#wowza listen... if you plan to read this i rec you go for idk some popcorn or water because this shit got long as fuck

[deathlyharlows]

TASK #6 HARLOW VALENTINE - CHARACTER ANALYSIS + TASK #4 BONDS

UPBRINGING 

One of Harlow’s main KEY MOMENTS was the moment she was “born” or as she would say “woke up” or “crawled out of Hell.” She’s not certain on what happened or who she was before that-- She also didn’t take the time to actually worry about that, and while she has some kind of lingering feeling that there was more than just the Hell she was trapped in-- She poses the question: Would it change anything? And since the answer is no... WELL. 

That’s the truth, anyway, if Harlow ever remembered her human life, it wouldn’t change a thing. The biggest reactions that would be pulled from her would be something like “good to know I’ve always been this way?” followed by a possible whiplash that comes with knowing she’s old as fuck-- then go on her merry way. 

While I don’t have a set amount of times in which she’s gotten out/escaped from Hell, or the years she actually spent outside in her “other lives”, I can say-- aside from her actual human life-- current Harlow is possibly the tamest version. 

INSTINCTS/ RIGHT vs WRONG  

It didn’t matter if she was “a clean slate,” she was still a demon-- Which if you come to think of it, are basically mass destruction weapons freshly out of Hell. And while Harlow didn’t have any lingering recollection of anything, she was “pre-set” from day 1.  Having these natural impulses of wanting to self-serve herself, to take everything and anything she wants without paying for it, of destroying and creating chaos and pain, just because she felt like doing it or because she felt it’s fun.  A PREDATOR in the whole definition of the word.   

In the end, it also wasn’t just because she was a demon. She was already part of something, a soldier ready to be thrown to war-- or in this case missions to do whatever her boss asked of her. It’s only ironic, that I feel, had she not been kept under Jack’s domain-- she probably would’ve been wilder-- past and present.  

As time passed, and Harlow actually started being more self-aware-- She could realize pretty much everything she liked to do, and everything she did was morally and legally  WRONG. But that’s when the next part came, she didn’t care enough to go against it. So she continued and continues... 

Stealing? Good to get something for free! Harming people? Fun! Torturing people? Double fun! 

MURDER

Some people relief stress by drinking, smoking, doing drugs, having sex, or involving themselves in different activities-- Either it's harmful to them, or it's healthy. Harlow’s stress relief? Is harmful to others: Murder. 

It’s come to a point where killing someone is nothing to her. There could be a bunch of reasons why she does it. Fun? She was bored? She wanted something from someone, so she took it? Revenge? The answer is almost always the same-- Murder. It probably shouldn’t be, but killing someone is one of Harlow’s knee jerk reactions or solutions for almost everything. Pretty much so, that if she hasn’t murdered (or harmed) someone that has either annoyed or pissed her off in any way-- It means something. 

It brings the question, though-- Is it Harlow, or is this normal demon behavior?

Psychologically, speaking-- Harlow could be easily lumped in with a personality disorder, more specifically: ANTISOCIAL:  a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others, lack of empathy, bloated self-image, manipulative and impulsive behavior. Subtype: COVETOUS. 

Sidenote: Let’s keep in mind this is not a human character, so maybe psychology doesn’t even apply to demons asderftgyh

However, as much as she hits some (if not most) of the criteria. There is one strong characteristic that brings down the conclusion of Harlow having APD. 

EMOTIONS  

These have always been something quite difficult for Harlow to understand. She knows she has emotions and feelings, and she doesn’t exactly push them away. At times, she’s wondered if this is how it’s supposed to be. Do all demons have difficulty telling them apart? Is she even supposed to have them? Or do all of them actually have them, don’t have trouble telling them apart but they just choose to ignore them? It’s not like she can go (or trust) another demon for her to ask and have a heart to heart (ew), or for her to be “Hey, let’s compare!” so she manages as best as she can. 

There is a name for this: ALEXITHYMIA.

In her case-- Most of the times, if the emotion isn’t as “explored” she tries to make sense of it, to understand it. It’s only with time that she eases into it, and becomes familiar with it. Considering 22 years have passed since she started with this process of literally categorizing emotions, she would say she has some pretty recognized, but, boy does she have some way to go...

Recognized: Anger, amusement, happiness, annoyance, boredom, curiosity, confusion, disgust, envy, jealousy, lust, pride, guilt, regret, surprise, worry. (Mainly)  

Halfway/currently: Love, fear, anxiety. 

Unexplored: Sadness, grief, loneliness. 

This is obviously a rough list, and the ones I think are important when it comes to her character. 

The previous is only when it comes to herself. When it comes to other people and their emotions or display of these-- Is a completely different thing. 

