#apparently this was 5 years ago i am having thots

[heartshaped-lou]

om nom nom munch slurp

[shou7]

Some disjointed thots on (PW+ML+AA) (single mix and everything else is just bloat to convince fans to buy copies so they don’t exist to me)

1. This is everything FP should’ve been. CB technology-related themes, nostalgic Game synths, ⊿ naming sense, the chic otona-pop of JPN, experimentalism of LEVEL3, world/concept-building of CE. Whatever Nakata was talking about back then about how everything Prfm does is future pop, and how their next work is gonna be their best.... THIS is what he should’ve been referring to. It took us 3 extra years but FUTURE POP is finally here...

2. What I really love about these new tracks is that they all have multiple layers of melodies that build on one another, and the tracks all go Somewhere, instead of feeling copypasted and one-note. But also not in a cheap lulz im so random and QuIrkY! way like in 7iro with an entirely different section that pops out of nowhere, never to be heard from again in any form. That new bridge in PW is a masterpiece (dare I say on the level of SOL’s). ML has this dissonant backward synth which sounds really out of place at first, but is eventually incorporated together with the rest of the song and resolved. And it does a really good job in creating tension in the song. The guitar from AA’s intro returns during certain sections of the song, as well as the outro (unlike PMU’s acoustic guitar).

3. And so I actually think this is Prfm’s most effortless and inspired-sounding release post-2013. Like... Nakata actually sounds like he enjoyed making these tracks, instead of trying to churn out commercial jingles and THEN extending them for release as soon as possible (to mixed results). The new tracks all have these flourishes and melodies and details added to them that’s been absent for a very long time (especially the distinct bridges!!!!). The lyrics actually have depth to them, and the tracks all have the required runtime to evolve and fully-realize themselves. Literally none of that uwu uwu DISPLAY DISPLAY DISPLAY x 16. So shoutout to the CEOs of Tully’s and Levi’s for rejecting Nakata jingles two times each. We could not have done it without you....

4. On a related note, apparently Nakata has finally had an actual discussion with Prfm wrt music direction for the first time in almost 20 years. And the benefits are clear. These songs were tailor made for them, as they are NOW. No infantile tiny baby chipmunk voices. And no continuous throwing of shit on the wall (future bass, retro, Japamyu leftovers, other assumptions of what a US/global audience wants) to see what sticks.

5. Nakata’s mentioned several times that he doesn’t like looking back at his past works, and I assume being forced by his label to remaster his old tracks played a part in helping him recapture his spark. Covid probably also helped with getting him to stay tf home and reflect instead of getting high while DJ-ing at clubs. 

6. It’s hilarious how TW was released a year ago and yet the rollout of this single is still evidently rushed af. From the whole audio to video production timeline it’s all a hot mess lmao. But what’s new?

7. Wrt the video, it’s boring. The capsule references are cute but that’s it. Everything else is just dark. I think the dance set has the same issue with Everyday’s. A full CGI set from Rhizomatiks would have worked better and looked less cheap. But PW suffers even more because the set is so dull and static. At least Everyday had flashing and moving clouds, and flying and whatnot. PW had nothing lol. They should’ve just gone full vaporwave acid trip aesthetic like in the P Cubed tour interlude.

8. The Prfm budget being slashed is probably another major factor as to why their videos have been pretty tragic Saisei onwards. Their pull on the general public has been on a decline (being the most well-known girl group or whatever in Japan doesn’t matter when girl groups as a whole aren’t doing very well). So from a company perspective it makes more sense to invest in live shows over music videos. And they definitely are continuing to make money off their tours considering that every tour has seen an increase in ticket pricing...!!! Sad for their music video legacy but oh well.

9. ML>PW>AA

10. FUTURE POP tracklist from another timeline: 1. Mugen loop 2. Android and 3. Polygon wave original mix 4. Time warp 5. If u wanna 6. Let me know 7. Tokyo girl 8. Houseki no ame 9. Mugen mirai 10. Toumei ningen 11. Everyday 12. Saisei

[nijiimura]

all the botanical asks ;)

damn you.

jasmine; what mythical creature do you wish actually existed?griffins hell yea

lavender; soundcloud or vinyls?soundcloud!!

primrose; what book does everyone right now need to read?annihilation by jeff vandermeer 

lunar mist; do you like wearing other people’s shirts/jackets?depends on if they fit or not but YEA bc it smells like them its nice

bird of paradise; what was the best thing that happened to you this month?tomorrow im gonna see zoe im so fuckin ready

gardenia; what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself?that its gonna be ok

lion’s fairytale; would you rather be the sky, the ocean or the forests?the ocean

whirling butterflies; would you kiss the last person you kissed again?the question is who was the last person i kissed 

marmalade skies; do you plan your outfits?dfjdsbnfjsbfhfd NO im a walking disaster

apricot drift; how do you feel right now?bored

everlasting daisy; what’s the last dream you remember having?i dreamed about seeing infinity war the night before i actually saw it and apparently in dream IW they never went to Wakanda and just shot footage just for trailers like they did in rogue one

queen’s cup; what are you craving right now?chocolate...

lavender dream; turn ons/offs?turn on - girls. turn off - men.

water lilly; when was the last time you cried? why?this morning bc my teacher sent me a pissed off email after i told me i was gonna be an hour late bc i missed the bus

lily of the valley; did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize?no

winterberry; do you bite or lick your ice cream?whoever bites their ice cream are monsters

honey perfume; favorite movie ever?grand budapest hotel!!!!

desert rose; do you like yourself?hmmm next question

snapdragon; have you ever met or seen in person a celebrity?i took a selfie w a WWE commentator years ago 

night owl; how many countries have you visited?2!

heliotrope; have you ever been in a castle?yea it was fucken sweet

creams and sky; what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done?come out??

lantana; what’s on your mind right now?SLEEPOVER W ZOE TOMORROW

pumpkin patch; what’s your zodiac sign?leo... yknow... nya

tulip; name 5 facts about yourself.-i wear socks to bed bc my feet get cold!!-i have a scar on my wrist from a swinging accident w my little brother-i have a spotify playlist thats 122hrs long bc i just dump albums on there-abba is currently my favorite band-bleeding hearts are my favorite flowers bc they remind me of my late great grandma

daphne; do you believe in karma?yes??

