#anyway here's closure for anyone watching my journey with this game | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sheirukitriesfandom · 4 years

Text

Hi all,

After being inspired by @littlegalerion‘s rant about the College and her ideas for a rewrite, I’ve decided to try my hand at a rewrite myself. Some of Littlegalerion’s ideas have found their way into my rewrite as well because they are just that good. Many thanks for letting me use them. Warning: this is a very long post and it does contain spoilers for the original questline.

For this alternate questline the original situation remains the same (Savos is archmage, Mirabelle master-wizard and Ancano remains a thalmor), however, there are way more "trivial" quests early on.

For example, before the first lesson with Tolfdir, the DB has to recover his alembic (Tolfdir just can't live without the damn thing idk). Then the lesson goes as planned, but the DB isn't yet sent to Saarthal. Instead, they're approached by Onmund for his personal quest.The DB doesn't have to complete it for the next lesson to start (thinking of a 12 or 24 hour cooldown), but due to the cool down why wouldn't they?

This pattern repeats for each of the magic schools, each requiring a quest for the professors (Missing apprentices for Phinis, Bullying Nirya for Faralda ir getting the two to end their feud, etc.). After the destruction and illusion lessons, the player is approached by J'zargo and Brelyna for their quests. Each lesson also advances the respective skill. Once the lessons are done, the students are invited to Saarthal where the quest proceeds as usual except that Quaranir doesn't appear. So the DB discovers the eye, informs Savos and is sent to retrieve the books.

For this quest, the DB is joined by Ancano, who claims to be interested in the Caller's studies (it's hinted that he's after the books too). Once the DB returns to the college, time stops and a psijic appears saying that by removing the eye a chain of events has been set in motion and that the eye mustn't be used by anyone and that they should seek out the Augur. The DB returns the books to Urag. Also, the DB gets a dialogue option to ask ALL staff about the psijics AND/OR the Augur, with answers ranging from "I don't know" to the answers we get in game and maybe some explanation of the psijic order as keepers of dangerous magical relics. When it comes to the Augur most people will also mention that the archmage made it clear that the subject isn't to be talked about.

Tolfdir will still be the one to direct the player to the Augur.The player speaks to the Augur, who reveals that Ancano also sought information about the Eye and that the Staff of Magnus is needed. Once the DB returns to inform Savos they're stopped by Ancano, who has been watching the DB and knows they've spoken to the Augur. Ancano is suspicious of the DB and reminds them that he'll be watching them closely. The DB then proceeds to inform Savos, but is stopped by Mirabelle coming from the archmage's quarters. She says the archmage is deeply immersed in his research and doesn't want to be bothered. Here, a speech check or a small distraction courtesy of your J'zargo will allow the player to pass.

Savos isn't just reluctant like he is in the game, he's in outright denial about the staff being important. However, with enough speech checks Savos eventually reveals that the Synod were asking for it. Should those speech checks not be passed, the player will have to ask around. In that case, Mirabelle will inform them eventually.

The expedition to Mzulft is left entirely unchanged.Upon returning from Mzulft the entrance to the Hall of the Elements is blocked by a ward, with Mirabelle and Tolfdir frantically discussing how to break through, all the while a very indignant Ancano demands to know what's going on.

As it turns out, Savos shut himself inside the hall trying to "do something" to the orb.Tolfdir and Mirabelle then attack the barrier asking the DB to help them.The spell needed to take down the barrier would also be at least adept level.

Together, Tolfdir, Mirabelle, the DB and Ancano storm into the hall. Mirabelle approaches Savos, asking him why, after all those years, he would betray the college and his friends like that, pleading him to stop. Savos' response doesn't make much sense. Something about it being necessary, about correcting a mistake.He asks Mirabelle to leave him be, desperation clearly audible in his voice, but when she refuses he attacks her and the explosion happens. And so, Savos ends up killing his loyal friend and master-wizard. Tolfdir needs a moment to recover and tells the DB to look for Ancano.

Eventually, they find Ancano outside reporting the events to the rest of the faculty until he's interrupted by a Winterhold guard storming into the courtyard while yelling about the town being attacked by magic anomalies.

Quickly, Faralda takes the sceptre into her own hands, instructing the teachers to contain the barrier as she and the apprentices head for the town. The DB gets the objective to help them, but is stopped by Ancano, who reveals the information he got from the Augur: the eye may be capable of rewriting or even unmaking reality. He sees the eye in the hands of the archmage as a threat, so Savos needs to be stopped.

The DB helps their fellow apprentices fight back the anomalies. When they're done, they're joined by Ancano. Once the DB mentions Labyrinthian Ancano reveals that Aren kept something in his chambers of that he was very protective, almost obsessively so, and that it may well be linked to Labyrinthian seeing as it used to be a training ground for future archmages.

The DB is tasked with investigating the archmage's quarters. There, the extend of Savos' planning, his research into the eye and his growing paranoia regarding the DB become clear. Eventually, the DB recovers the torc of Labyrinthian and heads off.

Back in town the apprentices ask to join the DB on that dangerous journey. At this point, the DB can choose to take Onmund, J'zargo or Brelyna to Labyrinthian or go alone/with a non-questline companion.

Labyrinthian remains the same story wise, but the dungeon itself contains way more wards and magical traps, requiring the DB to use a decent amount of spells. Oh, and no Estormo, sorry.

When the DB returns to Winterhold, the barrier has enveloped the entire college. The faculty have gathered outside, along with the remaining students and an injured Ancano, whom Colette is taking care of. Tolfdir, having recovered, explains that they were not strong enough to contain the barrier any longer. He is then interrupted by Faralda asking whether you have the staff.

Upon confirmation, the DB begins to dismantle the barrier layer by layer using the staff of Magnus, being thrown back every so often. With each destroyed layer, the DB receives a “vision”, a fragment of Savos' mind, though twisted and erratic.Those “visions” fill in the missing gaps: He was trying to undo his mistake in Labyrinthian by using the eye's reality bending powers. When the DB finally destroys the last ward the last vision is just an amalgamation of various ways to say sorry, a last cry for forgiveness.

At this point, Savos is too far gone, having been consumed by the power of the eye. The DB and friends fight against Savos, with him using summons, locking allies in wards or frenzying them, etc. A real wizard battle ensues. At the end of it all Savos lies on the floor, broken and dying. When the DB approaches him, a dialogue begins. In a final moment of clarity Savos realizes what he has done. He resigns himself to death, knowing that he tore down all he sought to build, just because instead of trying to move forward, he wanted to redo the past. In his final moments he asks the DB if Morokei was defeated, if Hafnar and Atmah are free. The DB gets the option to either give him some closure or let him die without it.

Savos dies.

Just as the hall begins to fill with students and teachers, time freezes and Quaranir appears again, voicing his disappointment at the eye being misused, but also relief to see it put back into "sleep mode". In this state, it can be moved safely to Artaeum. Quaranir recovers the eye and time continues. The faculty are shocked by the events, there's chatter about the future of the college.

Eventually, Tolfdir speaks up and suggests a vote for the post of archmage, which the DB, having helped all teachers and apprentices as well as having ended the threat to the college, wins. Ancano approaches the DB, telling them in his usual "I'm-better-than-you" way that he's impressed the DB was able to save the college, and that he, at first, actually suspected they’d misuse the eye. As thalmor advisor to the college, he'll of course be at the new archmage's service, though if pressed with a speech check, it becomes apparent that Ancano isn't as sure about his position anymore and that he doesn't know how the order will react to the part he played in saving the college.

