#anyway i think they would be down for rand and mat to kiss and i think they should be allowed to

[markantonys]

Let Rand And Mat Kiss 2k23 feat. the Josha And Dónal MLM Character Cinematic Universe

Caged (short film, 2013) Angel (short film, 2018) Gewoon Vrienden (2018) SAS: Rogue Heroes (2022)

[butterflydm]

WoT reread: pre-Sanderson books

spoilers through knife of dreams

I deliberately took a break in between the Jordan books and the Sanderson ones, mostly so that I won’t be ‘grading on a curve’, basically, and will be able to judge Sanderson’s characterization on its own terms rather than just being relieved that I no longer have to read CoT/KoD Mat & Perrin. I would honestly have preferred Mat standing in a field picking his nose for two books rather than the character assassination that we got in CoT/KoD, so my bar for the male characters was VERY low going into the Sanderson books, back when they first came out.

Anyway, as I enter The Gathering Storm, I just want to note what everyone should be doing next, per their most recent PoVs in the previous main-story book, and also my general feelings on the characters as of where we ended in KoD:

Rand: desperately trying to make a truce with the Seanchan, even if he has to return women to slavery to do it. Other than that, he’s basically been refusing to do anything plot-related for the last two books, mostly just treading water instead (despite there being several plot-related things that he COULD have been doing). I’m frustrated with how Rand’s plotline has ground to a halt so that we can spend way too much time with Perrin and Mat’s pointless sidequests. Theory: Jordan couldn’t figure out how to get Rand to what happens in the ending, so he focused on Mat and Perrin in order to avoid thinking about Rand.

Egwene: she is currently captive in the White Tower and her next plot point was very clearly stated in KoD - she will be serving Elaida at her next dinner that evening. Her current plot is essentially the same as the plot she's had the last six books -- become undisputed Amyrlin Seat of a united White Tower. This is really one of those plotlines that’s good but, wow, really should have taken place over fewer books.

Elayne: she's won over the Houses and now just needs to be officially crowned and then buckle down to the work of getting Andor ready to help during the Last Battle. Proud of her, love her so much. Egwene and Elayne (and the prologues) were basically the only good parts of CoT & KoD for me. Rand & Nynaeve had one or maybe two good scenes each in that entire section.

Mat: in CoT & KoD, he lost almost every good quality that he had EXCEPT for his loyalty to Rand; instead of keeping his promises being about him (secretly) being a man of deep integrity, it has essentially become a weird fey thing where he apparently feels a compulsion to keep his word but puts it off for as long as possible first. He completely threw away all his character growth from the earlier books and considers slavers to be more worthwhile companions than Aes Sedai. Expects that the next time he will see his 'wife' is being faced off against her troops on the battlefield and is somewhat sad about this (because he's talked himself into liking her despite her being a genuinely awful person) but he's prepared to do it anyway. I am DEEPLY disappointed in Mat, for the most part. His characterization basically fell off a cliff in CoT. He does still have enough loyalty to Rand and enough intelligence that he didn't actually betray anything to Tuon during their time together -- he didn't tell her Rand was his friend (Talmanes did, sorta by accident) and he didn't tell her about his medallion (Setalle Anan did, in a very bizarre characterization reversal of her own where she went from vehemently anti-slavery in WH to kissing Tuon’s ass and giving up other people’s secrets to her. I will note that trying to ‘reason’ someone out of bigotry doesn’t require throwing your previous friends under the bus and betraying them! -- post-WH Setalle Anan is kinda Opposite Day to the Setalle Anan that we got to know in ACoS & WH, who thought of Mat as a loveable rapscallion and who hated slavery, as opposed to CoT/KoD Setalle Anan, who automatically sides with Tuon against Mat because they’re both women but is willing to have ~reasonable discussions~ with Tuon about the pros and cons of slavery and is also literally fetching and carrying for a slaver) -- but CoT!Mat is just straight-up an inferior character to pre-CoT!Mat. Jordan just... really trashed Mat in these two books and it feels like most of the reason that he did it was so that Tuon wouldn’t be required to experience any character growth because Mat just rolls over for her instead of challenging her (there is so much rolling over and not challenging Tuon in these two books. And the few people who DO challenge her are all people that she instinctively non-persons anyway, so it has no impact on her) and spends the majority of his page time attempting to appease her. And destroying a main character in order to prop up a minor character is such a poor narrative choice. Just... everything about how Mat was written in CoT & KoD has frustrated me so much. Poor writing choices that turned a favorite character into one of the worst in the series. IMO, the outriggers were the worst idea that Jordan ever had, because it led to him tanking a major plotline and major characters in his main story. Mat transforms from being a “good and great man” (to paraphrase Nestelle from WH) who risks himself to free slaves into being a selfish and weak-willed patsy for his slaver ‘wife’, who looks the other way when she reclaims ownership over all the slaves in her ‘rescue party’. Anyway, his next plan is to go north to Caemlyn to the Tower of Ghenjei to help Thom save Moiraine & then he was going to reunite with Rand, because he has a lot of Last Battle-related help that he can deliver to him (or maybe the other way around). 

Nynaeve: has not had a plot of her own in a while; the last time she had a plot that wasn't basically "help this man over here" was TPoD.

Perrin: finished his own soul (& woman) selling story in KoD; has been reunited with Faile (the only thing he cares about), so should FINALLY be heading back to Rand, one way or the other. I am disappointed in Perrin, but that's nothing new. He did sink to a new low in KoD, now officially being a slaver himself, having sold two hundred-ish women into slavery. So... there’s that.

For secondary/tertiary characters who we know about:

Aviendha: traveling with the Aiel in Arad Doman and 'catching up' on her Wise One training.

Galad: leading seven thousand Whitecloaks, having 'deserted' from the Seanchan forces and planning to work with Rand & the Aes Sedai to fight in the Last Battle.

Ituralde: working with the Dragonsworn to try to rid Tarabon of Seanchan and firm up Arad Doman as a bulwark against the Seanchan invasion.

Pevara & Co: in the Black Tower, having just made a deal with Taim to bond with Asha'man.

Tam: recently found out his son is the Dragon Reborn (not from Perrin)

Gawyn: still taking orders from Elaida, does not yet know Egwene is prisoner in the White Tower.

Lan Mandragoran: riding from the furthest west part of the Borderlands over to the furthest east part of the Borderlands, to fight against the Shadow.

Cadsuane: still hasn’t taught Rand ‘laughter and tears’, which is literally her only goal.

Loial: plans to talk to the Great Stump to try to convince the Ogier not to abandon the world right before the Last Battle.

Forsaken: Moridin has declared that no one is to hurt Rand but definitely please try to kill off Perrin and Mat; at least some of the Forsaken are all "lol nah I'm gonna try to kill Rand anyway".

Tuon the slaver overlord: being an asshole High Blood/Empress and in deep denial that, by her own beliefs, she should turn herself over to become a damane; her main goal is probably forcing Rand to kneel in front of her; general villain-type goals of invasion and enslavement of others, etc. It really is a shame that Jordan decided to yeet any potential for her character into the void. She was intriguing in Winter’s Heart. And then never again, lol.

Bashere: there was an assassination attempt on his wife back in the CoT prologue that made him agree to something that he’d been asked by “the man who spoke to me yesterday” and we haven’t really checked in with him since then.

Olver: in LoC, he was a war orphan who was a believable child who seemed like a genuinely interesting addition to Mat’s story. In ACoS, all he cared about were boobs. In WH, he barely even noticed that the Seanchan had invaded, because he still only cared about boobs. In CoT, he briefly acknowledges that the Seanchan are the bad guys hunting them but does not at all react to them similarly to how he reacted to the Aiel in LoC - he shows no signs of anger over Mat having been injured by the Seanchan invasion, despite anger towards the Aiel due to his parents dying in the Aiel invasion being a big thing for him in LoC. In KoD, he’s buddy-buddy with Head Slaver and once again obsessing over boobs (this time, leering at a slave’s boobs, which. you know. charming). The only book where I’ve been able to stand Olver was LoC tbh. He's been just a weird & exaggerated parody of Mat in every book past that.

Minor general spoilers below for some things I vaguely recall about the last three books (no spoilers about the ending):

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I’ve read the Origins book & glanced over Sanderson’s retrospective on writing the last three books, and he mentioned some specific bits that were already written by Jordan, so I will probably keep that in mind as I read. I’ve only read the Sanderson WoT books once, so I’ll be finding out now if the experience is different this time around. 

I do feel like some of the criticisms that I’ve seen of his writing are already very present in CoT & KoD, though, specifically:

Mat’s character being noticeably more sexist (honestly, all the male characters feel like they’ve gotten more sexist the last few books; Mat is just the most obvious example).

Mat feeling wildly out of character to who he’d previously been.  Wildly out of character. To who he’d been in Winter’s Heart. Which took place one week before Crossroads of Twilight picks his story up again, and suddenly Mat doesn’t give a shit about the Aes Sedai that he risked his own escape to help ONE WEEK AGO. He’s completely forgotten that his little sister (among other women he cares about, like Elayne, who he had an entire book about coming to terms with, and like Egwene and Nynaeve) is a channeler who Tuon would happily debase and destroy until she groveled at Tuon’s feet. Mat’s reactions to almost everything Tuon does are just such character assassination that I can’t even acknowledge CoT/KoD!Mat as the same character as EotW-WH!Mat. His reactions just seem... so bizarrely off from anything he would have done previously. It really does feel like Jordan parachuted in a pod!Mat from a parallel world. I LOVED EotW-WH!Mat. You couldn’t pay me to be in a room with CoT/KoD!Mat.

Nynaeve not having a storyline of her own or doing much of anything unrelated to the men in her life.

Sanderson didn’t fix any of those problems (from what I recall) and it would have been nice if he had, but he didn’t create them either.