queen of the meadow; ever been in love?yes

wisteria; whom do you admire and why?my dad tbh hes one of the hardest workers i know and has such a shitty job and deals w 90% of my family drama but hes always so positive and funny and i love my dad so damn much

angel’s face; what was your favorite bedtime story as a child?good dog carl

remember me; did you make someone laugh today?i fucken hope so

iris; do you believe in ghosts?YEA

lilac; if you could go back in time which time period would you visit?1979 just so i can go to an abba concert

caramel kisses; would you want to live forever? why/why not?hm no lmao

primula; what makes you sad?school. all these rohan ovas davpro keeps releasing

rain lily; was today typical? why/why not?yea i went to class and disappointed my teacher 

queen anne’s lace; who do you trust the most?zoe

lady’s slipper; what did you have for breakfast today?nothing... and i had nothing for lunch either.... all ive had is some lemonade and poptarts i bought like an hour ago

forget me not; do you have any regrets looking back in your life?going to this damn college

lunaria; what’s your favorite fictional universe?ok star wars universe is rad as fuck

violet; favorite tv show?the office and kitchen nightmares HDJIFDNJF

sunflower; share a favorite quote.god idk man

snowdrop; what does your ideal day look like?im home alone and its raining outside and i have the windows open. i dont have any deadlines to meet and i spend the day drawing 

tiger lily; do you have any hobbies?drawing and crying

peony; share a small random book passage that means something to you.BITCH IDK DO U THINK I READ?????

tea rose; what’s something you always wanted to do but were too scared?catch fireflies but i am SO terrified of all bugs its not funny

honeysuckle; do you usually date people your age or older/younger?my fucken age

sweet pea; who means the world to you? why?okuyasu nijimura means the entire world to me, and heres why (pulls out 50 page essay) no but my little brother

love in the mist; best books you’ve ever read?have yall... dabbled in these books called warriors by erin hunter?

foxglove; who is your favorite cartoon character?im not even into su anymore but amethyst always wins

magnolia; coffee or tea?coffee

crown imperial; would you rather be extremely rich or extremely loved?Why Not Both Thot

snowflake; are you a dog or a cat person?WHY NOT BOTH THOT

bell flower; what is your biggest addiction?hey guys im smoking the latest coolest drug called okuyasu nijimura

cosmos; do you ever think about the galaxy?y...yes

moonflower; what’s your favorite color?yellow

freesia; do you have a good relationship with your parents and siblings? why/why not?yea we tight

sundrop; are you a morning or a night person?night

poppy; have you ever dealt with a mental illness?idk if adhd is a mental illness or not so imma say... maybe

clover; how would your friends describe you?

fucken gay

dandelion; do you consider yourself and extrovert or an introvert?depends :/

lilly; what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do?bitch idk man im an open book i embarrass myself on a daily basis

anemone; describe yourself in 3 words.dumb gay bitch

lotus; best memory as a child?my mom bringing my cat bill home for the first time!!! he was so small.......

angelonia; what is your eye and hair color?brown and brown

dahlia; do you like crystals?yea imma shove my dick in a geode

buttercup; if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?grievous real so i can fuck him

baby’s breath; what’s your hogwarts house?hufflepuff

calendula; biggest pet peeve?specific but when im literally just sitting in the car and one of my parents goes “looks like SOMEONE has an attitude” like?? i was silently looking out the window

blanker flower; would you rather go to a cocktail party with your best friends or stay home and read a book/watch a movie with your pet?friends bc i love them so much

blazing star; share a secret.I DONT HAVE A FUCKEN SECRET

carnation; would you rather live longer or happier?happier

petunia; who’s story is your biggest inspiration in life? why?bitch im too tired to answer this

bluebell; do you wear glasses?no

nymphea; forest or river?river

orchid; do you like exercise?HFDJKSFNDKJSDFNFK WHO TF DO I LOOK LIKE.

pansy; do you like poetry?FUCK poetry

morning glory; any special talent that you have?i can do a good swedish chef impression

[cowboy-crimez]

5 times stan tries to make bill blush plus the 1 time he succeeds

 stanley uris/bill denbrough

tags: modern!au, no pennywise, nothing is Bad Ever, technically it’s a thot stan au, teenaged losers club

@stenbrough this is less of a thot stan au and more of a thot in theory stan au but ty for saying it was okay to use some of ur hc’s !! they’re a hoot and a half

read on ao3

brief a/n: im a minor/around the same as age the characters which is why i felt okay writing/posting this

1.

Stan doesn’t think he’s at all conceited or vain when he says that he’s attractive. At 17 he’s mostly grown into the lanky limbs that plagued his childhood, his face filled out to be nicely angular but still soft and kind. His hair is still curly but now he knows how to style it, knows how to make the curls fall across his forehead, almost into his eyes to make him look cute. The scars around his face from the time that a dog attacked him smoothed out over the years; instead of them being puckered, raised, and uncomfortable, they now lay flat, only paler than the rest of his face. Even those aren’t ugly anymore.

 So Stan doesn’t think he’s too full of himself when he says he’s attractive. And he doesn’t think he’s tooting his own horn when he says that a lot of people are attracted to him, want to date him, even. His only problem is that the one boy who he’s attracted too, and he wants to date, seems to be a fucking idiot.

 “Bill, can you help me with this?” Stan says, twisting a curl around his index finger. Bill nods, and leans across the table where the Losers are eating lunch. He looks down at the binder full of paper in front of Stan.

 “T-t-this is chemistry.” Bill says, looking up at Stan, “I’m shit at chemistry.”

 Fuck. “No, you’re not,” Stan says, biting the end of his pencil a bit. He thinks it gross, the metallic taste, and oh lord, the places the pencil has been. But apparently it’s cute. “Just try to help me, please?”

 Stan flutters his eyelashes a bit. He did it last week with a girl in his history class, and she turned red as a tomato. Bill looks at him, tilts his head. For a second, Stan thinks he finally has him.

 “D-do you have something in your e-e-yes?”

 Stan sighs. Out of all the boys in the school, it had to be Bill.

 2.

 I really commit and sacrifice so much for style, Stan thinks, dragging his feet along. His boots are way too heavy, and his pants are a bit too tight to be comfortable, but, fuck, if they don’t make his - admittedly, flat - ass look good. It rained recently, so the ground is damp but the air is fresh.

 Another sacrifice: all he has is his off the shoulder sweatshirt, so if it rains again, he’s screwed.

 He walks up to Bill’s door, knocks, and a few moments later Gerogie opens the door.

 “Bill?” he asks. Stan nods, and Georgie closes the door slightly, so he can turn and yell, “Bill! Stan is here!” before opening the door again.

 “What’s up, Georgie?” Stan asks, laughing at his antics. He’s growing up too fast, Stan thinks, and he knows that soon Bill will be crying over how big his baby brother is. Richie sometimes jokes that when they go off to college, Bill will cry the most purely because he’ll be leaving Georgie behind, and Stan has to admit, he might not be wrong.

 He makes small talk with Georgie for a few minutes, not much to talk about since he saw him only a few days ago. Bill comes clamoring down the stairs, and starts pulling on his shoes. He waves, and Stan waves back. Bill grabs his car keys from the key hook, ruffles Georgie’s hair and shuts the door behind him.

 Ever since he got his license and his car, he’s basically been the group’s personally taxi. As Stan climbs into the front seat, he has a brief moment where he imagines kissing him in the back seat, Bill’s long fingers tangling into his curls. Bill’s lips are always slightly chapped; Stan wonders how they’d feel against his own soft ones. The thought leaves quickly, and Stan is left there, face a bit warmer, as Bill turns the car key.

