#arrow 5x18 spoilers

[storyteller0311]

Oliver won’t put the Green Arrow suit back on until he feels worthy of it.

When he does it’s going to be awesome.

[olivergifs]

[feilcityqueen]

You.

[smoakgifs]

[queensarrow]

[oliverxfelicity]

[jbuffyangel]

Timshel: Arrow 5x18 Review (Disbanded)

I love Mumford and Sons. They are one of my favorite bands. If you ever get the chance to see them live, please do. They are one of the rare talents who actually sound better in person. One of my favorite songs is "Timshel." (Their live performance is stunning.) I always think of Oliver Queen and John Diggle whenever I hear this song.

Timshel by Mumford and Sons

Cold is the water It freezes your already cold mind Already cold, cold mind And death is at your doorstep And it will steal your innocence But it will not steal your substance But you are not alone in this And you are not alone in this As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand Hold your hand And you are the mother The mother of your baby child The one to whom you gave life And you have your choices And these are what make man great His ladder to the stars But you are not alone in this And you are not alone in this As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand Hold your hand But I will tell the night And whisper, "Lose your sight" But I can't move the mountains for you

The word "timshel" was in the back of my mind as I watched "Disbanded." John Steinbeck built his entire novel "East of Eden" around it. "Timshel" is referenced in the story of Cain and Abel.  It's a Hebrew word that means "Thou mayest." It has a variety of definitions, even in Hebrew, but Steinbeck settled on "Thou mayest" because of the meaning behind it. The character Lee, a Chinese servant, explains in "East of Eden":

"But the Hebrew word, the word timshel—'Thou mayest'—that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if "Thou mayest'—it is also true that 'Thou mayest not.'" (24.2.73)

Ultimately, it is free will Steinbeck is exploring. "Thou mayest" means mankind is neither compelled to be good nor doomed to evil. We have a choice. Mumford and Sons is exploring the same theme in their song- all we have are our choices. And that is how John Diggle reaches Oliver Queen tonight.

Let's dig in...

Oliver and Diggle

Season 5 benched Diggle. It's just that simple. The fact that we had to revisit this after the dismal failing of benching Diggle in Season 3 is one of my main frustrations with this season. NEVER BENCH DIGGLE. 

Never bench any of the core three really.

There's all kinds of reasons I suppose. Reasons even David Ramsey has articulated - there's a lot of story to tell, the newbies needed screen time to be set up, etc. There's really no good reason for me. I always want more Diggle and without him the show suffers. Diggle is the compass. He points the way.

I had a bit of a revelation while watching Diggle and Oliver interact. I've often wondered why Disney always kills the mother in their fairytales. One explanation I heard was if the mother was alive then most of the problems wouldn't have occurred. Moms solve problems.

Diggle is sort of the same way. He solves problems. Sometimes it feels like Arrow has to pull back on Diggle, so Oliver can screw up. Otherwise, there's no drama. This doesn't excuse benching Diggle. We've seen him be Oliver's compass time and again. We've watched Oliver blatantly ignore all of Diggle's advice, and charge headlong into disaster, season after season.

Pure stubbornness only gets Oliver so far though. Sometimes Oliver has to fly solo for awhile before Diggle can swoop in and save the day. Of course, the correct answer is to give Diggle a more interesting individual arc than PRISON, but that's a conversation for another time. Ultimately, John Diggle is Oliver Queen's superhero. He's the man who saves the hero. And Felicity too, of course, but we're building up to her.

Oliver is done. He's disbanded the team, but he won't tell anyone why. It's just over.  

Diggle asks for the room. Yes, even Felicity is asked to leave. 

(I love how she hesistates here.)

Felicity tries to reach Oliver,

but Oliver can't even look Felicity in the eye. 

He can only whisper, his voice almost breaking...

Oliver doesn't want Felicity to see him like this - broken, lost and worthless. Even though Felicity believes she's seen Oliver at his lowest, she hasn't seen him like this. 

This feels different because it is different. This is lower. This is darker. This is beyond guilt or mourning. This is shame. Oliver is so incredibly ashamed of the ugliness he's seen inside himself. He believes, in his soul, that he is unworthy - of Felicity, of the team, of the crusade... of everything.

And Diggle sees it. He sees the shame in Oliver's eyes. He knows the torture brought something to the surface for Oliver. Something infinitely more painful than whatever he just experienced physically. Something Oliver can't share with Felicity - especially not her. If she knows... oh god... if she knows...

I think soldiers share a bond. They understand the cost of war. A fellow soldier knows the price the other had to pay. A fellow soldier knows where the pain comes from, where the guilt comes from, and yes, where the shame comes from. I also think sometimes a man just needs to talk to another man. No different than a woman needing to talk to another woman. It can be difficult for a man to be broken in front of a woman they love.

