#asuka x hiiragi

[heretherebedork]

Asuka is entirely trapped between them. Their love is freeing for them, bringing them together, but Asuka is trapped. He's absolutely hemmed in completely and his smile fades the more they love each other. This is the reminder of what he doesn't have and what he feels like he's loving. Asuka had enjoying the day, part of a bigger whole, but this brought them together in a way that reminds him of what he's running away from.

Behind them and then framed between them and Asuka might have found support but he's still alone, he's still struggling, and he still sees their relationship for how sweet and loving it is. In earlier scenes Shin had to get between Asuka and Minato constantly but this shows that the truth is that Asuka cannot get between them. That space isn't him pushing them apart, it's him seeing the love between them and wishing he could find his own way to make that space.

[gakisoba]

Kakegurui Yorozu Anthology

This is an official anthology published by Square Enix featuring illustrations and short, mostly comedic manga stories by guest artists.

+185 pages +ISBN: 9784757554160 Contents:

Color illustrations 

+art by FUJIWARA Cocoa, MOCHIZUKI Jun, HAZUKI Matcha, ENDO Midori, HIIRAGI Yuichi, NATSUMI KeI, HOKUO Yu, IFUJI Shinsen, TASHIRO Tetsuya, MAYBE, SUZUKI Jiro, Souichirou, KATAGIRI Atari, AKAGI Asahito

Manga

+”Kakeguriri” by YOSHIMURA Kana

+”Sayaka wa Himitsu wo Te ni Iretai.” By Mosuko

+”Unit wo Kumu Onna-tachi” by FUKAMI Makoto x TOKIYA Seigo

+”Ou-sama no Isu” by Aidairo

+”Akuma to Idol to YUMEMITE Yumemi” by KAGISORA Tomiyaki

+”Doki☆ Marugoto Mizugi! Kakegurui Darake no Mujin Touseikatsu” by SATOMI U

+”Gamble suru Basho” by YAGI Takashi

+”Sayaka to Yumeko no Love Gamble” by Tachi

+”Ganbare Suzui-kun” by AKI Taka

+”Jinsei Keikaku Byou wa Zettai desu” by TAKENAKA Hideo

+”Sumeragi-san no Kounando Jinsei Game” by YOSHIBE Akuro

+”Tanjoubi” by SAIKI Kei

+”Kakegurui (Kakkokari), Tokubetsu-Hen: Suzui Spin-Off Hoshii-Hen” by KAWAMURA Taku

+”Sashitagaru Onna” by Gakukirio x Ori

+”Kirari to Sayaka no Doki Doki ☆ Hair Catalogue” by TAKASE Asuka

+”Image Change! Oudou Battle” by SHIGEMURA Moto

+”Pochi Mike Hiyori” by Satonbo (series of 4-koma)

[chibicrow]

Natsumeme’s OTP Master List

Behold: the product of nearly the past seven hours of today lmao. 

So my Twitter fam was interested in seeing an OTP Master list after I asked “hey should I make one?” I actually only did this in the event I reblog one of those writing memes where it’s like “write your OTP in this scenario with these tropes” and people . . . actually know what my OTPs are and don’t have to guess at it lmao. 

Without further ado, check under the “read more” for my comprehensive list of OTPs. 

Boku no Hero Academia

Hardcore ship but I haven't seen much fan work, so no one knows lol

Uraraka Ochako x Tsuyu Asui Ashido Mina x Hagakure Tooru Hagakura Tooru x Ojiro Mashirao  

Ship but I'm not into the ship enough to be gung-ho about it

Todoroki Shouto x Midoriya Izuku   Kirishima Ejirou x Bakugo Katsuki   Yaoyorozu Momo x Jirou Kyouka   Yaoyorozu Momo x Todoroki Shouto  

Cardcaptor Sakura

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Kinomoto Sakura x Syaoran Li

Hardcore ship but I haven't seen much fan work, so no one knows lol

Kinomoto Touya x Tsukishiro Yue

Cardfight!! Vanguard

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Sendou Aichi x Kai Toshiki   Katsuragi Kamui x Sendou Emi   Mitsusada Kenji (KOUTEI) x Usui Yui  

Hardcore ship but I haven't seen much fan work, so no one knows lol

Olivier Gaillard x Sendou Aichi Olivier Gaillard x Kai Toshiki   Tokura Misaki x Usui Yuri Tokura Misaki x Tatsunagi Kourin   Tokura Misaki x Kai Toshiki   Mitsusada Kenji (KOUTEI) x Kai Toshiki  

Ship but I'm not into the ship enough to be gung-ho about it

Narumi Asaka x Suzugamori Ren   Kai Toshiki x Suzugamori Ren  Tatsunagi Kourin x Sendou Aichi Souryuu Leon x Sendou Aichi  

Cardfight!! Vanguard G

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Shindou Chrono x Shouji Kazuma Ibuki Kouji x Anjou Mamoru   Kai Toshiki x Sendou Aichi Anjou Tokoha x Okazaki Kumi   Yumizuki Luna x Chouno Am  

Hardcore ship but I haven't seen much fan work, so no one knows lol

Okazaki Kumi x Shindou Chrono Yumizuki Luna x Shindou Chrono

Durarara!!  

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Celty Sturluson x Kishitani Shinra

Fruits Basket

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Honda Tohru x Sohma Kyo Honda Tohru x Sohma Yuki

Fullmetal Alchemist  

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Edward Elric x Winry Rockbell Roy Mustang x Riza Hawkeye

Hanasakeru Seishounen

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Kajika Burnsworth x Li Ren Fang Kajika Burnsworth x Mahati Sheik di Raginei

Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni

Hardcore ship but I haven't seen much fan work, so no one knows lol

Ryuugu Rena x Maebara Keichi  

Kimi ni Todoke

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Kuronuma Sawako x Kazehaya Shouta   Yoshida Chizuru x Sanada Ryuu

Natsume Yuujinchou

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Natsume Takashi x Tanuma Kaname

Ouran High School Host Club

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Fujioka Haruhi x Tamaki Suoh Fujioka Haruhi x Hitachiin Hikaru

