#apx:task6

[ofindcmitability]

APX: TASK#6 -- WILLIAM FLYNN & EMOTION

𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐤𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐬.                   𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭.

From the moment he was born he was denied many things. From a true name to livelihood, and, sadly, unconditional love. @ofironrvle, in Will’s clear line of vision, never loved him as anything more than a weapon to be used. To his father, he was a blade to cut down his enemies. To his grandfather (on his mother’s side, the one who gave her away to ensure his own means), he was meaningless. To his mother? Luciana. That was where the confusion fell in. Until he was five years old, she did love him. She did. However, his father forced his first kill and Will? He hadn’t known it was something wrong. He was a five-year-old listening to his father, he didn’t know to do anything else. He didn’t feel remorse because he hadn’t any idea of the true cost of a life. Luciana, she never saw it this way. In her eyes, her son was a remorseless killer. Her five-year-old son who barely knew how to write his name or that parents weren’t always right.

So Luciana stopped. She stopped loving him.

William, Xion then, had been taught to never question his elders. So he couldn’t ask his mother when she stopped doing the things that felt normal. She stopped tucking him into bed, she stopped giving him hugs, she stopped telling him she loved him. She’d been the only one to do so, did that mean he wasn’t loved anymore? This went on for years, with Luciana becoming more and more distant til she barely spoke a word to her young son. By the time he was nine, Xion had little connections to normal human emotions. He hadn’t gotten the opportunity to feel them or give them. He didn’t feel murderous ( not even when he was murdering ), he barely felt anything. His experience of emotions was limited to the forgotten love his mother gave as a small child, and the smirk his father would give at each kill ( was it pride? ). 

More often then not his victims were enemies of his father. Prideful men, women, witches, demons, who died trying to stop Xion or kill him themselves. So seeing a man? A grown man, older then his father, down on his knees and begging--- CRYING? It took the nine-year-old by shock. He spoke of a child he loved-- one younger then Xion. He loved them. Was this what love looked like? That desperation the man had? Was that it? Xion hadn’t given much thought to it before then, before this moment. This man cried and begged for him to spare his life out of love for a child. So, for this first time in his life, Xion hesitated. Because of love. His maternal grandfather swooped in for the kill, and though his hands were clean they still, for the first time, felt dirty. He didn’t like it ( he had never liked it) but now he was thinking. Did the other people he killed have love? Or was it loved? Loving? He didn’t even know. 

It wasn’t easy getting his mother to talk to him, but Will confided in her. She was so happy? She hugged ( his first hug since he was five years old --- IT WAS SO NICE? ) This was what loved felt like, he realized. Xion realized, he wanted more of it. The two of them plotted to run away together, get new names ( she hated the name Xion and he wasn’t too fond either ). Won’t they stop us? He had asked her. Then she has spoke. As long as you’re there, as long as you keep feeling. I’ll have the will to go on. It was the first time in his life Xion felt true happiness. He hadn’t even known the emotion before. Now... it was amazing. They even spent the rest of the night talking-- and it was so nice? She told him how she always wanted a name with a beautiful meaning, a name that meant something, and that they’d figure it out once they were gone. They had plans. Xion never had PLANS before. It’d been living from day to day, before. It’d be waiting on his father’s word and waiting for his next kill. Xion was excited, and it felt good. 

Until he awoke one morning to his mother gone. 

This was when he first felt fear. His father, Jack, he explained. But basically it was that she hadn’t behaved and was being punished. That was when he first felt h a t e. Then his father went on to say how Xion would never see her again. This time, he felt RAGE. Xion attacked his father and he got his first scar. In more ways then one. It was a lesson though, love could bring many great things with it. However, if it was stolen ( or taken away ) then it HURT. 

In the years that went on, Xion learned how to be spiteful. He learned disobedience. He learned disrespect. He learned punishment. By the time he was 12, he was full of scars, in more ways than one. He wanted his mom back. It was only that goal that kept Xion going. That singular goal of someone who did love him. He wanted her back so badly. He knew his father and grandfather hadn’t killed her, they needed leverage for the day he TRULY lost it. Then, once he had his mom back, he’d kill his father and grandfather. Then his grandfather offered him a deal, he could see his mother if he then killed his father. It was almost laughable how quick Xion was to take such a deal. 

