#anyway my wife said this drawing was “badass” and “kinda hot”

[bee-rosmyth-art]

"I… don't really know who I'm kidding, to be honest. I'm- I'm never getting out of here, am I?"

He twitched a couple of times, then fell still. After a little while, since nothing in the dark little chamber seemed about to respond one way or the other, he answered himself.

"I'm never getting out of here."

At which precise and timely interval, the wall exploded.

-Blue Sky, Chapter 2: The Rescue

Written by Wafflestories

[fishdavidson]

Dream Journal 2017-10-08: Pirate Queens, Motown, and Cheese

Last night’s sleep was constantly interrupted, though thankfully not by the animals. My arm would go numb from sleeping on it, or my feet would get to cold/hot, or I had to use the toilet. As such, I amassed a collection of dreams from nearly every phase of REM sleep. Dreams from earlier REM phases aren’t any different in quality from later phases, but it’s harder to remember them because the brain tends to “overwrite” any memories of the dream.

But I’ll stop yammering now and get to the quality content you come to this blog for!

You know how those touristy places with scenic views often have those coin-operated binoculars where you can pay money to look at scenery that you can already kinda see with your own eyes? There was one of those in my dream overlooking a lake with a floating dock in the middle of it. A family was sitting in folding chairs on the dock and were performing silly dances for anyone who put money in the binoculars. I think they were trying to raise money to get a replacement set of binoculars? Anyway, I popped a few quarters in the thing, saw the family dance, and then was overcome by a fit of giggles as I imagined the phrase “cheese decade.” This is not a funny phrase in its own right, but I swear to you that it was the funniest damn thing I have ever heard in a dream. I literally fell to the ground from laughing too hard, but dreamtime Fish Davidson really needs to laugh at better jokes.

A castle was built on a mountainside that overlooked a bay. The castle was known as Cannon Wall. It had fallen into disrepair and was too much of a safety hazard to be eligible for inclusion on the historical landmark register (YES, I DREAM ABOUT BUREAUCRATIC STUFF LIKE THIS FOR REAL), so the building was set to be demolished. Out of the list of stuff that Fish Davidson likes, “castles” and “explosive demolition” are pretty high on that list, so you better believe I was sitting in a boat watching the event go down. The demolition happened right at sunset, where orange rays of light illuminated the castle walls like it was on fire as all the stone crumbled into the forest below.

One of my drawing instructors from college moved to Memphis, Tennessee. He got a tastefully decorated apartment there that had a trendy “exposed brick” aesthetic. His young son, though, was super mad about the apartment. He was fine with moving to a different city, BUT EXPOSED BRICK WAS JUST TOO DAMN MUCH FOR THAT KID TO HANDLE. He went into full-on tantrum mode. Kids can be douchebags, man.

Some placeholder people in my town decided to create a Motown-esque soul group. Every member of the group is an elegant black lady, and they all wear matching red dresses when performing. Normally I try to omit ethnicity in my dreams, but in this case, it is important to the plot. This band has so much talent that all the individual members could pursue successful solo careers that could rival Beyonce’s. I happen to see this group of locally-famous musicians huddled up outside the local Bell Telephone office and they appear to be trying to remember a legal term that was mentioned during a court case affecting the group that concluded only minutes prior. “Are you all talking about an ‘adjudgement?’“ I yell from across the street (apparently I have really good eavesdropping skills in dreams). “YES, WHITE BOY! THAT’S THE WORD!” one of the ladies yells back at me. “YOU NEED TO DISGUISE YOURSELF AS ONE OF US SO WE CAN GET CLOSE TO OUR ENEMIES AND YOU CAN TELL THEM THAT WORD YOU JUST SAID AND THEY WILL NOT LIKE HEARING BIG WORDS LIKE THAT.” And that’s the story of how I put on a red dress and learned how to dance awkwardly as the sole white lady of this group. I never spoke during performances except to say “ADJUDGEMENT!” at certain people, and I was completely okay with that.

My beloved @wildblueyoshi made an appearance in a dream doing more badass things. This time around, she was a professional treasure hunter that specialized in recovering treasure from pirate shipwrecks. Through the course of her research, she located a site that was believed to be the place where a British naval fleet sank while in pursuit of Ching Shih, the most successful pirate in history. Most Westerners haven’t heard of Ching Shih because she’s from China and is a woman (Sarcastic hooray for Western historical bias that favors white males!). The shipwreck in question ran aground and was almost immediately covered by a landslide and lost to history. My wife launches her excavation team and finds a finely-crafted marble room inside what is now a riverbank. More dirt gets moved and a vast treasure hoard comes into view. The centerpiece of the room is a gold bust of Ching Shih herself, and my wife realizes that she didn’t find a shipwreck; she found the lost treasure of Madam Ching, which was believed to have been only a myth. I AM SO PROUD OF MY WIFE, BECAUSE PEOPLE GET FEATURED ON THE COVER OF NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC FOR STUFF LIKE THIS.