Phi Brain

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Daimon Kaito x Rook Banjo Crossfield Daimon Kaito x Freecell Daimon Kaito x Raetsel   Himekawa Elena x Sakanoue Gammon   Chieno Tamaki x Jikugawa Souji   Doubt x Mizerka  

ReLIFE

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Hishiro Chizuru x Kaizaki Arata Kairiu Rena x Ooga Kazuomi  

Rurouni Kenshin

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Kamiya Kaoru x Himura Kenshin

Tanaka-kun wa Itsumo Kedaruge

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Tanaka x Ohta

Teen Titans

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Starfire x Robin Raven x Beast Boy Bumblebee x Cyborg Jinx x Kid Flash  

Umineko no Naku Koro Ni

Hardcore ship but I haven't seen much fan work, so no one knows lol

Ushiromiya Battler x Beatrice   Ushiromiya Jessica x Kanon Ushiromiya George x Shannon

Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it  

Yami Yugi/Atem x Yugi Muto Anzu Mazaki x Yugi Muto   Kujaku Mai x Jounouchi Katsuya Kisara x Priest Seto  

Hardcore ship but I haven't seen much fan work, so no one knows lol

Kujaku Mai x Seto Kaiba Kujaku Mai x Valon Rebecca Hawkins x Mokuba Kaiba Priestess Isis x Kalim   Priestess Isis x Mahado

Ship but I'm not into the ship enough to be gung-ho about it

Ishizu Ishtar x Kujaku Mai Seto Kaiba x Yami Yugi/Atem Anzu Mazaki x Yami Yugi/Atem  

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it  

Yuki Judai x Johan Andersen Yuki Judai x Yubel Tenjoin Asuka x Manjoume Jun

Hardcore ship but I haven't seen much fan work, so no one knows lol

Tenjoin Asuka x Marufuji Ryo Tenjoin Fubuki x Marufuji Ryo   Edo Phoenix x Marufuji Ryo Edo Phoenix x Echo  

Ship but I'm not into the ship enough to be gung-ho about it

Yuki Judai x Manjoume Jun Yuki Judai x Edo Phoenix Marufuji Ryo x Edo Phoenix

Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Yusei Fudo x Bruno/Antinomy Yusei Fudo x Kiryu Kyosuke Izayoi Aki x Crow Hogan Carly Nagisa x Jack Atlus   Crow Hogan x Jack Atlus Yusei Fudo x Jack Atlus  

Hardcore ship but I haven't seen much fan work, so no one knows lol

Jack Atlus x Kazama Souichi Crow Hogan x Brave Stephanie x Crow Hogan Stephanie x Jack Atlus Sagiri Mikage x Ushio Tetsu Sagiri Mikage x Jack Atlus Izayoi Aki x Sherry Leblanc Sherry Leblanc x Yusei Fudo   The Zetsubou Quartet (Aporia x Z-ONE x Antinomy x Paradox)   Aporia x Z-ONE Antinomy x Z-ONE  

Ship but I'm not into the ship enough to be gung-ho about it

Yusei Fudo x Crow Hogan

Yu-Gi-Oh! ZeXal

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Tsukumo Yuma x Astral Tsukumo Yuma x Kamishiro Ryoga (SHARK SON)

Hardcore ship but I haven't seen much fan work, so no one knows lol

Kamishiro Rio x Mizuki Kotori Kozuki Anna x Mizuki Kotori   Alito x Tsukumo Yuma   Droite x Gauche   Kamishiro Ryoga (SHARK SON) x Tenjo Kaito   Droite x Tenjo Kaito   Mihael Arclight (III) x Tsukumo Yuma Thomas Arclight (IV) x Kamishiro Ryoga (SHARK SON)  

Ship but I'm not into the ship enough to be gung-ho about it

Tsukumo Yuma x Shingetsu Rei   Mizuki Kotori x Tsukumo Yuma   Astral x Tenjo Kaito  

Yu-Gi-Oh! Arc V

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Sakaki Yuya x Hiiragi Yuzu Yugo x Rin Crow Hogan x Shinji Weber Kurosaki Ruri x Yuto

Hardcore ship but I haven't seen much fan work, so no one knows lol

Masumi Kotsu x Hiiragi Yuzu Crow Hogan x Jack Atlus Hiiragi Yuzu x Yugo Hiiragi Yuzu x Yuto Sakaki Yuya x Serena Sakaki Yuya x Dennis Macfield Sakaki Yuya x Michio Mokota Edo Phoenix x Kaito Tenjo Kurosaki Ruri x Dennis Macfield Kurosaki Ruri x Sasayama Sayaka  

Ship but I'm not into the ship enough to be gung-ho about it

Akaba Reiji x Sakaki Yuya Akaba Ray x Zarc   Kurosaki Shun x Yuto

Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Fujiki Yusaku (Playmaker) x Kogami Ryoken (Revolver)  

Hardcore ship but I haven't seen much fan work, so no one knows lol

Ema Bessho (Ghost Girl) x Akira Zaizen Queen x Ema Bessho (Ghost Girl) Aso (Faust) x Kyoko Taki (Baira)  

Yuri!!! On Ice

Definitely hardcore ship and will scream on the rooftops about it

Katsuki Yuri x Viktor Nikiforov  

Hardcore ship but I haven't seen much fan work, so no one knows lol

Mila Babicheva x Sara Crispino  

Ship but I'm not into the ship enough to be gung-ho about it

Otabek Altin x Yuri Plisetsky

[heretherebedork]

The soft, soft, soft way that he looks at the phone after finally talking to Asuka again? The tender glance? The little hint of a smile? Deceased. This what they can have and what they will have if they just keep talking.

I love Shu learning about himself and learn about Asuka and how much he is learning to accept and his own growth. His own self acceptance is growing and it's darling.

I love this acknowledgement that Asuka has loved Shu the whole time and that Shu is just starting to realize what that truly, really means. This isn't about a relationship where everything was unequal or anyone was being manipulative. This is about a relationship where one half really did have to discover new things about himself and the other half was trying to settle for less than he needed or wanted for the sake of having someone to love.

While they could have had a queerplatonic relationship that Asuka would have accepted and Shu would have remained comfortable in, their own changing emotions and closeness has changed that for both of them and it's just so fascinating to watch.