Xion knew types of pain. Physical, and emotional. He never felt the kind of pain that came from powerlessness though, when he set sights on his mother. She looked so tired, so broken, so exhausted by the simpleness of being. There were even specs of grey in her hair despite her young age. And yet… when her eyes laid on him she smiled. It was the first time someone smiled at him since, well, HER.  

The two embraced, and Xion was happy for approximately 27 seconds. Then she died. 

It’d been elder, and to this day he hadn’t known if it was his father or grandfather who sent them. They killed her with ease, and in his rage Xion was reckless. He received his second scar on his face. The sad but true words to call him in this moment and the ones that came after? Feral. He was feral when the Elder took him and put him in a cage, he was Feral when he cage din Magic School, and he was feral even when a man with a stupid shirt decided his life was worth something. Are you sure? Then he asked for a name and he wasn’t XION anymore. So he became the Will. The will to go on, his mother had said. So he’d use it. 

@nocttrls wanted to protect him and Will didn’t understand it. His mother had only loved him once she saw he had remorse and emotion. Wyatt didn’t know that? Wyatt only knew him as the murderous demon darklighter trapped in a cage in a school he apparently ran ( and he didn’t look too competent so who knows how long that would last ). Wyatt gave him food, he gave him a bed, and he spent time with him. He showed him video games and tv shows and pizza. He made Will feel safe. Something Will hadn’t know was possible. Wyatt made him feel protected, and for the first time in Will’s life, he was given unconditional love. 

Despite being better, despite being able to recognize what he felt and what he should and shouldn’t be doing Will remained not very good at PEOPLE. They were complex, and didn’t like when you were honest. It was confusing and it was annoying. And then he met @geminislegacy. She was mean. Blonde, mean, and repeatedly inexplicably able to make him laugh. Lizzie Saltzman spoke the right words so easily, the ones that made the word feel more like a slide then a staircase. She made his world brighter and for the first time, Will had a crush. There was a moment, where he knew, no matter what he’d do he would fall in love with her. It was odd and it was weird and it was amazing. He never knew such a feeling of feeling so good around another person, he never knew it could be so easy to talk to someone ( Wyatt didn’t count. Wyatt broke down his walls with a hammer, Lizzie walked in without a flip of her hair and a signature smile ). It was an all too consuming love and Will wouldn’t trade it for anything. He feels the need to be ( like he could be ) all honest with her, no secrets kept. She made him feel nromal, with talks of manga and milkshake dates and that fluttery feeling in his chest. Lizzie became another unconditional love, except for the first time he was the one to initiate it. For the first time, it wasn’t something parental, but rather romantic. Something he knew for a fact.

She was weird. @hardts. One of Jack’s minions but--- his older sister? Who wanted to protect him? Why. It was slow and it was subtle but Claudia became part of Will’s life. Not a parental figure, and not romantic (ew) but someone who did love him. Someone who, she barely knew him (right?) and yet she wanted to protect him. He still doesn’t really get it. Yet, in time, Will came to trust her without hesitation. @earnyccrstripes was more... complicated. Their first meeting was a mess. Will never pictured another person would exist with his face. He scared him. Their relationship was topsy turvy from dating advice to thinking one is lying about kidnapping and then the letters. Max would never trust him, he saw him as a gateway murderer. It was... it hurt. A blowout and a break that could never be mended. Will knows Max pretty much hates him, and frankly he should hate him back. However... he couldn’t. Somewhere along the way, Max became someone he had to protect, someone he loved. Will doesn’t know how to change that. How to stop wanting to protect him, how to stop loving him, was there an off switch? Will doesn’t know enough about love to make it stop once it began. 

Due to Lizzie’s influence, Will’s began to be more sociable. Not super, he’s still himself. But enough so to make an actual friend, his first friend. @frcmashes is about his age, and so so different from him. Will has no idea what makes their friendship work, Landon is a whole of things that he’s just not. However, Will does enjoy having a friend, as little as he knows about friendship he’s giving it his best shot. 

TLDR: Will probs has PTSD, brain damage, etc and don’t know emotions well but he’s trying. 

