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#but for now repression works
medicinemane · 2 years
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Anyway, kind of don't want want my house decorated in old lady kitsch or to be dressed in nouveau riche pensioner chic
May shock you, but I find that kind of insulting and want to fill my house with my own shit and figuring out making my own clothes so I can wear something nice that I like that isn't just overpriced plastic that falls apart instantly
#the kitsch isn't stuff I hate it's just not stuff for me#I'll probably just give it away over the years being like#'like don't feel forced to take it; but that's why I have it; so if you like it give it a good loving home like I can't'#like there's a little dinosaur fellow who is a cookie jar and he's nice... but he's living on a bottom shelf in the pantry#I'd love it if someone I liked saw him and loved him and took him home and put him front and center somewhere#they could send me a picture and I'd be happy for him and I'd have more room#I love my stuff; I want it to be happy and properly loved... I can't do that for most of it#I want to repair it all and the ones I can't properly love find the right home for#it actually... it actually hurts me a lot how things are but... what can you do but keep moving forward#I just kind of ignore it#my mom was constantly having breakdowns during cleaning up the trailer but like me...#you think it didn't shred me instead seeing all this stuff I loved or wanted to love but... like there's this really beautiful lamp I have#don't think I can keep it cause too much pain from my mom that's held for me in it#need to find it a good home; cause it's great... I'm just kind of too broken to hold it ever#anyway... you think the trailer didn't constantly devastate me you're wrong; but I just turned myself off and worked...#just can't have feelings when there's work to be done; can't think; you just take care of it if you want hope for a time to deal with it#I still can't deal with it; but if I get stuff fixed up... well... probably just pass it to others and still not deal with it#repression is what holds me together for sure; don't mess with a working system#hopefully some day I manage to just kill my personality and become an automaton doing the tasks I want done#but for now repression works#mm tag so i can find things later
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dumbfucksystem · 3 months
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i keep thinking about the fact that unlike sy (who never even thought about how his family might feel about him dying), airplane actually had the option to go back to his family and ultimately decided not to.
like imagine being a parent and finding out that your child chose a life that didn’t have you in it.
just think about the guilt that his parents must have felt when they heard the news. each of them are enjoying time with their new families, but they haven’t spoken to their son in a while. he’s in college though so he’s probably fine. he’s not reaching out saying that he needs help or money or anything though he never asked for much when he was home either.
then they get the call. and they find out that he died alone in his apartment. he was electrocuted while trying to salvage his laptop. and they think he didn’t have to die this way. he never asked them for anything, and now they know that he desperately needed them. he never mentioned how much he struggled, and maybe he would have if they had been in contact more often. but they were too caught up in their own lives to pay attention to him.
no parent should have to out-live their child, but they distanced themselves so much from him that they couldn’t even be there for him when he died.
cough your child could have lived a long, happy, & healthy life and eventually die of old age surrounded by people they love. but instead he died when he was young and alone because he didn’t feel comfortable sharing his problems with you cough cough
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Being silly.
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SIKE! THIS WAS AN AD FOR MY NEW FIC THE WHOLE TIME. Boy I had you fooled. Anywho, here’s the summary along with the tags.
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: SMG3 & SMG4 (SuperMarioGlitchy4)
Characters: SMG4 (SuperMarioGlitchy4), SMG3 (SuperMarioGlitchy4), Mr. Puzzles (SuperMarioGlitchy4), Bob Bobowski (SMG4), Fishy Boopkins (SMG4), Meggy Spletzer (SuperMarioGlitchy4), Tari (SuperMarioGlitchy4), Luigi (Nintendo)
Additional Tags: Little Mr. Puzzles is very important to me, Cannon typical shenanigans, SMG34 if you squint, Relationships aren't the focus tho, Takes place in the middle of the Puzzlevision movie, Little Puzzles is like 11 to me and will be written as such, May have projected my adhd onto him a tad, No beta we die like Axol did, Angst, Relatively new to the fandom, Anon is on because I'm a nervous person, The SMGs and Mini Puzzles are the main focus
Summary:
SMG4 and 3 escape one channel, just to be hit completely off track and fall into a seemingly endless void.
