#apparently taking a water break in the shade when the sun is grilling me means im lazy bitch nobody else wants to be here be glad somebody

[greenrose-witchdance]

Got told off at work for not looking like i work hard :/ so like its not that i havent been working and getting shit done i just havent looked hardworking enough while i do it. be for fucking real

[taycofftoadventure]

Utah Park Road Trip

What a year. I’ve taken a hiatus from the blog during 2020 for obvious reasons: pandemic travel is a challenge and not encouraged. It was hard to decide whether to venture out at all frankly. But after a a new gig, I desperately needed a getaway- so we took a week-long road trip to Utah. Our goal was to try to avoid people and get into nature. I’m so grateful for the escape. In the end, my soul really needed to go. Needed the break. Needed the change of scenery. I’ve gotten a lot of folks asking me what we did, where we went, so I decided to dust off the blog and share with folks our itinerary. 

We traveled with surface cleaner, our masks, etc. We took precautions where appropriate. It wasn’t always easy, but I felt relatively safe. We stayed in hotels and cabins- camping is totally an option, but traveling in August meant very hot weather and we wanted the AC. But every place we went had camping options if that is more your speed. Also many of the places we stayed, we could enter the room from an external door. It felt safer generally than riding an elevator or being in narrow hotel halls. We also didn’t have maid service during our stays to limit who was in the room. But I encourage everyone to be smart about whatever they chose to do. It’s hard to control all elements. We did the best we could.

You may wonder why we went to Springdale and THEN Bryce and THEN back to Zion- well, cost (the Lodge in the park was cheaper midweek) and avoiding people. We aimed to hit the Narrows hike on a Wednesday- which was less crowded.

Day 1 and 2 - Springdale, UT

We drove from LA. We opted not to stop in Vegas because they have a lot of coronavirus cases. Without traffic, it’s a six hour or so drive to beautiful Springdale, UT- the gateway to Zion National Park. We stayed at the Majestic View Lodge at the edge of town for two nights. Springdale itself is a gem in the canyon between red rock cliffs towering above.

Zion National Park has a shuttle service with limited tickets to access certain portions of the park (**check for their policies regularly/they changed during our planning and we almost didn’t score tickets). But there are some sites that don’t require a shuttle. We hit those first. After a breakfast at Deep Creek Coffee (really good/we went twice!), we ventured up the scenic drive of the park. Surrounded by giants, we pulled off and took photos as we headed to our first hike on the Canyon Overlook Trail. It’s a moderately challenging hike, but not long. You can do it rather quickly, but we definitely stopped to take many a photo. You’re rewarded with quite a view. Some portion of the trail was narrow- so bring your mask (always bring your mask). After, we cooled down at the hotel pool until it got busier. 

Before dinner, we rode bikes through Springdale to the Pa’rus Trail (paved so it’s not hard to bike). It was mighty glorious as the sun set below The Watchman. The grill at the Majestic View Lodge did have really good ribeye for take-out. 

Day 3-5 Bryce Canyon National Park

The next day, we headed to Bryce National Park for two nights. What a special place. Powerful hoodoos dot the canyon. I felt like I was immersed in a giant sand castle. It was hot when we went. There was no water in the canyon, so take more water than you think you need if you plan to hike beyond the rim. 

Our first hike was the Navajo Trail to the Peekaboo Loop and then up iconic Wall Street. It’s strenuous. If you want something lighter, do just Navajo Trail- but even that has dramatic elevation gain. Also, you have the challenge of Bryce’s naturally high elevation. The most common medical issues folks have in Bryce are elevation related problems. The number two problem; ankle issues (so wear supportive shoes) because the trails are steep. Despite being hard, it was JAW-DROPPINGLY beautiful. No photos need a filter. Go slow, take breaks, take photos, and stay hydrated. 