As someone who struggles with the idea of returning romantic feelings for someone (not that I can imagine someone feeling romantic feelings towards me in the first place) this is amazing. The expression of that fear? The knowledge that romance is a struggle for him and that he may never feel as strongly as Asuka but wants to try? The fact that he wants this romantic relationship but doesn't know if his feelings are as powerful as the person who loves him but he is still worthy of being loved and worth the effort of love? It's gorgeous.

I do love that Shin is also learning from Shu but that he supports Shu was well. Shin, who wants Minato to love him just as fiercely as he loves Minato, understands that Shu and Asuka's relationship is different but also that his relationship can look different than he expected.

This is about learning from each other and learning about love from every angle and every aspect and every person around you because love is never the same and love is important and love matters.

[heretherebedork]

This is where the disconnect is between them. Because Shun truly sees himself as showing love and care for Asuka by doing this. He is trying to encourage him to better himself, to be the best version of himself, and to live up to the ideal version of himself that he can be.

While Asuka is just trying his best. He's working hard, he's doing what he can, he's clinging to so many wishes. Asuka is doing his best and what he keeps running up against is that his best is never, ever enough for Shun. Nothing he does is enough or gets him what he wants, what he feels he needs, which is the romantic side of their relationship.

Ever watched two people say the exact opposite thing but meaning, in a lot of ways, the same thing? Shun wants to see Asuka do better and thinks that holding him to this lofty goal will bring him up to where he needs to be while Asuka is just desperately searching for any way to feel like he has his support and love.

This is what happens when two people who express their love very differently find themselves in a relationship with poor communication. Neither of them hears what the other person is saying because it's all filtered through their point of view.

Shun wants Asuka to be successful and to be do well. Asuka wants to feel loved and important to Shun. His needs from their relationship are very different than Shun's but neither of them are communicating with each other so these issues are just... stagnating. Shun has no idea what the issue is and Asuka is scared that any issue will leave him alone again.

I think the biggest problem here is that Asuka meant it while being loved and Shun doesn't show love in a way that makes Asuka feel loved when they're actually in a relationship.

Asuka is so desperate for affection or any hint that they're something and Shun sees all of it as something so basic and so obvious that he doesn't need to show any of it.

Shun is the opposite of Minato in this scenario. Minato feels it all and finds the expression to just be too much to handle while Shun feels at least something but finds it to be something that doesn't need to be expressed because Asuka said he didn't need it.

And while Shin pushes Minato constantly because he is determined to love him and to be loved in return, Asuka is terrified of losing Shun again and so can't ever really speak up for his needs. He also struggles to express his needs in a way that Shun understands while Shin is so clear that Minato never had any doubts.

Shun really does care. He is in this relationship as well. He tells Shin they're in a relationship. He knows that he's in a relationship. But how he prioritizes is so different from how Asuka does that it makes it hard for them to see their love reflected in the other person.

(Asuka is much more clear, of course, but Shun is there. Shun wants that date as well. He wants this relationship and he is showing Asuka in his own way... which just isn't meeting Asuka's needs. Oh, this pairing is so fascinating because what happens when two people with vastly different romantic needs try to form a relationship? I mean, in real life, it typically ends badly. And this is Japanese BL... but it's still BL. @absolutebl I can't decide how much I trust them with this side pairing.)

This entire exchange, from Asuka bemoaning his struggle with communication to snapping out of a frustration he knows has nothing to do with Shin to his regret afterwards is such a perfect illustration and exploration of how much Asuka is struggling in the situation he's trying to enjoy.

You can feel it.

He got what he wanted, right? He's next to Shun. He's at his side. But it's not what he imagined and it's not what he needs for as much as it is what he wants and that's just the scariest kind of thing, isn't it? To get what you want only to find out that what you need is different.

Asuka loves Shun. But he also needs love in return and Shun will either learn how to show that love or they will need to separate because Asuka might want to be at Shun's side but he needs more than he can give right now.

Asuka wants to be Shin. He wants to be smitten and in love and to have someone reluctant but just as loving across from him, someone who adores him in return and will give him the love and romance and affection that he desperately craves. But Shun has no idea he's even missing anything because this is his romance. This is his relationship.

Asuka... again, Asuka is struggling to communicate with Shun because what he needs to communicate isn't what he think it is and when he tries to communicate what he thinks he needs to communicate... what comes across is completely different because Shun is on a different wavelength than he is, has different expectations and wants and needs in this and doesn't know what he isn't doing.

I love Shun so much but, again, we are faced with the fact that his idea and understanding and approach to romance is not, at all, related to Asuka's.

One thing I truly find fascinating is that both Shun and Asuka are both actually very comfortable and forward about being in a relationship. There's no hesitation between them to say those words the way Minato scrambles away from any mention of the idea from Shin even in private.

They aren't grappling with the issue of being in a relationship, they're grappling with what that relationship looks like and what it means to them. The relationship isn't the question. It's what being in a relationship is that they have to fight to figure out.

Shin and Minato love each other and are in a relationship that Minato is struggling to be comfortable and open about because his love scares him.

Shun and Asuka are in a relationship but are struggling to figure out what that means at all and what their love even is and how it's shaped.

Shun gives Asuka the tiniest hint of love and Asuka absolutely loses everything he's ever had. The smallest touch, the little bit of eye contact and he loses his shit entirely because he is so used to nothing.

And Shun looks at that and instead of seeing how smitten Asuka is... he sees himself as getting in the way of Asuka's studying. He seems himself as, rather than the positive figure out love, as someone who is preventing Asuka from being the best he can be and the best he wants him to be.

That's the biggest part of this disconnect. Shun wants Asuka to be his best and he is trying to show him love by encouraging him (it's a different kind of love but it is love, I don't doubt that) while Asuka just wants to be with Shun as he keeps trying to tell him.

And this. This moment is so heartbreaking. We see Shin and Minato on their date, dressed up and fitting in and part of the world and then Asuka. Asuka, standing out in different clothing, in a different style, no part of the festival and no part of the romance. He is completely out of the world of love right now. He has found himself isolated and alone and hurting and watching his friend who comes to him with his relationship issues enjoy the date that he worked so hard for but didn't quite reach.

