#anyway time to go soak in a bath and reset my brain

[aestheticvoyage2023]

Day 263: Wednesday September 20, 2023 - "Tucson Overnights"

On Monday we sat in the pool and mentally crafted how this next two weeks would go. Its a long stretch in front of the two of us. And our goal is for William to not have to feel anything but complete normalcy and stability from his parents. I want to be above any self imposed anxiety, and rise above the exhaustion of the grind. I suggested that we just take it in small chunks - just one quarter at a time. And I like the idea of winning each quarter. Especially the 4th Quarter. I am not sure that any of this resonated with Audrie, but I was saying it for myself anyway. Ahead of me an important gauntlet and measure of my nurturing fatherhood intentions - 10 Nights of "Primary Parenthood" - the phrase I am lending to these stretches where we let Mama focus on her career and the demands of her profession - during a time when potty training is fragilely in focus, and his two-year-old tides seem remarkably regulated; important, very important days. I told Audrie, "I just really need to on top of my game. I have to be well prepared to do good here." But the saving grace, making a 10 night stretch like this reasonably possible was that across the 10 nights, were some well placed Mama-breaks to get us on through. As I laid it out, it was perfect and smooth and easy in my mind - I totally got this! First Quarter - Monday evening "Bye Bye Mama" to Wednesday Night, where after a Tucson Overnight, we'd all get a break and refilled with Mama's love. We'd all go into the Second Quarter replenished and cruising towards the weekend halftime show in San Diego, where we'd be crashing mama's overnight for break #2.

In the second half, we get Mama home on Sunday night and Wednesday night again, as we close out the month, with me getting a little solo break for all my efforts.

Suddenly this big long intimidating stretch was manageable. 4 quarters. Take them one at a time. And so I had a plan to get me positively from Monday afternoon until today. I won the first quarter. I left Audrie alone and let her sleep in our bed most the day, and then she took William in the evening and did bedtime on her own (as if William would have it any other way - a couple times I tried to join them and was met with "Daddy go away". His Mama break time. I totally get that. And was grateful for the brain break that this gift gives me. I laid on the couch listening to them read books, mind mapping the 2nd quarter game plan. "These Tucson overnights are so damn cool." And by cool I knew the reflected expression was of being able to be totally off the hook for a few hours this evening. But it was also in seeing just how damn much William enjoyed having his mama here, to pick him up from school, to take him to dinner, to do his bath time. I have this thing with William where I ask him if he loves his mama and he says "yesssss. and then I tell him, "not near as much as she loves you." I tell him so often how much she loves him when shes gone to work. And he knows it. And when shes home, he feels it, and soaks it all up, every bit he can get. They talked at bedtime, about how shed be gone when he woke up, and sure enough he wailed and cried at 5am when he rolled over to try to find her. He knew she was back at work. He cuddled into my warm armpit with big real tears, and we breathed in the flowers, and out the candles, a trick shes taught both of us. She was there,even when she was gone - in the loving confidence and nurturing stability I can lend him in her absence - its all her. The 2nd Quarter started off in such a loving memorable way, thanks to that little break that let us all reset and regulate. She was off to work for one more leg back to LAX before starting her two day to Austin and San Diego where we'll see her again in about 60 hours. We cruise into the next quarter talking and scheming about San Diego and our next fill-up.

Song: Fall Out Boy- We Didn't Start The Fire

Quote: If you're lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting Time after time If you're lost, you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting Time after time

~Cyndi Lauper

[weebliss]

A Day in My Life

I'll write the things I've done, thought, and felt today as much as I can because today I am happy.

To start, I woke up at exactly 6 am. I read two chapters from the "Second Book of Chronicles" and contemplated on how victorious conquerors like, King David, treated their captives. Those days were barbaric but David, as Jehovah's servant, ordered the captives to build weapons for his army. I also promised myself to research on why is numbering Jehovah's worshippers a detestatble thing for Jehovah. I cannot understand that part well, so if I had data I'll look it up.

After that, I charged my phone took a bath, and skinned my legs ( I have five red spots of clot on my right leg, at least by now I know the razor is sharp hehe). I ate a hearty breakfast of vegetables and fish stew. I wore a pink blouse and a gray skirt today. I went to KH and found it was still close, so I head to Ate Ayan's only to find a miserable Ate Shee Ann worrying about her daughter because Kaye left the house. After  petting Moshi, talking nonsense to Leonard (Ate Shee Ann's baby), and sharing rebel stories with Judy, Kaye was found by his father and off they went home.

The crisis was solved and it was 9 am when our group decided to preach at Homewood (name of an inn, we preached at the surrounding neighbourhood there). Talked to Aileen about the future and promised to talk about the reasons why we suffer today once I happen to drop by at their place.. I was quite distracted with my company because they were planning to go to Kuya Lino's farm to harvest fruits. By 10 am, we left the place and I headed home because I cannot imagine myself going to Bukidnon wearing a skirt to reap fruits and besides I got a lot of recording to do.