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That’s a vintage portrait of Ching Shih right there. She’s truly a badass.

[just-jordie-things]

Mommies - Allison Argent

You walked through the kindergarten hall, admiring the cute finger paintings and drawings of animals (mostly puppies, but you did see a very elaborate scribble of a dragon) on the walls.  You smiled here and there, recognizing a few names.  Your daughter, Maria, and a few of her friends names.  The twins, Claudia and Annakin Stilinski, Jonathan McCall, Abigail Raeken, and Danny Dunbar.  Why Liam and Hayden chose Danny, was purely because Liam thought it was funny to say ‘Danny Dunbar’.  

But you weren’t here to inspect the amateur artwork, you were here to pick up your little girl.  School would be over in a few minutes, and usually your wife was the one to get her, but you got off work early and saw an opportunity to surprise Maria.  As you neared her classroom, the duckling class, the bell rang.  You smiled watching all the five and six year olds putting on their backpacks with a little struggle, and you stepped aside as they came out the door.  Then you went in.

“Mommy!” Maria looked up from where she was sprinkling a mountain of glitter, and ran over to you.  You smiled wide, and lifted her up in the air, spinning her around.

“How was class today munchkin?” You asked, and peppered her cheeks with kisses, making her giggle.

“It was fun! The eggs are going to hatch soon!” You looked over to where she pointed at the chicken eggs, and smiled back at her.

“That’s great kiddo!” You said, and set her down so she could go collect her things.  You watched her put on her jacket, all by herself, and even zipped it up.

“Hello” You turned upon hearing a female voice, and turned to see who must be her teacher.

“Oh hello, you must be Ms Louise” You said kindly, and held out your hand, she shook it with a smile.

“Hello, I just wanted to come say, if the parent or guardian isn’t picking her up, that there needs to be a signed form from the parent or guardian saying that it is alright to take her” The older woman said, and you furrowed your brow for a moment, then let out a quiet laugh.

“Oh my apologies, usually Allison picks her up, but I’m Mrs Argent” You introduced.

“Mrs Argent?” You nodded.

“That’s me, it’s a pleasure to meet you, we hear all about you at home” You said sweetly, and the woman just nodded.

“I see...”

“Mommy I’m ready” Maria said, toddling back over to you and her teacher.

“Well how lucky are you dear... to have... two....mommies” Maria just shrugged her shoulders.

“Honey, why don’t you wait in the hallway, I’ll be right there” You said, and Maria nodded, going out to the hall.

“Ms...Mrs... Argent, I’m slightly concerned for Maria’s...um.. well being, I suppose”

“And what sparked this concern?” You asked, defensively crossing your arms.

“Well, try and see it from her point of view.  A child with two mommies, in a classroom of children who learn to play house with a mommy and a daddy” Ms Louise said, putting her palms together and moving her hands about as she spoke.

“Forgive me if I’m wrong, ma’am, but this ahem, concern, you show for my daughter, has nothing to do with Allison and I’s marriage, does it?” You asked, raising a suspicious eyebrow.  “Because it would be highly inappropriate if my five year old’s teacher is telling me that the relationship I have is wrong.  I don’t believe that’s your place” You said.

Ms Louise said nothing, as expected, and you pulled a tight smile, raising both of your eyebrows.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me.  I have a daughter and a wife at home to attend to” You said, nodding curtly and heading out of the room.

“Mommy was I in trouble?” Maria asked, and you took her hand, and her My Little Pony backpack.

“On the contrary, you are not.  In fact.  We are going to go get ice cream, and bring some home to mama too alright? How does that sound?” Maria squealed with excitement, which made you smile.  “Come on munchkin” You tugged on her arm, and lifted her up, swinging the backpack onto your shoulder.  “You know I love you so much, right?”

“Of course mommy we’re getting ice cream” Maria giggled back.

“Your mother and I care about you so, so much.  Just as much as a mommy and daddy would” You said, and she smiled at you.

“I know mommy” She said in a soft, sweet voice.  “I don’t need a daddy” You were stunned too much to say anything.  “I know most of the other people have a mommy and a daddy, but I think having two mommies is more fun” You were tearing up, and hid it by kissing her hair.

“Don’t tell Uncle Scott and Uncle Stiles, but two mommies is way more fun” You said, holding a finger to your lips.

“Surprise mama!” Maria yelled excitedly upon handing Allison a hot fudge sundae.

“Ooh, and what is the special occasion?” Allison asked, pecking your lips and taking the treat.

“Gross!”

“Hush munchkin” You laughed, ruffling Maria’s hair.  “Now, eat at the table so there’s not a mess” You said, and she scurried off to the kitchen.

“How was your day?” Allison asked.