Some other things that I personally dislike in the series as of KoD and that I am curious to see how Sanderson handles compared to Jordan:

Slavery being an Acceptable Evil, especially with Mat, in particular as of CoT/KoD, only caring about slavery when it threatens him personally and not giving a shit about other people anymore (and he cared a LOT in Winter’s Heart. The contrast between how deeply he cares about saving the Aes Sedai & Windfinders in WH vs treating the Aes Sedai like unwanted pests in CoT is incredibly jarring). But, in general, it feels like Jordan decided that the main PoV male characters aren’t going to care about slavery if the slaves are primarily women which is... such an ugly look. It feels like the Seanchan storyline went off the rails hard in CoT & KoD, and I don’t personally feel like “but the planned outriggers!!” is a valid excuse for destroying a main storyline and main characters so badly. Having ALL THREE of the main male PoV characters coming to the conclusion that other people being enslaved is the ~price they are willing to pay~ for what needs to be done is...  it’s very much that Lord Farquaad meme, yes? “Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.” Mat deciding that he needs to defend and protect the slaver overlord hurts other people, not Mat. Perrin selling two hundred women into slavery is hurting them, not Perrin; Rand sending the damane back into slavery... etc. They are not ‘making sacrifices for the greater good’, they are sacrificing other people. They are saying that these specific people (who are all women) are not worthy of being allowed to have free will and lives of their own. And that author putting that storyline in three different plotlines implies things that wouldn’t be implied if only one of the main guys was doing it. “Women’s freedom is negotiable” is basically the message in Rand, Perrin, and Mat’s storylines in CoT & KoD. “When we say we want to save the world, we don’t mean women.” And I did not get the feeling that was the original intention of the damane/Seanchan storyline! Which is why CoT & KoD rank so incredibly low on my ranking order. Because it feels like Jordan broke the narrative promises that he made about this storyline all the way through Winter’s Heart. I think Jordan exploring this idea (of his characters willing to sacrifice women’s freedom for the sake of saving the rest of the world) could have worked in a critique kind of way if it had only been in ONE of the plotlines while the other two plotlines were about things other than allying with the Seanchan. Mat’s character is the one that gets the most distorted by this plotline, so I would have tossed his out entirely. Perrin’s is mostly in character -- his entire plot here was that he would be willing to do anything for Faile, even vile and evil things -- but I think Jordan actively deciding to have him LIKE Tylee even as her people are carting off her new slaves in the background was a character-breaking choice. Rand’s plotline would genuinely be fine (because he’s the most reluctant of the three PoVs on allying with the slavers)... except that Min and Nynaeve should have mentioned the sul’dam secret. It’s wildly frustrating how useless they are in the Seanchan plotline when they literally know THE key secret about the military and economic might of the empire. Jordan had them suffer convenient amnesia so that he could do his ‘allying with the slavers’ plotline.

The domestic violence that is endemic in the majority of the male-female relationships in the series. In particular, I am curious to see if Sanderson ever has the female characters hauling off and straight-up punching their ‘love interests’ in the ribs the way that Jordan so frequently had them do. This is an issue that really started around A Crown of Swords and has gotten steadily worse (in The Shadow Rising, Faile punching Perrin is called out as a bad thing by Perrin and by the end of the book, neither of them are being violent with the other, but in ACoS and beyond, violence is just treated as the norm in romantic relationships). 

Related but adjacent, I am also curious to see if beating/spanking remains as large a fixture in the series as Jordan had made it in the last few books.

Women being politically/magically diminished in order to be in a relationship with non-political/non-magical men (ex. Morgase and Tallanvor; Siuan and Gareth; technically Juilin and Amathera but that feels like the most understandable of the examples).

Women being stuffed into Fates Worse Than Death while men just get to be killed off (and the Seanchan becoming a dumping ground for “out of control” women that Jordan didn’t want to kill off).

Min being a liability to Rand but the narrative keeps telling us she’s Best Girl, Just Trust Me.

Tuon being a genuinely cruel and malicious person, but Mat keeps telling us she’s Better Than Most Nobles, Just Trust Me.

Okay, I think that’s everything I wanted to note before I started my The Gathering Storm reread.

[damn-oh-dread]

Some, frankly ridiculous, over-analysis of 3 pages in chapter 15 of Fires of Heaven:

I honestly did not think there was going to be a scene specifically about Moiraine reacting to the idea Siuan could be dead. I kind of assumed it would be an implied conversation or something along the lines of Egwene going “Moiraine guess what,” with a response something like “I know.” So anyway, these whole 3 pages were really fun! Thank you, Robert Jordan, for doing this one thing for me. To celebrate the fact this exists I’ve decided to completely over-analyze it!

So, we enter Moiraine’s tent to find that she is still eavesdropping on Rand and probably everyone else while shes at it and I personally find it hilarious that Egwene is surprised she is still doing this. Girl, Moiraine has been eavesdropping on everyone ever since she learned how to channel, you think she would stop now? Because someone asked her not to? Moiraine never once told anyone she would stop eavesdropping actually. She just mentioned that they should “allow Rand some privacy” which does not specifically mean privacy from her. The way she speaks so much through implication and what she keeps unsaid is *chefs kiss* she is just so fascinating!!! And when she says “goals, which may not be those of the Tower” ??? I am hysterical. Because, on one level, yes she is correct. The Wise Ones do not have the same goals as the Tower but really what I think she means to say is that they don’t have the same goals as her and Siuan. Moiraine has spent only a handful of days at the white tower in 21 years, she is not around enough to really be apart of the white tower action. Moiraine is not working for the white tower. Like yes she is working with the Amyrlin but not because the Amyrlin seat is the number one authority, she is working with the Amyrlin because they're besties.

Brief interlude about Egwenes dreams:

Rand sitting down in a chair, and somehow she knew that the chair's owner would be murderously angry at having her chair taken; that the owner was a woman was as much as she could pick out

Me frantically writing down all the women rulers in Randland: So, Caemlyn? 👀

Every time he moved closer to Perrin it was as if a chill of doom shot through everything

(sidenote: is perrin just not in this book? Where is he? where are you girl?)

Mat throwing dice with blood streaming down his face, the wide brim of his hat pulled low so she could not see his wound

Okay the only thing I can think of that would bleed and also be covered by Mats hat would be if he got some injury on the top half of his face so like, sexy pirate look? Scar over the eye? I think mat could pull off an eye patch. Can not wait for Mat's sexy pirate era as he deserves! 🤩

Thom Merrilin put his hand into a fire to draw out the small blue stone that now dangled on Moiraine's forehead

You know, everything in this book so far is really making me think that RJ is gonna kill her off. Rip the mentor character, you guys are always my favourite. 😔 How would Thom get her kesiera though? He watches her die? She dies in a fire? He takes her kesiera from the fire and keeps it in hopes he will meet her in another life so he can figure out which Aes Sedai to kill to avenge his nephew? Sorry guys I literally have no ideas for this one. TLDR, Moiraine probably dies and Thom for some reason has feelings about that. I mean he is kinda horny for her in book 4 so I could see him being a little sad in a “oh no that girl I thought was sexy is dead, you win some you lose some I guess” kind of way. Which can not fault him, Moiraine is super hot. Have you guys SEEN Rosamund Pike???

ANYWAY MOVING ON

The fact there is an arrest warrant for Moiraine because she's helping the dragon reborn is hilarious to me for the reason that yes, she has indeed been helping the dragon reborn and that is a no-no but she has also been doing so many other illegal things. If Elaida, somehow, wasn't aware that Moiriane was also looking for the Dragon Reborn she still could have gotten Moiraine thrown in White Tower jail for so many other reasons. And Elaida decided to get her for treason? Bo-ring.

Just off the top of my head, a list of (what I assume would be counted as) crimes Moiraine has committed:

Knowing how to cast balefire

CASTING BALEFIRE

killing another Aes Sedai

being in cahoots with the Amyrlin

being married to the Amyrlin

Lowkey stealing a sa'angreal (yes I know that Siuan gave it to her but I think overall this is generally a thing that makes them both look very bad)

Just generally doing what she wants at all times

Elaida could have gotten her for SO MUCH.

Next point,

"Is that all you can say? I think Siuan was your friend once, Moiraine. Can't you shed a tear for her?"

Egwene, even if Moiraine was super upset about Siuan, why would she break down in front of you? It has already been proven many times that Moiraine can stay straight faced through some intense stuff. You are not one of the two people that Moiraine has ever been vulnerable for!!! So, sorry Egwene. Like what were you expecting bestie???

Secondly, Moiraine responding to Egwene with, “I have no time for tears,” is just peak characterization right there!!!!! Yes girl!!! I love how that one line both further establishes Moiraine’s frankly insane sense of duty but also implies that if she did have the time to let herself grieve she wouldn’t be able to keep going to complete her mission. At this point she is staying with the mission to honour Siuan and the history that they have together. To stop now would be to dishonour her and her legacy. If Moiraine ever stopped for a second to think about literally anything that has happened to her and the people she cares about since starting her quest searching for the dragon reborn it would be very difficult to keep going I think. Moiraine can not slow down!

“We were friends once.”

Hey babe, quit telling everyone I’m your ex-girlfriend because we got married. Okay jokes aside I do really like this line because I think it speaks a lot to the depth of their relationship. Moiraine is a character that leaves much more meaning unsaid so you really need to read between the lines with her. Here she says that in the past they used to be friends. And yeah, because they were. After almost 21 years of working together in this cause they are so much more than just friends though! They were working together in an environment where if either of them were even suspected of being in cahoots it would have spelled disaster for them both. And the stakes are even higher when Siuan is raised to the Amyrlin Seat. It could have been so easy for either of them, driven by paranoia or fear or jealousy etc, to betray the other to save themselves. And yet they never did! Even when it would have been safer to be apart and work separately and never speak again, they still work together and stay really good friends throughout it all! So like yes they were friends once, but time and a shared purpose have tempered their relationship into something much stronger than the early friendship and comradery they shared as novices.

There is a saying in Cairhien, though I have heard it as far away as Tarabon and Saldaea. 'Take what you want, and pay for it.' Siuan and I took the path we wanted, and we knew we would have to pay for it eventually."

Take what you want and pay for it, is such a banger saying. But yeah, Moiraine and Siuan decided 21 years ago that they wanted and more importantly felt they needed to be the ones to find the Dragon Reborn and now they are both paying for that choice. The price they payed just happened to be the highest amount they could have been charged. They both knew they could die on this mission and so Moiraine has no choice but to move on and not think about it ever. They really did take what they wanted and then paid for it.

Now is a good time to introduce my two theories on what is going on in Moiraine's mind at the moment of this conversation.

Theory A)

Moiraine knows that Siuan has just been stilled either from the creepy fae people or from her crazy Rhuidean adventure. So obviously Moiraine would be worried, but knowing that Siuan is still alive would decrease that worry a little bit. That's why when Egwene gives her the news about Siuan, since she already knows about Siuan's fate, it allows her to take it with a straight face cause shes already expecting it.

Theory B)

The more agonizing of the two theories for sure: Moiraine is just as in the dark as everyone else, and assumes that the worst has happened to Siuan. From there, she is just holding herself back an insane amount after this news like a crazy person. Maybe she takes it with a straight face and then is sad about it when Egwene is gone.