 They drive to the library where they’re meeting Mike and Eddie. Bill parks and shuts the car off. As Stan opens the door he sees the library steps, and the perfect plan pops into his head. He makes sure to walk a little bit faster than Bill, just enough so that he’s a few steps ahead, but not enough for it to be suspect. Even with Bill’s much longer legs, Stan reaches the steps first, and puts his plan into action.

 He makes sure that when he steps he moves his hips more than strictly necessary, aware that he’ll be at the perfect height for Bill to look at his butt. He’s about halfway up when he hears Bill mumble something to him, still at the bottom of the stairs.

 “What?” Stan asks, turning his head slightly, as he takes another step. Except with the damp ground and his clunky boots, instead of gracefully taking a step, the toe of the boot gets stuck on the lip of the stair. “Fuck!”

 Stan’s knees hit the concrete, and his forehead hits the flat of the library entrance.

 “Oh my god, S-s-stan, are you o-okay?” Bill asks, rushing up the stairs to kneel next to him.

 “Fuck, shit, piss, fuck,” Stan grumbles, putting a hand to his forehead as he turns to sit on the offending stairs. “Ow. Am I bleeding?”

 Bill gently takes a hold of Stan’s hand, moving it away from his head. For a moment, Stan think this would be so sweet, if he hadn’t just ate shit in front of his crush.

 Bill inspects him for a moment, “No, b-b-ut you’ll have a n-n-nasty bruise later.”

 Stan pouts, “Help me up.” He makes grabby hands, and Bill laughs, standing up, before pulling Stan up too.

 If Stan is limping slightly when walking into the library, Bill doesn’t mention it. He doesn’t get the same luxury when he goes home later that evening and his mom freaks out over the huge blue mark on his forehead.

 3.

 Eddie’s house is always too warm. His mother must pay a fortune on heating. Ever since Eddie got into a huge fight with her when he was 13, she’s loosened her grip slightly, especially after he couch surfed on all their couches for a few days when she refused to change her ways.

 But she still refuses to let the house to cold, less her precious baby Eddie bear catch a cold in the night. So whenever the losers hang out there, they always end up sweating, stripping out of their coats, hoodies, and sometimes shirts within minutes.

 Richie, since he goes over the most, came up with the perfect solution: bring popsicles. Even though it’s hailing outside, the Losers are inside, not really watching their Texas Chainsaw Massacre marathon, and eating the fruity popsicles that Richie brought over.

 Someone is screaming on screen, but they’re too busy listening to Beverly’s reenactment of how some kid managed to flip his desk in math while leaning back in his chair.

 “So it’s dead silent, Cole and Phillip are getting absolutely destroyed by Ms. Jackson, and then BAM! All we see is papers flying everywhere-” She takes a break, laughing too hard at the memory. Bill smiles at her. Even though his crush is long gone, Stan knows that there’s a Beverly shaped soft spot in his heart, probably right next to the Georgie shaped on. Stan wonders if there’s a spot in there that will be shaped like him one day.

 A drip from the popsicle runs down his hand, onto his wrist. Stan starts to lean in to lick it off, when he notices that Bill’s eyes have shifted from Beverly onto him. Without thinking, Stan meets his gaze, sticking his tongue out as he runs it up his arm, catching the juice on his tongue. He’s moving more slowly than necessary, but no one else has seemed to notice him. He sees Bill gulp, his own popsicle melting in his hand, forgotten. Stan takes that as a sign to continue.  He runs his tongue up his own popsicle - strawberry flavoured - and once he gets to the tip, he slowly puts it into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks as much as he thinks will look hot.

 Bill is still watching him, even though Beverly has recovered enough to continue her story. For a second, Stan thinks maybe he should quit while he’s ahead, most of the popsicle isn’t in his mouth and he can see the tips of Bill’s ears are pink.

But that could be the heat. It could be because they came from the outside only a few minutes ago, so it could be the temperature change. Stan wants, no, needs  to know that Bill is red because of him.

 So he keeps pushing, looking right at Bill, who’s eyes keep flickering from his lips to meeting Stan’s gaze. Stan can almost feel it at the back of his throat, and he’s about to pull it out, having enough evidence that he thinks proves his point. But then Mike starts laughing, and his arm flies out and nudges Stan’s arm, the one that’s holding his popsicle.

 Then Stan’s eyes go wide, pulling the popsicle out of his mouth quickly, as he retches.

 “Oh my god, if you throw up on my carpet, I’m kicking you out.” Eddie says, from where he’s laying on his bed. Stan doesn’t reply, only covering his mouth with his free hand as he gags and coughs. Mike pats him on the back, saying, “Sorry!” over and over again.

 Stan waves it him off, “It’s okay.” he says weakly, eyes a little watery. His face is red, and while it’s mostly from choking, a part of it is because Bill saw him choke while he was trying to be sexy.

 Stan doesn’t meet Bill’s gaze for the rest of the night. He finishes eating his popsicle normally.

 4.

 It’s a warm weekend, and for the first time in years they ride their bikes around again. When they all got to be 16, they stopped, thinking it was too childish, too immature for them. Then they started getting licenses and cars, so for most of them, their once cherished bikes sat in the back of their garage. But Ben texted them all the night before saying that it’d be fun to ride around town for all times sake, go by their usually haunts, old and new.

 For once, Stan decides to dress for the weather, not for the secret fashion show that is constantly going on inside his head. He puts on sneakers, the first (okay, third or fourth) t-shirt that he sees, a zip up hoodie, and a pair of shorts that he knows he won’t care about if they get dirty.

 They have fun, riding around town, stopping to get snacks, window shopping, the likes. Richie falls off his bike twice, and Stan always has fun laughing at him, especally when he knows it’s not a serious accident. They throw their bikes down on the grass at the quarry, sit around and hang out. At some point Mike shows off his double jointed elbow (just one) which makes Eddie gag, and then the coversation is about flexabilty. Richie can put his foot behind his head, and while doing that he falls off the rock he’s sitting on. Beverly can do a back bridge and walk. Ben surprises all of them by also being able to put a foot behind his head, and unlike Richie, doesn’t fall. Eddie admits that the only reason he can touch his toes is because his leg to arm ratio is way messed up, and that he’s not flexible at all. Bill isn’t flexible, but he can do a handstand and cartwheels. Then, they’re all looking at Stan, waiting to see what he can pull out of his sleeve.

“I can do the splits.” He says.

 “Bullshit.” Richie replies, “You can’t.”

 “Can to!”

 “Prove it!”

 Stan huffs, stands up from his log, brushes off his pants and walks a few steps to wear there ground is flat. As he’s starting to spread his legs - one in front of him and one behind - he notices that he’s closest to Bill. He starts lowering himself, low enough that his palms can be flat on the ground.

 Richie wolf whistles, and for a moment Stan stops so that he can flip him off. He looks up when he’s a few inches from touching the ground, and sees Bill staring, mouth agape. Stan smirks slightly, then smiles sweetly at him.