My father never talks about Vietnam. All I've ever heard are the happy stories. Strange there are happy stories from serving in a war, but my father has a few. I hear about how he flew helicopters and operated the radio. He even had a puppy named Dog. Those are the stories I know from Vietnam.

One day, my husband and I were talking about my father and I made some passing comment about how I didn't think my father saw very much action. My husband was amazed at my naiveté, "Your father was special forces Jennifer. He was a Green Beret." Honest to God... I didn't know. He never told me that. The most my father has ever said to me about what he experienced is when he came home he made the decision Vietnam was not going to define his life.

He may have not told me, his daughter, but he has talked about it with his sons-in-law and with his brothers. It's different because I'm his child, but I also think it's different because I am his daughter. I am certain he's talked about it with my mother, just as I am certain Oliver will talk about it with Felicity. However, years later, it's still easier for my father to share those stories with other men. So, when Diggle told Oliver, "It's just me here man," I understood what he meant, even on a small level.

But Oliver is too ashamed to even talk to Diggle. This hole goes much deeper than even Diggle knows.

The team doesn't disband. Diggle won't allow that. He makes the very good point that they are not just the Anti Prometheus team - they fight all crime in Star City. There are people out there who need Team Arrow.  Lyla hooks them up with some ARGUS tech and they are alerted to a break in at a medical laboratory. AVENGERS ASSEMBLE.

Except... it's Anatoly and the Bratva breaking in because Oliver has made a shady deal to kill Prometheus. It leads to Confrontation #1 between Diggle and Oliver. Honestly, Diggle is at a loss with Oliver.

Diggle: We don't hire criminals and pay them with diabetes drugs.

I interrupted at, "We don't hire criminals-" and shouted, "to do our crime!" Sadly, that's not what Diggle said. Boo. Sometimes, I think Team Arrow forgets they are technically criminals too. That's just details though.

Oliver isn't really interested in his compass being pointed due north this time.

Oliver: Star City will not be safe until he is in the ground. There is no price I will not pay to see that happen.

Diggle: Even selling your soul?

Oliver: Better my soul than yours. Or Felicity’s. Or Curtis or anyone on the team.

Diggle: You hired Anatoly to kill Chase so we wouldn’t have to.

Oliver: I created Prometheus John. I created this whole thing. His death should be on my conscious. Not yours.

Oliver has a name for his sin know. He knows what his darkness is. He's not ready to admit the truth to John. He's dancing around it, but the truth is Oliver doesn't believe there's a soul here to save. Shame can lead you down an even darker path. It allows you to compromise the uncompromisable. What's one more sin? If you're beyond saving then what's the point of being good? What's the point of anything?

As I said last week, there's a difference between Oliver liking killing and believing he likes killing. It's the belief that has a choke hold on Oliver right now. It's the belief that is driving this shame. Oliver believes he has nothing to lose because he was lost a long time ago.

The fact that Oliver can even utter the word conscious, that he's concerned with protecting those he loves, that he LOVES, is proof he's not the sociopathic killer Adrian Chase says he is. Inexplicably, Oliver cannot recognize this obvious fact. That's the power of shame. It doesn't reveal the truth. It makes you blind to it.

Diggle tries to reason with Oliver and says he's not to blame for every bad thing that's ever happened. Oliver lists off all the people who have died because of him. This is an old song for Oliver Queen. We have the lyrics memorized. We know the beat and the melody, but the tune is different this time. It's more hollow and hopeless.

When Oliver blamed himself for Moira, Tommy and Laurel's deaths before he only had a vague understanding of the reasoning behind it. He always felt like he was a force of destruction. No matter how much he wanted to protect them, no matter how much he loved them, in the end the ones he loved paid the price. Oliver believed his love destroys, but he didn't really know why. Now he does. Oliver has named his darkness. He knows his sin. It doesn't feel like trauma anymore. It doesn't feel like PTSD. It's feels like truth. They didn't die for a worthy cause or because they were caught in the crossfire of Oliver's war. They died because he is a monster.

Never underestimate the power of shame.

After Diggle fails to get Felicity on board with "Team United Front" (more on her in a bit), Diggle heads to the bunker to confront Oliver for Round 2. Only this time, he interrupts a meeting with Anatoly where he is explaining to Oliver why they need the diabetes pills. They can be combined with another drug, creating an addictive street drug more powerful than heroine. This is the very thing Oliver, the Green Arrow, would stop. It's what his crusade was predicated on - or so Diggle thought.

Now Diggle is just getting pissed. 