I’m leaning more towards Theory A because there is no way after seeing every future in Rhuidean she doesn’t know generally what Siuans fate is. And! This entire book she’s been super on edge. What more could put you on edge than knowing your bestie has been through it and you won’t be able to be there for them??? And in the conversation where she and Lan talk about worries and how Moiraine is so worried lately she thinks about Siuan. Coincidence? I think not. And if Moiraine really was in the dark I feel like she maybe would have flinched, or there would have been a tiny reaction, even if it happened to be one that is quickly gone. You can’t react to the news your friend might be dead without a tiny reaction unless she already knew and was ready for it.

Do you expect me to be happy that the White Tower has split apart?

No, because it makes your life harder since you won’t be immune to tower politics anymore.

I gave my life to the Tower long before I ever suspected the Dragon would be Reborn in my lifetime.

You literally weren't even Aes Sedai yet when you learned the Dragon was reborn. Chill out drama queen damodred.

I could almost wish that every sister had sworn to Elaida, whatever happened to Siuan."

Okay but almost wishing for something is different than wishing for something. I do understand where she is coming from though. It would be much easier to manipulate or stay away from the tower if it was acting as a single entity. Now that it is fractured this spells massive trouble for Moiraine, especially because she is already on Elaidas hit list. The fractured tower is a huge headache for her and makes her plans so much more complicated. BUT! She doesn’t actually wish that (as much as it would help her) because a) Elaida is a huge bitch, a fact which Moiraine knows about quite personally and b) Moiraine is probably absolutely livid towards Elaida right now for hurting someone that she cares about. (Reading about what happens to Siuan made me livid so I'm doing a bit of projecting here BUT I think it is a fair thing to assume) Therefore, she wishes for Elaida to have the worst time possible regardless for how much harder it makes her goals!

But you forget that only thirteen sisters linked can shield any man from saidin, and even if they do not know the trick of tying flows, fewer can hold that shield.

Yeah Egwene, you forget that Aes Sedai don’t need to be working together to fuck shit up.

I mean to deal with the world as I find the world, for as long as I can

Okay this is starting to turn more into Elizabeth reacts to 3 pages in chapter 15 but I just really like this quote a lot. This is just, so Moiraine. This is her as a character. Someone who deals with the world and keeps going until the very end.

"With luck," the Aes Sedai went on, "we will not have to worry about Lanfear."

OKAY WHAT IS HAPPENING TO LANFEAR?!?!?!? I know Moiraine has been ease dropping on Rand right? So she probably just assumes that Lanfear and Rand are working something out. Right? RIGHT? Plot twist: Moiraine has actually been planning an elaborate scheme to somehow take Lanfear out this whole time.

"They may be strong in many ways, but they are sadly lacking in others"

MOIRAINE YOUR HAUGHTINESS IS SHOWING ASDFJASDIEWFN

Even Nynaeve doesn't think it is right.

Nynaeve is so obsessed with Moiraine, I love it. Like, sorry to break it to you Nynaeve but in order to hate something you do need to care about it and what happens to it.

well, anyway

that is it. That is all my thoughts.

If you read this far, thanks for sticking around!

[insomnia-productions]

You Won’t See Me Fall Apart - a mat/rand drabble

Summary: 

Rand’s expression flickers, coldness warring with some other emotion Mat can’t place. He says, in a tone so lost and distant it seems as though he doesn’t even realize he is saying it, “I miss you.”

Mat feels himself take a step back, and forces himself to let go of the medallion. Not this time, he thinks fiercely. It will not happen again.

There can be nothing—there is nothing between him and Rand. Between him and the Dragon Reborn.

This fic can be read as the sequel to And I Will Stay Up Through The Night. 

Read on AO3. 

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Rand moves like a lion in a too-small cage. Mat watches with uneasy eyes as his childhood friend paces around the map, rattling off commands: go to Salidar, help Egwene, make peace with the Aes Sedai, bring Elayne back to Caemlyn. He flits from topic to topic, always moving, one hand gesturing wildly while the other strokes the hilt of his sword as though preparing for a fight. His voice is hard and cold in a way that seems at odds with Mat’s memories, and his eyes hold a fevered light. His face is like carved marble, and the hint of eagerness breaking through the seams only serves to put Mat’s teeth on edge.

“Thom Merrillin should be with Elayne,” he is saying now. For the first time since they entered the tent, he looks at Mat, and blinks slightly, as though only now realizing that he has been talking to another person all this time. He crosses the tent in an instant, and presses a letter into Mat’s hands. “Give this to him.” 

His eyes are already sliding away from Mat as he spins on his heel and strides towards the tent flap—and stops. “Aviendha,” he says softly. “Go with Nandera and Jalani. Help them prepare the men to Travel.”

Aviendha rises slowly. She says nothing, only casts a brief, lingering glance at Mat, and then slips out of the tent. Rand waits only until the tent flaps close before he begins pacing again, and Mat feels dizzy as his eyes track Rand’s erratic movements. The silence stretches between them, dense and uncomfortable—at least, it is uncomfortable for Mat. He isn’t sure what Rand is feeling, or if he is feeling anything at all. 

Mat turns the letter over in his hands. He rolls the corners inwards, then unfurls them and rolls them the other way. Rand’s footsteps are almost silent against the ground—they are the footsteps of a predator on the battlefield—and yet they are all Mat can hear. He puts the letter down and takes a deep breath, one hand tracing the outline of the medallion under his coat.

“Rand—”

“How are you?” Rand stops pacing, and the absolute lack of movement almost makes Mat wish he hadn’t. He is standing completely still, staring at Mat. Perhaps he had forgotten about Mat’s presence before; now, though, Mat feels frozen, as though trapped by Rand’s eyes alone. He grips the medallion harder. It won’t work against saidin.

He searches for words and comes up with: “What?”

“How are you? How have you been?”

“Um. I—I’ve been fine. Why—?”

“You haven’t run into any danger?”

“Nothing worse than usual.”

“No severe injuries?”

Mat blinks. “Some, but nothing I can’t handle. Rand, what—?”

“You have enough food? Supplies?”

“We send for fresh supplies every few days. But, Rand, I don’t underst—”

“You said you were hurt. What happened? Who treated you?” The questions are concerned, yet his voice is flat and cold, without emotion. Well, Mat supposed it’s the job of a king to ensure his general is in good health. The thought is bitter in his mind.

“It was nothing. I’m fit to make the trip from Salidar to Caemlyn, don’t worry.”

“Are you—”

“Rand!” He doesn’t mean to shout so abruptly, but it has the desired effect. Rand closes his mouth. Mat takes a slow, steadying breath and rakes a hand through his hair. He means to snap at Rand for the barrage of questions, but what comes out instead is: “Rand… what’s going on with you?”

Rand’s expression flickers, coldness warring with some other emotion Mat can’t place. He says, in a tone so lost and distant it seems as though he doesn’t even realize he is saying it, “I miss you.”

Mat feels himself take a step back, and forces himself to let go of the medallion. Not this time, he thinks fiercely. It will not happen again.

There can be nothing—there is nothing between him and Rand. Between him and the Dragon Reborn.

He opens his mouth to say as much, but before he can speak, Rand’s face twists into a scowl. “Shut up,” he hisses, eyes fixed on a point behind Mat’s shoulder. Or perhaps far beyond it.

“What? I haven’t said anything.”

Rand drags his eyes back to Mat. The scowl fades slightly, but his right hand grips the sword hilt, knuckles white. “Not you. I was talking to… to…”

In the next instant, Rand’s expression breaks. The coldness and the unidentifiable emotion alike shatter into exhaustion and fear, and when Mat blinks Rand is on his knees on the ground. How had Mat not noticed the dark rings beneath his eyes before? When Rand speaks, all traces of hardness are gone: his voice is soft and tremulous, and Mat has to strain to catch his words.

“Light, I think I am going mad.”

Mat’s fingers find the medallion again; he forces them down. It will do no good, anyway. That aside, he isn’t sure Rand is capable of harming anyone right now, except perhaps himself. The best thing to do would be to leave. He has an army to command, after all, and a mission to complete. Rand will pull himself together well within two hours, surely, and then Mat will be on his way to Salidar. Yes, the best thing to do now is leave and speak to the men. Just walk away. Yes.

It isn’t until he is kneeling in front of Rand that Mat realizes he has not done the best thing, and then it is too late to change course. Rand doesn’t look up from where his gaze is fixed on the ground, brow knitted so deeply that his eyes are almost closed.

Mat doesn’t know what instinct tells him to take Rand’s face in his hands, nor what compels him to rest his forehead against Rand’s—but he does. And, when Rand shudders and leans in to press their lips together, Mat lets him.

The kiss lasts only a moment. A sharp gasp sounds from the entrance of the tent, followed by the rustle of cloth and a soft thud, and Mat tears himself away from Rand. Light, how could he have forgotten about Olver?

The boy is lying on his stomach between the tent flaps, half of his torso still outside, staring up at him with wide eyes. Mat sighs to himself.

“Well, if you’re here, you might as well come in.”

Olver rises in silence, trembling so hard that his knees knock together. Mat stands, too, Rand following soon after. Olver’s gaze swings between Mat and Rand. Mat sighs again. Something tells him he will be doing a lot of that tonight.

“Olver, this is Rand. Yes, he’s the Dragon Reborn. Rand, this is Olver. He’s… a child. That I. Take care of.”

Rand blinks at that. Some of the pain is gone from his eyes, replaced by curiosity, and Mat doesn’t think about the way his heart feels lighter at that sight. They study each other for a long moment, Rand and Olver, and then Rand tilts his head slightly.

“Hello, Olver.”

Olver gapes at him, and then spins on Mat. His voice nears a shout as he cries, “YOU KISSED THE DRAGON REBORN!”

Heat floods Mat’s cheeks. Thoughts whip through his head, and the only one that sticks long enough for coherence is an indignant, “I did not. The Dragon Reborn kissed me.”

Light, no, wait. He can feel his blush darkening. Mat opens his mouth, casts around for something, anything to say to regain control of the situation—and Rand starts laughing. Mat’s mouth snaps shut and he stares with wide eyes as Rand near doubles over, the hands pressed to his mouth failing to contain peals of vibrant laughter. It seems years since Mat has heard that laugh. When he looks at Mat, the war of expression on his face has completely disappeared. Instead, he wears the smallest smile, warmth lighting his eyes.

“I really have missed you,” he says.

Once again, Mat feels trapped by his gaze—but this time finds he doesn’t quite mind it.

“Car’a’carn!” The call comes from outside and Rand’s smile fades. “Car’a’carn, we must go!”

Rand sighs. “There is something I still have to…” He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. It will take no more than an hour. I will return in two hours to make your gateway. Ready your men.”

He moves towards Mat, as though about to say something, or kiss him again—but he hesitates, stops, and only smiles. “I will see you again in Caemlyn. Go safely.”

Mat nods mutely. Somehow he cannot seem to summon the words he wants to say.

