#anyways now that those stupid tags are out of the way t HIS MEME KILLS ME

[vt-scribbles]

[dolphinitley]

Jacob Seed/F!Dep Fic

“Love Like Revenge” Chapter 8

AO3

Word count: 1,648

Warnings: PTSD symptoms

I felt like calling Em "Rook" in this chapter. Got some fluffy stuff plus anxiety when the nukes drop. 

Tagging @johnseedsplane @colorguardian18 for last line meme. Also general tag: @theeonlyroman @flyawayturtle @angrylittlebean @liilaac @they-are-not-just-stories @zacklover24

Thanks for reading and plz comment :D

Rook and her big orange cat Tommy sat on the couch and watched a movie she thought might make her feel better, but her mind was still on Jacob. His 1911 was in a dresser drawer in her bedroom.

This morning, he left to deal with things at St. Francis, which reminded Rook that he was still protecting his brother’s cult. He purposely left the 1911 at her house, along with some clothes that accumulated there over the past few weeks.

As he kissed her goodbye, he could tell that she was mildly upset.  They both were becoming addicted, which they thought made them vulnerable purely because of the longing they felt when they were apart. But maybe, she thought, if they were always together, they could make each other stronger, and protect one another.

Rook felt sour. Her PTSD symptoms were flaring up at the thought of St. Francis. She needed to make peace with this if she was going to be with him.

She took some sleeping meds and passed out hard on the couch.

A few hours later Rook woke up to Tommy’s loud crying meows and paws pushing on her chest.

She was groggy and confused at the dim brightness outside. It wasn’t the sunset. It was fire half a mile away. The sound of a sonic boom assaulted her ears.

Was it a dream? No. This is it, she thought. It was surreal. The nukes had finally dropped.

Rook stared at Tommy for several moments, thinking about what she needed to do now.

There was nothing she could do for Honey, except open her gate and hope she’d run until finding a safe spot.

Within 10 minutes she had most of her favorite possessions in her bunker.

She couldn’t stop thinking about Jacob, even though she knew he’d be safe in his own bunker. She thought of her family. She cried at the change that was coming. She felt she could not handle it.

While making her last run to the bunker, with her cat in her arms, Jacob’s truck sped up her driveway and skidded to a halt, tires throwing gravel and dust.

A wave of relief washed over her. Here was her rock. He was what she needed. She ran to him and squished Tommy between them in a hug. Jacob kissed the top of her head and noted the tears on her cheeks.

Jacob took a step back and held her shoulders, looking in her eyes intently.

“We need to hurry,” he said with a nod.

Rook responded with a weak nod and followed him throwing duffel bags down into her bunker. She wondered why he was here and why he was putting his things in her bunker.

Now she was in a full blown panic attack and needed to get to safety. Her breathing was too fast and erratic.The fire was growing too close for comfort.

“Rook!” Jacob yelled. His voice was a little dulled by the sound of falling trees and other thunderous booms.

Rook felt frozen. She was looking at her body from outside herself. All of her feelings swirled and crashed in her mind. Why did I kill all those people? Why aren’t I with my family? Why am I so close with Jacob? How can I-

Her panicked doubts were interrupted by Jacob’s protective arms and chest. He rushed her down to the bunker and locked the steel doors. It was so quiet in this bunker. The sounds outside were barely audible.

Jacob was dripping with sweat and soot in his effort to get to her. Stupid. He thought to himself. Why’d I fucking leave her. If he had been with her when the first bomb hit, he could have taken her to his stronger bunker. He doubted she’d like living with Peggies very much anyway. Doesn’t matter. This is where we’re at now.

Rook let Tommy jump to the ground and explore the bunker. Her eyes were distant.

“Honey,” Jacob was trying to get through to her. “I know. I know you need rest but we have to get these clothes off and get clean before anything else.” He was as calm as ever.

Jacob went to the bunker’s bathroom and started the shower. He led her to it and undressed the both of them.