The next day we woke up early and hit The Fairyland Loop. It’s the longest hike in the park, but you’ll have no issues social distancing. Bring lots of water and lunch- but it’s not as hard as Peekaboo/Navajo. Go early to avoid midday sun. We started at Sunrise point and did it counter clockwise. We liked this for a few reasons- our climb back out of the canyon was shaded by an occasional tree and the last two miles of the hike was the much easier Rim Trail in the hotter part of the day (which does have some climbing itself, but at least you’re almost to your car by the end)... and also I loved ending the hike near the General Store for a little lemonade and fruit. 

Closer to sunset, we checked out Rainbow Point and Natural Bridge. If you skip Peekaboo, Bryce Point will give you a taste of what you missed from above. 

The town of Bryce itself was only established ten years ago. Not too much there. We grabbed picnic/breakfast food in Springdale and then got take out in Tropic for dinners. Stone Hearth Grille was delicious and beautifully situated- I can tell it would be a great place to eat in when this pandemic is over.  IDK Barbecue was also really tasty. 

The last morning in Bryce we hit the Queens Garden Trail- the most popular trail. But you can see why, it’s not-to-be-missed gorgeous and it’s the “easiest” trail into the canyon (and by easiest, I still mean it’s steep). We opted to hit it on a Tuesday and found it wasn’t too hard to avoid folks. I did wear my mask more (i really dig my Variant Malibu mask btw). 

Day 6-8 Zion National Park

After the hike, we headed back to Zion. On this stretch, we stayed at Zion Lodge in a cabin at the Xanterra run hotel in the park. It was worth it because you get a drive-on into the park where only shuttles can go and it’s great to be in the midst of the action (the only caveat is, you can only drive as far as the lodge). There’s also the bonus reality that if you stay at the lodge, the shuttle times are irrelevant, They let you on whenever, you just need a ticket for the day. Alternatively, you can ride uphill to the Narrows by bike.

We rode the shuttle once to go to the famous Narrows hike. We were very much rewarded for our early morning- there were very uncrowded stretches. What a colossally special experience. Almost religious- I felt like I was in a giant natural cathedral. The early morning light gifted us with such dynamic and extraordinary sights. I’ll never forget them. Besides snacks and water, I highly recommend a hiking pole and neoprene socks. Just buy them ahead of time- but you can rent them in town for the same cost. We were glad to just get started early and not have to deal with rentals. The rocks are slippery so mind your step. I also felt the current made it more precarious.  Be sure to check the water quality and for flash flood warnings. Levels were low, but due to little rain there was a bacterial overgrowth harmful to humans and animals. So sadly, we couldn’t submerge (or ingest)- but I felt it was shallow enough to maintain safety. Avoid the algae mats. 

As we wrapped up the hike six hours later, more people hit the trail- the mask was up and this was the most congested I felt all trip! But the ranger at the end of the hike said that actually, this was nothing compared to pre-covid. People used to wait hours for a shuttle... so thanks pandemic, we didn’t wait long. 

In the evenings, we gazed at the Milky Way on the green lawn filled with deer and tried to spy meteors showering by (well, more like a trickle- we saw two between us) and hung out on our cabin porch drinking wine and playing cards. Staying in the park was peaceful. 

Additionally, some of the popular hikes are an easy stroll from the lodge. It would have been possible to avoid the shuttle altogether if we weren’t intending to do the Narrows. We walked on an evening stroll up the trail to the Grotto picnic area where the Angel’s Landing Hike begins (the top is closed at present for Covid). Across the street from the lodge is the trailhead for the Emerald Pools. We would have made the trek but the pools are apparently very low right now. Some things for us to check out next time!

Day 9-11 Sundance, UT

After Zion, we headed north for two nights in the mountains outside of Salt Lake City. I was craving green and trees for sure. We stayed at the Sundance Resort but if you’re looking to save some coin, there’s plenty of camping off the narrow mountain Alpine Scenic Byway. The mountain pass is closed in the winter, but right now it’s dotted with gorgeous still-snow dusted peaks and the largest Aspen grove I’ve ever seen.