The end.

A common complaint is that Ancano is a villain without a motivation who only serves to hammer the point home that yes, the Thalmor are bad.

So I thought: what if Ancano's and Savos' places were switched?

That way you could have Ancano as a nuanced portrayal of a Thalmor helping the player to save his own hide and preventing a disaster that could've affected the Thalmor as well. Yes, the Thalmor actually want to unmake the world, but would a common agent know that too? That, frankly, seems like information for the higher ups only, especially since it's hard to come by even outside the games. Actually, not being forward with that would help them safe face with the Empire as well as the Bosmer and Khajiit. Also, why would Ancano even know that in the original game? Everything we know about him (being posted at the end of the world with nobody taking him seriously; him not appearing at the Embassy, when someone like Ondolemar does) suggests that he may not be as high up the command chain as he thinks he is.

Anyway, I think it would be ironic if Ancano ended up stopping the very thing his order wants to accomplish.

As for Savos, I think this way he would play a greater role in the narrative and actually have some connection to the Eye in a way that his death by it makes sense.

Savos' greatest flaw, in my opinion, is not apathy -that's the symptom- but a crippling fear of repeating his mistakes; the last time he was an active leader (excluding the prima guide here) 5 of his friends were killed because of him.

Now that the Eye of Magnus is found, a design Savos would probably recognize from the staff, I think he would enter panic mode as it all threatens to come out. He, before all others, would know it's linked to the staff, so he'd know where to start his research and could come to conclusions about the Eye's metaphysical nature in a way that's more believable than "Idk I just shot lightning at it". It also adds a layer of tragedy to Savos' backstory; by trying to undo his greatest mistake, he ends up killing his most loyal follower, Mirabelle Ervine, thus repeating the cycle.

It also solves the leadership problem in a less transparent way. I think it would also fit thematically with the other leaders. All of them have motivations, except Savos, his motivation is … well, what is it? Mercer wants to enrich himself while hiding his crimes, Astrid clings to her power, Kodlak wants to change his future, and now, Savos' motivation is changing his past.

#Elder Scrolls #Skyrim #College of Winterhold #Ancano #savos aren #Mirabelle Ervine #Tolfdir #J'Zargo #brelyna maryon #onmund #faralda

59 notes · View notes

ngame989 · 4 years

Text

SVTFOE: A Retrospective

Happy Mama Star Day!

OK, first and foremost, a quick update on TGG: I plan to have something ready for at least one of the major anniversaries coming up, and hopefully will resume slightly more regular updates from then forward. Thanks to everyone for your continued support, it’s been a rough year so far for me personally and for everyone in in the current pandemic situation. The anniversary of both STH and Mama Star seemed like a fitting time to get some things off my chest, both good and bad, so I’ll do that now and get it out of the way to focus on bigger and better things in the future. Fair warning, this is gonna be long and rambly and personal more than it is any sort of serious show analysis. If you’re looking for fun, feel-good celebration of what definitely were some of my favorite moments in the series, I’m not so sure this is gonna be the post for you.

It goes without saying that Star vs the Forces of Evil, for better or worse, is incredibly important to me and has been without fail for years. How are you supposed to feel when something that important lets you down so hard? Is having such strong, mixed emotions and attachment better than having nothing you care about at all? The past year hasn’t answered these questions for me, and this post certainly won’t either. There’s no thesis or likely any kind of closure here, just me baring a bit of my soul here on tumblr dot com.

It’s been a rough year or two for me. I don’t want to get too much into the specifics, but let’s just say I hit a crossroads where the entire path I’d envisioned for myself in life came into serious question, and I had been spiraling into depression and paralyzing anxiety over a complete lack of any fulfillment in my “professional” life for months before I even recognized it for what it was. Season 3 finished airing around the last few months of my undergraduate degree, which (while obviously it significantly emotionally impacted me) was a generally happy and stable time in my life. As things started to change and get worse for me, SVTFOE S4 was my ray of hope. I’m not kidding when I say that some days in the hiatus leading up to it, the thought of S4 delivering on its potential for emotional fulfillment and Starco goodness (consistently, not just at the end) was the only thing that got me out of bed in the morning and the only positive thing I could see in my future.

When we got the S4 we got, it shattered me, utterly and completely. This isn’t an attempt to dunk on S4 in some “objective” manner - hell, I even like a lot of the things about it that the fandom despises (the ending prioritizing character closure over lore, the upheaval of the political structure rather than just having Star become the Goodest Queen, etc). I’d still make the argument that a lot of the character development was very flimsy and poorly paced, a very clear effort to force the relationship resolution to be delayed until the end at all costs, but that’s not the point here. Life felt dull and lonely and warm fluffy Starco was my vicarious escape from that, and the season we got left me so completely hollow insid that it felt like I couldn’t breathe for its first more-than-a-dozen episodes, and I was so burnt out that I couldn’t even properly enjoy the parts that were genuinely good.

Even earlyish on, I was already fearing that things wouldn’t be resolved till the end and that there’d be almost none of the content I actually longed for from the show. As I’ve mentioned before, The Greatest Gift was born the morning after Lake House Fever’s late night release, out of salt and spite and a need to give myself something good to look forward to, even if it would be something I’d be making myself. I completely removed myself from even passing conversations with my best friends in the fandom because it hurt too much to even think about. I even had Seddm give me summaries of episodes before I watched them so I could take some time to emotionally prepare (at least until the 2nd to last week). And to the show’s credit, its last few weeks of episodes (with some exceptions) tried their absolute damnedest to right the ship (pun intended) and bring back the sorts of things I wanted with a vengeance. I was smiling like a complete fool for 12 hours straight after Here to Help. The ending didn’t fix my issues with the show, not by a fucking long shot, but it at least left me on a positive enough note that there was a feverish enthusiasm to continue it further on my own.

But it’s been tough. Have you or a family member/friend ever gotten bad food poisoning from a restaurant you really liked, and the smell of it makes you queasy afterwards even though you do really like it? That’s probably the best analogy I can draw to a lot of my relationship with SVTFOE since it ended. PLEASE NOTE I’M IN NO WAY TRYING TO EQUATE THE MAGNITUDE OF MY IRE WITH A CARTOON WITH SERIOUS DISORDERS THAT PEOPLE SUFFER FROM, but I’d almost be tempted to liken it to PTSD. Seeing reminders of the painful parts can put me in a bad mood for hours, and on some days even just dwelling on the show in any way will invite creeping negativity and “why the fuck couldn’t it have just-” types of thoughts taking over. There have been some days writing TGG where having to draw inspiration from or reference events/dialogues in S4 was so emotionally taxing that I had to stop writing for the night. I blocked Seddm’s entire askbox tag because I’d find my own emotions frothing into a rage over things in the show people would bring up. I’ve lost acquaintances and potential friendships over my bitterness. I instantly block anyone who posts even a hint of Tomstar/Kellco content in the Starco tags on any site because it induces such palpable negativity in my heart - I think I’m up to 1000 accounts blocked on Instagram right now, which is why Toxic runs the TGG page over there. If you’re one of the people out there that tried to strike up a conversation with me over a shared interest in the show and I vomited bile into your DMs, I sincerely apologize. And to anyone who got wrapped up in the brazen high hopes I put forth here every day as S4 approached and came crashing down with me as a result, I’m sorry for that too.