I bought a kilo of rambutans as I went home and ate them together with my mother, who was busy washing our clothes. It was 11 am. We argued between going to Bukidnon or not but in the end we decided to stay at home because we were tired of thinking about it. We ate canned tuna which my brother bought for lunch. After that, my mom cleared the table and I put all my papers on top of it including my old laptop, my purple highlighter, and my pink flexy ruler. I tuned in to "Mellow Touch" and began working. I dozed by 12:30 pm woke up by 1:10 pm because I forgot to reset my alarm. I continued working until 5 pm. What I like about recording scores is that I can do it 'semi-consciously'. I do not have to think hard and I still have enough brain cells to decipher the lyrics of love songs played on the radio. I found a song which perked my intetest. It talked about owning the consequences of your decisions and stop apologizing about them because after all, you wanted the things or events that had happened and that song about letting it all be because both of you learned to live without each other for a long time so why not make it forever? Do not rekindle the spark anymore, both of you are still alive and breathing anyway? Also you know, I love songs from 90s boy bands so, the Backstreet Boys' singing "I Want It That Way" was a fun distraction. You know, I love listening to the radio because you'll never know what song will be played next. Good ol' stuff. Good ol' stuff. Hehe.

By 5pm, my mom and I went to Gaisano to eat doughnuts. My brother was craving for them, so we went there. I ordered tuna bunwich and hot choco while mom got herself two raspberry-filled doughnuts (ulk) and hot choco. We sat at our spot and the best part was we did not have seatmates! Ahahaha. We ate silently and stared into space. We were both zoning out and it was okay. I was busy rereading the first chapter of "Sense and Sensibility" by Jane Austen because I have trouble adjusting to Austen's writing style. After a couple of pages, I talked to my mom and took some mundane pictures. We bought doughnuts for my brother before we left. We were caught up by heavy rain and half of our bodies were soaked. We had to wade through the dirty floodwater to get home but anyway, we had fun hehe was quite worried about my legs because I scraped them and they were exposed to dirty water. I needed to wash my feet thoroughly. I forgave the rain because I was on my bed with four pillows and two blankets rewatching "Bridgette Jone's Diary". I ate dinner in between (dinner was boiled eggplant, fried fish, and canned tuna leftover). I finished the movie and went to tutor my neighborhood kids but it was already 8 pm and their house was dark, so I went home and typed how my day - - today- - went.

For what reason? Because I was wondering if I'll ever find somebody whom I will be comfortable doing those things with. You see, I want to be left alone most of the time and I thrive on enjoying simple moments. I seldom talk and I stay inside my head most of the time. I do not want to be entertained because I seldom get bored, so I treat people like that too. I just leave them on their own because I'm not good at entertaining people anyway.

That's all. This is waaaay too detailed and personal I know. I need to tone this down if I'll ever post this on social media.

[stefandesofia]

Stories from the Unliving Ch 3

“And that’s how I saved humanity from a reset” said I to the wide-eyed man. 

“You can’t be serious! You went through all that trouble, you literally survived through a war, stopping it BY YOURSELF! And they still ended up taking you apart to learn what made you live?”

“Ah well, it’s fine. All those people are dead now, and even if they did hold me in a cage for years, I can’t die, so I just waited for the cage to fall apart. Only took about 300 years for the metal to get too rusty, and I managed to break it.”

“Even still! It was heartless of them, they cut you up, took you apart, when you should have been treated as the hero you were! Why, if I could go back, and give them a piece of my mind!”

“They still ended up dying anyways, though I don’t know what caused it, since I was locked away. I did end up looking around, after I got out. It was very interesting, everybody was gone. There was little to no damage to the buildings around. There was cars and whatnot that had obviously crashed into things, but it’s like all the people disintegrated. That was about 4000 years into the current reset, so very high level of technology. I checked out the military bases that I knew, and most of them were empty, though a couple I couldn’t get open either, so that’s likely where you had hid that time. I ran some scans using the leftover equipment, so I could check what might have happened. The radiation was really high around. And I mean, everything dies in less than 1 seconds of exposure, and by 20 minutes, only a bloody pile is left kind of high. I’m guessing what happened there was, some sort of radiation wave hit the planet, likely something from the sun, and only the quickest and most well off people managed to hide in underground bunkers. I ended up not communicating with anyone at that point for over 3000 years until the radiation died down a bunch. I also tried helping. You know that area, waaaaay up north? That place where you people call it cursed? Where anything that goes too close, be it people or animal dies? Yeah, I did that.”

“I thought you said you weren’t an evil lich! And now you’ve cursed the whole Valley of Death?”

