#as soon as you said you liked yor loid and anya I instantly knew I had to gif the family

[upperranktwo]

♡The Forger Family♡

Merry Christmas Ana ♡ @gojosattoru | From your animanga secret santa 

[piracytheorist]

Vulnerable (2/2)

Fandom: Spy x Family Word count: 2k for this chapter - 6.5k in total

Summary: Loid gets sick. Yor looks after him. A few feelings escape his control.

AO3 | Read from the beginning

~

Twilight could feel his senses kick in one by one. He kept his vision for last in a vain attempt to convince himself it had all been a dream, and that he'd wake up in his bed healthy… and alone.

Anya came trotting back to the living room - quite a short study session, then - making his efforts to pretend he'd dreamt it all even more futile.

"Is Papa feeling better?" she said. He could hear the wide smile in her voice.

"His fever dropped a little more. He's not sweating as much now, see?"

"I think he'll wake up soon."

Good dreams were a severe rarity for him; the irony of wishing such a moment was just a dream did not evade him.

The last time someone had looked after him like that… was when he had someone to look after him in the first place.

The last person whose presence he'd felt so comfortable in, before all the distrust and stress and alertness had taken root in his mind.

The last person whose embrace he'd truly, fully leaned in.

The memories of getting sick and being treated by her were vague. She would take him to her bed and keep him close. He'd weakly snuggle on her lap as she patted a wet sponge on his forehead and sang to him until he fell back asleep.

Beneath their silver shine…

He finally forced his eyes open.

The first sight that caught his attention was Anya; she was sitting on her small pink chair, colouring pencil in hand, and she was staring at him with wide eyes and her jaw dropped. Spotting his gaze she twitched, then looked down and continued drawing.

Yor was sitting on the armchair next to him, her eyes on the TV. She moved, however, when she saw Anya twitch, and turned to look at him.

She smiled kindly at him, and he felt the tips of his own lips form a smile back.

There. All better now, see?

"Loid! Are you feeling any better?"

Finally conscious. How long was I out of it?

The clock on the wall read 13:42. Almost five hours of unconsciousness right in front of them.

Sloppy, sloppy! Get a grip!

"Yeah," he replied. Not a second had passed since she'd asked him. "I think I can sit up now."

"Careful," Yor said, offering her arms to help him, but he shook his head gently as he dragged himself into a sitting position.

Squinting, he focused on his breathing until the dizziness went away. He looked at Yor again. "Did you call Dr. Green again?"

"Oh! I completely forgot!"

Shit. She's gonna have my head.

"I'm so sorry!" Yor said, as if reading the worry on his face; she probably was.

He had just allowed himself five hours of unacceptable levels of vulnerability in front of her and Anya. Who knew what else was slipping through now?

"It's alright. No harm done. I'll just call her…" His voice drifted off as he threw his legs off the sofa, but then gravity itself seemed to pull him back towards the pillows.

Damn it, still worn out?

Yor picked up the thermometer, then gave him a good look. "Would you like to take your temperature on your own?"

He kept his eyes open and took the thermometer without a word.

She understands your need for control. You've given her too much berth.

"I'll call Dr. Green and update her when it's ready." At that, she stood up and walked to the kitchen. She picked up the box of crackers from this morning, came back to the living area and left them on the coffee table.

Right. He should get some sustenance. He still hadn't eaten anything.

"Will those be enough?" she asked. "I can order us some food."

He nodded and instantly regretted it, as even that small movement added to his headache. "That would be nice. Thank you."

Yor smiled again, and then blushed, turning her face away. Anya suddenly smiled widely.

He suppressed a sigh. He'd read children can have unpredictable reactions, but this one in particular never ceased with those.

He checked the thermometer. 37.8 degrees.

That's good. I'll be alright by tonight.

He told Yor, and once again she nodded with her gaze turned away.

Damn it. Of course she'd remember it.

She walked to the phone and dialed.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Green. It's Yor Forger again."

He'd made sure that the phone he got would have a correctly aligned speaker so the sounds coming from it wouldn't be heard in the surroundings. It was a necessary safety measure, but now he wished to at least hear the tone of the Handler's voice - if, at least, to prepare himself for her berating next time he'd have to meet with her.

"He's much better. It's just 37.8 degrees now, and he's awake. He slept through the whole morning!" she added with a smile.

Yor!

"He's… he still looks too tired to come to the phone." She gave him a quick glance, then turned back again. "Yes, it's just 37.8 now, he checked it himself."

Of course, he should normally be able to perform some basic activities even with such a temperature, especially someone as well-trained as him. But he was well aware that his pent-up exhaustion from all these months was having a field day hitting him all at once right now.

If he'd just had the strength to walk to the station, then go to his exam room in the hospital… He could have at least locked the door and assured the Handler that it was Nightfall keeping the situation under control, not a random civilian.

If he had just woken up earlier, before the fever hit him through.

Sloppy, Twilight. And now the Handler is getting anxious. Give her something before she sends Nightfall here.

"Can you please ask her to set my appointment with Mrs. Entz for Monday, same time?" he said.

"Oh, sure," Yor said and repeated the request.

There. At least he could pass on an apology for his weakness and a promise to make it up later. Not that Yor knew what the code she just transferred meant.