The last thing Rook’s anxiety needed right now was someone touching her naked body. But with him it wasn’t what she expected. With him she felt safe and cared for. Jacob stayed focused and efficient, quickly finding soap and towels. He was gentle and did his best not to trigger her.

Rook stared at the tile shower floor, soot mixing with water and going down the drain. She breathed with intention, focusing on the feeling of hot water on her skin.

Jacob’s strong fingers kneaded and scrubbed her hair and scalp. It felt good. He rubbed with soapy hands down her neck and shoulders, arms, torso, and he knelt to wash her legs. He rested his forehead against the side of her thigh. A squeeze of her heel lifted her foot to allow him to clean it.

After Rook was clean, she watched Jacob clean his own body. She leaned against the shower wall and her eyes wandered over the muscles, freckles, hair, and scars. She reached a hand out to brush against his chest.

Jacob put down the soap and took her in his arms. They stood there for half a minute, until Jacob planted a kiss on her forehead and turned off the shower.

Water dripped from their bodies when they stepped out. Jacob dried her off first with a soft towel, and wrapped it around her shoulders.

He shook a towel over his red hair, and tucked it around his waist. Jacob took momentary glances at her while he dug through his clothing duffel and dressed in gray sweatpants and a soft blue t shirt.

Rook put on multiple layers of the most comfortable clothing she had in the bunker.

They got into bed and she got close to him, gladly accepting the heat his body offered. The bombs were still dropping and he held her loosely. She took another pill. She figured now was a worthy time to take one of her limited supply. They fell asleep, to escape the sounds of end for just a few hours.

As she fell asleep, she couldn’t help but think about why she was in Montana in the first place, and why she wasn’t with her family.

When she left Dutch’s bunker after he rescued her from the river, she could have laid low. She could have taken out just one roadblock and gone home. Would it really have worked? She has a feeling she would have been caught by the Seeds anyway. Better to be a fighter than a prisoner, right?

Rook figured she gave up her right to respect and fair treatment after her first unnecessary kill. The first kill that was not out of self defense, or to stop someone else from coming to immediate harm, or saving a hostage. Her first sniper kill. She was 150 meters away. It was a headshot. An Eden’s Gate soldier at Boomer’s house. She knew that the soldier had some part in murdering and torturing for the cult. It didn’t stop her momentary emotional lapse in the orchard. She started crying, and tried the hardest she’d ever tried in her life to stop crying. She could see the sudden blood on the Peggie’s forehead where there formerly was none.

Her last preemptive kill was one of Jacob’s men. She sniped them near a radio tower. Where’s the adrenaline? She thought. She worried why she wasn’t feeling adrenaline after killing a person. At that point she’d become an efficient killing machine. She pushed her bad feelings down, down, down, to deal with later.

She was dreaming about the gore. She knew she was dreaming about it and in her head she tried to jerk herself awake.

It must have worked enough to prompt Jacob to gently shake her awake.

“Honey,” he said with a sleepy and raspy voice. He gently stroked her shoulder.

Thank god he’s here.

Rook turned on her side to face him. He was propped up on one elbow, searching her face for anything.

She stared back at him and grounded herself. She slowly pulled her mind away from the dream and into the warm bed, with Jacob next to her.

So handsome.

Jacob chuckled. She must’ve said that out loud.

Rook placed the responsibility of distancing Jacob from the cult on her shoulders, even though he did physically distance himself from them in a major way, and by his own choice. He was still close to them by association in her mind.

“You’ve gotta tell me what you’re thinkin, Babe,” he said.

Babe.

It took her half a minute to build up courage to speak about it.

“I had a dream about killing a...Peggie.”

“Yeah?” He tried to sound encouraging. He needed her to be open with him.

“And the memory of that eventually connects to you.”

“That’s right.”

“It makes me confused. Because I like you so much. And I hate the cult so much.”