There were a lot of hikes in the area, but in the warm heat of the summer, we opted for Stewart Falls. There are a few access points- if you don’t stay at Sundance, there is a trailhead in Aspen Grove. If you stay at the resort, you get a free ski-lift ticket (or you can buy one). We took the scenic chalet to Ray’s Summit  (you can go further up to the top for a cold beverage and what-looked-like-delicious nachos). From Ray’s Summit, you can hike a lovely but sometimes steep trail down to the falls. We then took the trail back to our lodging from the falls. Google maps was helpful in navigating the narrow trails. 

We did shell out for the zip line tour which boasts one of the longest rides in the US. It was exhilarating. You fly from peak to peak and down the mountain. Definitely grab a bottle of water to take with you- it took us about 2 hours to do it all... but can take up to 3. Luckily our group was just the two of us, so it went pretty fast and I was thankful to not have to wait for anyone. 

The food at Sundance was excellent with lots of outdoor seating and picnic tables- so it’s easy to get a fine dining meal and a swell spot to eat it in. Everything from the breakfast sandwich to the salmon to the pork chops was really good. 

Day 12-13 St. George, UT

On our way back to Los Angeles, we drove back south again and stayed in St. George- not far outside of Zion. We stayed at a lovely renovated hotel Inn of the Cliff- bonus points for beautiful view and pool. Pro-tip, if you want the pool ALL to yourself, Sunday morning seemed to be the winner (because I think the community is all at church). Also for breakfast, skip the long lines and go to Tia’s Artesian Bakery. We picked up some delectable food ahead of the drive home.

In the end, I was so grateful for this trip. It felt incredibly long (even though it was just weekend to weekend). Getting into nature, surrounded by awesome views, and testing my body- but also having down-time- felt crucial to getting the rejuvenation I needed. On long, popular hike days, we rose early- but almost every other day, we slept in. The balance felt right. We were grateful to pack a cooler and have snacks and cold drinks on long drives or hot days. 

Travel safe. Stay healthy. Take care of your spirit. Go find nature.

Photos by Zach Lupetin and Taylor Coffman

[wordcreatr]

You know, I wouldn’t say I have terrible luck, but it definitely trends toward being consistently on the poor side. I wouldn’t say it feels like the universe has it in for me, but it’s definitely trying to annoy me.

It’s like that time back in 1996 when a guy I knew, who had won an Emmy for post-production work on the hit show Northern Exposure, called me up out of the blue to move to L.A. to be his assistant. He and some investors were buying a family-owned state of the art post-production studio that was in bankruptcy. It was a huge break for me, so I left grad school, packed up my hamster car, and moved out there. Immediately upon arriving, he told me, “So let me get you up to speed. The financing fell through last week.” Turned out his wealthy main investor’s elderly mother controlled the company’s purse strings and she shot the deal down. It also turned out I no longer had a job.

Why had he not called me to let me know before I left Arizona I had asked in dismay.

“I decided you needed to be out here anyway,” he replied. And that was the start of my L.A. misadventure from hell. I’ll have to write about that period of my life sometime because it only got crazier.

Yeah, anyway, it’s just been one of those kinds of weeks as far as lost opportunity and general mayhem, just on a far smaller scale.

Welcome to hell

First, my house’s air conditioning was on the fritz and the temperature in Arizona is only slightly below hellish, though full-blown hell is arriving next week when we are supposed to hit 106°F (41°C for my international readers). The air conditioner was blowing warm air the day I called a recommended AC guy who does side work for cash. When he showed up after he got off work the next day, my unit was back to blowing cold air, but I figured he should take a look at it anyway because it was obviously not working right.