"Thank you very much, ma'am-- uh, Doctor. Have a good day too." With a small smile, Yor hung up, then turned towards them, though mostly facing Anya. "What would you like for lunch?" she asked.

Loid opted for plain rice with vegetables, and as he watched Yor and Anya hovering over the delivery leaflet, he couldn't stop his mind from wandering to what was most likely the reason for Yor's avoidance of him.

Had he really asked her to be Anya's forever mother?

He knew he'd been a little out of it because of the fever, but he couldn't believe he'd lost so much of his grip. Where had that audacity come from? Where had that worry come from?

As far as the mission was concerned, Yor was already outdoing herself as the wife and mother of the Forgers. He had absolutely no reason - or right - to ask anything more of her. He was already using her enough.

So how had Twilight, Twilight, resorted to asking her to take care of Anya when he inevitably left her behind? Even worse, it hadn't been a direct request - he'd manipulated that answer out of her, acting as if he was worried about Anya's future…

Of course, in a way, he was hoping the girl would have a steady, happy childhood later on. But who was he to thrust the responsibility for that on Yor? And in such an underhanded manner?

Yor's acceptance had sounded genuine. But did she have any idea how certain the future of him going away was? How much Anya would depend on her once the mission was over?

He looked at them, noticing how Anya was asking Yor of all people what she thought would be the tastiest dish, and his hand went to rub at his chest as he felt it constrict - lung infection? He hadn't had any trouble breathing until now. Immediately, they both looked at him, but Loid Forger just smiled at them, placating their worry.

Of course. They both had good, kind hearts. They'd spent their entire morning looking after Loid, because they cared for Loid.

And when the time would come, Twilight would get rid of Loid and rip him away from them.

As much of a good father Loid had to be, Twilight would have to be the exact opposite and leave Anya, just like the families before him had.

Was that what had pushed him to ask Yor to fill in his place? Had his own guilt driven his feverish consciousness?

He broke out of his thoughts by a sudden sniffling sound. He knew its source immediately, and turned his eyes towards her; tears were streaming down Anya's face.

"Anya?" Loid and Yor said at the same time.

Anya sniffled a few times, then looking down at the menu, she exclaimed, "There's nothing with peanuts!"

Three silent seconds passed. Then Yor breathed out a laugh and patted Anya's head, while Loid suppressed a sigh and a rolling of his eyes.

"It's alright, Anya. You can get anything you want and we can sprinkle some peanuts over it, okay?" Yor said.

Anya nodded and wiped at her eyes, still staring down. She didn't cry anymore but upset was still apparent on her face.

Loid rubbed at his chest again. A few months ago, Twilight would have simply told himself that there wouldn't be any worth in understanding that behaviour.

In that moment, that thought didn't even cross his mind. It was a completely different man, seeing Anya's distress and wishing to understand it.

~

He didn't allow himself any more sleep, though Yor suggested he lie back down to rest some more. He had already been too careless for one day. Couch-ridden as he was, he was collecting his energy to get up and his mental stamina to deal with the Handler's ire when he'd call her.

Anya was eating her serving of spaghetti with sauce, having completely forgotten about the peanuts she'd bawled over less than an hour ago. She and Yor had joined him around the coffee table for lunch, and were now chatting about school and the new toys Anya wanted to buy. To his gratitude, they let him eat in silence. Hopefully his illness would be enough of a cover for his lack of participation in family socialization that day.

Yet, he looked at them. Whenever Anya talked about them, Papa was always mentioned first, then her Mama. Since according to their cover story he was her biological father and the parent who had been with her her entire life, it made sense to mention him first.

But now… there was nothing in the way Anya and Yor acted around each other that could make someone think they weren't actual mother and daughter. Even someone like him would need further observation to realize she hadn't been in her life all along.

They might not have had a past together, but they were living their present the most together.

And as Anya leaned excitedly towards her plate and Yor threw her pink hair behind her shoulders so they wouldn't fall in the food, smiling at him meanwhile, he could see them having a future.

Yes. He was glad he'd asked Yor for that, despite the feeling of guilt that came hand-in-hand.

But then, guilt had been a frequent companion for half his life. It was nothing new.

He needed the guilt; he needed it to remind him of who he truly was and of the true gravity of his actions. But at the same time, he could live with a small bit of relief, knowing Loid Forger's eventual and inevitable disappearance wouldn't absolutely ruin the lives of those two.

After all, their good relationship post his disappearance could prove helpful. The closer they were, the less likely people would suspect that it was all an impromptu family, or that Loid Forger wasn't the dedicated family man he claimed to be.

Of course. His ways might have been less than delicate, but as for the mission, the result was more than acceptable.

He sighed wearily at the sight of Anya burying her face in her plate to lick it clean.

Still, the corners of his lips perked up.

~

A/N: Twilight rationalizing his love for his family what else is new.

And no, he doesn't remember the kiss. In the timeline this takes place it's for the better, because it relieves the situation of the unavoidable manipulation he'd utilize in order to explain himself. I just wanted a truly, openly vulnerable moment for him, where he'd be so out of it he'd have lost all his "Twilight" control and just be the man he truly is; a SimpTM. And also avoid direct consequences because this is just a feelsy one-shot.

And yes, the Handler was more worried for him than she was about the mission :)

Again, anime only fan here. Don't spoil the manga for me pls <3