#apx:task3

[frcmashes]

                                      𝓪𝓹𝔁 𝓽𝓪𝓼𝓴 #2 & #3

   HOME:   for  the  longest  time  there  were  no  places  that  held  any  significance  for  him.  he  moved  so  many  times  as  a  kid,  he  didn’t  bother  trying  to  make  friends,  or  to  fit  in,  because  he  never  knew  how  long  he’d  be  in  one  particular  place.  it  was  also  hard  because  he  always  felt  like  an  extra.  he’d  live  with  foster  families,  or  stay  in  homes  with  other  teenagers,  and  while  people  were  (  for  the  most  part  )  decent,  he  didn’t  really  connect  with  them.   he  always  felt  like  the  outsider,  the  one  who  didn’t  belong,  and  for  the  longest  time  he  thought  he’d  always  feel  like  that.  

        then,  he  was  placed  with  the  gonzales’.  they  were  nice  enough  and  wanted  to  take  in  two  kids,  not  just  one.    he  was  only  fresh  back  into  the  system,  his  former  foster  situation  having  ended  when  cps  removed  them.   he  was  almost  16,  to  a  point  where  he  was  about  to  age  out.   he  was  counting  down  the  days  until  he  was  18,  so  he  could  finally  try  to  live  a  more  stable  life  ...  figure  out  where  he  belonged.   then  of  course  he  met  rafael  waithe.   they  had  similar  backgrounds  --  both  had  bounced  through  the  system,  both  had  no  one.   except,  they  had  each  other.   rafael  wanted  to  be  friends,  was  bound  and  determined  to  be,  and  for  once  landon  didn’t  fight  him.   for  the  first  time  he  had  a  real  friend  --  no,  a  brother.   family.     so  for  landon,  his  favorite  place  that  holds  significance  is  probably  a  spot  outside  the  gonzales’  house,  under  one  of  the  oak  trees.   he  was  probably  journaling  while  rafael  was  doing  homework,  and  i  think  they  just  got  along  so  well  that  when  landon  sighed,  rafael  knew  he  had  written  something  he  wanted  to  erase  and  just  handed  over  some  white-out  without  needing  to  be  asked.   that  was  the  first  time  landon  knew  he’d  found  his  people.  

          home  doesn’t  have  to  be  a  place.   sometimes  it  can  be  people.   without  rafael,  without  bonding  with  him  as  teenagers,  he  never  would  have  been  outside  that  church  and  never  would  have  refused  to  let  the  salvatore  school  take  rafael  without  going  with  him  to  ensure  he  was  okay.   his  whole  world,  his  whole  life,  would  be  infinitely  different  and  lacking  if  it  weren’t  for  those  moments  in  georgia,  under  that  oak  tree.  

-----

                                                             LETTERS UNSENT

seylah,

            i  know,  i’m  probably  already  screwing  this  up  by  writing  seylah  instead  of  mom,  but  i  don’t  think  we’re  there  yet.  it  also  seems  like  throwing  out  the  whole  ‘  mom  ’  title  to  someone  who  gave  you  up  as  baby  is  a  good  way  to  scare  that  someone  off.  not  that  i  think  you  would  be  easily    so  seylah  it  is.    i’m  betting  you’ve  probably  looked  at  the  end  of  this  letter  --  if  you  ever  do  see  it  --  to  see  who’s  writing  this  so  by  that  assumption  you  already  know  it’s  me.  it’s  landon.   your  son.    surprise?  

         i’ve  thought  about  what  i  would  say  to  you  so  many  times.  i’ve  got  about  100  letters  i’ve  started  over  the  years  but  i  never  really  knew  what  to  say.  i  knew  i  should  ask  about  my  dad,  about  why  you  gave  me  up,  and  everything  that  led  to  that.    but  you  know  there’s  this  saying,  i’m  sure  you’ve  heard  it,  about  how  you  shouldn’t  say  anything  if  you’ve  got  nothing  nice  to  say  ?  i  guess  that’s  why  i  never  kept  writing.  my  life  has  been  pretty  terrible  and  i  know  that’s  not  what  you  want  to  hear,  no  one  wants  to  hear  that  the  ‘  better  life  ’  they  were  giving  their  kid  actually  sucked,  but  i’m  doing  this  thing  now  where  i  try  to  be  honest.  i  used  to  lie,  a  lot.  sometimes  for  no  reason,  just  because  it  was  easier  than  being  real  with  people.  nothing  ever  stuck,  nothing  was  permanent,  so  i  guess  lies  felt  the  same  way.  but  i  want  you  to  know  i’m  not  mad  anymore.  i’m  not.  if  i  didn’t  go  through  all  the  stuff  that  i  did,  i  wouldn’t  have  met  raf.  i  wouldn’t  have  lived  in  virginia,  and  wouldn’t  have  served  the  prettiest  girl  peanut  butter  blast  milkshakes  with  whipped  cream  on  the  bottom.  my  life  might  not  have  started  out  the  best,  but  i’m  happy  now.  i  think  i’m  the  happiest  i’ve  ever  been.   you,  in  a  weird  way,  are  a  part  of  that  i  guess  ...  so  i  wanted  to  say  thank  you.    weird,  i  know,  but  it’s  been  a  really  weird  few  months.  maybe  if  i  ever  meet  you,  i’ll  tell  you  all  about  it.

        i  hope  whatever  happened  for  you,  wherever  your  life  took  you,  that  you  were  happy  too.  if  you  were,  and  i  am,  maybe  things  worked  out  the  way  they  were  supposed  to.  

           your  son,                                   landon  kirby.  