“Nah, I made it easier for all you to live on the surface again. I went with a truck I fixed, and by hand scraped down and decontaminated all surfaces, gathering all the radioactive material off the surfaces of literally everything, putting it in the truck and driving it off over to the Valley. You know how bad radioactive stuff is for technology? I had to use all trucks in over 300 different shipping yards, fill them in, and after the 14th-15th truckful they would stop working, and I would just start driving them in the Valley as far as they would go, and once they broke for good, I’d just abandon them, walk back the several hundred miles, and start over with another truck. Considering how deadly that area still is, even after 13.000 years, I’d say, I single-handedly managed to bring you lot to the surface thousands of years before you would have gone out on your own. And you know, you might not have, at that point. I read that people can only really stay underground for a few generations at most. Not being able to see the sky or something messes with your heads, and you either go insane, or drop dead.”

“Well, in the name of all of humanity, past and present, I thank you for the work that you’ve put in, that noone but me even realises.”

“Don’t sweat it! It actually gave me a purpose. Not being able to even talk to animals was a real bitch, so I needed something to keep me ‘alive’ so to speak. But you know, I never really figured out exactly what the issue was. I only had my speculations, but since all technology died from the massive EMP that swept over, pretty much erasing all records of things. I watched the sun from a telescope for a while, but the large ball of white didn’t help much, I’m afraid.”

“How did you look at the sun? Wouldn’t it have damaged... your... eyes... I realised the error in that question, forget I asked anything”

“It’s fine, you’re used to something, and it’s difficult to wrap your brain around anything else.”

“What about the time while you spent locked up? Did you have anyone to talk to?”

“Well, I don’t feel pain, so they would take me apart, and almost get me atomized, and then put back together, but I would still be able to speak, and whatnot, so I definitely made them enjoy my witty commentary. There was that one doctor chick. Don’t remember the name, but she had the dorkiest laugh. Every time I would comment on them taking me apart again, she would laugh. She probably got reassigned because of that. Getting too close to the subject and all that. And looking back on it, if you laugh at the joke ‘Hey baby, I hear there’s a party coming up, and I have no body to go with. Wanna go with me?’ while I am just a piece of skull on a table, they must really like you. Shame too. She was a looker. After that, all that was left was sweaty, fat guys in coffee stained lab coats. There was this one particular tubbo, he was the nastiest piece of work. He was balding, but just on top, he had the largest boil on his forehead, and his sweat stains would soak through the lab coat, even. He had the worst, most evil attitude! He would put his cup on my skull, and hold me in his greasy, little, fat hand. Would even sit on me. And then when I would tell the other people there he would say things like ‘Would you really believe what this freak of nature says? Why would I sit on it?’ and it would always work! I bet if that chick doctor was there, she would have believed me! But no! He was the replacement for her!”

“He really does sound awful. Why didn’t you talk to the leader of the settlement about him?”

“You think the general would go down to where all his lowly science dudes were? Nah, he’d stay up in his office/suite, and just have the people bring him food and news, while he sent his assistant down to give orders.”

“And you didn’t talk to that person? Why not?”

“Not due to a lack of trying, I’ll definitely tell you that! Nah, they would always put me in a box whenever they expected someone important to come. Can’t let the ‘big, bad, evil skeleton’ do anything to our dear leaders!”

“Wait, if you were taken apart, who put you back together, so you could escape? I get the sense that you can’t move then taken apart.”

“Oh, I can, I just didn’t. I can actually control every bone in the body individually. Here, watch” and I take my left fist into my right hand, detach is, and chuck it over the pond’s surface. Right before it hit the water, I stopped the bones midair, and pulled them back to me. “I can only really pull the pieces closer, and not much else. And even this took me many years to figure out.”

“That’s witchcraft! How did you do that?”

“I mean, magic doesn’t exist, so not witchcraft. I can control the bones in my body, so I am put together again, but nothing else.”

“Even so, this really is reminiscent of magic. Can you do it to other people’s bones too?”

“Nah, have to consider the bone a part of me. I guess, technically, if I just go crazy and decide, and fully believe, that all bones on the planet belonged to me, I could pull them closer and become this colossal mass of bones. I wonder if it will pull the people, or pull the bones only and leave the flesh. I guess it’s a good thing we’ll never find out, right? Ha!”

“That truly is a terrifying thought. Noone will be able to stop you, as you will be able to just control everyone.”

“Worse yet, since all bones will be mine, I will be the singular cause for the permanent extinction of all vertebrates on the planet! No more resets, no more people, no more big animals. Only me and the snails! That’s a little funny”

“I suspect we have different definitions of funny”

“Having consumed as much media as I have, you get numb to most things.”

We stood there in silence for a while. 