Rand turns to Olver. The boy squeaks as Rand kneels before him. “I hope to see you again, too. Will you look after Mat for me?”

Olver nods emphatically, caught somewhere between starstruck and terrified. Rand smiles at him, too, and then slips out of the tent. Mat stares after him, fiercely willing away the tears that prick his eyes, and then lowers himself to the floor and stays there, eyes closed and his head in his hands. This will never happen again, indeed.

He feels a weight settle beside him and opens his eyes to see Olver hugging him tightly. The boy regards him with large eyes. “Are you alright, Mat?”

Mat manages a weak smile for him. “Yes.” He thinks of Olver’s face when Rand spoke to him, and the smile becomes a little more real. “Are you afraid?”

Olver shakes his head fiercely, then hesitates a moment before asking, unusually quiet, “Do you love him?”

Mat sighs. He is too tired to lie. “I do.”

Olver nods. “Then… then I am not afraid of him.”

Mat feels a smile tug at his lips, but he pries Olver off him and puts on as stern a face as he can manage. “Right, off to bed. I’ll come to get you when it’s time to leave, and I expect to find you fully rested and ready to go.”

To his credit, the boy knows how far he can stretch his luck. He makes no protest, only scrambles up and darts out of the tent, hopefully returning to his own. Mat waits until his footsteps have faded, and then steps out of the tent himself. The night air is cool, at least in comparison to the heat of the day. It’s a good feeling. All around him, men are preparing for the journey ahead. Surrounded by the noise, Mat looks up at the sky. It’s cloudy tonight. He cannot see the stars.

Under this starless sky, Salidar is waiting.

.

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time live blogging: The Gathering Storm ch 24

In which I have less patience for Gawyn than I thought I did. Also I wrote this on a 12 hour flight and am posting now after 5 more hours or transit and no sleep so I have absolutley no idea how coherent it is. Enjoy?

Chapter 24: A New Commitment

Oh it’s Gawyn.

I don’t think I realised until just now how thin my patience for Gawyn has become.

You know that feeling, when you’re reading a book that has multiple viewpoints or plotlines and it changes from one to the next and your immediate response is ‘ugh, do we have to?’ Yeah.

To be fair, I suppose those last two chapters are a hard act for any change in viewpoint to follow. But still.

Gawyn yawned

Even he’s bored of his character.

Okay, sorry, give me a minute and I’ll see if I can dredge up some last few fucks to give about Gawyn Trakand.

Surprise surprise, he’s gone to Bryne’s camp. And by that I mean this is not the least bit surprising. Gawyn’s still seeking authority and command; he chafed under Elaida’s, but for all that he acted as a commander of his own forces, he was never truly autonomous. And now he’s left her, but he doesn’t know what to do and he’s still lost, so he goes to find a different authority. Someone he knows, someone he trusts – or at least, trusted. Someone who can give him answers, tell him what to do or – perhaps more importantly – tell him he’s doing the right thing.

What it comes down to, I think, is that Gawyn hasn’t grown up the way so many other characters have. He hasn’t, but he thinks he has. So he thinks he’s playing one role when really he’s playing another.

I think I’ve said this before but it’s as if he’s in the wrong story. Not narratively, but in the sense that he’s vastly out of his depth. This isn’t the story he was prepared for – he was raised to be First Prince of the Sword, to be a hero of sorts, but within a particular structure. And none of that applies here, when everything is chaos and nothing is as he expected, and the lines are blurred and there aren’t always clear-cut answers or easy ways to tell what the right thing to do is. And he doesn’t know how to cope with that. And instead of learning how, he runs away, he avoids making decisions, avoids truly acting, truly committing, even when he tells himself he is. It’s all very, very human and in that regard understandable, but the frustrating part is that Gawyn himself doesn’t see it, doesn’t acknowledge it. It’s as if he’s still trying to force the framework he thinks should apply onto reality instead of looking around and letting himself see the truth of the situation.

So for all that he is – or I suppose was – in a position of command, he’s ultimately still letting others call the shots. As if, subconsciously, he’s looking for a way to avoid making those decisions that threaten to overwhelm him because he doesn’t know what to choose or what to do. Following orders, even when he chafes at them, gives him…something of an out. Except now he has finally made a decision and acted on it – he’s left Elaida and the Tower, rather than simply ruminating on it and being frustrated. Still, though, his first instinct is to go to Gareth Bryne. A different figure of authority.

All things considered, though, Bryne is definitely a better choice than Elaida. And maybe Bryne can either slap some sense into him or help him find his feet and sort some of his shit out. Or both.

Not to mention the fact that it’s probably no bad thing Gawyn is seeking out someone like Bryne rather than just running off on his own. Because he is lost, and well out of his depth. He just needs to be made to actually recognise that and either do something about it or step back.

No, a single man approaching the army was not a danger. A single man riding away from it, however, was cause for alarm. A man coming to the camp could be friend, foe or neither. A man who inspected the camp then rode away was almost certainly a spy. So long as Gawyn didn’t leave before making his intentions known, Bryne’s outriders would be unlikely to bother him.

I’m not sure why this paragraph in particular made me think this but: Gawyn seems like a classic example of someone who is very skilled at tactics but has absolutely no aptitude whatsoever for strategy. Or perhaps no understanding of the fact that the two are not synonymous.

This paragraph also highlights what I was thinking earlier – Gawyn understand things within a certain framework, and when he’s operating within that framework he’s good at what he does. The problem is, that framework doesn’t always apply, and he doesn’t know what to do when it breaks down.

By now, the Younglings knew of their leader’s betrayal

Clearly I have Star Wars on the brain because all I can think of here is Anakin.

Yet leaving had been the right thing to do. For the first time in months, his actions matched his heart.

There’s a kind of irony in the fact that my patience with Gawyn has run out at precisely the time he’s finally showing some positive growth.

Maybe I just liked him more when he was suffering. That would be like me.

Saving Egwene. That was something he could believe in.

I just rolled my eyes so hard I think I severed the optic nerve. Seriously, Gawyn? It’s a good thing he and Mat haven’t spent much time together. But it fits right in with Gawyn’s whole…concept of who and what he’s supposed to be. It’s a simplistic concept, and one that doesn’t really work in practice, and he just has absolutely no idea. He sees this as a perfectly realistic and sensible thing to think. Go save Egwene, because clearly she needs him to save her.

But really. Not helping Egwene, or even ‘Egwene was someone he could believe in’, but straight to I Must Save Egwene. Maybe take ten minutes to get your own shit together, Gawyn, before you run off trying to save someone when you know precisely nothing about the situation. Maybe try not jumping to conclusions for once. Shall we give that a try?

They were the ones who had propped Egwene up as an Amyrlin, as a target. Egwene! A mere Accepted. A pawn. If they failed in their bid for the Tower, they themselves might be able to escape punishment. Egwene would be executed.

On the one hand, he’s not wrong. On the other hand, you’d think he would have enough confidence in Egwene to trust her to see the truth of the situation as well. It reminds me of when Mat tried to mansplain Egwene’s situation to her. SHE KNOWS, GUYS.

It’s easy to see why Egwene is consistenty underestimated by various characters. That’s not the issue so much as the fact that supposedly Gawyn loves her and you’d think that if he knew her, he’d at least think ‘okay Egwene’s not stupid, maybe I should find out more about what’s going on and see if she needs my help’ rather than MUST SAVE THE DAMSEL FROM HER DISTRESS.

I’ll save her somehow. Then I’ll talk some sense into her and bring her away from all of the Aes Sedai. Perhaps even talk sense into Bryne. We can all get back to Andor, to help Elayne.

What.

I just…what. I don’t even know where to start. Every single word of that was absurd. Every phoneme.

Let’s start with I’ll save her somehow. Who needs a plan? Not Gawyn Trakand! Because running into things with only a vague understanding of what’s going on always works out so well! Also just the brash arrogance of it – that he, with no thought and no plan, can just somehow do what he doesn’t even consider she could ever do for herself.

And then there’s I’ll talk some sense into her and even talk sense into Bryne and at this point I just give up.

And then they can all go back to Andor and help Elayne and everything will be all fine and dandy, just like a little storybook, nothing to worry about. PLANS, GAWYN. STRATEGY. BASIC KNOWLEDGE OF THE SITUATION. MAYBE EVEN A TOUCH LESS HUBRIS. You are not the only person alive capable of accomplishing things.

This next bit is a very Sanderson description.

A random Aes Sedai amongst the washwomen…I can’t think who this would be. Are we supposed to know? The rebels don’t have any spies from the Tower, do they, the way the Tower had Beonin and maybe others with the rebels? Or have Aes Sedai from the tower begun defecting from Elaida’s travesty of a regime?

“I’m not a recruit,” Gawyn said, turning Challenge to get a better look at the men. “My name is Gawyn Trakand. I need to speak with Gareth Bryne immediately about a matter of some urgency.”

The soldier raised an eyebrow. Then he chuckled to himself.

I can’t help but compare this to Rand walking alone into Ituralde’s camp, and the way Ituralde immediately took him seriously just because of his bearing, his look, the way he spoke. Gawyn…doesn’t have that, it would seem. Then again, I’m not sure how fair a comparison that is. Not to mention Rand isn’t exactly a role model at this point in time.

So Gawyn is entirely failing at gravitas, and while this seems entirely perfect for his character, there’s a small part of me that’s at least a little bit sympathetic; there really is very little more purely frustrating than not being taken seriously, or being taken for a liar or braggart when you’re actually telling the truth.

(Yes, I am a Slytherin, how could you tell?)

Gawyn met the man’s eyes. “Very well. We can do it this way. It will probably be faster anyway.”

The sergeant laid a hand on his sword.

Gawyn kicked his feet free of the stirrups and pushed himself out of the saddle.

And proceeds to win without killing, against several opponents. The fight scene also feels rather Sanderson – especially with the frequency of ‘fell into [stance]’ phrasing, which Sanderson has a slight tendency to overuse, and which I don’t recall Jordan using as often; he tended to go more with ‘Parting the Silk met Hummingbird Kisses the Honeyrose’ and constructions along those lines – but it’s well executed. (Ironically, that sentence I just wrote is a classically Jordan construction in terms of construction…)

“I am unarmed,” he said over the sounds of the wounded. “And none of these four will die this ay. Go and tell your general that a lone blademaster just felled a squad of his guards in under ten heartbeats. I’m an old student of his. He’ll want to see me.”

Gawyn is, by the rules of the title, a blademaster. He earned the title, and he is certainly skilled in a fight, and he knows it. And this takes me back to what I was toying with just a few pages ago, the sense that Gawyn is a good tactician but a terrible strategist, and doesn’t seem to recognise that there’s a difference.