[hardts]

There’s a wave of sadness as she looked at the letters. It started out as one and then two, and just kept multiplying more and more and more and more until she was almost positive she was standing knee deep in letters from her brothers. She couldn’t bring herself to look at them because knowing what she had wrote them, she was afraid of what she’d see. What if they hated her? What if they loved her? What if they never wanted to see her again? Her hand flicked and flames rose but the letters didn’t burn. “God damn it!” 

[oftcmbs]

—— DEAR QETSIYAH,

DO YOU REMEMBER STEFAN? extremely good looking, though as bland as iceberg lettuce, and someone you puppeteered for a couple days until he escaped you like everyone else does. well, i have decided to try out some of his methods; writing, for instance. evidently, it is a hobby only those in nursing homes can enjoy, but for once, i will humor myself. i know you might take this into consideration as hate mail, but truthfully, you should be elated i am sparing a little bit of my valuable time for you. i have heard that it’s good to get things off one’s chest and i am so looking forward to the zen lifestyle, but without the yoga pants.

I WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU THAT TWO THOUSAND YEARS AGO, YOU WERE MY FRIEND. we grew up together, standing by each other’s side at all times, tolerating all of our weaknesses and sides we did not want anyone else to see. the reason why i agreed to marry you was convenience. if we could merge the power of two best witches, it would have been foolish to reject it. however, just like you fell in love with me, i developed feelings for someone else. the moment my eyes fell upon her, i knew i had to spend my eternity with her and i was more than willing to sacrifice our friendship for it. i betrayed you. it did not sound that big of a deal to me — any potential guilt would have evaporated over the years and you would have moved on.

YOU COULD NOT HANDLE IT. like any other normal person, instead of throwing a vase at me or spitting in my face, you made me believe that you had ripped out my soulmate’s heart. then, you proceeded to torture me and my love for over two millenniums because you held a grudge. i must admit — it is the epitome of drama. i would have even applauded it if i weren’t the one in those shoes.

I WISH I COULD TELL YOU I AM NOT A MAN OF REVENGE. i really do, but guess what? that’s exactly who i am. i know you died with fear that i would somehow overcome the obstacles and find my way to reunite with amara, and there is no greater joy in anything than telling you that your petty plan that you carefully crafted for a little too long did not work out. it is a shame, isn’t it? don’t worry, i know how it feels, so, i will not overindulge. that wouldn’t be so noble of me, and like i said, i am trying to pave a better path. for amara. i am also a little ashamed to admit that i am no longer in such extraordinary shape now that my immortality is lost, which is why i really should not pick fights anymore, but hey, you are dead. i will trust you to take this secret to your grave.

IN CASE YOU ARE CURIOUS, as i am sure you are, amara and i are back together. while it is a little bit annoying to see a dozen dollar store versions of us roaming the earth, it also confirms that our love was fate. i know you are a woman of romance, therefore, i am a little hurt you tried to come in between something like this, but i totally get it. it is difficult to share someone like me. maybe one day you will come across a similar thing, although, i would not wish that upon my greatest enemy. monster or not, even i am not that evil.

I HOPE ALL IS WELL. as well as a rotting body and heart can have.

best regards,

SILAS.

P.S. this was kind of fun. maybe i will make it a weekly thing!

[earnyccrstripes]

Will, @ofindcmitability 

I was going to write you and our sister this one letter. You know, get everything out. I thought it’d be productive and we’d all bond or something. But then I thought about how you didn’t seem the types to share. And I didn’t want to fuck up. So, this is yours. 