After meeting the floor, they find themselves in a room with a shadow like memory of a child, who is ecstatic to have finally made some friends.
If you’ve been wanting to see more Mini Puzzles centered fics like me, then consider reading.
And as much as I like thinking of interactions between Mini Puzzles and Mr. Puzzles, they won’t be seeing each other in the fic for a while 😔
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crplpunkklavier · 1 year
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this has probably all been said before but people who act like phoenix only started lying in aa4 or post disbarment make me laugh. the trick he pulled with the trump card was to present a piece of evidence as something its not, to trip up the killer and make them stumble into a confession. WHICH, YES, isnt exactly GOOD conduct. but its literally not the first time he has done that EXACT same scheme.
Tigre: I can see straight through you, Phoenix Wright! That ain't the bottle with the cyanide in it. Phoenix: No, no. This is the bottle we found traces of the poison in. Tigre: Don't mess with The Tiger or you're gonna get ripped to shreds! The cyanide bottle was brown. And it was made of glass. That cheap piece of trash don't look nothin' like it!
sure, he didn't forge that piece of evidence. but he took a piece of evidence from the scene and presented it as something it wasn't, and they very kindly call it a "bluff" in recipe for turnabout, but it is a straight up lie. phoenix went on record in a court of law saying that this is a bottle of poison, while he and the prosecution and the judge verifiably KNEW that wasn't true. it was a means to an end and it worked. but phoenix lied.
obviously it was a real dick move to give apollo that card and risk HIS career for his own agenda, but that's not exactly new behavior either? this guy formally indicted wendy oldbag of murder in the very first game to buy himself some more time. and yeah, he needed that to win the case, and we all thought it was haha funny because it's just wendy oldbag. but if you translate that into real life, can you fuckin imagine?? they took her into custody. she lost her job after that trial.
he's always been a bitch bastard is what i'm saying. i love him dearly. none of that shit was okay. it's just more noticable in aa4 because he stopped wearing a suit while he cons people. and also because apollo punches him in the face for it
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fumifooms · 4 months
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Honestly I wonder if anyone’s ever read Chilchuck’s “I cheated on her” admission as an implicit reference to prioritizing alcohol over his marriage and feeling guilty abt it.
Ohh… "I cheated on her" as a half-truth because something ended up taking priority over their marriage, because emotionally he was elsewhere… "I cheated on her" because after having all the time in the world to think about it now that he’s alone, he realizes that that might have been how she felt, and that’s how it felt like to him too.
Love that. I def think he’s ironically someone who deflects guilt a lot, in a similar way that he compulsively goes "You’re wrong! I don’t care about you guys at all! I’m an asshole!" he flees emotions by making the problem something else that’s fake, a burden easier to bear, he’s so used to being seen for what he’s not after all. I went into it a bit in one of my fics and in a couple meta posts, but when it comes to his wife he was very much like an ostrich with his head in the sand, seeing her fall into a bad mood on the outing before she left him but dismissing it as something "sudden" that’s not worth thinking deeper about. Overdrinking is a problem for future Chil. I think he did a lot of "You want me to drink less and you’re afraid for my health? Get over it lol" and "I should be less strict with the girls and raise my voice less? My father was a strict drunk and look at me, I turned out functional and great! The girls are literally fine and love me" and "Oh? My drinking is affecting our family? No it’s not smh smh get off my back"< Drunk a significant portion of the time he spends at home since he’s off-work and somewhere he can relax. Type of guy to always dismiss any issues that might exists because he prefers ignoring them as if they’ll go away. All his problem solving energy is spent during work and the issue is with his family he already likes things as they are, they’re his comfort zone and change is scary, he doesn’t want the change, even if it’d be better. He doesn’t want to change, his unhealthy habits are guilty pleasures he wishes people didn’t try to make him feel guilty for
BUT POINT IS he struggles with guilt and like. Letting it be a feeling that he gets sometimes, so it’s all bottled up and festers and gets twisted into frustration or such like how his worry usually does. I like this take, wether it’s something he’s already thought a lot about or it’s something he’s repressed that came suddenly pouring out of him like blood out of a wound, now that he’s putting it into words with someone for maybe the first time.