Jacob huffed a soft laugh. “I don’t like em all that much either. And I know you’re mad about the things I’ve done.”

Rook exhaled. She was in relief that he wasn’t actually upset or irrational.  Not even in a backhanded way. Bad behavior is what she came to expect from most people. He was always the image of composure.

Rook placed her small hand on his cheek and said quietly, “I missed you while you were gone.” Rook would have said, “today” at the end, but she felt like she’d missed him all her life.

“I missed you too.” It was a warm whisper from him.

[coquuin]

really LONG CHARACTER SURVEY. RULES. repost ,   don’t  reblog  !  good  luck  !

TAGGED. i stole it from Kiki!! TAGGING. whoever wants to do it!!

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Ezekiel Axel Ruiz Rosario

NICKNAME: Zeke

AGE: (Verse dependent) anywhere from 19 to 25! most often tho, i usually make him 25.

BIRTHDAY: November 15 (self given bc he doesnt know his real birthday)

ETHNIC GROUP: Puerto Rican / Latino

NATIONALITY: British-American

LANGUAGE(S): English, Spanish, Dutch, Japanese, Latin, Romanian, some Russian, and some Chinese! he likes to study languages a lot....

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Demi-Pansexual

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Demi-Panromantic

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Hes multiship boiiii

CLASS: Upper class, though he really doesnt have very expensive tastes or anything. Seems like he’d be lower class, but. yknow, he is a celebrity so.

HOMETOWN / AREA: London, England

CURRENT HOME: A very small and shitty apartment. Yeah, he could get a much better home bc he does have the money, but... hes weird and likes a more slightly cramped space. dont question Ezekiel, he has weird preferences.

PROFESSION: Guitarist of the rock band Rogue! also used to work at a music shop when he was like 17, but that was back in London.

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: Very curly and messy black hair! He hardly bothers to take care of it. its prolly greasy bc hes a fucking gremlin pls make him take a shower. stinky boye

EYES: BIG OL FUCKIN EYES. they’re brown! a little sunken, and has massive bags under them--rather than the bags being from lack of sleep, though, theyre actually a result of too much sleep! Ezekiel can and WILL fall asleep wherever and whenever he wants. you cant stop him. his eyes are pretty big actually, and very expressive!

NOSE: the bitch looks like its been broken like ten times. he got a weird ass nose. its a little big, but not terribly so!

FACE: scrawny as FUCK. motherfucker’s head shape looks like a fuckin crescent moon. you know that one tiktok meme with the girl who has the weird ass moon lookin head? bitch looks like that a little bit. croissant lookin ass head.

LIPS: very thin! pls get him some chapstick

COMPLEXION: bitch looks like he hasnt gone out in the sun in over 20 years! which, actually, isnt entirely wrong bc he pretty much hasn’t. pale as fuck! his skin looks gray, like a fucking corpse. he looks like a zombie, but i swear to god hes a plain ass human i think

BLEMISHES: a lot! mostly on his body tho, especially on his back.

SCARS: A  L O T!!! his back is literally covered in a shit ton of scars in the shape of upside down crosses, and he has a lot on the rest of his body as well, and several on his left wrist. yeah he, uh... he aint okay

TATTOOS: None! hes way too terrified to get one and hates the idea of one being stuck on his body for like the rest of his life rip

HEIGHT: 6′ 3″ / 190.05cm

WEIGHT: about like... 98lbs?? which is. fUCKING TERRIBLE FOR HOW TALL HE IS!!! LIKE HOLY SHIT EZEKIEL ARE YOU GOOD??? HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?!?!?! EZEKIEL?!?!?!?! FUCKING EAT SOMETHING PL EASE

BUILD: SCRAWNY AS SHIT. HE IS SO SKINNY HOLY SHIT. OH MY GOD GET THIS BOY A FUCKING BURGER OR SOMETHING BEFORE HE DIES JESUS CHRIST!!!!