First, he's put in five years with Oliver Queen. That's earned John the right to decide when he's done crusading and whether or not he needs protection. Hmm... THAT LINE SOUNDS FAMILIAR.

Second, not only is Oliver in bed with the Bratva to kill Chase and helping them create an addictive and illegal narcotic, he has the nerve to argue CONSCIENCE to John.

I mean... 

Diggle tells Oliver to stick his conscience where the sun doesn't shine. If Oliver was really listening to his conscience then he would have never called the Bratva in the first place. He wouldn't be making dirty deals with Anatoly. Or at least the man Diggle knows wouldn't.

This was a chilling line and Stephen's read on it was pitch perfect. That's really what this all comes down to - the kind of man Oliver believes he is versus the man he really is. He realizes holding firm with Diggle isn't going to be enough. Oliver needs to make Diggle see the truth like he's seen it.  So... he confesses.

I said last week the key a piece to confession is confessing to love. It's only by confessing to love that you can receive a true reflection of your sin. More often than not, our own shame can blind us to what is real and what it is not. Our shame can make salvation seem impossible. When you confess to love, and you receive the grace of forgiveness, suddenly the impossible is in reach. Redemption seems possible.

Diggle's reaction to Oliver's "truth" is pretty much where we're all at, which is...

As Oliver speaks, Diggle begins to see how deep this hole goes. It's possibly even deeper than the one he was in when Diggle first met him. It could be deeper than the holes Diggle has found himself in. However, there's no hole John Diggle won't jump into with Oliver Queen. They are brothers.

Oliver tells Diggle that everyone will be okay if they just stay away from him and allow the Bratva to do what they came to do - kill Adrian Chase. He tells Diggle he is beyond redemption.

There is a look of recognition on Diggle's face. This man Diggle knows. He's been down this hole with Oliver before and maybe the truth is they've never really left yet. Maybe they are still finding their way. The point is Diggle remembers how all of this started for him. Diggle remembers the reason he joined Oliver Queen's crusade in the first place.

Diggle returns to the team and tells them they are going to stop the Bratva from killing Chase. When Wild Dog balks at the idea of saving Chase and John explains the reason they are doing it. It's the reason John Diggle join Oliver Queen's crusade. It's the reason behind Oliver's story.

"If Oliver lets the Bratva kill chase then he’s going right back into his old habits. No, we’re gonna bring Chase to justice. This isn’t about saving Chase. This is about saving Oliver’s soul."

The crusade was always different for John Diggle. It was always about saving Oliver. 

As the years have gone on, and Oliver has slowly evolved, John's reasons evolved too. He wants to save the city. He wants to atone for Andy, but this reason was the one that started it all. 

Diggle saw a broken man in Oliver. John saw himself and so he reached out a hand and Oliver Queen reached back.

This is the reason we're all here too. As I've said, this story is not just about a man becoming a superhero. It's about saving a man's soul. To hear my words echoed by John Diggle gives me no small amount of joy.

Diggle fears if Oliver lets the Bratva kill Chase then he'll be falling back into his old patterns, but Oliver already fell into old patterns after Laurel's death. Everyone was simply too lost in their own grief, in their own pain, to really do anything about it. 

Oliver said he was killing out of necessity, to save lives and to protect his secret. His reasons at the beginning of Season 5 are the same reasons as Season 1. We can rationalize just about anything, but what are the consequences of those rationalizations? Can we bear the cost of our choices?

It's interesting that Oliver won't kill Chase. He hires the Bratva instead. If Oliver enjoys the kill as much as he believes then why doesn't he just do it himself? What's one more life? If he's beyond redemption why not put an arrow in the guy? Why go through the Bratva?

Maybe Oliver feels too broken to take Chase.  Maybe he lacks to the confidence. Maybe he fears Chase planned for that. (It's also not season finale time). Or maybe killing has finally taken its toll on Oliver. Maybe the cost is too much to bear.  

"I don't want to do this anymore."

None of the people Oliver killed were good.  We can argue the world is a better place without them. But is that the point? Who among us has the right to be judge, jury and executioner? Even if Oliver Queen can be that person... can he live with the cost? The truth is, Oliver Queen is a good man with a conscience. No matter how he rationalizes the choice, no matter the necessity, there's a cost to be paid for every life he takes. Oliver has always felt the weight of it. He knows the responsibility he carries, but now he's asking himself different questions.

Chase stripped away the rationalizations. What once felt reasonable, and even right, now feels like a twisted sickness. 

It's the words of a broken man to be sure, but can Oliver ever go back to killing? It's a question that will always haunt Oliver. Did he kill because he had to or because he wanted to? Can he tell the difference? Oliver is analyzing every kill. Was death the answer every time? Was there really no choice? Or were there other options? If there were, is he really serving justice? Or is it something else?