And yet... I can’t say there’s not a genuine love I still have for a lot of it. I still have my little shrine of stickers and pictures that I’ll sometimes just get let myself get lost in. There was a recent postcanon fic started by someone who just caught up on the show that brought such a depth of warmth into my chest that I’m smiling like an idiot just now thinking about it. I haven’t watched even a clip (let alone a whole episode) that Star and Marco’s voices in my head feel distant and abstract, but when I’m writing chapters I can still get emotional imagining them saying and doing things out of their devotion to one another. I’ve made no secret that I (to put it very very very lightly) have a strong distaste for the vast majority of this fandom, and yet the joy of knowing I could make people’s days or lives brighter gives me a satisfaction I can’t put words to. Don’t get me wrong, writing quickly just isn’t my thing normally anyway - I’m not trying to suggest that the sole reason for TGG downtime is that I’m driving knives into my own heart and pouring my blood onto the page. Just that that’s part of it, and it takes its toll.

The last few months, although I have missed the joy of brewing up fluff ideas and seeing them come to life, have admittedly been a welcome reprieve just not having to think about this stuff so much. In the last few weeks I’ve finally been coming around to a bit of a better place where the good bubbles up without bringing as much of the bad with it. It will likely still wax and wane, and I can’t guarantee if or when TGG will fully finish. And this isn’t my entire life - I have MMOs and card games and all kinds of other hobbies that suck up lots of my time, so don’t worry about me just lying in bed sobbing over S4 for 12 hours a day. I don’t know if the day will ever come when I can truly be at peace with it all, but I don’t want to toss out the good with the bad. All I can ask is for your patience as my own journey evolves alongside my writing, until the day comes when perhaps this story can finally come to a close. Thanks for reading, and stay safe.

Ngame

#starco #tgg svtfoe #ngame

59 notes · View notes

stormguard798 · 4 years

Text

Jonnor: the storyline, the ending and my personal thoughts- a barely coherent rant.

To be frank, I heard about Lena and Stef Adams-Foster and Jonnor far before I even started watching the show. They had been touted as someone of the most influential lesbian and gay characters on television period, and eventually, I needed to see why for myself.

I could spend a whole other post espousing on what the creators did right with Stef and Lena, but that’s not what I’m here for. For most of Season 1, we’re introduced to Jude and Connor as friends, and honestly, we don’t get much of an inkling that they might end up being anything more than that until the very last episode. (Whilst I deem the Ouija board the cutest moment between the two of them - and yes, I believe that Connor did intentionally move that marker thing so that Jude would have closure with regards to his adoption - it felt like more of a friendship thing than anything else.)

And in Season 2, the awkward tension between the two on the ‘are we more than friends’ side of things, and while the whole parent forbidding it and literal instant teenage rebellion is pretty cut and dry, I feel the tension ended up being quite palpable and engaging, despite there not being very much of it. And I must say, I truly loved the last 2 episodes in handling both Jude and Connor’s coming out and getting together. (And let’s be perfectly blunt here, up until this point at least, Jude’s game is WAY stronger than everyone else’s.

But as we hit Season 3, I feel just a little bit disappointed - it’s as if the entirety of the honeymoon phase of the relationship happened completely off-camera. Whilst Jude’s entire turmoil with labels raises an important issue concerning the whole LGBTQIA+ community in general, I don’t feel like there was much showcasing of the relationship as a whole. (Side note here: please don’t ever out someone on their behalf. In my mind, that’s like Cardinal Sin No. 1) In a season filled with all the Callie/Brendan drama, the Mat and Mariana nonsense, and honestly whatever the hell Jesus is doing, is it too much to showcase a functioning relationship for once? It feels like the creators spent so long setting up for this relationship, only to show so little of it.

And now the breakup. Oh boy. I’ve never been in a relationship myself, but you’d think that after they’ve reached the ‘I love you’ stage in the relationship (which, given what they’ve already been through together, with Connor shoving Jude away and getting shot, is not that far-fetched to think about), they’d at least try a little…harder? I guess maybe with the sext Jude realises that he doesn’t actually view Connor in that way, or that he doesn’t want to think about things like that at this point, I’m not entirely sure. Either way, I don’t think that the 2 would be stubborn enough to not at least talk about how to make each other feel comfortable.

Or maybe they are: after all they did spend more than a year playing the blame game, avoiding each other instead of talking about they feel. Entirely to stereotype here: is this just a guy thing? Who the heck knows. Anyway, Jude feels sad that Connor doesn’t come down to San Diego to visit (weird that, it’s like he’s trying to avoid his sort-of homophobic, not accepting dad that he moved to get away from in the first place. Oh wait.) nor does he understand why Connor is immersing himself in all these activities in school (it sounds like he’s trying to ‘lay down some roots’ as Principal Sanchez said back in S1 and fit in within a completely new school as an out gay kid. Oh wait.). And Connor, the sweet, sweet child that he is, does nothing to defend himself or try and work things out. Just like that, a relationship that has been developing that had been developing for multiple season is broken up with the fanfare and drama of a dying mosquito.

Disclaimer here: I’ve stopped watching after the S3 finale at least for now based on just how upset I am with how the entire Jonnor relationship was handled as a whole. Maybe I should give a little more leeway to both Jude and Connor, for whom this is their first relationship, but considering how close they were, I’d expect them to try to at least fight for their friendship, if not their relationship. (Again, the sad lonely person in me has no idea if being friends with an ex makes any sense, but as Jude rightly pointed out, they were friends first.) What they’ve been through together is a lot to take on for anyone who’s still in middle school, and I find it incredibly strange that they wouldn’t even try to preserve anything of what they had. Maybe they decided that thisbeing the first relationship, they were bound to hit a lot of roadblocks, that it was incredibly unlikely they were going to find ‘the one’ on the very first try, but it’s not as if they don’t care deeply for each other. Cause they clearly do. As a third-culture kid, I find that whilst you do absolutely have to put in work to maintain a relationship, it’s definitely possible and worthwhile to do, but only if both parties are willing to put in the effort. Even in the very last episode, Jude is still questioning his sexuality, wondering that if he does like guys or if he only liked Connor, showing the depth of if not romantic then platonic feelings they have for each other. And having such a pathetic breakup doesn’t do the relationship as a whole any justice.

And while we’re at it, can we just address the shallowness of Connor’s character as a whole? Besides mainly being touted as Jude’s love interest, (because at least from what I recall, he always shows up in reference to Jude) the only other facet to his character is that he’s really scared of coming out to his homophobic dad. Though it’s not to say the story of being out to parents who aren’t always the most supportive is not an important storyline, it’s also one that gets used a lot. Connor is a student-athlete, who besides an avid interest in sports, shows immense interest in other activities that are typically seen as stereotypically male. (Not that there ever should be stereotypically male things, but eh. You catch my drift. I hope) I believe that the storyline of an out athlete trying to navigate the mire that is middle and high school sports would be incredibly fresh and engaging (especially considering Connor’s age and the working out of his identity), but I guess that not everyone feels that way? Either way, I feel a little bit robbed.