It’s interesting how he didn’t refuse going up to the bicorn, I’m sure part of him wanted to see if it would like him, like the virtue test it is. Would a monster that loves despicable men be magnetized to him? Would it confirm his fears?
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notokbutthriving · 5 months
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Lunar as the 'man in the suit'
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anna-scribbles · 6 months
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h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work
unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion
#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad#because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid#i’m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now i’ve eaten something and we’re so back#i also don’t really do caffeine. except sometimes i’ll go get one of those panera death lemonades#i might be able to snag a short nap before work#but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen#WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE#well. okay whatever i’m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway#OKAY i’m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure i’m not lying. because i’m normal.#anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how it’s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently#emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it#and i’m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and that’s how he got his start in the fashion industry#so now i’m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever?#and that’s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this??#also i just checked and it doesn’t say emilie’s last name in the credits and also it’s ‘graham films’ with the twin rings logo m#so i’m assuming she’s still emilie graham de vanily at that point#anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari#after escaping her british nobility life#and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course.#and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone she’s ever known#and he’s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates.#and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time#also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w#but at least he’s still obsessed with her#this is what i was thinking about during class today. i don’t know how i get anything done either.#ml#anna rambles#asks
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anonymocha · 5 months
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Having internalized lesbophobia is so funny because I find JOY in liking women but then feel guilty about that too, like what the hell; That’s like the opposite of what I’m trying to do, come on 😭 We’re back to square one 😭 Unlearn shame and guilt 😭 Girl 😭
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cryptidm0ths · 4 months
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Vvvvvv messy doodles of magical girl au
#enstars#crazy b#crazy magic b#<- temporary name#euu wont tag more than that#now for rambles sooooo my main concept idea is a world with magical girls(gender neutral i still need to thing about how everything#interacts with gender and genre expectations#id say for now gender neutral with outfit aesthetics influenced more by the magic giving entity)#so magical girls choosen seemingly at random by some entity to protect the area from creature which are the manifestation of repressed#desires and dreams gone rotten#and so our characters have to defeat these monsters and purify the person/give them back their dreams/want to live#and so your standard magical girl focuses on purifying and giving people their dreams#idk if that makes sense#euuu not much is known about magical girls and how they work and one of the main theories is that magical girls are born when a persons#dreams and desires grow strong enought that they crystallise in magic powers#idk trust me so if you want something as much as you can and work on in in pure acts of love you too can be a magical girl#euuu ill reread the war tm to better write this but#i just visualise these flavour of magical girl like the idols of eichis dreams#crazy b stand a little to the left rinne positing that euu things blabla live life to your fullest feel your emotions allow yourself to be#alive a pure dream is nice if the rest of your emotions and wants are ignored they will rot (i need to reread the main story and nightclub)#yea euu ill make it coherent when im not bone tired#moth draws
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halfdent · 27 days
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Okay okay last thing but these panels are my favorite thing to have come out of the newer stuff and very much inspires my writing for harv and twos dynamic
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nico-di-genova · 1 month
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There is actually so much comfort in taking all the pieces of myself that I pushed down and ignored, in favor of crafting a new image of myself, and looking at them in a new light.
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valyrfia · 9 months
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HAND OVER THE FF LESTAPPEN
alright, check it out
Charles blames the Instagram algorithm, when one day she’s scrolling aimlessly only to come across pictures of Max Verstappen in a bikini. 
Max lounging on her stomach across a sunbed under the European sun next to a cerulean sea, the band of her dark blue bikini riding up, sitting snug across her muscular shoulders peppered with moles and the unmistakable shape of a fading wine-coloured mark high up on the curve of her shoulder that makes something in Charles's throat curdle and sets something strange and deep in her core alight.
She sends it to Pierre immediately, because of course she does. 
Charles Look at this shit. She probably called the paps on herself. 