I didn’t know if it was alright to call you Will, or if you were more of a Wlliam guy. But I don’t feel like I know much of anything anymore, so Will. I hope that’s okay. You’ve got to understand that I spent my whole childhood wanting a brother. Wanting to grow up with you, actually. Even with all the stories mom told. I didn’t know what to make of them, or me being left to the Harvey’s and you left to mom and dad. I was naive I guess. About the reality of having you as a twin. And then I met you and there was that incident and it freaked me out, man. Honestly, freaked me out. And I was telling this person about it, a person I really trust. And she was freaked out. And she’s always been freaked out because we always protected each other. And then I remembered mom for a second, protecting me like that. Telling me in every way but actual conversation that she didn’t want that for me. I always guessed she struck a deal, but I never asked why. Ignorance or innocence or whatever, I didn’t ask. And I’m sorry. Because I should’ve. And I should’ve asked more about the good parts. Where it was good for you, where we were still twins. Even though she never told me your name. I never asked for that either. I never pushed because when the cards fell, I didn’t want something to tip the scales and we’d get each other’s lives. Because I liked my life, and I didn’t want it to change. I didn’t want to do what you do. I still don’t.  Jesus, Will, you’ve killed people. A lot of people. And I don’t know what you do to sleep at night with all of that. Maybe you don’t think about it, like I try not to think about all of the shit like this that I’m hiding from the people I care about. Do you even sleep, man? Or do you just compartmentalise it and rationalise it all? That if you’d grown up like me, you wouldn’t have done any of that. Sometimes I think about if we’d grown up together when I can’t sleep.  And what that would’ve meant. And I wish I had a clearer picture. I wish I had something better to tell you. But the things that you’ve done scare the crap out of me. Because I know you could do them to me, or our sister, or our half brother. Or anyone I care about. I’m not saying you would, I’m just saying you could. And sometimes that possibility is enough. And then I wonder if you have done it before. And then I can’t fucking think about that anymore because it’ll drive me insane.  Then I think about what if I could do it? What if you’re corrupting or coercive or one time it’s just self defence? That’s what scares me the most. That our blood’ll make me a killer. That it’ll just be hereditary because being around you activates something really fucked up in me. And I can’t live with myself if I have to look in the mirror and see a killer. I can’t take it.  Because I’d obsess over it. In eleventh grade, in my English Lit class, we talked about this book called Macbeth. It’s a long story but basically someone gets murdered and then Lady Macbeth starts to obsess. They both do. Hallucinating that she hasn’t washed the blood off her hands and that they’re stained. That everyone can tell and she deserves this. I’ve never been so terrified in my entire life than I was sitting in second period English and listening to all the ways murder can make you unrecognisable to yourself.  I think he dies at the end. I don’t really remember. I guess I blocked the rest of it out so I didn’t turn myself in Macbeth. Or I didn’t make you into some twisted version that hallucinated the kill and not the guilt. My teacher said something about that. And yeah, I wish I had the balls to say all of this to you in person. But I’m really confused about all of this. And I wanted a family, I wanted a twin, and now I’ve got one. And I feel guilty thinking about how we might never get to a place where I call you my brother and you call me yours without this weird ‘yeah, we’re related’ air over it. And I also feel guilty for how scared at least I am about the stories mom used to tell and everything on top of it. And I know that some part of you’s good. I believe that with everything. Mom thought so and I saw some of it. And I wish that was enough. That glimmer of something that could turn your morality on it’s axis and turn my perception on it’s own. But I can’t help it. I’m scared shitless. I guess that’s it. I’m sorry. With regret, Max 

[cfsalvatore]

Task;003

@aregentsruin

Dear Klaus, 

I hope this letter finds you well wherever you are now, I was at peace and now I’m not. I don’t know what’s happening, but I know one thing for sure, I am a vampire again. How was this possible? I was human when I sacrificed myself, someone out there has a sick sense of humor to bring me back as this thing again. 

I’m sorry we go such a long time without seeing one another, we both know that it’s for the best, the distance and last time I visited things hadn’t exactly panned out all that well. 

Also, fuck you for ruining my life, dick.

Stefan.

[sliithered]

ａｔｈｅｎａ, @bygonecalamity

lost myself, seventeen, then you came, found me. no other magic could ever compare. there's a room in my heart with the memories we made. took 'em down but they're still in their frames. never not. lauv.

i thought i could serve you. i thought i would never look at you with disgust or fear. i thought the love i held in my heart would never dissipate. the gods know how wrong i was to believe you were different than the others. i was just another servant to you. a mere mortal girl you could use and discard. promises, i know now, were meant to be broken. my promise to you was broken the moment you instead of smiting my attacker, turned me into a monster to cover up the horrible thing that happened in your temple walls. you so selfishly only saw broken vases and claw marks on that merman. you didn’t see what they truly were. you didn’t see that i fought for my life, for my innocence. maybe you did. maybe you turned a blind eye instead so you didn’t have to offer comfort or start a war with your brother. you didn’t see the vases were used as weapons just as his fists had been. you saw my scratches on his face and arms but you didn’t see the dress you gave me in tatters from his brutal hands. you saw me not as the victim i was but instead wrote me as the perpetrator. you cursed me with snakes for hair. was it so no man would ever look at me that way again? was it to remind me of how cruel the world can truly be? that no matter what happened, you’d take the sides of all those who harmed and wrong? you are the goddess of war but i pray to the god of war now. wrath, rage, vengeance -- i will not fade away. i will not shudder. i will not bend my soul for anyone like i did for you ever again. i will survive. will you?

ｍｅｄｕｓａ

[willdoitforher]

Dear Lizzie, @geminislegacy​ 

I already know what you’re thinking. You think I’ve finally come to my senses and want to apologise for following Josie around like a lost puppy and torturing you at every turn. You think I’ve come to grovel for your forgiveness while I tell you how much I regret every evil thing I’ve done.  And you’d be right, Partially.  Here’s the thing, Lizzie. I don’t think you’re a bad person. I think you do stupid, selfish, obnoxious things, and I hate the way you treat Josie like she’s your personal doormat. But I don’t think you’re a bad person. Because I’m stupid, and selfish, and obnoxious too. I’ve always been selfish when it comes to Josie, and I know you’ve never had to share her before. And I know that’s why I felt like I was in love with a person who always chose someone else. And I know that’s Josie’s fault too. For allowing herself to be walked all over by you. But it wouldn’t be happening if you stopped for one second and thought about how she deserves her own life.  You’re frustrating. Because I know you love her. I know that despite everything you do, you love her so much you’d take a bullet for her. Because I would too. Even if she hates me now and even if she would hate me even more for leaving her, she deserves a life.  Now, because I know who you are, I also know you’ve noticed I’ve been comparing us a lot. And I would tell you why, but I think you’ve already figured that out.  We’re the same, Lizzie. We both hate anyone who hates Josie so we’ve just chosen to hate each other. And sometimes, I wish that wasn’t true. I wish I could tell Josie that we had a meaningful conversation or that the price of losing her isn’t worth hating you. But she’d probably think I was possessed. I think you would too.  I’m not going to apologise for everything I’ve tried to do to make Josie fight for herself. But I am going to apologise for not being honest with you. I wrote Josie one of these too, I told her that I love her and that I’m sorry she doesn’t know that. So, I’m sorry, Lizzie. I’m sorry for all the evil and selfish things I’ve done hoping Josie would realise I just wanted her to stay. I’m sorry I didn’t used to realise you love her too, and I’m sorry I thought you were evil. Maybe one day, I’ll actually tell you that, Penelope

[ofindcmitability]

𝓐𝓟𝓧 𝓣𝓪𝓼𝓴#3: 𝓦𝓱𝔂?

