#as well as working on a fursuit head that i wanna finish before a con at the end of may

[epicwolfofdarkness]

On a related note to my previous post, anyone wanna hear about my Goosebumps fic ideas? I'm rotating several of them in my brain atm, I just haven't started writing any of them yet

[keefwho]

June 02 - 2024 Sunday

11:00pm

3/10

Today I woke up an immediately started cooking breakfast instead of showering. My plan was to eat and start up an early TOTK stream on Twitch because I always say I wanna stream early in the morning because I do. After breakfast I ended up showering instead because I wanted to maximize the coziness of being clean and having my coffee while I played. It worked and I streamed for a couple hours before noon. Usually I don't get anyone chatting but a few people showed up today including JG which was welcome, he is clearly reaching out very kindly to me.

After streaming I joined BR's server to play more than I meant to of A Dusty Trip on Roblox. For the first time I found a shop and learned a bit about what does/doesn't sell well. I left to go make and eat lunch which was butter noodles and a slice of pizza. I learned recently it's a really good combo. While I ate I tuned into the Farlands or Bust stream for Minecraft. I tried to settle my brain down with that because the guy doesn't talk too much and the gameplay is methodical in a hypnotizing sort of way. I felt good for at least a little bit content with this low-thought activity. I sorta peeked at this text based sex/vore game that was being advertised on Furaffinity just for shits and giggles. I'm not into vore at all but the game didn't force you to partake in that. After a bit I figured I should do my therapy homework since my appointment is tomorrow so I started on that but got interrupted by BD who I offered to take a model retexture commission from. We went over what she wanted and I briefed her on the time period and price estimates. Then DS was free to chill.

I read her this poetry a guy in my mom's store gave me randomly, most of which was about god. Some of it was decent but again, very religious and kooky to me. Then we watched furry con vlogs like usual and finished this Oneyplays video referencing The Nostalgia Critic a bunch. DS was stuffing the tail of her fursuit and I think it looks really good, I try to express the pride I feel in seeing her do such good work on this big project of hers. Then we watched some pet grooming videos before we did puzzles and she headed off to bed. I felt awful because there was a lot on my mind and I wanted to talk but I didn't speak up because I guess I didn't feel worth it. I corrected this by texting after the fact explaining this.

I played a bit of Roblox and texted a couple people just trying to see what was up. I ended up calling JD for a bit and we talked about how we've both been and oddly enough, politics for a bit. It was nice though, he clued me in on how I sorta behaved when I first moved here and the kind of impression he got of me. I feel like the most accurate versions of my history come from other people's perspectives. I just don't hear it a lot.

Due to book club on Saturday, the topic of self trust has been on my mind and the concept of the "vault". It refers to the information you have about yourself and others and if you are sharing properly. In my case, I think I air out people's business sometimes in a way I shouldn't be. My philosophy has always been that it's okay to spill anyone's deepest secrets if it's towards people that will never interact with them, especially if I don't name drop. But I guess I'm questioning that and I feel I haven't been respectful of people's information. I also haven't been respectful of my own. I do overshare sometimes. I think this journal in general might be disrespecting my own vault. If so then it might be taking a toll on my self trust because in a way it means I'm setting myself up for failure, directly acting against myself. Something I gotta think about. I do want to be heard but maybe this isn't the right way.