 Then his back foot slips, and what was a slow descent is now a fast drop, arms not quick enough to stop him, and his crotch, from hitting the ground without warning.

 Stan screams.

 “FUCK ME, HOLY SHIT, FUCKING-” Stan groans, arms giving out and torso flopping over, so his forehead touches his knee.

 He can hear Richie laughing in the background as he moans in pain. He wills his arms to move to try and push him back up, but he’s at an angle where it’s hard, and his thighs hurt now, refusing to move.

 “I’m stuck.” He groans. “Holy fuck, I swear, if one of you doesn’t help me right now I will murder you.”

 “How you gonna kill us if you can’t even stand?” Richie asks, still snorting. Bill stands up, slowly makes his way over to Stan.

 “G-give me your hands.” He says. Stan raises his arms, hold onto Bill’s elbows as he grabs his forearms. Planting his feet, he starts to lift Stan up.

 He thought that getting out of the painful position would feel good, but instead it feels like Hell, so he groans in pain again as Bill lifts him up. Once he’s high enough that he can move his legs independently, he automatically brings them together, letting go of Bill so he can drop to his knees and hunch over. Forehead pressed to the dirt and hands between his legs, he lets out one more scream.

 “Richie, I blame you!”

 Stan decides to walk his bike home that day.

 5.

Stan and Bill are in Bill’s bedroom. Alone. In his bedroom. Alone. Not that it hasn’t happened before. When they were younger they hung out alone all the time. Hell, they hung out alone a few days ago. But a few days ago Stan wasn’t wearing a crop top and tight fitting jeans, sunglasses perched on top of his head, as he leaned over Bill’s shoulder to watch a video on his phone.

 Stan’s always been aware that Bill grew up well, but this close he can really see how much he grew up. His shoulders are wider than they were when he was 13. His cheekbones more prominent. He’s still tall and thin, but years of baseball and noncompetitive football with Mike, Ben and Richie made his arms a bit more muscular, legs and thighs a bit thicker. With his head almost on Bill’s shoulder, he can see the tiniest amount of stubble on his chin, in places where the razor missed. Even his stutter is getting better, and sometimes through the pride of seeing a friend get over an insecurity, Stan almost misses the day when Bill would stumble over his words, have to slow down and speak clearly. It feels like they’re all growing up, and Stan isn’t sure how to feel about that.

 The video ends, and Stan can’t say that he really paid attention to it. Bill looks at him. Stan has nothing to say, so he just stares.

 Bill’s eyes flicker from Stan’s lips to his hairline, unwilling to make eye contact. Stan doesn’t have any tricks up his sleeve, nothing to try and seduce him with. He bites his lip without thinking.

 Bill leans a bit closer. Stan has to sit up straighter in order to get closer to him. Bill presses his forehead against Stan’s, noses almost touching.

 Stan’s eyes flicker close as he feels Bill’s breath against his lips. If he concentrates he swears he can already feel them brush, feels the chappedness of Bill’s against his own, can taste the peppermint of the gum he was chewing a few minutes ago.

 Stan is about to lean up a little bit more, close the almost microscopic distance between them, when he hears a loud knock and, “Billie! Billie! You said you would drive me to swimming lessons today!”

 Bill leans away as Stan’s eyes shoot open, a blush covering his face, working its away down his neck when Georgie opens the door.

 “Billie, I’m going to be late.” Georgie says with a pout, already in his swimming trunks and a hoodie, towel thrown over his shoulder, “Come on.”

 “I’ll be d-d-down in a minute, Georgie, go put your shoes on.” George nods and leaves the room, pointedly not closing the door. Stan looks down at his lap, plays with the fraying edge of a hole in his jeans.

 “Do you w-w-want a ride home? I’m sure I could just drop him off, drop you off t-t-t-then make it back to his lesson.” Bill asks, always the gentleman. His face isn’t red, and even his stutter is just from the fact that he stutters, not embarrassment. Stan shakes his head.

 “No, it’s fine. I can just walk home.” He stands up and quickly makes his way out of Bill’s room, rushes down stairs and pulls his shoes on. His face is still warm as he says bye to Georgie, giving him the customary high five.

 When he gets home, he doesn’t slam the door to his room, even though he wants too. He quietly closes it, then lays face down in bed and wonders why he has to like such a fucking dumbass.

 +1.

 They haven’t spoken about The Incident as Stan likes to think of it. Stan continues to wear the same clothes, make the same suggestive looks, and laugh at the same dumb jokes that Bill makes. He’s good at acting like nothing is different. Except now, he can see Bill making suggestive looks back at him, can feel it when Bill places a hand on his arm for a second too look, can hear the flirtation tone in his voice when Bill tells him that he looks good, that his pants make his legs look good or that his shirt is showing off his midriff.

 But nothing changes. They still hang out with the same people, and they still hang out alone with nothing happening.

 Bill is driving Stan to a drive in theatre that they wanted to go to,  the next town over. The rest of the Losers were either working, busy or were on one-on-one dates. It’s just him and Bill. Alone in a car for 45 minutes there, two back to back movies then 45 minutes back.

 Stan is tired of waiting for change.

 “Pull over.” He says suddenly, making Bill jump a bit.

 “Why?” he asks, glancing over, “Do you f-feel sick?”

 “Just pull over.” Stan repeats. Bill nods, indicates, and pulls over to the side, cutting the engine, and looking at Stan with concern.

 Stan unbuckles his seatbelt and leans towards Bill. He puts his hands on either side of his face.

 “You’re such an idiot,” is the first thing he says, “I have been flirting with you since I was 14 years old, and you have been flirting with me since you were 16. You are literally the most beautiful person I have ever met, the sweetest person in the world, one of the most caring, but you’re so dumb for not making a move yet.”

 The bridge of Bill’s nose is a light pink, “Well, you c-c-could have made one by n-now too.”

 “Shut up.” Stan says, before pressing his lips against Bill’s. His chapped lips are rough against his own, but it’s not unpleasant. Bill’s fingers get tangled in his curls, just like he always imagined. Stan smiles against Bill’s lips when one of Bill’s hands rests against his waist.

 When they pull apart, Bill’s face is red, and for once, Stan’s isn’t. He grins at Bill, and leans back in.

 They don’t make it to the drive in theatre.