“I think I’ll go now” said the man. “I actually have an outing later tonight with this maiden that I fancy, so I need to polish my armor!”

“Wait, don’t tell me you plan to go dressed like That!”

“Is there anything wrong with my family’s armor? It was passed down for generations as an heirloom! Only the greatest of warriors have ever worn it, and now I have that same honor!”

“Oh for the love of everything that’s living still, you can’t expect to ask a girl out and then go dressed like you’re ready to slay her! Come here!” I pulled him closer and started undoing his armor straps. “You need to dress to impress, and I bet if I still had the ability to smell, you would reek! When’s the last time you took a shower?”

“I do not know that word, but I washed up just a few weeks ago, and I haven’t even fought anything.”

“A few weeks?! Jesus! I knew it! Help me out here! Take all this tin can stuff off! Oh, lord, there’s a chainmail underneath, what are you going to fight, a dragon?”

“No, you told me all of them died out. I am showing pride in my family’s name!”

“Yeah, no, I get that, but can’t you just wear, say, a nice set of clothes, and a cape with your family’s crest on the back? And like, the sword hanging at your side, if you reeeeeaally need it that bad.”

“... I suppose that would work, but I will have to requisition a cape made with my crest. Back in town there is a tailor, that I’ve heard does a fine work at things.”

“Now we’re talking! It’s too late now to get it done, but we can still dress you up a little better. Do you have any other clothes in that pack of yours?”

“Of course, I always keep a spare set. Have a look.”

“I suppose these will have to do, now start bathing!”

Took a while to get all the grime scrubbed off, and of course, I didn’t let him anywhere near my pond with that soap of his, just sent him down the stream a bit so he doesn’t contaminate anything. 

“You’re almost glowing!” I said. “I didn’t even realise your skin was that white!” 

“I know, it’s terrible! It’s a show of my sheltered life! I was never allowed to leave the walled off area around the house, and the only place I was allowed to explore was the small area in our garden where there were trees planted.”

“What are you talking about, you look great! If I were a chick, and still had any skin, I’d totally go for you. But let’s get you ready, put the clothes on... Great, and let’s shine those boots. Perfect. I have an idea for finishing the look, here” and I took just the chest plate from his armor and put it over his vest. “Now this way, you can show off your house emblem AND look like you’re going on a date. Do you have a flower guy?”

“I’m sorry? Ah! If I have anywhere to buy her a flower? No, why would I do that?”

“Are you kidding me? You like her, right?”

“Sure, she’s real pretty, and very smart.”

“And you want her to like you, right?”

“Of course. She would make a wonderful wife”

“Just don’t tell her that to her face. Okay, you need to get her a flower. Just give me a minute” and I dove back in the water. I picked some bright water-weeds, a few lili blossoms, some greens from the nearby willow, and wrapped them all up in a piece of parchment, tied together with a piece of string. “Here! Now you won’t look completely helpless”

“Thank you! This is amazing! I didn’t know you could make such beautiful things with flowers”

“Yeah, yeah, had time to read books on design, and learned a thing or two. Now! Before you do anything else, before you meet up with the girl, you go to that tailor, and you get him to make that cloak. You want it to be an over the shoulder kind, and go up to right above the butt, as that will show off what you’re working with, but also will have enough space for the house logo. And the over the shoulder type is what the nobles wear just about every reset, so it’s a good bet!”

“I will! Thank you again! I will tell you how it went, when I come over tomorrow! You will keep my armor safe, right?”

“You better! And duh, it's not like anyone ever comes here.”

"You have my gratitude!"

"Come on! Off you go!"

[blueinkeddoodle]

Efrain Harris: Mountain Hike

When they say the simplest hello can change life, I never pegged the hello he first threw at me twelve years ago can actually change my life.

Efrain Harris tailed behind his mother as both of them knocked on the door of my new house. His mother and mine have been friends long before fathers came into the picture. So, when she made her way as the first person in the neighborhood to come knocking on our door with blueberry pie in hand two days before the semester began was never a question. He said his hello once and before we knew forever or such term existed, we were the best of friends, impossibly separated.

Efrain became the guy whom I spent my entire childhood with, followed suit into teenage era and now as we barely passed the broken twenty; he still is the guy I spend my early adulthood with. He is the guy whom I spent lots and many more lots of first to come. For example, first mountain hike we ever did.

"You, idiot!" I snapped at his walking figure in urgent.

How can I not when it was two in the morning as we hiked Mount Ijen in complete darkness, bones freezing from the harsh cold temperature and he just had the nerve to fucking leave me alone? Because I was as slow as snail he said. Slow, my ass. "How many times do I have to remind you that not every single one of us have the all-access to the gym for their cardio rep every single morning?"