After inspecting it, the repair guy told me my AC unit was at least 30 years old (maybe older since the house was built in 1980), and he began to describe what kind of condition it was in. Have you ever seen a really wizened old man who is bent practically in half with osteoporosis? A man who is so frail and rickety it’s a miracle he’s still upright in a light breeze? The one with no teeth, who is practically blind, and who has to wear adult diapers? Yeah, apparently, that was the equivalent of my air conditioning unit.

The AC guy showed me photos — and it wasn’t pretty. In fact, with the exposed wiring due to the plastic having been baked off them by the relentless desert sun, it’s a wonder my house hadn’t burned down. He showed me pics of one battered part and said if it went out, the AC would either not turn on or it wouldn’t turn off, which would kill my electricity bill — both would suck.

He said he could get me a new unit for the discounted price of $4,600 cash or make repairs to get me through the summer. Since it’s been almost a year since I’ve had a proper job, I went with option B. My plan was to postpone replacement until I could afford a new AC. So he came back the next day and got to work. When he was done, he came into the house and turned on the air. The blower was working but the condenser wouldn’t kick on. He said it might take a bit. So we waited. And waited. Finally, he went back up on the roof and after ten minutes he came back in and we waited and waited, our hands periodically reaching up to the vent in the ceiling that stubbornly blew out warm air. Nada.

“Bad news,” he said. “I think your condenser has just died.”

Well, that was inconvenient.

We began talking about a new unit, and I said I’d have to think about it because $4,600 cash was kind of steep. After all, I was only working occasional freelance jobs and doing rideshare driving, which pays a pittance. As much as I hated to, I was probably going to have to go with a more expensive company so I could put it on a credit card and pay it off in installments. I hate doing that because while I use my cards all the time, I pay them off immediately. But I didn’t want to raid my bank account and leave myself low on available cash. After he left, the damn AC blower was in full zombie mode and wouldn’t shut off even when I turned it off. It just kept blowing warm air, so I eventually had to turn it off at the circuit breaker.

After speaking with a rep from Integrity Air Conditioning, it was going to cost me $5,400 (after rebates) to get a new unit, so I reluctantly agreed. This sucked. I also needed new tires for my car because the rideshare driving had accelerated the wear on them. And I needed an oil change. And I needed to get my BBQ grill fixed.

I had just been thinking that life was going okay and I’d be fine as long as I kept my spending low. Apparently, the universe had decided that now was the perfect time to put a whammy on my wallet.

Fuck.

I’m melting! Mellllllting!

Meanwhile, in the absence of modern AC, I’ve actually been doing okay with the heat. The older I get, the more I turn into my dad. As the temperature has climbed, when the AC was working, I hadn’t even had it on when the Houseguest wasn’t home. When my dad was alive, he kept the house so hot my brother would freak out when he came over to visit. “Oh, my God, it’s like hell in here. How does he live like this? It’s so damn hot!”

Unlike me, the Houseguest hasn’t been faring well with no AC, and she has been lying around listlessly. I feel bad and check on her occasionally to make sure I don’t need to summon an ambulance for heat prostration. To be honest, though, because I don’t want to dip into my cash reserves, if I lived here by myself, I would have been inclined to tough it out through the summer without AC, but I can’t bear the constant whinging.

To be fair, she’s also been battling insomnia, which has taken its toll. I see her emerge from her room, unrested, and the oppressive heat hasn’t made it any easier, and she’s at the snapping point. It doesn’t help her mood that the heat doesn’t seem to faze me. I see the barely subdued madness lurking in her eyes.

The kitchen is a no-cook zone

Because of the unrelenting heat, the Houseguest has been bugging me to get the grill seen to so we can cook outside under the shade of the patio. We’d been grilling a lot earlier in the year, but the never-ending propane tank finally ran out of gas, and I’d been meaning for a while to go up to Home Depot for a new tank. After I finally did,  I was unscrewing the old tank from the regulator, and I think I did something wrong and jacked up the regulator. When I connected the new tank, I heard hissing gas and could smell it. I thought I had a faulty tank and took it back, but the replacement tank made the same noise with the same smell. Using soapy water, I looked for bubbles to try and discover the leak, but no luck.