Diggle and Felicity stopped Oliver from becoming the monster Anatoly feared, but we can all become the worst versions of ourselves someday. Oliver is at a crossroads in "Disbanded" and Diggle knows it. Oliver is using his irredeemability as the rationalization. He believes he’s doomed. This mentality will only lead to darker choices until Oliver Queen truly is lost. It leads to a hole not even Diggle can pull him out of.

Prometheus is created from Oliver's killing. Prometheus is the unforeseen consequence. Every time Oliver releases an arrow he will wonder where this death leads. He will wonder what price will be paid. What is the unforeseen consequence? Oliver will also ask these questions if he doesn't kill.

So, Oliver is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't? Perhaps. Or maybe we're looking in the wrong place for answers. Maybe the answer isn't in the targets. The bad guy and the situations will only provide more grey zone. More rationalizations. Maybe the answer is Oliver.  Those bad guys may not be worth saving, but Oliver Queen is. If so, then what's the price of his soul?

That's the question Diggle is asking. This isn't about Chase. The price for justice is never free. Diggle is realizing what he warned Oliver about years ago is coming true. The price is Oliver. It was always going to be Oliver.

The only way to stop Oliver from falling deeper is to stop him from killing Adrian Chase. So, that's what Diggle does. He becomes an immovable object against Oliver's unstoppable force and the two collide. The Bratva are foiled by Team Arrow and Chase is put into protective custody where the Bratva can't reach him.

Oliver goes to Diggle's apartment to confront him. He hits Diggle square in the jaw. It reminded me of a scene from ER. John Carter becomes addicted to painkillers. His mentor, Peter Benton, tries to force Carter into rehab. Peter grabs John by the arm and Carter punches him. Then, Carter breaks down into sobs. He loves Peter Benton. Hitting Benton was Carter's low... and he got in the car.

Oliver realized the same thing John Carter realized. Pushing the love away doesn't push the pain away. Diggle isn't the enemy anymore than Peter Benton was. The enemy is inside.

Diggle gives Oliver a passionate speech and it may one of his best of the series.

This is brotherhood. This is love. This is friendship. It's very easy to say you'll always be there for someone, but actually following through is a different story. People pay a lot of lip service to friendship without keeping their promises. Friendship is not an easy road. You'll have disagreements, but if you really care about someone you work through them. You love them in good times and bad. You don't just walk away. You show up.

That's who John Diggle is. He shows up. He's committed to Oliver Queen, to their crusade and their brotherhood. There's no "truth" Oliver can share with Diggle that will stop John from loving him. They've been through the fire together. 

They seen the lowest of lows 

and the highest of highs. 

They've battled together 

and each other.  

Diggle is not going anywhere. 

Oliver told someone his ugliest truth and he didn't walk away. Oliver may not know who he is, but John does. Diggle knows the good, bad and the ugly... and he still loves Oliver.  It's enough to spark the smallest bit of hope in Oliver.  

Unconditional love isn't ignorance to someone's flaws. Unconditional love challenges us to be better. It promises to love us even when we fail. It offers the strength to get up and try again. It's what Oliver offered John when he was sitting in a jail cell, consumed with guilt over killing his brother.

We finally come full circle on Diggle's arc that started in Season 4. Killing Andy was Diggle's lowest low. His deepest hole. Andy is Diggle's darkest shame. It's why he's able to recognize the shame in Oliver. Diggle has been down this hole before and Oliver Queen's unconditional love was the way out. It challenged him to be better. 

Oliver pulled him out by being the light. He offered atonement to John.

John offers the same light and love to Oliver. He offers atonement. If Oliver believes he's a monster, not worthy of the suit, then ATONE. Be better. Be the man who is worthy of the suit. Salvation is found in bearing the responsibility for the choices we make. We don't get to hide from our sin. We have to face it.

Oliver was resigned to being doom, but Diggle argues there is still a choice. Oliver can still choose between good and evil. He is not fated to either one. He has the power to make his own path. Oliver Queen can choose who he is and within the action of that choice he can become that man. Thou mayest or thou mayest not. Free will is a gift. We can always make another choice. Therein lies our salvation. The antidote to shame is timshel.  

Oliver still isn't sure how and Diggle tells him very quietly to ask for help. That's how this brotherhood started. Not so long ago, Oliver asked John for help. 

He reached out 

and John reached back.

But you are not alone in this

And you are not alone in this As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand Hold your hand

None of us can do this alone. Oliver may have lost faith in himself, but he has faith in John. He has faith in the team. He asks for their help and they vow to stand with him.