In the first years, just like with her own emotions, it was rather hard for her to notice what other’s were feeling. An expression was just that-- An expression. It didn’t hold any true meaning, and she wasn’t able to attach it to an actual emotion. Just like with herself, with time, she started connecting expressions with emotions. 

Ironically, I think the ability to recognize them on others was easier than on herself. Surely, she learned faster with emotions she was shown more often. Fear and anger, the main ones. There are probably still a couple out there which she isn’t shown that much that probably could slip her by. 

EMPATHY

Going hand in hand with overall emotions comes empathy. Is it possible for someone who cares little for others to feel such a thing as empathy? The answer here is yes. However, most of the times is more something superficial than rooted in. Taken in from a logical perspective, instead of an emotional way. Harlow isn’t one to “walk in someone else’s shoes” but she can begin to understand where someone else is coming from, or to “read them”. Varying on the situation, of course. In the end, it’s only up to her if she wants to be sympathetic towards the person/people in question. 

For example, going back to the murder situation-- When/If someone who she’s about to murder, is crying and begging for their life, Harlow would know why, and understand it. Despite the fact, she’s never felt sadness or doesn’t have full recognition of fear when it comes to her. 

Of course, there also instances in which, even if she wanted to understand-- it’s not even possible.  A good example of this, was when Will begged her not to kill the hunters. Putting aside the fact she’s not all that fond of him, Harlow couldn’t even get why he was so against it, if he wasn’t the one killing them. If they had tortured her and would’ve possibly killed him. 

Like with everything, this empathy comes easier when is people she’s closer to. Which aren’t many because-- 

RELATIONSHIPS 

Establishing relationships with people isn’t exactly a MUST for Harlow, while she can actually make them easily with little effort, she maintains them at a certain arm length. Why? Because in the end, others are rather disposable. A “friend”? She could easily leave one behind and get another one, right? She knows that’s not right, that she’s not supposed to do that. Use people to get what she wants, or to save herself/make herself seem innocent of something she’s actually guilty of. But that’s the thing-- For Harlow, only Harlow comes first. 

JACK ALVAH: Her boss.  

Jack is another one of Harlow’s key moments. It’s funny to say, that if it hadn’t been for Jack, Harlow most likely wouldn’t have tried to be a functioning member of this society (lmao). Think of a loaded aimless gun, just shooting off everywhere and anywhere. Surely, she’s still a loaded gun-- But at least there’s some aim and/or direction.   

So how was Jack the reason, Harlow isn’t a complete savage? In the most abstract of terms-- Harlow could be considered a soldier. She follows orders, directions, instructions, so on. Those require certain discipline. It is only odd to consider that a demon as rebellious or unapologetic as her would do such a thing or follow someone else’s command. There is an explanation for that-- In some messed up way, Harlow was somewhat GRATEFUL for Jack.  What the fuck, right? But I guess when you spent fuck knows how long being tortured in Hell, and suddenly you’re not-- This was the jack(haha)pot.  

Not to mention that for the longest of time, Jack was basically all Harlow knew. Surely, there were her other “co-workers” but in a place like this, friends aren’t really a thing either. You kill or you get killed. You use or you get used. Simple math. Whoever doesn’t get that, then well, it’s their own damn fault. 

So why didn’t she try to go away? Call it convenience, rather than loyalty. The “training” and missions started, and Harlow was like “hey this isn’t bad at all” -- she was out of Hell? She got to do the things, the usual people would frown upon, without anyone in there bat a single lash? And on top of that, she could easily get things she wanted? Sign her the fuck up. Yet, Harlow knew Jack wasn’t a friend. No. He was using her-- She was nothing more but another tool. Whatever. To her, he was also a mean to her own ends. 

CLAUDIA DAVENPORT: Her everything. 

Remember when I said, “for Harlow, only Harlow comes first?” Well, hahahaha... 

Chronologically speaking, Claudia is key moment 3, 4, and possibly more, depending on what happens down the line.  Truthfully, I’d say these are the most important. 

By the time, Harlow had already been around for 17-ish years, she already had climbed up and made a name for herself among Jack’s crew. What can I say? She was good at completing her missions-- whether it was murdering someone, getting information, or pretending to be a specific type of person... 

It was odd at first to learn that her boss had a daughter (and a son)-- Him? Having children? Even Harlow knew that wasn’t something she’d hear, but hey, what did she know about family and things like those, except for what she read and watched in movies. There wasn’t much of a second thought about that, until one day, she got called over and was told to look after Claudia. That was the complete opposite of what she did. Was there an option to make someone else take on that? Maybe, maybe not. It wasn’t like Harlow complained, perhaps she was curious on what it was to be a normal person.