He can plan a battle or a raid, and if you put an enemy or five in front of him he can win the fight. But he could never win a war.

He doesn’t think through cause and effect and consequence, doesn’t consider the entirety of the situation before focusing in on a single piece of it, doesn’t look at the bigger picture or the longer term. He gets lost in the middle, and there are parts of that middle in which he excels, and he sometimes mistakes that for a different ability altogether, and it just leads him further astray.

Perhaps it had been a mistake to fight the men, but he had already wasted too much time. Egwene could be dead by now!

She’s been Amyrlin for months and a prisoner for weeks. Five minutes one way or another probably isn’t going to make much difference now, Gawyn. I mean, maybe it will, but the fact that you only found out about this a few days ago doesn’t mean it didn’t exist before then, or that it’s suddenly become more immediate a problem just because you’re now aware of it. But again, that’s…not really how Gawyn looks at things. Or rather, that’s the kind of thing Gawyn doesn’t look at. He’s aware of it now, so it’s the centre of his focus, so it’s immediate and urgent and there’s no time to waste on things like…figuring out what the hell he’s actually going to do.

It’s like my never-ending frustration with people who run red lights, or the equivalent. Is that thirty seconds really so urgent? And is it worth the risk of being stopped for far longer than it would have taken you to just wait for the damn light to turn in the first place? Sometimes running headlong into a situation without stopping to consider the bigger picture or plan just means making a bigger mess of things. Sure, there are times when snap decisions are necessary and where there really is only a matter of seconds in which to act, but more often than not it just feels that way, when actually taking a few seconds to make sure what you’re doing isn’t going to fuck everything up is worth it.

Hi Bryne. Please slap Gawyn in the face. Just once.

“You, come with me.”

Gawyn clenched his jaw. He hadn’t received such an address from Gareth Bryne since before he’d started shaving. Still, he couldn’t really expect the man to be pleased.

No shit.

“Gareth,” Gawyn said, catching up, “I—”

“Hold your tongue, young man,” Bryne said, not turning towards him. “I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do with you.”

Gawyn snapped his mouth closed. That was uncalled for! Gawyn was still brother to the rightful Queen of Andor, and would be First Prince of the Sword should Elayne take and hold the throne!

Through no help from Gawyn, as it turns out. This is where Gawyn in many ways is still something of a sheltered boy, who hasn’t really grown past that. Hasn’t really learned that the world – or at least the apocalypse – isn’t so simple, while so many of the other characters have. It’s as if Gawyn has been left behind while the rest have developed as people – as leaders, as politicians, as heroes, as whatever else – which I think is part of the whole point.

Bryne should show him respect.

He should earn it. This is an interesting comparison to Bryne’s interactions with Egwene. The one Gawyn wants to run and save because she’s just an Accepted and a pawn. But in truth she is the Amyrlin, and while she’s still young she has earned Bryne’s respect. He doesn’t give it out based on rank or training or ‘should’. He respects those he has deemed worthy of his respect, those who have proven themselves. Egwene has. Gawyn hasn’t. Not yet, at least.

“All right. Explain what you’re doing here.”

Gawyn drew himself up. “General,” he said, “I think you mistake yourself. I’m no longer your student.”

Then, with respect, you’re an idiot. Because if you think that at the age of twenty-something, with a short time in command of a group of soldiers – yet still under the command of Elaida – you have nothing more to learn from Gareth Bryne, you’re kidding yourself.

Well, or you’re lost and uncertain and full of self-doubt and trying desperately to be the person you think you should be, and seeking someone who can help you do that while at the same time wanting to prove to yourself and those around you that you’re worthy, that you’re not just a pawn in the game.

So, okay. It’s not ego, precisely. Or it’s not just ego. It’s…a sheltered upbringing and a duty and an oath to give his life for queen and country, to be a leader and a hero and a sacrifice if necessary, it’s a great deal of skill combined with not a great deal of experience, it’s a need to be good enough combined with doubt that he is good enough combined with always feeling second-best to his brother yet unable to resent that and so instead pushing himself, it’s feeling lost and uncertain and so in desperation overcompensating and trying to do something, but not having the experience or information to match his ability.

“I know,” Bryne said curtly. “The boy I trained would never have pulled a childish stunt like that one to get my attention.”

I think that counts as a slap in the face. Gawyn needs this, though.

“Look,” Gawyn said, “perhaps I was hasty, but I have an important task. You need to listen to me.”

Why does he need to listen to you, Gawyn? Also, do you really think he’s leading the rebels’ armies and yet is somehow ignorant of Egwene’s situation? Do you not think, maybe, that he might actually know more about it than you do? There’s a time and a place for a ‘you need to listen to me’, but right now is more a situation for ‘I’ve heard some worrying things about Egwene; what do you know and can I help?’

It’s the sort of arrogance that isn’t conscious or even based in a sense of superiority but more is based in completely failing to take a second to think. Or to realise that you aren’t the centre of the universe. In other words, it’s the arrogance of immaturity.

Here’s the thing. Gawyn’s irritating me right now, and I’m obviously being critical of him here, but I still find him such an interesting narrative choice, and an interesting character and character arc to have included in this story full of people who grow into their roles as heroes of one kind or another. Because Gawyn provides something of a foil to that – a character who really should have been a hero, who was trained for it and positioned for it, and who tries so hard to do the right thing and save and protect those he loves, but so often makes the wrong choices. Sometimes through misinterpretation or failure to understand the situation, and sometimes through lack of information more than any fault of his own, but who nonetheless ends up adrift, while so many other characters are moving in the opposite direction. From confused and uncertain and young to more and more capable.

“If I instead throw you out of my camp for being a spoiled princeling with too much pride and not enough sense?”

More or less, yeah. Please sit him down and explain the concept of strategy to him, Bryne.

Gawyn frowned. “Be careful, Gareth. I’ve learned a great deal since we last met. I think you’ll find that your sword can no longer best mine as easily as it once did.”

And just like that, he proves Bryne’s point. And mine: that he thinks he has learned and grown, but he fails to see all the ways in which he hasn’t. He’s learned, but he’s learned the wrong lessons – or rather, there are so many more things he hasn’t learned. One of the greatest being that it isn’t about being able to stab his way through all of his problems.

It’s an issue of self-awareness, and of awareness of the rest of the world outside of himself. It’s being able to take honest stock of his abilities and his shortcomings. It’s recognising that he’s good at hitting things with a sharp stick but he has by no means learned everything there is to learn.

That’s kind of the tragedy of the Younglings (aside from their name); they’re…okay so the description that comes to mind is one of my favourite poems: “the lads that will die in their glory and never be old.” Those skilled enough and just experienced enough to think themselves wise and knowledgeable and ready, but too young and too caught up in the glory or the honour or even the sense of duty to see beyond that, to see that they are condemning themselves to being used by powers they aren’t truly equipped to contend with, to fighting to no purpose, to dying for nothing in the end. It’s a child’s sense of honour, and Gawyn can’t afford that anymore.

“I have no doubt of that,” Bryne said. “Light, boy! You always were a talented one. But you think that just because you’re skilled with the sword, your words hold more weight? I should listen because you’ll kill me if I don’t? I thought I taught you far better than that.”

Subtle as a hammer, but that’s what Gawyn needs right now. Especially since he killed his last Hammar.

Bryne held his gaze, calm. Solid. As a general should be. As Gawyn should be.

Gawyn looked away, suddenly feeling ashamed of himself.

The thing is, while Gawyn is in many ways still far too young and too immature, it’s…not all meant as a criticism of him. Some of it, sure. But it’s also an aspect of his character and his position – he did have a relatively sheltered upbringing, and while he was trained for some of these kinds of things, a) there’s not a whole lot of training you can do for an apocalypse you don’t know is coming and b) he was thrown pretty immediately into ‘reality’ before actually learning how to apply his training to it. The Tower coup was a baptism by fire when it comes to chaos and impossible choices. He wasn’t ready, and he got thrown into the middle of it, and because of his name and his title (and his skill) he ended up in a position of authority when he was in no way prepared for it.

And he had no guidance, from that point onwards. Even Rand had Moiraine and Lan and Verin in the early days, and then Rhuarc and Bashere and arguably Cadsuane. He was thrown into the deep end and it hasn’t exactly gone well for him, but he has had people along the way trying to teach him and guide him and occasionally serve as role models. Gawyn had that, when it was all still training. But from the moment it became reality, he’s been alone.

Which is, I think, another part of the reason he almost instinctively seeks out Gareth Bryne.

Bryne doesn’t like tea? Okay forget it, Gareth, you’re dead to me.

“Gareth. It’s Egwene. They have her.”

“The White Tower Aes Sedai?”

Gawyn nodded urgently.

“I know.” Bryne took another drink, then grimaced again.

Perfect.

I mean really, Gawyn, did you honestly think hadn’t noticed? What did you expect? “Oh, shit, you’re right, we’ve misplaced the Amyrlin! Thank the Light you’ve come to inform us of this! Hey, anyone seen Egwene in the last month or so? You know, dark-haired girl, wears a stole? Hall freezes in terror every time she walks past? No? Weird, could have sworn she was right there…”

“We have to go for her!” Gawyn said. “I came to ask you for help. I intend to mount a rescue.”

Bryne snorted softly. “A rescue? And how do you intend to get into the White Tower?”

“Oh, you came for help? Alright, let’s see the plan. You do have a plan, don’t you? No? Okay so maybe let’s start there.” Thank you Gareth Bryne. And to Gawyn’s credit, at least he went to the one person who probably stands a chance of getting something through his head.

“But tell me this, lad. How are you going to get her to come out with you?” Gawyn started. “Why, she’ll be happy to come. Why wouldn’t she?” “Because she’s forbidden us to rescue her,” Bryne said

Ah this is glorious. The value of information. Gawyn hasn’t the slightest clue what’s actually going on and he wants to run headlong into it with a half-baked plan and a whole lot of determination. Which is admirable and all, but it’s also probably the best way to turn a shit situation into an absolute catastrophe, so, you know, maybe let’s not.

And Bryne does this well; he doesn’t just refuse Gawyn outright and tell him he’s an idiot. He actually doesn’t tell Gawyn anything at the start. He leads with questions, and lets Gawyn see the extent of his own ignorance. “Okay, sure, so we do that. What next?” is a great way to get someone to poke holes in their own idea, rather than poking them yourself. This way, Gawyn’s more likely to actually learn something, and to understand what he’s learned, because he can see for himself that he’s already worked his way into a corner, and that’s only in the hypothetical.

“Bryne, she’s imprisoned! The Aes Sedai I heard talking said that she’s being beaten daily. They’ll execute her!”

“I don’t know,” Bryne said. “She’s been with them for weeks now and they haven’t killed her yet.”