Oliver chooses his brother John over his Bratva brothers and calls off the hit on Chase. It causes a painful falling out with Anatoly, but Oliver holds firm to his choice. Team Arrow stops Anatoly from stealing more drugs. When Anatoly tells Oliver to kill him, that there's no other choice, Oliver finds another way. He makes a different choice. Thou mayest.

John Diggle's belief is enough to appeal to Oliver's mind, but not his heart. He still doesn't quite believe in who he is. Oliver will not wear the Green Arrow suit until he feels worthy of it. (This finale is going to be awesome.)

John is just the first step. Oliver needs someone else to appeal to his heart. Someone needs to give Oliver something else to believe in.

Olicity

"A man must know who he is in order to be happy."

That's an Olicity foreshadow if I ever heard one. Like I always say, Felicity Smoak will never be the first piece to Oliver's puzzle. She will be the last. Oliver needs to decide who he is. No matter how much Felicity loves him, this darkness was always lurking underneath. Now that Oliver has a name for it he can face it and conquer it. Then, he'll achieve real peace. This isn't something Felicity can do for Oliver, however.

Yet, Oliver can't do it without Felicity either. She is the one person Oliver really needs to confess his shame to, because she is the one person who can appeal to Oliver's heart. That's where belief resides.

However, Felicity isn't ready for that. She's too lost in her own pain. After Chase tortures Oliver, Felicity is out for blood. She leaves the warm and fuzzy to John and she takes on revenge. It's very Buffy of her.

Felicity chooses not to override Oliver's protocols. She respects his choice to disband the team. When John pushes Felicity for a united front against Oliver, she refuses. Felicity doesn't necessarily think Oliver is wrong. Maybe they need to explore other options to taking down Chase.

Girl... say whaaat?

Normally, Felicity would be leading the charge to put Oliver back on the straight and narrow, but her conversation with John is more about her than it is Oliver. Felicity is exploring more morally questionable options to beat Chase. Finding another way is nothing new for Felicity. However, this time she's exploring the darker side of "options." She's getting in deeper with Helix. They continue to ask her to perform jobs she doesn't quite have all the information on. Just as Oliver and Diggle paid the price for their "darkness", so will Felicity.

Felicity can't help Oliver because she is lost herself and vice versus. The distance between them this season is a catalyst for both their dark arcs. However, each needs to go through these arcs to learn the lessons necessary for their reunion. Their distance may be a factor of their spirals, but I don't know if they'd find their way back together without the spirals.

Felicity is juxtaposed with Anatoly in "Disbanded." Before Oliver left Russia, Anatoly feared what kind of man he'd become without Oliver. When Oliver was in Russia, Anatoly wanted to make the Bratva better. He wanted to refocus the organization on helping the poor, hungry and lost people of Russia.

Now, five years later, Anatoly is using the Bratva to sell drugs to the very people he vowed to protect. He's more concerned with holding onto power than making the Bratva better. When Oliver breaks his vow with the Bratva, Anatoly vows revenge. There is no understanding, no friendship and no love. Anatoly has become the worst version of himself. In the end, it's not Oliver who became the monster. It's Anatoly.

We can trace back the shift in Anatoly's soul to the moment Oliver Queen leaves. The point is to refute Chase's claims and Oliver's fear. Oliver Queen is not a force of destruction. He's good man and people are better for knowing him.

Felicity has distanced herself from Oliver.  She’s becoming a darker version of herself without him. Same with Oliver. One year without Felicity and Oliver is believing he's a sociopathic serial killer. 

They've both made mistakes. As painful as those mistakes were, their love is ultimately a good thing in each of their lives. Oliver and Felicity make each other better. We can wonder who Felicity would have become without Oliver as much as we wonder about who Oliver would have become without Felicity. 

Which is why these darker paths will eventually lead them back together. Regardless of their own choices, Oliver and Felicity can still see the good in the other. It's Oliver's belief in Felicity and Felicity's belief in Oliver that will be the light that shines the way out of the dark.

In the end, Felicity's questionable relationship with Helix leads to the key to Prometheus' undoing. That ho hum reveal proves to be the linchpin to taking Chase down. Felicity is able to decrypt his tech with Helix and Curtis' help and Chase is outed as Prometheus.

Felicity is the one thing Prometheus didn't plan for. In more ways than just one. Felicity's mind may have been the key to identifying Chase as Prometheus, but her heart is the key to Oliver Queen's soul. It will be her love that gives Oliver the final push. Her belief will give Oliver the strength to figure out who he is.

Then, he'll be worthy  of the Green Arrow and Felicity. It will be Chase's undoing because Oliver Queen will be unstoppable. But first... Felicity needs to find her way out of the darkness and she'll need Oliver to do it.