Now let’s have a brief discussion of what Jude actually represents. Simply put, he isn’t someone who is afraid to be themselves, to put on nail polish simply because he likes it, to start dating a guy simply because he likes him and be curious and thoughtful about working out who he is. Jude’s constant struggle of trying to work out how to organise his identity is something that I must imagine every LGBTQIA+ person has had in their lifetime, and ultimately his desire to not pretend to be someone that he’s not is something that we can all appreciate, such as his kissing of Taylor in the season finale to work out whom he’s attracted to. While I can guarantee that not a single person’s journey of self-discovery will be the same, the example of someone who is given the freedom to explore who they are and not be ashamed nor embarrassed about it is the shining hallmark of what everyone’s journeys should be like. And if it does end up with Jude being written as someone who’s bi or pan or just not straight in general, that’s a storyline that I can absolutely accept and respect.

As so amply demonstrated by Jude’s attempting to find online gay porn, the discussion of any kind of relationship or exploration of any sexuality or gender identity that isn’t a cis-straight one is completely undiscussed. I know at least for myself, that meant I experienced a lot of guilt and shame in trying to parse through who I was and whom I liked because the entire thing felt illicit. Like it was blatantly wrong. That because no one else talked about, I felt completely alone in the endeavour. And I must imagine that’s an experience that is certainly not unique to me. That is why I was so looking forward to a functional, relatable young gay couple, and I think my disappointment by how Jonnor panned out is perhaps seriously influencing how I’m viewing the whole breakup. (Cause seriously, the only other canon couple I could get behind is Coldray, which had negligible screen time - though that’s for another rant.) And judging from the general discourse on the internet, I think I’m not the only one who feels generally upset by how Jonnor ended. Either way, it’s not for me to decide, and I hear that Jude finds a new relationship in Season 4. Though I certainly don’t think that it’ll be nearly as wholesome and simple and just heart-warming as Jonnor was.

Ultimately, being the purveyor of fanfiction that I am, and given how generally dissatisfied I am with how the break-up went, I 100% plan on coming up with some canon-extension fanfic to explore what might happen if Connor and Jude did end up meeting again when they were older, when they’ve gone through a few more relationships to decide what they’re looking for and what a relationship should be like, and see what might happen then. Honestly, I have absolutely zero clue where it’s going to end up going. But I do think it’ll give me the kind of closure that I’m looking for, and that’s okay. And for those are satisfied with how Jonnor ended, and who are very happy with how Joah (I refuse to call it Nude XD) turn out, and Jude’s character as a whole turn out, I absolutely respect that. Cause ultimately these are all fictional characters, and they should be treated as such.

Happy pride everybody. May you too be able to be yourself.

#jonnor #pride #coming out

8 notes · View notes

scullysexual · 5 years

Text

For Mulder, a wealthy English-bred socialite who’s had everything given to him since birth, the Titanic is shipping him off to a prison, a life he no longer wishes for or wants. For Scully, an Irish stranger from the lower class, it offers a new life, a future she can truly envision in America. What if the universe put them on the same path to achieve those dreams at the cost of life?

Chapter One.

Chapter Two.

Chapter Three.

Chapter Four.

Chapter Five.

Chapter Six.

Chapter Seven.

- - -

A JEWEL BENEATH THE MOONLIGHT: CHAPTER EIGHT.

“What happened to her?” asks Scully. They sit at the table, a bowl of grapes shared between them, the sketchbook open and on the first page with the drawing of Mulder’s sister.

“She ran off,” Mulder answers. “One night is was in her bed and the next morning she was gone.” Mulder shrugs. “We think she just ran away and that was the last time I ever got to draw her.”

Scully looks down at the drawing. “It’s like a photograph,” she says. “Why did she run away? Was your home life really that bad?”

“No actually, it was fine.” That surprises her. Scully looks from the drawing to Mulder, disbelieving that the Mulder household could be ‘fine’ when children are running away because of it. “Really,” he says. “They weren’t as bad as they are now, they were even loving once, but then Samantha disappeared and Father grew cold, Mother grew withdrawn. All the happiness faded away.”

Sombre pools in Scully’s chest. “That’s sad,” she says and Mulder nods. She can see him trying to ignore that the event, and the outcome of the event, still affects him twelve years later. He doesn’t hide it very well.

She thinks of her own family and the necessity to stick together in order for everyone to survive. They didn’t have a choice whether they wanted to drift apart, they couldn’t.

Mulder shifts in his seat, frowns thinking. “They blamed me.” Scully listens. “They never outright said it but I know that they did. My parents were out that night and I was supposed to be looking after her. She disappeared under my watch.”

He doesn’t meet her eyes, and it occurs to Scully that he believes that, believes that he is the blame. Anger replaces the sombre, rage directed at his parents for making Mulder feel like it was all his fault, never denying or confirming this fact, feeling their child without closure.

“You were twelve, Mulder,” Scully says, shaking her head, barely believing that two grown adults could potentially blame a child. “How can they blame you?”

Mulder shrugs again. “It doesn’t matter anyway,” he says, brushing it off. He reaches for the book and closes it, hiding his sister and the secret away. “She’s gone and she’s not coming back.”

He gets up and moves towards the safe. Scully leans back, still furious at Mulder’s parents but saddened for Mulder himself, for his carrying this unnecessary guilt around, for believing that he is the cause of all the misery.

“Mulder…” she begins but the door rattles, interrupting her. They both spin to see the door handle move and keys sliding into the lock.

“Who is…?”

Mulder places a finger on his lips, shushing her as his eyes flick to the clock.

“Come on,” he whispers, motioning her to stand. The lock begins to turn as Scully hurries over to where Mulder stands by the adjoining door, a rush of adrenaline surging through her.

Just as their front door opens, Mulder pushes open the adjoining door, dragging Scully through it. She gets a glimpse of a man in a black dinner suit before she’s rushing through the other bedroom and out of his parent’s front door.

Losing themselves in the crowd of people, Scully turns back to see Krycek staring them down as he slowly strides towards them.

A rush of excitement powers through her. “You ready to run, Mulder?”

He gives her a bewildered look before she grabs his hand and sprints off down the corridor.

They weave through the labyrinth of corridors, skitter around the flow of people returning from dinner, Krycek only just behind them.

She’s never felt this excited in a long time, missing the childhood act of playing chase. It’s clear Krycek was sent to find Mulder and the consequences they will both suffer just at the notion of being together should worry her, but instead she finds herself exhilarated, free.

They run down the decks, anything to lose Krycek in the crowd, something tells them to stop running but they ignore them, comtinuing through doors and corridors Scully’s not a hundred percent sure they should be exploring.

They collide with service trolleys, Mulder almost knocks a steward down throwing himself around a corner. The man is unimpressed but Mulder and Scully can only laugh, apologising through bouts of fits before they’re disappearing through another door.

A wave of heat immediately hits her upon entering and Scully knows without a doubt that this is the boiler room and somewhere they should definitely not be.

They clamber down the ladder, the smoke and hot air clouding their vision. They almost pass through undetected, hidden by smoke billowing from the fires until a worker looks up and catches them. His shout of ‘hey’ alerts the other workers as all they begin shouting things at them. Scully feels Mulder’s grip on her hand tighten and, despite the warmth, they begin running through the area before anyone can stop what they’re doing and haul their asses out of there and report them for prohibited entry, Mulder shouting words of encouragement along the way and Scully only being able to laugh.

They reach another door and it’s dark initially, but as soon as the door is shut and they’ve both entered, lights begin to flicker on.