The sound of his laughter booming through the open space, each burning seconds getting louder. It seemed like he managed to get back where I stopped. The blinding light of the small torch he held spotlighted on me. "See? This is the exact reason why you can never skip your cardio session, love. Trust me when I bombarded your phone at the crack of dawn. It's only for the best of you." He said in very serious tone, but eyes betraying from the glint of mischief.

"Just don't with the pet name." I snarled, snatching the water bottle he was holding.

Just before I got the chance to sit my ass down, both his strong arms pulled me up. How on earth did he do that so easily? Wasn't he the slightest tired? "You'll get dirt on your pants. Besides, it'll take more time to reset as we start again. The trail will get worse but your body will need longer time to manage as much distance as we had just did." I exhaled quite tiredly. He may be an asshole most of the times, but trust him when he threw an advice.

"You really need to tell me if it's getting too hard, or if the burn on your limbs are too much to take. You hear me?" He said after a few seconds passed but I still needed a couple more minutes to even out my breath. I nodded, handing his water back as I got ready to start another walk. "You're... good to go?" He asked, one brow raised in pure curiosity.

"Yeah, let's just get this shit done." A small smirk appeared as I answered him so, a very smirk that announced his pride in me, the kind that said that's my girl. His hand held mine, fingers linking to each other, filling each empty space as if was the spaces made only for him.

A brotherly smile happened next. Something that shouldn't have felt this electrifying, like the burn after fireworks exploding on the bottom of your stomach, causing million of butterflies to create chaotic pitter patter from the clapping of its wings. Efrain is just my lifetime best friend, right? This shouldn't feel like it.

But then again, neither should a simple touch on the palm of my hand cause a havoc in my mind, like the question do you love me he threw carelessly at movie night after he stole your favorite Ben and Jerry's. The answer should be yes, I do in all the glory of best friends who had stuck all their lives together, nothing more.

The hiking trail never got any easier. If the first half was hell, the second half was even worse of hell and demon itself. The harder it got, the louder my whine got. But the fact that he did not complain even for the slightest bit actually warmed my heart.

The first ten minutes, swear to God I thought it had been thirty minutes, went by without my crack of voice. The trail was the hardest at this point. And even the sound of my panting breath was too much to take, let alone the burn I felt on my thighs. "Now that you got too quiet, you're still breathing right?" He cracked a joke.

It was supposed to be a joke, at least I thought it was. But the concern lacing on his eyes said otherwise. His right hand flew to my face fast, cupping my cheek only to see the color almost drained completely. "I'm fine. It's hard to even out my breathing while walking and talking at the same time." I said, shrugging his hand off just as the side of my face warmed up in crimson. It was just warmth from the tip of his hands, right?

He chuckled, "It will be just another round of that hairpin section and we'll get there." He encouraged me, a beautiful megawatt smile shone on the contrary of dark three-in-the-morning sky behind him.

It took us about another half an hour until we reached the place we desired. "I hope this blue fucking fire thing is worth it. I'm not doing two hours worth of walking just to inhale this much amount of sulfur." His laughter rang throughout the crowded crater.

"And here we welcome back the goddess of speech." He remarked, eyes crinkling to crescent from laughing. The same melodic laughter that caught my breath on my throat, heart stopped for millisecond before drumming out far too fast as if it was to burst out of my chest. I swore to God he would've heard that. "Come on, let's get a picture of you. Give me your best smile." He pulled the hand he was holding earlier so that I was standing in front of him a few feet away, where he thought the blue fire would be seen behind me in the photograph. He finally let my hand go for the first time that early morning. "There goes my favorite smile." He commented under his breath, hushed tone, I thought I wasn't supposed to hear that. As I heard multiple shutter sound, my smile got brighter at the thought of what I assumed to be mishearing.

The hour slowly passed by as we took some more pictures of us two. Crack of dawn opened up to not-seen sun rays from down where we were. But the sky went two tone lighter as the greyish mist and green crater made our landscape. It was indeed a beautiful background.

I was munching on my favorite bar of cookies and cream topped chocolate when suddenly he turned all serious in front of me. "I know this is bad timing. You probably still ran out of breath and you must hate me for ruining that favorite winter coat of yours," he said, motioning to the dark grey jacket I was wearing.

"Efrain, in case your hardly-used brain can't load the information I had so many times told you about, but the term people use for this piece of clothing is jacket. It's not winter coat." I deadpanned. "But you're right, I totally despise you for ruining my jacket. This now smells like shit." I cringed my nose in disgust.

"Fine, but you still need to hear me out. You're probably gonna hate me but, be mine?"

"What?"

He groaned out from frustration. This was the first time I had seen someone who confessed his feelings to the girl he loved, yet managed to not looking nervous. God, didn’t I deserve something sweeter? “See this why I hate you so much. You see, we’ve been with each other since we can remember and even if forever is too long to reach out, I’d rather have my own forever to spend with you. And I didn’t just say this because we’ve been friends for so long. But I did it because every time I look into your eyes, I see my future. There has never been a time I imagined my future and you weren’t a part of it.