[meitanreax]

day 6

hey bebs!!! we’re almost at the halfway mark!!! we can do it!!!!! keep on going and stay strong!! thanks for calling me so much this afternoon/the previous night too!!! and our upcoming call in the morning too ^.^ OUR COMM IS STILL SO CUTE I CANT GET OVER IT!!!! im a big fan <3 it blew up on twitter too surprisingly, it has like 25 rt’s and like 200 likes LOL our comm is one of the artist’s more liked posts!!!

i really appreciate and love how well this is going!! we’ve grown a lot since the last time and we keep on growing everytime we’re apart!! im rlly glad!! we learn a lot from our mistakes & the past and im glad looking forward :D thanks for making this work baby!! i know 16-17 hours is tough but we’re literally almost at halfway point!!!!!!! we got this hehe i love and miss you so much! sorry i dont think ive been saying it that much or been making it super clear but i rlly do!!

hehe

today was a relatively chill day!! just woke up around 8 cuz of the KARAOKE THOTS...theyre literally still going rn and it’s 9 pm LFMLDKJFLDKJF please help me TT_TT

AND THEN i just stayed in bed til like 12 on my phone/laptop n shtuff! :3 i was only able to sleep for 5 hours cuz of the dumb karaoke stupid thots...sigh i am so LOL

but yeah!! i just chilled and then i ate breakfast/brunch downstairs and then napped for like 1.5 hours before i called u! o: 

i literally just was watching videos, catching up on subscriptions, playing mobile legends, etc!!! i just wanna have a day where i stay in and dont do anything fully LOL and i dont need to leave or dress up or anything!!! here are some photos from downstairs/the christmas tree!!

i called u O: and then afterwards when u left to sleep, my dad wanted to buy some halo-halo and ez had errands to run so we went to the mall..dude it was so CROWDED UGH LOL dummy!! i get so tired when i go out in public sometimes and i just want 2 sleep fml

at the mall, i got halo-halo!! and appetizers at this restaurant idk, i had eggrolls and these really good like fried clam scallops?? idk how to describe it but it was fucking GOOD im O_O but yah!! the halo-halo was ok LOL i thot there was too much ube ice cream but i liked the consistency of it cuz it was like bingsoo iced ube instead of just like........ice cream ice cream LOL

dude it was fucking FAT so i shared it with my cousin LOL

afterwards we walked around and went to a book store!!! cuz my cousin wanted to get acrylic paint stuff cuz her artist stuff LOL i was looking around and saw this book and i thot it was SOOO FUNNY LOL

imagine having a FLUFFY BOOK OMG the left one is cute, but the right one is lowkey scary ASKSDKFJSLDFKJ there was a gray version of it too!!!

we just walked around tbh and we got a screen protector for ez’s new phone and then we went to a store to get a shirt for some secret santa thing and dude like some random filipino girl started singing silent night fucking LOUD and i was liek wtf is going on LOL this botch is singing like throughout the entire store it was so loud i was legitimately like PLEASE. STOP LFSJLDFKJSLDFKJSLDKFJ it was soo try hard too cuz she was obviously trying to fake an american accent LMAO

T.T then my aunt picked us up from the mall and we went to the hospital to wait for her to drive us back home cuz she had another patient LOL 

the hospital was lowkey kinda rundown and jank and very like...yah obviously built a long time ago/had kinda bad resources but they extended it and she showed us to like the “off-limits, in construction” portion of the other hospital wing kinda like stranger things HAHAHA but it was completely different and modern!! it was lowkey scary tho like bRO LIKE THE LIGHTS WERE OFF AND THE HALLS WERE LONG AND EMPTY...BUT THE INFRASTRUCTURE WAS NICE

but yah that’s p much it!! i went home and ate dinner and now im chillen again :3 gonna shower soon, wait for ur call, and ktfo!! apparently we have a fuckin family reunion thing/party tomorrow e_e im not looking forward to it im so tired dude i do not like LOL i hate these family functions theres too much energy to talk to people and i hate dressing up for it. dude wearing makeup here is so annoying cuz u just feel disgusting at the end of the day by how humid it is LOL

but anyways!!!

here’s my response to ur challenge <3 

LOL i tried my best but they look more chibi if u make their eyes bigger :D

for your challenge for the next day:

make a photo collage of ur favorite moments of us together this year :3 like any photos, or any dumb selfies, screenshots etc!! like make it cute and stuff HAHA cuz i may want to or u may want to post it :3 just a cute recap hehe

thanks so much for everything bebz! have fun at the spa and let me know how it is ^__^ ill try to hold out a lil bit more for you LOOOL i literally just need to get through up to new years and i can fucking. live. and SEE YOU SOON HEHE

have a good rest of the day baby!! i love you so so so much, ill talk to you real soon! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, FOREVER, MORE THAN ANYTHING WITH ALL MY HEART :DDD

[passionatefanfictionbka]