“The cargo hold,” she hears Mulder say.

She begins wandering through the gaps between the cars, marvelling at each one she passes. Each car has been shined and cared for, not a single scratch can be seen one any of them.

“Which is yours?” Scully asks, swirling around to look at Mulder.

He stalks forward, weaving in and out of the cars just as Scully had done. He stops before a black coloured one.

“This one.” Scully strays over. Once there, a smile passes over him as he opens the door and outstretches his hand to her. “My lady.”

Going along with his game, she takes his hand and climbs into the car. Inside, she pushes the visor down as Mulder climbs into the front and honks the horn, making Scully giggle.

“Where to, Miss?”

Leaning forward, Scully rests against her arms, looking up towards the roof of the hold. “To the stars.”

She looks down from the ceiling to see Mulder smiling at her. With a kiss beforehand, he climbs through the window, just about fitting through and falls against the back seat, pulling Scully with him.

Scully sighs, wrapping herself tighter around Mulder and leans her head against his chest.

Content once more, she says, “We could just stay down here. Nobody would ever find us.”

Mulder presses a kiss to the top of her head and snuggles against her. “They’d find us eventually.”

“It’s a big ship, it’ll take them the rest of the journey and by then we’d be long gone.”

She shuts her eyes, all the more ready to just fall asleep against him. She feels the scratch of his nails against her arm and it lulls her, soothes her, she could drift away right now.

“When this ship docks, I’m getting off with you, Scully.”

Scully opens her eyes in disbelief. She’d been joking originally but when she looks up she sees the sincerity in his eyes, the truth. He was getting off this ship with her.

“Mulder…” she starts.

He moves his hand from her arm to clasp with her own hand, entwining their fingers together.

“I don’t care what anyone says. I love you and I can’t go without you.”

The urge to laugh overcomes her. This whole thing is absurd and stupid and is in no way possible. She feels bad, however, when she looks up at him through her laughter to see his face fall, his dreams crushed.

“Mulder,” she moves away from and he folds in one himself, takes her action and laughing as even more rejection from her.

“It was stupid and I shouldn’t have said it,” he answers, beating himself up.

Scully shakes her head. “No, it’s just…we’ve known each other for three days.”

He smiles a little at that. Maybe he forgets as easily as she does that they only met just days ago even though, for some unexplainable reason, it doesn’t feel longer.

Mulder relaxes, now certified she is no longer rejecting, pulls her to him again.

“I’m right, though,” he says. “You’re the only one that I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

Scully lets those words sink in. She thinks to that first night, how broody and sad he’d looked sat upon the rail, a complete juxtaposition to how he’s been these past two days in her company. He’s laughed and been happy, done stupid things and broken into boiler rooms and cargo holds, risked his father’s wrath just to spend time with her.

She could mention Phoebe, about how she would take this knowledge but Phoebe is history, an already forgotten face in the millions she’s already saw in her life. Phoebe won’t bring Mulder happiness, but Scully will.

She answers with a heated kiss, turning and situating her knees onto either side of his thighs. Lets her tongue explore his mouth and permits his to do the same to hers, allowing the steady pace to grow urgent, get more flustered as they fight with pieces of clothing and strip them from each other’s bodies.

Once divest of clothes, Mulder trails his kisses downwards, focuses on each sensitive spot on his journey. Scully moans when she realises what he has in mind, feels the heat and moisture pool below.

They switch positions, Scully in the seat and Mulder on his knees in front of her. She forces her eyes to open, to look down and savour the sight before she feels Mulder’s tongue against her, feels the wonders he begins to do to her sensitive flesh.

Her moans fill the hold, reverberating around the room. She soon understand that Mulder is a quicker learner, quickly grasping onto knowing what makes her buck with pleasure, which action has her moaning louder.

When she’s had enough and just wants him inside, she yanks him gently by hair.

He does as she asks and climbs back up her body, landing with his lips against her once again. The taste of herself on his lips makes her feral, makes her need stronger as she pushes him down onto the velvet and climbs on top of him.

Way down below in the pit of the ship, they make love for the second time that day.

Their time in the hold is cut short. Muffled voices waft their way from the boiler. Krycek may have given up finding them himself but it didn’t stop him from sending others to do is dirty work.

Mulder and Scully scramble to put their clothes back on. She struggles with laces, haphazardly tying them as quickly and as best she can before they hop out of the car.

Their surroundings give them an advantage. Quietly, they scramble around the hold, keeping an eye on the direction of the touch beams and use the cars and other vehicles as means of cover.

Adrenaline kicks in once more as she giddily follows Mulder to the end of the room to the other exit. Once through, they run back up the ladder and decks. They burst their the door to the outside, startling some old woman who stands nearby. They pay no mind, breaking out into bouts of giggles as they allow their breaths to calm down.

Happy and carefree, the music drifting from inside the dining hall, she lets Mulder swirl her around and when the adrenaline of their night runs out and her skin begins to cool, Scully shivers. Mulder pulls her closer, wrapping himself around her to warm her up and Scully accepts. She’ll never get enough of being in his presence.

“You don’t need to worry about us only having known each other for three days,” Mulder says against her hair, recalling their conversation from earlier. “We’ve still got four more days to learn more.”

Scully pulls away, smiling. She moves to her tiptoes ready to kiss his beautiful face off before a ringing above them surprises them, a shout from atop of the tower.

“ICEBERG AHEAD!”

They barely have time to react before their side of the ship collides with a mountain of thick ice. The ship is slowed down considerably, the sound of metal scraping against ice making Scully cringe.

Mulder yanks Scully out of the way as the railing cuts through the thinner pieces of ice as they fall onto the deck.

Scully stands frozen in place, unbelieving of what she just saw. Passengers and Mulder rush to the side, trying to get a look at the possible damage done.

An icy feel runs through Scully that has nothing to do with the cold weather. Distantly, she hears Mulder call her over and on autopilot she goes, standing beside him.

“Do you think it’s done much damage?” he asks but Scully hardly acknowledges his voice. Her father once told her what happens when an iceberg hits a ship, how it rips through the metal like paper, creating tiny holes for water to seep into it.

“Scully?” Mulder asks again.

It doesn’t matter what level of damage has been done, water is already leaking into the ship.

She walks away, her eyes darting around the deck, landing on the lifeboats she can see decorating the area. Twenty lifeboats, she’d overheard earlier. Twenty. She feels sick.

“Scully, you’re scaring me…”

Scully spins, suddenly in override mode, a gush of emotions ranging from wanting to laugh to wanting to cry.

“There’s only twenty lifeboats. Each lifeboat can fit sixty to seventy people on it at a push. There’s, what? Three thousand or so people on board?” She does the math in her head, a series of numbers and estimations flying around. “one thousand, one hundred, and fifty people so people can fit on the boats.” She angry now, angry at their stupidity, angry that she’s the only one who can see what’s happening here. “One thousand, one hundred, and fifty people, Mulder,” she repeats, homing that number into him. “Out of three thousands. More than half are going to die.”

She watches as he processes this information, almost disbelieving what she’s saying.

“No,” he refuses. “They said she couldn’t sink.”

Something within Scully snaps.

“She’s a heap of metal, Mulder, of course she can fucking sink!” she shouts. The people around them stare at them, the kids kicking around the ice debris stop as they begin muttering to each other. Scully ignores them, ready to go off, wondering how people can be so stupid.