"You’ve been with me from the time I had my best girlfriend to the worst one. And even the best one still can’t outshine the worst times I had with you. So help me out of this misery and just be mine already.”

I think it hasn’t hit me hardly that time when he confessed. For I didn’t feel the drumming of my heart ricocheting as if it was about to jump out of my chest. I didn’t feel the excitement or fireworks exploding around me. I just felt… warm.

It was the exact feeling when you soak into the bathtub of warm water and the smell of your favorite bathing oil had evaporated after a rough day. Or the feeling when you open your favorite coffee shop and your cup of ginger ale has been waiting. It was like coming to your childhood house on thanksgiving and smelling the turkey roast three houses away. It was like walking into a house and suddenly you’re home.

An unknown smile widened on my face, wide enough to reach from one ear to another. “You know it’s always been a yes, right?”

He pumped his fist in the air. Just as his soft, pink full lips landed on my forehead, there was another set of camera shutter sound. His smile was radiant, like always. The same one that I always see yet never failed to make the thumping on my heart goes crazy. “How’s that thing work?”

“Remotely controlled by my phone. I clicked that.”

Both eyebrows furrowed, even forehead contorted in confusion. “How?”

He rolled his eyes, “Seriously, love?” He asked in disbelief. “By infrared connection, of course. Did you really just ask that question? God, the girl who cracked his own Spotify account. I thought you’d be more tech savvy than that.”

“Shut up. You love me anyway.”

Another radiant, megawatt smile graced his lips. “Technically, I always do love you but right at this moment I just really hate to admit that.”

I would actually not believe if someone had told me the simplest hello can change a life, but right now, I just do. As innocent and as no harm can do as fourth-grader Efrain Harris said hello, I would never thought that he would also be the one to come to love.

Because the truth is, I never know when love really comes to me and I think no one does. For some, they claimed love knocks on their door early in the morning of terrible morning breath and bedhead but I don’t carefully listen to the sound of door knocks. Hell, I don’t even wake up in the morning if someone had been knocking. Because for me, love comes bringing its own key in the hue hour of midnight saying, “Love, you’re home?” As he made his way into my apartment.

I still had yet to decide if love feels like the fluttering of million butterflies on the lower part of my stomach when he smiles or the exploding fireworks as we kissed or the burning sensation that left as our hands touched. Because another time he smiles, I just feel warm or that time when he kissed me that didn’t leave me speechless just a tad bit tingling sensation for another kiss or the other time he held mine and just the itchy greed to never let it go.

But one thing I always knew, I am just glad that it turned out to be him in the end. I always know I love him, in the common sense of two people who spent their lives basically together, but I never knew it would escalated to love like this. But now that it is him, I think I just love how this turns out, for he has seen the worst of me and still manages to believe that the sun shines from my eyes, for these hands he holds and never once he has a doubt to never let them go.

Ending Note (Efrain Harris: Way Back Down)

If you thought the way up to the top of the mountain was hard, well the way back down wasn't any easier. It was around seven when we came down and as I marveled at the scenery around me (a beautiful one at that), I repeatedly asked myself 'would I have done this if it wasn't for the utter darkness around me'. Because seriously, I think I would've given up for I had seen the trail.

His hands casually wrapped around my shoulders that I had to cross my arms in front of my chest so that we still hands in hands. "When did you realize that you like me?" I asked.

"Seriously, like you? Love, I think the word like was an understatement. I never really realized when, because to be honest, I always have loved you and I do. I always knew it'd be you one way or another. Each breakup just put me in perspective that those girls will never be you. I kept comparing them with you, you're the standard. I just kinda realized that I cannot with someone else that's not you."

"Ah, so those series of drop dead gorgeous girls were just distraction? Or the wiser way to say were just transitions media?"

"If you said they're drop dead gorgeous, then how do you define yourself? Because I don't use the word perfect to define the creations of God."

"Stop being so cheesy, you idiot. It's impressive how you manage to only hear the part I described your exes instead of the question I was asking." I complained, to which just another megawatt smile of him was an answer. "So, you just kinda work up your courage from there? To confess? To ask me?"

"Courage? I never had to work the courage for that. I knew you'd take me. You look at me in a very different light than you looked at your exes. I knew you were in love with them, but then I always knew you love me way better."

"God, you're the cockiest guy I've ever found in my life, you know?"

"I know. And you're my favorite girl, the girl of my dream, you know that right?"

I scoffed. "You're so cheesy."

"But you love me." And dear God, yes, I do.

[resultnorth1-blog]

Kichadi: The Realistic Reset

Happy 2018 dear friends! I hope that you all had a restful and relaxing holiday, and that you’re ready to take on the new year.

