#aubrey gordon

[beautifully-big-magazine]

“The fear of being fat is the fear of joining an underclass that you have so readily dismissed, looked down on, looked past, or found yourself grateful not to be a part of. It is a fear of being seen as slothful, gluttonous, greedy, unambitious, unwanted, and, worst of all, unlovable. Fat has largely been weaponized by straight-size people — the very people it seems to hurt most deeply. And ultimately, thin people are terrified of being treated the way they have so often seen fat people treated or even the way they’ve treated fat people themselves. In that way, thinness isn’t just a matter of health or beauty or happiness. It is a cultural structure of power and dominance.”

— Aubrey Gordon

[growmydarling]

[gatheringbones]

[“Ultimately, anti-fatness isn’t based in science or health, concern or choice. Anti-fatness is a way for thinner people to remind themselves of their perceived virtue. Seeing a fatter person allows them to remind themselves that at least I’m not that fat. They believe that they have chosen their body, so seeing a fat person eat something they deem unhealthy reminds them of their stronger willpower, greater tenacity, and superior character. We don’t just look different, the thinking goes; we are different. Thinner people outwit their bodies. Fatter people succumb to them. Encounters with fatter people offer a welcome opportunity to retell that narrative and remind themselves of their superiority.

Over time, I have come to learn that these moments—the threats, the concern, the constant well-intentioned bullying—run even deeper than a simple assumption of superiority. It is a reminder so many thin people seem to desperately need. They don’t seem to be talking to me at all. They seem to be talking to themselves.

Thin people don’t need me to know about a diet or a surgeon. They don’t need me to hear them expound on the evils of the obesity epidemic or the war on obesity. They need to remind themselves to stay vigilant and virtuous. The ways that thin people talk to fat people are, in a heartless kind of way, self-soothing. They are warnings to themselves from themselves. I am the future they are terrified of becoming, so they speak to me as the ghost of fatness future. They remove food from my cart as if it is their own. They offer diet advice forcefully, insisting that I take it. If I say that I have, they insist I must have done it wrong, must not have been vigilant enough, must not have had enough willpower. They beat me up the way most of us only talk to ourselves. As if in a trance, they plead with me, some terrifying future self.

Sometimes, the trance breaks. Maybe it breaks because they realize, with great discomfort, that they have made extraordinary judgments, issued intrusive mandates like some petulant prince. Maybe it breaks because a fat person asks them to stop. But whatever breaks the trance, the thinner person seems to return to themself, recognizing that they may have overstepped. And without fail, they will offer the same rote caveat, a hasty waiver, unsigned, disclaiming any injury caused: I’m just concerned for your health. And just like that, all that judgment, all those assumptions, all that cruelty suddenly becomes a humanitarian mission.”]

aubrey gordon, what we don’t talk about when we talk about fat

[momentsinreading]

“The fear of being fat is the fear of joining an underclass that you have so readily dismissed, looked down on, looked past, or found yourself grateful not to be a part of. It is a fear of being seen as slothful, gluttonous, greedy, unambitious, unwanted, and, worst of all, unlovable. Fat has largely been weaponized by straight-size people — the very people it seems to hurt most deeply. And ultimately, thin people are terrified of being treated the way they have so often seen fat people treated or even the way they’ve treated fat people themselves. In that way, thinness isn’t just a matter of health or beauty or happiness. It is a cultural structure of power and dominance.” - Aubrey Gordon

[newsmutproject]

There's no question that fat sexuality can be riddled with power imbalances and predatory behavior. But why is a healthy, natural attraction to fat bodies so difficult for us collectively to believe? Why do we so readily accept that thin bodies are universally desirable and lovable, while so certainly rejecting the same prospect for fat bodies? Is there room to love the look of fat bodies without dropping into the sinister territory implied by a fat fetish? Can fat bodies be desired without becoming pathological?

-Aubrey Gordon, What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat

[whilereadingandwalking]

What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat by Aubrey Gordon is a must-read. For everyone. It reframes our conversations about weight stigma, fatness, and the lies we've been told about weight.

Fat people's very existence is seen as damaging. Our fatness is on us, and so it's not society's problem when we are harassed, uncomfortable, insulted. This is despite scientific evidence that people are not in control of their body weight, that diets do not work and can actually damage metabolism permanently, and that the fight against childhood obesity does little except increase weight stigma. In this book, Gordon unpacks the myths, how they set up a hierarchy of bodies, and how these things might be able to change with concerted effort by both fat and "straight-size" people.