I know letter’s a supposed to start with ‘dear’ or whatever but you’re dead so pretty sure that doesn’t apply. 

I thought a lot about this and I just-- I don’t get it. I mean I get some of it. Grandfather practically pimped you out and father is scum you had to be wed to and bare children of. I get that part. You gave Max up and you were forced to remain there by his side as a trophy. Or a bargaining chip. Or whatever. Not like Grandfather cared but why did you even try? To love me I mean. I get that I was small and when babies giggle people fawn except you knew. You knew their plan. You didn’t stop it. Didn’t even try. You knew and you did shit except stop loving me the moment it actually started to happen. I was a baby. then I was a toddler. You played with me and you told me you loved me and you read me so many stories. But you also stood by when Grandfather and Father trained me. Brutally, at many points.You didn’t speak out. You didn’t do anything beyond staring and what, hoping? Hoping I wouldn’t do what they drilled into my head when you hadn’t spoken out against it?

When the people who have raised your whole tell you to do something, that its okay to do that thing, and then you do it. How is that your fault? I was so fucking young Mom. They taught me how to cleave a man’s head off and I didn’t get why it was a bad thing because no one told me. You three were the people who raised me. You were the only one who loved me except then you didn’t. 

I killed someone because no one told me it was something wrong. I was so young and I didn’t understand but you? But you KNEW. You knew I had no idea, you knew I was trained, you knew and not only did you do shit about it you stopped doing the good shit. 

You stopped reading to me. You stopped hugging me. Playing with me. Indulging me when I would rant. You stopped telling me you loved me. You stopped loving me. You stopped loving me and it wasn’t fair. I didn’t understand WHY and maybe if you had had the balls to tell me I wouldn’t be the person I am now and you maybe wouldn’t be dead. 

You’re the parent not me. I reached out when I did because I never thought to reach out before. It might of taken a long time but I was so fucking confused. Cause Grandfather and Father said it was okay and you never objected. You were waiting for me to object but I didn’t even KNOW it was wrong. How is that fair? And then I finally talked to you and confided in you and you looked so relieved? Had you been so sure I was a monster? So convinced I was remorseless? Unsavable? You never tried to save me until I proved I was worth saving. That’s not fair. You were my mom. I shouldn’t have to prove my worth to you. 

It wasn’t fair. 

When you decided to take me away it was the happiest I ever felt and it took me so long to realize why. Realize that I’d been miserable. Fucking brainwashed. You were going to do the thing you should of done so long ago but I never thought about the fact it should of been long ago, I was just too happy with the other part. Then you were gone and I discarded Xion and I tried so hard to fight. I want to say fighting Grandfather and Father was exhilarating and made me yearn for freedom or any of that shit. 

But they hurt me. Again and again and again and again until they thought I learned my lesson. After your disappearance I attacked Father and he had me locked in a cage and I don’t know how long I spent there. After they took you away time changed because I didn’t see daylight anymore. I don’t talk about it. Not even to Wyatt. Because I don’t like to think about it. Honestly if someone somehow just reminded me of any one of those days, any insignificant trigger? Any of them? 

I think I’d kill someone. 

Or at least do something remarkably stupid so I wouldn’t cry and how fucking horrible is that? CRYING. Just the thought of crying makes me feel ashamed because if Father or Grandfather saw it it would of had consequences. YOU were my hope. The only thing that kept me holding on during that time. I had no choice but to hold you in the highest regard or I wouldn’t of been able to go on. Except you’re dead now and the world is so so much more lucid. 

Every time.

Every time I try and remind myself that you did love me I also remember that your love came with conditions. It wasn’t limitless eternal love, it was a real love yes but you took it away for years and I just don’t get how you could do that. I just don’t understand. Take the love you have for someone and just stop? Then... then give it back? How? I want to hate you.

But I can’t. 

Because without you I never would of known love or emotion at all. I never would of been saved by Wyatt cause I would of been the kind of monster who tried to use his teeth to rip into an elder’s neck instead of being so emotional over your death. And if Wyatt hadn’t come along then I would be dead or worse. Thats the fact of it. You died and what you wanted for me gave me reason to live for a while until I found some more. And yes some of those include assassinating Grandfather and Father. So I guess thank you for that. 

Despite all you did and didn’t do I do I think I love you. I don’t know if I should, honestly, or if its the right thing. There’s also happy memories from when I was tiny and from that one week. That one week where you loved me again and made me feel loved and it was just??? So amazing??? I never knew anything so amazing.

I just. I don’t know what else to say. I love you? I’m sorry? Do you love me? Are you sorry? 

                                             𝓢𝓲𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓵𝔂 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓼𝓸𝓷,                                                  𝓦𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓪𝓶 𝓕𝓵𝔂𝓷𝓷

𝒫𝒮, 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓃𝒶𝓂𝑒.