As most of you know, the past few months have been all-over-the-place (literally) for my family and I, so I’ve been giving myself plenty of freedom when it comes to what I’m eating and how often I’m exercising. With my regular routines out the window, I’ve felt an immense sense of liberation – it’s great to let go once in a while! – but now it’s gotten to the point where my body is really craving some stability and grounding, especially after the holidays. Sometimes I like to go drastic and embark on a 10-day juice fast or something like it, but my body and my mind aren’t feeling a hard-core anything at the moment, so I’m turning to kichadi to gently ease my way back into eating with more balance.

Kichadi, sometimes called and spelled khichdi, kitchari, kitcheree or khichri, is the famous one-pot wonder Indian dish that combines rice and lentils or quick-cooking pulses or legumes, such as mung beans. Its best known in Ayurvedic tradition as a cleansing and complete protein meal, very easy to digest, and a cinch to make! It is delicious, super comfort food, and even if you’re not down with eating the exact same thing for every meal for several days in a row, you’ll be thrilled to learn it’s also the perfect thing to tuck into on a cold winter night.

Because of its simplicity and ease, many people find that doing a kichadi “mono-diet” is very pleasant and far less of an ordeal than a juice fast for example (although I need to be clear that a juice fast is far deeper and more effective). Taking three to seven days to eat this dish exclusively gives the digestive organs a serious break since kichadi is very easy to break down and assimilate. And because digestion is at the core of human health, putting a practice in place that supports this essential process makes room for the miracle of self-healing: something the body is constantly striving for, but often distracted from by poor dietary and lifestyle choices. When we forgo processed foods, alcohol, caffeine, and common allergens for a few days, we give our bodies the space it needs to do what it naturally does anyway: clean itself up!

I like to eat a kichadi diet in the colder months when the weather is unfriendly and I need some reassuring, grounding, warm food – and juicing sounds about as fun as a hole in the head. It’s also a wonderful way to glide yourself into the process of cleansing if you’ve never tried it before. Since it doesn’t involve abstaining from food, most first-timers find it totally do-able, and dare I say it, enjoyable! I’ve just completed three days of eating kichadi for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I’m feeling sooo much more balanced, clear-headed, and energized – the ways I would like to feel at the beginning of a brand new year! I hope that this simple and realistic reset is up your alley, and that you give it a go.

First things first, you’re going to need to do a bit of planning for the kichadi diet. Set a realistic goal for yourself – ideally you’ll be eating this dish for at least three days, up to seven, but if one is all you can handle, that is okay too. Since you’re eating throughout this practice, going about your regular life is usually fine, but if you want to go the extra mile and give yourself a real treat, do the kichadi diet over a long weekend or break from work so that you can focus on some other cleanse-enriching experiences, such as a massage, a sauna visit, daytime napping, reading an actual book, and maybe even going offline completely. Gasp! I started my kichadi diet on a Monday and carried out my normal routine with work and family life, and just made sure to give myself lots of juicy personal time in the evenings (essential oil bath, yin yoga sesh, early lights out etc.). Aside from a cleanse-classic mood swing on the last day, no one around me even noticed what I was doing. Since they were too busy eating pizza.   

Before you begin you’ll want to start by cutting back on alcohol, caffeine, sugar, meat, dairy, processed foods, and anything else you know is throwing you off balance. If you abstain from these things for at least a couple of days before you begin, your experience will be much smoother, as you won’t be distracted by gnarly withdrawal symptoms while you’re trying to chill. You can also add any bad habits you have to your hit list, and reduce or eliminate the daily practices that aren’t making your life extra groovy.

Whatever day you are starting the kichadi on, soak the rice and pulses / legumes together the night before. This step is important for improving the digestive qualities of kichadi, but if you are really pressed for time or you forgot, get them in water as soon as you can. Remember that even soaking for an hour is better than nothing! Cook the kichadi daily if possible, since the fresher the food is, the more energy, or “prana” it contains. My recipe makes about six servings for my appetite (eight for people who eat less) and I can easily stretch one batch over two days if no one else in my family wants it. Regardless, you’ll have to make at least two batches if you’re going for three days, and I would not recommend keeping kichadi around for longer than that. Freezing is an option, but freeze it in the portion size you’d want to eat so that you’re not heating more than you need at one sitting.

       Daily routine The night before: soak the rice and pulses together in plenty of filtered water overnight.

Morning: upon rising, drink a large glass of warm water with freshly squeezed lemon juice, followed by another glass of pure water. Make your first batch of kichadi, and enjoy it for breakfast. Store leftovers in the fridge.

Midday: Drink a couple large glasses of water at least 30 minutes before eating. Heat your desired amount of kichadi and enjoy it for lunch.