“They’ll kill her,” Gawyn said urgently, “You know they will.”

I’m on a plane so it’s a little hard to hit my head against a hard surface but you can trust that I’m giving it my best effort.

It’s not that Gawyn doesn’t have a point in theory – there’s something to be said for his ‘eventually you mount your enemy’s head on a pike to make a point’ logic – but he still doesn’t have anything close to all the information. Even that isn’t an insurmountable obstacle, but he still doesn’t realise the pitfalls of not having the information. I’m reminded of what Lan said to Rand: “You can never know everything, and part of what you know is always wrong. Perhaps even the most important part. A portion of wisdom lies in knowing that. A portion of courage lies in going on anyway.” 

Gawyn’s got the ‘going on anyway’ part down more or less, but it’s the rest of it that he’s lacking. He trusts too much in the little information he has, and doesn’t think about where the holes are, or what he might be missing, or what might have been altered in the telling. He doesn’t think about all the ways in which what he knows may not actually be correct in a particular situation, because it’s different from what he’s been taught or what he’s seen. He doesn’t think about the uncertainties, and the way they can compound into catastrophic errors.

Which is central to the series in so many ways, and Gawyn is yet another variation on the theme of information and the lack of information, on truth and rumour and supposition, on the way fact and story and rumour can all be warped by time and distance, on how it’s virtually impossible to know everything, but it’s important to work with what you have in the best way you can.

“I’ll try to get you an audience with some of the Aes Sedai I serve,” Bryne said. “Perhaps they can do something. If you persuade them that a rescue is needed, and that the Amuyrlin would want it, then we’ll see.”

I can’t decide if I’m annoyed at this or not. On the one hand, why should they take Gawyn’s word for what is in Egwene’s best interests, when Egwene herself says otherwise? On the other hand…it’s not a bad idea to have a Plan B if you need one. Also, this is perhaps a good way for Bryne to basically encourage Gawyn to actually think everything through, and consider more of the situation, and make a genuine plan – because there’s no way he’ll be able to persuade the Aes Sedai without more than he has right now. And even then, it’s a ‘we’ll see’. It’s a test, of sorts.

So the Aes Sedai with the washwomen was definitely not a random aside, and I still can’t think who she might be, except a defector from Elaida. I suppose it would be the right time in the arc for that – Egwene’s last chapter was, as she saw it, the end of her own war within the Tower, and now it’s up to the Tower to take up the…fight? Non-fight? Struggle? Anyway, she provided the impetus, so now it’s time to see if she’s managed to break through the inertia, if it will be enough to start a cascading effect.

Meanwhile Bryne is finally like okay so Gawyn what the fuck were you even here for in the first place. Pretty sure he knows, he just wants Gawyn to say it.

“Why aren’t you back in Caemlyn, helping your sister?”

GOOD DAMN QUESTION.

“Well, rumours are unreliable,” Bryne said.

You might need to make more of a point of that, Bryne. Though Gawyn’s issue isn’t precisely gullibility so much as something almost along the lines of confirmation bias.

“Your sister holds the Lion Throne. It seems that she’s undone much of the mess your mother left for her.”

With no help from you, Gawyn.

It serves to highlight how lost and adrift Gawyn has been, how futilely he’s been running around trying to help, trying to do the right thing, but ultimately getting nowhere. His sister has become Queen of Andor. His girlfriend has become the Amyrlin Seat. They’ve claimed two of the most powerful stations in the world, and Gawyn is with neither of them, has helped neither of them, though everything he’s done has been in an attempt to do right by both of them. Also he still thnks they need his help – that Egwene needs him to rescue her, that Elayne needs him to help her. But they’ve achieved this without him, and it puts the spotlight back on the question of what are you doing, Gawyn?

“Your place is at your sister’s side.”

“Egwene first.”

“You made an oath,” Bryne said sternly, “Before me. Have you forgotten?”

In fairness to Gawyn, he was what, four? There’s an argument to be made there about oaths made well before what anyone would reasonably call age of consent. And about what that does to the one who makes the oath before they’re truly old enough to understand.

“But if Elayne has the throne, then she’s safe for now. I’ll get Egwene and tow her back to Caemlyn where I can keep an eye on her. Where I can keep an eye on both of them.”

Now you sound like Mat again, and not in a good way. Tow her back? Keep an eye on her? Gawyn you can barely keep an eye on yourself. You mean well but…you have also never seen Egwene take on the Hall. Or Elayne take on Andor. Give them a little bit of credit; they’re doing better than you are right now.

Bryne snorted. “I think I’d like to watch you trying that first part,” he noted. “But regardless, why weren’t you there when Elayne was trying to take the throne? What have you been doing that is more important than that?”

Gareth Bryne, asking the real questions. This is what Gawyn has needed for about eight books now. Someone to sit him down and say, calmly and clearly, what the fuck.

Especially because Gawyn’s reasons – ‘I grew entangled’ – are going to sound so much more feeble when said aloud than during all those long hours agonising to himself over what to do, and how to choose, and what is right. Don’t get me wrong; I rather liked a lot of those moments. It’s just that this plays so well; we’re so good at lying to ourselves, at justifying things to ourselves, and it’s so easy to get caught up in something and it all makes sense at the time, and it doesn’t seem like there’s any other choice…and then when faced with a conversation like this that cuts to the heart of it, and you have to explain those choices, and really look closely at them, it all…falls apart.

“Blood and bloody ashes!” Bryne exclaimed. The general rarely cursed. “I knew that the person leading those raids against me was too well informed. And here I was, looking for a leak among my officers!”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

Um? Sorry, Gawyn, I believe the correct response is “I have toh.” Or just a simple “Yeah I fucked up.” But to dismiss it like that? Really?

I had so much patience for Gawyn, you guys. I was so interested in him as a character concept, in the notion of a character who doesn’t grow the same way as the rest, who tries to do the right thing and should be a hero and instead makes the wrong choices, through poor decisions or poor luck. I was so interested in seeing the effects of that on him, on those around him. Plus I liked him at the start.

And he’s really done as much as he can to THROW IT ALL AWAY. I WAS PATIENT WITH YOU, GAWYN, AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME. *scowls*

“I’ll judge that,” Bryne said.

Gareth Bryne, singlehandedly ensuring that this chapter doesn’t actually drive me insane.

“But you still haven’t explained why you didn’t return to Caemlyn.”

Gareth Bryne, singlehandedly ensuring that this chapter doesn’t actually drive me insane.

“Regardless, once I get you a meeting with the Aes Sedai, I want your word that you’ll go back to Caemlyn. Leave Egwene to us. You need to help Elayne. It’s your place to be in Andor.”

“I could say the same of you.”

Touché. One point to Gawyn. Several hundred behind Bryne, still, but hey.

It’s hard to blame Bryne for being angry and upset and even disillusioned with Morgase after what she did and said to him. Because…well, back to information people have, and information they don’t. But…ouch.

“It must have been part of some scheme,” Gawyn said. “You know Mother. If she did hurt you, there was a reason.”

Bryne shook his head. “No reason other than foolish love for that fop Gaebril. She nearly let her clouded head ruin Andor.”

“She’d never!” Gawyn snapped. “Gareth, you of all people should know that!”

“I should,” Bryne said, lowering his voice. “And I wish I did.”

The interesting thing here is the reversal. Gawyn is still trusting to what he thinks he knows, what he believes, and Bryne is still trusting to observation and reason. But this time, Gawyn’s actually…well, he’s not completely right but he’s closer. But how on earth would anyone who saw Morgase, and saw Andor at that point in time, believe that? In this case, no one alive knows the full truth of what was happening. Not even Morgase. She herself would likely agree with Bryne. Which…yeah. That’s just so many kinds of horrific.

“Curse al’Thor! The day can’t come soon enough when I can run him through.” Bryne looked at Gawyn sharply. “Al’Thor saved Andor, son. Or as near to it as a man could.”

Well…at least Rand’s got Gareth Bryne on his side? (~It must be nice, it must be nice…)

This conversation is so well done in terms of showing how complicated the ‘who has what information and what does that mean for them’ game can get.

“How could you speak well of that monster? He killed my mother!”

Actually he was trying to avenge her, but why would you listen to literally anyone except that one rumour you hate and therefore cling to?

“I don’t know if I believe those rumours or not,” Bryne said, rubbing his chin. “But if I do, lad, then perhaps he did Andor a favour. You don’t know how bad it got, there at the end.”

Rahvin’s treatment of Morgase is one of the cruellest things done to an individual in WoT, possibly with the exception of…uh…Semirhage two chapters ago. It’s not just what he did to her directly in the form of physical and mental rape, but what he did to her as Queen, what he did through her to Andor, and what that did to an entire nation’s perception of her. To how those who loved and trusted her now see her. To her own perception of herself. And also to Andor as a whole; he nearly destroyed a country. And not only is she blamed for it, but she herself shoulders that responsibility, and she has no way of knowing that it’s not her fault. That’s…frighteningly thorough and perfect destruction of a person. Not just Morgase individually, but the very memory of her in the minds of thousands. The destruction of her, her memory, her legacy.

And you see it in moments like this, when someone like Gareth Bryne, who loved her and whom she loved, believes that maybe her death was the best thing for Andor. Believes the worst of her, because what else is he supposed to believe?

Anyway, Morgase’s story hurts, news at 11.

“I’ll always speak truth, Gawyn. No matter who challenges me on it. It’s hard to hear? Well, it was harder to live.”

Ow, stop it, this is NOT OKAY. Because he’s right. He’s right to speak the truth, despite how hard it may be to face. That’s so desperately needed…but in this case it isn’t truth. There’s just absolutely no reasonable way for him to believe that, because who looks at a situation like that and goes “ah. Of course. This must be a classic case of manipulation via a largely forgotten magical ability that no man should be able to wield anyway so he must have been one of the legendary monsters from millennia ago, disguised as the lover of the Queen of Andor. Also the earth is flat.” Occam’s Razor would be crying in a corner, shortly accompanied by all principles of logic and reason.

“In the end, Gawyn, your mother turned against Andor by embracing Gaebril. She needed to be removed. If al’Thor did that for us, then we have need to thank him.”

And every word of that is wrong. It was her loyalty to Andor that saved Morgase in the end, and it was out of loyalty to Andor that Morgase fled. It was out of loyalty to Andor that Queen Morgase, for all intents and purposes, died.

“Yes, Morgase the woman I can forgive. But Morgase the Queen? She gave the kingdom to that snake. She sent her allies to be beaten and imprisoned. She wasn’t right in her mind.”

No, she wasn’t, and it’s so much worse than you can imagine and this is FINE, everything is FINE. She herself was imprisoned, and now she has to live with the memories of doing all of this.