And that’s the odd feeling deep in her stomach, it’s anger, the fact that Max can be snapped near naked on a strange foreign beach without consequence and Charles has to be careful that the knee-length skirt she wears on errands in Monaco doesn’t get blown up, lest she gets another embarrassing lecture from Mattia on her public image. Be careful Charletta, he would say, Santina is a better nickname than Puttana. Puttana, a fitting word to describe Max’s recent endeavours, really. Charles’s socials have been pushing her the pictures all week. Max outside bars, hanging onto tall men who make more in a year than Charles would care to mention, their young pretty wives off to the side with them, seemingly resigned to the fate of what’s happening. After all, who could compete with Max Verstappen, champion of the world?
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crypticmoth-art · 24 days
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Watched Wilde Monday night and Maurice last night, so obviously I am doing great.
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heartslobbf · 1 year
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being deranged about azure paler than the sky again. like girl i am literally all mysteries in creation near and far far and near i am all the mysteries (because i am a closeted lesbian). the representation of my lesbianism was cut from around my neck, symbolising both a violent attempt to ‘correct’ my identity and my own personal realisation that my infatuation with a girl is making me loathe that identity. it agonises me. i forfeit my duel because i realise i cannot exist in this system as i am, and i want to be that even as it is painful and unfulfilling. the symbol of holy matrimony and heteronormativity literally weeps over me for making this choice. i make it anyway. i am all mysteries in creation. ALSO, the utenanthy bedroom scene that episode is maddening to me and juri’s car sequence is one of my ult faves and all the imagery this episode (the chairs!!!!!!!) is on point, as with all juri episodes. also i am all mysteries in creation btw
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fumifooms · 5 months
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Heyoooo. I wanted to say, I'm sorry about that mean-ass, insulting anon you got a while back. That ask ended up pissing me off so bad I ended up actually reading your Marchil analysis posts. Originally, I was meh and kinda confused when the ship showed up in Ao3 because I didn't see what people liked about it. Reading your posts about how they were narrative foils opened my mind more, and I realized, Oh shit yeah there's a lot of potential in this ship for how these two can develop each other.
Part 2: Marcille and Chilchuck may not have scenes like the infamous bath scene with Farlin, but the concept of someone who's terrified of being alone, the reality of her friends' mortality, a hopeless romantic catching feelings for a repressed, divorced man whose wife left him--okay yeah, I absolutely understand the appeal of this ship. Marcille would be like, Why the fuck is my heart thrumming for this sharp-tongued bitch, and also the terror from falling in love with someone so short-lived Part 3: Either way, love your analysis posts. I am going to be contemplating the potential of Marcille and Chilchuck for a long while. There is something so tragically sweet about it
You get it, you really do… I could list off everything I love about them but I’d be here forever because it’s literally everything and there are so many fun ways to spin it… You’re very right about them being tragically sweet, overall where their arcs meet the most is "Loving is something worth doing even with the risk of loss", and I say risk but really it’s more the inevitable eventuality of it as canon does love to point out. If you want the reward of being loved you must go through the mortifying ordeal of being known. No love however brief is wasted. Let me see you and stay. It’s very much sort of the final boss to their arcs for them to get invested in each other in such a way, to get involved romantically— emotionally with someone knowing what’s coming and that she barely has two decades left with him (who mistreats his health so much he very well could die early), and to shoot your shot for something new with hope in your heart and enough confidence that you’re worth loving. He’s not a prince charming but to her he sort of is, all virtuous husband this reliable dependable Chilchuck that, all "you may be flawed but I’ll still romanticize your qualities and convince you that you and your love for your beloved are something worth fighting for".
What if I was old bread that solidified to be hard as rock and you were like warm soup and by soaking in your presence I softened……… What if you stubbornly grew on me like yeast and it brought out my flavor like beer as I opened up and allowed you in………. What if your hair was golden, the epitome of beauty to me, and my hair turned silver, your worst nightmare……. I think about them a normal amount
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quietwingsinthesky · 5 months
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morally i can’t agree with the relentless queercoding of villains to make them seem more threatening to the straight heroes. on the other hand im only human and when the predatory gay villain starts being seductive i go awooogaaa 👁️👄👁️ more please
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