ALLERGIES: Dandelions! He’ll just sneeze a lot around them

USUAL HAIRSTYLE: The bangs are kiiiinda kept to the side sorta just so its not falling in his eyes, but other than that, he doesnt really bother to like, style it or anything. its just curly and messy. although! when he was a child all the way to his teens, he did have a stupid ass bowlcut! but that wasnt his own choice, so he cant really be blamed for it :(

USUAL FACE LOOK: motherfucker has the WORST case of resting bitch face you will ever fucking see. even when hes happy he still looks angery sometimes!!! but thats literally just his fucking face!!!!

USUAL CLOTHING: a looot of slightly baggy clothing. lots of hoodies! especially wears a lot of black and red, mostly black. also wears mostly boots or sneakers, usually the ladder. he just doesnt really give two shits about fashion, as he’s more concerned with just sorta.. hiding his body. hes very insecure! save him

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR(S): "the devil”, getting close to anyone, performing in front of people, people in general, cats, knives & other sharp objects, the sight of his own blood

ASPIRATION(S): "to escape the Devil’s wrath,” as he phrases it. of course, the whole ‘THE DEVIL IS OUT TO KILL EVERYONE I LOVE AND THEN HE’LL KILL ME NEXT’ thing is obviously just in Ezekiel’s head, but it feels very real to him! he basically just wants to be free of the “demons” in his head. aside from that, he also really really reeaaally wants to own an orphanage someday! basically take in orphan kids and help give them a much better life than he had. but as for right now, he fully realizes he’s not ready for that at all, so he’s currently more focused on his music career and getting better mentally, though the ladder is a slow process.

POSITIVE TRAITS: Patient, simple, humble

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Rude, temperamental, paranoid

ZODIAC: Scorpio!

TEMPERAMENT: uhhhh fuck idk i just took a quiz for this and ezekiel got like a tie between phlegmatic and melancholic--but if i had to guess, i’d say melancholic!

SOUL TYPE(S): Spiritualist!

ANIMALS: i always associate Ezekiel with dogs bc. he literally just acts like a fuckin angery dog. and an angery snake or something. bUT MOSTLY DOGS. he will literally bark at people, because he’s a fucking weirdo who doesnt know how to behave like a normal fucking human being

VICE  HABIT(S): uhhh drugs and alcohol are a big thing he does!! and generally pushing everyone away so he doesnt get close to anyone! and also acting like a gotdam ANIMAL. SOMEONE PLS MAKE EZEKIEL STOP FUCKING BARKING AND HISSING AT PEOPLE!!!

FAITH: Christian! his religion is very important to him too!

GHOSTS?: Yes!

AFTERLIFE?: Yes!

REINCARNATION?: He isn’t really sure about reincarnation, but wants to believe it exists.

ALIENS?: Yes.

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: fuck if he knows. ezekiel could not give less of a shit about politics and hardly knows anything about it bc he really doesnt keep up with anything.

SOCIO POLITICAL POSITION: he doesnt give a fuck

EDUCATION LEVEL: None. he never even went to school, fun fact!

FAMILY.

FATHER: Dead!

MOTHER: Dead!

SIBLINGS: None!

EXTENDED FAMILY: None!

NAME MEANING(S): Ezekiel means “God will strengthen”! I have no idea what Rosario means sadly bc i cant find anything good on it on google :(

HISTORICAL CONNECTION?: None that he knows of.

FAVORITES.

BOOK: He couldn’t possibly pick a single favorite book--he loves a lot! but he loves mostly romance genres! which is so fucking ironic considering he’s fucking terrified of getting into relationships. and even more ironically? he doesnt read any horror genres bc it scares him too much!

MOVIE: he doesn’t know.

5 SONGS: While My Guitar Gently Weeps - the Beatles; Brick in the Wall - Pink Floyd; Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin; Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen; Don’t Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult.