I am actually super excited for next week because by the end of this episode we know that Shun is definitely jealous and that he's hurt and that he does view this relationship as something more serious than he shows to Asuka in his way of showing love.

Asuka is obviously helping a friend and likely just assumed that Shun would never know or, that if he did know, he wouldn't care. After all, didn't they start from a fake relationship that Shun said didn't matter? Why would he change his mind?

But the truth is that they are in a relationship and they do love each other and that is what needs to happen now and needs to be figured out and what they need to communicate each other.

Shun saying he never thought he'd have this kind of feeling is important because this is about Shun and Minato growing into the relationships that Shin and Asuka want and need from them. It's about catching up to the person you love and realizing that, yes, you do need to grow and change with love.

Love is a verb. Love is doing and growing and that matters.

[heretherebedork]

The lollipop.

Something shared from childhood, a comfort, a symbol of care and curiosity and something new and a history shared together that has always been a struggle for them to understand because each man makes such different assumptions.

Shu gave a lollipop to an upset boy to comfort him and now Asuka still looks at lollipops and thinks of Shu and Shu still carries one in his pocket.

The sweetness that once offered comfort now represents love. Love that Asuka embraces and that Shu carries quietly and that they can now learn to share more equally.

[heretherebedork]

I love starting with this shot. Through a fishtank, watching them as they can't even look at each other, watching Asuka stare at Shu who stares at the fish and knowing that they share love and share a want for more and wondering if they can manage to finally say the words they share or if they're still trapped in their own fears and their own minds.

I do appreciate that Asuka speaks first because we know how much he's been hurting and how confused he is by everything going on. And he asks before Shu has even turned to look at him, he asks staring at the back of his head and desperate. They're both desperate but they both struggle so much expressing themselves.

Finally

Communication has finally opened! Thank you, Shu. Thank you. He finally says what he saw and he listens after. I really do love that the doubt is easily dispelled.

I love this tiny confused boy so much y'all. Asuka went out of his way to help a friend and never thought that helping her would be the thing that ended up hurting him. And yet here we are, here we are and he is aching.

And this is why I love Shu so much as well. Shu wants the explanation. He wants to know. He wants to understand. He's afraid of understanding, yes, but he needs to know.

I also love how he just can't sit still. But this is also about how Shu and Asuka need each other to work on their communication. They struggle alone but, together, they can do this.

(We know the explanation and we know it makes perfect sense and we know it's true but Asuka didn't know the problem and Shu didn't know what was happening and this finally opened up space between them that has been empty for a long time.)

Asuka has never even contemplated that idea that Shu could really, actually love him. He's never considered that an option. The idea of Shu being jealous never crossed his mind. Why would it? Shu has never expressed love in a way that Asuka would recognize. He's always the one to push that Asuka said he would be happy at his side, to pull away from affection, to push their own space and that Asuka needs to earn any chance to even just do something with him.

Asuka had accepted this queerplatonic relationship as a replacement for the romantic one he desired and he is suddenly faced with the idea that maybe, maybe, he could have what he's always wanted.

Shu, darling, we all love you and we understand but Asuka has loved you for a very, very long time.

Asuka so excited by the idea that Shu was actually thinking about him, actually jealous of anything, that he forgets to explain what he was doing in his eagerness to chase down Shu and get an answer is just... perfect.

Asuka acts without thinking. He leaps in, feet first, and he acts the moment he can and when he can and when he gets excited nothing else matters. He is the embodiment of puppy energy.

Shu, finding out the truth: Oh, I was worried about that? What was I worried about again?

Everyone but Shu knew this. Literally. Every single person knew this. And, honestly, Asuka has confessed to Shu several times but it's understandable because Shu experiencing jealousy for the first time and realizing his own love for Asuka absolutely blindsided him. It took him out entirely and left him mostly unthinking.

But this is also just the sweetest little confession. I love how earnest Asuka is and how much he cares about Shu and how much love he just wants to pour into him given a chance. Asuka wants to love Shu even without love in return and to be able to love him with a chance at something in return? More than he ever dreamed.

I really, really love that Shu believes Asuka. I love that this miscommunication is easily solved and that all it takes is a question and the truth and there's no fight or disbelieve. It's as simple as telling the truth and being understood.

Shu is so unused to the idea of loving someone, of the concept itself, and yet here he is. Falling in love. And realizing that what Asuka feels for him makes him happy. And Asuka just melts for him.

A hug! An actual hug! Oh, it's good. Shu might ask him to stop but he also stops trying to push him away quickly enough. I love that for them. They're discovering what it means to love each other and what it means to share love with each other. This is their journey. It isn't about coming out or about exploring the societal pressures. It's about coming to terms with changing your own views of love and what it means to you and what it means in a relationship and discovering what love is.

Asuka has loved Shu for a long time but Shu is just discovering that he can love romantically and that's what their relationship is about. It's about changing and discovering that you can change and realizing that love can mean many different things but also realizing how important it is to share when you discover it.

[heretherebedork]

The very first thing Asuka talks about is being alone and not wanting to be. But because he's dating Shun, who is so quick to be alone but also so quick to dismiss actual emotions or emotional labels over the idea of logic... he's rather obviously often alone.

And then we get this very sweet moment in the past when you see how much Shun does and can support Asuka and give him the bravery and energy and willingness to follow his dreams even when he doesn't even consider his dreams to be anything he could try. They do balance each other out well, in their ways, but that communication breaks down so easily. We know that from their original story in the first show.

They need to be open with each other and very clear... but it's hard when you're practically speaking different languages.

Right here. He tells Asuka he's wrong, takes his notebook and fixes his approach to the problem. Not the solution, not the answer, but very specifically how he approached the problem in the first place. And, yes, that does matter! But it also comes into play in their relationship. Asuka is constantly putting himself second to just 'how Shun-kun is' without any question or choice and everyone around him knows it just as well as he does.

Asuka is trying so hard to accept that a relationship he wants to be made out of love is made out of a different kind of love than he expected. He love Shun, he truly does, but all he gets back is something different. Not the same words, even if it is the same idea.

And for all that he might have been prepared for that, he wasn't prepared for the wondering, the waiting, the way he might never know if he is loved.

The fake dating that Asuka didn't know was fake obviously had more affection and physical contact than actually dating Shun has and Asuka is feeling it. You can tell. You can watch him go from joking about in this scene, teasing and affection of Minato, to much more serious about it in later scenes just in this episode.

The saddest little cake eating. Oh, Asuka. He wants to love and be loved and he wants to do that with Shun but Shun is built different and Asuka isn't getting what he wants or needs from him because their communication just isn't working.

[heretherebedork]

Asuka has so many shots this episode in the dark, outside, in places where he's alone and where no one else sees him or would or cares and the illustrations of how alone he is, how much he's struggling by himself without anyone to turn to about his relationship... He can't talk to Shin, Shin just dismisses him. He can't talk to Minato, Minato doesn't give advice. He can't talk to his family, he's not out to them. He can't talk to Shu, Shu isn't talking. So all he has is himself and the darkness and the silence and fear that is filling him up.

Asuka asks to talk (but we're never looking at him when he does, only at Shu, only at Shu who keeps on saying no no no no) and he just desperately wants to communicate but he can't press the way Shin can with Minato, he can't just not give up because Shu isn't like that, because Shu can and will simply push him away and Asuka isn't brave enough to push knowing what he thinks might happen.

Shu getting injured is enough to Asuka to break the barrier between them, to cross the doorway, but he's instantly rebuked and stops again. Asuka simply cannot press hard enough nor should he. Shu is not at the point yet where he could understand or react properly to Asuka's pain and loneliness even in their relationship. He's still figuring out that he even has feelings. And Asuka doesn't know that but he knows that he simply cannot push the way Shin does.

Watching Asuka's heart break in real time is so painful. Up until now, he'd at least been trying to pretend their relationship was okay and that Shu cared about him in return. But this moment is nothing but doubt. He's suddenly unsure and he was never exactly secure so this only makes it worse. He's staring at Shu with pain in his eyes and all that love that he's been trying to keep alive and trying to be happy with what he can get and suddenly there's nothing.

The worst part is knowing why this happened and understanding exactly what Shu is going through and what he's starting to realize and what he's thinking but also knowing that Asuka knows nothing and is just hurt and lost and lonely and aching and so, so afraid.

Asuka has loved Shu for years. He agreed to date him believing that Shu could not love him but would at least try to be in a relationship. He agreed to just try being together and he's been falling apart ever since because that relationship simply isn't enough to fulfill him, especially with their poor communication.

I love that they're falling apart in such a similar but dissimilar way to Shin and Minato. Shin and Minato both love each other and know that but are insecure in their own ways and struggling with coming out and own their affection and being public and all of that. While Asuka and Shu are struggling with the internals of their relationship, with what love looks like and feels like for them and how to talk about anything with each other.

Ongoingly, that is why I love Shin and Shu's friendship. They're so different and their friendship really is powerful.

My entire heart for this moment. Asuka's shock that Shu says he doesn't dislike talking to him? That's some of the most direct affection and positive reaction to their interaction that Shu gives him. Asuka is instantly so happy and disbelieving and Shu doesn't see or understand how desperate he is because he's still thinking about seeing Asuka tell someone that a girl was his girlfriend. He also has no idea how desperate Asuka is for this affection because neither of them can communicate and because he's just starting to realize how he feels for the man he agreed to date.

Asuka is so desperate for anything because he's trying to cling to the idea that just being at his side will be enough as he realizes it isn't and Shu is uncomfortable because he's learning new things about himself each and every day.

Asuka reaches out and Shu panics because he doesn't understand what he feels. But Asuka knows what he's feeling and it's heartbreak.

I mean, can you imagine having your boyfriend say that to you?

Now, again, we know that Shu thinks Asuka is cheating on him and saw him when he was helping a friend. We know that Shu is starting to realize that he loves Asuka a whole lot more than he thought and that he's hurt and unsure about their status. We know what Asuka doesn't know any of that and only sees his relationships falling apart with nothing happening. We know that Asuka was only helping protect a friend when he said they were going out. We know that what's happening here is a complete failure of communication. They don't. How would they know? They're the failure to communicate.

Asuka doesn't push. He sees that Shu is uncomfortable and looking away from him and he steps away. He can't push this issue. He's too afraid of losing what little he has, the tiny things he's managed to piece together, that he cannot risk losing anything bigger by asking for what he truly needs in this relationships.

It's a fatal flaw to what they have now and why they need to change. Why they need to grow. Why all this pain has to happen. Because when people are afraid to ask for what they need in a relationship, that relationship is doomed.

Asuka and Shu need to rebuild their relationship from the ground up, from the love up and that is why Shu needs to realize he loves Aauka and Asuka needs to learn how to express his needs.

And he says that while he's trapped in the open doorway, back on the other side of everything, getting nothing from Shu but his back and his silence and suddenly he's on the outside and he can't even look because what he wants to see has turned away and left him alone. He begs to talk on Line and gets nothing. Shu doesn't turn back to us or to him again. He is closing himself off because what's happening scares him so much and he doesn't have any idea what to do or say or think. He doesn't turn around until he's sure Asuka is gone.

He turns around only when Asuka is entirely gone but he stares at him with that same heartbroken look Asuka was giving him. They're both shattering their hearts on each other because they just can't communicate. Neither one knows what to say so they don't say anything at all.

Asuka is trying to cling to the idea that loving Shu without being loved in return is enough and Shu is just barely starting to realize that what he feels for Asuka is more than he ever imagined he would feel.

And we're back to where we started. Back to Asuka outside and in the dark and alone and aching and clinging to a relationship that isn't giving him anything he needs. But he doesn't know how to let go and he doesn't want to let go, no matter how much he is being hurt.

The ache of it all just overwhelms me. I'm very glad that we see (in a scene I will analyze in a different post) that Shu really didn't realize he was in love with Asuka and is just starting to realize how he feels. Because if he'd know that for longer... it would be a lot worse, honestly.

[heretherebedork]

In which a lollipop represents love. Asuka is already enjoying his lollipop but he's also heading off on his own, feeling better but still hurting and wanting to give them the chance to be by themselves together instead. Asuka knows he's in love and he's known for a long time. He unwrapped his own feelings, he's accepted his own feelings even if they aren't returned, even if this is all he ever has.

Shu doesn't unwrap the lollipop. He doesn't taste it, he doesn't accept it. He holds it and he wraps it up in his hands and he stares. He is still afraid of what this means, of what loving Asuka means to him. Shu is afraid of love and so his love is still wrapped up and held, unopened.. He's examining the container but not the contents.

(But it's also the only connection they have in this episodes. This single lollipop that one is eating as he leaves two people to their love story and one wrapped up lollipop held tightly in pain and worry.)

[heretherebedork]

Looking through all my screenshots to talk about the lollipop connection, I was struck by this.

Shu holds Asuka's hand the same way he holds the lollipop.

Even before he realized he loved Asuka, even before he discovered his own jealousy, he already held Asuka as something, as someone, precious.

Shu's love is different and he feels it differently and he expresses is differently but he loves Asuka and he has long loved Asuka, in his way.

Now they have begun their exploration of their unique relationship, their own love, the way that they love each other and will be loved by each other.

As sweet as a lollipop and as sweet as a moment of kindness and as sweet as wanting to see each other smile.

[heretherebedork]

I am still thinking about Shu and Asuka and doorways.

They are so trapped y'all.

Asuka is trapped in a relationship where he isn't getting what he needs, neither the attention not the affection, but he can't bear the idea of losing this relationship either. And Shu is just coming to the realization that he is actually in love with Asuka and he is trapped in his own lack of knowledge and pain that he doesn't understand.

They are seeking, looking for something, and Shu finds the explanation with Shin but Asuka finds nothing.

Both Asuka and Shu are constantly looking when the other person isn't, trying to catch a glimpse of something. Asuka searching for a sign that this relationship can be what he needs and Shu trying to determine what's going on.

The problem is communication. Neither of them talks about what's bothering them. For all that Shu is so often straightforward about his intentions, when it comes to actual emotions he expresses nothing and gives nothing because he often doesn't even seem to realize he's feeling them himself. And Asuka is so scared of losing Shu, of pushing him too hard, that he cannot take any risks.

They are both clinging to this in different ways, one from the belief that words are more important and one out of desperation to not lose what he finally found.

(I was thinking of @respectthepetty when I saw this and realized they both have a single black line across their chest/shoulder when they say this because it's not true to their heart. On opposite sides because it's for opposite reasons but it's still the same sentiment in the end. Shu might not know he's in love and Asuka might be determined to make himself happy with whatever he as but it's the same result of their heart having a black line breaking it or cutting it off.)

And then it's Asuka outside. Asuka framed between tress and in a closed doorway and always outside, without shelter, without protection, lost and hurt and confused. He is not Shin, to be forward without fear. He is not Minato to truly be willing to push away his wants and dreams for the future that the world expects for him. He is only himself, a young man struggling with loving someone who struggles to express himself and determined to make a relationship work without ever asking for what he needs because he's so sure he's supposed to be happy with what he has, isn't he?

He breaks my heart.

[heretherebedork]

Mmmm, Shu in the doorway as he finally approaches his own feelings through Shin who has never shied away from love or standing up for his relationship.

This contrasting with the way that Minato has separated them due to Shin's jealousy and want to be out about their relationship is very interesting because Shin has never doubted his love while Shu is just starting to realize that he might feel something more for Asuka.

We're making the transition from a queerplatonic relationship that was not fulfilling what Asuka needed but was what Shu thought he wanted into a romantic relationship that they both want as this love is realized.

I am not implying or saying that a queerplatonic relationship is less than romance. By no means. But It is different and these characters trying to face their differences and to face what's changed and what's different and what it means is truly interesting.

Because Asuka has always approached this as a romantic relationship but tried to temper his own love with the knowledge that Shu simply didn't feel that way... while Shu has just been coasting along on Asuka's affection and love because it fulfilled what he needed from their relationship... until it didn't because he saw Asuka supposedly cheating and started to realize that he wanted more.

... This doorway just means a lot to me, okay? Shu is taking the first steps into a change in his identity, realizing he's in love and what that means for him and for his relationship and how it affects him and it's beautiful. Because he is the student to Shin's expertise. We see him through the same doorway, sitting at a desk, Shin in a position of authority.

Again and again we see Shu not using his words because he doesn't know what to say or how to say it or assumes that people will understand him without his spoken participation. Shu always makes the very base assumption that people know what he needs and what he means without having to actually say it.

That's part of why his relationship with Asuka is under so much stress. He only says about half of what he needs to express his feelings and affection and he says even less sometimes because he doesn't know what he's feeling himself.

Third time for this exact trope of someone thinking that the physical manifestation of love is a physical malady with their heart. I love them all.

But also this just explains so much. Even when Shu was showing Asuka affection, it wasn't from a place of romantic love. At least not yet. He hadn't realized that what he felt was love, that he felt more than he'd thought.

Shu came into this expecting a queerplatonic non-romantic relationship on his part and to simply be who he could be to Asuka and assumed that Asuka loving him was just... enough. And now he's realizing that he fell in love and he think that Asuka might have fallen out of love because he thinks he was cheating on him.

My beloved this absolute emotional idiot. I love Shu so much because he doesn't recognize his own emotions. He has no idea and no connection to the idea that he loves Asuka and that's why his heart hurts. He really doesn't know. This is entirely foreign to him.

Shin is so done with everyone else's relationship. His struggles in his own have left him with just nothing. He's so frustrated with these older men who don't seem to know their own feelings.

We need so many more straightforward boys like Shin, y'all.

Oh, Shin, we all love you. The most audacious boy to ever BL. The best beansprout. The boy who loved and loved and loved and never stopped for anything.

Shin getting to express his frustration with the way his relationship with Minato is good here. It's important to know that he loves Minato but he's also hurt by the way Minato acts and treats him sometimes, that for all his love doesn't end he isn't always happy about it. It's just nice how many people Shin has to talk to about his feelings.

Unlike Minato and Asuka.

(That is a whole thing I could talk about, how Shu and Shin both have other people to confide in and manage to communicate with each other while Asuka and Minato tend to end up very trapped in their own heads. They can't even give each other advice because they're caught in their own thoughts. Asuka does have Shin to have some extent but their communication is also rough.)

Shu literally getting smacked with the realization that he loves Asuka. That he absolutely, fully, completely loves him. You know. His boyfriend.

Well, again, I think Shu considered them to be queerplatonic and to realize that you're feeling romantic love when you never considered yourself capable of romantic love is a terrifying concept. To be faced with feelings you never thought you'd have and for someone that you think might have stopped feeling that for you... terrifying.

Shin continues to be a genius and Shu's realization takes a lot for him. I mean, it is in fact huge. I can't be upset with him.

But also I think that this explains a lot of why people struggle with their relationship. @italianpersonwithashippersheart's has left all the best comments in my tags about their struggles with their pairing and I get it (also, omfg, those tags make my day EVERY TIME just FYI). And I think this is a huge component of it. Realizing that Shu didn't know he loved Asuka has colored all his actions in this entire show so far. Shu has genuinely been acting on affection and care but not on romantic love. Because he didn't recognize it as a feeling and because he doesn't even know what it means.

It's a struggle because there is a difference between how you care for someone and how you stay in a relationship with someone when you care for them versus when you romantically love them.

This is also about Shu coming to the realization of what's been happening in their relationship. Of what their relationship is and what it means to him.

This is the perfect halfway mark for the series because the rest has to be about settling with the cheating and the communication and what romantic love means to both of them. We know Asuka has been feeling neglected and lonely in this relationship and now it's Shu's turn to try to act on what he's feeling.

May Shin's direct communication be a blessing to these two. Because Shu and Asuka need to actually talk at some point. Desperately. They need communication. But Asuka is afraid of losing Shu and Shu didn't realize what he felt until it was threatened.

I am already dying for next. Absolutely lost. Absolutely gone. Asuka is so terrified of losing Shu that he can't do anything or act on anything or speak up because he's terrified of losing even the tiniest hints of what he has. And what is Shu going to do? Who's he going to talk to!? I doubt it's Asuka, honestly. But I cannot wait. I love this show so much, y'all.

(Also, the chup chup has been a Thai joke about kissing so many times that I'm a bit surprised to see it in Japan but I love it.)

[heretherebedork]

Just two boys constantly being boxed into their spaces by their own inability to communicate with each other. Shun sits directly in a doorway while Asuka is entire inside but framed in the doorway. They're never together this episode.

Actually, it's very interesting to me that Asuka is much more boxed in than Shu is. Asuka is always between lines. No matter who he's with, no matter what he's doing, he's trapped in a box of lines. Shu is often close to the lines but he isn't always as thoroughly boxed in, parts of him are often outside of the lines drawn around him or the lines are only on one side.

Asuka is in this relationship because he loves Shu and cannot imagine anything else but while Shu is doing his best in this relationship it simply isn't the same for him. It's starting to be, he's finding himself more and more in these boxes as he realizes the full extent of his feelings and his hurt, but he doesn't know himself or his feelings well enough to understand how boxed in he is all the time.

Heck, even in the other episodes there is always a line between them if they're inside and alone together.

But also I want to extend this metaphor to the way Shu holds the phone with Asuka's name on it when he decides not to answer.

The phone itself is a box and his hands are more lines. Asuka is pushed into a box as he tries to love Shu on Shu's terms and it is hurting both of them that they are not freer to express themselves and are struggling so much to communicate.

And if I go even further and push the boundaries of my sanity, knowledge and ability to be wrong... but I want to point out the lines that his black backpack leave on him are very much trapping him as well. This is me overreaching, fyi. I am sure many people could explain how that is overreaching on the idea. But I just want to see it so I do. @respectthepetty could explain why I'm wrong and that would be okay.

But I just see how trapped Asuka is. He loves Shu so much but neither of them is good with words and neither of them can express themselves honestly in a way they understand. The more hurt Shu is, the more he's starting to be trapped the same way Asuka is because Asuka is already hurt and lonely despite being in this relationship. They are not meeting each other's needs but they don't even know it because they're not communicating.

They're trapped in boxes. Between lines. In places that they cannot be together.

Neither of them is Shin to break those lines and half the time they might know the line is there but they see no way or no need to change it.

Both Shu and Asuka need to grow and to change and to find out how to love each other rather than how they want to be loved.

(One of them needs to be Shin because he is always the one who can cross lines)

[heretherebedork]

Asuka in a doorway but it's not with Shu and so he can open the door, he can let himself in, he can pout and push and go over the top because both Minato and Shin are safe for him. He knows he can't push them away and lose them. So he opens the door, the steps in, he stares at them. He is hurting but he is still freer with them than he ever can be with Shu.

He breaks the line, enters their space, without hesitation. And he wants to be able to do that with Shu, we've seen that again and again, that he wants to be able to share his space and his love... but he is so afraid of losing Shu that he never does.

Asuka's hurt versus the shock of both Shin and Minato is perfect. Because he was comic a moment ago and now he's shrunk so throughly that it's almost shocking. Because that's how much he hurts.

(Also because Shin knows that Shu is talking about loving Asuka and has asked him advice about that in his relationships. Shin knows that Shu loves Asuka and has just started to realize those feelings so of course he's even more confused. How could Shu recognize those feelings and leave Asuka feeling like this? That is entirely foreign to Shin.)

This is why I love Asuka so much. He can go from being the saddest most serious young man to over the top insistence because that's just how he tries to cope. He hates being serious. He runs to Minato and Shin and he makes a big show but the quietness, the pain, the seriousness, seeps in more and more. He's so much smaller when he's letting himself hurt.

Insert more about how Asuka pushes them apart and steps into their space and changes everything going on between them but also how much he can do that with them while he can't even begin to get closer to Shu or push him for answers or affection.

More doorways! But this time he isn't alone. This time, Shin and Minato are there with Asuka. He's being listened to, he's being believed, he's getting to actually communicate his fears.

(I really want to point out that Shin and Asuka are on the same side of the table and that the table is between Shin and Minato. Shin and Asuka are the young one struggling with uncommunicative and insecure and unsure older partners while Minato represents the relationship Asuka wishes he had with Shu but is still struggling with what Shin wants and needs.)

But also, Asuka is just struggling so much and he doesn't have anyone else to turn to. Minato is his most trusted adult.

And this just hurts. Because Asuka has been trying to feel lucky for so long. He's been trying not to worry. He's been trying to be happy with what Shu can give hum. But he's aching. He's lonelier in this relationship than he ever was outside of it and yet all he hears if that he should be happy that Shu will even look at him, would even take this chance. Minato says to feel special but all Asuka feels is alone.

This is alone emblematic about how Minato thinks in relationship, honestly, and it's fascinating. The value in the relationship being about someone taking a chance on you rather than communication and making your partner feel wanted and loved... this is something Minato is constantly overcoming but automatically leans back into it when giving advice.

(Also, Asuka is so tiny when Minato tells him he should feel special. Tiny and tired.)

And he doesn't know why. Asuka has no idea what's going on or why and he's just... hurting. He's hurting and aching and he's trying to talk about it but he can't tell the person who's hurting him not just because he's being ignored but also because he's constantly afraid to tell Shu anything that might push him away. And now he doesn't know what he's done and it's still happening.

Teeny tiny boy not getting any useful advice from anyone, honestly. He's trying so hard but there's no one around him who can help because they've got their own issues.

Again and again, we get more of these quiet moments where Asuka admits that he's struggling without also going over the top... but struggles so much and a moment later he's up and big and taking up space and quick to fight because what else is he supposed? This is hard, this hurts, he doesn't want to hurt.

Absolutely emotionally destroyed for both of them and how they could really, really use each other as a good friend but neither of them knows how to communicate with each other. At least Shin is better at communicating with Minato than Asuka is with Shu but the both of them have so much in common and could so easily be supporting each other instead of fighting.

(But also more about how a relationship looks on the outside versus how it feels on the inside and how Minato and Shin's relationship is, despite their issues, a lot healthier and more open than Asuka and Shu's is.)

Ongoingly, tiny sad Asuka is hurting me but also just about my favorite boy. He's struggling and so he studies because he can't sleep. And having Shin see him like this? See him struggling and quiet and small and that's when Shin helps him, when Shin stays with him.

This boy. I am really, really starting to wonder what's going to happen when they talk. Because Asuka is absolutely desperate and so hurt and he's trying so hard all the time. Asuka really has been putting all the effort into their relationship up until this point and now he's suddenly trapped on the outside with no idea what he did and no idea how to change it.

This is why I'm worried about their talk. Because Shu is going to have to both talk and listen and they've both struggled with that so much. Will Shu genuinely believe Asuka? Will Asuka find the words that make sense? Will Shu actually be straightforward? Will they figure out what's going on?

I had to end on this because it's so sweet and it shows that none of them are alone and none of them will let someone be alone. For all that Shin is frustrated with Asuka on a regular basis... he saw him in and pain and he stayed with him, he studied with him, until they both fell asleep.

No one is alone. No needs to be alone. Being together is better than being alone.

[heretherebedork]

We start this scene with Shu saying he doesn't drink and Takayuki checking in on him to make sure he's comfortable in this restaurant and we a quick confirmation and then... this. Oh, Shu. Shu is my darling because he is absolutely neurodivergant and everyone knows and accommodates him easily enough because that's what good people do and we love that for him and them, okay?

Anyway, it's time for some backstory and to help Shu realize that he does need to talk to his boyfriend about the relationship boundaries they've set and what they mean.

This is fascinating. Not just because of how confused Takayuki is (oh, this man is lost) but also because this is about how Shu has been interpreting their relationship. When Asuka said that all he needed and wanted was Shu at his side, Shu took him not just at his word and literally but also lowered his own expectations entirely and stopped thinking about Asuka's own love confession.

Shu has trapped himself in the words that Asuka spoke out of desperation and refuses to let himself go. He locked himself in tight and now that he sees himself wanting more, he's afraid that Asuka meant what he said and will not want more despite how obvious (to everyone else) Asuka is about wanting more from him.

This is a deepseated misunderstanding of their relationship that stems from both of their inability to communicate. Asuka's fear of losing Shu has left Shu thinking he wants nothing more and Shu's inability to express himself clearly and struggle with affection have left Asuka scared and lonely in their relationship. Now they just need to start talking.

I find this fascinating because Shu was the last one who enforced the boundary of just being by his side while Asuka begged for a date. But it's just more proof about how he thinks. Shu remembers Asuka saying that and now that's all he can use to define their relationship despite Asuka begging for more. And seeing Asuka with a girl is enough to show him he loves him but not enough for him to rethink what Asuka might have meant by that after his love confession.

I love Shu, I do, but the honest answer is that he needs a lot more communication in this relationship. Both of them do. Even if he can never express his love the same way or as openly as Asuka, he still needs to at least make sure they're on the same page occasionally.

They both do, Asuka isn't innocent of this. His fear of losing Shu has left him suffering and lonely despite his love and he can't communicate because he's constantly afraid that any move he makes will shatter the illusion he has of them going on.

(I really hope they can find their way to that, at least, to a place where they can talk and even if they don't express things the same way they can be themselves together and meet both their needs.)

The sucker has done a lot of work for their relationship. So much work for them. It represents their love and their past and their connection and their care but it also has the powerful reminder that Shu can take care of Asuka and love him and make him smile no matter how insecure or unsure he is. The sucker, that sweet little candy, is a symbol of them. Them through their lives, them through their relationship, their love and how it's changed and evolved but stayed so sweet.

Everyone knows the word for that feeling better than Shu does but he's learning. He's listening. He's doing his best and that matters so, so much in this.

And all of this finally leads to him actually talking to Asuka.

That's the biggest difference between these two couples. Shu has to initiate everything for them because Asuka would rather cling to the concept of what they have and the chance for more than possibly drive Shu away in an effort to get more. He's so scared. But who would think Asuka was scared? So Shu is the one who always has to take the lead but he's also the one most likely to cling to the patterns they've already woven.

So this conversation was very important, for someone outside of their relationship to show Shu that he needed more and that he could reach for more.

I'm so happy for them.