilt for what I had done to him, that I tried to throw myself into being Spider-Man. But as I try to help people fathers steer their children away from me and mother screech at me to leave them and their kids alone. People in danger try to run away into the danger, because they are more terrified of than a freaking burning building. I don’t know what to do, because before whenever something happened to me as Peter I could always rely on being Spider-Man to save my day, but now the worst thing happened, people are now afraid of Spider-Man and I have no idea how to fix it.”

You were running you hands through his hair, soothing him, so that his sobs were becoming more of hiccups.

“But then I thought maybe sleeping would help, but all I see during my dreams is people screaming murderer at me, and some of them they take you, or May, or Ned and they kill you for revenge of that man,” Peter now pulled back to look at you, and now you could see the unshed tears and the pain that it would bring to him.

“I don’t know what I would do without you. I need you.”

His words melted you inside, but his russet eyes completely destroyed you. You leaned in to give a soft kiss on the lips.

“Thank you, for telling me. Ill tell you what I think but can I please take care of you? No offense, love, but you look like crap,” you smiled ruefully at him, knowing what he has been through for the last couple of weeks.

“I bare my soul to you and you tell me I look like crap,” peter teased you, smiling, but even barely a second later he winces.

“Dammit Peter you tell me all of this and don’t tell me you’re hurt? I made you tea, so drink it while I gather the supplies,” you command him, now slightly relieved that he has confided in you but still quite worried about his physical wellbeing.

While gathering an icepack and some Advil and other stuff, you received a message from Ned:

Ned: we r here with the food and the movies, u ready yet?

Y/N: gimme 10 min

Ned: ok

Y/N: do not eat all the food

Ned: WTH are u psychic

Y/N: no. i met u and have known u 4 years.

You went back to Peter, and while cleaning him up you started speaking:

“First of all Pete, do not ever worry me like that. Please. You have to let go of the fact that you made a mistake. If you don’t it will eat away at you. I also checked your guy, and he was not a good person. He was a rapist and the only good deed he ever did was stop breathing, and I know that this is not the way you do things but you still have to let it go. He didn’t have any relatives and has spent relatively twenty years in prison prior: I know that this wasn’t the only thing that was bothering you, but maybe this information would help you let go. Now the people are not your number one fans right now, but you have to win them over.”

“How?” Peter croaked, his voice still scratching from crying, while wincing, as you wiped a cut with antiseptic.

“Do the little things. Walk an old lady across the street. Help someone with their groceries. Then go back to what you used to do. You’ll show the public that you’re still who you where and that that was just a mistake you made.  Everyone makes mistakes. They will get over it, and you will be the people’s favorite superhero once again,” you told him as you kissed his forehead.

“You are so much wiser than me. I still think that you should be Spider-Man. I-I mean Spider-Woman.” His stuttering just makes you smiles again.

“Same mistake Parker? I thought you learned from you’re mistakes. Besides I think there is a reason why Yoda is not the hero of the story,” you knew you were head over heels with this boy, but that wasn’t a bad thing, not at all.

“My Yoda you are,” peter imitated one of your favorite characters and you laughed at him, melting once again as he pecked your lips.

“Okay, come on lover boy, lets go downstairs, I’ll make you something to eat,” you told him as you got up from the bed and hoped that Ned already had everything set up.

Peter hoped off the bed, following you close behind, and you laughed as he let out a slight yelp when there was a loud BANG as confetti poured down on both of you.

“WHAT THE HELL NED I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! Why are you giving me a heart attack?!” Peter half said half screeched at Ned.

“Well it was payback for not being in school today and not paying attention to me for the last two weeks,” Ned said, while still smiling at Peter.

The TV was turned on to The Empire Strikes Back, which as yours and Peters favorite Star Wars Episode; there was food all over the MJ was sitting on the couch shoving popcorn into her mouth while watching with amused eyes.

“What are you guys doing here tonight?” Peter looked at all of us with wide eyes.

“Well we all knew you needed a night off so we thought movie night with all of us would get your mind off things,” Ned explained to peter while sitting down on the couch, ”it was actually Y/N’s idea so.”

“Really?” Peter turned to look at you, drawing you in closer to him.

“I told you, moon and back for you,” you whispered, your eyes sparkling.

“Are you asshats done yet? I’m here for the movie,” MJ groaned,” and you, Peter,” she added after being glared at by Ned,” but mostly the movie and free food.”

Peter chuckled, and sat down pulling you into his lap as your favorite movie started.

“Thank you. I love you.”