I have so much to say about this brilliantly written book, but mostly, I just feel less alone after reading this book. I am "small/mid-fat," still able to find my size at least in some stores, experiencing discomfort and prejudice but not outright barred from access or subjected to straight abuse. I experience a small thrill every time my blood pressure is perfect, because 9 out of 10 nurses give me a look of surprise when it is. I have been told that "it wouldn't hurt to eat better and exercise often" about a sinus infection. I have had flight attendants argue with me when I tell them I need a seatbelt extender because they find it hard to believe I'm "that big." I have been crammed into dresses that are too small for me and reassured that I am not "big enough to need an 18," even as I insist that's my size. I have watched loved ones laugh at fat suit jokes or movies where the joke is that a fat person thinks she's deserving of desire. And I'm a size 18–20. I have only scratched the surface of what fat people face.

This book is full of things that I didn't know about the depth and complexity and realities of weight stigma in this country. It made me feel furious, validated, and seen. I think everyone should read this book and hope Gordon's work helps us progress forward in the fight for true body justice.

Content warnings for weight stigma, sexual assault/harassment.

[mumblingsage]

One 2015 study found that just seeing fat men more regularly increased attraction toward them in women who date men. The politics of desirability are shaped by who we are allowed to see as desirable, which is in turn shaped by who we are allowed to see.

-from "You Just Need to Lose Weight" and 19 Other Myths about Fat Peopleby Aubrey Gordon

[aquotecollection]

I don’t really want to hear everything you’re doing to avoid looking like me.

“You Just Need to Lose Weight”: And 19 Other Myths About Fat People, Aubrey Gordon

[myceliumbutch]

"Remember that awareness can lay a foundation for change, but learning more about anti-fatness does not, in itself, change the conditions that fat people deal with every day. In order to change things, we've got to be willing to stretch out of our comfort zones, speak up about things we haven't spoken up about before, and thing more expansively about our own power and influence."

-Aubrey Gordon, ""You Just Need to Lose Weight" and 19 Other Myths about Fat People

[tradedsymmetry]

"The logic of like, 'you did it to yourself' or, 'you should've thought about that before you did x, y, and z,' kind of thing, is a very convenient and tidy way to dehumanize people ... all of that sort of, like, extremely unforgiving thinking is just like, truly and deeply not a thing I wanna emulate in the world."

-Aubrey Gordon, Maintenance Phase, "Bonus: Fad Diets"

[stonebutchooze]

when I go to sleep at night my three parents mike, aubrey and sarah whisper kindnesses into my ears

[thefatfemme]

I knew reading Aubrey Gordon's book 'What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat' was going to bring up a lot of big feelings for me, but I wasn't expecting them to be about swimming.

See, I was a competitive swimmer as a kid. My sister and I were on one year round team and a second neighborhood team in the summers. My sister was a sprinter, but for me it was all about distance events, relays, and the 200m butterfly. Swimming made chubby little 13 year old me feel powerful and graceful, something even my 11 years of ballet hadn't granted.

In chapter 2 of her book, Aubrey Gordon talks about her own experiences as a competitive swimmer who specialized in butterfly, experiences nearly identical to my own. We aren't the only ones, as Aubrey goes on to say she's found many like us, fat kids who loved the way being in the water made them feel and loved swimming the butterfly despite its intense physical demands and higher difficulty.

I don't swim competitively anymore. I'm an adult with a business to run and too many demands on my time to spend much of it at the pool. Still, this connection with other fat kids, this shared experience, healed a little part of the fat kid in me. We found ways to love ourselves, to revel in our bodies and the way they moved, no matter how hard the rest of the world tried to tear us down.

I can't wait to see where else this book is going to take me

[newsmutproject]

