#anyways if anyone brings up the related theory to me im gonna eat you dont come near me with that fucking thing

[vvillainousthing]

To Christen this new blog, Im here to say one thing and its that i firmly believe that in the time Goldheart and Flug were actively archnemesis, they defo fucked nasty at least once

[unproduciblesmackdown]

oh, continuing on from too-long, incoherent post made hours ago when nobody was online, obvs, No-Friends Club members put ur hands in—

one weird thing i remembered is the Experience of like, time to put interpersonal boundaries in place by setting boundaries on My Own Emotions, you know what i’m saying! like for example the Cold Math issue of having no friends, where like, you have a few ppl who talk with you, and just like, thanks to proportions and statistics alone, on your end its like thank god for these noble few who are each like, 490% of the good interactions you get in life, the beautiful line of defense between you and utter isolation, and on their end its gonna be like, you’re a person they talk to sometimes. and that’s too easy to forget sometimes so i just commit to remembering it, and like, deliberately Not getting overenthused/overinvested about it, cuz it’s just not fun to sorta put the cart before the horse and then have the repeated realization that you’re really not going to be an official friend or whatever or that significant a figure in other ppl’s lives. rough!! you know what i’m talking about re: this experience?

it’s just tricky and i don’t even entirely have a handle on it to this day (tho a way better handle on it than when i had to figure out how this situation worked years ago) in part cuz like, actually, despite having been isolated in varying degrees for like, basically my whole life except less during college tho i often had Big Lonely problems then too, despite that and also despite anxiety ishes (issues) and discomfort with social situations sometimes for other reasons, i’m like, actually a real social person when its the kind of social setup i Can be comfortable with, which is a decent variety imo. and i really like people actually, if they arent terrible, and i really like interacting with them If They Arent Terrible, and in theory i would Love to have friends and that’s always been true. and im an enthusiastic and passionate person, what can i say, so it’s a funky time having to reign that in when yknow, generally, like “oh im excited to have a friend” should be a wholly positive sentiment that’s not gonna burn you as long as the other person isn’t evil. but! i do gotta rein in that sentiment. like settle down. like i was saying before about not “hoping” to have friends technically even tho of course i’d always like to and like, if anything erring on the side of caution and not being like, oh yeah these ppl who interact on occasion / amicably with me are my friends. undersell myself eh. if i have friends i’ll try to figure it out after the fact rather than overestimate connections and be disappointed ad infinitum or what have u

also! bring it tf in for ppl with “weird” social skills! losers since preschool or whenever you started being around groups of your age peers! having the intangible Vibe that ppl pick up on and you get sort of socially written off or the Sort-Of-Contempt which is loads of fun. and kind of operating on slightly different frequencies communication wise, or having your social / behavioral cues be misread b/c its not the “normal” meaning, all that kinda thing, so that your Trying To Be Friendly might be Weird In A Bad Way to other ppl, or your social discomfort getting read as “they don’t like us” instead of “they aren’t comfortable with some aspects of this situation”, etc etc etc.....it’s a bummer cuz like, thank god for online socialization b/c in a lot of ways for a lot of reasons its so much more doable for me, but there’s still ways it has downsides, like, i don’t like groupchats which is like, synonymous with We’re Actual Friends Now, so, tough break for me there, and i don’t often start talking to ppl b/c i don’t assume any particular individual would be interested in that and it takes ages for it to occur to me that anyone might, and i don’t think i always am that good at writing my thoughts and also just like In Person i often don’t know what/how to say things even with zero pressure and also just like in person i can be sort of cagey and Underwhelming......whereas IN person i can actually be chatty as fuck and often overtalkative and i like to Get Silly and all that shit. not to say im not underwhelming in person, too! cuz yeah most of the time im overly quiet and people are surprised when i talk or when i make reference to the fact i have Big Opinions and big emotions b/c they thought i just had an equally quiet inner world i guess lol.......like yeah!! on one hand i’m like woops im fucking this up cuz im holding back and on the other hand its like uh oh now im making a mess cuz when i dont hold back im generally not In Accordance With Ppls Tastes And Preferences cuz im being too much. sort of lose-lose-lose. me and cats are the same. also i ought to be better at initiating conversation but i’m crap at it cuz im like, lowkey constant assumption that if ppl arent talking to me they don’t want to and it’d be annoying to say something, which is not Correct. but also i’m always nervous and nervous about ppl. oh well, we’ll get there maybe

anyways i like when characters have no friends and it’s not for lack of trying/wanting them!! it’s a weird experience and ya love that Relatable Material. like its funny alana calling everyone “acquaintances” cuz im out here doing that already lol my friendly acquaintances......like ideally yeah it’d be nice to have close friends but i do appreciate Being A Casual Fixture On The Perimeters Of Someone’s Life And Maybe Sometimes I Get To Be A Small Positive Experience In Their Existence for what it is, but it Is fairly depressing being the fleeting NPC in the outer / tangential orbits of mostly everybody who knows you. c’est la vie!!!! it is both good and not good. anyway back to acquaintances. yeah like seeing that “earnest efforts to have friends but it fails for various reasons” is fun cuz like yeah!! population: Same! though i’ve never really been like that specific character. i also like the book “the murder of bindy mackenzie” and the character is kind of like alana’s too. an academically supersuccessful girl who tries to reach out to her peers but her methods don’t work and she’s misreading others and others are misreading her and she’s distressed about various aspects of her life and also, someone’s trying to kill her. though i wasn’t too much like those other characters either. i feel like luna lovegood makes the list, on account of she like, is just nice and friendly but nobody likes her because of apparently weird interests which shouldnt be considered weird but i guess that was a probably-accidental commentary on how arbitrary Social Acceptability can be, and also because she is sort of unusual in terms of her average demeanor, and that’s not really reason not to like her but not only does she have no friends but also people are just sort of mean to her. feels real man! fondly recalling the times i’ve had to realize in retrospect that people were actually making fun of me...etc etc...other depressing things......and shoutout to the black suits for having that collective representation of varying ways to be a weird dumbass with Issues who nobody likes. very meta that i’ve wished i could be in a shitty for-fun high school garage band for the Hanging Out With Friends aspect of it alone. nato is also great representation for “superlative academic performance but doesn’t actually care about school and only cares about like, a snail he saw today, and being a weird goofaround loser 24/7”

where was i going with this!! just adding on more ideas i guess. Tumblr Mobile Don’t Eat My Post. other lifelong members of the no-friends-and-it-sucks club @ me!! struggling with figuring out how to at least feel more okay with your crappy social experience because there’s no real way to feel good about it but we’re at least trying to feel less bad, @ me! we’re valid and we’re Didn’t Ask For This But Here We Are