“Pretty slow actually.  Scott and I spent a lot of the time playing poker” You chuckled, and Allison rolled her eyes.

“I love that you guys get to work together and hang out, but I feel like you get nothing done” She laughed, and you shrugged.

“Well, I met Maria’s teacher” Allison’s eyes widened slightly, but enough that you noticed.  “Five minutes with the woman, yikes.  I don’t know how you keep calm”

“I’ve learned a great amount of control” Allison said, sitting down across from your daughter, and diving into her sundae.  “You know my mother was never on the gay boat with me” Allison said.  “I’ve learned to keep other people’s opinions away from my own”

“That sounds no-know-noble” Maria said, testing out her newly learned word.  Allison giggled.

“She is my knight in shining armor” You winked at the huntress, and Allison winked back.

“So you’re like.. the princess” Maria lit up upon calling you so.  But you snorted.

“Girly, I’m the freaking queen”

“Language” Allison scolded you.

“I’m sorry, I don’t recall saying a curse word” You teased.

“Yeah mama, mommy’s the freaking queen!” Maria burst into a fit of giggles.

“Hey, you watch your mouth young lady” You said, pointing an accusatory finger at the girl.  “We don’t use that kind of foul language in this house” Allison sighed loudly, and shook her head.

“My girls are crazy.  I don’t know how I put up with you two” You smiled, and leaned over to kiss the top of her head.

“Because you love us” Allison waved a dismissive hand.

“Yeah yeah” 

You were all ready for bed, in sleep shorts and a tee shirt, while Allison was in the bathroom brushing her teeth.

“So” She said with a mouthful of toothpaste.  “How bad was Ms Louise?” You shrugged, pulling back the covers to your bed.

“She could’ve been worse” you said.  “I kinda put her in her place.  Reminded her where our hard earned taxes go” Allison chuckled, and washed her mouth out.

“Well at least you didn’t rip out her hair extensions” She said, and you smirked.

“Hey, if Maria wasn’t there, a lot more would’ve went down” You said.  “Oh takes me back, you and me, the pack, fighting the bad guys” You sighed.  “You were so sexy with those leather jackets” Allison chuckled.  “Don’t worry babe, you still are” You pecked her lips sweetly, and Allison sighed in content as you both climbed into bed.

“Who knew our monsters would turn into homophobic kindergarten teachers?” She asked, and you took one of her hands, intertwining your fingers together above the blankets.

“I love you” You told her softly, and Allison smiled her angelic smile.

“I love you too” She said, before leaning forward and placing a long kiss on your lips.  “And I love what we have here, this family of ours” You nodded in agreement.

“Mm me too” You hummed, and pulled her closer, until she laid her head on your chest, you lying on your back.  Allison’s arm encircled over your stomach, and she hummed into your chest.

“I do sort of miss the old days.  Fighting the bad guys, saving the town” You smiled, running a hand through her short locks of chocolate brown ringlets.

“Yeah... those were good times.  High schoolers by day, badass team by night” Your smile grew a little.  “Werewolves and banshees and hunters oh my” Allison shook her head.  “Oh.., but you know the worst one?”

“Um...void?”

“Hell no, Stiles was never hotter” Allison burst out laughing.  “Jesus I swear he made me straight for a good three days”

“Tell that to Lydia” You shook your head.  “Yeah well some day you’ll be drunk and that little confession will come out, and you’ll never be able to take it back” 

“Ha.  My lips are sealed”

“Sure, you say that now.  But twenty bucks that Stiles won’t let you live it down” You just rolled your eyes.  “Anyways, what was the worst one?” 

“That stalker kid that was obsessed with you”

“Matt-”

“Don’t say the twerp’s name” You growled, and Allison chuckled.  “I remember beating the living shit out of him” Allison rolled her eyes.

“Yeah yeah, you just loved bragging about that, only all of sophomore year”

“Hey, the only reason my senior quote wasn’t ‘I beat the shit out of Matt Daeheler’ was because he died, and I didn’t want to be suspended”

“Yeah well my grandfather drowned him.  He’s gone now”

“God I just wish I’d been there” You sighed.

“You’re sick”

“I’m a dreamer” You said with a giggle to childlike giggle that just didn’t fit the conversation.

“Well maybe someday, something bad will happen and we can pull out your crossbow again” Your eyes lit up and you looked down at her.

“You mean it?” You asked hopefully, and Allison smiled beautifully with a nod.

“For your pent up anger, I do hope something attacks this town”

You both laughed, and you held her tightly and closer, as you both grew more tired.

“Goodnight” You hummed, watching her eyes flutter shut.

“Goodnight love” Allison whispered back.  It was quiet for a few moments, and your next murmur was barely heard.  But Allison caught it, as your lips moved against her forehead.

“That Matt kid was a little fucker though”

And you fell asleep with smiles plastered on your faces.

i could use a request, if anyone has any ideas? xoxo ~ jordie