#asi hi hello i’m still alive and writing just. eh

[witchersgoldenbard]

“You’re hurting,” Yennefer says in a hushed voice.

Jaskier only shrugs. “Seems to be my thing now.” His attempt at humor falls flat, his words dry in his mouth, and the smile he attempts feels pale even to himself.

Yennefer sits up properly and captures his face between gentle hands. “It doesn’t have to be,” she says, and Jaskier swallows as she searches his eyes. “Remember the baths. When you… Remember? I can make it hurt less. Put your mind back in order so it doesn’t seek to hurt you with conjured lies.”

He wants to back away, wants to shake his head and say no. He needs the pain after all, needs his emotions to be his own, needs them to be strong in order to have anything at all.

“You’re afraid you’ll lose yourself if you lose the pain, but you won’t, Jask. You’re more than this. You’re more than the heaviness you feel in your chest.“

But I’m not, he wants to say.

He closes his eyes so she doesn’t see the tears beginning to blur his vision.