Snoozan

Finally.

Oliver dumps Susan rather unceremoniously, which is fine. He doesn't love her. He never did and I beyond thrilled Arrow finally stopped pretending this relationship has a shot in hell. Prometheus ended Oliver's relationship with Snoozan. So, he's officially my favorite villain. 

*Takes award from Manu and hands it to Joss Seggera*

To bad Slade.

Stray Thoughts

Curtis is not the new Felicity. Dinah & Wild Dog are not the new Diggle. Be quiet children. Diggle can be Oliver.  That was fine.

Dinah, honey, let's be less discriminating with that Canary cry. You could have taken out the Bratva in one fell swoop.

Have we ever seen Oliver wince in pain/shake his hand after punching someone? It's because John Diggle is made of stone.

I had trouble telling everyone apart in the black ninja gear. The suits actually serve a purpose. Who knew?!

Felicity's hair is a Vidal Sassoon commercial. She was so beautiful it was distracting.

So that’s what’s on the other side. A table. interesting. I would have gone more loungey loft.

This cupcake.

Felicity being more proficient in the field than Curtis is the most accurate thing they’ve done with his character all year long.

HA! Yeah, everybody knows guys. Worst kept secret ever. They have images of everyone in the world Felicity. Methinks they can figure out who’s on Team Arrow.

Smart ass.

Chase is legit unhinged. I LOVE IT. Stabbing the FBI agent over and over again with a freaking pen. Brutal. “It’s a beautiful morning...” I died. That song. If Felicity wasn’t a target for Chase then she sure is one now. I CAN’T WAIT!

Next week's promo!!! "You'll have to stop me." THE HEAT.  JUST HAVE ALL THE SEX ALREADY. I’m so lit.

Hey CW promo department - thanks for actually promoting the characters we care about. 19 eps is a little late to the game though

[yet-i-remain-quiet]

Since when are you such a badass?

Since always.

[alanna-the-lionheart]

I find it interesting that Oliver brought up post-traumatic stress when he was talking to John about why he blames himself for the bad things that happen to people in his life. I like to think Oliver brought it up because PTSD is something that he and John (and perhaps he and Felicity) have talked about before, even if we’ve never seen it on screen.

I’m just happy that after five years of strongly hinting at the fact that Oliver suffers from PTSD, the show finally decided to outright mention it (even if Oliver’s initial response is to deny it because Chase has broken him to the point where he just believes the worst of himself).

[storyteller0311]

Best Laid Plans of Men and Monsters...

In a lot of ways, Season 5 is about plans. The making of them, the execution of them, the deviation from them. But it’s not just about plans in Season 5. It’s about plans from long ago, some short-term and some long-term.

And about how those plans – good and bad, successes and failures – become legacies.

Before I delve super deep into this, I’m going to warn you. I have a lot of thoughts. Like SO MANY. And they’ve been percolating since before 5x17. So, while I’m going to try to keep this as organized as possible, I’m not making any promises…

Oliver

“Felicity, before I met you, I had a plan. I had a way that I was gonna be.”

From the moment the Queen’s Gambit sank, Oliver had a plan. First, it was to survive, to honor his father’s sacrifice and to make it back to Starling City alive. Over time, that plan evolved, became more complicated – all before he ever stepped foot back in Starling City at the beginning of Season 1. It was hijacked, for better or worse, by Yao Fei, Shado, Slade, Ivo and Sara, Amanda Waller, Maseo, Amanda Waller (again), Reiter and Taina, Kovar, Anatoly, and finally by Talia. Survival transformed into a quest for justice, a determination to honor his father’s wishes and to save Starling City.

But Oliver’s plan wasn’t the only thing that changed. Oliver changed too. Surviving the sinking of the Queen’s Gambit, watching Sara disappear into the dark ocean, witnessing his father sacrifice himself and another would have been more than enough to change Oliver, to transform the careless and spoiled billionaire. But, for Oliver, that was only the beginning. Survival came at an immense cost. And those costs added up over time to a point where by the time Oliver arrived in Russia, he was having a really hard time seeing the forest through the trees.

No longer just a necessity, killing had become a habit. It had become a way to control situations he was in. And, rebounding off the guilt he felt from killing Vlad and then failing and killing Taina, it was easy to seek vengeance for their deaths by targeting Kovar. And then change became spiral. Oliver’s willingness to do whatever was necessary led him into the Bratva, where murder masqueraded as survival and every-man-for-himself masqueraded as brotherhood. 

It’s ironic that Anatoly questioned Oliver’s deeds in 5x17 when his initiation into the Bratva in many ways was the final step – before Talia – of Oliver’s spiral into darkness. It was the final lesson in kill or be killed, in isolation as the best way to proceed.