[geminislegacy]

to the mom we never knew, ( @ofmombie )

i don’t know what else to call you but “mom”. anything else would feel like rubbing salt in the wound, after you’ve already lost so much. and you deserve it, because you, me, josie, and dad are the family we could’ve been in another universe, one that wasn’t cruel enough to take you from us before we were even born.

i know what you look like. dad keeps your picture on his desk. others he keeps in the drawers, probably to stop himself from feeling even sadder. and i sometimes look in the mirror and try to see what it is that i got from you. it’s easier with looks, but it’s the other things that are hard. what were you like as a person? dad says you were wonderful. nothing like kai. 

would you be disappointed in me, then? because i’m not wonderful. or strong or someone who could become a selfless doctor. josie is the one who is so much like you in that sense. she’s the perfect daughter, the one every mother wants. i dream of meeting you some day, as impossible as that seems, but i also think it’d be better if i existed only as that ideal picture in your head. i’m cowardly like that.

i didn’t think it was possible to miss someone you’ve never met, but you are living proof of that. i only hope you’ve managed to find some semblance of peace and that you didn’t carry with you the pain that rained down on you at once the night you died. every day that passes, i want to learn more about you, but i never want to push it when it clearly makes dad so upset. he shuts himself in when i ask and i sometimes wonder if it’s the pain or something else. if it’s related to the little puzzle pieces josie and i find scattered around. what skeletons are in the closet of this family? of this coven? it feels like a dark storm is ahead and it scares me so bad. dad can’t help. mom can’t help. you could. you’re the one who was swallowed alive by that storm.

and if it was, in any way, our fault, i’m sorry. i’m so, so sorry.

your daughter (one of them), lizzie.

[enflamedxtouch]

A letter to @willdoitforher

Penelope,

I’m writing this because if I don’t write it down, i’m afraid i’ll burst and end up saying it outloud and then you’ll do that thing where you get smug and I have to pretend like it isn’t the best thing in the world because I know you don’t think I do or maybe you do know...but I love you and I have for a while...even when I wasn’t great at showing it.

The merge keeps playing on my mind, I know I have a few years yet and part of me wants to be hopeful that there’s gonna be some way around it but you had me down from the start and this world definitely runs on the selfish and the selfless..i’m not sure I could ever be anything but the latter. You’re the one person that makes me wish otherwise because I know how it’s gonna go, i’d let Lizzie win because i’m not sure I could ever really live with myself if I didn’t and maybe this isn’t surprising to you; I mean it’s not like I don’t let Lizzie win with just about everything anyway..

but this all hurts, it feels like I have some ticking clock over my head and the idea that one day i’m gonna have to hurt one of the few people that really saw me...i’m not ready for that. 

This is why i’m hesitant, why I want to push you away sometimes because i’m afraid that if I let myself love you fully again that it’ll just hurt you more in the end. 

Funny how in the end I wanna be the selfish one. 

From JoJo.

[officerxhopps]

Unsent Letter

My dearest love,

Never would I have imagined I would find one of our children.  Margit is still alive, although she goes by Dove now.  It fits her well.  Gods, she looks so much like you.  I can’t help but wonder if our other children survived that night....if you survived that night.

All this time I thought I lost everything.  My pride was the only thing keeping me alive.  But I have our daughter again, and it has given me so much to look forward to once more.  I had forgotten what this feeling was.

I still miss you so very much.  I can’t bring myself to touch another man.  It simply is not the same.  They aren’t you.  They never will be you.  For the last century I can only sleep with women.  It doesn’t fill the hole, but it keeps the bed warm from time to time.  

There is someone I’ve met who’s quite interesting.  For some reason she draws me in, even though it’s obvious she is not looking for a quick fuck.  Maybe that’s it?  The fact that she’s not just a warm body.  Anyway, I digress.

Do you remember the moods I would get into when we first met?  They seem to be happening more often now.  I feel like I’m disappointing you.  You always thought better of me, but I’ve never been that.  I still wonder what you really saw in me.  I’m a mess, I can at least admit that much.

I know this will never reach you, but I figured I could put my thoughts on paper.  Seeing Margit again has made me think of so many things I tried burying deep in my heart.  Perhaps this is better.  It might give me the chance to heal that I need.

Please forgive me for not being able to protect our children.

                                               Love always, El

[earnyccrstripes]