[hardts]

TASK 6.   //   RELATIONSHIPS

harlow @deathlyharlows

what is a friend? that word is something that claudia’s always struggled with in her short lifetime. one person comes to mind. her first friend. a person who despite everything managed to get her way inside. there’s one person in claudia’s life that she can’t see herself ever living without and you’ll be surprised to know that it’s harlow. it surprised herself too. the met when claudia was younger and to her it seems both like a dream and as a blink of an eye. one day she was just claudia and then the next she had a friend. an actual friend who one by one broke down the walls surrounding her heart. all of the secrets she kept of who she was, her fears, her father, all of it... she told harlow everything. well almost everything. she didn’t tell her that the reason she was afraid of the dark to this very moment in time was because jack would lock her away inside of it not just for minutes or hours but for days and sometimes even a week at a time. she only spoke of how the dark terrified her. to her surprise harlow hadn’t laughed at her. claudia told her that her mother was dead but not that she had watched as jack murdered her, screaming and fighting as best as she could for a seven year old. that’s not something that comes so easily for her. she rarely talks about her mother but harlow was the first time that she ever did in all her years with jack. friends? claudia never truly knew what friends were until she met her. they watched movies and ate trash foods. they painted each others nails and went shopping (that one was less than you’d think believe it or not). she’s not sure why or even how but she found herself liking harlow. falling in love even. she trusted harlow, perhaps more than she ever trusted jack, and in the end as they were about to FINALLY kiss and help the tension that had been building between each other jack came out of the hole he had been hiding in to reveal the truth. harlow wasn’t her friend. she was a spy. some kind of bodyguard her father hired to keep an eye on her while she was away enjoying said freedom he swore to her. freedom? she doesn’t know what that word means. keeping her safe? as if she can’t do so herself. her first heart break and yet she doesn’t blame harlow, not one hundred percent anyway. she can only blame her father and herself close to completely. him for doing such a thing and herself for giving into such feelings. feelings were weakness. but that didn’t stop the hurt that came with such things. the hurt stayed with her for years and even now. yet still she loved harlow and no matter how much she fought or tried to ignore her, she was always there and always cracking a joke or trying to make her smile even. she wasn’t angry anymore, just disappointed. disappointed in herself, disappointed in harlow. still angry with jack but not harlow no. what’s worse is that even so, no matter how broken her heart was or is, claudia still wanted harlow around. so many emotions and yet claudia still had to flee her, hide for a few days, gather herself... and whatever it was she did during those five days of drunken black outs, she came back almost different than she was before she left. taking a job in such a risky club like lucifer’s, singing, giving lap dances. lap dances that end up in passionate kisses and the desire for even more. when it comes to harlow, harlow is her greatest weakness. not the darkness, not her siblings, not even her emotions... because she’s tried to live without harlow and failed. 

jack @ofironrvle

jack is... jack. he is supposed to be her father but claudia looks at him and see’s a boss. a dictator. the only person in the entire world that she actually fears. from day one when he killed her mother and stole her away from the world she knew, throwing her into the darkness she feared, it’s always been that way. even as some fear burned into rage. she thought it consumed her but she was wrong. her firestarter half has always been there in the background, leading her astray in more ways than one. the mixture of the two binding into what you could call stockholm syndrome because despite her hatred for the man she can’t bring herself to try to flee despite helping her brothers or breaking will free from the cell jack placed him in. she can’t bring herself to flee even though she knows the freedom he gave her isn’t freedom at all and one day it’ll come back to bite her in the ass.

william @ofindcmitability

william is a hard topic to put into words. claudia loves him, just as she loves all her siblings, yes but she also feels the need to make up for the fact that she never realized what was happening. that will was not only just another child but a child of their father’s. she never knew he was her brother until he ran away. it was only when her father decided he wanted will back did claudia go against the order not to approach that she did. they fought of course but in the end claudia walked away somewhat accomplished and happy with herself. the desire to help him only growing more and more. she had no idea that they’d be here, relying on each other and struggling to survive together like this. supporting will with lizzie, helping drinking problems... she helped break him out of their father’s cage and she’d do it again even if it meant death by jack’s hands. if her death meant something, she didn’t mind. she’s ready to die for william flynn (and the rest of the idiots).

