#anyway... you think the trailer didn't constantly devastate me you're wrong; but I just turned myself off and worked... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

medicinemane · 2 years

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Anyway, kind of don't want want my house decorated in old lady kitsch or to be dressed in nouveau riche pensioner chic

May shock you, but I find that kind of insulting and want to fill my house with my own shit and figuring out making my own clothes so I can wear something nice that I like that isn't just overpriced plastic that falls apart instantly

#the kitsch isn't stuff I hate it's just not stuff for me #I'll probably just give it away over the years being like #'like don't feel forced to take it; but that's why I have it; so if you like it give it a good loving home like I can't'#like there's a little dinosaur fellow who is a cookie jar and he's nice... but he's living on a bottom shelf in the pantry #I'd love it if someone I liked saw him and loved him and took him home and put him front and center somewhere #they could send me a picture and I'd be happy for him and I'd have more room #I love my stuff; I want it to be happy and properly loved... I can't do that for most of it #I want to repair it all and the ones I can't properly love find the right home for #it actually... it actually hurts me a lot how things are but... what can you do but keep moving forward #I just kind of ignore it #my mom was constantly having breakdowns during cleaning up the trailer but like me...#you think it didn't shred me instead seeing all this stuff I loved or wanted to love but... like there's this really beautiful lamp I have #don't think I can keep it cause too much pain from my mom that's held for me in it #need to find it a good home; cause it's great... I'm just kind of too broken to hold it ever #anyway... you think the trailer didn't constantly devastate me you're wrong; but I just turned myself off and worked...#just can't have feelings when there's work to be done; can't think; you just take care of it if you want hope for a time to deal with it #I still can't deal with it; but if I get stuff fixed up... well... probably just pass it to others and still not deal with it #repression is what holds me together for sure; don't mess with a working system #hopefully some day I manage to just kill my personality and become an automaton doing the tasks I want done #but for now repression works #mm tag so i can find things later

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