DEITY: God, Jesus

HOLIDAY: Christmas! everyone expects Ezekiel to be like the grinch or something and hate Christmas, but nope! He surprisingly loves it!

MONTH: March

SEASON: Fall

PLACE: His bed

WEATHER: Preferably a little cold, but not too much, bc he just cant stand being hot--and completely dark outside!

SOUND: Gentle guitar strums.

SCENT(S): Ivory

TASTE(S): Anything thats like. Meat. hes very picky tho

FEEL(S): Skin. As in, like, being affectionate with someone else! He’s just very touch starved rip

ANIMAL(S): Yknow, oddly enough, despite acting like a fuckin wild animal a lot, he doesnt like animals much. but definitely dogs are his favorite!

NUMBER: 20

COLORS: Red and black--though he likes blue as well, especially dark blue.

EXTRA.

TALENTS: Music--especially with guitar! And painting, writing, literature.

BAD AT: Anything to do with math or science and stuff like that; anything that requires physical work. hes p much bad at like.. most things tbh.

TURN ONS: Just like.. be soft and gentle with him... also probably has a lowkey praise kink--if you could call it much of a kink i guess? hes pretty vanilla tbh. hes just soft.....

TURN OFFS: If you go rough on him at all he WILL cry. Also anything that, like, restricts him like ropes or some shit will literally make him panic so fucking bad. basically hes just vanilla as fuck, just be gentle with him pls

HOBBIES: Writing / playing music, writing in general, painting, watching random ass movies on TV until he falls asleep, sleeping, avoiding his problems like the fuckin wind

TROPES: man fuck if i know

AESTHETIC TAGS: literally all of Aurelio Voltaire’s songs; shit you’d see in Halloween (which is funny bc Ezekiel fucking hates Halloween); vampires; satanic symbolism. which is all ironic, bc Ezekiel doesnt actually like spooky shit! but it all sure does give big Ezekiel vibes anyway

GPOY  QUOTES: huh

FC INFO.

MAIN  FC(S): Jack the ripper from, well, Oyasumi Jack the Ripper!

ALT FC(S): None!

OLDER FC(S): None!

YOUNGER  FC(S): None rip

VOICE CLAIM(S): Murdoc Niccals from Gorillaz

GENDERBENT FC(S): iiiiii dont really do genderbends pretty much so none

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1: IF YOU COULD WRITE YOUR CHARACTER YOUR WAY IN THEIR OWN MOVIE, WHAT WOULD IT BE CALLED, WHAT STYLE WOULD IT BE FILMED IN, AND WHAT WOULD IT BE ABOUT?:

Honestly probably something like the movie Sybil??? like basically just delving deep into his whole psychology and mindset and whatnot and why he acts the way he acts. those are always like my FAVORITE type of movies, and Ezekiel would honestly be fucking perfect for something like that bc literally every single aspect of his entire personality has been molded in some way shape or form by some event in his life, especially to do with the cult he was raised in, and it hONESTLY IS SO INTERESTING TO JUST LIKE.. STUDY WHAT EZEKIELS BRAIN IS LIKE BASICALLY. AT LEAST FOR ME ANYWAY BC I AM HIS MUN AND ALL BUT.

Q2: WHAT WOULD THEIR SOUNDTRACK / SCORE SOUND LIKE?:

for some reason i always kinda associate him with like edgy violin and piano music?? i mean hey rock stars can be classy too fuck u

Q3: WHY DID YOU START WRITING THIS CHARACTER?:

WELL ORIGINALLY WHEN I FIRST CREATED HIM HE WAS JUST BASED OFF MURDOC NICCALS BC, YALL ALREADY KNOW DAMN WELL IM OBSESSED WITH THAT PICKLE MAN, BUT. Now, however, he’s WAAAAAAAAY different and i just love writing him so much bc like. basically like what i said in the movie question!! he is SO fucking interesting to delve into psychology wise. like, yeah he has an edgy ass tragic backstory, but whats neat about that is you can absolutely see how said edgy backstory ties into his mindset and individual habits and how the memories of it still affects his everyday life despite the fact that he’s escaped it a long time ago now. even in the small things he does, chances are is that every single thing that he does is either something he does to soothe and comfort himself for his own safety, or something that has just been fucking drilled into his mind by the cult members and whatnot, if any of that makes sense? LIKE YALL DONT UNDERSTAND I HAVE LITERALLY WATCHED LIKE HOURS LONG DOCUMENTARIES ON ORPHANAGES AND SATANIC CULTS AND PSYCHOLOGY AND HOW TRAUMA LIKE WHAT EZEKIEL EXPERIENCED CAN FUCK SOMEONE UP, JUST FOR THE SAKE OF WRITING HIM CORRECTLY AND REALISTICALLY. LIKE HE STARTED OFF AS SOME MURDOC NICCALS REJECT WHEN I MADE HIM IN LIKE?? 2015 MAYBE??? BUT NOW, MY MAIN INTEREST IN HIM IS LIKE, HOW FASCINATING HIS FUCKING MIND IS IN A WAY. idk im a big psychology nerd but.

Q4: WHAT FIRST ATTRACTED YOU TO THIS CHARACTER?:

Murdoc

Q5: DESCRIBE THE BIGGEST THING YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOUR MUSE:

him pushing everyone away! like its one thing to have a self-defense mechanism like where you just generally act kinda mean to drive people off, but Ezekiel can really take it to a whole new level and he really can be like.. a hUGE ASSHOLE BC OF IT. its mostly when he realizes that he may be starting to become close with anyone that it really gets to a bad point and he becomes all the more self-destructive. THIS IS GONNA BE VERY UNSANITARY SO WARNING BUT hes literally told someone in an rp once like “YOURE GOING TO FORCE ME TO EAT YOUR SHIT OR DRINK YOUR FUCKING URINE JUST LIKE THOSE FUCKING PEOPLE IN THE ORPHANAGE DID, ARENT YOU???? IS THAT WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT FROM ME?? TO USE ME, HURT ME, CUT ME, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT??? WE ARE NEVER GOING TO BE FUCKING FRIENDS YOU GODDAMN IDIOT!!! WHAT THE HELL MADE YOU THINK WE HAD ANYTHING IN COMMON??” AND ITS JUST KINDA.. YIKES SCOOB! but basically hes willing to say just about anything to push people away so he can avoid getting close to anyone

Q6: WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN COMMON WITH YOUR MUSE?:

WE BOTH FEAR AND AVOID ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THE FUCKIN WIND. also when i was younger i definitely had a tendency to try and make people hate me just to push people away like Ezekiel does but im not like that anymore thankfully!!

Q7: HOW DOES YOUR MUSE FEEL ABOUT YOU?:

oh hed probably try to fucking kill me lol

Q8: WHAT CHARACTERS DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE INTERESTING INTERACTIONS WITH?

HONESTLY LIKE.. P MUCH EVERY INTERACTION EZEKIEL HAS IS SO GOOD. Ezekiel is one of those characters where its very hard to have a boring rp bc he just does so much shit, so like no matter who i rp him with, its bound to be amazing. ALTHOUGH I DO NEED TO MAKE HIM INTERACT WITH MORE PEOPLE TBH!!! the only problem i have when writing him sometimes is actually making him talk to new people, bc of his extreme shut-in attitude and whatnot, so he literally just never starts conversations with anyone he barely knows.

Q9: WHAT GIVES YOU INSPIRATION TO WRITE YOUR MUSE?:

listening to any music that reminds me of him! but otherwise, it usually just comes pretty naturally to me tbh. just some days ill be in the mood for him all day--same with a lot of my characters actually.

Q10: HOW LONG DID THIS TAKE YOU TO COMPLETE?:

A LONG ASS TIME