Technically, she hadn’t been told she had to befriend her, still, that’s what she did.  It was so easy. They joked, teased each other, talked about anything and everything, watched movies, and spent most of the day/their days together. Those apart, Harlow couldn’t only look forward to the day they did. Was this what having a real friend was like? Not looking for the knife behind her back, not expecting an eventual fall? Being around Claudia was nice. It was good. Even if they weren’t. Harlow felt this kind of happiness that simply wouldn’t come with other people, or doing the bad things she liked to do. It was different, and she definitely didn’t hate while she didn’t understand. All of this made it so easy for Harlow to also forget, this had all started out as a LIE. Harlow didn’t really see it as one, when she was being herself. She wasn’t pretending to be someone else, it was herself. So maybe if she ignored it, it wouldn’t go wrong--

HUH OH. 

Just like she didn’t understand, why she was feeling the way she was around Claudia, or what those emotions meant. She also didn’t know there was a possibility that Claudia could be feeling the same. Until she was close to her-- about to kiss her, and Harlow’s dumbass went off like ‘hey, this is not something friends do... right?’ still, I don’t think she would’ve stopped it hadn’t it been for Jack suddenly doing it himself. Saved by the bell? Not so much when he also pointed a finger in Harlow’s direction to say she worked for him. Now-- she didn’t see that one coming. So the gig was up, job over-- Now off, to more missions. Except, Harlow truly hadn’t seen Claudia as a job. She was a friend. Her first and only friend for that matter. And now... she wasn’t, because of what she did. And a couple of new feelings surged after that, like something weighing her down. They weren’t fuzzy or made her feel good-- Complete opposite. Something was missing-- Eventually, realizing she missed Claudia. But there wasn’t anything she could do about it now. 

To say Claudia has thrown her off her game in several ways is definitely an understatement. The years passed, and Harlow still missed Claudia-- not always consciously, but always there. She most likely thought, she’d never see her again, until another day came-- And she was back to being the bodyguard. Which she would go on facefirst. 

Fairly, Harlow didn’t know what to do. Things weren’t how they were (obviously) and she did what she did best-- PRETEND.  Maybe if she pretended like they were still those two teenagers, it would be the same. WELP. She also didn’t understand how or why Claudia didn’t hate her, or why she hadn’t looked to pay her back. (Because Harlow often forgets not everyone is out for revenge) Current time, I don’t think she fully grasps Claudia's reasons not to, and that's also the thing… By now, Harlow has come to terms that they wouldn't or couldn't be the same, and they will probably never be able to be friends. It’s with that, Harlow is aware of the feelings she has for Claudia, easily embracing them. Going "fuck it" and kissing her is a major step when talking about this realization. It's only funny, (and a bit frustrating) that it hasn't downed on her these feelings mean she's in love. I mean, how could she, when she's never been in love? How could she tell when there has never been anywhere to look to and say "oh, so that's love." It’s not like she’s been shown any type of love either. She's slowly but surely getting there, okay. Baby (?) steps.

I can say, though, Harlow has always been in love with Claudia, and she most likely always will. I don't think she would ever be able to love someone else the way she loves her. Here's why: It would mean, she'd have to allow herself to be friends with someone else (you know, the kind of friend where she wouldn't sell the other for a cornship) and even if she did, she would be looking for Claudia in them, consciously and unconsciously.

Claudia is special to her, and so, she would do anything and everything for her.

Let's keep in mind, Harlow is inherently greedy so, yes, she wants Claudia to feel (just feel not do, I'll get to that in a moment lmao) the same way she does for her, aka love her back. (Because, Harlow isn’t a mindreader-- she can see Claudia’s eyes light up, she can see her smile, and giggle. Yet, she doesn’t correlate that this could mean Claudia loves her too, hah) 

But even if Claudia didn't, (or if she stopped) it wouldn't change a thing for Harlow. She still would look after her and put everything aside to keep her safe. What do I mean when I say not do? Considering Harlow would literally set herself on fire if it meant Claudia remained-- she doesn't want her to do the same thing for her. "I set myself on fire, not you."

There’s this quote, I found some time ago:  “Love is madness, doesn’t everyone agree that you’d do anything, endure anything, to be with the ones you love? So either you’re willing to let them use you with any sort of cruelty, so long as they keep you—which makes you a fool—or you’re willing to commit any cruelty, so long as you get to keep them—which makes you a monster. Either way, it’s madness.”

Personally, I think Harlow is part fool, part monster-- She would do and endure anything, even if it wasn’t to be with her.  She would die for her. The part fool, right? Especially, because Harlow would think the same thing about other’s who’d do the same as her. Willing to die for others? Pft. But Claudia... She would do so, she would easily accept (to herself) that she’s a fool. On the other hand, she would also commit any kind of cruelty for the same reason-- For Claudia. Not to keep her though. Harlow might be possessive, yet she’s capable to comprehend Claudia is her own person. Being willing to commit any kind of cruelty, can become dangerous when Harlow can’t tell apart an enemy or a threat, from a possible ally or friend. (Also, see: Lizzie Saltzman) 

In a few words: Harlow would attempt to smite everything and everyone around her, for Claudia’s safety-- and if all that fails, she would die as one final try. 