When people in more marginalized bodies - particularly fat people, disabled people, transgender and nonbinary people, and people of color - request conversations that grapple with the thornier realities of our lives,which are formed more by other people's behaviors than our own internal self-image, those requests are often roundly rejected by many body positive activists. When fat people open up about our experiences, thinner body positive activists often rewrite these accounts of institutional discrimination and interpersonal abuse as "insecurities," whitewashing the vast differences between our diverging experiences. Fat people who tag photos with #BodyPositive are regularly met with accusations of "glorifying obesity" or "promoting an unhealthy lifestyle." Mainstream social media accounts still post before and after weight loss photos, claiming body positivity while celebrating bodies for looking less fat. The most recognized faces of body positivity, frequently models and actors, are disproportionately white or light-skinned, able-bodied, and either straight size (that is, not plus size) or at the smallest end of plus size. While it may not be an intentional one, for many fat activists, the message is clear: body positivity isn't for us. As a result, fat activists use a variety of terms to describe our work and distinguish it from the body positivity movement's largely interior focus on self-esteem. Some fat activists strive for body neutrality, a viewpoint that holds that bodies should be prized for their function, not their appearance, and that simply feeling impartial about our bodies would represent a significant step forward for those of us whose bodies are most marginalized. Others fight for fat acceptance, which seek to counter anti-fat bias with a tolerance-based model of simply accepting the existence of fat people and ceasing our constant attempts to make fat bodies into thin ones. Some urge us toward body sovereignty, "the concept that each person has the full right to control their own body." Fat activists' frameworks are as varied as fat people ourselves. While these approaches work for many, I describe mine as work for body justice... I yearn for more than neutrality, acceptance and tolerance--all of which strike me as meek pleas to simply stop harming us, rather than asking for help in healing that harm or requesting that each of us unearth and examine our existing biases against fat people. Acceptance is a step forward, but it's a far cry from centering fat people's humanity in our cruel and ceaseless conversations about fat bodies.

-Aubrey Gordon, What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat

[living400lbs]

Cultural conversations prompt us to regard thinness as a major life accomplishment; these myths lend credence to that belief. Many of these myths center around treating fat people as failed thin people, implying that thin people are superior to fat people. These myths aren’t just incorrect or outdated perceptions: they’re tools of power and dominance.

From You Just Need To Lose Weight: And 19 Other Myths About Fat People by Aubrey Gordon

[fatphobiabusters]

Aubrey Gordon, known online to some as Your Fat Friend (yrfatfriend on Twitter), cohost of the popular fatphobia-debunking podcast Maintenance Phase, and author of What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat has written another book that was published on January 10th. The book is titled "You Just Need to Lose Weight" and 19 Other Myths About Fat People.

[Image ID: The book cover for Aubrey Gordon's new book discussed in this post, which is purple with simple text of the book's title and author.]

I have not had the chance to read this book yet since it was only released a little over a week ago, but I definitely plan to read it. I have read Gordon's previous book, her other written work, and listened to Maintenance Phase, so I have no doubt about the high quality of this text.

Here is a link to a review of the book (by someone who understands that fatphobia is real and a legitimate issue) and here is a link to the book on Amazon. A paperback copy is about $16. Gordon discusses the book in one of the latest episodes of Maintenance Phase here, which will eventually include a transcript of the episode. (As a note, I have not listened to this episode yet.)

-Mod Worthy

[gatheringbones]

[“Anti-fatness isn’t about saving fat people, expressing concern for our health, or even about hurting us. Hurting us is a byproduct of reinforcing the egos of the privileged thin. Fat people are specters of some haunting future in which thin people become fat, and like any supernatural foe, we must be vanquished. Thinner people conquer fatness by distancing themselves from fatter people—through street harassment, food policing, and voicing constant judgment so that those around them know that they’re not that fat, not that bad, not that slovenly, not that careless. Fat people are props, set pieces to prove thin people’s virtue by contrast. Even the most benevolent thin people simply tolerate bodies like ours.

In Regulating Aversion: Tolerance in the Age of Identity and Empire, Wendy Brown describes tolerance as “a discourse of power.”

“Despite its pacific demeanor, tolerance is an internally unharmonious term, blending together goodness, capaciousness, and conciliation with discomfort, judgment, and aversion. Like patience, tolerance is necessitated by something one would prefer did not exist. It involves managing the presence of the undesirable, the tasteless, the faulty—even the revolting, repugnant or vile. [. . .] As compensation, tolerance anoints the bearer with virtue, with standing for a principled act of permitting one’s principles to be affronted; it provides a gracious way of allowing one’s tastes to be violated. It offers a robe of modest superiority in exchange for yielding.”

In this way, thinness becomes a system of supremacy—a way of organizing the world around us and once again casting ourselves in a graceful light. At every turn, thin people are defined by their virtue: the restraint and vigilance to stay thin, the tenacity and dedication to monitor their bodies at every moment, the goodness to spread the gospel of thinness to wretched fatter people, and the restraint to stop short of death threats. Everything about hating me reinforces what thin people need to hear about themselves. They don’t want to hurt me; they want to stop hurting themselves. They don’t want to hurt me, but they do.”]

aubrey gordon, what we don’t talk about when we talk about fat