Evening: Drink a couple large glasses of water at least 30 minutes before eating. Heat your desired amount of kichadi and enjoy it for dinner.

Night time: Drink a cup of herbal detox tea if desired, enjoy something that nourishes you (bath, meditation, stretching) and go to bed early.

Repeat for three to seven days.

Kichadi Reset tips 1. Eat when you’re hungry. This may seem like an obvious one, but many people eat according to the clock, instead of listening to their bodies. Take these days to really tune in and see when your body actually desires food, and how much you need to eat to feel satisfied. When you feel real hunger, your body is giving you the signal that it is actually ready to receive.

2. Cook mindfully. Remember that cooking is something to be grateful for. If you normally approach cooking from a “let’s get this over with” standpoint, use this opportunity to make your meal prep a ceremony, and see it as a gift to yourself. Take your time washing and cutting vegetables, delight in the sound of the spices popping, the scent that wafts up while you’re peeling ginger. The attention and intention you put into your food will come back to you, and nourish you in ways that you never thought possible.

3. Keep things interesting, by adding a squeeze of lime instead of lemon to your kichadi. You can use parsley instead of cilantro, and adjust the spices to suit your personal taste. If you really need some variety, top the kichadi with some of your favourite sprouts, grated raw carrot, or fold in some spinach while it’s still hot.

4. Cravings are normal, especially when you’re knowingly depriving yourself! If you feel a craving coming on, first identify what the craving is. Be curious…maybe it has nothing to do with the food, but more your emotional or mental state. If you really can’t shake the feeling, drink water first, then try a piece of fruit, or some raw veggie sticks.

5. Drink a lot of water. The body functions optimally when properly hydrated. It is especially important when we’re resetting, since we’re letting go of things that need to be flushed out. Water is essential to this process, but it will also prevent cravings, combat fatigue and brain fog, and keep the bowels moving. Remember to drink water away from mealtimes for optimal digestion (30 minutes before eating, 2-3 hours after unless you’re very thirsty). Other beverages, even if they are “mostly water” like coffee and tea, are not water. Only water is water.

After the Kichadi diet Although it is extremely tempting to celebrate and indulge after denying oneself certain things, this is not the best time to do so. Even though this process keeps your digestive system humming along, your body is still in a sensitive place. Introduce new foods slowly, and keep combinations small and uncomplicated (i.e. don’t have a meal with 20 different foods together). Limit meat, dairy, sugar, and processed foods for as long as possible. That congratulatory slice of cake should wait until you’re pretty much back to “normal”, or maybe even find an alternative ; )

    Print recipe    

Simple and Cleansing Kichadi Serves 6-8

Ingredients: 1 Tbsp. coconut oil or ghee ½ Tbsp. cumin seeds ½ Tbsp. mustard seeds ½ Tbsp. coriander seeds ½ tsp. ground turmeric 1 cinnamon stick 1-2 Tbsp. minced ginger (to taste) 1 large tomato, chopped (optional) 2 medium yellow onion, diced 2 medium carrots, chopped 1 small / 250g sweet potato (or other seasonal root veggie), chopped 1 cup / 200g brown rice ½ cup / 110g mung beans or brown lentils 1 tsp. fine grain sea salt 1 cup / 140g green peas, frozen or fresh 4 cups / 1L water (or more, as needed) a couple handfuls finely chopped cilantro lemon to garnish

Directions: 1. If possible, soak the rice and pulses together overnight, or for 8-12 hours. Drain and rinse very well.

2. Melt the oil in a large stockpot. Add the cumin and mustard seed and fry just until the mustard seeds start to pop. Add the remaining spices, stir and then add the tomato and ginger (if you’re opting out of the tomato, simply use a few splashes of water). Fry for a couple minutes until fragrant.

3. Add the onion, carrots, sweet potato, brown rice, mung beans, salt, and water. Bring to a boil, reduce to simmer and cook for about 45 minutes, until the rice and beans are soft. About five minutes before serving, add the peas whether fresh or frozen, and cook until they are warm. Add more water for a stew-y consistency, or if the pot becomes dry while cooking.

4. Serve kichadi hot, garnished with cilantro and a squeeze of fresh lemon juice. Give thanks and enjoy.

I hope that many of you try the kichadi diet out, and rejoice in the fact that there is no need to do something radical and overly deprivational during the winter. This is a time for closing in, for being quiet and gentle, and nourishing oneself in a tender way. And remember, you can enjoy this delicious kichadi even for a day, and any season of the year when you need to find your equilibrium once again. It’s a tasty way to come back to center, every time, anytime.

In health, vibrancy, and abundance for the year ahead, Sarah B.

Show me your kichadi on Instagram: #mnrkichadi

Source: https://www.mynewroots.org/site/2018/01/kichadi-realistic-reset/