The Houseguest mentioned going up to get a new regulator for the grill and wanted to know when we could grill again, and I said I didn’t know. I began listing my expenses and mentioned the AC had to be taken care of, then my tires, and then a new regulator for the grill — which I wasn’t even sure was the problem.

She had wilted onto her bed and lay there languidly looking defeated.

“But we have to be able to grill,” she said weakly. “It’s too hot to use the oven.”

The oven might as well be the furnaces of hell as far as the Houseguest is concerned

I told her I wasn’t sure if I bought that argument. I mean, unless I was foolish enough to cook with the oven door open, I kind of figure it should be okay, right? How hot can it get? Turn the oven on. Put the food in. Set the timer. Walk out of the room. Come back when the timer goes off. I didn’t see the issue. She was just staring at me like I was a simpleton. She has a Ph.D. and tends to discuss things analytically. As I began calmly explaining why I thought the regulator was the lowest priority purchase item, her head suddenly snapped up and she shot me a look.

“We are grilling, motherfucker!”

Okay, I was slightly taken aback. The Houseguest is normally rather easy-going, cultured, and well-spoken. There was no anger, just the no-nonsense bark I’d associate with a drill instructor. However, I got the impression that if the heat had not sapped all of her energy, I might have ended up in a bloody heap on the floor.  I retreated to my Man Cave and chalked up the outburst to the heat. Plus, she’s got some fiery Persian blood in her.

Freelancing sucks

So, as these bills piled up this week, it reinforced that I’m not bringing in tons of money. It’s been almost a year since I’ve had a proper job. I traveled for a bit, and I’ve been slumming doing rideshare driving for Uber and Lyft part-time. I’ve also been picking up some freelance projects here and there. All with the goal of working (slowly and painfully) on my book.

I’ve done a fair bit, but there’s still a fair bit left to do. Purposefully, I’ve been holding off getting a real job and have been actively trying to get freelance gigs. One thing I’ve learned, I suck at chasing down freelance work. But I figured if I lived frugally, I could stretch out my underemployment out quite awhile, as long as I didn’t incur any real expenses. Like all the ones I racked up this week, which was a metaphorical kick in the balls.

But that was okay. I still had a freelance project I was supposed to start last month that would pay off a chunk of the AC cost.  However, everything is up in the air because the client has a new full-time copywriter.

Fuck.

But that was still okay because another agency had contacted me for a small project. Their content director liked my stuff. In fact, she had me come in to talk about working for them part-time, but as a proofreader. It’s kind of boring work, but it wouldn’t demand any of my limited creativity. And it would be a regular income so I could keep writing. I was stoked. And everyone I met was super nice. Things were looking up!

And then right after I put down a three grand deposit on my new AC unit, I got an email late Friday afternoon. It was from the new agency’s HR person informing me that the content director had departed the company that afternoon. She said I was still in their freelance pool and I might hear from some of the account managers. I asked about the proofreading gig. She had no idea, but it seemed to me my new part-time gig was probably dead in the water.

Just like L.A., I was so close.

Fuck my life.

The Universe is going to make me go out and get a real job, isn’t it?

If karma is a thing, I must have been a real asshole in another life. Oh well, as the old man used to say, ‘If I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any at all.’  But if this keeps up, I may need to sacrifice a goat at the next full moon.

At least I’ll have a new air conditioning unit by tomorrow. I just hope they don’t drop it through my roof.

Update

The new AC is going in as I post this.

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  Photo attributes: Copyright: catalin205 / 123RF Stock Photo

Sometimes everything will work out as long as one thing doesn't happen. And of course, it's going to happen because the universe has it out for me. You know, I wouldn't say I have terrible luck, but it definitely trends toward being consistently on the poor side.