Chrianna Interlude: The Spanish Inquisition

*For @4yourheartonly* Chris leaned his head against the closed door, attempting to hear the muffled voices of his girlfriend and her friend. He didn’t know what was going on with her but something was up. Rihanna groaned, “Melissa, I don’t know what to do.” “How about not bring more people in, turning the quiet into chaos? Why is it so hard for y’all to exist in silence?” “Nobody said it was hard. This is just, I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I’m playing myself.” “Not yet but you’re about to.” “What are you saying?” “Robyn, you are about to cause a whirlwind of rumors and bullshit for what? We both know what this is and it’s not as serious as everyone else is about to believe.” “And how do you know?” “Because you wouldn’t have called me complaining if it was. You would’ve just did what you wanted and left it alone without asking for my input. You are unsure, vulnerable and BS-ing yourself and Chris.” “Me and Chris have an understanding.” “Really? And what kind of understanding is that? You get to fuck niggas while wearing the jewelry he bought you?” “He was fucking thots wearing my gifts so what are you talking about?” “Was he really or is that what you trying to convince yourself of?” “Melissa…” “Robyn, this is gonna be a shit show and I’m telling you Chris is not the same Chris from years ago, you might not get a reaction that you can handle.” “What are you saying?” “Think about it.” Chris’s brow furrowed as he moved from the door and left downstairs before she caught him ear hustling. Sure, they weren’t where they were supposed to be relationship-wise but apparently she had been second-guessing this all along. “Robyn Rihanna Fenty, this isn’t worth it,” Melissa stressed. “Look, I just wanna have some fun. I deserve that. I am owed that.” “Ok, just don’t call me when it blows up in your face.” “It’s not.” “Ok. So what are you gonna tell Chris?” “Why do I have to tell him anything?” “So you really gonna go to Spain, do whatever and not tell him? Seriously?” “Melissa…” “Robyn, pictures will be taken. People are gonna see. Why would you let social media spring this on him?” “What exactly am I supposed to tell him? I don’t know what to say.” “I don’t know but don’t blindside the man like this.” “I don’t even know why you’re bringing him up in this. It has nothing to do with him.” “Lie to yourself but don’t lie to me. It has everything to do with him and you know it.” “Melissa, I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.” “Ok. Good luck. Have fun.” “Mel-“ Rihanna was cut off as Melissa hung up. Rihanna groaned as she tossed her phone in her purse and grabbed her suitcase off the bed. Looking around to make sure everything was in its place, she left out of the bedroom, dragging her suitcase behind her. Heading to the living room, she noticed Chris sitting on the couch with his headphones in his ears. She sighed as she sat her purse on top of her suitcase and walked over to him. Melissa was somewhat right, she at least owed him a heads up. They hadn’t been lying to each other and she didn’t want to start now. Taking one earphone out of his ear, Rihanna sat down on the couch next to him, “you ok?” Chris glanced over at her, “I’m fine. I thought you were leaving.” “I am. I just wanted to make sure we were good before I left.” “We’re good. I’m sure your car should be here soon.” “Chris, don’t be like this.” “Don’t worry about me. We just have an understanding remember.” “Were you eavesdropping?” “Not intentionally. I was going to my room and heard you on the phone. So what’s up?” “I’m going on vacation.” “Ok?” “And I don’t want you to think I’m trying to- I don’t know.” “Why are you explaining yourself to me? You’re a grown woman, go do what you want.” “Christopher…” “I’m not Christopher right now. Nor am I Chris.” “So what do you want me to call you? Breezy is for your hoes and I ain’t one of them.” “Ok so what other option does that leave you?” “You know you don’t have to be such an ass about it.” “What? You want my blessing to go on your Thotcation Summer 17? As you’ve made very clear, at least to everyone else but me, we simply have an understanding. You do you and I’ll do me and leave it at that so Rihanna, I’m gonna do exactly that. Anything else you wanna say to me?” “Chris, I was trying to be honest with you.” “Ok. And?” “I don’t wanna leave with us like this.” “Like what? You’re good. I’m good. We’re good. Go enjoy yourself, try not to make too many bad decisions like I did, thotting is a dangerous sport.” Rihanna groaned and angrily stomped off. Rihanna plopped down on the couch of her villa just as her phone rang. She sighed when she noticed it was Melissa calling. “Yes Mel?” “You didn’t waste no time huh?” “What are you talking about?” “You must haven’t been on Instagram and Twitter.” “No. Why?” “Go see for yourself.” Minimizing the phone call screen, she pulled up her social media and groaned loudly, “Already?” “I told you so.” “Damn, not even one minute to myself.” “Did I not warn you about those paps? I told you this would happen but seems like everybody is so happy for you. When’s the wedding?” Rihanna rolled her eyes, “don’t play with me.” “I’m not. You and your new boo look serious.” “I’m not talking to you anymore.” “Chris call you?” “I haven’t spoken to him since I left.” “Hmm… and how’d he take that?” “I’m surprised he didn’t call you.” “I never said he didn’t but we didn’t talk about you, wasn’t a good topic to converse about at the time.” “I mean he just kind of shrugged it off.” “Hmm… I’m actually not surprised. He has been highly unbothered lately.” “Mel, you aren’t helping.” “What? So are you having fun?” “What do you think?” “I mean pictures only tell part of the story but you seem to be enjoying yourself.” “Melissa, I’m not in the mood for your sarcasm.” “So where’s Mr. Living La Vida Loca, I wanna meet him?” “No.” “No? You wouldn’t let him meet your bestfriend, I mean that is your boyfriend.” “I’m gonna hang up on you.” “Now why would you do that?” Rihanna froze as she heard Chris’s voice. How was he on the phone? “Chris?” “Hey, what’s up?” “Wha- what is going on here?” “Nothing. I wanted to check on you but I figured you’d just ignore my phone call so Mel patched me in on three-way.” “Have you been listening this whole time?” “No. So you ok?” “I’m fine.” “That’s good. Well that’s all I wanted, I’ma hang-“ “No wait. Are we good?” “I told you when you left that we were good. Why do you keep asking me that?” “I don’t know. It’s just-“ “We have an understanding right? Do whatever you want, I hope you find whatever it is you’re searching for. Well I gotta get back to work.” “Chris…” She was met with silence and groaned before saying, “Breezy…” “What’s up?” “You are not seriously gonna be like this.” “Like what?” “I’m not gonna call you Breezy just for you to talk to me.” “I mean according to you stressing our understanding, that leaves us not committed to each other so you’re not my girlfriend or my wife at the moment so that doesn’t leave you too many options.” “Are you mad at me?” “Nope.” “Are you gonna be mad at me?” “Nope.” “Do you wanna be mad at me?” “Nope.” “Do you still wanna be my friend?” “I am your friend, that hasn’t changed. It didn’t change through our last phases so why would it change now? I just want you to be happy and you look like you are so enjoy yourself. I’m not gonna stand in your way.” “You love me?” “Always. Have fun. Maybe I’ll see you whenever you decide to come back. Later.” Rihanna paused for a moment before asking, “did he hang up?” “Yea,” Melissa replied,“So what you getting into?” “Going to a sport event this afternoon. I actually just came back to my room to change.” “Oh. Well let me know what happens. I’ll talk to you later.” “Mel.” “Robyn, you have to do what’s right for you, not anybody else. Enjoy yourself, just be careful with the decisions you make. We’re all here for you and just want you to be happy. If this is it, then it is what it is. Just make sure you don’t do something that’ll make it harder for you to come back from if it isn’t.” “Is everyone just waiting for this to fail?” “No, we’re just waiting for you to finally get it right, in the way you want it to be.” Rihanna sighed. “We love you and nobody is gonna make you feel bad about the decisions you make. Be happy and I mean really happy. You know who my vote has always been for but I’ll ride for whoever does you right the way you want to be done.” “Thanks Sis.” “No problem but can you calm down all that wide mouth kissing? You looked like a damn trout fish.” “Bitch, fuck you!” “Not my fault it looked like you was trying to swallow his face.” Rihanna laughed, “you ain’t shit.” “I’m saying though, was the sex good? What about his dick?” “I mean it was different.” “Better than someone else?” “I’m not going there. I’m not comparing it.” “That just told me everything I needed to know.” “And what you mean by that?” “Oh nothing. Well Sis, I’ll talk to you later. You not mad about me patching Chris in?” “I wanna be but no.” “Cool. Talk to you later. Love you.” “Love you too.” Rihanna hung up. “Did you hear that?” Mel asked. “Yea, I heard,” Chris replied. “Is that what you wanted to hear?” “She sounds happy, that’s all I wanted to make sure of.” “Chris, you don’t have to play the tough guy role with me.” “I’m not playing. It’s been what 5 years of this. It’d be very naïve of me to act surprised or shocked.” “But you are. This was kind of left field.” “Was it really?” “Chris, none of us knew about this.” “Robyn does nothing on total impulse so yea this guy may have come out of left field but her actions didn’t.” “So what are you gonna do?” “What I normally do. I’ma wait it out and see what happens. I’m not her man, remember?” “Chris…” “Alright Sis, I gotta go. Just make she’s ok and nothing happens to her.” “Chris, you could call her.” “Part of letting her do her is for me not to interrupt so I’d rather not. I’ll talk to you later.” “Alright. Later.” They hung up.

[petestarebanks]

this turned into a lot of talking i’m drunk sorry

since i love talking about myself and i’m working on finishing all the random cider/alcoholic drinks in my fridge i appeciate @chitown-sounder for tagging me in this

1) How tall are you? I’m 5′7″ and I don’t have anything else to say about that. 