Claudia, @hardts

Hey. It’s Max. I was going to write this one letter you and Will, and have you talk about it. But like I said in the letter that’s currently kindling in my fire place, I decided you deserved individual attention. If nothing else, because I don’t want to end up with another broken nose. That’s a joke. I don’t know if that takes over writing, or if you read it in your own voice or mine, or I don’t know - George Clooney’s. I wish I could ask you if you like George Clooney. Not because I really love the guy, but because I think you’d actually answer me. Like give me a real, straight answer. Even if it was ‘who the fuck is that guy’.  I’m totally stalling saying what I need to say. So I’m just going to start. Finding out you have a sister you never knew existed is kind of a different experience to a twin or a brother. Because I never knew I had a half brother, but I do. And I’m getting used to used that reality, and I think he could be cool. But what I can’t get over is how you both told me we were related the exact same way and I feel so different about you and him. And I know you admitted it to me as a blonde in a bar after you hit me in the face, and he admitted it to me in the middle of the street standing next to his car when I was just trying to be a decent guy. I know those are weird scenarios, context or not. But something keeps stopping me from really getting down to the wire of thinking about him.  Maybe it’s because I’m scared to, or maybe it’s because I keep thinking about you and Will. And what I know about him and what I don’t know about you. I’ve pretty much pieced together that you grew up the same way, probably with the same moral compass. I’ve also pieced together that you’ve definitely done the same things he has, except now there’s no details I can torture myself with. I can’t decide if that’s better of worse. Because what if you’ve done worse than he has? And I was let off really easy with a broken bone.  I wish you wouldn’t leave like you’ve been trying to. I wish you’d just tell me what the hell has been going on, and what goes on in your head, and what you think about. And what you’ve done. I know that you have some humanity, I get it. I saw it with the apology and the kind of misguided way of taking care of me. Wanting me places I should be and wanting to keep me safe from whatever weird encounter you and the guy at the bar were having. I made up the details for the first time that night. Thinking about how I was in the wrong place at the wrong time like I shouldn’t have been. And how panicked you were that I was there, and how close you were to that guy. And then I started thinking, were you going to kill him? If you hadn’t seen, would you have? Would I have watched someone die by my own sister’s hand and watch her walk away? I don’t know if you walk away, but when I picture it, it’s always the same. You stab him in the gut, a few hard times, and he hunches up. He coughs up some blood and he retches and you hit him hard on the back and then you leave. With this bloody knife in your hand like it’s nothing. And then I’d see you, and you wouldn’t know I know, so you’d be normal. And I’d pretend not to notice there’s blood under your nails. And I’d run after that.  And that’s disturbing, don’t get me wrong. But the worst part is I don’t know if it’s exaggerated or accurate or if you were just getting a fucking drink with the guy and I’m so paranoid. Because I am super paranoid. I asked Will, in his letter, if he sleeps. And I should tell you when I start thinking about things like this, I don’t. That’s how I ended up sitting here.

I don’t know how I just told you that. Or why. Maybe not knowing exactly what you’ve done makes it easier to open up to you and easier to pretend that everything’s okay. I’m guessing my mom didn’t know about you, or at least, didn’t have stories. If she did, I never heard them. Maybe that’s a blessing in disguise. A call out to my faith and optimism.  I’m so tired, you know? Of lying and hiding and being tired and being afraid. I didn’t realise how afraid I was supposed to be in this world that you’ve all taken to your entire lives. I know everything is my fault, everything I did to make this my world too was my choice. Now I’m just starting to think my mom was right when she talked about how happy she was to see me good, happy, okay. And you don’t know her. But I don’t know who else to talk about her with.  I don’t know. At all. I don’t know where I’m going with this, or what I’m trying to say to you, or what I want to say. Period. I really hope you I never see my own sister kill someone. And if I do, I hope there’s some magical reason for it. That sounds so stupid. Murder isn’t magic, it’s so human. At least we’ve got that in common. Barely, with our line. I hope I get time to get all of the answers, and I hope you do too. Whatever you’re looking for while I obsess over the unknown. Choose to, have been left to. That line’s blurred too.  I hope everything gets a little more normal. And I hope you stop leaving. And I hope if you do, it’s never you just standing there with a knife in your hand. I hope you break the hitting people in the face habit. I hope there’s never anyone I love on the wrong end of that knife. I hope one day we’re actually siblings somehow.  I hope for a lot of things. Guess that’s just me.  With regret, Max

[ofaxnoblefacade]

a letter to @hybrldclaws

Hayley,

It brings me no joy to be writing this as I am uncertain that such a feeling will ever become known to me again but in the brief instant that this letter may aid in offering a solution or a form of relief in what certainly feels like the darkest instant in my very long life..I chose to write it anyway. Your hands may never get to run over the fine lines of this parchment or in turn those eyes of yours..the ones that I see so often still, will never have the chance to read this and at that I feel a great deal of pain. 

I once revealed in some need to convince you of how precious feelings such as love were to me by telling the unsurprisingly bitter ending stories of those that came before you, those lost not by my hand but because I cared far too deeply for them but you...-you entered my life unexpectedly another part in my brothers story and yet one I was glad to be apart of. 

I never wanted to love you, in hopes that it would save you from befalling the same curse as anyone that I had chosen in my long life and yet your stubborn nature willed it forward; you trusted me when you had no reason to & you cared for me when Niklaus chose to punish me as he often did when it was clear a situation offered him no control. Perhaps it was then...those small moments that I found myself irretrievably in love with all that you were and all that you stood for. 

Fear had for so long, been the foundations of which the Mikaelson’s stood on and you offered us something new...something that felt more hopeful than we’d ever bared witness to in a thousand years and where we would all believe we were nothing more than the monsters that we had been turned into so very long ago, you believed in something better for us all. You fought for us in times when such an act seemed impossible or insane and when we all had to be apart, I told you we were doomed...when instead all I wished to do was save you from me.

To love you, to love you still...I would never have left if my memories remained and that I would have placed my niece in danger...I would have searched for my brother and all of what had been worked for to protect Hope would have fallen but it is also my greatest regret. 

I knew you, the part of myself that loved you did even if you came to me with nothing but the same face one that was certainly gone from my mind but never my heart and then as the brutal call of loyalty played out and I saw you in that cabin, I saw betrayal because of misunderstanding...believing you were sent all along by the brother I remembered nothing of and I watched you burn. Where my head had far from connected the dots, my heart had and I found myself frozen. 