maxwell @earnyccrstripes

max is an idiot plain and simple. despite that, despite it all, claudia would still protect the kid unless it threatened will. because in the end, will was her first priority and her duty to help him is stronger than her need or want for siblings. she feels like in the end it’ll be better to hate her.

lizzie @geminislegacy

it’s not something that was discussed but claudia feels for the girl. it helps that they first met trying to rescue will. seeing such actions, claudia found something worthy of liking. even the bitchiness and getting drunk for the first time, all of it. while she’s not sure how deep it is, claudia considers lizzie to be a friend that for now, she’ll do anything for including going to get some stuff for her from the school or putting up with the dramatics.

nicole @ofsorrxws

a sister? she’s always wanted one of those even when she became claudia the killer, just like she wanted a brother, or anyone really. another sibling who has no idea who and what they are? not what she wanted at all but as the big sister, claudia’s more than likely going to take her under her wing.

evan @tequilaorbs

does she need another brother? no. she can barely keep the twins alive. is he worth it? probably in the end. she can’t look at him and she knows that’s it’s unfair. it’s not his fault he looks like jack. it’s not his fault he’s a child of jack. but man, it’s so easy to pretend he’s not. i’m not sure if she’ll ever get over how uncanny his appearance is, at least for a while. she has potential to open up to him the way she did the twins but she’ll be hesitant the whole way there. truth be told, she sort of thinks it’s jack being jack somehow.

natalia

there’s only one person claudia misses with all of her heart and that’s her mother. it’s jack’s mistake, letting her stay as long as she had. her mother was the softest and most loving person claudia had ever met. they’d watch movies, sing songs, make popcorn strings for christmas trees, the works. her mother read her stories at bedtime and let her sleep with a nightlight to chase the shadows away. a silly fear, sure, but her mother never treated it so. claudia has good in her and it’s because of natalia.

[deathlyharlows]

TASK #6 HARLOW VALENTINE - CHARACTER ANALYSIS + TASK #4 BONDS

UPBRINGING 

One of Harlow’s main KEY MOMENTS was the moment she was “born” or as she would say “woke up” or “crawled out of Hell.” She’s not certain on what happened or who she was before that-- She also didn’t take the time to actually worry about that, and while she has some kind of lingering feeling that there was more than just the Hell she was trapped in-- She poses the question: Would it change anything? And since the answer is no... WELL. 

That’s the truth, anyway, if Harlow ever remembered her human life, it wouldn’t change a thing. The biggest reactions that would be pulled from her would be something like “good to know I’ve always been this way?” followed by a possible whiplash that comes with knowing she’s old as fuck-- then go on her merry way. 

While I don’t have a set amount of times in which she’s gotten out/escaped from Hell, or the years she actually spent outside in her “other lives”, I can say-- aside from her actual human life-- current Harlow is possibly the tamest version. 

INSTINCTS/ RIGHT vs WRONG  

It didn’t matter if she was “a clean slate,” she was still a demon-- Which if you come to think of it, are basically mass destruction weapons freshly out of Hell. And while Harlow didn’t have any lingering recollection of anything, she was “pre-set” from day 1.  Having these natural impulses of wanting to self-serve herself, to take everything and anything she wants without paying for it, of destroying and creating chaos and pain, just because she felt like doing it or because she felt it’s fun.  A PREDATOR in the whole definition of the word.   

In the end, it also wasn’t just because she was a demon. She was already part of something, a soldier ready to be thrown to war-- or in this case missions to do whatever her boss asked of her. It’s only ironic, that I feel, had she not been kept under Jack’s domain-- she probably would’ve been wilder-- past and present.  

As time passed, and Harlow actually started being more self-aware-- She could realize pretty much everything she liked to do, and everything she did was morally and legally  WRONG. But that’s when the next part came, she didn’t care enough to go against it. So she continued and continues... 

Stealing? Good to get something for free! Harming people? Fun! Torturing people? Double fun! 

MURDER

Some people relief stress by drinking, smoking, doing drugs, having sex, or involving themselves in different activities-- Either it's harmful to them, or it's healthy. Harlow’s stress relief? Is harmful to others: Murder. 

It’s come to a point where killing someone is nothing to her. There could be a bunch of reasons why she does it. Fun? She was bored? She wanted something from someone, so she took it? Revenge? The answer is almost always the same-- Murder. It probably shouldn’t be, but killing someone is one of Harlow’s knee jerk reactions or solutions for almost everything. Pretty much so, that if she hasn’t murdered (or harmed) someone that has either annoyed or pissed her off in any way-- It means something. 

It brings the question, though-- Is it Harlow, or is this normal demon behavior?

Psychologically, speaking-- Harlow could be easily lumped in with a personality disorder, more specifically: ANTISOCIAL:  a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others, lack of empathy, bloated self-image, manipulative and impulsive behavior. Subtype: COVETOUS. 

Sidenote: Let’s keep in mind this is not a human character, so maybe psychology doesn’t even apply to demons asderftgyh

However, as much as she hits some (if not most) of the criteria. There is one strong characteristic that brings down the conclusion of Harlow having APD. 

EMOTIONS  

These have always been something quite difficult for Harlow to understand. She knows she has emotions and feelings, and she doesn’t exactly push them away. At times, she’s wondered if this is how it’s supposed to be. Do all demons have difficulty telling them apart? Is she even supposed to have them? Or do all of them actually have them, don’t have trouble telling them apart but they just choose to ignore them? It’s not like she can go (or trust) another demon for her to ask and have a heart to heart (ew), or for her to be “Hey, let’s compare!” so she manages as best as she can. 

There is a name for this: ALEXITHYMIA.

In her case-- Most of the times, if the emotion isn’t as “explored” she tries to make sense of it, to understand it. It’s only with time that she eases into it, and becomes familiar with it. Considering 22 years have passed since she started with this process of literally categorizing emotions, she would say she has some pretty recognized, but, boy does she have some way to go...

Recognized: Anger, amusement, happiness, annoyance, boredom, curiosity, confusion, disgust, envy, jealousy, lust, pride, guilt, regret, surprise, worry. (Mainly)  

Halfway/currently: Love, fear, anxiety. 

Unexplored: Sadness, grief, loneliness. 

This is obviously a rough list, and the ones I think are important when it comes to her character. 

The previous is only when it comes to herself. When it comes to other people and their emotions or display of these-- Is a completely different thing. 

In the first years, just like with her own emotions, it was rather hard for her to notice what other’s were feeling. An expression was just that-- An expression. It didn’t hold any true meaning, and she wasn’t able to attach it to an actual emotion. Just like with herself, with time, she started connecting expressions with emotions. 

Ironically, I think the ability to recognize them on others was easier than on herself. Surely, she learned faster with emotions she was shown more often. Fear and anger, the main ones. There are probably still a couple out there which she isn’t shown that much that probably could slip her by. 

EMPATHY

Going hand in hand with overall emotions comes empathy. Is it possible for someone who cares little for others to feel such a thing as empathy? The answer here is yes. However, most of the times is more something superficial than rooted in. Taken in from a logical perspective, instead of an emotional way. Harlow isn’t one to “walk in someone else’s shoes” but she can begin to understand where someone else is coming from, or to “read them”. Varying on the situation, of course. In the end, it’s only up to her if she wants to be sympathetic towards the person/people in question. 

For example, going back to the murder situation-- When/If someone who she’s about to murder, is crying and begging for their life, Harlow would know why, and understand it. Despite the fact, she’s never felt sadness or doesn’t have full recognition of fear when it comes to her. 

Of course, there also instances in which, even if she wanted to understand-- it’s not even possible.  A good example of this, was when Will begged her not to kill the hunters. Putting aside the fact she’s not all that fond of him, Harlow couldn’t even get why he was so against it, if he wasn’t the one killing them. If they had tortured her and would’ve possibly killed him. 

Like with everything, this empathy comes easier when is people she’s closer to. Which aren’t many because-- 

RELATIONSHIPS 

Establishing relationships with people isn’t exactly a MUST for Harlow, while she can actually make them easily with little effort, she maintains them at a certain arm length. Why? Because in the end, others are rather disposable. A “friend”? She could easily leave one behind and get another one, right? She knows that’s not right, that she’s not supposed to do that. Use people to get what she wants, or to save herself/make herself seem innocent of something she’s actually guilty of. But that’s the thing-- For Harlow, only Harlow comes first. 

JACK ALVAH: Her boss.  

Jack is another one of Harlow’s key moments. It’s funny to say, that if it hadn’t been for Jack, Harlow most likely wouldn’t have tried to be a functioning member of this society (lmao). Think of a loaded aimless gun, just shooting off everywhere and anywhere. Surely, she’s still a loaded gun-- But at least there’s some aim and/or direction.   

So how was Jack the reason, Harlow isn’t a complete savage? In the most abstract of terms-- Harlow could be considered a soldier. She follows orders, directions, instructions, so on. Those require certain discipline. It is only odd to consider that a demon as rebellious or unapologetic as her would do such a thing or follow someone else’s command. There is an explanation for that-- In some messed up way, Harlow was somewhat GRATEFUL for Jack.  What the fuck, right? But I guess when you spent fuck knows how long being tortured in Hell, and suddenly you’re not-- This was the jack(haha)pot.  

Not to mention that for the longest of time, Jack was basically all Harlow knew. Surely, there were her other “co-workers” but in a place like this, friends aren’t really a thing either. You kill or you get killed. You use or you get used. Simple math. Whoever doesn’t get that, then well, it’s their own damn fault. 

So why didn’t she try to go away? Call it convenience, rather than loyalty. The “training” and missions started, and Harlow was like “hey this isn’t bad at all” -- she was out of Hell? She got to do the things, the usual people would frown upon, without anyone in there bat a single lash? And on top of that, she could easily get things she wanted? Sign her the fuck up. Yet, Harlow knew Jack wasn’t a friend. No. He was using her-- She was nothing more but another tool. Whatever. To her, he was also a mean to her own ends. 

CLAUDIA DAVENPORT: Her everything. 

Remember when I said, “for Harlow, only Harlow comes first?” Well, hahahaha... 

Chronologically speaking, Claudia is key moment 3, 4, and possibly more, depending on what happens down the line.  Truthfully, I’d say these are the most important. 

By the time, Harlow had already been around for 17-ish years, she already had climbed up and made a name for herself among Jack’s crew. What can I say? She was good at completing her missions-- whether it was murdering someone, getting information, or pretending to be a specific type of person... 

It was odd at first to learn that her boss had a daughter (and a son)-- Him? Having children? Even Harlow knew that wasn’t something she’d hear, but hey, what did she know about family and things like those, except for what she read and watched in movies. There wasn’t much of a second thought about that, until one day, she got called over and was told to look after Claudia. That was the complete opposite of what she did. Was there an option to make someone else take on that? Maybe, maybe not. It wasn’t like Harlow complained, perhaps she was curious on what it was to be a normal person.

Technically, she hadn’t been told she had to befriend her, still, that’s what she did.  It was so easy. They joked, teased each other, talked about anything and everything, watched movies, and spent most of the day/their days together. Those apart, Harlow couldn’t only look forward to the day they did. Was this what having a real friend was like? Not looking for the knife behind her back, not expecting an eventual fall? Being around Claudia was nice. It was good. Even if they weren’t. Harlow felt this kind of happiness that simply wouldn’t come with other people, or doing the bad things she liked to do. It was different, and she definitely didn’t hate while she didn’t understand. All of this made it so easy for Harlow to also forget, this had all started out as a LIE. Harlow didn’t really see it as one, when she was being herself. She wasn’t pretending to be someone else, it was herself. So maybe if she ignored it, it wouldn’t go wrong--

HUH OH. 

Just like she didn’t understand, why she was feeling the way she was around Claudia, or what those emotions meant. She also didn’t know there was a possibility that Claudia could be feeling the same. Until she was close to her-- about to kiss her, and Harlow’s dumbass went off like ‘hey, this is not something friends do... right?’ still, I don’t think she would’ve stopped it hadn’t it been for Jack suddenly doing it himself. Saved by the bell? Not so much when he also pointed a finger in Harlow’s direction to say she worked for him. Now-- she didn’t see that one coming. So the gig was up, job over-- Now off, to more missions. Except, Harlow truly hadn’t seen Claudia as a job. She was a friend. Her first and only friend for that matter. And now... she wasn’t, because of what she did. And a couple of new feelings surged after that, like something weighing her down. They weren’t fuzzy or made her feel good-- Complete opposite. Something was missing-- Eventually, realizing she missed Claudia. But there wasn’t anything she could do about it now. 

To say Claudia has thrown her off her game in several ways is definitely an understatement. The years passed, and Harlow still missed Claudia-- not always consciously, but always there. She most likely thought, she’d never see her again, until another day came-- And she was back to being the bodyguard. Which she would go on facefirst. 

Fairly, Harlow didn’t know what to do. Things weren’t how they were (obviously) and she did what she did best-- PRETEND.  Maybe if she pretended like they were still those two teenagers, it would be the same. WELP. She also didn’t understand how or why Claudia didn’t hate her, or why she hadn’t looked to pay her back. (Because Harlow often forgets not everyone is out for revenge) Current time, I don’t think she fully grasps Claudia's reasons not to, and that's also the thing… By now, Harlow has come to terms that they wouldn't or couldn't be the same, and they will probably never be able to be friends. It’s with that, Harlow is aware of the feelings she has for Claudia, easily embracing them. Going "fuck it" and kissing her is a major step when talking about this realization. It's only funny, (and a bit frustrating) that it hasn't downed on her these feelings mean she's in love. I mean, how could she, when she's never been in love? How could she tell when there has never been anywhere to look to and say "oh, so that's love." It’s not like she’s been shown any type of love either. She's slowly but surely getting there, okay. Baby (?) steps.

I can say, though, Harlow has always been in love with Claudia, and she most likely always will. I don't think she would ever be able to love someone else the way she loves her. Here's why: It would mean, she'd have to allow herself to be friends with someone else (you know, the kind of friend where she wouldn't sell the other for a cornship) and even if she did, she would be looking for Claudia in them, consciously and unconsciously.

Claudia is special to her, and so, she would do anything and everything for her.

Let's keep in mind, Harlow is inherently greedy so, yes, she wants Claudia to feel (just feel not do, I'll get to that in a moment lmao) the same way she does for her, aka love her back. (Because, Harlow isn’t a mindreader-- she can see Claudia’s eyes light up, she can see her smile, and giggle. Yet, she doesn’t correlate that this could mean Claudia loves her too, hah) 

But even if Claudia didn't, (or if she stopped) it wouldn't change a thing for Harlow. She still would look after her and put everything aside to keep her safe. What do I mean when I say not do? Considering Harlow would literally set herself on fire if it meant Claudia remained-- she doesn't want her to do the same thing for her. "I set myself on fire, not you."

There’s this quote, I found some time ago:  “Love is madness, doesn’t everyone agree that you’d do anything, endure anything, to be with the ones you love? So either you’re willing to let them use you with any sort of cruelty, so long as they keep you—which makes you a fool—or you’re willing to commit any cruelty, so long as you get to keep them—which makes you a monster. Either way, it’s madness.”

Personally, I think Harlow is part fool, part monster-- She would do and endure anything, even if it wasn’t to be with her.  She would die for her. The part fool, right? Especially, because Harlow would think the same thing about other’s who’d do the same as her. Willing to die for others? Pft. But Claudia... She would do so, she would easily accept (to herself) that she’s a fool. On the other hand, she would also commit any kind of cruelty for the same reason-- For Claudia. Not to keep her though. Harlow might be possessive, yet she’s capable to comprehend Claudia is her own person. Being willing to commit any kind of cruelty, can become dangerous when Harlow can’t tell apart an enemy or a threat, from a possible ally or friend. (Also, see: Lizzie Saltzman) 

In a few words: Harlow would attempt to smite everything and everyone around her, for Claudia’s safety-- and if all that fails, she would die as one final try. 

To try and wrap this section (WHEW) while it might not be played out because it would mean Harlow is not generally bamboozled by her own emotions-- I think to a degree, Harlow would generally WORRY about the implications of being in love with her. Not because she thinks love is a burden, funny enough, but because she’s aware, she’s not a good person at all. (And that they aren’t surrounded by the easiest or safest of situations) She knows that even if she never intended to-- She’s hurt Claudia in the past, and she doesn’t want that to happen again. She wants nothing more than her happiness, because for her Claudia deserves to be happy-- and she would also attempt anything for that, as best as she can. 

WILLIAM FLYNN VS MAXWELL HARVEY VS LIZZIE SALTZMAN: Her dumb bitch moments.

The first of these three she knew of was Will, of course. Simply by association. She knew he was Jack’s son, and therefore Claudia’s brother. That was as much importance as Will would have to her. There are two reasons why Harlow (despite not being fond of him) hasn’t thrown Will in harm’s way. a) There is a “do I get something out of selling Will out?” Ehhhh.... but this was heavily countered by b) despite not being told by Claudia herself that she knew of her brothers-- Harlow cares and respects her so much, she won’t do that just because. Now, if Claudia went “idgaf about them” then it be “well, tough titties, willie.” It’s funny to me, how there are similarities between Will and Harlow-- they’d do anything to protect those they care about, they wouldn’t back down from a confrontation, they attack first and ask questions later, they have complexities when it comes to emotions-- yet they don’t get along at all. As a matter of fact, Harlow would say she doesn’t like Will. It sort of brings me the question if Harlow truly likes herself lmao (she does, but she’s a hypocrite sigh) Maybe in different circumstances, maybe in the future-- she will actually see eye to eye with him. Be friends? That’s it-- Only if Harlow hasn’t done more to fuck things over in the general scheme of things.  :/ 

Comes in, Maxwell Harvey-- Harlow didn’t know about this sibling, and frankly the only reason why he didn’t get served that one night at the alley, was because she looked like Will lmao Same “this is Claudia’s brother” rule followed, whether Claudia knew about this one or not. Even if at first, Harlow couldn’t see over “fucking great ANOTHER William??” it is also funny how it seems to be that she genuinely likes Max better.  Here’s why-- Taking away the fact, Harlow found amusement in his fear and toying around with that... Meeting Will, he fought back and didn’t make her night easy-- Will fights back and goes head to head with her, and generally, this would earn someone a stab from her. (Which she knows she can’t do) She thinks Max will be the same-- Color her fucking surprised when Maxwell suddenly goes “i’ll do anything for you” and throws his own fucking twin under the bus. Harlow is like “yo.... RESPECT” and actually thought he was smarter than Will, who could’ve died. (aka not smart) Now-- Had Maxwell thrown Claudia under the bus, instead of William-- He would’ve become #1 enemy in 0.1 seconds.  

Finally, her ultimate simultaneous dumb ass bitch yet actually smart if put in a certain perspective moment-- Lizzie Saltzman aka “that blonde bitch at the beach.” The only reason why Harlow could even know about her existence, was because she saw her around Claudia, and her brain cells didn’t get enough oxygen for her to stop for a second and think “hey, this could be a friend.” No, the dumb bitch goes “whothefuck?” and JUMPS. Finding her was mere accident-- And she wanted answers. Who was she.  (Not jealous at all, psth... *Michael Scott’s cringe face*) That turns into actual annoyance, when Lizzie-- like Will-- goes head to head with her. Except, this girl didn’t mean anything to Claudia, did she? (oh boy) So she could get rid of her. Lizzie fights back, and man way to poke the demon. Now, Harlow has a petty vendetta-- Only she could be the biggest blonde at the beach. Her pettiness, becomes into an actual plan, though. By this point, Harlow believes Claudia to have broken Will out from where Jack got him-- And bitch, is she fucking tearing her hair out at what could happen if Jack knows this. Her mind goes directly to-- “would he kill her? worse?” and you know.-- no-no. So she looks at Lizzie “knows William and Claudia, but would probably die before saying anything” Saltzman, and goes: PERFECT. (Nevermind the fact, Lizzie was actually involved and is Will’s girlfriend, ohp) She thinks if Jack focuses enough on Lizzie, then Claudia will be safe. And you know, her mind would’ve probably done something, had it not been because Lizzie is a friend, and i-- :))))) Just like with William, I think Harlow could get along with Lizzie just fine-- in banter level friendship. You know, once again, if by the time a future comes... Things haven’t gotten even more fucked. 

In conclusion, of all this clusterfuck that is Harlow: