#asking me to help her memorise a full page of A4

[nevertheblood]

the endless battle of me vs whatever bizarre need school teachers have to teach kids to prepare for language speaking exams by memorising huge blocks of text at a time

for most students this is vastly unhelpful???? I'll fight i swear it

[ajokeformur-ray]

This post has been a long time coming but I just haven't had the time, the energy or the words.

But now, eight months later, I have all three, so here we go.

@rosesloveletters and I FINALLY got to meet in person in October 2022. It was everything we dreamed of and more. We had a lot planned for our holiday, and I mean a lot. An entire A4 page full of ideas and we managed to do every single one of them and even a few more which were impulsive and thought of on the day. Rose took me to four or five different clothing shops because I wanted a very specific type of shirt and I wasn't willing to compromise on what I wanted (we practically studied the reference photos, looking for The Right One™️ and to this day, you need a crowbar to get it off me), she took me to Smoothie King just because I vaguely mentioned I wanted another of what I'd fallen in love with a few days before (read: I begged her for my favourite drink and she was generous enough to take me even though we only went the day before💖). Not to mention the time she took me to Hot Topic and watched me spend $200 in ten minutes on band t-shirts. I went feral.

But unanimously, our favourite times were when we watched films, ate snacks and cuddled on the sofa every night. Hanging off each other's shoulders at 1am in her kitchen because we somehow fucked up s'mores so bad that all we could do was laugh about it. Were they delicious because we made them well or because we were high on laughter and each other's company? I still can't decide and I don't think I'm supposed to.💕 All I wanted to do when I flew from the UK to the USA was give the woman I have come to know over the last (almost) four years as my sister, more of a family member to me than some actual biological family members, a good old squeeze. All I have ever wanted from Rose is a hug, and the more she gave me, the more I wanted. I stop counting after our tenth hug and started enjoying them without worrying about memorising the number.

Within just five minutes of meeting her for the first time, I had hugged her, touched her face to ascertain that she was real (this bit felt like a dream; I only recently asked and it was confirmed that I did actually do this🥺). I had managed to achieve a dream years in the yearning and making for the both of us, and headbutted her shoulder affectionately like a cat. I am not a touchy person, generally speaking, but with Rose, I was following her around her house like a puppy, wanting every second with her that I could. In the two weeks we were together, the longest amount of time we spent apart was when one of us was in the shower or we were sleeping. If those two things weren't happening, we were side by side and living the life.

I have never in my life felt so at peace and relaxed. I was in a totally new country having used my passport for the first time, been in an airport for the first time, flown for the first time, gone to America by myself with severe anxiety and depression (at the time I was undiagnosed and unmedicated) for the first time... I was a total wreck emotionally speaking and I had many an anxiety attack. I had people back home - primarily my aunt - pretty much holding my hand through phone and video calls to help me navigate the flying process and make it to Rose in one piece. I was so scared but then when I saw her coming at me through the crowd, it was like nothing mattered. I'd reached my sister, I was there with her... and that had been all I cared about. All the way between the home airport and the airport where we met, I just kept thinking Rose is on the other side, keep going, Rose is waiting... and it got me through one of the scariest self-imposed situations I've ever been in (so far).

All the daydreams in the years before we got to meet... none of it lived up to the reality of seeing Rose running towards me... I'm surprised we didn't knock each other to the floor, honestly. We practically flew at each other. Even now, I think of hugging her every day and meeting her again. It usually makes me cry, or at the very least go about my day smiling to myself. I am so so grateful to and for Rose... she really is like a sister to me, we share many similarities and any differences between us are minor. The aesthetic differences between us makes me giggle; sometimes talking to her is like talking to me, but our clothes went in the opposite direction to one another. I love her so much, so much, and I miss her every day.💔

The point is, I crossed the world to give Rose a hug and she welcomed me with an open home, open ears and open arms and I'll never be able to thank her enough for her warmth and generosity; not just once but twice, because I have already fully paid for my next journey to see her again in September 2023!🥺😍🙏I just... I love her so so much, she's the sister I always wanted. I wanna grow old with her, but I suspect I already am.🥰🫂💖