All that aside, I of course love the separation between Morgase the person and Morgase the Queen. It’s something we see and are seeing with so many characters, this conflict between who they are and what they are. How that plays out in their own mind and sense of self, but also how it combines with the way they are seen and treated by others. Who can still separate the person from the title, and who conflates them. Whether an individual can take on some of those roles and still hold onto themselves.

“But you have to bury that hatred of al’Thor.”

And Gawyn’s response, of course, is ‘nah’. HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU NEED TO BE TOLD THIS, GAWYN. BY HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU SUPPOSEDLY TRUST? He even saw Rand, at and before Dumai’s Wells. And yet, he holds to the thing first believed.

And in an abrupt change of subject…hi, Shemerin.

Interesting. So…kind of a defector from the Tower. And, actually, an altogether fitting one, to be the first one we see. The beginning, perhaps.

(Side note: the woman sitting next to me on the plane just asked if I’m writing my thesis).

Next (TGS ch 25) Previous (TGS ch 23)

[markantonys]

WOT sims shenanigans: polycule wedding edition

mat flirted with faile at his own engagement party 💀 he is OUT of control! list of people sim mat has flirted with so far: rand, elayne, aviendha, faile, egwene, nynaeve. thankfully, it was only the one flirt and not enough to develop a romance bar between them. and also i’d disabled jealousy game-wide in order to minimize issues with the polycule, so mat didn’t get murdered by perrin djfkgj

the engagement party’s dresscode was Party Outfit, and for most sims i make their Party Outfit just a regular-looking outfit but certain fancy sims i will give a fancy Party Outfit. so the result here was that everybody showed up in normal clothes except for elayne who was in a freaking ballgown. canon.

aviendha dipping rand is something that can be so personal:

gawyn shows up at the polycule’s apartment almost every single day asking if anyone wants to workout with him, so one day i finally had rand and elayne take him to the gym (mat and avi were at work) but then the two of them ended up fucking in the shower at the gym and ignoring gawyn. poor gawyn.

lan was not invited to elayne and aviendha’s bachelorette party but showed up anyway to hang out with nynaeve, bless that wifeguy

nynaeve repaid this devotion by CALLING MAT ON LOVE DAY TO ASK HIM ON A DATE god i am spraying sim mat with a water bottle! he’s out of control!!!! (i had him say no to the date ofc, don’t worry)

elayne tried to flirt with moiraine because i hadn’t bothered setting them as aunt and niece jdkjfg thankfully i caught her in time to prevent it. the problem is that very often when a sim sees their significant other they get in a flirty mood, and since i have 4 sims who are dating each other all living in an apartment together they’re pretty much CONSTANTLY horny because they love each other so much, except then they will just hit on any other sim nearby rather than only the partners who inspired that horniness (and elayne and mat are the worst of the bunch bc they both have the Romantic trait which also often puts them in flirty moods). at their core sims are slutty bisexual messes and i love it.

last year on Love Day, rand gave mat a flower and mat hated it. this year mat gave rand a flower and rand hated it! how the turn tables. rand has been waiting all year for his vengeance.

and finally we come to the wedding! here’s everybody’s outfits. yes i’m still crying over rand in his little flower jacket 🥺

the wedding went surprisingly smoothly! the guests all showed up and watched at least the first few ceremonies, though by the end of it most had wandered off. the only hitch was that it took the literal entire 8ish-hour wedding event just to get through the 5 different ceremonies, so in the last pics with the cake cutting, the wedding had actually ended by that point and i was holding the guests hostage at the venue djfkjg

first, some pre-ceremony selfies because i foresaw it would be dark out by the time the ceremonies were over (but even so it was kinda cloudy):

next, everybody being walked down the aisle by their sim of honor! nynaeve for rand, perrin for mat, gawyn for elayne (don’t ask me why i made their hair different colors, elayne was originally blonde but then i found a good cc red-gold hair whose base color is red so now she’s a redhead but gawyn’s still blond) and egwene for aviendha. can you tell that dark red is my go-to sims formalwear color lmao

and finally the ceremonies! moiraine officiated some of them but then wandered off for others, and alas i didn’t get a screenshot of rand and mat’s kiss because it happened too fast, so instead here they are being dorks while exchanging vows:

not pictured: gawyn doing pushups and lan situps during avilayne’s ceremony

you can’t see her here but moiraine had returned to officiate matlayne’s ceremony! and then left again. actually now that i think about it i believe mat was the one i had ask moiraine to officiate, so maybe the game only registered her as the officiant for ceremonies that mat was involved in.

rand and aviendha’s was last and the only guests who were still sitting and watching by that point were egwene, gawyn, and siuan. absolute troopers, gold stars for them.

i had rand and elayne do the cake cutting because i figured they’re the saps who would most want to :’)

in conclusion, you know the part in princess diaries 2 when the choir conductor has to conduct really fast to match the pace mia is setting down the aisle and then collapses against her music stand once it’s over? that was me when i finished this wedding.

[butterflydm]

incomplete list of things i would enjoy being updated in rafe’s WoT

1. Get rid of all the spanking, which rode a very uncomfortable line of not being clear if it was punishment or kink and it all kinda felt poorly defined and honestly screwed up what I think RJ was trying to say about the various relationships and dynamics in the book. And there was just way too much of it in any case. So far, I don’t think we have any mention of corporal punishment in the show, so I will take that as A Good Sign.

2. Trim out the random pairings thrown in later on -- Thom/Moiraine, Siuan/Gareth, Morgase and her guard (Tallanvor, I think?) are the ones that most immediately spring to mind. Not enough build-up. Weird tropes involved. Just chuck ‘em out, I say. I feel like they’re already going to do this one; after giving such intense scenes out to Moiraine and Siuan, it’s hard to envision them deciding to go with another pairing for either of those characters.

3. Berelain vs Faile. Like, if you’re going to change Perrin’s story like you did in episode one, I feel like it should at least give us a free ‘get rid of Berelain’s Faile storyline’ card. Berelain as a character I don’t mind, but I dislike almost every storyline she gets, lol. (also, I think Faile is probably going to come across more sympathetically on-screen than in the book, since we won’t be viewing her through Perrin’s Smell-O-Vision and getting an instant update every time she has a flash of jealousy). Also, it would not be a bad thing for Perrin and Faile’s romance to take longer before they end up together. Perrin has several books where he has literally nothing to do; stretching his story out is a good thing.

4. Tylin and Mat. Either give Mat a different reason to stick around the city or make it so blindingly obvious how horrible the situation is that absolutely no one can question it. Because the book dances around it way too much, imo. Related: maybe they can make Tuon and Mat less depressing for me? I love Mat and I just hate how I kinda feel like Tylin’s abuse existed to soften up Mat for Tuon. Or just make Mat/Tuon a purely political/mystical/symbolic marriage and stick Mat into the polycule. Less likely but I would certainly enjoy it. Maybe I’ll write it, once we meet the other players in the polycule.

5. They already seem to have done this so far but: the overprotectiveness of the Two Rivers’ men towards women could do with massive amounts of toning down. It doesn’t make any cultural sense! Toss it away, please! You can still give Rand issues re: the Maidens if you feel like you need to, just base it on the family/culture connection instead.

6. I’m torn on how I’d prefer Elayne’s brothers be handled. It is hilarious to me that both Rand and Egwene get involved romantically with the same family? Though Egwene really gets a raw deal in comparison to Rand, since Elayne got all the competence in the family (though Gawyn does have an equal share of the impulsive recklessness, I guess!). Do we need both brothers? They do serve very different roles later on, so maybe. It probably depends on whether or not they plan on doing Morgase’s storyline.

7. I re-read some bits of Lord of Chaos to refresh my memory of Alanna and That Thing She Does, and then Dumai’s Wells, and I’d forgotten that Elayne straight-up sends Min to Rand while Elayne has the full knowledge of what Min’s visions about them mean, which just reminded me of how incredibly easy it would be to make the relationship a true balanced polyam quad (which is what it basically was in my head anyway), anyway I’m saying Elayne should kiss Min before Rand does. That’s what this point is.

8. Fascinated by what Lan being a bit softer in the show means for Rand adopting his hardness. I’m very curious about the potential knock-on effect of that. I wonder if they’ll keep Rand softer in the show until we get to Dumai’s Wells to show a greater contrast after his abuse at the hands of the Aes Sedai? Will they give him another reason to harden himself off? Will Lan give that advice anyway? Maybe Rand will take after Moiraine more instead, with her web of secrets, since they did show him softening towards her in episode six after she heals Mat. I’m just very very interested in how Rand’s character changes will be handled -- though he’s been relatively in the background (compared to being the main PoV in the first book), his characterization has been rock-solid to who he is, so I’m just very intrigued as to where they plan on going from here.

[butterflydm]

first glimmers of gold

Rand wakes up the morning after.

This section is remarkably spoiler-lite! There are some vague allusions to memories that Rand has, but he doesn’t try to focus on them at all. He is very focused on Mat.

previous: something borrowed ~

show-watcher masterlist ~ book-reader masterlist

~ next: complications of second-sight

A band of warmth lay across Rand's waist, someone's fingers tucked in at his side. He had a long moment of confusion — he knew Egwene's touch and this wasn't her. He also, faintly, remembered another touch, but this wasn't her either.

The night came back to him slowly… a comforting hand on his head, pulling him out of a dream about- about something he couldn't recall now. Mat's face, outlined in moonlight. Mat's eyes hidden in shadow but concerned. The kiss-

Rand's hand twitched at his side, though he didn't quite bring it up to touch his mouth.

He wasn’t sure if Mat kissing him like that counted as bravery or recklessness or... or something else, but everything about what happened afterwards glowed red-hot in his memory.

He stretched his muscles a bit, feeling the way Mat was wrapped along his back. Warmer than he should be, which made Rand frown... that was the dagger, making it feel as though Mat was always a bit ill.

Light, but Rand wanted last night again, in a way that made his stomach twist with guilt. He'd already taken so much from Mat. If Rand had been only slightly braver, he would have told Moiraine what his father said- she knew the prophecies, surely, and would have been able to puzzle out that it meant that Rand was the...was the Dragon Reborn.

They could have spared Mat this journey — spared all the rest of them — set out just him, Moiraine, and Lan. Instead, Rand had managed to drag Mat and Nynaeve halfway across the bloody continent with his useless power that only ever half-did what he wanted and that he could already feel was digging into his mind and-

"Ah, I wondered when the panic would set in," Mat said near his ear, sounded tired but amused. "You're worried about what Egwene would think?" Rand hadn't been. He wasn't even now, not really. Egwene had broken things off months ago and, anyway, she deserved better than to be tied to the-

Mat deserved better than to be tied to the Dragon Reborn too, if that's really what Rand was, but he'd already fucked that up. Rand opened his mouth to apologize but Mat was still talking-

"It's nothing serious, what we're doing," Mat continued, as if to reassure, and he patted Rand on the hand, and maybe it would have come across as friendly if they weren't both still so, well. "You needed someone last night and I was there. Nothing that should get in the way of you and Egwene."