“What did you think they did? Cast a bastard spell to warn off that thing?” She carelessly motions to the iceberg taunting them from the distance.

“No, I just thought…” he begins but the words die on his tongue.

Scully tries to calm down. To relax and be level-headed about this.

“I need to tell my family, Scully. They need to know.”

“They probably already do,” Scully says, calmer now.

“They won’t know about the lifeboats. You need to tell them.”

Scully nods. They make their way back to the door, heading back down to the first class accommodation.

#txf #titanic au #i write

45 notes · View notes

danyka-fendyr · 5 years

Text

Remind Me: Part 10

Alright everyone. This it. This is the final call. The finale. The Last of the Mohicans. ...wait wrong franchise NEVER MIND. Anyway, the point is, this is the end of an era. Remind Me is finally coming to a close. I would like to say the biggest thank you to @dreamwritesimagines, for letting me write this based off her wonderful story Once a Year, inspiring me and always being so, so kind. I honestly would have never, EVER had the nerve to start writing fanfic if she hadn’t told me I could do it. I’m constantly astounded by how kind she is to everyone, and I can only hope to be that amazing when we’re both famous writers with tons of awards. I’d also like to give a huge shoutout to @rhabakoli for being freaking awesome and also being the first person to actually request that I add her to my taglist (Dream just go stuck on there whether she wanted to be or not. Fortuitously, she wanted to be.) Finally, I want to thank everyone who has ever read any part of this series. I am so grateful to all of you for being invested, and I love seeing you guys in the notes. It’s always crazy to me to see that you guys like what I’m making. Thank you so much for going on this journey with me! Well, I suppose the only thing left to say is...Any resemblance to characters real or fictional is absolutely not coincidental.

(Trigger warning: This chapter is SUPER, SUPER violent and dark, so if you’re not into that you might want to just skip down to the epilogue.)

Taglist: @dreamwritesimagines @rhabakoli @binbons-is-theloml

Wordcount: it better be 5k baby if I don’t make it to 5k I’m not even bothering to come back and change this I will be a DISAPPOINTMENT 4245 at least we’re kind of sort of in the general neighborhood? I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME I TRIED OKAY

Chapter 10: “There is not always a good guy. Nor is there always a bad one. Most people are somewhere in between.” ― Patrick Ness, A Monster Calls

You had hardly seen Billy for months. He was no longer living with you. Now that you had your memories back, it was far too dangerous. Sometimes you were able to steal moments together in one of Billy’s safehouses, but those were few and far between. And what was Billy doing in all this time you had been apart?

Well, he had been making business deals. Or, as he put it, “I’m taking all this energy from my pent up sexual frustration and turning it into aggression.” No one said no to Billy. Especially not when he really wanted something. You had to admit, it was kind of hot.

Wow, all this time apart really had been getting to you.

But all of that was about to end tonight.

You were wearing a dress. The same dress you had been wearing that night. Bill had said that was a little morbid, made more so by the fact that you had even kept the dress, but that was how you wanted it. You wanted to be dark and haunting. You wanted to give him a thousand nightmares in the moments before he died. You wanted the vision of you to follow him screaming down into hell.

You breathed deep. You should have felt panicked, but instead, there was a calm settled down over you like a blanket. You had seen the same calm settle over Billy before sometimes. Right before he killed someone.

There was a knife strapped to each thigh under your dress, but no one would have known to look at you. Your hair was in the same intricate style you had worn, your makeup the same. You had been a different girl then. You were a different girl now too, and no matter how you dressed up, you couldn’t hide that.

You knew it was in everything you did. The way you walked, the click of your heels, the flick of your wrist. There was something deadly and wicked about you. You were lovely and terrifying all at once.

You left your room, heading downstairs to the lobby of your apartment. You looked normal enough. No reason for anyone to glance twice, except the man waiting near the doors.

Billy smiled at you, but it wasn’t his usual smile. You had thought he would have that calm over him, but instead he looked worried. He looked the way you should. His hands were buried deep down into his pockets, but he pulled them out to embrace you, pulling you close so he could whisper in your ear.

“Let’s go. He’s waiting.”

Innocent enough, but even now it felt as though they couldn’t take chances. You followed him out of the car, letting him drive for once. You owed him at least some peace during the car ride, after everything he had done for you.

The ride was long, and you spent it thinking of ways to get your revenge. You were no expert in this, but you couldn’t imagine it was really that hard to cause someone pain. Torturers liked to brag that what they did was an art in the movies, but those were just the movies. You were sure it would work out in the end.

When you got there, Billy stopped the car but didn’t get out. He didn’t unlock the doors either, keeping you trapped in there with him.

“Skittles.”

His voice sounds a little distant. You have already started shaking, but you are not sure if it is in dread or anticipation. Was there even a difference? Did it matter?

“Yes?” You look at him, and he reaches across the center console to stroke his thumb over the arch of your cheekbone.

“Are you sure you want to do this? I could take care of him right now, you know. You would never have to see his face again.”

You shook your head.

“I can’t do that Billy. You know I can’t. I have to...I have to do this. It has to be me. I need the closure. I need...I need to feel like I’m in control again. I need this Billy.”

He sighs.

“I know, but that’s what scares me. That you need this. I’m not judging,” he said, raising his hands defensively. “But take it from me. This is something you can’t take back. It’s not a game, Skittles.”

“You think I don’t know that?” You interrupt.

“Let me finish. You can’t undo this. Once you do this, it stays with you forever. You think it will make the nightmares go away. Maybe it will. But there will be new ones to replace the old. So I need to know. Are you sure?”

You don’t waver for a second. “I’m sure.”

He nods, leaning forward to kiss your forehead.

“Then the second thing I need to make sure you understand is this.” He reaches out, taking your hand in his own and placing it over his heart, holding it there. “For every new nightmare that comes, I will be there. I won’t let anything hurt you. Anyone who wants to get to you will have to do it over my cold dead body.”

Your voice cracks a little when you speak. “Billy Russo, I love you, and if you don’t shut up I’m going to make my first kill crying like a little baby. So are we doing this or not?”

He chuckles, shaking his head at you before getting out of the car and coming around to open your door.

“Ladies first,” he says, ushering you into the warehouse.

He is there. He is there, and you cannot help but stop dead for a moment. This is it. This is the moment you’ve been counting down the seconds to.

Aldrich looks mostly unconscious, but you can tell he’s half-awake. His head droops against his chest, and it looks like Billy had his fun before you got here. There is blood. Lots of it, everywhere. You are surprised the blood loss didn’t kill him. Where there is no blood, there are bruises. Billy was brutal, and you should be afraid, but you never could be. You had always run towards things that were dangerous.

Even as a child, they had warned you against Billy. Everyone could see it in him. That darkness lurking behind the boy’s eyes. They tried to keep you away from it. No one could ever understand why you were so drawn to him. Sometimes, foolishly, they tried to say that opposites attract, but you knew the truth. The truth was, like calls to like, and that monster that lay curled up, dormant inside of Billy? It was roaring inside of you.

But Billy had always been better at managing his demons. He always knew people didn’t expect much from him. He wasn’t bound by a golden boy reputation. You remembered one of the first times you had seen him show that darkness.

“Billy,” You called, heading out into the yard.

Mrs. Wilkins had sent you out to bring him back in. She pretended she was just busy, but even this young you knew that it was just because you were the only one Billy would listen to the first time. For all their discouragement of your friendship, they sure liked to use it to their advantage when it was convenient.

Billy looked up from where he was kneeling in the dirt. His jeans were stained, and you knew he was going to get in trouble for that. You weren’t all that concerned with the jeans when you peeked at what he was doing though.

“What is that?” You crinkled your nose.

“A slug,” Billy said, as though it were obvious.

“Well it doesn’t look like one.”

You were sure you were turning a little green around the gills staring at the melted puddle in the grass. He stabbed the stick he was holding into it again.

“Its been salted. The salt makes them melt, see. But they don’t full melt. That would take more salt than I was able to bring out here without stealing the salt shaker. So I’m poking holes in him and watching the guts ooze out,” he explained casually.

You nodded, dropping down to your knees beside him to get a closer look. You had to admit there was a certain dark fascination to the death throes of the slug. You were just reaching for your own stick when Mrs. Wilkins came out.

“Billy! What are you doing?” She frowned disapprovingly, immediately pulling you up and away from him. “We’ve talked about this. You need to be a better influence and stop scaring the younger children.”

“Skittles wasn’t scared,” he protested. “Were you, Skits?”

You shook your head when prompted. “No, I-”

“You don’t have to lie for him, sweetheart. No dessert tonight, Billy. Heavens above, look at those jeans!”

You snuck Billy dessert off your plate later. In return, he showed you how to kill a slug.

Aldrich broke your revery.

“I suppose,” he rasped, “you should have thanked me. It seems you’re attracted to violent men.”

You grit your teeth, unsheathing one of the knives at your thigh.

“I would say you should shut up, but I’ll be honest. Nothing you could say or do would make this better for you. But I suppose you know that now, hmm?”

“Your boyfriend made that abundantly clear.”

“He didn’t make things half as clear as I will.” You grinned, feral.

Aldrich looked up at you, one eye nearly swollen shut, and laughed. He actually laughed.

“You know, that was why I chose you? I could have picked any of them. But I knew...I knew you wouldn’t be able to take it. It would break something in you. Break it loose. All that bad girl dressed up in angel feathers...I wanted to undress you, so to speak.”

Billy hits him. Hits him so hard you hear something crack, echoing through the dank storeroom. It startles you, but you try not to show that.

“Don’t you say one more word to her,” he hisses.

Aldrich groans, and Billy looks like he wants to hit him again, but you stop him.

“Billy.” You raise a hand. “Let me.”

You stepped forward, tilting Aldrich’s face up with your knife, the tip cutting into his chin.

“Do you know something, Aldrich? You may be a bad man, but you’re not a stupid one. You were right. There was something very nasty in me. But you know something? I don’t have any more nasty left inside me. And you know why that is?”

You smile, tilting his head up just a little bit further so that he’s looking right into your eyes. Then you let it drop, let his chin slam into your chest at the same moment that your knife moves. It arches through the air, shining silver, then slams down into his thigh. Aldrich screams, but you just keep smiling. When he finishes, you wait a moment to speak.

“It’s because, Aldrich, I let it all out.”

“They’ll,” he hissed, “they’ll come for you.”

“Oh? Will they? And who are they, exactly? I have bad news for you, Aldrich. Powerful men are rarely well-loved men. Nobody is coming for you. Nobody will miss you. Nobody loves you.”

He tries to say something, but you don’t bother to listen before you pull your knife out of his thigh and plunge it into his left hand.

“You might want to put some ice on that leg. It looks like it hurts. Might even bruise.” You giggle.

Aldrich lets out a string of swears which you largely ignore.

“This is a little thing I like to call Karma. I don’t mean the cosmic force,” You clarify. “I don’t really believe in that. I just named the knife Karma because I thought that would be a great line. Don’t you agree?”

You don’t give him time to answer before the other knife makes an appearance, landing in his other thigh while the first one lands in his opposite hand. His voice is so hoarse on the scream that it’s almost not audible, but his pain is very, very loud.

“You know what I should say? I should say that this isn’t as satisfying as I thought it would be. I should go on a long monologue about how I thought this would give me closure, but really I just feel more lost now than ever. I should get all teary-eyed and say that I don’t know who I am anymore, that I’ve turned into someone unrecognizable, but honestly? That’s only partly true. I have turned into someone unrecognizable. But I have never felt more found in my life. Surprise!” You pulled the second knife out of him. “It’s the real me! And she’s actually a horrible person. Oh well.”

You shrugged, giving the knife a little twirl.

“Do you know what I named this one?” You cock your head at him, not really expecting an answer. “Revenge.”

You stab him right in the crotch, and he finds his voice again for that one. The screams probably aren’t supposed to make you feel so satisfied, but they do, right until they finally die off. He screams a long time for this one.

“Oh well. I suppose you’re starting to get bored of me, aren’t you? I do have a tendency to talk too much. Someone said that to me once. You know, now that I think of it, I’m pretty sure that was you!” You pretend that you are surprised as you step back to survey your work.

He will bleed out soon anyway. He is barely clinging on to consciousness. Billy had taught you just enough that you knew where to hit and how often in order to keep him awake, but you didn’t have much longer. You didn’t need any longer though.

“‘Well, it was fun while it lasted. Wouldn’t want to get caught though, now would we sweetheart.’ I guess I’ll do you a favor. Just to be clear though, I’m only doing this to make sure you understand. Even after all of this, I still somehow managed to be a better person than you. Funny how that works, isn’t it?”

You pull Karma out of his hand. He doesn’t get the opportunity to scream this time though. You stick the knife right through his throat, and you watch as his eyes go dead. It’s over.

The sound of blood dripping echoes through the warehouse, and then Billy’s voice breaks the silence.

“Is it wrong that I thought that was a little hot? Gosh, I’m going to hell.”

You laugh.

Epilogue

You take a deep, shaky breath. Your hands smooth down over your skirt, sweat-slick against the white silk.

The dress is beautiful. Everything you could have possibly hoped for. It hugged you down past your hips, hitting mid-thigh before flaring out. It didn’t have much of a train, and you had decided to forego a veil. You are so nervous you probably would have just ended up puking on a veil if you had one.

“Everything is going to be fine,” Karen says.

The strawberry blonde smiles at you soothingly. Your mother, blissfully, is not here. Something about this only being your first marriage.

“What if I trip though, Karen? What if I forget my vows? Or, or what if I do that customer service thing where I trip over my script and mess up my vows and accidentally say something horrible? You know I did that once? I once told a customer ‘What can I do to you,’ instead of ‘What can I do for you?’ Oh gosh. Oh gosh.”

Karen puts her hands on her shoulders. “I will slap you if I have to. You need to pull it together.”

You nod, closing your eyes. She’s right. Of course, she’s right. And she probably should slap you. It might wake you up a little.

“He’s going to love you. You could walk down the aisle in your underwear with a crossbow strapped to your back and he would still love you. Would still marry you.”

You look up at her. “Do you really think so?”

“I really do. Besides, if he leaves you at the altar Frank will hunt him down and drag his carcass back to you.”

You laughed despite yourself, before hearing the first notes of music starting.

“It’s showtime.” Karen gives you a reassuring smile, but it does nothing to ease your nerves.

Frank is waiting for you at the doors. You father couldn’t be here today naturally, off on some business trip. Frank had been more than happy to volunteer, having become good friends with you. He said you were practically family anyway, so he might as well step in and be the man of the house.

“You’re going to be great,” he reassured you. “Everything will be fine. And just know that he is exactly as nervous as you are.”

“As nervous as you were when you married Karen?”

“I’m not sure it’s humanly possible for anyone else to reach those levels of nervousness, but yeah, sure. He’s that nervous.”

You giggled, but it ended abruptly when your song started.

“This is it,” you whispered.

“This is it.”

You take one last deep breath before going through those doors, Frank right by your side.

Every step down the aisle feels like a thousand. Your feet feel heavy, and for a moment you are paranoid that they must be dragging. Your eyes don’t know where to look, darting left and right and taking in the judgemental crowd that makes up your extended adopted family who are probably just here to garner favor with your parents, and his half of the room. Him, you realize, you should look at him.

So you do. You look up, and you feel anchored, This is it. This is the man you want to spend forever with. You smile as you finally reach the end of the aisle and he takes your hand. The love of your life. Carter Killian.

“Baby, wake up.” Billy’s voice pulls you out of sleep, and you jerk awake.

“Hmmm?”

“You were having another dream. A nightmare?” His fingers trail down the bare skin of your arm.

“Yeah. Not as bad as they usually are though.” You turn, fitting yourself further into his embrace.

Your head rests on his arm underneath you, his other wrapped around your waist. The sheets are crumpled up, probably from you thrashing around in your sleep. You were not a peaceful dreamer, but neither was Billy.

“Tell me about it.”

You snorted. “You don’t want to know.”

“Of course I do. I want to know everything about you.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Alright, fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. I was marrying Carter.”

Immediately Billy’s face shifts from shock to anger, teeth gritted together.

“I am going to find that good for nothing-”

“Bill, I think we’re a bit past that now. It’s been...how many years?”

“It’s never too late to kill a Killian.”

You shush him even as you laugh. “Careful! The kids will hear you.”

“The kids,” he says, kissing you, “are still sound asleep.”

You grin. “3...2...”

“Mom!” There it was.

“I have a very important little person to go look after,” You said. “However, before I go, two things. One, I called it a nightmare for a reason. I can’t imagine ever marrying Carter. Gross. Besides, I’m taken, and the absolutely gorgeous ring on my finger shows it. Two, you jinxed us, so you have to make breakfast.”

“Skittles!” Billy whines, half because you are crawling out of bed and half because he doesn’t want to make breakfast.

“Next time maybe don’t be so confident about the kids,” You said, tieing on your bathrobe.

“Mommy!”

“Coming, Kit-Kat!” You call.

You head down the hall to your 5-year-old daughter's room. She is standing in the doorway, clutching a stuffed lamb in her tiny little fists.

“What is it, angel?” You ask her.

“Bad dream.”

“Oh, it’s alright, sweetie. Mommy has bad dreams sometimes too. Do you want to tell me about it?”

“It was Halloween, but the monsters were all real!”

“Oh dear. That does sound awfully scary. You know what always makes me feel better after a bad dream?”

“What?”

“Pancakes! Daddy is making some down in the kitchen. Why don’t you go down and tell him all about your dream while I get Cooper.”

“I can get Cooper, Mommy! I want to carry him!”

At 5, Katherine was not quite old enough or big enough to be carrying the 2-year-old to the kitchen.

“But how will Lambie get there without you to carry him?” You ask her.

She thinks for a moment, frowning, and you step in.

“See? It would be a shame if Lamby had to miss pancakes. So why don’t you two head down and you can carry Cooper another day.”

She sighed, disappointed. “Okay, Mommy.”

You were hoping Cooper would be able to get some more sleep, but alas, that was not the case. He was already awake, staring up at you with wide brown eyes just like Billy’s.

“Okay, little man. Time for breakfast.”

Eventually, you two make it to the kitchen, where Billy is indeed making pancakes while Katherine chatters on, her baby voice not quite gone and making her r’s sound more like w’s. You would be so sad when the last dregs of that faded away. Your little girl was starting to grow up.

Billy smiles, pulling you in for a kiss after you set Cooper down in his chair.

“Hungry?”

“Starving.”

“Good, because Kit-Kat and I are making enough pancakes to feed a small army.”

“No, Daddy! I want to make enough for a big army.” She holds her arms out wide to demonstrate the size of the army.

Billy laughs. “All the armies in the world for you, kiddo. But before that, breakfast.”

He serves breakfast, and you all eat and laugh. Billy tells Katherine silly stories while you help Cooper eat his breakfast with minimal mess. He doesn’t get syrup, but Katherine does, and somehow manages to get it a little..well, everywhere.

You end up having to take her back to her room so she can change her shirt, and at her request, you braid her hair. When you are done, you take Katherine down to the bus while Billy puts Cooper in his playpen. Katherine’s just started going to Kindergarten, but Billy wanted her to go to some fancy private one, and with the distance, it’s just more practical to have her bussed. You send her off with all the love in the world before heading back inside.

Billy wraps his arms around you, and you rest your head on his chest. “You know you’re being the stereotypical rich Dad, right?”

“I do know. Largely because you say that every time our daughter goes to school.”

“I just think you need the reminder that she is literally only learning colors and shapes.”

“But,” Billy says, “the early years are critical.”

“Mmmhhmmm, sure,” you say.

“Hey, Skits?”

“Yeah?”

“What was your nightmare really about? Because I refuse to believe it was about that little d-”

“Baby!”

“Really?”

“The early years are critical.”

“Did you really dream about him.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you kiss him?”

You snorted. “Yeah. It got real steamy right before you woke me up.”

You pull back to see that he is pouting. Fully pouting, like the big baby he is.

“Actually, I had cold feet the whole time. Probably because I was pretty sure that he definitely wasn’t hot enough to be my real husband. I’m more into the rugged type, you know?”

Billy grins. “Is that so?”

“It most certainly is. I like it when you look at a guy and you’re not sure how many men he may or may not have killed.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Very sexy.”

“Much sexier than Carson. Right?”

“You know what I would rather do than fight about this?”

“Hmm?”

You pull back a little bit to look at him, the mischevious twinkle in your eyes letting him know exactly what you would rather do. Cooper has other plans though, as he bursts into tears. You swear you hear Billy mumble something that sounds suspiciously like it ends in “blocker” under his breath as you go to pick your little boy up.

“Oh, hush,” You tell Billy.

“I am sexier than him though, right?”

“Are we still on that?”

“Well since I’m not on you, the answer is going to have to be a solid ‘yes.’“

“Yes, Billy. You are infinitely sexier than Carter. In fact, you are so sexy, that if it were a choice between you or Ben Barnes-”

“Ben who?”

“British actor dude. He’s real cute.”

“Wait, you have a celebrity crush?”

“Of course I do. Every girl does, and if they say they don’t they’re lying.”

“I’ve never heard of him, but I’m sure he’s not as good looking as me.”

“Maybe.” You smirk.

“I don’t know why I put up with you.”

“You wouldn’t trade this for the world,” You point out, patting Cooper’s back.

Billy softens, his chocolate eyes melting.

“No, no I wouldn’t. Everyone but us.”

Us had expanded to 4 people, but the phrase still held true.

“Everyone but us. Forever.”

#dreamwritesimagines #once a year #once a year fic #remind me #remind me fic #punisher #jigsaw #billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo series #kastle

35 notes · View notes