Now regrets are all I have as I find myself haunted by a smile that would end wars, your voice...how I hear it wherever I go but I see that moment too...the burning over and over whenever I close my eyes karma but enough for me to wish I could go back, save you then or stay with you before. Perhaps you believed I stopped seeing that future, the first one i’d seen outside of taking care of Niklaus in years and I never did. I yearn for it now as I am certain I always will. 

I am uncertain what life has to offer now, in your death you took that light with you and I find myself uncertain of how to climb out of such darkness. 

Sincerely,

Elijah

[willdoitforher]

Dear Jojo, @enflamedxtouch 

You’re probably never going to read this. In fact, I know you’re never going to read this. Because even if I was going to give it to you, which I’m not, I doubt you’d read it. And that’s my fault.

I know I’ve made mistakes. I’ve done everything in my power to push you away. I’ve made myself into someone you don’t recognise. Maybe so you’d stop loving me, maybe so you’d want to fight for it. I wanted you to fight for yourself, stand up for yourself for once. But then you lost the one person who was only yours because I didn’t feel like loving you enough for the both of us was healthy anymore. And you spiralled even further down Lizzie’s co-dependent rabbit hole than before.

I thought if I put distance between us, made you want to fight for something for yourself, that maybe you’d change. But you didn’t. You just hated me for breaking your heart and you couldn’t reconcile it with the person you fell in love with. And so I changed tactics. I knew you were too good to stay in love with this version of me, because I know you. And I started on my master plan to make you jealous, and then keep Lizzie occupied, and give you your own life. Because I always think I know what’s best for you because you are so god damn stubborn, Jojo.  I know you wanted that spot on the honour council. I know that you’re more right for it than Lizzie will ever be and I know you’re good at it. What I don’t know is if you’ve admitted that to yourself yet. 

I know I’ve made mistakes, but I want you to understand why I did everything I did. I want you to understand that. yes, I’m selfish and obnoxious and maybe even evil. But that I’m also terrified the girl I love - yes, love - is going to let herself die one day. And I can’t stand by and watch that happen.  I want to tell you all of this. I don’t want you to hate me and I want to be in the same room again without Lizzie glaring holes into the back of my head. But I can’t. For two reasons. For one, I don’t want to destroy whatever fragile trust we’re building. Because I’m selfish and I want you to be able to rely on me again.  And for two, because you kissed me after I pushed and pushed and now you’re researching gods and trying to keep us all alive. And even though I lie awake being haunted by something called the merge that I know I shouldn’t even know about in the first place, sometimes when I see that flicker in your eye I think you might actually like yourself enough to save yourself. And one day, you might like me enough again too.  I love you, Josie.  And sometimes I miss who I was with you too. But then I remember the world needs the selfless and the selfish to keep turning. And you’ve always been the axis my world turns on. So I guess the way we are makes sense. 

With love, Penelope

[daisy-lancaster]

A letter to; @earnyccrstripes

Max,

I don’t think you’d believe me if you saw the pile of screwed up paper in the corner of my hotel room right now. There’s so much I want to tell you. But where do I even begin? 

It feels like just yesterday we were sat in your bedroom, looking over college choices. Arguing over the pros and cons of each, or as I like to say having a heated discussion. Back when weekend plans and assignment due dates were our biggest concerns. What a joke, right? Times were so much simpler back then. Life was easy. At least you made it easy. Growing up as a single child with an alcoholic, borderline depressive mother is far from it --- but you were there through it all. You listened when I raged about lost innocence, you held me when the tears started, when it felt like the walls were crashing down around me and you understood when I just needed to escape. You were my rock Max, and for that I will be eternally grateful. 

But then you left and things changed. You broke my heart. And I wish I could say a part of me doesn’t hate you for being so selfish. But that would be a lie. You take for granted what it is to be completely open and honest with someone until all of a sudden you can’t. And I hate that. I hate that I can’t tell you what your leaving did to me. That even though it wasn’t your fault, a small part of me blames you for it. For the fact I was even there at that stupid frat party --- or the fact you weren’t there when he took me into that room, that you weren’t there to stop it. That I couldn’t stop it because I was too stupid drunk to function.

You know I still see it happen in my dreams. Feel his hands on my arms, around my waste -- tugging at my dress. I don’t even remember pushing him, perhaps it was the adrenaline kicking in. All I see is the blood on the floor, coating my hands, and his blank expressionless face before it all fades to black. It’s like some twisted slow-motion montage, you know the one you see in movies --- only it’s not a movie. It’s real life. And it’s the beginning of my end. And if you thought this couldn’t get any more fucked then strap in my friend, because you’re in for a real surprise.

The first time I changed it was unlike anything you wouldn’t believe. I’ve experienced pain before, the time I broke my arm in fifth grade, the time I landed a concision in seventh, when mom came home drunk after thirty days sober on my sixteenth birthday --- or the time you left without a goodbye. This pain was excruciating, like your body burning from the inside out. I wanted it to end there; surely I’d endured enough. And if that makes me a coward then so be it. Only it keep going, god it felt like hours, but it couldn’t have been. And then it was over and something else took over entirely, at first I thought it was just rage but there was a hunger there. Something primal. The rest is hazy, but when I saw the faces of the couple that had been camping on the outskirts of town plastered all over the news I knew what I had done. Knew what I’d become. I’d awoken the monster inside.