So, when Talia finds Oliver, he’s ripe to be molded into a life of dual existence. Oliver’s capacity for killing is legitimized. It’s given a name, an identity where before it co-existed with the light that still lived inside Oliver Queen. Talia is as much to blame for the “monster” as she is for Oliver’s ability to do good as the Arrow. She may have trained him as the hero, but she also gave the “monster” the final push into existence.

But, as we know…best laid plans of men and monsters often go awry.

“…I was in darkness. But with your kindness, your generosity, your compassion, your intelligence, your wit, and your trust, you brought me into the light.”

When Oliver decided to return to Starling by way of Lian Yu he finally felt like he was ready to tackle the promise he had made to his father. Kovar was dead* and Talia had trained him to be a vigilante capable of getting things done and a man who could co-exist with his hooded darkness.

But after so long on an island and acting as a metaphorical island, Oliver forgot that life – family, friends, responsibilities, expectations, etc. – has a way of infiltrating everything you do. He did not return to Star City in a vacuum. And he could not have imagined that the life he was returning to – specifically the people he was closest to – was so closely embroiled in the conspiracy he would come to fight.

Quickly, however, cracks began to appear in Oliver’s darkness and his plan started to deviate. His life as the lone archer ended as first Diggle and then Felicity joined his team. The plan changed. He was still co-existing as two identities, but he’d let others into that life. The darkness – the “monster” – was ever so excruciatingly slowly becoming blurred. Diggle and Felicity challenged Oliver’s Hood identity and all the baggage that came with it.

And then Tommy died. And the plan changed again. Killing as a method of justice, of control was replaced with non-lethal methods. And Oliver’s adherence to that promise was a different way that he maintained control. But the plan kept changing and things got messy. But throughout that journey, two things remained the same:

Oliver never resolved his relationship with the “monster.” He never was able to reconcile his two identities into just one entity, something that Felicity highlighted at the end of Season 4 when she described Oliver as living within a schism. Oliver has been and still is at war with himself. He stopped killing in Season 2, but the two sides still existed. He rode off into the sunset with Felicity in 3x23, but the two sides still existed. He decided to run for Mayor, to do more, to be more in Season 4, but the two sides still existed. Those identities had evolved, the man who embodied them had changed, but they were still there at war with one another.

But, the man  – the one deep, deep down – he hadn’t changed. He was still the man who loved his parents, who loved his sister, who loved his friends, who loved his city. He was still the man who wanted to do right by those he met, to do good.

He was still the man Diggle believed in from the very beginning.

He was still the man Felicity trusted.

“When I first met Oliver…he would ask me to do weird things for him…and when I would ask him why he would come up with these ridiculous excuses and I always knew he was lying but I would help him anyway…because I knew Oliver was a good person with a good heart.”

And in 3x17, Adrian Chase took that man and broke him. He made Oliver forget everything he’s accomplished. He made Oliver forget the light that had transformed his life over the course of five years.

And it made Oliver question his legacy – and the legacy of those Oliver was trying to uphold.

It’s easy to forget after 5 seasons and so much plot that at the crux of Oliver’s mission at the beginning of season 1 was not just one legacy, but three. Oliver’s crusade was as much about living up to the memories of Yao Fei and Shado as it was about keeping his promise to his father.

And Adrian Chase convinced Oliver that the “monster” that Talia had helped create, that had returned to Starling City with a single-minded mission in 2012 hadn’t changed at all. He made him doubt his worthiness.

“The Hood is who you are. You don’t think you deserve it? Fine. Work to become the man who does.”

He made him doubt whether he deserved anything more than darkness.

“…you brought me into the light. You let me know that I deserved it. You were that light.”

Now Oliver will need to battle back from the brink. He has been at his lowest of lows. 

As we know, 3x17 was not Adrian Chase’s endgame. He wanted to break Oliver to the point that Oliver only had 2 choices: resort to attempting to kill Adrian in broad daylight as Oliver Queen. Or see that the only way to eliminate the threat of Prometheus is to kill himself.

Adrian Chase/Prometheus

But just like the deviation of Oliver’s plan over the course of 5 years will be his saving grace, so too will the deviation of Adrian’s plan be his downfall.

Tonight’s episode showed that while Adrian might be ten steps ahead of Oliver and Team Arrow, he couldn’t anticipate EVERYTHING. And while we may eventually learn that Helix is part of his plan and he did plan on Felicity, Adrian, much like Voldemort, has underestimated the lengths that the hero’s friends will go to to save his soul and defeat the villain.