2) What Color And Style Is Your Hair? My hair is medium brown which is v boring I want to dye it like daaaaaaark brown in an attempt to match my fingernails and my wardrobe which are both slowly entering the shadow realm until I can finally take my rightful place as an all powerful witch of darkness where I belong. Lately I’ve been working on growing my hair back out, right now it’s just below the middle of my back bc a year and a half ago I decided I wanted to go back to the bob I had in senior year of high school. Generally speaking my hair is an awful mess.

3) What Color Are Your Eyes? Depending on the day/weather/my mood/the color of my shirt it varies between blues and greens and greys. I wish I was constantly crying so they could be green always. 

4) Do You Wear Glasses? Yeah and tbh people always ask me why I don’t wear contacts and like why the fuck would I? When I got glasses in the 10th grade (After 3 years of staring at a computer screen bc I got obsessed with writing and never wanted to leave the house I developed near-sightedness like a fuckin dope) I was hype af they somehow made my face look less round imo like honestly my glasses make me look older and less pudgy and I fuck with that shit. I, like my dawg Cody, also am getting new glasses in like a week or so (They’ll be in on the 11th and I’m reeeeady) and I got 2 pairs, one of which is the same rectangle shape I’ve always had and the other one is more fahionable and maybe I’ll like them??? I better bc they were expensive but they were literally buy one get one free so....... Idk they’re more round shaped I can’t wait to put new accessories on my face

5) Do You Have Braces? I never did and it’s funny I always had a fucked up dental situation ok my front 4 teeth on the top were shaped like |_|_/\_||_| it wasn’t a gap or anything my teeth were just angled like that??? Apparently there was a bone in my gum where it shouldn’t have been and it was keeping my teeth from growing right and so when I was like 8 they did a removal of all 4 teeth like - ya girl was in the third grade missing my 4 front teeth??????????? Embarrassing anyway they took out the teeth and when I went back a few months later to get the bone out there was literally no bone there? There was no explanation for it it just wasn’t there and my teeth grew back in perfect. My teeth aren’t perfect by any means like I have a severe overbite and my lower row has a small gap in the front and also I had a fuckin tooth that grew in the middle of the roof of my fucking mouth????????????????????????? Teeth are so weird anyway that tooth got taken out and I’m just here living with a semi-ok mouf now

6) What Is Your Fashion Sense? Whatever I feel like wearing when I get out of bed 15 mins before I’m supposed to be at work lmao whatever takes the least effort and still looks put together enough. There’s a lot of black and particularly black leggings bc they almost pass for dress pants which works for my job. Also a lot of camisoles paired with shawl/overshirt things idk what they’re called. And jean shorts whenever I’m not at work.

7) Do You Have Any Siblings? I have 4 step sibs and 3 sisters - my sister Candace is 28 and got married last year, we always argue about politics (we are on the same side but she is a realist and I’m a romantic) but we love each other even though she makes me cry from emotions and frustration. My step brother John is 27 and he’s always been a fuckin dickhead even when we were kids and they were just my neighbors and not my step sibs - yes my father is dating a woman who used to live across the street from us in the neighborhood I grew up in - He is v strong and has strong opinions, has a lot of tattoos and is a misogynist. My sister Jackie is 26 and is a human fucking landfill who I haven’t spoken directly to in 4 months bc she got mad at me when I showed concern about her boyfriend being abusive, then he did beat her ass and when I tried to talk to her about it she fuckin blocked me on Facebook. Oh yeah and she’s pregnant with his kid and won’t stop smoking cigars. Fucking landfill. My step sis Amanda is 23, always a good time even if she’s a super thot, she has 2 babies who I love more than anything and she lets men make a fool out of her more often than not. I love her. My step brother Chris is my fave step sib mainly bc he went from being an actual juvenile delinquent, arrested and then on parole at age 15 even, to being the first of his family to graduate high school on the same day as me, with a steady job and a wife and a baby and paying his own bills I’M SO PROUD OF HIM. My step sister Tory is 19 and she doesn’t have a real name she’s just Tory, is a bigger fuckin thot than Amanda literally this bitch is in the DM’s of every dude I know and I’m not shaming her like boo do whatever u wanna do but be better at it? Be a boss ass bitch and don’t let ppl make fun of u for being a human disaster?  My younger half-sister Dalaney (Literally, named after Dale Earnhardt thanks to my trash father lmao) is 11 and she lives with her mother in Minnesota. She comes to see us every summer and she is so fucking funny, she is a tomboy and she is a sassmaster just like the rest of us I love her sfm. 

8) What Kind Of Student Are You? I was an honors sudent, took AP classes and barely skirted by (But passed the final exams while my geek fuckin classmates sobbed bc they failed lmao) I graduated with a 4.89 so like, I was litty. I never studied bc why would i read the same thing twice? I also missed a day a week from 6th grade to graduation, bc I was “sick” but really I didn’t feel like going. My mom thought I was lactose intolerant bc I faked sick so much. One time Amanda and I let my mom drive us to school only to walk home (3 miles) and get stopped by a police officer 20 feet from my front door, he wanted to know why we weren’t at school and we lied and said we missed the bus but our moms were fine with us not going to school that day. That fuckin cop offered us a ride to school so we had no choice but to go to school after all that!!!! Then in senior year when my mom left me to live with Jackie I was literally missing 2-3 weeks at a time until the AP was like “If u miss 40 days of school this semester you will be considered a drop out” and I was like “Fuck” so I finished and graduated and never went to college because fuck the education system tbq fuckin h. 

9) What Are Your Favorite Subjects? Math, History, English, Human Geography. I loved learning, that was why I never wanted to be at school, everything was fucking boring but when I had the right teachers, in these subjects in particular, I actually wanted to be there. 

10) What Are Your Favorite TV Shows? I never watched TV until like the last year, I finally got a Netflix subscription and caught up on shit people have been raving about for years but I was completely late on - Shameless, Orange Is The New Black, American Horror Story, Bates Motel, How To Get Away With Murder, in particular. Otherwise I just watch sports. Literally the only reason I pay for cable is so I can watch sports. 

11) Favorite Books? BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH Scott WESTERFELD ANRD NEAL SHUSTERMAN. LIKE OK I’LL BE A HARRY POTTER STAN ALL MY LIFE. BUT. SCOTT WESTERFELD WROTE AN INGENIOUS SERIES ABOUT SOCIETAL STANDARDS OF BEAUTY (uglies/pretties/specials/extras) AND ALSO HIS VAMPIRE SERIES WHERE VAMPIRISM WAS TRANSMitted through sex and cats (peeps, the last days) WERE THE ONLY VAMPIRE BOOKS I EVER READ LMAOOOO. then, fucking neal. fucking neal shusterman changed my entire life for the better with a series about a future where the pro-life/prochoice battle turned into parents literally having the option of just, not dealing with their unruly teens anymore by having their body parts fucking dispersed to ppl who needed like new hearts, arms, etc (unwind/unwholly/unsouled/undivided) FUCKING ICONIC and also THE SERIES NEAL WROTE ABOUT KIDS WHO DIED AND WERE STUCK IN LIMBO BC THIS EVIL BITCH WOULDN’T LET THEM GO TO HEAVEN (everlost/everwild/everfound) GOD I LOVE BOOKS SO FUCKING MUCH OK. ALSO FOR MY NON-RELIGIOUS ASS EAST OF EDEN BY JOHN STEINBECK IS FUCKIN EVERYTHING. LIFE OF PI ALSO FUCK AND TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD BOOKS ARE GREAT.

12) Favorite Pastimes? If I’m not Netflix binging or watching sports or going to the movies with my friends or drinking with the one friend I have who I can drink with, I’m writing. I have literally 25 characters now I’m fucking trash but I love them all so much ok leave me alone. 

13) Any Regrets? Nah I think I’m the smartest most reasonable person on the planet so I think everything I do is right and not questionable at all lmao. 

14) What Is Your Dream Job? Huh. Hard to say. I’m doing something I love now, and my boss has been in the business for 20 years and his business pulls in 5 mil a year so like.......... I could stand to keep doing this for a long time. Honestly I’ve never had a direction in life so now that I found an occupation that I love I think this might be my dream job. 

15) Do You Want To Get Married? No lmao marriage is a patriarchal social construct and what’s the point? To legally be able to call someone mine? I don’t like people enough to want to spend my entire life with one. 

16) Do You Want To Have Kids? I never in my life want to give birth to a child. That shit is not for me. I have 5 nieces and nephews, a pregnant sister, and another sister who plans on having at least 2 someday. I don’t need no babies. I’ll be the cool vodka aunt who encourages my trash siblings’ kids to follow their hearts and encourages them to be gay if they’re feeling gay. I have always liked the idea of waiting until I’m like 40-45 and rich, and adopting a 10-12 y/o kid bc those kids never get adopted and I’ll just be the best parent to them. 

17) How Many Countries Have You Visited? I’ve never left the United States lmao. Fuck me right???????????????/

I have finished 3 bottles of beer/beer-like substance while writing this and the Rangers just fuckin lost go figure. I want @gingeronastick and @chrisarchers to do this and also whoever else feels like it ok ily babes

[ralphmorgan-blog1]

5 Types Of Holiday Instagrams Nobody Wants To See

The holiday season is upon us, and I’m already tired of the nonsense happening on my Instagram feed. We’re barely into the month of November, and I’ve seen enough extra-ness to make me want to unsubscribe from everyone for the rest of my goddamn life. Like, it’s one thing to watch Bella Thorne a person be extra all year long, but people take it to the next fucking level during the holiday season. I don't know if they're bored from hanging out with their family or just drunk from October 31st through January 2nd, but either way my news feed is like an episode of one giant cry for help. And because I love to talk shit educate the masses, I’ve taken it upon myself to tell you all which of you are pissing me off the least winning at life and which of you need to cancel your holiday Instagrams ASAP. You’re welcome.

1. Turkey Thot Shots

You know the girl I’m talking about here. The one who shows up to the Thanksgiving dinner table in a club dress and thigh-high boots that makes you question the maternity sweat pants Thanksgiving outfit you showed up in and makes your MeMaw question if there is a God. The same girl who takes one look at the dinner her mother slaved over for two whole days and decides its actual purpose is a prop in her thirst trap of an Instagram photo.

There are so many things I want to see on Thanksgiving, like the bottom of my wine bottle and that extra helping of pie. What I don't want to see is you and your hoe ass tainting the Thanksgiving holiday. Just eat the damn turkey, I beg of you.

2. Anything That Involves Exercise

First of all, how dare you. Thanksgiving is a sacred holiday, one in which the main goal is to worship food and sloth-like behavior. For you to desecrate it with your Turkey Trot marathon is blasphemous. And yes, I’m looking at you, girl who went to my high school and started her own fitstagram account instead of graduating college. The last thing I want to see when I’m three glasses deep by noon and snacking on an actual turkey leg is you and your personal best time, you fucking psycho. Furthermore, no one wants to see your “burn before the bird” workouts. The only calories you should be burning are the calories it takes to roll your fat ass from the dinner table to the couch. THAT’S IT. Anything more and I’m reporting you to Instagram for your personally offensive behavior.

3. Holi-Bae Photo Shoots

I’m confused by the message of these Instagrams. Am I supposed to be jealous of the fact that you blackmailed your boyfriend into submission wearing an ugly Santa sweater to compliment your "Ho Ho Ho" one? Am I supposed to think you’re so supported in your relationship because you somehow managed to convince your boyfriend that wearing matching onesies isn’t emasculating and embarrassing? Because I’ve never felt more secure in my relationship with my Netflix account in my whole damn life. Also, god bless the poor soul you held hostage for 45 minutes while you posed in front of the fireplace, the Christmas tree, and that sad excuse of a snowman you just built. It’s hard to say who the real winner in this scenario is: you, for taming the fuckboy who once sent you the text, “My girlfriend doesn’t have to know,” and who is now your prisoner of war devoted boyfriend, or her, the girl who doesn’t have to impress anyone at family gatherings except the person pouring her wine glass? It’s a real Sophie’s Choice.

4. Anything That Makes A Children’s Holiday Mildly Sexual

I’m not going to name names here *cough* Ariel Winter *cough cough* but certain celebs have made it their personal mission in life to turn a holiday devoted to children’s happiness into their own personal thot playground, and I won’t fucking stand for it any longer. I can tolerate your extra AF workout Instas and the fact that I have seen more of your body than I have my own, but I’ve got to draw the line somewhere, and I’m drawing it at Santa’s slut your Holiday Christmas card. Sorry, Ariel. And if you’re thinking to yourself, “But I’m just full of so much holiday cheer! It’s innocent! Don’t judge me!” then let’s look at the evidence for a minute, shall we? Which of these screams, “innocent holiday fun,” and which of these screams, “my daddy had nothing to say about my butterfly tattoo”?

Apparently it’s both.

5. New Year, New Me

Let’s get one thing straight here: There is no “new you” on January 1st, there’s just a you who really needs a new liver. The “New Year, New Me” Instagram is perhaps the most pathetic of all holiday Instas, because you know the person posting it will regret it literally 12 hours later. What was a hopeful motto at 8pm will inevitably turn into regret six hours of drinking André on tap and calling your ex-boyfriend from five years ago to tell him that you miss him, while simultaneously Googling, “where is the pizza?” Now, am I guilty of posting the “New Year, New Me” selfie? Yes. But am I guilty of doing what was just described in that above scenario? Also yes. But that’s neither here nor there. No, leave your positivity and your good intentions off my Instagram feed, because I don’t want to see that shit on a day that I’m dedicated to spending reveling in a cycle of self hatred on new beginnings.

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