#assumption (defense mechanism?) that I have to serious factual and to-the-point to say something about important things | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rubysparx · 3 months

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I see my irls with like chill alterhuman spaces online like how’d you do that. Dawg everytime I think I found a chill space turns out they have a specific rule that excludes a part of me or what I believe in. And that’s a general statement not a vague thing abt something specific. No I mean what I say it kinda sucks man what da heck. Like if I was as open and like.. unabashed like my Real Life friends r abt it I think I’d get killt. I feel like I need to be a graduated scholar + historian + archivist before I can say anything abt my experience as alterhuman or even like share that part of my… me!! And even if I were all that I still wouldn’t say shit because I’m so mortified of like having that tie to me. Like yea my words now officially have weight in my mind, on the idea that I’d be extremely knowledgeable- but you’re not allowed to know who said those words. Quote me like an uncredited poem screenshot you see in every post about blorbo bleebus

#I do think there is a hostility #one which I have actually run into #but I’m also well aware this is just another example of my #assumption (defense mechanism?) that I have to serious factual and to-the-point to say something about important things #when I’m the contrary the most important things are often matters of emotion #to which of course I SHOULD be personal and open and a bleeding wound to shoot into about it #ok? whatever. walks away #whatever. I will continue to not say anything abt it but like #I need to remind myself every once in a while I can literally do whatever the fuck I want .#I see these sick blogs my buddy’s have that looks so fun gotta admit I’m a lil jealous #totally bogus brother </3 #I’m better at like. being active on disc servers tho #and it’s harder to find a space that will have you in that kind of environment imo #because it’s not just your space you can’t just kick people out yk #it’s like a park rather than a bedroom. idk I’m visual and metaphorical #ok whatever walks away for real this time

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