The words felt at odds with how securely Mat pressed up behind him, with the memories tugging at him. He hadn't needed someone, it mattered that it was Mat. It mattered to Rand.

"Nothing serious," Rand repeated, trying to match Mat’s light tone. It didn't feel true, but if that was- if that was what Mat wanted, then Rand would do his best to make it true. And maybe Mat was the smart one here. Rand being what he was, he didn't have much to offer anyway, not when he knew — when he felt — the certainty that one day his mind wouldn't be his own anymore, that he would get entirely lost inside himself.

His voice must have sounded off, because Mat heaved himself up, looming over Rand unsteadily. The circles under his eyes were worse again and Rand wondered if Mat had managed any sleep at all.

"It's alright to need someone sometimes," Mat said, touching Rand's cheek, turning his face up towards Mat. Leaning down and kissing him again. Rand closed his eyes helplessly. "But no more promises between us, agreed?"

Last night, Mat had-

But, no, it must just be what he'd wanted Mat to say. Or Mat had thought better of it after the moment passed. So Rand swallowed and nodded. "No promises."

"When we find Egwene again, you two can pick right up where you left off," Mat added, his thumb rubbing against Rand's jaw. "I'm not in the way."

Of course Mat wasn't in the way of Rand and Egwene — it was Rand and Egwene themselves who were in the way. But when Rand opened his mouth to explain that to Mat, they were kissing again and, ah-

They could always talk about it later.

For now, Rand just let himself enjoy what Mat was willing to give. The harsh rub of his beard against Rand’s skin, his clever hands, his eager mouth. And Mat’s eyes -- Light, Rand had missed Mat looking at him. He hadn’t even realized how much he’d gotten used to the way Mat’s eyes would dart away recently. Now, like this, Mat glanced up all the time — checking Rand’s reactions to a touch or a kiss.

Rand could get drunk on those eyes, if he let himself.

“You say the most ridiculous nonsense in bed,” Mat told him, afterwards, as they hurried to get dressed. “I mean, I’m not telling you to stop, it’s motivating and all. But I thought you should know.”

“I already know,” Rand said, dryly.

“Yeah, I bet girls love it,” Mat said wistfully, as if he himself hadn’t just said that he liked it. As if Rand had ever had a chance to say anything like that to anyone but Egwene, before now. “You always know what to say. I’ve never quite had the knack.”

Rand eyed Mat dubiously, as his own experience rather ran counter to that.

“I do plan to still flirt,” Mat said, as if Rand had put up any kind of protest otherwise. “We’re only- this is just-”

“So you said.” Rand tugged Mat towards him, gave him a lingering kiss. “Flirt all you like. I’m not stopping you.”

He said it half to be contrary, as Mat seemed to be fishing for a reaction of some sort, but half because, frankly, it had always been amusing to watch Mat flirt. And Rand found that his feelings hadn’t particularly changed there. Perhaps they should, but Rand wasn’t finding himself all that concerned by how he should feel these days.

It might even be a relief. Mat hadn’t exactly been in the mood for flirting with anyone recently, not since the dagger had taken a deeper hold on him. Thinking back, the last time he’d seen Mat flirt had been...

The darkfriend in Breen’s Spring. Dana.

Rand repressed a shudder. Yes, it would be good to see Mat flirt with someone else, anyone else, if only to wash away the memory of what had happened later that night.

“Do as you like,” Rand said and, because Mat still looked like he didn’t believe him, he added, “I’ll do the same.”

“Right, right. We didn’t get married,” Mat said, half under his breath, relaxing under Rand’s hands. Then he squinted at Rand with a hint of concern. “Wait, who are you planning on flirting with? What about Egwene?”

"Egwene wants to be an Aes Sedai,” Rand said, patiently. “Even before I knew I was the Dragon... what was I going to do, Mat — go to White Tower with her, be her Warder? It’s a lovely dream but it wasn’t... it was never going to happen.” He’d thought about it, during those early nights in their journey, when he’d talked himself into believing that his father’s words hadn’t changed anything. When he’d convinced himself that if any of them were the Dragon Reborn, it must surely be Egwene. But it had never been anything more than wishful thinking, he could see that now. “Even if Egwene is still alive... there’s no future between us. She made that choice months ago. I simply have to respect it.”

"She’s alive,” Mat said, but he looked away again, and Rand knew he didn’t believe it. “But you’re right, I suppose. She’s moved on to bigger and better things. Still, blood and ashes, Rand, you need to tell me before you go off flirting. You trust too easily. You’ll get conned.”

“Will I?” Rand asked, lightly. It was easy enough to agree, even to tease Mat a bit about it. “I’ll ask permission first, then, hmm?”

“If you want,” Mat said, in a belated and obviously begrudging concession to his own ‘no promises’ rule. Rand gave Mat a last fond kiss, then pushed him away by the hips. They were cutting it close on time, dawn creeping up through the window. Nynaeve usually got home around now.

Rand wasn’t particularly bothered if she found out eventually, but everything with Mat felt fragile, and he didn’t want to risk breaking anything. It would have to break eventually, but he’d like to keep this for a while, if he could.

[insomnia-productions]

hi so i've been meaning to ask you your rat headcanons fhhsdfh (eye emoji)

so this turned out kinda… long… hope you like the ideas though :)

They first meet when they’re 5. Rand begs Tam to let him visit the village, but Tam has work to do, so he deposits Rand to play with Abell Cauthon’s boy. Mat takes one long look at Rand, then grins and declares, “You’ll do!” He drags Rand to the Coplin house and starts rummaging in the bushes, producing several pots of paint. He then leads Rand through a gap in the wall and together they splatter-paint all of the Coplins’ sheep into rainbows. They spend the whole day playing and Mat boasts about all the cool pranks he’s pulled before. When evening finally falls, Tam comes to take Rand home, and, after much crying and pleading, he agrees to bring Rand to the village at least twice a week to visit Mat (and later Perrin as well). 

Their first kiss is, of course, in Cenn Buie’s apple tree when they’re 10. I think this has been said before, because of Egwene’s comment in EotW, and can I just say: we’ve been blessed. Thanks Egwene. 

Anyway, they’re sitting up the tree and talking, stealing apples, laughing about something stupid, and suddenly Rand leans over and kisses Mat. Just a quick kiss, just on a whim. They both go silent, and then Mat starts giggling, which sets Rand off too, and they hear Cenn Buie yelling at them to get off his tree. Mat laughs, gives Rand a quick kiss, and then leaps down and runs away, with Rand at his heels and Cenn Buie screaming blue murder behind them. 

They don’t talk about it and they don’t kiss again, but something is different. They stick closer together than before and constantly exchange grins. Perrin is sick of them. 

And then they get older. Someone asks them if they like any girls in the village. 

Rand shrugs uncomfortably and says Egwene. 

Mat doesn’t speak to him for a week. 

Perrin is losing his goddamn mind with these two. 

Eventually, things return to normal. Ish. They still don’t talk about it. Mat flirts with the village girls, and occasionally the boys. Everyone assumes Rand will someday marry Egwene. Perrin watches them gaze longingly after each other and resist the urge to bang his head against a wall. 

Then the Trollocs happen. Rand and Mat are separated from everyone else on the way to Caemlyn. You remember that scene from the journey? Mat is sick from the dagger, blind from the lightning, and it’s raining and they’re huddled together under a hedge, and Mat is in a panic? Yeah. Good shit. 

Anyway, it’s raining and cold and Mat is shivering and shuddering and muttering about the Dark One and, once again on a whim, or maybe out of some kind of desperation, Rand kisses him. And Mat calms down. And they still don’t talk. 

They keep on in this way until the morning Mat’s sight returns. Rand is violently shaken awake as Mat bounces on the bed and yells about how he can see again. Rand barely manages to sit up and smile before Mat crashes into him and presses their lips together, but only for a moment as they very quickly tumble onto the floor in a heap. This time, though, they finally don’t run from it, and pass a very enjoyable morning before continuing their journey. 

When the others arrive and Moiraine heals Mat, and he explains that he can barely remember anything from the journey, Rand frowns and asks if he really can’t remember anything. 

And Mat knows that this is it. This decision is all-important. He could pretend not to remember and they could carry on like they always have. Or… He gives Rand a small, red-cheeked smile and says, “I remember some things.”

Rand, equally flushed, smiles back. 

Perrin, in the corner, is losing his shit. 

Of course, Rand then turns out to be the Dragon Reborn, so that really puts a damper on things.

Anyway that’s my take on the evolution of their relationship. I know you’re still reading so I won’t go beyond EotW, but here’s some general relationship headcanons, just for fun—

Perrin claims that Mat’s pranks always get about 70% more extravagant when Rand comes over. He suspects that Mat is trying to impress him. Mat vehemently maintains that this is slander and he will deny it in court. 

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Mat likes to give things to Rand. All sorts of things - anything that’s pretty. Flowers, mostly, or bits of glass dulled and glazed by the river, or shiny trinkets that were going for cheap. (Mat mentions in a later book that he likes giving pretty things to pretty girls, so I imagine this would extend to pretty boys as well.) 

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Rand talks Egwene into teaching him some basic healing techniques so he can patch Mat up when he inevitably gets injured during his pranks. Rand claims that he’s doing it so Mat won’t get in trouble with Nynaeve, but really he just likes taking care of him. 

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Rand has a lot more common sense than Mat, yet he goes along with most of Mat’s pranks anyway. This is 50% because they’re fun and 50% because he’s fallen in love with that wicked, impish look Mat gets at the moment the prank occurs. 

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One year, on the night before Rand’s birthday, Mat decides to sneak off and visit his farm, since it’s always Rand who has to come to Emond’s Field and Mat wants to surprise him. What he doesn’t know is that Rand is also sneaking out to come meet him, so they can spend time alone before his birthday becomes a public affair in the village. Of course this is a terrible idea and they both get lost. They stumble into each other in the middle of the woods, completely lost, in total darkness. Mat nearly punches Rand before realizing who he is. The two of them wander about together, growing increasingly panicked (mostly because Mat keeps whispering we’re going to die over and over again). Unbeknownst to them both, Perrin saw Mat sneaking off and just knew this would happen, so it isn’t long before he comes along with a search party to rescue them. He brings Nynaeve, though, just to teach them a lesson. They never try to sneak out at night again.