Now I know that if I said it to your face you’d probably just laugh and make some terrible joke, werewolves -- they’re just some bullshit mythical creature made up to scare small children. I wish that were the case. But I was born one. And my mom thought it would a great idea to hide it from me. The moment I put two and two together I went to her --- I didn’t want to, but without you there to offload to I needed an outlet and she had to be it. Never had I seen that look in her eyes, I thought at first it was fear, horror even but it was more like disappointment. However she fucking knew Max, all this time, all these years and she said nothing. Because she was one too.

A fucking werewolf, can you believe it? It was the icing on the cake that was the disaster of my life. So I did all I could do and left. Packed a bag and hitch hiked my way across the country. I needed to find people like me, people that could help me control the monster I become and maybe even enable me to be less of a monster and more of a just creature of the night. If that’s even possible, because I don’t know that it is. But I have to have hope or else it’ll drive me crazy. 

I’ve been searching town after town for some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. At least that’s what I thought finding someone that could help would be.  And honestly I didn’t think I’d find it. But then I ran into you in that rundown diner. Waltzing in like nothing had happened. If I could have broken your jaw and not immediately regretted it I probably would have in that moment. But I was relieved, happy even because for just a moment I felt safe. Like were back in your bedroom, just too foolish teenagers taking on the world together. And if I knew the truth wouldn’t change the way you look at me or make you want to run for the hills, I would tell you in a heartbeat. Max, I love you for trying to convince me otherwise but I can’t take that chance. Not with you, not yet. I just got you back and you’re a damn idiot if you believe I’d risk going through that again. Because as cliche as it sounds it took loosing you to realize that I can’t live without you, at least I don’t want to. You’re my anchor Max and I need you. 

So here I am now, with a chip on my shoulder and a box of secrets to boot. I’m not the girl I used to be, I’m not good and I’m far from innocent. I’ve killed people, my hands are covered in blood and I’ve done a number of things I regret, but I want to be good. You make me want to be good. And maybe that’s stupid, but it’s the truth. So I guess what I’m trying to say, even though you’ll never read this -- please be patient with me. 

--- DL

[ofindcmitability]

𝒜𝒫𝒳 𝒯𝒶𝓈𝓀#3: 𝐻𝑒𝓎

Hey Max. 

It’s not the most formal of greetings but I know its okay because the first time we met you introduced yourself as Max first but then Maxwell in a really dorky way which tells me a lot about you or more tells you a lot about me that there are things I get from you before we really know each other because thats how I am when something or someone is going to be important I observe the small details about them because those were helpful in killing them. Small thing about me, I don’t think anyone really knows because I don’t usually have a reason to be it but I could get dorky too when I’m nervous. Actually less dorky and more like a heep of garbage kind of mess. 

I only realized because I never had a crush on someone before and it only started happening once I did. Her names Lizzie and she’d wild but thats not my point my point is I think I’m nervous with you too. After the initial shock of course but yeah. Nervous is right. Cause you’re normal? And I don’t know what to do with that.  

People expect the worst from me and its easy because I get it. I do. I’m good with it even cause then I could be a dick to them and all and go about my name except you were excited to meet me and what the fuck do I do with that?

Like. We have a sister too. Potentially a brother too if it turns out that guy isn’t insane. Except you’re my twin and thats different. You have my face and I wonder to myself do you have other things too? Same allergies? Do you get the worst bed head ever sometimes or sometimes wake up with your bed head looking really cool for some reason? Do you sneeze the same way? Apparently I sneeze in a cute way. It happened during a class in Magic School once and everyone stared at me but then I glared like hell and began talking about one of my kills to shut them the fuck up.

Though, it had been a kill in a video game Wyatt showed me. They didn’t need to know that. I don’t really talk about my real killings because they make me feel sick to my stomach. Cause I remember all the times I tried to get them done faster cause I was promised a good dinner afterwards. All the times people begged for their life and I thought it was just some game. How, to me, killing people was the same thing as doing chores. How dangerous I am. How dangerous my very existence could be to you because what if one of dad’s goons mistakes you for me? What if he finds out? That is if he doesn’t already know. It fucking scares me and I don’t know what to do with that.

You’re normal and it’s annoying as fuck cause I could of theoretically been normal. I mean I wouldn’t be me but I kind of think that’d be a gift to the world. I don’t say that trying to be depressing but let’s be real the world would be a better place without me in it. Maxwell Harvey is the most annoying normal kind of kid ever but the world needs more Maxwell Harvey’s. 

I’ve never need a Maxwell Harvey. I’ve never wanted one. Honestly I’m still not sure if I do but I’m going to try. Not to want you but to accept you. Half because I’m pretty sure you’d get yourself killed without me and second because your existence kind of makes me hopeful. If there’s a person with my face whose a semblance of normal maybe one day I could be too. And yeah I know thats selfish but I am a selfish person. I can't help it. I don’t want people to die but I’m not going to coddle anyone. People who are shy and need sugar coating annoy the fuck out of me. I don’t know what to do with family. I just don’t. I’d ask you to be patient with me but thats just me being selfish again.

Instead I’m going to ask you to out yourself first. You seem like one of those annoying selfless types. I need you to understand though. I’m not worth it. I’m not worth any sacrifice you’re willing to make I’m really not and it’s not self depreciating it’s just the truth. 

So. Yeah.

                                                         𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓽𝔀𝓲𝓷,                                                    𝓦𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓪𝓶 𝓕𝓵𝔂𝓷𝓷