And, furthermore, Adrian Chase himself has possibly forgotten that the very “lesson” he tried to teach Oliver applies directly to him too. When the “monster” is in control, mistakes are made. Because you get lost in the weeds. 

Adrian, by the end of 5x18, has completely given in to his monster. But unlike Oliver, there isn’t a good man underneath his hood. The monster has taken over and overpowered the man completely. 

Felicity

As much as she described Oliver as existing within a schism last year, Felicity is living within one this year too. She is living two identities, trying to be Overwatch and Ghost Fox Goddess at the same time. Felicity will never go DARK dark, because she will always possess that light. She’ll always be the bubbly, babbly genius that serves as one of Team Arrow’s moral compasses. 

But after a year from hell, Ghost Fox Goddess made a resurgence.

Felicity had a plan. She was going to do good, she was a hacktivist. But that plan crumbled when Cooper warped their intentions. 

A plan for a normal life replaced it, but that too changed when Oliver Queen walked into her cubicle and then wound up in the back seat of her car bleeding. And despite the bumps along the way, Felicity’s journey returned to an arc of being able to do good and effect real change in the world in which she lived. 

She had power. She had control.

But those accomplishments and that arguably upward swing came crashing down in Season 4. She was shot, she lost her job, she made a devastating choice regarding Havenrock, her team disintegrated…

The power to effect change waned somewhat, her purpose was minimized, her confidence diminished. Her ability to protect disintegrated. Between Havenrock and Billy, death and destruction had finally touched her in a way it hadn’t before.

Her faith in the way things could be accomplished – had been accomplished – was shattered. She needed a new outlet. She needed her power and her influence back. And Helix has given that to her.

Felicity’s light is still there, her optimism is simmering under the surface…but it has taken a back seat. Now, Felicity is Team Arrow’s realist. She’s the doubter, the cynic.

She has lost patience with taking the time to do everything the absolute right way and is okay with cutting corners to get results faster and better.

We’ve always know Felicity was willing to go to any length to protect her team, particularly Oliver, but she’s never been so careless with her own safety and the consequences to not just her but also those around her. 

This was all extremely clear tonight as Felicity left Team Arrow minus Oliver in the dust to go to Helix. Diggle is trying to be the optimist in 5x18. But Felicity is immediately the realist. She knows Oliver might come around, but she also knows it might be too late by the time he does. 

Felicity knows Oliver. She knows that Chase got inside his head. She could see it immediately. He dressed his own wounds. He won’t let anyone near him. He can’t even look at her. She knows that he has shut completely down. She knows he’s not exaggerating. She knows that he’ll stop at nothing to keep Diggle, etc. from trying to keep Team Arrow going.

She doesn’t have faith that he’s going to come back from this, not in time to defeat Chase. And she is certain that he needs to meet his maker. 

Helix has given Felicity her power back. And she’s going to wield it. Consequences be damned.

Anatoly

I wanted to briefly comment on Anatoly in this episode. 

There was another layer to Anatoly and Oliver’s story tonight that I wasn’t expecting. As much as the Bratva’s present-day appearance in this episode was plot-driven, Anatoly’s presence was more complex. In 5x17, Anatoly questioned Oliver’s dual identity and also questioned where Oliver was headed with the increasing comfort in brutal murder and torture.

But, in 5x18, it became apparent that as much as Adrian Chase is a mirror to Oliver, so is Anatoly. When Oliver left Russia, Anatoly was a good man who had been thrust into a position of power. But, power is corrupting and Anatoly has not fared so well.

Indeed, as Oliver has shed darkness and embraced light over the course of five years, Anatoly has shed his light and embraced more and more darkness. 

He has had to go dark in order to survive, much like Oliver did.

@scu11y22 @almondblossomme @ibelievenu @charlinert @callistawolf @dust2dust34 @dettiot @geniewithwifi @jbuffyangel @jedichick04 @nalla-madness @ohmypreciousgirl @supersillyanddorky06 @arrowgirl20

[smoakmonster]

STEPHEN IS KILLING ME WITH THE RETURN OF OLIVER’S SAD, RASPY VOICE. AND THE WAY HIS VOICE SQUEAKS WITH WEAKNESS WHEN HE’S TALKING TO DIGGLE AND FELICITY, WHILE NOT BEING ABLE TO LOOK THEM IN THE EYE. AH THIS IS SO PAINFUL. 

[feilcityqueen]

#she feels so helpless #she wants to hug him #to comfort him #she wants to ease the pain somehow #but she can't

[smoakgifs]

[queensarrow]

[turtlejustice]

I’m just over here thrilled that Oliver finally acknowledged that he has PTSD.

[yet-i-remain-quiet]

I can't be with you.

Oliver to Susan