To try and wrap this section (WHEW) while it might not be played out because it would mean Harlow is not generally bamboozled by her own emotions-- I think to a degree, Harlow would generally WORRY about the implications of being in love with her. Not because she thinks love is a burden, funny enough, but because she’s aware, she’s not a good person at all. (And that they aren’t surrounded by the easiest or safest of situations) She knows that even if she never intended to-- She’s hurt Claudia in the past, and she doesn’t want that to happen again. She wants nothing more than her happiness, because for her Claudia deserves to be happy-- and she would also attempt anything for that, as best as she can. 

WILLIAM FLYNN VS MAXWELL HARVEY VS LIZZIE SALTZMAN: Her dumb bitch moments.

The first of these three she knew of was Will, of course. Simply by association. She knew he was Jack’s son, and therefore Claudia’s brother. That was as much importance as Will would have to her. There are two reasons why Harlow (despite not being fond of him) hasn’t thrown Will in harm’s way. a) There is a “do I get something out of selling Will out?” Ehhhh.... but this was heavily countered by b) despite not being told by Claudia herself that she knew of her brothers-- Harlow cares and respects her so much, she won’t do that just because. Now, if Claudia went “idgaf about them” then it be “well, tough titties, willie.” It’s funny to me, how there are similarities between Will and Harlow-- they’d do anything to protect those they care about, they wouldn’t back down from a confrontation, they attack first and ask questions later, they have complexities when it comes to emotions-- yet they don’t get along at all. As a matter of fact, Harlow would say she doesn’t like Will. It sort of brings me the question if Harlow truly likes herself lmao (she does, but she’s a hypocrite sigh) Maybe in different circumstances, maybe in the future-- she will actually see eye to eye with him. Be friends? That’s it-- Only if Harlow hasn’t done more to fuck things over in the general scheme of things.  :/ 

Comes in, Maxwell Harvey-- Harlow didn’t know about this sibling, and frankly the only reason why he didn’t get served that one night at the alley, was because she looked like Will lmao Same “this is Claudia’s brother” rule followed, whether Claudia knew about this one or not. Even if at first, Harlow couldn’t see over “fucking great ANOTHER William??” it is also funny how it seems to be that she genuinely likes Max better.  Here’s why-- Taking away the fact, Harlow found amusement in his fear and toying around with that... Meeting Will, he fought back and didn’t make her night easy-- Will fights back and goes head to head with her, and generally, this would earn someone a stab from her. (Which she knows she can’t do) She thinks Max will be the same-- Color her fucking surprised when Maxwell suddenly goes “i’ll do anything for you” and throws his own fucking twin under the bus. Harlow is like “yo.... RESPECT” and actually thought he was smarter than Will, who could’ve died. (aka not smart) Now-- Had Maxwell thrown Claudia under the bus, instead of William-- He would’ve become #1 enemy in 0.1 seconds.  

Finally, her ultimate simultaneous dumb ass bitch yet actually smart if put in a certain perspective moment-- Lizzie Saltzman aka “that blonde bitch at the beach.” The only reason why Harlow could even know about her existence, was because she saw her around Claudia, and her brain cells didn’t get enough oxygen for her to stop for a second and think “hey, this could be a friend.” No, the dumb bitch goes “whothefuck?” and JUMPS. Finding her was mere accident-- And she wanted answers. Who was she.  (Not jealous at all, psth... *Michael Scott’s cringe face*) That turns into actual annoyance, when Lizzie-- like Will-- goes head to head with her. Except, this girl didn’t mean anything to Claudia, did she? (oh boy) So she could get rid of her. Lizzie fights back, and man way to poke the demon. Now, Harlow has a petty vendetta-- Only she could be the biggest blonde at the beach. Her pettiness, becomes into an actual plan, though. By this point, Harlow believes Claudia to have broken Will out from where Jack got him-- And bitch, is she fucking tearing her hair out at what could happen if Jack knows this. Her mind goes directly to-- “would he kill her? worse?” and you know.-- no-no. So she looks at Lizzie “knows William and Claudia, but would probably die before saying anything” Saltzman, and goes: PERFECT. (Nevermind the fact, Lizzie was actually involved and is Will’s girlfriend, ohp) She thinks if Jack focuses enough on Lizzie, then Claudia will be safe. And you know, her mind would’ve probably done something, had it not been because Lizzie is a friend, and i-- :))))) Just like with William, I think Harlow could get along with Lizzie just fine-- in banter level friendship. You know, once again, if by the time a future comes... Things haven’t gotten even more fucked. 

In conclusion, of all this clusterfuck that is Harlow: