#axl didn’t like the fact the guys did drugs

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug: Volume II | Part Two

Hey, guys! So I’ve decided to get back to a schedule of updates like I had a couple years back, so there will be a new chapter every Saturday. That way it’ll be more organized and I won’t constantly be telling you I’m gonna update and end up not updating due to either psyching myself out or not being through with editing. Thank you for your patience, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I had to break it up into 2 parts bc it was so long to read all at once so the next chapter will be up Saturday, and that’ll start off the scheduled updates! Thank you💜

Words: 6.1k

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse

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1989

“…You are so fucking lucky I didn’t call Nikki and tell him about this.” Doc grumbles to me, irritated as all hell as we walk out of the Los Angeles Police Department.

“The asshole deserved it.” Axl cuts in, sticking up for me yet again before Doc whips around to face us.

“Okay, see, I don’t care what you do.” He states to him, raising his brows. “But she’s done enough shit back to back to back for the past two years…” he trails off, looking at me, “Aren’t you tired?!”

I go to answer him, apologetically, but I’m cut off by him insisting, “of course you’re not, you’re a Sixx, you people thrive off of stressing me, and everyone else at the damn office, out.” He throws up his hands as he turns to continue walking in front of us on the way to his car.

“Maybe if these morons didn’t talk so much she wouldn’t have to shut them up.” Axl continues.

“These morons talk because she has given them plenty to talk about, Mr. Rose. I’m not exactly sure what they teach in Indiana, but where I’m from there’s this thing called, ‘if you’re gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough’.” He states. “You wanted to roll around with Duff without any preventives, so now you just have to face the fact that some people think you’re a slut for it. I don’t know what else to fucking tell you other than the more you get arrested, the harder it is to get you out. Those records don’t go away just because you’re married to Nikki.” He warns me and we get to his car.

“Are you gonna tell Nikki?” It’s as if his whole speech goes right over my head — mainly because it did.

Anytime he opens his mouth I just drown it out, anymore.

He looks at me, as if to say, “did you even hear anything I just said?”

“You two sucker punched someone simultaneously. Nikki’s gonna hear about it somewhere, anyway.” He tells me.

“Like he’s gonna give a shit.” Axl blares, the tone of his voice letting me know he’s getting sick of Doc. “He would’ve done the same damn thing — maybe even worse — if he’d been there. Everyone’s been telling her to ignore everyone for the last year and she’s sick of it so why shouldn’t she stick up for herself? Maybe when people know they have a chance of getting their asses handed to them, they’ll shut the fuck up.”

He makes a good point, and Doc doesn’t argue it, he just looks at me and says, “I suggest you tell Nikki before he hears it anywhere else.”

I dread the possibility of hearing him bitch me out about yet another altercation, but I also find some refuge in Axl’s words.

Nikki would’ve done the same thing had he been there, so maybe he won’t be upset.

Besides, it’s Valentine's Day. He can’t be mad at me on Valentine’s Day.

Doc takes both of us back to my house, the pissed off manager making the comment, “it’s a hell of a step up from Van Nuys.”

I guess I could’ve stayed in our old neighborhood, but even heading in that direction makes my stomach turn and my mouth water with the oncoming threat of vomit.

Thinking of the house so much shit happened in, Nikki’s heroin den, our tumultuous fights, his many instances of throwing Vanity out while they were getting high together, the many times the all mirror ceiling was blown out with a gun…I’m looking down at the thigh that still bares the discolored spots along my skin where shrapnel had to be pulled out of me.

It’s currently hiding under my light wash jeans, but it’s still there.

The person responsible for it is long gone — my mind not even grouping together a sober and clearly thinking Nikki in with who he is when he’s on a days long drug binge.

I like to think that Sikki is still crawled up hiding away in our Van Nuys home, scratching around inside the walls, tormenting the new owners, and I hope he stays there. Far, far away from my husband and our growing family.

Once we get to my house, I’m unlocking the door, tip toeing incase Monroe’s asleep, peeking around the wall of the living room to see he’s laying in Tansy’s lap, the two of them asleep while the shower runs in the guest bathroom.

“Aww.” I whisper, motioning for Axl to come here.

He does, seeing at what I’m seeing, and his eyes might as well turn to hearts.

Axl and Tansy reminded me of myself with Nikki when we got together that first time. Except Axl was the one blindly and immersively head over heels, and I think Tansy loved him, but was also very in love with being borderline worshiped and adored — which was something she hadn’t experienced in any relationship.

Axl’s fuse with Tansy lasted a hell of a lot shorter than my fuse with Nikki, however.

She fell off the wagon a few times between ‘89 and ‘90, and by ‘91 during an ugly argument between the two of them, she had confessed to Axl that she resented him for isolating her from her friends, and that she and Robbin had been hooking up, again.

He threw a piano out the upstairs window of their mansion, and threw her out of the house, too (quite literally), and started dating Stephanie Seymour...but that was short lived and they’d reconciled before she took her mom and her former modeling agency to court for the shit she endured thanks to them.

I carefully bend down to pick Monroe up, managing to not wake him being that lately he’s been sleeping so heavy that an earthquake didn’t even budge him last week.

He’s laid down in his Sesame Street themed crib, his chubby cheeks smushing into my hand as I lay him on his back and tip toe out of there.

I assume Duff’s in the guest bathroom being that his brand new Corvette is in the driveway.

A shit ton of us are set to eat a late lunch at his house in a few hours, being that not many of us have been over there since he and Mandy bought it. It’s just down the street from mine, nothing big or extravagant, but it’s a nice house.

Dad offered to let Monroe stay the night with him and mom so me and Nikki could enjoy valentines tonight…I think he’s secretly hoping I have another baby as soon as I can so he can have one grandchild in one arm and one in the other.

I just can’t see Nikki and I have a baby together right now — I’m just now getting my body as close to where it was before I got pregnant with Monroe.

Grabbing some water from the kitchen, I head back to the living room to see Tansy’s trying to get woke up good enough to get her head on straight.

She had agreed to help me and Mandy get the food ready for tonight, Vince and Tommy are supposed to be at Duff’s to help him and Stevie grill some steaks.

I expect Heather to be there since Tommy’s coming and it’s a couples dinner after all, but it also won’t surprise me if she can’t make it due to filming.

Nikki’s supposed to be dragging Mick and Emi, too, but I don’t know if he’ll succeed at that.

None of us have all been together since the leg of the Girls tour that Nikki and I nearly killed each other on, constantly.

I finish my water and glance at the clock that reads one o’clock.

The goal is to be done at Duff’s around 4:30pm.

I go shower and get some makeup on, blow dry my hair and take about five minutes deliberating between two dresses.

Either a skin tight burgundy one that stops halfway down my thighs, or a light pink one that has a little more flow to it…

I go with the light pink, deciding maybe it would help Nikki’s balls for me to not look like a sex bomb when we are trying to put off sex at the moment.

I should call and tell him wear a long sleeve shirt to cover his toned arms.

If I can’t dress a little slutty then he can’t, either.

Once I have my heels on, I’m heading back to Monroe’s room to wake him up and get him ready for dad to come pick him up.

He’s not in his crib, and when I hear airplane noises down the hall followed by Monroe’s contagious shriek of amusement, I peek my head out of his room to see Duff holding him above his head, with his hand under his chest, and the other around his chunky thigh.

“What’re you doing?” I ask the baby, and he kicks his legs when he sees me, Duff making a beeline toward me while keeping up his jet plane noises until the baby is way over my head thanks to Duff being 6’4 and holding him so high he’s nearly touching the ceiling.

“Nose dive!” Duff calls dramatically, tilting Monroe at a downward angle so I can kiss at his chubby cheek.

He almost kicks his dad in the face with excitement when I kiss him, his little hands coming out to grasp my hair and pull me to him.

“Oh, thank you, that’s so sweet.” I tell him as his slobbery mouth engulfs my cheek. “Are you ready to see Grandpa?” I add, and his face lights up at the mention of my father.

“He can hang out with us, can’t he?” Duff asks, holding Monroe’s back to his chest, leaning down and kissing his cheek several times in a row.

“It’s only us tonight, Duff. Vince and Sharise won’t have Skylar, either.” I remind him sadly, also second guessing our son’s departure that won’t last but under 24 hours.

“They get to see her more than I get to see him, though.” He points out, sounding disappointed. “We’ll go pick him up from your dad’s tomorrow and he’ll already be walking or something, Viv.” He adds.

“He won’t be walking, Duff. He can’t even crawl right now.” I gently squeeze his foot. “You have until October to spend with him, and even then those are just little shows. It’s not like you’ll be on a world tour for years on end and won’t be able to see him at all.”

“That’s what it feels like.” He raises his brows.

We’re quiet for another moment and I’m looking between my son and my ex boyfriend.

“Do you think I should call and tell my dad we’re keeping him?” I ask, now second guessing my decision the more I think about it, fearing the inevitable urge to call and check on him every thirty minutes.

Now it’s Duff’s turn to do what he’s always done and reassure me.

“No, don’t do that, it’ll be fine. He’ll be fine. He’ll have fun with Grandpa. Won’t you, pal?” He asks, turning Monroe to face him, and he’s doing the same to his father as he did to me, reaching for his hair to bring his cheek to his mouth, getting a loud chuckle and a warm, “Ohh, thanks little dude,” before kissing his cheek back.

Dad gets here in a few minutes, Tansy getting ready in my bathroom while Duff’s already said bye to Monroe and headed back to his house.

I finish buckling the baby up in Dad’s new Ford pickup truck, handing him his dark purple blanket that’s the size of a square foot — homage to Prince and the iconic purple he’s integrated throughout his career.

Is it weird that my ex-boyfriend's idol is the ex-boyfriend of my husband’s ex-mistress?

“Alright, baby, have fun. But not too much, okay? I still want you to miss me just a little.” I kiss his temple, smoothing down his brown hair, looking into his green eyes. “…We can keep him, you know, if it’s gonna be too much trouble…” I say to dad, looking at him while he’s patiently waiting for me to shut the door so he can get in.

“Viv…”

“I mean, he’s been crying all day and I think he’s got a stomach bug. Maybe it would be best if he stays with us.” I lie, trying to grasp an excuse.

But dad sees through my bullshit. He always has.

“You can get him back first thing in the morning if you want to, Viv. He’ll be fine. Some separation is good for the two of you — especially you. You’ve got to be comfortable being away from him some if you and Duff are going to share custody.”

“…I never said that.” I raise my brows.

“Well you can’t keep him full time, Vivian, he’s gotta see his son just like you do.” He raises his brows, too.

“But he’s my baby.”

“He’s his baby, too.”

“Well, I can just go with him when he goes to visit with his dad.” I insist.

“For two weeks at a time?” He asks me.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sure Nikki will love that.”

“Dad, I’m not leaving my baby in the care of four drunk idiots and a mentally unstable — “

“ — One of those drunk idiots is his father.” He points out.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” I say next, realizing now how harsh that sounded.

“You just have to get used to not being joined at the hip with him all the time, Viv, that’s all.” He shrugs, and I look at my baby and back to my father, sighing.

“You’ll call if anything – and I mean anything – comes up, right?” I ask.

“I promise.”

“Good or bad, especially bad. If he cries too much, or won’t let you or mom sleep, just call me or Duff and one of us will come get him.” I remind him, probably sounding like a broken record.

“Vivian?” He asks and I turn to face him.

“Yeah, Dad?”

His hands extend to my shoulders and he speaks slowly so I can comprehend him easily:

“He will be fine. Enjoy your night.”

I know I sounded like a crazy person, but Monroe had rarely left my side. He had yet to actually go off and spend the night somewhere other than mine or Duff’s house, and sure he had stayed with my parents but never for that long.

When I had him it was us against the rest of the world, and I really stuck to that. I think I was more clingy with him than he was to me, and maybe subconsciously that made me panic about letting him go off without me.

Within the next thirty minutes, people start to arrive at Duff and Mandy’s, most of us girls sticking to the kitchen or around the house while the boys stand outside over the grill, Duff, Slash, and Stevie steadily drinking beers Vince tries his hardest to drink either soda or water.

It doesn’t take me long to pick up that something isn’t quite all there with Duff and Mandy. Perhaps it’s the way he’s keeping his distance and rarely acknowledging her when he comes into the kitchen to get beer after beer after beer for himself, or the way she gets this spoiled look on her face when he’s around, as if she’s irritated with the mere fact that he’s around…

I keep it to myself, however, knowing it’s not my place to ask either one of them about it, but it’s hard not to take notice that the two of them aren’t even acting like they’re married anymore.

The doorbell rings, Sharise going to answer it, and I hear her kindly say, “Hey!” followed by, “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” and Mick’s, “I feel like I’ve been alive for fucking ever.”

Relief sighs from me at the fact that Nikki succeeded in convincing Mick to come, and I grimace just a bit seeing Emi behind him, but I keep a smile on my face.

By that point it was clear to us exactly what Emi wanted from the beginning. Over the months since they had first got together, Emi was more and more comfortable spending his money, and showing it off.

I hated to admit Nikki was right when he had first called it on the Girls tour, but he was.

Emi was a golddigger.

Nikki’s greeting Mandy when Steve comes in, exclaiming, “Sixx!”

“Hey, man!” Nikki boyishly laughs as Stevie outright hugs him.

“You look good, man.” The blonde takes a step back, admiring the wonders sobriety has done while I offer a fake smile to Emi as she pipes, “Hey, Vivian.”

“Where’s Tommy?” Nikki asks me, coming over to where I’m leaned against the counter, eyeing me up and down.

I ignore it and try to focus on his question, furrowing my brows.

“He should be here any min — ”

“ – Sorry we’re late!” Tommy shouts as he walks into the foyer. “Well, I’m late. Heather’s not able to get off in time.” He adds, stepping into the kitchen with a case of beer. “Where do you want this?” He asks next.

“By the fridge is fine for now, thanks” Mandy tells him, as she examines her potatoes that’re baking in the oven.

“Where’s M.B.?” Tommy furrows his brows, referring to Monroe.

“He’s at my parent’s, Tommy, I told you I couldn’t bring him.” I remind him as he fiddles with the ends of my hair for a moment.

“Ew, so you two can get it on tonight?” He wrinkles his nose in disgust.

“No.” I state, raising my brows. “So we can have a quiet night without having to worry about the five month old baby.”

“You two still aren’t boning?” Steven blurts, tipsy, and I feel my face turn bright red as the kitchen grows quiet.

Mandy, Mick, Sharise, Steven’s girlfriend Cheryl, Izzy’s girlfriend Angela, and Emi are all looking at Nikki and I.

“No.” I force it out. “We’re not.”

“Why not?!” Stevie asks next as if he fears something terrible is wrong with either both of us or one of us.

“We’re taking things slow, Steven. I’m only a fragile virgin.” Nikki answers with some comic relief that has everybody scoffing and laughing a little too hard.

No more questions are asked about it though, and once Tommy and Mick follow Stevie outside to talk with the other guys about manly things, I’m sneaking off to Duff and Mandy’s room to call my dad and check on the baby.

It rings, and rings, and rings, and rings, until it goes to the answering machine.

“Hey, Dad, it’s Viv. I was just calling to check and see how Roe was doing. Call me back when you can.” I hang up, fumbling with the chord of the phone before picking it up again, dialing the same number.

Again, it rings, and there’s no answer.

Back to the answer machine.

“Hey, it’s me again, I forgot to remind you that he eats dinner at 5:00p.m., and no later than that because he has these weird stomach issues if he eats too late at night. Also, just a little bit of solid food, right now, and nothing hard – soft things only. Also, make sure his bottle isn’t too hot or too cold, he won’t even try to eat it if it’s a degree off. He’s picky. And his bedtime is seven. And he’ll cry for a few minutes when you put him in the crib but the doctor said just leave him there and let him cry it out. He goes to sleep after about five minutes. And don’t forget to bathe him – all his bath stuff is in his diaper bag. I washed his hair last night so you shouldn’t have to do that again, but be sure to bathe him good. Also he’s getting this rash on his butt, he’s got some ointment for it in his bag in that side pocket next to where he keep his bottles. If I don’t have enough diapers just call me back and I’ll get some to you asap.” I run on, not even realizing it. “And don’t forget there’s some fresh baby food in his bag, too. It’s in a little lunch box with an ice pack because we’ve been trying to stay away from that weird baby food in a jar that’s mixed up so I just blend it up myself. If he runs out and you wanna make him some more, he eats any fruits or veggies except peas – and he can’t have cantaloupe. He’s severely allergic to that, dad. But I just put it in the blender until it’s the consistency of pudding.” I finish, sighing out. “Alright, I think that’s everything. I love you, kiss my little man for me. Goodnight – but call me back when you can.”

I hang up, falling back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

“You sound like me on crack.” Nikki says from the doorway, shutting the door behind him as he steps over to the bed.

“You can think I’m being paranoid all you want, Nikki, I’m just not comfortable letting him go off and stay for so long.” I don’t even look at him, feeling the bed sink under us as he lays down beside me.

“He’s with Johnny. That’s probably the safest place he can be.” He assures me. “Your mom, probably not so much, but…she just kinda comes with the territory.” He adds and I crack a smile, opening my eyes to look at him. “And since we are kid free, what do you wanna do tonight?”

“I don’t know if I’m in the mood for going out.” I admit, dreading the thought.

It seems anytime I go out now, I’m harassed more and more…which reminds me…

“Did Doc tell you about what happened?” I ask

“…What happened that Doc was supposed to tell me about?”

Shit.

Before I can answer, the door is swinging open, Nikki and I sitting up to see Mandy.

“Oh, sorry,” She mumbles, stepping over to the nightstand to open the drawer. “Food’s ready, by the way.”

“We weren’t doing anything.” I say to her and she shrugs it off as she grabs a new pack of cigarettes.

“It’s okay if you do. It’s not like that bed has seen any action in over two months, anyway.” She says it as she leaves, shutting the door, and Nikki and I look at one another, the both of a us a little stunned she said it.

It was, in itself, a remark that confirmed my suspicion that she and Duff had hit a rough patch in their marriage.

All of us packing into the kitchen table and at the bar connected to the kitchen counter next to it, we eat our food as Angela and Tansy talk about the house she and Axl are looking to buy, while Cheryl, Meegan, Sharise and Emi talk about the new Guns and Mötley stuff that’s in the works simultaneously, which shifts the conversation to touring cool places.

Steve and Tommy are talking about Steve’s wedding that’s coming up, Slash, Duff, and Mick talk about guitar riffs and song writing, while Nikki, Vince and Axl talk about preparations for getting back in the studio — Vince giving Axl tips on how to keep his vocal cords from getting shred over the constant recordings and re-recordings the way the had been when they recorded Appetite for Destruction.

Izzy quietly observes everyone else’s conversations.

“Did Duff tell you about Chicago, Viv?” Mandy interrupts to bring it to my attention, pulling me from my investment in the conversation with the men next to me.

“Mandy…” Duff starts softly, looking at her as if to say, “please, not now.”

“What? I thought she’d already know by now.” There’s a spiteful bite to her words.

“Let us finish eating and I’ll get into all that with her, alright?”

“All what?”

She says, “they’re moving to Chicago for the album,” just as Duff says, “We’ll talk later.”

It takes him a second to realize she just blurted it out, and now everyone else is silent, awkwardly waiting for Duff’s reaction to Mandy’s dismissal of his request.

I bite my tongue to keep from further questioning it, seeing how irritated Duff already is at the moment.

However, when Nikki attempts to make Duff feel better by saying, “Well, we’re moving to Vancouver to work on ours,” I’m blindsided for the second time in five seconds, and I’m not so gracious.

“What?” I look at him.

It’s as if now he remembers he hasn’t told me this, yet, meanwhile Sharise and Emi look as if they’ve known about it.

“I thought I had already told you.” There’s huge regret in his voice, mainly because he knows he’s possibly about to get a new asshole.

“You can come with us, Viv.” It’s as if Tommy isn’t even aware that the topic is about to start an argument, shrugging it off with a wide smile. “Tansy’s gonna be tagging along.”

The way Tansy squeezes her eyes closed and the expression on Axl’s face says it all.

“You’re what?” Axl asks his wife, and she opens her eyes and sighs out, dropping her own silverware.

“Can we talk about this later?” She asks him the question Duff asked Mandy.

“No, what business do you have going off—“

“—Backing vocals for their album, Ax.” Steve says as if it’s common sense.

He clearly knew about it before any of us — including her own husband.

“Backing vocals?” The red head doesn’t seem convinced in the slightest.

“Can we please just have a nice dinner? Please?” She asks him, gently.

“Viv, I really thought I already told you about all this.” Nikki mumbles to me.

“You didn’t until now.” I’m pushing my food away, not hungry anymore.

“When were you gonna tell me all this?” Axl asks Tansy next, and she raises a brow and bites back with, “oh, like how you told me you and Viv got arrested?”

She doesn’t mean to say it so loud, but now I’m the one squeezing my eyes closed and rubbing my forehead as Nikki and Duff blare out a sharp, “what?!”

I feel like everyone watching is having trouble choosing which fight to watch, still eating their food and drinking their drinks while Duff, Mandy, Axl, Tansy, Nikki, and myself are on the borderline of having an all out verbal brawl with one another.

“Some prick got mouthy.” Axl states before I can say it, and Nikki and Duff look at me.

“Viv, you’re gonna end up on house arrest.” Nikki complains.

“So, you’d rather her let someone be nasty to her and not do a damn thing about it?” Axl furrows his brows.

“You fuck out of it, she’s my wife — you bother with yours.” Nikki snaps at him.

“Alright, hey, look, we’re here to eat good food and spend time together so let’s just put off any fighting until after we’re finished, okay?” Mandy says, trying to calm everybody down.

“Amanda, you started all this mess by blatantly ignoring me when I asked you if we could just save the bullshit about me and the guys moving to Chicago.” Duff’s dam breaks, his words starting to come out in a slur.

“Well, it’s not my fault you suck at communicating with the mom of your kid, Michael.”

Once the government names are being pulled, the tension only gets worse.

Is this how people felt when Nikki and I would start up?

“Oh, I suck at communicating? Really?” I can tell he’s winding up to say something mean.

“Duff, just let it go.” I grab at his hand.

“I’m talkin’, Viv,” He brushes me off, squeezing my hand in his for a second, “That’s something coming from the woman who won’t communicate that the reason she treats her husband like horseshit now is because she’s pissy that her music career crashed and burned, while his is going fucking fantastic.”

The air leaves my lungs.

All of us fall deathly quiet and I’m pulling my hand from Duff’s in an abrupt attempt to try to silently tell him that was too far.

Mandy’s departure from the table triggers Angela’s, Cheryl’s, and Meegan’s, the three of the following after her to her bedroom.

“That was kinda fucked up.” Izzy tells Duff.

“If it’s fucked up, it’s fucked up.” Duff states with a cracking voice, tears in his eyes as he’s picking up his beer, but I snatch it from him, slamming it down on the table.

“…Welp, Sixx, I had fun.” Mick sighs to Nikki, standing up.

“Yeah, me too.” Slash adds, doing the same.

“You’re leaving?” Tansy asks him.

“Me and Meegan have plans, Tans.” He states. “But we’ll hangout sometime before you leave.” He adds.

“She’s not leaving.” Axl mumbles and Tansy glares at him.

“If I wanna go, I’ll go.”

“Yeah, and get strung out again.” He says.

“We’re all sober.” Vince interjects for the first time tonight.

“Oh, yeah?” Axl asks, glancing at Nikki.

“Yeah.” Vince replies, looking at Nikki, next.

It’s very apparent there’s a silent conversation happening between my husband and Axl, and it’s not one that gives me a good feeling.

And the longer they look at each other the more antsy Tommy becomes before he blurts: “it was one fucking time, man, alright? We got right back on the goddamn wagon!”

“What?” Sharise and I ask, she’s looking at Vince as if he’s guilty, too, but from his expression I can tell he isn’t.

“Tommy.” Nikki keeps his cool, getting a grip before he can ring Tommy’s neck.

“I’m sorry, man, alright? I’ve been guilty as shit about it and I just needed to get it off my fucking chest.”

“In front of her?!” Nikki says back, looking at me with a heavy breath. “It was a couple of drinks, Vivian.” He assures me, earning a scoff from Duff.

“And a mountain of blow.” The blonde blurts out and Izzy softly says, “Duff, stop fucking talking.”

“Yeah, like hell you’re going to different country with them.” Axl tells Tansy as she looks between Nikki and Tommy, disappointed while Vince looks outright livid.

“When the fuck did that happen?” He asks Tommy and Nikki.

“I’ll be back in a second.” I get up to go to the bathroom to calm down so Nikki and I don’t ruin a good night, and I hear chairs sliding out as I head to the bathroom, assuming Duff and Nikki, because I hear Nikki state, “I got it.”

Before I can even shut the bathroom door, Nikki’s pushing it open, inviting himself and Tommy in.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now.” I tell them, sitting on the edge of the bathtub, taking deep breaths, tears in my eyes although I’m not even sad.

I’m fucking frustrated.

Duff’s apparently off to Chicago soon along with Izzy, Axl, Steve and Slash, and Nikki’s gonna be gone, too, with Tommy, Vince, and Mick…and now that Tommy and Nikki have already had a screw up…

“I’m sorry, Vivian.” Nikki says to me, quietly. “I thought we had already talked about the moving thing, and I didn’t tell you about me and Tommy fucking up because I didn’t want you to think we weren’t trying to take this serious.”

I don’t say anything, taking a moment to gather my thoughts.

“No, Nikki, you told me you guys were thinking about moving. You never told me you were doing it for certain.”

“Well, we’re only gonna be gone for about six months, and we were gonna ask if you wanted to come with us.” Tommy adds.

“I can’t. I have Monroe.”

“He can go with us.”

“Not if you two are diving into mountains of blow, again.” I snap.

“That was one fuck up, Viv.” Tommy assures me, crouching down in front of me. “We’re already back on the straight and narrow and we’ll stay there.” He adds.

“I can’t do anymore time with you two stoned and wasted, Tommy, I’ve done it enough and I’m fucking tired.” I say shakily, the mere thought of having to endure what I’d endured throughout the years brings tears to my eyes. “Cause I love you a lot more when you’re actually you.” I add.

“We’re not gonna be like that this time, Viv, alright? It’s gonna be fun – like, for everybody.” At least he acknowledges that it’s only been fun for the ones not sober the last time they made an album and toured.

It’s said as if it’s a no-brainer, as if he’s wondering why I’m stressing over the thought of it.

“Duff’s gonna be in Chicago. I just need to stay here so visiting him will be easier.” I conclude, rubbing my forehead, hearing Nikki huff out a breath.

***I think Nikki realized then that co-parenting and sharing custody with Duff was about more than sending some letters and pictures and calling often when Duff wasn’t in town.

It was going to cut into time between Nikki and I, and I think a part of him resented that.

I would’ve been comfortable with dropping Monroe off with his dad and getting him two weeks later, but I felt like Duff wasn’t ready for all that responsibility.

Tansy helped me out on tour, and I would be able to leave Monroe with them for a few days with her help, and she’d take care of him when Duff wasn’t available.

She was only able to do that, however, when she was able to take a break from backing vocals on the Dr. Feelgood tour.

But her keeping Monroe on the road with Guns for me only occurred a couple times before I just decided to tag along with them full time when it was time for him to stay with his dad, and I was glad I did.

There was too much stress, and Duff coped with it in all the wrong ways. He tried the best he could at the time, but he was not fit to be a father on the road. And I honestly think he had come to accept that, eventually.

“Well, why not go back and forth?” Tommy suggests. “Go see Duff for a little bit and come back? Split the time?”

“I’d have to go through customs and everything else constantly, Nikki, and with a baby…that’s just a lot to have to keep up with…why’re you guys even going to Vancouver?”

“Probably the same reason they’re going to Chicago. To get out of L.A.. There’s too much shit around here.” Nikki says.

I want to make a smart remark about there obviously being too much shit out here if they’ve already fell off the wagon once.

“I really want you to come with us, Viv. We’ll figure out the Monroe and Duff thing later. You’ve been around for every album we’ve recorded. I don’t wanna be up there without you.” Tommy says next.

This would be the first album of theirs I’d miss the recording of if I didn’t go.

I glance at Nikki, his arms crossed as he stares down at the floor, awaiting my answer before I look at Tommy.

“100 percent sober, Tommy.” I say to him, sternly.

I can see my childhood friend’s face shift as he realizes what I’m saying.

“And I mean it.”

“Deal.” He agrees before I can barely get the words out.

“Promise?” I ask next, holding my pinky up.

He doesn’t even question it, linking his pinky with mine as he says:

“Promise.”

His arms engulf me in a tight hug, squeezing me to him tightly with a smile on his face that’s ear to ear.

“Ah, I fuckin’ love you, Viv.” He says next, pulling away, holding my face in his giant hands and I hold his wrists, smiling at him.

“I know Tommy.” I reply, and he gives a dramatic “mwah!” when he kisses my cheek, hopping up.

“I gotta go call Heather and tell her.” He’s like an excited puppy, Nikki stepping aside to let him out before the door shuts again.

“You gonna forgive me as easily as you did him?” He asks as I stand up.

“Tommy’s Tommy. You’re not.” I flatly state, the smile dropping from my face quickly as I reach to open the door.

He’s reaching his hand over my head and shutting it, however, making me turn and face him, unamused.

[awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands]

Guns N’Roses when they discover that their boyfriend/partner is bisexual:

A/N: Here’s the second part of my wonderful bi boy/ nb people. Remember that you are valid, loved and being bi is not something wrong!

TW: Mentions of sex, biphobia, mentions of addiction, overdose and death

Axl Rose

You were biting your nails nervously, waiting for Axl to arrive. You usually hate that your boyfriend was late, but this time you were glad, because you really needed to gather up your courage and tell him what you needed to.

You were bisexual, but he didn’t know that. You were too scared of upsetting him, to be misunderstood, it was already difficult for him to deal with all his internalized homophobia, due to his upbringing, what if he thought you were just a “fake gay boy” who went after him only for fame, but in reality he was attracted to girls? You would hurt him so bad, because in his eyes you betrayed his trust, you took advantage of his vulnerability and stabbed his heart.

He would have left you, and you couldn’t deal with that, your life without that wonderful redhead was so empty and sad, you’d be so hurt, your heart broken in so many little pieces. Your thoughts were so loud, that you didn’t hear Axl coming towards you.

“Sorry baby boy, I had to stay in the studio a little longer… are you okay?” He asked concerned.

“Ax… we need to talk.” You stated, biting your lips.

“Is it a bad news or a good news?” He tried to laugh, but his attempt fell flat.

You took a deep breath, your heart beating so fast that you just wanted to lie and finish it all, but you knew it had to be done.

“ I’m bisexual, I like girls too. But before you can say anything, I’m not a “fake gay” and not I’m not trying to be straight to please people.” “Babe…”

“ And I didn’t take advantage of you just to get famous and have money. I was so scared of telling you this, because I could never stay without you, please don’t leave me !” You were frenetic, but then you felt two hands cupping your face.

“Hey baby, calm down. I’m not angry, I’m just surprised, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I’ll love you and respect you regardless of whom you like. You’re my boyfriend, I could never leave the most important person in my life!” You looked you right in the eyes, a small smile on his face.

You really felt like you could have cried of joy, it felt so good to be able to get ridden of this weight and to have Axl still at your side. You kissed him, and he brought you into a hug, playing with your hair.

“I love you so much Axl, I know it is hard for you, so it means a lot!” You said.

“Yeah, I want to try my hardest because you deserve the best, ya know?” He said, nervous but also happy.

You squeezed his hand tightly, making him smile.

 Slash

You were sitting on a beat up couch in the backstage. Your boyfriend Slash was showering and as much as you loved to shower together, you knew what would happen if you stepped there, so you decide to spare the boy to hear everything and just hung observe all the roadies working and people talking.

After a couple of minutes, you felt someone sitting down next to you, probably your boy, but before you could turn around and throw yourself in Slash’s arms, you heard a female voice speaking.

“Hey there, beautiful!” She said, flashing you a smile. Probably, she was a groupie.

You looked her up and down, and you had to admit she was very pretty.  Of course, you didn’t feel any romantic feeling towards her, but you could still appreciate beauty when you saw it.

“Do you like what you see? I didn’t know you were into girls too, sugar! I just thought you liked guys since you were Slash’s partner, as he calls you.”

You were no-binary, and you came out to Slash one month after dating. He started to refer to you in the right way and using the right pronouns, then he asked people to call you his partner, even if he didn’t out you.

“Yeah, I don’t discriminate, you know. Even if I like my boyfriend very much, thank you!” You replied, but she seemed to ignore you, sitting on your lap.

“I believe Slash won’t oppose if we propose him a threesome.” She whispered with a smirk.

You felt someone clearing his throat.

“They are my person sweetie, so move on!” He said firmly, and the girl hopped off your lap and got out of the door, still flashing his mischievous smile.

You started panicking, because you had no idea how long Slash was there and what he heard or saw. Oh God, what if he thought that you were a cheater? What if he heard that you are bi?

“Slash… I-I’m bisexual. I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you about this before, but I was scared that you could believe at all the stereotypes, and leave me. Also, I was scared that you thought I was “too much” because “c’mon you can’t be no-binary and bi, too!” Your breathing was getting faster, and you were really afraid to start crying, but Slash held your hands.

“You can always talk to me baby! I love you just as you are, and I’m proud you decided to tell me. I’d never leave you or believe what they say. You are my wonderful partner and I’ll keep loving you until the end!”

You kissed him with passion, running a hand in his curls, and thinking how lucky you were to have him.

Duff Mckagan

Being a bassist and opening for the band that your bassist boyfriend played in was the best thing ever!

You and Duff were pretty reserved with your relationship, and you never felt the need to talk about your past relationships, so your boyfriend didn’t know you were bi and you had been with girls too. You were too scared to come out to him, and make thing awkward between you two and your bands, plus the past partners were not all supportive, and that make you quite afraid that he wouldn’t love you anymore.

You were doing an interview with a rock magazine, Duff was also there, but he already did his, so he was there as moral support. It was going good, the interview didn’t ask you too personal questions, well until now.

“Duff isn’t the first musician that you have dated, though. Before him you dated a famous singer in a girl’s band, is that right?” She questioned pleased.

You felt the world stopping, while your heart started to beat faster. Too scared to look at your boy, you fixed your gaze at the floor, trying to calm yourself, because your brain was shouting at you how Duff would hate you, leave you forever and never come back.

“Yeah, I dated her, but we didn’t get along. I don’t want to talk about it and I think our time is up.” You voice cracked a bit, but there was no way that you would let her know how her words hit you.

She seemed upset, but she left anyway.

“I thought you said that you never dated someone just t pretend to not like boys.” Duff said surprised, but also hurt.

“I didn’t do that, I’m bisexual so I like girls too, and I thought that I loved her, but it didn’t go that well.” Your eyes darted anywhere but to the blond bassist, while you tried to fight the tears.

You were not ready to see him walk away, and you tried to prepare for the worst, but Duff simply thumbed away one of your tears.

“Don’t cry babe, God please I hate seeing you like that. I promise I’m not angry or anything, just why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I was scared that you would react like she did when I told her, that you would think of me as a cheater, a fraud, someone who can’t decide and I didn’t want you to leave me, I love you too much!”

Duff sat down and put you on his lap.

“You are my baby boy, and I could never be pissed at you, or think all those awful things. Nothing is changed between us, I still love you and I’ll support you no matter what, even if groupies will be after you even more!” He joked and you managed to smile.

He stroked your cheek and kissed your nose, while bringing you closer and keeping soothing you.

Izzy Stradlin

Your eyes shoot open, your heart beat fast as the images of your nightmare were still impressed in your memory. Everything felt so real, your mind was still having troubles realizing that what you had seen was not real, or at least it was not happening right now.

You tried you’re best to not wake Izzy up, who was sleeping next to you, but you felt way too anxious and scared to stay still, so eventually your boyfriend woke up due your trembling.

“Hey babe, you okay?” He asked sleepy, his elbows on the bed as he sat on it.

You shook your head, feeling worse and worse, so much that you couldn’t even talk and you just wanted to cry. It’s okay, it was not real. It was not now.

“What’s wrong? You can tell me, it’s fine!” He reassured you, he gently rub your back.

Usually you and Izzy didn’t have secrets between each other, in fact you came out to him as no-binary, and he totally accepted you, never stopped to show you his support and addressing you in the right one. However, you kept away from him two things: that you were bisexual and that your ex-girlfriend died of overdose soon after your breakup.

That was what the dream was about, but of course you couldn’t tell him without coming out in the process, so what were you going to choose? He thought of being rejected by him, made you even sicker, because Izzy was your boyfriend, your rock and you couldn’t be without him. You were about to lose him so many times due alcohol and drugs, you couldn’t bear it if it was your fault this time.

But that the same time, you knew how much he hated lies, and how this all thing was eating you alive.

“I-I had a girlfriend some time ago, she was a good girl, but she started to get addicted to heroin. I tried to help her as much as I could, to stay at her side but the relationship got too toxic to handle, so we decided to break up. S-She died soon after due to an overdose.” It felt good to let it out, but at the same time it was terrifying thinking about the consequences.

“Wait you said girlfriend?”

“Yes Izzy, I’m bi. And I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you! I’ve seen her fading away more and more, until she was gone, and the same thing was happening to you. I’m so glad you are clean now, because I could never stand having you away from me, so please don’t leave me!” You were begging him, with tears in your eyes.

Izzy hold your hands, giving you a smile.

“Darling, I love you and I could never leave you or be ashamed of who you are. I’m so grateful for having you here at my side, helping me stay sober, and I promise you nothing will tear us apart, okay?” He said firmly, squeezing your hands.

You put yourself into his arms, your head against his chest until his heart beat made you fall asleep.

Steven Adler

You were chilling on the sofa, watching some old sitcom on the TV, when Steven entered the room, a confused look on his face. He looked like he wanted to say something for you but he didn’t know how or what, so you decide to leave him think.

“Babe why did you have a pin or your jacket with written “bi” on it?” He asked you, unsure but curious at the same time.

You started to shake as your breathing was getting heavier, you were totally panicking. You turned off the television and tried to calm yourself down. You didn’t think he would be able to catch on it, it was a cute little pin, hardly to read from far, and Steven never showed interest into seeing what it was about, until now.

Now probably your secret was out: yes, you were bisexual. You never told your boyfriend that, but still you felt a sort of pride in your identity, even if you were closeted, you still wanted a tiny bit of freedom, and that pin was it.

You’ve never told Steven about your bisexuality, because you were afraid to lose him or that he wouldn’t understand you, usually boys were wither gross about it, or they thought you were just gay. If Steven reacted like that, not  only your heart would be broken, but you also couldn’t stay with him anymore.

“I know what bi means. Are you bi honey?” He sounded hurt, probably because you haven’t told him before.

“I’m s-sorry. I-I was scared that you could g-get angry at me and leave me, like people did in the past!”. You started crying, reality hitting hard, the possibility of Steven getting away becoming scarier every second.

“I love you sweets, I could never leave you, not when you own my heart, it beats for you!” Your boyfriend said, grabbing your hand, trying to calm you down a bit.

You left out a sigh of relief, while you tried to stop crying.

“Bi means that you like both right? Sorry I lied when I said I know it for sure!” He giggled, a bit embarrassed.

You nodded with a smile, then you hugged him very tightly, still not believing that you were out now and he was okay with it.

“Thank you so much baby, this means a lot to me!” You whispered into his ear.

“You are my heart, I could never stay without you, and I’m proud of who you are!” He replied, kissing your lips gently.

[ocw-archive]

The Story of O - Texas Monthly, June 2003

By John Spong “Mooooonshine,” said Owen Wilson, sounding typically awed and random. “Isn’t it too bad that something with such a great name has to be illegal? ‘Moonshine.’ It’s beautiful. I’ve never even had any, but I’ve always wanted to try it. How could you not? It’s called ‘moonshine.’” The Oscar-nominated screenwriter and big-popcorn movie star was driving down Wilshire Boulevard in Santa Monica, and the talk in the car was going a lot like it does in his films. Whether his lines are ones that he works on for months or just thinks up that morning on the set, they zig and zag softly around topics that appear to have no ready connection other than the fact that they popped into his head and right out his mouth. Following Owen through a conversation is like replaying the last five thoughts that entered your own mind, only he does it out loud.

The discussion had started with, of all things, a quote from Samuel Beckett. From there he moved through his dad, Ireland, God, Planet of the Apes, and moonshine. Owen was on a roll. He bounced to hard drugs to Axl Rose to James Garner to James Brown, then he lightly touched down with a bittersweet anecdote about perception and love that he’d lifted from another master of letters. The punch line to his rambling? Owen had never actually read the anecdote or anything by its author. But he sure did think it was cool.

And that was it: the perfect opening scene for a magazine profile of Owen Wilson. Here was Owen behind the wheel, floating in innocent oblivion, throwing out observations that would sound sarcastic coming from anyone else, looking a whole lot like Owen on-screen. Whether he’s supremely blond male model Hansel in Zoolander or the obnoxious young western novelist Eli Cash in The Royal Tenenbaums, his characters seem wholly unaware that the rest of the world runs at a different pace and in a different direction, and Owen plays them so naturally that it’s hard not to assume that he’s just being himself. This was the proof. Owen is as Owen does.

But a problem arose. When we talked on the phone a week later, he said that the bittersweet anecdote, the best part of our conversation, couldn’t show up in the article. Not even the author’s name. He said it was a key point in a script he’d been reading and that to use it would ruin the film. “So if you wouldn’t mind,” he said, as polite as you please, “I think we have to leave that out.” A couple of days later I e-mailed him to gauge his resolve. He wouldn’t budge. “I can’t say any stronger how off-limits that thing is,” he wrote. “But call me if you want to come up with something else. We’re both funny guys. Shouldn’t be too hard.”

Come up with something else? It didn’t exactly bear the hallmark of great literary journalism, but it was a curious notion, and not just because he was calling me funny. Owen Wilson was offering to co-author a scene for this story. I e-mailed him back saying I would give it a go. With Owen on board, it might not be hard at all.

At a time when there are enough successful big-screen families to justify a separate map to sibling star’s homes-Baldwins, Culkins, Gyllenhaals, and so on-the moviemaking Wilson brothers, Owen, 34, Luke, 31, and Andrew, 38, are the most fun to watch, in large part because they’re so often found together. Owen has created roles for Andrew and Luke in all three of the movies-Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, and The Royal Tenenbaums—that he’s penned with his best friend and collaborator, Wes Anderson. Luke still lives in Owen’s house in a quiet neighborhood in Santa Monica, even though he bought a house of his own more than a year ago. And not long after you read this, they should all be in Austin shooting The Wendell Baker Story, a film written by Luke, who will co-star with Owen and co-direct with Andrew.

But even though each of the brothers has a movie of his own coming out later this year, Owen is the Wilson to watch right now. In addition to his screenwriting success, he’s become Hollywood’s leading buddy, a strange hybrid of straight man and goofy sidekick to the likes of Jackie Chan, Eddie Murphy, and Ben Stiller. He’s got a string of upcoming movie projects that will keep him working for the next few years. And last March, when the three Wilsons sat with their parents at the Texas Film Hall of Fame induction ceremony in Austin, it was Owen who was the recipient of the rising-star award. Neither of his brothers seems jealous. “I thought my picture was going to be in an insert on the cover of Texas Monthly,” joked Luke when I called him in mid-April to talk about his older brother. “But I guess I understand. I want to get to the bottom of that guy as much as you do.”

Start at a household with no television. When their dad, Bob Wilson, took over as manager of the Dallas PBS affiliate in 1969, a year after Owen was born, he and his wife, Laura (a renowned photographer who took the pictures on these pages and the cover), decided the Wilsons would be television-free. “I really loved TV as a kid,” said Owen, “but we’d have to go over to a friend’s house to watch it. We’d watch the afternoon movie on Channel 11, where we’d see Planet of the Apes Week one week and Clint Eastwood Week the next.”

Despite the differences in their ages, the Wilson kids spent the time they might have been parked in front of the television actually engaging one another, playing sports, hanging out with the same friends, and making their own entertainment. “They did short plays as the Farquar Players,” remembered Bob (the name coming from the street they lived on in Dallas). “I was generally the brunt of the action. They’d set up three stools, and one of the boys would play me driving the other two out to East Texas or somewhere, trying to whack the two in the back seat. It was nice to have them act it out rather than rebel.”

Owen did manage to find his fair share of trouble. Never a student of academic distinction, he was expelled from the exclusive Dallas boys’ school St. Mark’s during his sophomore year when he and some friends got ahold of the answers to a geometry exam. According to Owen, a C to D student, he wouldn’t have been caught if he hadn’t started answering the extra credit questions correctly. But that’s not why he got the boot. “They wanted the name of a guy who cheated along with me,” he said, “but I talked to my dad about it, and we didn’t feel that was right. There’s kind of a shabby nobility in that.” Owen finished high school at the New Mexico Military Institute, in Roswell, a spot of his own choosing, surprisingly enough. He considers it a good move. At NMMI, he concentrated on his passion for writing, edited the school’s literary magazine, and more importantly, met the kid who would introduce him to Wes Anderson.

Owen’s fabled first encounter with Wes took place in a University of Texas playwriting class in 1990, Owen’s junior year. “Wes walked in wearing L.L. Bean duck boots and short pants,” Owen has said, “which I thought was kind of obnoxious.” But it wasn’t until that summer, when Owen’s NMMI friend introduced them, that they started to talk. They discovered a shared love of movies, which made Wes the perfect stand-in for the other Wislon boys, who for one of the few times in Owen’s life, weren’t in the same town. By the next semester, the two were sharing a house just west of campus.

“UT had a great movie thing,” said Owen, “showing them every night in Hogg Auditorium or that Texas Union place, and we’d walk over and there’d never be anybody there. Wes actually worked up in the projection booth for a little bit.” Wes was fascinated by the technical aspects of filmmaking, which never held Owen’s attention, and soon they were creating short films to air on Austin’s public access channel. “I was a big movie fan,” said Owen, “but I didn’t see how you could really work in movies. That seemed sort of impossible. The subject I was okay at was English, so I could see trying to write short stories or maybe even books. The most practical thing seemed to be in advertising, writing copy.”

In 1991 Owen left UT a couple classes shy of his English degree-he says he needed a break-and moved into a small apartment with his brothers on Throckmorton Street in Dallas. Soon Wes moved in, and he and Owen continued work on Bottle Rocket, a screenplay they’d started in Austin about a group of young guys with a hopelessly unrealistic dream to rob banks. They showed some film they’d shot to Texas filmmaker L.M. Kit Carson, an acquaintance of Bob Wilson’s, and with his encouragement, and about $7,000 he was able to round up, produced what Owen describes now as a “thirteen-minute, black and white, guerilla-style” short. They took it to the 1993 Sundance Film Festival, where it became the movie to see, even though it wasn’t in the festival competition. Then James L. Brooks, a true Hollywood don who created The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Taxi and developed The Simpsons, saw the short and was sufficiently impressed to secure a feature-film deal with Sony Entertainment allowing Wes to direct and the Wilsons to star.

Bottle Rocket, shot in Dallas, was finished in 1994. At first look it is a strange film, a caper flick with characters who spend their time talking about their life of crime rather than getting on with it; they don’t even seem clear on what a life of crime is. In the movie’s final scene, the group’s ringleader, Dignan, played by a handcuffed Owen, gives his comrades a no-worries smile and two-handed wave from inside a prison yard, as if the fact that he got caught means he’s finally arrived. Test audiences didn’t make it that far into the movie; they left in droves, and early. When it was released, reviews were mixed, and it died at the box office. Owen started talking about getting into advertising or the military.

But the passage of time was kind. When Bottle Rocket was released on video, it developed a strong cult following. It became a favorite movie for high school and college guys to get together and watch with a case of beer, just as Night Shift and Spinal Tap had been when the Wilsons were growing up. Hollywood took note and gave Owen and Wes a second chance. Their 1998 follow-up, the flawless prep-school daydream Rushmore, made even fewer concessions to the audience than Bottle Rocket but received universal critical praise and established Wes as a director. In the meantime, Owen began making a name for himself as an actor, finding ways to steal entire films with small parts. Some of the roles were in movies begging to be stolen, like 1997’s J-Lo meets Ice-Cube meets-great-big-snake debacle, Anaconda, and 1998’s Bruce-Willis-meets-asteroid-so-asteroid-doesn’t-meet-earth schlockbuster, Armageddon, but others were films expected to stand on their own, like Jim Carrey’s The Cable Guy, in 1996, and Ben Stiller’s Meet the Parents four years later.

By 2001, when he was handpicked by Gene Hackman to be rescued from Kosovo in the military action film Behind Enemy Lines, Owen was at the top of the marquee. At Christmas of that year, Owen and Wes’ Salinger-like family soap opera, The Royal Tenenbaums, came out, and critics who had dismissed Owen’s hilarious but light sidekick turns in Shanghai Noon and Zoolander had to pay their respects when the Tenenbaums script received an Academy Award nomination. Now, he has put his writing on hold while he picks his roles as he pleases, like last year’s I Spy, with Eddie Murphy, and this year’s Shanghai follow-up, with Jackie Chan. John Moore, who directed Wilson in Behind Enemy Lines, summed up Owen’s progress: “He can get movies made. I’ve been in meetings and heard people say, ‘Well, if we get Owen, we’re set.’ And they’ll pay him ten million dollars for it. That’s the judge of it these days.”

Owen measures things differently. For him, the critical reexamination that accompanied Bottle Rocket’s cult popularity-Martin Scorcese, among others, called it one of the ten best movies of the nineties-is all the achievement he needs: “It’s always gratifying when people come up and recognize me from a movie, but the one that means the most is Bottle Rocket. It was the first one, it’s me and my brothers, my friend Wes directed it, and we wrote it together.”

A week after visiting Owen in Los Angeles, he and I began exchanging e-mails, trying to come up with this article’s opening scene. It wasn’t so easy after all. He’d just started filming Starsky and Hutch with Ben Stiller and had plenty of other things to think about, like starring in an $80 million movie. I was in my office, sifting through photocopies of literary criticism. We agreed to begin with his thoughts on moonshine, but to get to the punch line, we had to find another writer and anecdote. Owen was full of ideas. “What about Finnegans Wake?” he wrote from his trailer on the set. “We talked about that. We had a long conversation about how much we liked Joyce or really just the idea of Joyce, since I haven’t read that either.”

This view of Owen at work was more than I’d hoped for. If there is any real mystery to Owen, it’s in the way he writes with Wes. Brooks, who followed the two through Bottle Rocket, couldn’t explain it, nor could Owen’s brothers, nor even Bob Wilson, who has turned rooms in his office and home over to the two when they are working on scripts. Conventional wisdom puts Wes at a keyboard, getting down the details and much of the story, with Owen on the other side of the room, feet up on a table, throwing out lines. But Owen was vague when the subject came up. “We both kind of respond to certain characters and try to spin a story around a character or relationship,” he said. “And, yeah, I don’t know how to type, so Wes is at the keyboard.”

Our e-mails were turning into that kind of collaboration, except that the characters were us, and I’m not Wes Anderson. I’d spent half an hour typing out a laundry list of suggestions, and as soon as it was gone, I’d get a one-line response from Owen, who was watching out for the bigger picture and the punch lines. “Explain what we get with that other story,” he wrote, righting our course. “I like the idea of talking excitedly about a book for a long time, and at the end we realize that both of us haven’t read it.” When we stalled, he’d throw out encouragement: “Let’s take this as a challenge. I, for one, think we can come up with something great. But you know me, I’m a bluesky artist.”

“’Bluesky’?” I replied.

“It’s blue sky,’”wrote Owen, “like Pollyanna. I think I left out a space.”

Finally, on Good Friday I e-mailed him a rough draft of a new opening scene. He mulled it over for a couple of days and on Easter Sunday sent his revisions. They were pure Owen, random musings you could imagine from almost any of his characters, and significantly funnier than his comments in the car. “I like this stuff,” he said when he called to read through it. “I kind of want to save some of it for a movie.” But he said to leave it in. Our new scene was complete.

The story of O, is not, contrary to a recent Details cover line, the story of a nose. Owen’s appeal has less to do with his oft-broken snoot (at least two times, confirmed) than with a demographic, specifically guys between the ages of twenty and forty. Carson claims that Owen has “given a voice to his generation,” an exaggerated characterization if you’re looking to Owen’s oeuvre for a grand statement. But it’s dead-on when you consider that much of what he says sounds like it could come from any guy near his age. Owen is like a buddy from college, a guy’s guy, someone it was more fun to stand by the keg and comment on the party with than to actually join in. Although Owen now dates rock stars-a highly publicized romance with Sheryl Crow ended last year-he’s never lost that familiar quality. When guys see Jackie Chan try to coax Owen into some ridiculous Crouching Tiger acrobatics in Shanghai Knights and Owen throws up his hands and says, “What in our history makes you think I’m capable of something like that?” he might as well be sitting in the theater next to them.

At a café in front of Fred Segal’s high-toned shopping center in Santa Monica, Owen though out loud about how he’s become everybody’s buddy. “Maybe it’s from growing up with my dad, who can be real funny but who can also be kind of moody, up and down. So I became good at getting along with tricky personalities. And growing up in Texas, it was important that we be polite. When I meet these guys like Eddie Murphy, Bruce Willis, and Jackie Chan, I’m always super respectful. Then I get to know them, and then I can start to kid around with them.” It’s an exercise he enjoys. Working with Murphy on I Spy fulfilled a childhood dream-if not box-office hopes-and he’s become close friends off-screen with Chan and Stiller.

What’s harder for Owen to understand is the way critics describe him, favoring words like “oddball,” “slacker”, and “quirky.” “I guess ‘quirky’ is a euphemism for something most people, like, aren’t going to like,” said Owen between bites from a bowl of turkey chili. But when I asked him about a New York Times review that called him a “stoner’s version of James Garner,” his answer didn’t quite counter the charge. “That’s great because I loved James Garner in The Rockford Files,” he said, without a trace of insincerity. “I loved the way they’d open each show with Rockford’s answering machine going off and him getting some cruddy message like, ‘Hey, Jim, just calling to let you know that that race down in Baja that we thought was this weekend-it turns out it’s next weekend. Hope you haven’t already left.’ I love that.”

In truth, Owen is well aware of how he’s perceived and it informs everything he does on the screen. When he signed on to play a cocky top-gun pilot in Behind Enemy Lines, he pushed to have his character moved to the back seat, figuring his persona would play better as a put-upon navigator. It did. When he didn’t feel right portraying an accomplished intelligence agent walking Murphy through the world of espionage in I Spy, Owen created a second, rival spy in the script who would outshine his own and get all the best 007 gadgets. And instead of portraying a hard-guy gunfighter in the Shanghai movies, he converted the character into an inept, insecure, wannabe train robber who was really just in it for the girls. “We’ve worked these characters to be ones that I’m comfortable playing, that aren’t such badasses,” he said. “I’m more the kid in the back of the class making wisecracks.”

These are natural roles for Owen, all the more so because he tends to invent his own lines. Here is where his generation really hears itself, connecting with the pop-culture references Owen uses to fill out his dialogue. A favorite line from Shanghai Noon, “I may not know karate, but I know ka-razy. And I will use it” is from a James Brown song. His taunt to rival male model Stiller in Zoolander, “Who are you trying to get crazy with ese? Don’t you know I’m loco?” was originally a point of high drama in 1992’s Chicano gangster flick American Me. And the line that may be his most quoted, “They’ll never catch me because I’m f---ing innocent,” from Bottle Rocket, is lifted from a Guns n’ Roses song. “Scorcese wrote in Esquire that that was one of his favorite lines, and it’s from ‘Out ta Get Me,’” he said. “Obviously it’s used very differently in the film from what Axl Rose did with it.”

Owen comes up with all of this, and though this kind of riffing may not be heavy lifting, if you’re in on the joke, it’s part of that otherness that makes up his appeal. Maybe that’s what the critics mean by “quirky.” Brooks, who gave the world could-be savants Georgette Baxter from Mary Tyler Moore and Jim Ignatowski from Taxi, favors more-flattering terms, although he ends up sounding like Owen himself when he talks about it. “It’s a very delicate thing to maintain the right distance between you and the world,” he said, “but Owen’s got a great perch. You could throw him in a Hemingway novel, you could put him in the twenties, you could put him in the forties; he would be a star in any era. There’s something nicely literary about that little remove. I don’t even know what I mean when I say that, but I’ve always thought it.”

So maybe Owen has a slacker’s remove but hardly a slacker’s workload; fans will see plenty of him in the coming year. Next in the theaters will be an adaptation of Elmore Leonard’s The Big Bounce, opposite Morgan Freeman. It’s set in Hawaii, and Owen said it concerns “a crime and a con, and I play an antihero. You know you’ve almost made it when you get to play an antihero.” He’ll be shooting Starsky and Hutch through June, then he and brother Luke will make cameos as the Wright brothers in Jackie Chan’s remake of Around the World in 80 Days. Then it’s to work on The Wendell Baker Story with both Luke and Andrew. Throughout these projects, he and Wes will be sending ideas back and forth on a top-secret project known in Hollywood as Wes’s “oceanographer” script. Within the next couple years, he’d like to write a script of his own, but in the meantime, fans will have to content themselves watching Owen in other people’s projects, listening for those signature lines only he would make up.

And finally, the opening scene: “Moooooonshine,” said Owen Wilson, sounding typically awed and random. “How great a word is ‘moonshine’? I don’t even know exactly what it is, and I’ve never seen it, but I know I want to drink it for the rest of my life. It’d probably be a good name for a dog. ‘Come here, Moonshine!’ Like an old Where the Red Fern Grows type of dog.”

The Oscar-nominated screenwriter and big-popcorn movie star was driving down Wilshire Boulevard in Santa Monica, and the talk in the car was going a lot like it does in his films. The discussion had started with, of all things, a quote from Samuel Beckett after I’d asked Owen, who is known as well-read, about a large black and white photograph of Beckett hanging in his living room.

“He wrote one of my favorite lines,” said Owen as we got into the car. “’Fail. Fail again. Fail better.’”

“What’s that from?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve never really read Beckett, but I like that line. And I really just like the photograph-all the lines on his face. You hope God looks like that.”

And from there he started rolling from his dad to Ireland to Planet of the Apes and finally to moonshine, where he ultimately got stuck.

“Moooooonshine,” he said again, letting the word roll around in his head. “Just think, if it were legal, what a good adman could do with a word like ‘moonshine.’ How is ‘water’ or ‘milk’ going to compete with something called ‘moonshine'? Orange Crush could maybe give it a run for its money but not really. It’s like ‘aaaangel dust.’ I guess its real name is PCP, but that doesn’t sound so good. ‘Angel dust’ sounds kind of wonderful. What about ‘skunk bud’? That’s not really a beautiful name, but it sounds….intriguing. I wonder why things that are so bad for you have to have such great names.”

Owen paused, realizing he’d answered his own question. I tried to bring him back down to earth. “So that’s Beckett. What about Joyce?”

“What about him?”

“Didn’t Beckett work for Joyce? I think when Joyce was going blind, Beckett was his secretary. He’d read to him and take dictation.”

“You know,” said Owen, “there’s that story about Finnegans Wake, when Beckett is taking dictation for Joyce and there was this knock on the door. Joyce heard it, but Beckett didn’t, so when Joyce says, ‘Come in,’ Beckett writes it down. Then later, when they pick back up and Beckett reads back to Joyce from the place they’d left off, Joyce asks how ‘Come in’ got in there. And Beckett says, ‘You said it.’ And Joyce decides to leave it in. He decides it would be okay for coincidence to be a collaborator. Do you know that line in Finnegans Wake?”

“In Finnegans Wake? No.”

“Neither do I. But I sure like that story. Doesn’t that sound like a great way to write?”

To the guy taking dictation, it certainly does.

[that-rock-chick]

Love Bites

Love sucks. That's pretty much common knowledge. Combine that with addiction, money, fame, and childhood trauma and you've got a recipe for disaster.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Same shit, different fucking day.

Don't ask me how I'm balancing six days a week at my job and band practice three to four days a week, because I truly have no fucking idea. I tried college but once the band formed, I cut that out of my schedule completely.

It's been about a months since the argument with Gwen and Tiffany went down and our band hasn't practiced. I tried to be sympathetic for the longest time, but it's beyond ridiculous now. Veronica, Tiffany, and I have been wanting to do band stuff but Gwen refuses because she's mad that Tiffany is dating a man SHE broke up with. It's not like Tiffany did it intentionally, and the fact that she's letting her own personal stuff interfere with our band is really pissing me off.

We've all got shit going on, but Gwen loves being a drama queen. Veronica has suggested kicking her out of the band a few times and Tiffany has echoed the same sentiment, but I don't think my patience has thinned to that extent just yet.

But it's getting there.

Young musicans aren't hard to come by, but finding someone who fits the band's sound as perfectly as Gwen's adds on a large layer of difficulty that I'm not prepared for. We'd have to start all over, teach our new singer the songs, establish chemistry...it seems exhausting and more trouble than it's worth, at least for the time being.

"Hey Julie." Dylan greeted me as I walked past, something he does whenever we work together. Sometimes it ends up being the best part of my day.

As the day progresses, I find myself smiling a lot more than I usually do. Customers are easier to deal with and a large amount of them were actually friendly. It created a light-hearted atmosphere in the restaurant that we don't get too often, unfortunately. The time seemed to fly by.

"Good luck Dylan." I said goodbye and walked out of the front door. Dylan was always there a hour before I arrived, and an hour before I left. The rest of the staff is pretty cool, but Dylan is the only one I'd consider to be a friend of mine. He's essentially the less musically inclined male version of me.

I head to our rehearsal space for the second time this week. I've extended the invitation to Gwen, as if she needs an invitation to show up to her own fucking band's rehearsal. If she doesn't show up tonight, she's out. Our time is just as important as hers and we're all tired of it being wasted.

I'm usually the first person to show up, but some days that isn't the case, like today.

"Hey." Gwen says shyly.

I give her a blank stare and proceeded to put my things down on a table nearby.

"Nice of you to finally decided to show up." I stated plainly.

"Look, I know I've missed a lot of practice and I totally understand the three of you being pissed at me, but can you please take one second to see this from my perspective?"

I couldn't help but scoff at what was coming out of Gwen's mouth. Has she seriously taken an objective look at the situation and came to the conclusion that she has a leg to stand on.

"Okay fine. You broke up with a guy, he moved onto Tiffany, you were so jealous that he wasn't falling you around like a lost puppy, and you took it out on Tiffany."

Gwen rolled her eyes but before she could speak, Tiffany and Veronica entered the room. Anger was written all over Tiffany's face, while Veronica seemed to be as cool as a cucumber.

That's one thing I've always liked about Veronica. She can keep her cool in some pretty tough situations. That's not all there is to like about her, though. She's utterly gorgeous. Her dark skin and hair that was almost always styled in an afro were truly beautiful features that I couldn't help but admire. She's beautiful, smart, talented, and has an amazing personality. She's the full package.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Tiffany wasted no time begining the screaming match we all knew was about to go down.

"We're in the same band." Gwen managed to maintain her regular tone of voice, but if I know Tiff like I think I do, and trust me, I do, she'll keep going until she sets Gwen off and then everything will go up in flames.

"Clearly the band hasn't been very high on your list of priorities for the past four weeks. Finally make time in your schedule for us, princess?" Tiffany was speaking with her genuine emotions, but part of her wanted to get a reaction out of Gwen. She knows how Gwen feels about being called "princess".

Gwen looks like she wants to say something to Tiffany that would no doubt escalate the situation even further, but she takes a deep breath and regains her composure.

"I'm sorry, okay? For everything. Julie was right, I should've maintained my professionalism above all else...and I shouldn't have put some guy over you and our friendship."

The three of us looked at Gwen semi-shocked. That girl never apologizes for anything. Instead of responding, Tiffany tells Veronica and I that she's stepping out for a smoke.

I'm not sure if we should discuss things further or let bygones be bygones, but it's not exactly my place to make that call.

Tiffany returns just as I finshed tuning my guitar and walked up to Gwen. If I didn't know Tiffany, I'd say she was going to punch Gwen in the face with the speed she was moving.

"That whole situation was fucked up, but I know how hard it is for you to apologize to people, so I forgive you." Tiffany pulls Gwen in for a hug and for the first time in awhile, things seem okay between the four of us.

"I would like to reiterate that Gwendolyn said I was right." I smiled proudly.

"Yeah, don't get used to hearing that from me."

It was nice while it lasted, at least.

Band practice turned out to be super productive, and it hasn't been that way in a long time. We got a lot of work done today and hopefully we can keep this up for awhile. We spent about 7 hours in our rehearsal space and it felt more like 5 minutes. Time really does fly when you're surrounded by positivity.

The girls and I said our goodbyes and parted ways for the night. Tiffany had mentioned that we haven't seen each other this past month like we usually do. Of course I feel bad about that, she's been my best friend for so long. But I've been spending a lot of time with the Guns N' Roses boys...Axl in particular can be a persuasive little shit when he wants to be. I've already told the guys that Tiffany's birthday is this weekend and they can't keep monopolizing my time. I need more feminine energy!

"Julie!" I hear someone call out. I recognize the voice as soon as it hits my ears.

"Hey Slash, what's up?"

Minus Izzy, I'm becoming pretty close with the members of Guns N' Roses. I just wish that man wasn't so goddamn illusive.

Slash and I walk and talk. Clearly he's decided we're hanging out tonight. I don't mind it much since Tiffany's going out with Victor tonight, Gwen is visiting her parents, and Veronica is doing god knows what, like always. So even if I wanted to make plans with someone, it's not like I had anyone else anyway.

"I don't think anyone's at the house, besides Izzy." From the way he phrased his sentence, it was a clear indication that Slash had no interest in staying at the "Hell House" with Izzy, he usually opted to spend his nights the same way he spent his days: completely wasted. It didn't matter if it was alcohol or heroin, if it got him high, he'd take it.

But this isn't about Slash. I want to see Izzy...I might have a slight obsession with a man who has never even said a single word to me, but I mean, he's absolutely gorgeous. There's something about him that keeps me drawn to him and I'm determined to figure out what it is. No matter how long it takes me.

"Then let's go to the house."

Before Slash can process what I said so he could say no, I grab him by the arm and run as fast as I possibly can while dragging a grown man behind me. It only takes about 15 seconds of running before I realized, Slash in tow or not, I'm very out of shape. I'm running out of breath, determined to get to the band's house. I'll be wheezing all the way down Sunset Boulevard and trying to convince myself it's worth it by the time we get there. But knowing me, it won't.

We enter the house and lo and behold...

Izzy isn't there. Despite me struggling to breathe, the look of defeat plasters my face and Slash starts laughing his ass off.

"Izzy's out working, I just wanted to see how you'd react. Sure didn't think you'd go runnin to our house, though." Slash manages to get out through his fit of hysterical laughter.

"Slash! Why the hell would you do that?"

"Because I know you like him. I got the confirmation I needed. Just wait until I tell Duff!" Slash heads for the stairs, but I grab his arm before he starts his ascent.

"You cannot tell Duff." I tell him seriously.

"He can't tell Duff what?" Duff appears from the kitchen

"And why are you out of breath? And why are you holding Slash's arm?"

"She totally likes Izzy, dude. I told her that he was here and she dragged me through the streets. We almost got hit by like, 5 cars."

My shocked face slowly twists into a look of confusion as Duff rolls his eyes, pulls out his wallet, and hands Slash a 20 dollar bill.

"Dude, you guys bet on whether I liked Izzy or not?" I was part shocked, part confused, and part mortified that my crush on Izzy was that obvious. Izzy seems like a smart man, so I couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of him knowing and not talking to me because I'm a weird chick who likes him without even knowing anything about him.

"Yeah, and now I'm out 20 bucks because you can't control your goddamn hormones." Duff says in mock frustration. I ignore his joke as the overthinking sets in further.

"Does...does he know?"

"Nah. The man's pretty oblivious, plus he doesn't pay much attention to anything except drugs, work, and music. It's fine." Duff reassures me.

Then Izzy walks in. The three of us get quiet when he shuts the door behind him. He looked at the guys then looks me up and down. He then looks back up at my face like he's done several times before, but this time he doesn't look away when our eyes meet, not immediately, at least. I feel my heart start beating a mile a minute at the momentary eye contact and feel myself longing for it again when it breaks.

He nods his head and walks up the stairs. I guess his first words to me will have to wait another day.

"What does Izzy do for work?" I ask, to no one in particular.

"He's a drug dealer." Duff replies nonchalantly.

I don't know how to respond to that, so I don't. Slash and Duff have their own conversation and I find myself wondering what kind of person Izzy is. I don't know what to think. All I know is he's a damn good musician, an equally gifted writer, and a drug dealer.

Who the hell is Izzy Stradlin?

[howaminotinthestrokesyet]

Where Have They Gone Now: Izzy Stradlin

Born Jeffrey Dean Isbell, the future guitar player for Guns N’ Roses was born and grew up in Lafayette, Indiana. He always held a fondness for the small-town life in Indiana. “It was cool growing up there. There's a courthouse and a college, a river and railroad tracks. It's a small town, so there wasn't much to do. We rode bikes, smoked pot, got into trouble—it was pretty Beavis and Butt-Head actually." His first instrument turned out to be the drums because his paternal grandmother played in a swing jazz band. Izzy started his first band in high school with a group of friends including a young man named William Bailey, who later became Axl Rose. Stradlin would later recall his first impression of Rose. “We were long-haired guys in high school. You were either a jock or a stoner. We weren't jocks, so we ended up hanging out together. We'd play covers in the garage. There were no clubs to play at, so we never made it out of the garage." He would go on to actually become the only member of GNR to graduate high school with a D average. Upon graduation, the future rhythm guitarist moved to Los Angeles in 1980.

Upon his arrival in LA, Stradlin joined the group, Naughty Women. During their first show, audience members began assaulting the band as they played. Izzy would later recall the incident. “I just grabbed a cymbal stand and stood on the side trying to fend them off, yelling, 'Get the fuck away from me, man!' That was my introduction to the rock scene in L.A." After two months, he left Naughty Women to join the punk band, The Atoms, which was short lived. During his time in that group, his drum kit was stolen, so Stradlin switched to the bass guitar. In 1983, he joined with Axl Rose to form the group, Hollywood Rose. They would go on to record a five song demo, but they eventually disbanded. He had a short stint with Sunset Strip local favorite London before reuniting with Hollywood Rose. In March 1985, they added more members to Hollywood Rose to become Guns N’ Roses.

As Guns N’ Roses began work on a first album, Stradlin emerged as the key songwriter for the album, Appetite For Destruction. He held a co-writer credit for almost every track on the album. At the time, this might have surprised some people as Izzy had garnered the reputation as a go to guy for really good heroin. He had become quite the addict himself as well. Yet, the guitarist was still able to function as a member of Guns N’ Roses at a very high level. In the band’s follow up EP, Lies, Stradlin also contributed by helping to write the track, “Patience.” Yet, the good times quickly went bad for the guitarist, when he was given probation for a year for urinating in the aisle of an airplane. This led him to making the decision to get sober going home to Indiana to detox from drugs and alcohol. Upon his return to the band, things were not quite the same. In 1991, Guns N’ Roses released Use Your Illusion I and II. The group was probably at the height of its fame during this time. Stradlin shocked the music world when following its release, he quit the band. His last performance with the band was in late August of that year at Wembley Stadium. He received songwriting credits for 10 songs on the new albums. In interviews, he would go on to say that he did not want to deal with the band drama any longer, but more specifically the antics of one Axl Rose. Another issue was the fact that other band members were trying to pay him less in royalties. “Once I quit drugs, I couldn't help looking around and asking myself, 'Is this all there is?' I was just tired of it; I needed to get out."

Following his surprising exit from Guns N’ Roses, Izzy Stradlin returned to his home town of Lafayette, Indiana. It was here that he began writing and recording new music. He formed the band Izzy Stradlin and the Juju Hounds, which included members of the Georgia Satellites and Broken Homes. Their first album, self titled, was released in October 1992. In the Rolling Stone review, they said it was a “thoroughly winning solo debut.” The band played their first show at the Avalon in Chicago that September. In May 1993, Stradlin would return to Guns n’ Roses to fill in for his replacement, Gilby Clark, who had an injured wrist. After that ended, Stradlin returned to the Juju Hounds for a tour of Japan. He would then take time off from any music-related projects.

In 1995, the guitarist began working on material for a new solo album. The album would not be released until 1998. Duff McKagan formerly of Guns N’ Roses played on the album. Much like his album with the Juju Hounds, Stradlin did absolutely nothing to promote the album. He would not do any interviews, no tour, and for the most part tried as hard as he could to stay out of the public eye. This was his last album with Geffen, as they dropped him from the label because he did not sell very many records. In December 1999, Stradlin released his third solo album, Ride on on the Universal Victor label. This time he would actually play four live shows to promote the album. Stradlin and his band would go on to record two additional albums, River in 2001, and On Down the Road in 2002. The latter album was a Japan only release. Around that time, he was asked by former bandmates, Duff McKagan, Slash, and Matt Sorum to join the supergroup Velvet Revolver. In the end, he decided not to join because of his dislike for life on the road and collaborating with a lead singer. Though, he did contribute to some early songs.

In the next few years, Stradlin turned out to be quite prolific in the release of new material. He released solo albums in 2005, 2007, 2008, and 2009. In 2012, Izzy was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as part of Guns N’ Roses. He released a statement thanking various people, but did not attend the induction ceremony. Stradlin would join Guns N’ Roses for a few shows later that year, but the guitarist ultimately decided not to return full-time. One of the sticking points was salary for the concerts not being split equally. He might have been offered guest appearances, but he would have declined those as well. Since then, Stradlin has only released a few singles and played guitar on a John Mellencamp album in 2017.

Izzy Stradlin is one of the most unique stories in the history of rock and roll music. Here is a guy, who walked away from fame, money, adulation, and did not think twice about it. He still lives in Lafayette, Indiana remaining a bit of a recluse to this day. The only time you hear from him is upon the release of any new music. Yet, it is interesting because you never hear him, but instead the only time you hear him talk at all is probably in his lyrics. In 2016, people did make a big deal out of the fact that he had joined Twitter. Stradlin has since deleted that account. The guitarist felt that the royalties he would earn for the rest of his life because of one album was good enough for him. Over the years, people had said that he was the coolest dude they have ever met in their entire life. Nothing ever phased him at all. I would say that is fairly accurate. Izzy Stradlin walked away from Guns N’ Roses and didn’t give a fuck what anybody thought about it.

[mickmarstookmyheart]

Family Tour pt 2

Pairing: Mick Mars X Reader

Summary: (Y/N) is pretty worn-out. Some fluff moments at the beach, rehearsals and John being John?

"(Y/N)! Hey, are you even listening?" Vince asked when you barely said a word since he sat down to your table in the café of the hotel. You were supporting your head with your hand and stirring your coffee.

"What? Oh, sorry, Vinnie. What did you say?" You murmured.

"That I and the guys will go to a bar tonight so don't look for us. And what is going on with you? You look horrible."

"Thanks. You are being very kind, as always. I didn't expect anything else. And to answer to your outgoing tonight, I don't care, to be honest. At least, you will damage the rooms there and not here."

"You have serious problems, (Y/N). Go and have some sleep cause you look like who hasn't slept in 3 days." He was almost right. You slept an hour or two last night. And less the previous one. You had dark circles under your eyes and your eyes were crimson red. When you didn't react anything, Vince stood up and bend down next to you. "I'm worried about you. Take care." He placed a soft kiss on your cheek to assure you about what he said and left the café. You were happy that someone was worried about you, though this fact couldn't help your situation. The tour and the fact that John could appear at any time made you exhausted and worn-out. The constant worrying and stress just beat you.

You were reading the daily news and sipping your coffee when you heard a little yell. You lifted your head and saw Zoe and Mick, hand in hand approaching you. Zoe let Mick's hand and rushed to you as you spread your arms wide.

"Good morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?" You asked while picking her up and sat her on your knees. You rested your chin on her shoulders and filled your lungs with the scent of her hair and clothes. You smiled when she snuggled closer to you.

"Yes, mommy. And imagine I had a marvelous dream!" She said while she gesticulated.

"Really? And will you tell me?" You asked tickling her belly. In the meantime, Mick took the seat which Vince sat on before and was gazing at you and your daughter with pure love.

"No." She shook her head.

"And why not?"

"Daddy said that if I tell you then it won't happen. And I want this to happen." You raised an eyebrow to Mick who just shrugged but the corner of his mouth lifted.

"I see. Then I hope it will come true." You kissed the top of her head and hugged her tight. She was one of the reasons you didn't get mad. You tried to keep your promise to Mick that you won't neglect her, even it wasn't your intention on the first day. As Mick was peering you and Zoe, he noticed the small details of your look. He hated that you looked this bad, and he respected you the most. He somehow had a bad feeling though. You won't bear this long, even if you are a though person. Zoe's eyes lit up when Neil and Elizabeth appeared in the room, too, along with Heather and Tommy.

"Sorry, guys for disturbing." Heather started. "Just these two little troublemakers wanted to see Zoe. Is it a problem if I bring her with us?"

"You never disturb Heather. And I don't know what would I do without you, to be honest. And where are you going?"

"Just McDonald's to grab some food. Neil has been nagging me that he wants to eat burgers for two days." You just shook your head at the kid who just giggled. Your brows drew together.

"Would you mind if we join, too?"

∆

Heather, Tommy, and Vince's children were sitting in the backseat of the car while Mick drove and Zoe in your lap. Joan Jett's I Love Rock 'n' Roll was played on the radio, and you all sang along with it. Tommy's voice was pretty annoying but you laughed whenever he tried the high notes. Zoe played her air guitar earning a chuckle from Mick. You shared a look with him, he was happy that you spent some time with him and your daughter. Even if it was just a morning.

"There it is!" Neil screamed as he saw the restaurant. Mick drove in the drive-through and stopped by the window.

"Good morning, sir. What can I get you?" The lady asked preparing a note to jot down your order.

"Just a black coffee," Mick said earning a confused look from the worker and a big boo from you and the others. He was smirking but leaned out of the window to tell the rest of the order. When you got your food he didn't stop, instead, he jammed the car and headed towards the beach. The children yelled from the sudden speed but enjoyed every minute of it.

"Yes, dude!" Tommy screamed patting Mick's shoulder. When you arrived there you opened the back of the car and sat inside while consuming your food. Heather and Tommy sat on the top of the car watching the waves crashing the coast. It was a dazzling summer day with a vivid blue sky and a light breeze coming from the ocean. When the kids finished they ran down and started to build a fort from the sand. You leaned your head on Mick's shoulder as he placed a soft kiss on your forehead. You hummed and closed your eyes from the touch and intertwined your fingers.

"You know, I could get used to this pretty easily." Mick sighed. "Don't you think, Mrs. Mars?" He playfully pushed your shoulders with his.

"Me, too, Mr. Mars." You wanted nothing else than to stay there, watching the ocean, listening, and watching the kids playing around and staying this close to Mick. Though, you would happily leave out the moans from Tommy and Heather from the top of the car.

∆

However, you would stay much longer down the beach, the show must go on. Time for concerts, to prepare everything for everyone. To make sure the bands won't need to worry about anything, not that they were so stressed anytime.

"Hey, (Y/N), give me that bottle!" Nikki demanded. He looked fucked up, he was doing drugs as much as he could, not giving a damn about his well-being.

"Get it for yourself." Does using the word 'please' is this hard? You mumbled and kept filling in documents. The band just finished their rehearsal and it was time for Guns N Roses.

"Don't be this bitchy." Nikki grunted as he went backstage, probably to have a bump again.

"Don't listen to him," Vince noted as he jumped down from the stage next to you. 

"Anyway, you look much better. And thanks, for treating Neil and Elizabeth as if they were yours. I appreciate it."

"Well, I feel better. But it's only a matter of time until someone pisses me off. And anytime, Vinnie. They are great kids."

"You are great, (Y/N)." He said while he was walking backward, accidentally bumping into Axl.

"Watch where you are going." They shared a not so friendly look. They weren't fond of each other from the very beginning, but you couldn't recall why. What is just pride? Or the media? "Here is our favorite temporary manager," Axl smirked and pulled you a sideways hug until the rest of the band also turned up. Steven looked much better, luckily. Duff, Slash, and Izzy greeted you with a big smile as they walked on the stage and were ready to tune. In the morning you had to ask at least 10 times to start playing music for the other band whereas you didn't need to say a word.

"So have you decided what songs will you play?" You asked putting down your papers and sitting down on the ground.

"Of course. Here are the lyrics if you want." Axl handed you a pile of papers. 

"They are in that order, I think."

"Thank you so much. Then you can start if you want." You winked. The guys started with 'Welcome to the Jungle' which wasn't your favorite from them but you must add it was a pretty rad song. When it was time for 'Paradise City' you couldn't help but stand up, danced, and sang along with Axl. At the end of the song, you heard a light chuckle and someone clearing one's throat. You looked in the direction and saw Doc and John standing by the stage.

"Wow, (Y/N), I haven't seen you like this," John said. You folded your arms and tried to calm down. When he was approaching you along with Doc, your jaws tightened. "Hello, guys." He waved at the boys on the stage.

"Hey, man." Steve greeted your ex with a bit much happiness in his voice. Duff immediately elbowed him in the stomach to shut him up.

"Popcorn, he is the one who beat (Y/N). Don't be kind to him." He whispered in his ear.

"Then, not hello, you bastard." He mumbled while trying to breathe again. John lowered his head but you could see that he was smirking. This man creeped the hell out of you.

"Hey, (Y/N)." Your answer was a nod but didn't say a word.

"I think we are leaving. We don't want to disturb anything." Axl spoke up but John turned to him.

"Don't need to. Just wanted to say a few words to (Y/N)." He shoved his hands in his pockets while waiting for your reaction.

"Doc, can you please help the guys if they need anything?"

"Of course. And scream if you need anything." He patted your back and watched your steps until you were out of sight.

"So what is it?" You asked staying as far as possible.

"I just wanted to thank you. Again. I don't how you are doing this but it can't be easy for you."

"Well, I'm doing all these struggles for Zoe. Not for you and not even for me. My daughter's happiness is the most important to me. If it means to see you for a few times then let it be. Now go and visit her before I will drop you out with one of the guards." You tried to joke.

∆

"Joan Jett or Lita Ford?" Duff asked while taking a sip from his vodka. Both bands along with Heather, Vanity and you were sitting in a room backstage. Only a couple of minutes remained until the start of the concert. You were sitting in Mick's lap, his hands resting on your thighs.

"Lita," Nikki said earning a glare from Vanity. You chuckled cause you knew that once they dated in the early 80s. Your smile faded when Doc ranted in the room.

"Guns N Roses! It's time to go. Including you, little miss. No time for resting and laugh." Doc snapped with his usual attitude. You sighed as Mick pecked your lips and slapped on your thighs playfully.

"Don't hook up with some groupie while I'm gone!" You smirked and followed the other band before Doc closed the door.

"So, (Y/N)... " Slash walked back to you. "Joan Jett or Lita Ford?"

"I'm curious, too," Axl yelled.

"Come on, (Y/N)! Be honest." Duff added. It's easy to say.

"Don't tell us that you haven't even been with a girl." Slash laughed seeing your facial expression.

"Leave her alone!" Izzy spoke up. Sometimes you were thinking that how he and Mick looked and behaved alike.

"Maybe if you behave well, I will tell ya after the concert." You grinned and pushed the guitarist on the stage.

It was the band's first big tour and though most of the fans came to see Mötley you could see many transparent with the name of the band, the logo, and even the name of the members, mostly Axl's.

"Hello, kid," Doc said placing his hand on your shoulder. "Sorry to drag you out here. I just wanted to avoid them to piss you off. I know that you are quite moody nowadays."

"How kind is everyone nowadays." You hummed.

"I meant it. And I saw how much you got along with these guys." He gestured towards the stage just at the moment Axl looked at the both of you. He winked and kept singing the song. "I was wondering..."

"No. Thank you, Doc but no. Don't matter how much can they chase me to hell with their behavior, I won't ever leave them. They are my boys." You looked up at Doc.

"Alright. I won't push anything." He winked.

∆

"It was pretty rad, man!" Tommy yelled as he high-fived with another band who was just running down from the stage.

"Thanks, man," Steven said with a big smile.

"Thanks for preparing the crowd for the real concert." Vince laughed.

"Vinnie!" You snapped. "That wasn't nice."

"Don't bother, (Y/N). It doesn't worth it." Axl murmured sending the other singer death glares. You just shook your head how they can't tolerate each other. Mick arrived, too along with Nikki and Zoe sitting on the bassist's shoulders. "Hello, little one."

"Steven!" Zoe giggled as Nikki put her down on the ground.

"Betrayal. We haven't seen each other for 3 hours and the first person she wants is you." You chuckled folding your arms.

"It's not his fault that he looks this adorable," Duff added as he squeezed Steven's cheeks, making him blush. You held your hand over your mouth not to laugh, but seeing the other guys' looks it was pretty hard.

"Alright, guys. Let's go." Vince broke the awkward silence and ran on the stage.

"Break a leg! "You screamed before they were on the stage.

They guys played one or two songs before John appeared. He stood next to you but kept the distance.

"What are you doing here?"

"I don't really like those guys now but that doesn't mean I hate their songs, too." He chuckled.

"Sorry. I'm not at my very best nowadays." You murmured kicking in a stone.

"No worry. And I kinda get it. Being a manager for one band can be exhausted. Not to mention two bands. You are doing great." He stated while looking at you with a shy smile.

"Thank you." You answered.

"By the way, Zoe is pretty obsessed with the other band. Especially with that blondie guy with a cheerful smile."

"You mean Steven. And yes. She is quite a lucky fan." You snickered. "She always gets the attention she wants."

"I could imagine. She did the same at your office back in the days."

"Yeah." You smiled thinking back when Zoe came and all of your colleagues came and played with her. "But she feels home here, in this environment. She has quite a taste in music, too. She is a true rocker."

"I hoped so. Anyway, I wanted to ask something. Would you mind if I take Zoe with me for the night? I had my room in the same hotel as you. So she won't be far."

"Alright."

∆

"Be right back. I will just go and have a look on Zoe." You told Mick as you stood up from the couch in the hall of the hotel.

"Alright. Kiss her instead of me." He added.

"Sure." You headed towards the lift and press the button as you stepped in. There was no one in the hallway due to the time. It was almost 8 pm. When you arrived at the room you lightly knocked on the door. A few minutes later, John opened the door.

"Hey, (Y/N). What's up?"

"Sorry for disturbing. I just wanted to say goodnight to Zoe. Can I come in?" You asked.

"Of course." He invited you into the room and closed the door.

"Where is she?" You inquired when you looked around and couldn't find her.

"I'm sorry, (Y/N). But you didn't make things easier." He said just before he hit you in the face so hard you collapsed on the ground and lost consciousness.

∆

Next Part

Tags: @leatherandheels @karrotkate and @littlemisscare-all 💛

I hope it's okay 💛

[ubernoxa]

The Dare: A Guns N’ Roses FanFic

Chapter 22: A Pill

Taglist: @queen-crue @gingerspicetalks

(Masterlist)

Delilah felt out of place as she stood next to Duff as he spoke to someone at the party. Delilah felt as if she was constantly in the way as people kept shoving behind her to get around the party.

The girls at the party were gorgeous. Their hair was wild, their makeup was stunning, their clothing was tight, and their heels were high. Part of Delilah felt like most of them stepped right out of a rock magazine.

“Yeah nice talkin to ya dude,” Duff guided Delilah away from whoever they were talking to and towards the drink tables, or what was left of the table.

“You okay?” Duff was barely auditable over the loud music.

“Yeah, just out of drink,” Delilah lied as she flipped her drink upside down.

Duff saw right through her lie. She didn’t want to be here. She had been quiet for the past half hour and just smiled and laughed when the others did. He decided to shrug it off. If Delilah really had a problem, she would bring it up. He wondered if it was because they were interrupted earlier. Maybe she was disappointed they didn’t have sex? Duff sighed and replied, “well I can easily fix that” A false smile filled his face.

She took the drink from him and practically chugged it hoping to get rid of the memories of her brothers and sisters out of her head.

“Heeeeey guys,” Tommy joined the pair as he wrapped his arms around them.

“Y’all fuckers look so good together! Like fuck man. Y’all are cute. Did y’all enjoy your fuck?” Delilah’s face went white. She almost looked as a ghost as Tommy spoke.

“Thanks man, and nah, fucking Axl got in the way with those damn interviews!” Duff shouted back not noticing how uncomfortable Delilah was. How was he talking this causally? She wondered if this was normal behavior? Do they all just talk about the girls they fucked? It’s so that’s utterly repulsive, she thought to herself. Some things were meant to stay private. It was in that moment Delilah turned her head when she heard a load moan come from across the apartment.

Jesus Fucking Christ, what type of fresh hell did she get herself into?

She quickly looked away when she saw what the commotion was about. A woman was squatted on the ground sucking Nikki’s dick. Delilah quickly chugged her drink and refilled it. Were these the people Duff associated himself with? Was this what Duff wanted? Was he mad at her for having sex with her?

“Nah Axl’s just jealous cause he is fucking a bitch right now,” Tommy noticed Delilah’s uncomfortably with EVERYTHING that was going on in the room. Part of him wondered how the hell he got into this mess.

“I lik ur dress,” Tommy commented bringing Delilah back into the conversation.

“Thanks, I’m quickly realizing that I’m overdressed, but hey fuck it,” Delilah shrugged. Did she say fuck to try to fit in? Yes, and it felt unnatural as she said it.

Tommy and Duff laughed and Tommy quickly grabbed his drink and left.

“You sure you’re feeling okay?” Duff turned to Delilah. She was off.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask,” she quickly responded in a cheerful tone.

He shrugged and added, “You seem off.”

“Yeah, I guess I’m still getting used to all of this,” Delilah motioned towards that packed room of people.

Duff understood exactly what she meant. Everything can be a little much sometimes, but there was always a way to make it disappear.

He motioned towards her to follow him to the bathroom. Not to fuck, but to give her something that would calm her edge.

“Thanks I feel like I can actually think again,” Delilah smiled to Duff as she spoke. Despite the bathroom spelling like horse shit and trash covering the floor, Delilah already felt a little at ease.

Duff sent Delilah a reassuring smile and dug into his pockets only stopping to pull out a small baggie with a couple pills. Izzy had given them to him a while back to help him, maybe they could help Delilah too.

Fuck. Delilah was frozen and watched every single movement. Did Duff do drugs? Did the rest of the band?

“I get the same way. It’s just too much. Kinda like you’re drowning and just want to escape,” Duff’s soft tone echoed through Delilah’s entire body. She felt a relief flowing through her as he spoke. Thank God he wasn’t mad at her.

“These help. They are almost like a life preserver for me. If everything ever gets too much, these help,” Duff watched Delilah’s face as he spoke. He knew coming from a religious house that she was most likely taught that drugs were a huge no. Izzy had actually warned him about that, and the fact that he should go slow with her. God it was fucking hard to go slow with her.

“What are they?”

“It’s not coke if that’s what you’re asking. Delilah it will help, or if you want we can go home,” Delilah’s heart sunk when he said those words. She knew he was having a great time, but he would leave just for her.

She looked at the white pill in his hand and picked it up.

She heard her mother’s words screaming at her from the back of her brain. Lecturing her on how she is winning and being a disgrace. She quickly silenced those voices.

At least it wasn’t coke? And Duff had been doing him and he was fine. What’s the worst that could happen?

She popped the pill in her mouth and swallowed earning a reassuring look Duff.

“If you don’t feel right, tell me. We will head home right away,” Delilah nodded feeling comfortable by his presence.

The two left the bathroom and time quickly flew by. Delilah was ever grateful that Duff was always by her side and refilling her drink.

“Have you seen Del?” Mags began to ask around to see if anyone had seen the brunette.

It didn’t take long until she accidentally bumped into Vince who was currently talking up some girl, who Mags was grateful wasn’t Delilah.

“Heard you’re looking for the brunette with the curly hair.” Mags felt immediately felt uncomfortable by his tone. Was he mocking her?

“Drew right? You’re one of the guys who interviewed me earlier,” Vince knew he recognized the guy who was with Mags.

“Yeah,” Drew’s response was blunt as he spoke.

“I was wondering why you wanted to interview Guns N’ Roses, but now it makes sense,” Vince smirked as he spoke. So Mags was fucking for interviews for her brother’s band, points for creativity.

“Fuck off Barbie,” Mags said before trying to leave.

“Watch your whore mouth,” Vince blocked her path making her stop in her tracks.

“I can say the same to you. How’s your girlfriend doing Vinny?” Mags mocked the blonde.

“Where’s Heather? She was a really good fuck a few months back or is she currently in the bathroom fucking thats red headed singer again?” The second Vince mentioned Mag’s old friend’s name, Mags lunged at Vince. She wanted to beat his Barbie face until he wasn’t recognizable. HOW DARE HE BRING HER UP. Steven quickly broke up his younger sister’s fight, if you could call it that. All she did was lunge at him before he could pull her back.

Steven knew this fight wouldn’t end well for his little sister.

“What the fuck is going on?” Nikki’s voice cut through the room as he pushed through the crowd of people.

“We should leave,” Duff whispered into Delilah’s ear. Duff guided Delilah out of the apartment which turned into him wrapping his arm around Delilah’s waist, dragging her out.

He didn’t mind as she giggled and played with his hair. She was completely oblivious that Mags had just almost gotten into a fight.

“Rosie,” Delilah mumbled as she stumbled over towards Axl as Duff and her made it down the fire escape that had become the main entrance.

Delilah gave him a hug and asked, “R...u...okayyyyyy?”

“Yeah I’m doing good, Del,” he laughed back at her.

“Let’s go stand by Duff okay?” Axl guided her back to Duff and immediately asked him, “is she high?”

“Yup,” Duff chuckled back watching as Delilah danced around to the music that was leaking out of the Crue’s apartment.

“That’s adorable,” he pulled out a smoke and offered on to Duff who immediately took one.

“So what happened? All I saw was Stevie pulling Mags away from someone,” Duff asked Axl watched Delilah who was still dancing.

“Her and Vince got into a fight about something, probably about Heather,” Duff nodded at Axl’s words.

“Honestly, sometimes I wonder who has a shorter fuse, me or her,” Axl asked earning a chuckle from Duff.

“Well last Motley party, you were the reason we had to leave, and this time it’s her fault. You’re tied, so next time we come here we will see which one of you is worse,” Duff teased back.

“Sometimes she is more trouble than she is worth,” Axl’s words were blunt as he spoke about Mags.

“What do you mean?”

“Yeah she is Steven’s younger sister, I get that. If she keeps doing shit like this then what’s the point of bringing her. We can’t make enemies with other bands. She is trouble,” Axl said loud enough just for Duff to hear.

“Look who is calling the kettle black. Axl let I remind you that you once again you caused the fight before this one that made us leave,” Duff was done with Axl’s bullshit.

“I only started that fight because Nikki was flirting with Dell and you were too drunk to realize it,” Axl snapped back.

“I was just watching over my band,” Axl added.

“Fuck, thanks then,” Duff added. Every part of him wanted to run upstairs and punch Sixx’s stupid smirk off his face, but he knew now wasn’t the time to do it.

“You’re my bandmasters, we may not seem eye to eye, but I got your back...and your girl’s back,” he added pointing over towards Delilah.

Duff wasn’t used to this side of Axl, but he was great duo when Axl shoes this side of him.

“Thanks. I got yours too..and Trixy’s,” Duff replies back,

Before Axl could say thanks Slash and Izzy came down the fire escape to join them.

“She high?” Slash asked watching Delilah dance around.

“Yup!” Axl added.

Izzy shot Duff a glare who immediately shrugged. Izzy gave him the pills to use, and he used them. He wanted to know what the hell Duff was thinking.

Slash walked over towards Delilah to real her back into the group and within seconds, a very pissed bother and sister joined them.

“Fuck off! I don’t need to hear this shit from you!” Mags yelled at her brother before she began to storm home.

“Where is that guy she was with?” Izzy asked looking over at Steven.

“He is making nice with Crue, let’s go,” Steven said.

“Mags?” Delilah asked as Duff guided her back to his apartment.

“She went home, it’s best to leave her alone when she is like this,” he replied.

“I neeeeed Mags,” everyone froze when they heard Delilah’s tone change. She sounded desperate.

“Del,” Duff’s tone was sympathetic. She was drunk and high and he wanted to be there for her when she sobered.

“Mags,” Delilah pushes herself away from Duff and began walking towards Mags.

Duff groaned and followed Delilah towards Mag’s place.

It was going to be a long night.

[the--blackdahlia]

It’s So Easy (And Other Lies) Chapter 18

Title: It’s So Easy (And Other Lies) Chapter 18

Summary: Stevie Adler likes Duff McKagan. She has for a while now, but she is convinced Duff doesn’t like her that way. Duff likes Stevie, but so does their new bandmate Axl Rose.

Chapter Warnings: Language, angst

AN: Thank you for all the feedback!

“Shit! Stevie!”

Duff heard Izzy call out and he turned around. The last thing he expected to see was his wife on the ground. Izzy was kneeling next to her, trying to wake her up as Duff ran over.

“I’ll get help!” Dizzy took off while Slash and Axl headed with Duff.

“Stevie?” Duff was quickly at her side, fear gripping him as he saw her closed eyes. “Stevie!” She groaned and her eyes fluttered open. “Babe, are you with me?”

“Duff?” She looked up at him. Dizzy had come back with the EMT’s as Stevie slowly sat up. The EMT’s did a quick check before they helped her off the floor and sat her in a chair to give her a more intensive check to see if she needed to go to the hospital. That included asking her different questions.

“Name?”

“Stevie McKagan.” The EMT gave her a weird look. “Adler is my stage name.” The EMT’s nodded.

“Are you on any drugs or have you been drinking?”

“No.”

“When was the last time you ate?”

“I had some salad last night.”

“Are you pregnant?”

“Yes.”

Duff’s mouth dropped open as he stared at his wife. Everyone stared at the drummer.

“Wait, what?” Axl asked, not sure if he had heard her right. “You’re pregnant?” Stevie nodded, not finding the words at the moment.

“Okay Mrs. McKagan, I think it would be best if you went to the hospital for an examination,” The EMT told her. “We want to make sure that you and your baby are both okay.” Stevie sighed.

“Okay,” She agreed. She didn’t have to look up from the spot that she was staring at to know that her bandmates were still staring at her. The EMT’s helped her into the ambulance and sat her on the gurney. She sat there, waiting for the doors to close, but someone climbed into the ambulance with her. She looked up to see Duff getting in and taking his seat. “Duff?”

“I’m not letting you go by yourself,” He told her, looking up at her. “What kind of husband would I be?”

“Are you mad?” Stevie asked, keeping her voice low. Duff’s eyes softened when he saw how upset she was.

“I’m upset you didn’t tell me, but I’m not mad,” He shook his head and held her hand. She finally looked up at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I found out a couple days ago,” Stevie explained. “And we were all so busy and excited about the festival. I thought it could wait until after.” Duff kissed her hand.

“I love you,” He told her, a smile spreading on his face. “And we’re going to be parents.”

They got to the hospital and were placed in a room in the ER so they could run Stevie’s blood and make sure everything was okay. As they waited, Stevie fidgeted a little, her anxiety off the charts at this point. Duff watched her.

“Are you okay?” He asked. She nodded, but Duff could tell something was wrong. “What is it?”

“Just thinking,” She told him. “I...I think that if everything’s okay with the baby, it would probably be best if I stepped down.”

“Stepped down?” He asked, a little confused until he realized what she meant. “From the band?”

“Yeah,” She told him. “It’s not fair to you guys to put things on hold because of me.”

“Babe…”

“The band means everything to you guys,” Stevie told him. “And I don’t want to ruin it.” Duff sighed and ran a hand down his face.

“If that’s what you want,” He nodded. “I just...I don’t like it.”

“I know, but if everything goes smoothly, I could come back,” She gave him a smile. “And there are a ton of drummers out there who are better than me.”

“That’s a lie,” He sighed and stood up to kiss her temple. “But I’ll stand by your decision sweetheart.” He cupped her face and smiled at her.

Duff had just sat back down when the doctor came in with a clipboard that had Stevie’s file. They looked up as the woman smiled at them. Duff’s hand quickly found Stevie’s and he gave it a squeeze.

“Hi Mr. and Mrs. McKagan,” She greeted them. “We did your bloodwork and you are in fact pregnant. And it seems that the cause of your fainting was low blood sugar.”

“Like from not eating?” Duff asked, casting a look over at his wife.

“That’s right,” The doctor nodded. “And that combined with stress put a lot of strain on your body. So, I highly recommend taking it easy, relaxing as much as you can.” She flipped through the pages. “I also want you to make an appointment with your family doctor when you get home and get a referral for an obstetrician.”

“A what?” Duff asked.

“OB/GYN,” The doctor smiled. “Other than that, I say mom and baby are both okay, as long as you eat at consistent times. Don’t be afraid to let your body feel cravings sweetie.”

“Okay,” Stevie nodded. “Thank you.” The doctor nodded and soon a nurse was coming in to discharge Stevie. Duff helped her off the bed and walked with her, an arm wrapped around her shoulders. As they made their way towards the entrance, they saw four familiar people sitting in the waiting room. Izzy was on one side, putting space between himself and the others, with Slash and Dizzy sitting between him and Axl. Slash knew everything that had happened between the rhythm guitarist and frontman at the McKagan wedding, and he was trying to help Izzy out the best he could.

“What are you guys doing here?” Duff asked with a laugh when he saw the rest of the band.

“Stevie faints, we’re going to the hospital,” Axl told him, nodding at his own statement.

“How is everything?” Izzy watched the couple for signs of distress.

“Well, I am pregnant,” Stevie told them. “And I had low blood sugar from not eating.”

“But the baby and you are okay?” Dizzy asked this time. Stevie smiled and nodded. He stood up and hugged prompting the others to do the same.

“We gotta get to the airport,” Axl told them after he hugged the drummer. “You should take a day off to relax before we get to the studio.” Stevie looked up at Duff, communicating to her husband without speaking. Talking about waiting until they were back to LA to let them know that she wasn’t going to be returning as the drummer. Duff wrapped an arm around her for support.

“Let’s go home guys,” Duff told them as they left the hospital, heading for the airport.

****

“What are you doing?” Duff asked the next day. They had went straight to the condo, hiding in their bedroom while Slash went to talk to his girlfriend and play with his snakes, threatening Princess Peach every time he growled that he was going to feed the pug to them. Today, Slash had went out, leaving the McKagan’s alone. The condo was quiet for the most part, outside of Stevie rifling through some papers.

“I have a friend that might be interested in taking my place,” Stevie told Duff, smiling to herself when she found the piece of paper that she needed. “He’s really good. Slash and I saw him play with the Cult not too long ago.”

“Are you sure you want this babe?” Duff asked. “We can tell Axl to fuck himself and just let you have a break.”

“He’ll just fire me. I’d rather quit on my own terms,” Stevie explained. She sighed and picked up the phone, holding up the flyer that had the phone number on the back. “He gave Slash his number and told him if he ever wanted to jam, just give him a call.”

“Sure he didn’t give his number to you?” Duff teased. He knew that plenty of people found Stevie hot. He was sure that at least three fourths of Motley Crue did, as well as other people who played on the strip. Stevie just rolled her eyes at him.

“I was lucky enough to fool you into marrying me. I don’t think I could pull in anyone else. My magic is depleted,” She kissed his cheek before dialing the number. It rang a few times before someone finally picked up.

“Hello?”

“Matt? It’s Stevie,” She told him. “Slash’s friend.”

“Oh! Hey Stevie!” Matt laughed. “What do I owe this phone call to?”

“Well, I have it under good authority that a drummer position is going to be opening up in a big band,” She explained. “And I thought you’d want a crack at it.”

“Depends. What band?” Matt asked. Stevie sighed and looked at Duff.

“Guns n’ Roses,” She told him. There was silence on the other end.

“Are you and Slash fucking with me?” He asked. “Because you’re the drummer.”

“No one is fucking with you Matt,” Stevie told him. “I’m quitting. It’s a long story but I’m going to tell them tomorrow and set you up with them so they can seamlessly continue moving.”

“You’re husband’s not gonna kill me for wanting your spot, is he?” Matt asked, a little nervous.

“Duff’s not gonna kill you unless you start acting like a certain redhead we know,” Stevie assured him. “I’ll have Slash call you and set up a day to come play for them.”

“Okay. Well, thanks Stevie,” Matt told her. “I’ll talk to you later.” With that, they both hung up. Stevie looked over at Duff, and in an instant, he had her wrapped up in his arms. He knew she was scared and hurting because of this. He held her close to his chest.

“I love you so much,” He whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “It’s all gonna be okay. I promise.”

****

Axl, Izzy, Slash, and Dizzy were all in the studio when Stevie and Duff walked in. They had been out in the parking lot for a few minutes while Stevie tried to get up her nerve. This band was her family, the family she had always wanted. But she knew that in order to keep her baby healthy, she had to take a break from it. She didn’t want to, but she knew she had to.

“Well, there you are,” Izzy teased. “I thought Axl was the one who was supposed to be late all the time.”

“Shut up Stadlin,” Axl rolled his eyes, but he had a small smile that he quickly chased away. “Are you guys ready?”

“Actually, no,” Stevie sighed. “Guys, I gotta tell you something.”

“Everything okay?” Slash asked, watching his friends. They hadn’t even told him the plan yet. “Is the baby okay?”

“The baby’s fine,” Stevie rested a hand on her stomach. There was no bump yet or anything, but she was sure that she would be showing soon. “But I’m...I’m stepping down.”

“From the band?” Dizzy asked, looking at the others.

“Just take some time off and then come back and we’ll work on the album,” Axl shrugged like it was no big deal. Stevie shook her head.

“What I mean is...I quit,” She told them. The silence that fell over the studio was a little unnerving. Never in her life had she heard any of the Guns n’ Roses members this quiet.

“You quit?” Slash finally spoke up. “Stevie…”

“We can take a break. It’s okay,” Izzy added. Stevie shook her head.

“It’s already been awhile since Appetite came out. I don’t want us...you guys to be a one hit wonder band,” She could feel the tears filling her eyes. “So I think it’s best for everyone that I quit. I think I even found you guys a replacement that you might like. Matt Sorum from the Cult.” She looked up at them when no one said anything. They were all staring at her.

“Duff, tell her she’s being fucking stupid!” Axl spat. “She’s going to let this come between her and the band?”

“That’s enough,” Duff growled. “I don’t want to watch her lose our child because she’s stressed by YOUR deadlines! And I don’t want to lose my wife! So I’m going to stand by her decision!”

“By letting her destroy the band?” Axl snapped, standing up. “All the work we’ve done, gone!”

“Axl, stop,” Izzy growled at Axl.

“All because you two don’t know what birth control is?” Axl ignored the rhythm guitarist. “You’ve only been married a few months!”

“Axl, chill,” Dizzy tried this time, but he still wasn’t listening. Axl opened his mouth to say something else, and Slash could tell that it wasn’t going to be good, so he jumped between Duff and Axl before fists could start flying.

“That’s enough!” Slash told them. He turned to look at Axl. “You keep this up, and it’s gonna fucking stress Stevie out and she’ll lose the baby! Do you want to be responsible for that?!”

“No…” Axl sighed. He looked around. “Where is she?” Duff looked to where Stevie had been, but she was gone.

“Stevie?” Duff called out. He quickly left the studio and headed down the hallway, his heart pounding. Looking down the hallway, he spied Stevie sitting on a bench. He made his way over to her, telling that she was crying. “Babe, are you okay?” He asked, kneeling in front of her and cupping her face. There were large tears falling down her face.

“T-they all h-hate me,” Stevie cried.

“No they don’t,” Duff shook his head.

“Yes they do!” She started crying again and Duff pulled her to him, letting her cry into his chest. Duff sat by her and held her until the crying died down. He heard a noise in the hallway and looked up to see the four horsemen; Dizzy, Axl, Slash, and Izzy.

“Babe, I think someone wants to talk to you,” Duff told his wife. Stevie looked up and saw the boys and started crying again. Slash made his way over and immediately hugged her.

“Do you really have to quit?” He asked. “It just won’t be the same without you sis.”

“I want GNR to be successful,” She told him as the others walked over. “And I’m not going to abandon my boys completely. I’m going to go out on tour with you guys. I’m just not playing.”

“Yeah...wait, what?” Duff asked. “Babe, I don’t know about…”

“This could work,” Axl nodded. “So when this guy screws up, we can just snag Stevie from the hotel room.”

“But what if she has the baby on stage?” Dizzy asked.

“Do it!” Slash laughed. “We would get so much press!”

“I’m not having my baby on the stage,” Stevie rolled her eyes. “And you guys will like Matt, I promise. Slash, you already know him.”

“Doesn’t mean I want him to replace my favorite drummer,” He told her, hugging her into his side.

“I will accept your decision on one condition,” Axl told her and Duff then. Everyone looked at him. “If it’s a boy, you name him Axl.”

“You can’t be serious,” Duff stared at him.

“And if it’s a girl?” Stevie asked, intrigued to see where his mind was going.

“Bailey,” He told her.

“We are not naming our baby Axl or Bailey...right?” Duff looked at Stevie.

“I mean…” She laughed. “We’ll just have to wait and see. We still have awhile.” She wiped her eyes. “You guys are still my boys though.” Izzy hugged her.

“We love you Stevie,” He told her before taking a step back.

“I love you guys too,” She nodded, looking at the guys. “Oh, Axl, you do realize that Rose could be a girls name, right?”

“I take back the Bailey part then and replace it with Axl!”

“Too late man,” Dizzy told him. “You already put it out into the universe. No take backs.”

“That’s not fair! I didn’t even think about Rose!”

Stevie watched them all argue and joke around. It was like the past half hour hadn’t even happened. It made her think back to the early 80’s, when they would all hang out and were playing the small clubs. She had to smile as she watched them though.

They’d do just fine without her.

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It’s So Easy Tags: @str4nge-haze​ @viralwolf02​

[madamsixx]

Beyond The Leather: Chapter 13: Introducing Guns N Roses

December 22, 1985, LA

I was allowed by my mom to come to LA for 3 days to see Slash and his band play at the clubs. But my mom gave Tamara strict orders to not allow me to go any where else. And I had to lie to her again and tell her that they were playing at a hall. I felt bad for doing it, but it was the only way I could come. I called Lisa up and asked her if she wanted to come with me to Whisky a Go Go she was down for it. I also called Slash and told him I would be coming to watch them play and hang out after. I put on a long black bodysuit with boot heels and a leather jacket. I walked out to the living where Tamara was sitting drinking coffee and watching TV.

"So does your mom know that Slash is now a rocker?" She said putting her coffee down.

"No I didn't tell her. She still remembers him as that little boy who rode his bike all over the place." I said sitting on the couch. "But even so, he's Ola's son so I don't think she would cut him out of my life. He's the only rocker she will put up with." I giggle.

We were interrupted when the phone rang. Tamara answered it.

"Its Lisa she's downstairs waiting for you." I got up and hugged Tamara. "Remember there and back no where else young lady. Your mom will call at 12. Make sure you are here." She warned.

"Yes, thanks!" I yelled as I ran out the door.

We arrived at the Whisky a Go Go. We got out and headed towards the line. I grabbed Lisa's hand and pulled her to the front of the line. The bouncer saw me and allowed us to go in.

"So this band is called what again!?" Lisa shouted over the loud noises.

"There called Guns N Roses. My friend is in it his name is Slash!" I shouted back.

The show started and I saw all five guys come out. There was the lead singer who was a red head, there was a guy with short black hair, and another really tall guy with blonde hair who was very attractive. I also saw Slash and Steven they were the only ones I knew. There music was really good. They kind of reminded me of Motley Crue but they had there own swag. After the show we headed to the bar, I ordered a cranberry juice while Lisa ordered vodka.

"Emem so how the fuck were we?" I turned around to see black fluffy hair and a big smile with white teeth.

"Slash!" I jumped up and hugged him. Yuk he was sweaty.

"You guys were amazing. I really enjoyed the show." I said moving away from him. "Oh this is Lisa she's my good single friend." I smiled pointing at Lisa.

"Hey there doll nice to meet you." Slash looked her up and down and shook her hand. I thought I should say that, it was time for Lisa to forget about Vince she needed someone else.

Slash told us to come back stage and meet the rest of the band. We walked through the side of the stage and headed to the back. It was the usual scene girls, booze, and drugs. But it was a bit calmer.

"Hey boys I want you to meet my friend well she's more like my little sis." Slash said. "This is Iman Darlington and her friend Lisa." Slash pointed at us. Me and Lisa waved our hands at them. They all just stared at us with there mouths open. They were drooling, if you were to put a bucket underneath there mouths it would be full of water.

"Nice to meet you sweetheart I'm Axl lead singer." He walked up and gave each of us a hand shake and a wink.

"Hey I'm Izzy." He waved.

"Hey I'm Duff." He walked up and took my hand in his and gave it a kiss. Then walked to Lisa and did the same.

"Hey Mani what's up!" Steven shouted and picked me up for a big hug.

"Oh my God Steven long time no see." I squealed.

"Hey nice to meet you I'm Steven." He turned and shook Lisa's hand.

"Hey nice to meet you." She smiled.

Every one talked and got along well. Every time I looked up Axl would be staring at Lisa. I could tell he really liked her. So I nudged Lisa and made her look up.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Axl keeps looking at you." I whispered to her.

She looked up and saw Axl stare at her then look away. "Let's go to the washroom." She smiled and grabbed my hand and we headed to the washroom.

"Why are we in here?" I asked

"Do you think I should make a move on Axl or just forget it?" She asked.

I thought about how she gave her self up to Vince so quick and he forgot about her already. I didn't want that for her if she was going to talk to one of these guys.

"Play hard to get. I think you should talk to him but don't do anything with him."

"I think so too."

"What time is it I gotta get back by 11 or I'm done for." I looked in the mirror trying to fix my face.

"Its 10:20 we should probably start heading back." She said opening the door.

We walked out and headed back to the room where the boys were in. When we entered the room we wished that we hadn't. Slash, Steven, Duff, and Nikki were sitting on the couch with each of them having a girl in there laps sucking them all off.

"Oh shit Iman close the fucking door!" Slash yelled.

Nikki looked up, he looked shocked to see me standing there. Well I felt the same way, what was he doing here? Lisa slammed the door shut and we walked into another room. Since that day at my house I haven't seen or talked to Nikki. And to be honest I didn't want to. I wouldn't know what to say to him. It would be awkward between us. The door opened and in walked an embarrassed Slash.

"Hey there... uh sorry for you girls seeing that. We uh.. we got carried away." He giggled as he walked into the room.

Me and Lisa looked at each other. And just laughed. "Um it's alright but were going to get going." I said standing up.

"Aw what no Iman come on the party is just beginning. Plus you haven't even met Sixx. He's from Motley Crue he came to watch us play."

"I've met enough rock stars tonight Slash I'm ready to leave." I walked passed him and headed to the door. Slash grabbed my hand and pulled me in the direction of the room.

"Slash no please no I can't!" I yelled. Lisa came out of the room following from behind.

He pushed the door open and pulled me in. "Hey Sixx come meet someone this is Iman!" He yelled at Nikki.

Nikki walks over fixing up his pants with a smirk on his face. I looked down and moved my hair a little in front of my face then looked back up at him. He looked and smelt like shit. Excuse my language but there were no other words to describe what I was looking at.

"So your a groupie is that it Mani?" Nikki smirked at me.

"I'm not a groupie Nikki. You know that." I stated.

"You two know each other?" Slash asked.

"Yes but I wish we didnt." I was annoyed with him now for even calling me a groupie.

"Iman did you guys fuck?" Slash asked.

"Saul seriously!" I shouted slapping him.

"Pfft if we fucked you wouldn't be walking groupie." He pushed passed me grabbed a silver tray with coke on it and snorted it all up.

Slash turned to me and smiled. "Wipe that smile off your face before I slap it off. He's a pig." I looked back at him.

"You going to tell me the story or what?" He asked.

"Another time Slash for now I just want to leave ok."

"No your not leaving were going to talk about shit now let's go." He put his arm around my neck and led me to a couch to sit on. Nikki came strutting after us holding a bottle of whiskey and sat across from us. Lisa sat beside Nikki and grabbed his whiskey bottle from him and drank some of it.

"So start talking girl." Slash took a cigarette from behind his ear he lit it then blew smoke out at me.

"God your gross. And what do you want me to talk about?" I asked waving the smoke out of my face.

"We can talk about you being a groupie and your friend here being a fucking leech!" Nikki raised his voice and grabbed the bottle back from Lisa's grasps.

"Or we can talk about the fact that your to pussy to tell a certain girl that you like her." Lisa smirked at Nikki and Nikki glared at her.

"Can you two shut up please. Me and Iman are trying to catch up on our gossip." Slash stated.

Nikki motioned for Slash to give him a cigarette. Slash leaned forward letting Nikki take one then offering one to Lisa. He lit it up for both of them then leaned back to offer me one.

"No I don't smoke Slash, you know that." I put my hand up.

"Still, wow mamas got you on a tight leash girl." Slash giggled.

"I can help you loosen it." Nikki's voice deepened as he glared at me blowing smoke out of his mouth.

I ignored his comments and changed the subject. "So your band is really good can't wait till you guys take off." I squealed.

"Yeah same here I'm excited. We've been playing at several clubs since June. Hopefully we can get big like the Crue."

"Bigger." Lisa blew smoke in Nikki's face. Nikki glared at her flipping her off. She sat back and giggled. I always loved Lisa she was fearless and fun. But could sometimes drink to the point were she was collapsing on the ground and it wasn't good.

"Hey Sixx you want to go for round two?" A busty blonde came out of no where kneeling in front of Nikki and dragging her nails across his leather pants. I clenched my jaw and decided it was time to leave.

"Slash im going." I stood up fixing my jacket.

"Now, ok I guess we can hang another time." I gave him a hug and motioned for Lisa so we could go.

Nikki pushed the girl off his lap and stood up and walked towards me. I turned on my heel and picked up my pace to get away from him as fast as possible. We headed out the door and walked over to her car. I heard footsteps behind us. I turn around and see Nikki following us I don't know what this guy wants with me. And I was tired of bumping into him where ever I went.

"Do not come near us ok. She doesn't want to talk to you and I certainly don't want you any where near my car." Lisa said turning around and pointing her finger at Nikki.

"I'm not coming to cause trouble." Nikki lifted his hands up in defense. "I just want to talk Mani."

I rolled my eyes and opened the car door.

"Wait doll." He ran to my side and stopped me from getting in the car "look I'm so-"

"Dont even say it Nikki just don't." I said pushing him. "Your sorrys mean nothing to me because you don't mean them. I don't want you around me, I don't want to be your friend, and I would never want to associate my self with somone like you. You came over to my house in October and completely embarrassed your self in front of my family, I don't even know how you found out where I lived. Tommy had to pick you up and drag your drunk reckless self into the car. And then today instead of saying hello and really apologizing for what you did. You called me a groupie. Yet you were getting your dick sucked off by some groupie." I pointed at him.

"It was a fucking joke doll you know I don't think of you as that. And as for coming over." He looked at Lisa then back at me. "Well...I wanted to see you but I had a bit too much to drink." He looked down at his shoes.

"You asked me to give you a chance and I have, several times Nikki. Now just leave me alone please."

"Mani I'm sorry, I do mean it."

I got into the car and tried to close the door but he blocked the door from closing.

"Mani please!"

"I don't want you Nikki!" I shouted at him then closed the door. He backed away from the door and put his hands in his pockets.

"Instead of telling her your sorry why don't you show her your sorry." Lisa got into the car and drove off.

Nikki's POV

I walked back inside the club I was agitated and needed my fix. I walked into the washroom and pulled my needle and drugs from my boot. I craved a shot just to forget about her. My fingers were shaking with anticipation as I was getting ready for a hit. I took off my belt tightening it around my arm and stuck it into my arm. I leaned back on the wall as I went into pure bliss. _________

December 23 1985

I woke up hearing Tamara squealing at the top of her lungs. It was so loud that I needed to put the pillow over my head. Lisa slept over so she too was covering her head with the pillow. Tamara then barged into the room screaming.

"Iman your never going to beleive what I booked for you!" She jumped on my bed.

"What did you book?" I asked groaning.

"So your going to be walking London fashion week, Milan fashion week, and Paris fashion week girl! Your also going to be on the cover of several magazines to come! And your movie premier will be August 8th! People will remember the Iman!" She shouted.

The pillow was off of my head at this point and I was ecstatic. I can't beleive I would be doing all these things.

"Oh my God girl your face is going to be everywhere. My manager can't even get me the fashion week. I'm so jealous but so happy for you." Lisa hugged me.

"Wow I need to tell my mom all of this. But it's going to be hard cause that means I'll have to keep coming back and forth from Canada to LA." I sighed.

"No you won't I'll make arrangements with your mom so that you can stay with me just for two years. Of course you'll go back home on breaks but you will have to stay here." Tamara said walking out the door.

Two years doesn't she mean one. After all it's only next year that I would be doing all this fashion stuff.

"Um Tami?" I followed her out the door. "Don't you mean one year?"

"No darling I mean two. Listen 86 and 87 are going to be big for us. So I need you close by living with me. Of course other than when I have-" she all of a sudden stopped talking. Like she was going to spill something out that she didn't want me to know. "Never mind."

"Ok well we need to call my mom to let her know the news." I shrugged.

This was the best news I could have ever gotten. But I was a bit sad because that meant I would be living in LA for two years. But also the thought of living with Tamara for two years was going to be hell. She kept me on a very tight leash. And it was hard to go any where or do anything.

"Well while im talking to your mom you two should go out and do something." She shooed me.

"Why can't I be here when your talking to my mom?" I asked confused.

"Wow your slow, girl that stands for I'm going to have company. So shower, brush your teeth, and get out you smell bad." She laughed.

Me and Lisa decided that we would go shopping. But just before we left Slash had called and asked if we wanted to hang out with him, Steven, and Duff. Lisa only wanted to because she wanted to ask about Axl. But I wanted to see Slash and have some fun. We went shopping first before meeting up with the boys. We met them at a diner and sat in a booth so we could have some privacy.

"So uh miss model I hope your paying?" Slash asked scratching his crotch. I rolled my eyes.

"Sure Slash."

The waitress took our orders and we sat there waiting for our food to come. "So miss Darlington you have any one special knocking on your door?" Duff asked.

"No one worth opening my door too." I giggled.

"Not even Sixx?" He raised a brow. Why does everyone keep linking me to Nikki ugh.

"No me and that dog called Nikki Sixx are nothing." I frowned.

"You sure about that?" Lisa nudged me.

"Yeah cause it didn't seem that way yesterday night when he had his eyes on you at whisky." Steven joined in.

"Look there's nothing going on between me and Nikki. He's not my type of guy, and he never will be. I don't like him. He came to my house in October and made a fool of himself in front of my family!" I started raising my voice. The boys started laughing and looking at each other.

"So why'd you invite him over?" Duff asked.

"I didnt... I don't know how he knew where I lived. He just showed up, and Tommy had to drag him back in the car. My mom nearly called the cops on them."

"Look Mani all I'm saying is that the dude was staring you down like a hawk. Like you belong to him or something. So people automatically assume that there's something going on between you guys."

The waitress brought our food back and placed it on the table. She then leaned over towards Steven so that her boobs were close his face. She looked at him and smiled a bit.

"So doll what time do you get off at?" Steven smiled at her.

"My shift finishes at seven." She smiled.

"So your saying I have to wait to pick you up that late?" He crossed his arms.

"Well if you follow me to the back now you won't have to." She grazed his arms and walked shaking her hips slowly looking back at him.

"God you guys are dogs." I stated.

"Dam right we are." Steven got up and followed her to the back.

"So is aAxl available or is he taken?" Lisa piped up biting her burger.

The boys looked at each other than started laughing.

"What's funny?" I asked furrowing my brows.

"Well Axl hasn't shut up about Lisa since he first saw her." Duff said.

"Wow well that's great!" I stated

"And you haven't shut up about Iman since you first saw her." Slash laughed.

Duff spit out his beer and started coughing. He then turned and hit Slash on the head. He started blushing.

I smiled to my self looking at Duff, he was really cute. And what made him even more cute was the fact that he was sweet. But once again he was a rocker and if I were to date anyone he couldn't look like Duff or Nikki.

"So hook a girl up guys. Axl is my type of man." She giggled.

"Sure I can, don't think it will be a problem you definitely have the looks." Slash smirked looking at Lisa's boobs.

"Slash eyes up, those are not for you." I laughed.

I started telling the boys about my bookings for fashion week. They promised they would watch me walk the runway on TV and to call to say good luck. Steven came back all flustered and smiling like a little kid who just got candy. I payed for the food and we said our goodbyes and everyone went home.

When I got back to the condo Tamara had a guy over, I could hear her giggling and laughing in kitchen. I could smell food being cooked. I didn't want to interrupt them so I just sat down and turned on the TV. I was flipping through channels when I saw Nikki and Tommy on MTV doing an interview. I went back and put it on to listen to the interview.

Interviewer- So what's a typical day on the road for you guys?

Tommy- Well we sleep a lot haha.

Nikki- Yeah were definitely night people. Haha vampires of the night. Were up pretty late so we sleep through the day. But an average day would be we get up at 2 do some interviews then we go to the hall do sound check to make sure it's right. Then we have our act that's opening for us go on. By then it's time for us to drink and then prepare for the shows. It takes like a hour to get ready so more time to drink haha.

Interviewer- Well it looks like we caught you at a good time of the day. I'm seeing clear eyes no slurring and a reasonably lucid performance haha.

Nikki- Yeah Haha.

Interviewer- So does motley Crue fall into a classification of heavy metal. I know there are different kinds?

Tommy- Well for one we don't look like all the other metal bands out there.

Nikki- Yeah and our sound is different too. Our sound is very root oriented. It's very much from were we come from. I just don't hear any other band that's out there sound like us.

Interviewer- That's true guys you don't. So I have some fan questions that people want to know. Is Mick Mars related to Ronnie James Dio?

Nikki and Tommy- Hahaha.

Nikki- Not that I know of.

Tommy- No haha.

Interviewer- What do you think of David Lee Roth?

Nikki- He's a cool guy haha.

Interviewer- Tommy are you going out with actress Heather Locklear?

Tommy- Yes!

Interviewer- Nikki are you and Iman Darlingron a couple?

My eyes went wide and I froze when the interviewer asked him that question.

Nikki- Were not right now, we are good friends. But you never know what the future holds.

Interviwer- I read somewhere in a magazine that people were saying they hope she doesn't date a guy like you. The say that she is a good girl and if she gets involved with you... well you could possibly ruin her image. What do you have to say about that?

Nikki- People say that because all they see is a rock star wearing chains, leather, big hair, and spikes. They don't see the man behind all of this. I'm a good guy that could make Iman happy if given the chance. But to be honest I don't really give a s**t what people have to say about me.

Interviewer- Well boys that's all for today. Thank you for talking to me. This is Dillion Walker from MTV with Motley Crues Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee.

The TV then turned off and I looked up and saw Tamara staring intently at it holding the remote. She then looked at me and crossed her arms. "You will never date that Nikki Sixx. He's nothing but chains, leather, and drugs. Trust me hun all his babble about looking beyond his leather is garbage. Ugh complete trash. I'll make it my mission if it's the last thing I do to keep you away from him." She started walking towards the kitchen then stopped and turned back."Oh by the way I have male company so if you don't want to hear anything you should go to the room." She laughed. She walked into the kitchen giggling again with whomever she was with.

I got up and walked to the room and sat on the bed. So many thoughts are just running through my head. I have my family, Tamara, and friends saying not to talk to Nikki and then I have Nikki wanting something between us. I can't defy my mom and Tamara thats for sure. And Nikki has just been having these weird mood swings, one minute he would tell me to f off then next say he's sorry but do it again. I looked over at the night stand and saw a schedule. I picked it up, it was a schedule showing my magazine shoots and the days I would be travelling. I started reading the first stop February 14-18 London Fashion Week. This was going to be exciting. At least I would get away from all the hustle bustle of things here between me and Nikki.

[gunsnbowies]

think about you - izzy stradlin x reader

summary: a short little thing that shows just how soft Izzy Stradlin is for the reader

warning(s): fluff, mention of drugs and alcohol

word count: 1.7k

author’s note: i’m going to be writing for some underappreciated, under-written for boys, so get ready for more izzy stradlin, steven adler, and john deacon stuff

I said, "Babe, you been lookin' real good" You know that I remember when we met It's funny how I never felt so good It's a feelin' that I know, I know I'll never forget

Waking up in Izzy’s bed was nicer than you thought it would be. Usually, the first thing you smelled was the smoke of his first cigarette of the day, the quiet strumming of a guitar accompanying the grayish wisps as they curled away from the blistered end of his the vice between his lips. That scent was a comfort to you now where it once was a disturbance, a reminder of the danger that one thing could mean. Of course, you still would pester Izzy about the dangers of cigarettes, but now those complaints were accompanied by pecks on the cheek that assured him that you truly only had his well-being in mind, whereas when you first met him, you would tell him all the ways he was killing himself (he called you a hypocrite, because you still indulged in other drugs when they were around, but you would just stick your tongue out at him). You’d love it if he quit, he knew, partly because you want him to live a long life, but mostly because then you’d get the satisfaction of knowing he listened to you and valued what you said. No, he didn’t quit, but he did scale back a bit, which pleased you enough that you wouldn’t say anything about his habit. So here you were, in the bed of the man you loved, finding solace in the action you once couldn’t stand.

His plucking ceased when he noticed you had woken up, and a lazy grin made it’s way across his face. You sat up, stretching your arms with a over-dramatic sigh, “What are you doing all the way over there, Iz?” You crawled to the edge of his bed, and Izzy just laughed, pushing the butt of his cigarette into the ashtray and placing his guitar into its stand and standing before you, arms wrapping around your waist, nuzzling into your neck. You giggled when his eyelashes brushed your skin, thinking about how soft he was around you. It was a drastic change, and the boys never left him alone about it. He could go from snorting line after line and drinking like a fish to snuggling you and taking showers with you, and not the sexy kind of showers. Axl had introduced you two when they were still apart of the band Hollywood Rose, and it had been kind of awkward when you and Izzy first got together because you were originally with the ginger singer, but that feeling was relieved when you and Axl both agreed that you hadn’t felt any type of romantic feelings for each other. You and Axl were good friends after the fact, though, and he felt no shame in teasing the two of you, telling Izzy that he stole his girl, but you always made sure he knew that he was the only one you wanted. Izzy was so thankful that Axl had brought you into his life, even if it meant knowing that you had made out with Axl Rose before.

You fell backwards, pulling Izzy into the bed with you and relishing in the sun seeping through the blinds that late morning. Izzy just turned on his side, running his fingers up and down your arm and admiring the way you looked wrapped in his sheets, barely covering you up, your legs peeking out among the gray fabric. “Y’know, the best I’ve ever seen you look is when you’re in my bed,” he murmured, admiring you with his hungry eyes. You were his favorite part of every day, and he had never had that feeling about any of the girls he’d hung around before.

Oh, it was the best time, I can remember Oh, and the love we shared Is lovin' that'll last forever 

When you guys were drunk and sick with all the drugs you had done, you would just fall all over each other, talking about any thought that popped into you coked-up little heads. From his mundane yet mischievous childhood in Indiana to his escapades with his fellow band members, he had the most fun when he was with you, drinking everything in sight and loving on each other until the sun came up. The two of you felt like you’d be young forever, in each other’s arms until the end came.

One of the first rehearsals with Steven in the band, you had popped in to see how the new lineup was turning out, and the boys got to introduce your relationship to the drummer. As soon as you entered the dingy apartment, Izzy pulled you into his lap, lips attaching to yours as you straddled him, his hands finding their way into your back pockets. Steven glanced at the two of you, then at Duff, Axl, and Slash who were drinking beers in the kitchen, “Does this happen a lot?”

Duff shrugged, “You get used to it. And hey, (y/n) gets really mad when you ask if you can have a turn.” You raised your middle finger to him from across the apartment, lips not even parting from Izzy’s. 

“As much as I enjoy free porn,” Axl started, “We need to get back to work.” You rolled your eyes, sliding off of Izzy’s lap and pecking his cheek, falling onto the couch so you could watch them play. The rest of rehearsal was cut short, as Izzy couldn’t take his eyes off you, and the two of you were in Axl’s bathroom, making noises nothing short of musical as the boys packed up. Axl grinned at Steven, “We get our own free show after rehearsals.”

There wasn't much in this heart of mine But there's a little left and babe you found it It's funny how I never felt so high It's a feeling that I know, I know I'll never forget

Axl could see the effect you had on Izzy. He had known him for so long that they had messed around with instruments in garages and smoked cheap pot wherever in town they thought they wouldn’t get caught, and never had he seen Izzy so excited about girl. His usually stony demeanor dissipated, and instead, the guitarist turned into a lovesick young man, hands all over you, trying to get enough of you. His heart belonged to you, and he didn’t think that something like what he felt for you would be in his future, but here you were, taking care of him when he came home drunk and kissing him softly in the morning. It proved that there had been something missing from his life, but now he had it. You stole into the deepest part of his soul, which he hadn’t even known existed until you showed him. He had learned more about himself as you got to know him, and not only was that a plus, but he was invested in you as well. He cared about the time you broke your elbow in the fourth grade, and how you felt when your parents divorced when you were twelve, and not only did he care, but he related and talked about things with you, things that he didn’t talk about with anyone else. He taught you how to play guitar, and you taught him to look inside himself. 

Oh, it was the best time, I can remember Oh, and the love we shared Is lovin' that'll last forever I think about you, honey, all the time, my heart says, "Yes" I think about you, deep inside, I love you best I think about you, you know you're the one I want I think about you, darling, you're the only one I think about you, yeah! 

Izzy had absolutely zero problems being faithful to you or anything like that. He loved you, and for the first time, he could see himself ending up with you. One night after a bar gig, Izzy and the boys sat in a booth in the corner and chatted. “Where’s (y/n) tonight, Iz?” Duff questioned, sipping his beer from across the table. 

Izzy shrugged, playing with the label on his bottle, “She picked up a double at the diner. Tryna pay rent.” Izzy sometimes felt bad that you had to work so hard to keep up the life the two of you lived with his lack of income, but you always just told him you were happy to do it because you loved him.

“You’re really lucky, y’know?” Steven sighed, “Not a lot of girls would do what she does.” Steven was right. You did so much not only for Izzy, but for all of the boys. You took care of them when they drank too much and were always looking out for them. You were their fiercest protector and biggest fan, and they loved you for it. You liked to make sure the were still on their feet.

“I know,” Izzy smiled, though he tried to hide it behind his hand.

“Izzy Stradlin!” Axl proclaimed, “(y/n) has thawed your ice cold heart! You’re even smiling!” Axl really liked to tease him about you, and the boys would pile on, too, especially when he would get distracted by you. You were constantly on his mind, and it made him feel like he was thirteen. One day when all the boys were over, they were trying to write some songs, but Izzy just kept glancing over at you, grinning as you cleaned the kitchen. Such a mundane task, but he could watch you do anything and he’d think you looked beautiful. His eyes were on you constantly, and eventually, the boys began to notice his lack of attention.

“He’s doing it again,” Slash groaned, throwing his pen at the brunette’s head, to which he rubbed his forehead, glaring at the snickering guitarist. You turned slightly, and saw it as nothing but an opportunity for mischief.

“Slash!” you whined, walking to where the boys were sprawled on the floor and flopping down into Izzy’s lap, “Don’t do that.” You placed a kiss where the pen had landed on his skin, before turning back to the curly haired man, “He’s fragile.” You giggled, a sound that usually comforted Izzy, but much less so when it was accompanied by the laughter of his band mates.

“You’re lucky I love you,” Izzy sighed, tucking his chin over your shoulder as the boys mocked him.

“I know,” you grinned, leaning back against him, relishing in the fact that you had someone like him to love.

[fluffyunicornofdanger]

Smoldering Flames

A/N: I’m loving all the requests that you guys have sent in. I hope you guys like this fic, I think it probably could be better. I wanted to add smut but I suck at writing it. If any of you have any advice please share. I’m gonna try and learn, we’ll see how that goes. And a special thanks, literally from the bottom of my heart to @oscarwilde-hellyeah for editing this for me. Requests are open, you can request something here. Let me know if you have any questions and feel free to give feedback.

*~~~*

Masterlist

Izzy Stradlin x Reader

Requested by: Anonymous

Request: Hey there! I wanted to request Izzy Stradlin one shot. I’ve been thinking about something like enemies with benefits but after some time they start to have feelings for each other and the reader tells him and he laughs at her because he’s kinda scared and later he goes to her apartment and tells her he feels the same?

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: Language, implied sex, drinking, long as fuck

Y/n tossed Izzy his shirt before picking her own up off the floor. He grabbed the material without even looking at her, sliding it over his head in a fluid motion. Izzy straightened his hair, he knew that the boys had every idea as to what he had gotten up to, but he didn’t want to look like a train wreck when he walked out of Y/n’s office. He wasn’t a professional man by any means, but he didn’t want to look like a hobo. That was for Duff or Axl to do, not him. They were the ones that were always surrounded by girls, anyway. So, that type of appearance, the disheveled, strewn hair, wrinkled clothes, was their look. 

And he wasn’t the only one that thought so. 

Y/n pulled her blouse over her head, making sure that she had it on properly and that it sat the way she wanted it to. As Izzy went to put his shoes back on, Y/n went over to the mirror she had next to her bookshelf and made sure that her makeup hadn’t been smudged before adjusting her blouse. Her boss had no idea about what went on in her office and she wanted to keep it that way. There was no way he would fire her over something like that. He pulled girls into his office all the time, but she didn’t want the knowledge to make him look at her in a different light. 

“We should do this more often,” Izzy commented as he tied his shoes.

Y/n scoffed. She hadn’t really wanted to do it in the first place. Well… That’s not true. She had wanted to, but she knew that it wasn’t something she wanted to continue. Being friends with benefits was one thing, but Izzy and her weren’t even that. They weren’t friends and, most likely, would never be. She was just the assistant that was gullible enough to want to be his toy while he was recording. If she had any sense, she’d be disgusted by what she’d let herself become. “We seem to do it more and more often.”

“Hey, I’m good, just admit it. That’s why we’ve been fucking like rabbits,” he smiled smugly at her, before standing up and walking to the door.

She shook her head, looking at him through the mirror.

 How had she ended up here?

 “Never in your wildest dreams, Izzy. And I think a rabbit would probably do better, they probably got more experience than you.”

The man rolled his eyes before opening the door and leaving. 

He was such a pain in the ass. They all were. Y/n turned from the mirror and grabbed her heels from where she had kicked them off. She should have known better than to get involved with someone she worked with, but no. She was idiotic and naive. There would probably be consequences for her actions, there had to be. And it didn’t help matters that Izzy’s bandmates couldn’t stand her. Well, Izzy couldn’t really either. She groaned, slipping her shoes on. 

What a position she found herself in.

Y/n couldn’t even remember how she had found herself in such a position. She’d never been the type of girl to throw herself at anyone, let alone be friends with benefits. To her, it was a waste of time. If you wanted a good time, it was just better to go to the bar and pick someone up. There would be fewer emotions involved down the road. Constantly coming back to the same person was messy and made everything more complex. It almost made it like a relationship, having expectations for both involved. The ending would be just as pleasant as a  breakup.

The hate, though, between Izzy and her was different than that between her and his bandmates, and it terrified her. It was a fiery hatred that was hot and heavy. Instead of throwing insults at each other like she often did with the other boys, Izzy and her were tearing each other’s clothes off. Y/n wasn’t sure what it meant. She didn’t even know that hate could fuel such a thing. 

And she wasn’t sure what kind of ending it would create.

Straightening her clothes one last time, Y/n walked out of her office, documents that needed to be signed by her boss in her hand. Passing by her boss’s office, she noticed that he wasn’t in and figured that he was probably helping the boys with something or yelling at them for breaking something. It seemed that the band was always getting themselves into trouble. A few days before, they had broken a drum set during a fight. No one was sure what it was over, but her boss wasn’t happy about having to replace it. 

Walking into the studio the band was occupying, she was hit by a wave of cigarette smoke and sweat. Y/N took a deep breath, the scent burned her nostrils, and looked around for her boss. He was nowhere to be found; instead, her eyes drifted to the small table in the room that was covered in beer cans and cigarette buds. What pigs, she thought as her eyes caught the paper and trash that covered the floor.

“If it isn’t Hollywood’s whore,” Axl commented, glancing up from his guitar and finally noticing her appearance. Y/n rolled her eyes. He would have to do better than that... men she walked passed on the street did better than that. 

“And if it isn’t everyone’s favorite drug dealer. Have you seen Mr. Miller?” Her words laced with venom as she looked the boys over. Poor excuses for musicians. Too busy drinking to care about keeping their careers. But, they were famous, so did being on time really matter?

The boys shook their heads as Steve raised his hand. “Got a question for you, too. Have you seen Izzy? He kinda disappeared on us,” he said with a smile, earning a laugh from the rest of the boys.

She set her jaw, rolling her eyes yet again. “Honestly, you are all children.” 

Y/n walked out of the room before they could say anything more, barely catching the words they spat to her back. 

And that was Guns N’ Roses. 

Those were the children she had to put up with. Y/n had worked with countless musicians during her time at the studio. All of them brought along challenges, but she had managed to get along with them. But there was something about this band that just made her skin burn. She wasn’t quite sure what it was. Maybe it was because they thought they were all that and a box of chocolate?  Or the fact that they never seemed to be sober? The reason couldn’t be pinned down, but there was one, and sleeping with Izzy wasn’t helping her like them anymore. It certainly wasn’t helping her fix the problem.

It seemed that every since the band found out about their relationship, all they did was pick fun at her. Y/n was used to things like that since her sisters always used to do it to each other, but it was different coming from people that didn’t mean well. And, after all, her sex life was none of their business. It was no one’s business, yet they teased her anyway. It just frustrated her, making her not want to get along with any of them.

Professionalism was out the window when they were around and the polite, sweet, Y/n was gone. It seemed as though that part of her couldn’t stand their wild behavior, let alone put up with it. That left her with little patience and tolerance.

*~~*~~*

Y/n sat on her desk, watching Izzy button his pants, his long hair falling in his face. No matter how much he brushed it aside, it still covered his eyes, making the task at hand difficult. The struggle brought a smile to her lips before she frowned at the thought. She wasn’t even sure why she was watching him. She’d seen him almost every day for god knows how long. He’d had the same problem almost each and every time they were alone together. She should have been sick of looking at him... looking at his long fingers, perfect hair, and brown eyes that shone in the light. Y/n should have been sick of it all. Sick of every fiber of his being. But as she sat on her desk, she couldn’t help but be mesmerized by him, by all the things she should have been sick of.

Y/n drew in a breath, digging her nails into the hardwood beneath her as the feeling hit her like a tsunami, knocking the air out of her. The foreign feeling surged through her body, rushing through her veins, hitting her chest like a ton of bricks. 

Love.

A chill ran down her spine as she repeated the word to herself.

 Love. 

She loved him. 

How disgusting.

Relationships like the one Izzy and her had were never meant to get to that point. Everything was supposed to be meaningless. Meaningless sex. Meaningless words. Meaningless actions. Nothing was supposed to hold any weight. And yet, it seemed that everything now did. Everything held a different meaning in her eyes, and she hated that more than she thought she hated him. Maybe that was why their hatred was weird to her. It wasn’t hate at all. It was something worse. 

Something heartbreaking.

Izzy looked up at her, feeling the heat of her gaze. “What wrong? Do I have lipstick on me or something?”

Y/n shook her head, her eyes falling to the floor. “No, no. Nothings wrong.”

He raised a brow, not believing a word she said. Y/n wouldn’t either. Her voice was suddenly less casual than it usually was. She hadn’t thought that Izzy would notice the slight change, but it seemed he had. 

“I don’t believe you,” he told her. “But whatever is bothering you better not ruin the sex.”

Yeah, it better not, she thought as she watched him leave like she did every time. But that was probably what it was going to do. It was going to make him want nothing to do with her because he’d think that she’d become clingy. He most likely didn’t want a relationship, anyway. He probably liked not having to deal with anyone’s problems but his own. 

She felt the same way. Being single was nice. Her sisters had always complained about how boring and lonely it was but she couldn’t agree. Being able to do whatever she pleased without having to take anyone's feelings but her own into account was the best thing in the world. It was a type of freedom that people often neglected to mention. It was probably the only freedom in the world. So, him not wanting a relationship wouldn’t be the end of the world to her, not when she wasn’t sure if she wanted one either.

Y/n sat there a long while. She wasn’t sure if it was worth mentioning to Izzy or not. Did her feelings even matter when it came to something that was meant to have no feelings? No emotions? She couldn’t answer that. Her heart was telling her that he needed to know. That maybe things would work out. False fantasies suddenly piled up in her head as her brain tried to play through them all. As they played out, she knew that none of them would happen. Izzy just wasn’t that kind of guy. He probably thought nothing of her other than a quick fuck. That was certainly all she had thought of him in the beginning. And it was meant to stay that way, nothing more. 

Obviously, her heart didn’t get the memo.

It never did. 

Love had never been her strong suit. Growing up, she only had toxic relationships to take notes on. Her parents fought day and night, and if there wasn’t anything to fight about, they would create something out of thin air. It was tiring being around them and feeling the negativity ooze off of them. The poison that she watched growing up did nothing to help her navigate any relationship she pursued. 

It was wrong of her to blame her relationship problems on her parents, but she never knew what real, compassionate love was because of them. Y/n only experienced the dark side of love, the side that no one wanted to talk about. Due to her parents, she didn’t know what it was like to love someone or to be loved by someone. It was the consequence of having such an upbring, of tumbling into the dark unknown. She stumbled into things and people she never would have if she’d known how it felt to actually be loved. What she had experienced with all of the relationships she had been in wasn’t love, but a twisted version of it. Something people cleaned and polished to pass off as it.

*~~*~~*

The door swung open with a creak, announcing Izzy’s entrance. His eyes mischievous like every time he walked into her office-- bright and sparkling. But unlike every time, Y/n didn’t stand from her chair or look up from her work. Head down, pen in hand, she paid no attention to the man, continuing with her work like he hadn’t even entered. Izzy shut the door, hoping that the action would get him somewhere, but it didn’t. Still, she sat behind her desk, not paying attention to him.

That wasn’t normal. 

“Y/n, are you gonna make me beg or something?”

Her head darted up, eyes wide in surprise. “Sorry,” she blinked. “I guess I didn’t hear you come in.”

Izzy flashed a flat, lifeless smile at her before unbuttoning his pants. That was a reasonable answer.

“No,” she shook her head, motioning for him to stop. “Can we talk first? Like actually talk?”

Her eyes darted around, looking for something other than his face to land on. Her heart had won the battle, deciding that she had to tell him. It was for the best. It would be better for her heart to be broken in the beginning than six months later when he threw her away like a piece of trash for some new girl. And, besides, she had brushed it off for weeks. Every time she thought of telling him, every time she thought was a good time, her fears rushed to the front of her brain halting her actions. 

Fears aside, it was now or never.

She stood from her desk, fiddling with her hands as she waited for an answer.

“This better not be some stupid shit like you’ve got feelings for me or something like that,” he said, buttoning his pants back up, disappointed that he wasn’t going to get what he wanted. He’d walked in for one reason and one reason only, and he wasn’t happy that he had to wait to get to it. The disappointment shown clearly on his face as his smile disappeared and the glimmer in his eyes faded into nothing. 

Blood rushed to her cheeks as she nodded. God, how she hated herself. She hated how he could make her feel that way. “Yeah, yeah. That would be it.”

Izzy started laughing-- laughing like she had said some stupid, hilarious joke. The way he did around his friends. But what she said wasn’t hilarious-- maybe stupid-- but it was no joke. It was serious. 

“Oh, god-” He tried to calm himself down, clutching his side. “-I hate to break it to you, Y/n. As great of a fucker as you are, it’s never going to happen. I don’t do relationships.”

She nodded, looking at the floor, a little ashamed of herself for even mentioning it. It clearly wasn’t worth it. Hadn’t she expected that answer? Yes, it was one of the first that crossed her mind.

 “That’s fine. I wasn’t expecting you to.”

He shook his head, before reaching for the door. 

“Let me know when you’re available and your emotions aren’t, okay?” He slipped out of her office without another word, leaving her frozen in place.

She was such a fool. Of course, she was nothing more than some toy to him. Only important when he needed a release. It was horrible that he was more than that to her and it was horrible that she wished she still viewed him as nothing more than a toy. She wanted to go back to that, back to the time when they weren’t anything to each other. A time when everything was less complicated.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Y/n whispered to herself, tears pricking the corner of her eyes. Things wouldn’t be complicated if she hadn’t of said anything at all. But no, she had to listen to her stupid fucking heart. The heart wants what the heart wants, and it sure as hell got exactly that. But what the fuck did her heart know? It wasn’t like it had a master’s degree in love. It had nothing but foolish knowledge that was of no use.

Wrapping her arms around her middle, she sunk to the floor. 

“Why am I like this?” she asked herself, head resting against her desk as the tears fell. “Why do I hurt myself like this?”

 Y/n sat like that for a while, those two questions playing over and over again. She had no answers, there were none. The only question she could answer was the last one Izzy had asked her. Her emotions would always be available. As long as he was in her life they would always be present. So, no, she couldn’t let him know when they weren’t. They always would be.

*~~*~~*

Izzy stared in front of him, looking past the cigarette smoke at nothing in particular, as Steve and Axl threw crumpled up paper at each other. The room was buzzing with energy that he couldn’t match. The atmosphere, the booze, the laughs, the smell of cigarettes and sweat, he couldn’t take in any of it. He could only drown it out. Everyone around him was having a good time, enjoying themselves like they always did. Not paying much attention to anything besides how empty their cups were getting and when to pull out another cigarette.

As much as he wanted to join in on the fun, he wasn’t feeling it. All the fun in him had leaked out at the words he said earlier, the ones that had clearly left marks on Y/n, echoed back to him. He shouldn’t have said anything, certainly not the words he had said. 

The memory came back to him like it had taken place moments ago. Her body language hadn’t changed at his words, she was too professional for that. It wasn’t her face, her nose scrunching up or her lips turning down into a frown. It was her eyes. The glow, the delight that was always present, had gone. Flown away like a bird escaping a storm. Left in its place, he knew, was tears. 

Before his brain could beat him up any further, Saul nudged his leg. “What up with you, man? You’re ruining the mood.”

He shrugged, putting his head in his hands. “I’m fucking in love with Y/n, that’s what’s up.” 

Saul rolled his eyes, it wasn’t the first time one of them had brought the mood down over a girl. Upon hearing the answer, Axl paused what he was doing, putting the wads of paper on the table, and grabbed his wallet. Opening it, he pulled out a $20 and handed it over to Duff, who didn’t hesitate to take it. 

Izzy looked at the two as Duff shoved the money in his pocket. “You two had a bet going!” 

The pair nodded. 

“Yeah, it was obvious that you’d fall for her,” Duff shrugged. “Axl didn’t see it, but that’s why I’m 20 dollars richer.” He smiled at the redhead who hit him with a paper ball. Duff threw the ball back before taking a seat next to Izzy. “You should tell Y/n how you feel. The worst she can do is deny you sex.” 

Saul nodded in agreement.

Izzy shook his head, disappointed with himself. He couldn’t do that anymore. He’d let that door slam shut in front of him. He shook his head again, leaning back into the couch. 

“I can’t do that. I made a fucking fool of myself.” He ran a hand through his hair. “She told me she feels the same, but like the fucking idiot I am, I laughed in her face. ‘I don’t do relationship.’” 

He scoffed at his own worlds. Why was he so stupid?

Steven shook his head, picking a beer off the table. 

“What are we gonna do with him?” He grabbed a bottle opener and popped the top off. “He’s never gonna get a girl if he keeps tellin’ all of them things like that.”

Duff nodded in agreement, brushing his blonde hair out of the way. Turning to his friend, he sighed. “Okay, you are in some deep shit, but you just gotta tell her you fucked up and that you’re an ass,” he told Izzy with such confidence that it had to be true.

Izzy looked up at him with a confused look. “I think she already knows I’m an ass.”

His friend laughed. “True, but chicks dig it when you admit. It makes you seem like more of a man.” He paused as Izzy took in his words. “And then tell her how you feel.”

“And if that doesn’t work, well, you’re screwed,” Saul laughed as he grabbed a paper ball off the floor and threw it at Axl.

*~~*~~*

Plucking at the guitar strings, Y/n adjusted them as needed as she tuned the instrument. She didn’t play all the time, but often enough that it was always out of its case. She couldn’t go much further in tuning the instrument as a knock came from the door. Turning to look at the door, she set the instrument on the coffee table and went to see who it was.

Pulling it open, she came face to face with the last person she thought she would see. “Izzy.”

A small smile formed on his lips. “Y/n. There’s something I want to tell you.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “What more is there for you to say? I think you’ve said everything already and I don’t need a repeat. I heard you loud and clear.”

He mentally kicked himself. Why was he such an idiot? He seemed to ruin everything good in his life. 

“I’m sorry about that. I really am. I was an ass earlier and that wasn’t fair to you.” He sighed when he saw that it hadn’t changed anything. Her expression hadn’t faltered, still looking at him with cold eyes. Clearly, Duff wasn’t right about that. He’d admitted that it was his fault and yet, she hadn’t wavered. “I-I only said those things, Y/n, because I was terrified about what you said. I didn’t want things to change.”

She shook her head. “What is that supposed to mean? Things have clearly changed.” 

The whole damn world had changed because of what they had both said. 

Izzy nodded, he knew that his words really didn’t change much. They held little power compared to the ones he had spoken earlier that day. “I’m in love with you, Y/n, and I know that’s not gonna change what I said earlier but I do. I fucking love you and that terrifies me. Relationships terrify me,” he confessed. “I don’t like the thought of doing something so personal, something that can cause me so much pain.”

Y/n’s face fell, she knew what he meant. Love was a tricky thing. You gave your heart away only to get it back broken. “I understand, I really do.” She opened the door further. “You wanna come in?”

He smiled, his eyes glowing. “Is there any way I can make it up to you?” It was that mischievous smile again. How it made Y/n’s knees weak.

She laughed, stepping a little closer to him, their noses almost touching. “I’m sure you can figure something out,” she smiled, bringing her lips to his.

Izzy broke away enough to look at her. 

“I think I just did.” He wrapped his arms around her, picking her up, getting a small yelp from her as her feet were lifted off the ground. He strode into her apartment, closing the door with his foot as she directed him to the bedroom.

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Preview: Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Nine

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“Because you just think I’m trying to compete against you.” I say sharply to Tansy.

“No, in order for you to ‘compete’, you’d have to do what I do, as good as I do it, and you didn’t.”

“Oh, I think I did or else you wouldn’t be as upset over it as you are." I hiss back. 

"Seriously, can you not get into this right now?" Axl asks us, the guys awkwardly keeping their mouths shut, and me and Tansy ignore him. 

"No, Vivian, you're not competing with me, because there's no competition, because this is what I've been doing for a living the past six years. I'm sorry if you regret starting a life with Nikki because you never got to finish school and have your own identity and your own thing going for you--"

"--You think I regret starting my own life?" I ask her in disbelief.

"I think you regret not going to school and being a dancer like you'd planned, because all of us are living the dream we've had since we were kids, except for you, so you feel left behind." She clarifies. 

"Who the hell said I'm left behind? I'm still with you guys, I'm still here." I argue. 

"Yeah, as 'Nikki Sixx's wife' and 'Tansy Lyn's Friend', and that's why you posed because at least your actual name--you as an individual--would finally be on a fucking magazine, the only problem is you don't think it was worth it, now." 

"Girls--" I put my hand up, causing Slash to stop before he starts, and he shakes his head and lets out a breath. 

"--Are you sure I'm the one that thinks being plastered naked in a magazine isn't worth it? Who's the one so strung out she's completely projecting her bullshit on to her friend and belittling her to make herself feel like she's won?"

"Won what?! What's the fucking prize, Vivian?!"

"I'm outta here." Slash mumbles, not wanting to be around the bullshit drama, as I yell back:

"Attention, Tansy! Everybody knows the thing that drives you is attention and how other people view you! You're so jealous at the fact that, for onc, guys aren't focused on sweet, little, travel-sized-bed-bunny, Tansy, that you don't know how to fucking handle it! And modeling with your pussy and tits out isn't worth it to you anymore because, yes you've got money and fame and attention, but you are still so fucking unhappy! You're angry and envious because I'm content with the fact I'm naked in a magazine, and you're so sick with yourself for doing the same thing!"

"Viv, c'mon, now." Duff says lowly as he nudges me to cut it out, but I can't. I'm too pissed. 

"God, Vivian, you are so fucking privileged!" She starts laughing, tears in her eyes and I raise my brows. "I winded up modeling for these nude magazines because me and mama needed the fucking money! I never got my license because we couldn't afford a car for me so what the hell was the point?! Any 'spending' money was put towards pageants and cheer, and when I got the offer I took it and ran with it because I was tired of being fucking broke!" She yells and I roll my jaw. "You, however, did it just because you wanted to! And I know they gave you a lot of money for it and you're scared of Nikki not leaving you enough money to take care of yourself when you guys divorce--and I'm sorry for you, that sucks--but, Vivian, you didn't sign a prenup so half of his shit is going to you, anyway, and being that he's casually had checks of $600,000 chilling in his mailbox before, you're gonna be pretty fucking set for a while without having the extra $40,000! You are so fucking spoiled and you don't even realiz--"

"--I'm sorry, I'm what?!" I scream, taking a step closer to her, causing Axl to get a little closer as well. 

"Viv, seriously, please just leave it alone." Duff begs me and I disregard it as Tansy goes on. 

"You literally went from your dad buying you everything you fucking wanted, to Nikki buying you everything you fucking wanted, and you've never had to lift a finger to get any of it! All you had to do was ask your dad for whatever, and now all you've gotta do is give Nikki a blowjob and the world is yours!" 

"I don't recall asking my dad or Nikki for a fucking scholarship to Juilliard! I don't recall asking neither of them to fill in for me, dancing for eight fucking hours a day--on my fucking toes--for years, or study for me in all my classes so I could have a high GPA to get into a good school! I might not have a 'thing' right now, but I do know what hard work is and if you want to compare dancing and modeling, we sure as hell can because I assure you, Tansy, you're not where you are because you worked your ass off, you're where you are because you fucked all the right people and got to the top!"

"And so did you!" She exclaims, and Duff and Axl are pulling me off of her a few seconds after my nails are going for her throat.

"Fuck off!" Axl screams at me, getting us separated, standing in front of her to guard her as Duff's got my back against him, his long arms having a steel grip around me in case I try to go again. 

Tansy's only got a small, surface scratch over her neck.

"I might have my issues, Vivian, but anytime any of us act batshit crazy and just attack people it's because we're tripping on something and don't know what we're doing! You're so fucked up all on your own without needing anything to bring it out of you!" She yells. 

"I didn't start losing my temper and being 'crazy' until you and Nikki and Tommy and Vince decided to become raging drug addicts and alcoholics and then act like it's still all fun and games when two of you OD at least twice a fucking year!" I shriek back. "And I don't feel left behind, yet, but I will when you junkies finally shoot your last fucking cc, and I'm left to plan fucking funerals!" 

Her face falls at my words, realizing why I'm such a fucking wreck all the time. 

"I don't look at you and think 'model' and I don't look at the guys and think 'Mötley Crüe' because I just see fucked up morons who need help but refuse to fucking accept it, so congratulations, Tansy, at least you found your 'thing', I mean really, I'm so envious that I'm not a sloppy heroin addict, alcoholic, crackhead. You really do win." I finish, getting out of Duff's grasp, leaving and slamming the door behind me. 

"The fuck is your problem, Vivian?!" Axl barks, following after me and I ignore him, causing him to grab at my arm roughly, stopping me, and I whip around to face him, seeing Duff coming to us. 

"Leave me the fuck alone, Axl!" I warn him. 

"Or what?!You gonna hit me?! I wish to fuck you would, you crazy bitch, I'll have you laid out right here!" He cuts back. 

"Axl, man, leave her alone." Duff tells him, trying to be calm while he pulls him away from me but Axl sharply snatches away from him. 

I see Fred coming towards us from the corner of my eye, Slash and Doc following behind him.

Getting the timing perfect, the palm of my hand is smacking as hard as it can against Axl's cheek, and we're being pulled apart before he can hit me back, which I know he's planning on doing. 

[qwigoqwaga2]

Random GNR Fun Facts

@motley-queen Anyone please feel free to add to this and correct anything that's incorrect. -Slash really likes snakes. He had two named Clyde and Cranston that were mentioned on the Appetite for Destruction liner notes. -Axl gave Steven the nickname 'Popcorn' when introducing him at their concert at the Ritz in 1988 because of the way his hair bounced around while he played. -Steven loves pugs. -Axl recorded Appetite for Destruction line by line. -GNR used to be friends with Mötley Crüe and one of their first big tours was opening for them during their Girls, Girls, Girls tour. -Axl and Izzy are both kind of reclusive, so they didn't hang out with the Crüe much. I believe Steven and Nikki are still friends now. You may have noticed in the Dirt movie Slash and Steven were present at the gathering where Nikki died. -One time Steven got kicked out of a bar for being too drunk and he got mad an punched a light and broke his hand so he couldn't play and Fred Coury from Cinderella had to fill in for him for a while. -Axl was late to their label signing. The band spent a long time looking for him and eventually found him on the roof, meditating. -Axl's feud with Vince Neil happened because Izzy had made an inappropriate comment about Vince's wife, Sharise. Axl decided he had to get involved and defend his bandmate. Izzy apologized to Vince afterward, but Axl and Vince kept threatening to fight each other but never did. -An early friend of the band (maybe Barbie Von Grief) said that Axl talks a lot about people who've hurt him, which is why he spent so much time badmouthing Slash after Slash quit. -Axl and Izzy are actually country hicks from Indiana. -In the albume liner notes for Use Your Illusion they have "fuck you St. Louis" in reference to the St. Louis riot. During Rocket Queen, there was a guy with a camera who was taunting Axl and Axl told the security to take the camera and they didn't, so he launched himself into the crowd to take it himself. He then got back on stage and announced "thanks to the lameass security, I'm going home" and smashed the microphone on the ground and left. Fans rioted because the show was cut short and Axl was blamed and GNR was banned from playing St. Louis again. There's video of this incident. -All of them abused drugs, but Steven had the worst problem. It got to the point where the rest of the band wanted to kick him out because he couldn't clean up his act, but they didn't have an explicit reason to. The last concert they played together was Farm Aid in 1990. Steven tripped and fell while coming onstage. They did two songs, Civil War, which was new and they had only rehearsed it in the studio a few times, and a UK Subs cover Down On the Farm, which Steven had never heard before. Duff clapped the beat for him and Steven managed to play the song (well enough that I wouldn't have known he'd never heard it). He happened to be going through a period of trying to get clean (which, like Nikki Sixx he tried and failed many many times before finally getting clean in 2010) and he was super sick from withdrawal when they fired him. They made him come in to record Civil War and he could barely get through the song (the final version of his part had to be heavily edited to be a cohesive song) because he was so sick. They claimed it was evidence that he was too jacked up to be in the band and fired him. -Axl was married twice. Once to Erin Everly, who Sweet Child O' Mine is about, and once to Stephanie Seymour who appeared in the November Rain music video (I believe that's where they started dating) and likely many of the songs on Chinese Democracy are about her (and/or Slash). In both relationships, they were abusive to each other. -I believe it was Stephanie that Axl proposed to by threatening to shoot himself if she didn't marry him. -The bromance is strong in this band. Slash/Axl, Slash/Steven, Slash/Duff, Duff/Steven, and Axl/Izzy were all BFF pairs. -Axl and Izzy were actually BFFs from school. Steven and Slash were too. They met when Steven fell off his skateboard and Slash came and asked if he was ok. -Axl's singing career began as a child when he sang in the church choir. -Welcome to the Jungle was written about when Axl left home and went to New York City (it might have been LA, but I think it was NYC the first time) and got off the bus and as he tells it in the intro from the Ritz '88 concert "this little old black man comes up to me and my friend with our backpacks and about ten bucks between us and he goes, 'do you know where you are? you're in the jungle, baby, you're gonna die!" -Axl wanted real sex sounds for Rocket Queen, so that's him and Steven's girlfriend Adrianna (which Steven was pissed about). -Their first tour together was known as the Hell Tour. Duff had a band with some shows scheduled up in Seattle (where he's from) so they were going to play them but their car broke down and they had to hitchike there and leave all their equipment behind. -They at one point lived in what was essentially a garage with a loft. -Axl has bipolar disorder and is generally a very intense person. He's described as both a huge asshole and an incredibly sweet, caring guy. He's also actually very quiet and shy. -For example, one time when Steven overdosed and was in the hospital, Axl was the only one who came to visit him. -One time Axl was with some girls and wanted to go to one of Mötley Crüe's parties, but he was too shy to ask so he sent the girls and Nikki decided to let the girls in but not Axl just to be a dick. -The start of the whole "Axl is a control-freak dictator" thing is from when they toured with the Rolling Stones. Axl was so impressed with how the Stone's tour was such a well-oiled machine and he wanted GNR to be like that (I think it was GNR that Metallica said they learned everything what not to do from touring with GNR). Suposedly Axl forced Slash and Duff to sign away all the rights to everything GNR to Axl or else he refused to go on stage. They quit shortly after that. -Freddie Mercury and Elton John were Axl's idols (hence all the grandiose piano songs). -At Donington in 1988, two fans were killed during their set. That show is where some of the footage for the Paradise City music video comes from. The band didn't find out until afterward and they were devestated. The crowd had been rowdy and they could see people were getting injured and Axl had been trying to get the crowd to calm down, but the two bodies weren't found until after the show (it had been raining so much it was super muddy and they were partially buried in the mud). -Izzy is basically a recluse and no one knows where he is or what he's doing. But he does have a solo career. I don't think he ever wanted to be in a band as big as GNR became. -Slash and Duff founded Velvet Revolver together. Sebastian Bach auditioned, but they rejected him because they said they sounded like Skid Roses (so they went with Scott Weiland and sounded like Stone Temple Roses instead). -The first ideas for the music for November Rain came to Axl while he was on a bus in the early-mid 80s. -They didn't used to have a setlist. Axl would just pick songs based on the mood of the crowd. During the Use Your Illusion tour this meant that all the backing musicians and dancers had to be just waiting backstage for their song to be announced. -Axl threw ridiculously extravagant afterparties on the Use Your Illusion tour. -Slash proposed the original lyrics for Paradise City: "where the girls are cute and they've got big titties" -Right Next Door to Hell was written about Axl's neighbor who claimed that he attacked her with a wine bottle and there was a lengthy legal battle about it. -They were an overnight sensation basically. The Welcome to the Jungle music video was played on MTV at midnight or 3am or something ridiculous but fans loved it so much they kept calling in and asking for it to be played again. -They used to be glam in their early days. Steven argued against it became the makeup would run in his eyes while playing.

[selfcallednowhere]

March 2, 2018 Los Angeles, CA

They opened with "I Left My Body," and then came an amusing mix-up. The band was playing what was clearly the beginning of "Damn Good Times," and Flans started talking over it. "We're They Might Be Giants from Brooklyn, New York! We have a new album out and this is the single! It's called 'Why Does the Sun Shine?'!"

And then everyone stopped playing because of course "Why Does the Sun Shine?" wasn't the next song--y'know, as evidenced by the fact that they'd already started playing the next song and it was obviously not it. John said, "None of that was true. Not a single word of it. We are not They Might Be Giants." Flans: "Hi, we're Cheap Trick!"

So then they went back to playing what they were actually supposed to be playing. When I'm singing along at shows I normally always sing the lead part, but not on this one--I sing along with John's "Damn! Good times!" in the chorus because it's way more fun and also inevitably describes how I'm feeling right then.

"Why Does the Sun Shine?" actually was the next song up. John informed us that if the sun were hollow a million earths would fit inside "comfortably," and also that "Scientists have found that the sun is a huge atom-smashing machine. They're wrong. But that's what they've found." Also, the heat and light of the sun were caused by the nuclear reaction between "hydrogen, something else, that guy, and everything."

Afterwards, Flans said, "We're frozen in time, but this audience seems more bearded than ever." Then he said that these are complicated, shitty times, and that they were surprised when their management told them they have a new album out. But they thought that was cool, and when they listened to the copies they gave them they discovered that it was "so much better than it had to be." Then he explained that they'd be playing two sets and we should "treat us like you would any other opener--with total emotional distance."

Flans introduced "Mrs. Bluebeard" by saying it was "the part of the show I've all been waiting for." I was looking forward to it too, because at this point I'd just become deeply curious about if John was ever going to manage to get the lyrics right. The correct answer to this question turned out to be NOPE. He messed it up yet again, though he at least managed to do better than the previous night, when some of the things he was singing weren't even words.

After they played "Your Racist Friend," Flans said that during the song he'd been "rocking out stage left" and he'd seen a guy who had his camera out but then had immediately put it away "like he expected me to go all Axl Rose on him." Then he said a thing he'd been joking about other times about how they wanted to encourage flash photography (joke though it may have been, it would've been about the only way one could reliably get decent pictures with the terrible backlit lighting setup they were using), and also if we were recording a bootleg we should send them a copy. He also said that if we had any work emails to catch up on we should feel free to go ahead and do it now.

Next they played "The Statue Got Me High"--on keyboard again, siiiiiiiigh. Once again it was too difficult for me to push past how upset I was about this to properly enjoy one of my all-time fav songs.

After that, John put the contra-alto clarinet on. Flans said that they wanted to thank their corporate sponsor, Microsoft, and that this was Clippy, the mascot of Microsoft Word. John said that he should have just left it at Microsoft, and Flans said he was leaving it at that, that this was all he was allowed to say. Then John told us that it was the contra-alto clarinet. "It's not legal unless you say the whole name." Flans said it was "unrelated to other contra groups," and John said it was "equally controversial." Then Flans said it would be implanting a tracking device in us.

So then they played "All Time What." The more I see that song live, the more I like it.

Afterwards, Flans said that normally he would ask John how his day was, but this time he didn't need to ask because they'd actually spent the whole day together. He said that they'd discussed some documentary about Chicago and "whether the moral ambiguity of Three Billboards was ok or not." Then John said that they'd met four Uber drivers, all of whom enjoyed the job, which surprised him. Flans said they all seemed to have post-doc educations and were interrupting their conversations to correct them about stuff--he said it had happened when they were discussing controlling children and also when they were discussing drugs.

Then John asked Flans if he was staring at his setlist to see what the next song was, and Flans said he absolutely wouldn't slow the show down by doing that (as if knowing what the next song is wasn't the entire purpose of them having setlists in the first place). Then John said the next song was in the movie Mayor of the Sunset Strip, and Flans said the reference was "for people who are old enough to know that Laugh-In wasn't funny." John: "I Think there are people who are old enough to be operating under the delusion that Laugh-In was funny." The song was "Bangs."

Next was "Hearing Aid," and after Flans said that they were "testing the threshold of the PA."

JL: I think I feel the subwoofers under me. JF: I think subwoofers are very expensive, John. *takes microphone off stand* When I take the mic off like this, do you feel like you're about to get a TED Talk? Disrupters. Next slide. JL: You thought this, but no, that. JF: A new way of making deals. They do the work, you make the money. It'll cost you a little to get in on this opportunity. JL: All we need is the kajillions of dollars that you all have. JF: We just need one investor, who has nothing but his Jimi Hendrix replica guitars. We actually did a TED Talk, and we were part of the "what's wrong with this picture" brigade. The theme of the weekend was "genius," which seemed a little fulsome, as my mother would say. We played at like 9 AM, and I was joking that we'd never played that early except at a librarian convention. And afterwards a librarian came up to me and said, "Libraries don't open at 9 AM."

John introduced "The Mesopotamians" by saying it was from "a TV show that was on very early, before Laugh-In."

Before "When the Lights Come On," Flans said that he "forgot if they had an intro to this song," and John said, "That was it right there. You just found it." GOD this song is SO FUCKING GOOD live. I'm so happy that they're playing it so much.

Next came "Nothing's Gonna Change my Clothes" (two completely glorious songs in a row!). All the times I've seen this one live, John sings it in the cadence of the demo, which makes me really happy because I love that version.

After that John held up his coffee and said "Mazel tov." Flans said he didn't think he'd ever heard him say that before, and John said Danny said that he'd said it a couple of days ago. He said Flans said he didn't think he'd ever heard him say it before that time too, but then he said he didn't remember saying it at all. Flans said it was like a KISS concert, with one of them saying over and over that they'd never played a certain song before (which of course made me think of "P.S.O.K."). Then he said that the other day on Twitter some Trump administration official had used the phrase "mazel tov cocktail," and "I salute their scrambled brain." John said that they were talking about all this unrelated stuff and someone had just yelled "We love you!" and it was as if they were saying "Come back!"

After "This Microphone," Flans introduced Curt and said he'd come from Connecticut on a minibike. Then he asked Marty if he was playing a hollowed-out orange, and then asked if he bought it that way or if it came in a kit, then asked him if his sponsor was here. Then Marty said it was supposed to stay on the drumstick, but he hadn't been able to get it to, and Flans said "So you did a mod. It's like a life hack." Then he said that Marty was "putting percussionists out of business."

Next they played "Hey, Mr. DJ, I Thought You Said We Had a Deal," which remains one of the absolute show highlights for me with Curt there. Where we were standing there was a pole just to the right of John when he was at his keyboard, and I was bopping around so much during that song that I kept having the pole block my view of him. Being able to see him during shows is normally priority #1 for me, but I couldn't help it! That's just what that song + trumpet does to me!

They closed the first set with "Particle Man," and then returned for the Quiet Storm. They opened with "Older" as per usual. This time John was pointing at the crowd for parts of it as if he were Death himself (ala that one fantastic Mink Car promo picture).

After "I Like Fun," Flans said that they love the old songs, and they particularly love this one cos it's "so damn old." People were yelling things out, and Flans said "You can shout out all the names of what you think we're going to play and you'll be wrong." Then he said the song was full of "vitriol and unbridled hostility," which was very appealing to them.

So then they of course played "Tippecanoe and Tyler Too," and then did an introduction to "James K. Polk" that was pretty similar to the night before: John said they'd be going all the way from the 1840 of that song into the future of 1844, with "self-driving beards and electric buggy whips," and then that the song wasn't letting their true feelings about its subject come across, which are that "he was a dick." Flans: "It's value-neutral...about someone who was a dick." Then Flans said that he was the reason where we are right now in California is a part of America, but that isn't necessarily a good thing.

So next was "James K. Polk," of course. Right before the bridge, with Flans's solo, John did the silly thing he does sometimes where he says some variation of "John Flansburgh, explain!" Then, after Flans played the first half, he said, "I see, go on." There was also some quality spazziness during the last verse--he's often spazzy during that part, I'm not sure why but of course I love it.

Next they played "The Famous Polka."

JF: The only polka we know. People ask us how we sequence our songs--that was "Polk," and then "Polka." "Polk-a." JL: That was also a Radiohead album. JF: That was the good one. This next song is from the John Henry album. It's underrated. JL: I think it's overrated. JF: It's underrated by me. JL: It has a histogram like this. *holds hand up, then moves down, then across, then up again* There are super-haters, and super-lovers.

It made me sad to hear John call it overrated, since it's tied as my favorite album. I do think he's right about how polarizing it is within fandom though, but the "super-haters" are WRONG WRONG WRONG.

So then they played MY SONG. I swear to god, I could see that song at every single show I go to from here on out and it would never stop being an incredibly special experience for me. I just love the song so, so, so MUCH, and it's a really big deal for me to see them play it. I always cheer like crazy when it's over.

That was the last song of the Quiet Storm, followed by "Istanbul." Then Flans introduced "Bills, Bills, Bills" by fist talking about when they did "Tubthumping." He said that the list of songs the AV Club gave them was "notorious and vaguely dubious," and that they had to figure out "how to make it feel good" so they had the staff come in and sing it with them. Then he said that after that they the "opportunity" to come back a second time, and that there are "many reasons not to cover Destiny's Child," but that the song is so complicated that now that they've learned it they don't want to drop it from the set, like they did it in vaudeville. Then he explained that John will sing Beyonce's part and he'll sing Kelly's part, and that she's "my favorite child--I think they call them children--not that I'm an expert." Then he said that there was "the third one" whose name he couldn't remember, and John said "You have to love all your children the same." Then people were yelling that the third one's name is Michelle, and Flans said "Michelle! It's even in the song!" (I'm not sure what he meant by this.)

So then they played the song (I became a Flansgirl for the length of it as per usual), then "New York City," then "Birdhouse in Your Soul."

When John was getting his Kaoss Pad ready for "Wicked Little Critta," he said, "I pressed the button that makes the song happen." After that he was telling someone in front that he couldn't quite read what their homemade shirt said but that it was "freaking me out." I'm not sure what it said exactly, but then Flans said (apparently in response to it) "Two votes? But what about the midterms?" Then he said he needed one for his mom, and then I think the person must've been starting to take the shirt off, because Flans said, "No no no! My mom's in Florida! She can wait!"

After that Flans went back to his joke of the night before about Dan Miller being Tabitha on Bewitched, repeated almost word-for-word the same as the previous night (disillusioning!), but with the new addition this time that they'd added this "fact" to Wikipedia and no one had caught it yet.

After a run of a bunch of great songs that I don't have any special comments on ("Number Three," "Answer," "Twisting," and "Man, It's So Loud in Here"), they did band intros and then Flans thanked "all the lit majors in the audience" (which was random but did make this particular lit major feel pretty awesome!).

They closed the main set with "The Guitar," rockin' and fantastic as always. As bonuses it featured John (adorably) hopping and (adorably) waving during the "the lion waves good-bye" bit in the last verse.

When they came back for the first encore Flans made an announcement that was very exciting to me as a Pacific Northwesterner: that they'd be touring Canada later in the year. He said they're going to be "going to cities that are a mistake to go to." Then he talked about how they just got the I Like Fun vinyl, and that it resembles "a fireman's calendar from 2012."

Then:

JF: This next song is for everyone. JL: Well, almost everyone. *pause* I'm actually not sure what you mean by that. JF: I didn't want to say that it's for you. JL: Are we talking about the same song? JF: "Do They Know It's Christmas?"?

The next song was actually "Dead," so yes that was a mysterious comment to make! But anyway I was thrilled to see it again, and even more thrilled when they followed it up with "Don't Let's Start" again.

When they came back for the second encore Flans was taking a picture of the crowd with his phone, and John was goofily posing at the edge of the stage to be in it too. When I found the picture later that night it was as great as I hoped it would be.

Then John said that he'd just noticed Danny wasn't wearing red pants, and Flans said we should check out the pants that he was wearing, which were these blue ones with a grid pattern that were indeed pretty wild. Then Flans was saying that there's some festival in Boston that they've played a lot, and that they kept having bands that were opening for them right before they made it big (the example he gave was The Cardigans), but one time it was a band called Royal Clown Revue, and he told the promoters that they absolutely did not want a band with a name like that opening for them, but that they told him it was a typo and it was actually Royal Crown Revue, and they were a ska band. Then he told Danny that if he "wanted to make a lateral move into Mighty Mighty Bosstones," he definitely could with those pants.

Then John was thanking us and said "We love you, in an inappropriate way," which was...strange.

The final song was "Doctor Worm," which I think is a good closer--I like it when they end with something really high-energy like that, and everyone gets so into that one.

So it ended up being exactly the same setlist as in San Diego the night before, which surprised me--I've been to shows multiple nights in a row quite a few times, and I don't think I've ever seen them not switch out at least a couple of the songs from one night to the next. The setlist consisted of some really terrific stuff, don't get me wrong, all of which was really exciting to see, but I'd be lying if I said I weren't a bit disappointed about it being exactly the same. Still had an amazing time, of course!

The final all-important JL wardrobe report: he was wearing a black long-sleeved shirt, and I managed to be less upset about his dumb haircut than I was the night before.

[lovemesomerafael]

EL AMOR TODO LO PUEDE Chapter 5:  The Mating Call of the Nerd

Previous Chapters:  Chapter 1   Chapter 2    Chapter 3    Chapter 4

Sometimes Laura had trouble appreciating God’s sense of humor.  Sure, she could flirt and tease and smolder like a boss, but only as long as her heart wasn’t involved.  When she really liked a guy, suddenly she had absolutely no game.  None.  She either got tongue-tied or couldn’t stop saying things that put her into an eternal cringe.  And she had no idea how to make those sweet, romantic gestures that let a man know how she felt. Sometimes she wondered how she’d ever managed to lose her virginity at all.

For weeks, Laura and Mouse had been steadily fumbling their way toward one another.  They found reasons to spend time together at work. They began texting one another across the bullpen when they wanted to say something they didn’t want their coworkers to overhear.  Even when the detectives were all out in the field, Mouse had sent her a few texts across the room, just complaining about something or sharing a goofy picture someone had sent him.  They had even spent what turned out to be an entirely platonic evening at Mouse’s apartment playing an online role-playing game they’d discovered they both liked.  That had actually been a lot of fun.  It was hard to be disappointed in an evening that had involved so much laughter and online mayhem.  They’d turned out to be a dangerous team when they worked together in the game.  That was one reason the evening had been platonic.  The other was that neither of them had found the courage to make a pass.    

Now they were at work, and she was sitting at her desk, trying yet again to figure out how to save a report she’d typed up for Voight using the new system CPD had just installed. She really didn’t want to have to ask Mouse a third time to help her set up her folders the way she wanted them.  She clicked furiously on the Enter key, uttering a different curse word with each jab at the keyboard.  

Behind her, she heard a chair roll up and Mouse’s soft chuckle.  “Wow.  You got some vocabulary.  You sure you’re not military?”

“I hate this system! Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…” she whined theatrically.  

He rolled up just behind her, resting a forearm on the back of her chair.  She instantly broke out in goosebumps as she felt his breath on the back of her neck.  

“Relax.  I got you.”  He leaned forward so that his face was next to hers, his hair tickling her ear.  “Get out of this dialog box.”

She did as he told her. He walked her through another few steps until the file was named and saved in a new folder nestled exactly where she wanted it in the directory.  She wouldn’t remember one step of it, of course, because all she was doing was reflexively reacting to his instructions.  Her entire mind was focused on Mouse, now close enough that their cheeks were touching.  The scent of whatever shower gel he used was now permanently etched in her sensory memory, along with the visceral erotic reaction it was having on her.  

She gulped.  OK.  Here goes. She began to turn her head millimeter by millimeter, as the warm, delicious sensations low in her body began to be replaced by nervous butterflies.  But he took over from her before the butterflies had a chance to multiply, sliding his hand into her hair and turning her face to his.

He tilted his head and fit his lips to hers.  He kissed her with an expertise that shocked her.  Awkward and nerdy he might be, but damn, he was good with his lips.  As they heard the security gate at the bottom of the stairs open and the voices of the detectives began to drift into the room, he pulled away just enough to look into her eyes, while keeping his hand in her hair.

“Your move,” he said seductively, giving her a look that would set ice on fire.

As Voight, Olinsky, Dawson, and Lindsay boisterously entered and went to work at their respective desks, calling out to one another as they worked, Laura sat staring blankly at her computer screen.  She was completely unnerved.  She had a fairly massive dose of hormones coursing through her veins, of course, but she was also suddenly terrified.  Mouse couldn’t just leave the next move to her.  She was hopeless and she knew it.  It never even occurred to her to simply ask him out on a date.  Instead, she thought of all the tropes she’d ever heard: showing up at his door wearing only a trench coat, inviting him over to find a path of rose petals leading to the bedroom, dragging him into a storage closet at the station, but none of them seemed even remotely possible.  She’d die of mortification.  Having completely wrapped herself around the axle with these thoughts, she spent the rest of the afternoon moving paper around and looking at emails without seeing them.  

When it was time to leave work, she was nowhere to be found.  Mouse wondered what that meant.  He’d hoped that they would just naturally leave together and go somewhere for a real dinner that took place on a table rather than under one.  Had she just left without saying goodbye?  What did that mean?  She’d kissed him back, he was sure of that.  He’d felt her tremble and heard her breath catch.  And he’d seen her flushed and flustered when he’d pulled away from her.  So why would she be avoiding him now?  

 **********

The next day, things between Mouse and Laura were a little odd.  

It had been one of those days when at least some of the detectives were in the bullpen all day, and Voight had Laura running at full speed with things he suddenly needed immediately.  When he needed something, he’d just sit at his desk and yell her name.  By this time, though, Laura and Voight had established a fluid working relationship that allowed Laura to predict what Voight was thinking a few seconds before he actually thought it.  More often than not, he’d ask for a file that she would just have emailed him, knowing he’d need it.  Once, he asked her to get District Commander Crowley on the phone, only to be told that Laura already had her office on hold waiting for him to pick up.  

There was little opportunity for Mouse and Laura to talk.  Laura very much wanted to talk to Mouse, but she had no idea what to say to him.  “Hi, let’s hook up”?  Not likely.  He did send her a text asking if she wanted to have lunch.  She sent him a message consisting of two emojis: handcuffs and a desk.  They’d shared a regretful look across the bullpen, and that had been it.  Voight kept Laura busy at her desk until long after Mouse had given up on waiting for her to be able to leave for the day.  

Mouse hoped that she would call him, or at least text, but she didn’t.  Now he was really confused, and a little unhappy about it.  Was she playing with him?  She’d seemed to be straight up and cool, but maybe he’d misjudged her?

That night, the detectives had spent most of the night at the scene of a bloody massacre at a house that turned out to be the base for a major drug operation.  The case had several possible suspects, both groups and individual people, which had the entire team working through facts and theories much of the next day.  They’d ordered in lunch and everybody stayed late.  

Laura had accepted a ride from Mouse when they finally left, but only to a church near her apartment where she was meeting her AA sponsor for a meeting.  She seemed a little nervous, but definitely not standoffish.  In fact, she’d given him a peck on the lips and a quick hug just before hopping out of his van.  He watched her walk around the side of the church to where several people stood smoking outside a door.  She hugged a number of them.  Maybe she was seeing someone?  As he drove off, he suddenly wondered whether he had made a mistake kissing her.  

He spent the entire next day down in his tech room, putting together equipment and a communications plan for an operation the team had planned for the following night.  He ate junk from the vending machine for lunch, and didn’t even have time to text Laura.  She’d been busy, too, but hers had been an everyday level of busy, with much of the team in the bullpen all day, preparing for the following night.  

She stopped by when her workday was over, but he wasn’t ready to leave.  So they said goodnight and she left, feeling like she should have said or done something more to let him know she was interested.  Your move?  He should never have left it up to her.  

***********

That night, Laura sat on the floor of her living room with her back against the couch and her laptop on the coffee table in front of her.  She was playing the role playing game again, this time participating in a raid with a number of her online friends.  When the group had successfully looted a stronghold built by other players, one of her teammates got the idea to try to make their online avatars high five each other. It was just a nerdy joke, but it gave Laura an idea.

She could see which of her friends were online, and had noticed about fifteen minutes earlier that Mouse was playing the game.  She decided to see if she could find his character.  Having played together a few times, once while in the same room, she knew a little about where in the universe of the game he and his friends might be.  After searching around a bit, she found Mouse’s avatar.  

She might be awkward in the real world when it came to men she really liked, but she was pretty comfortable in the alternate reality of the game.  And, being a fellow nerd, she thought Mouse would get what she was about to do.  

She walked her avatar up to his until he saw her and turned his character around so they were facing each other.  Soon, the dialog box below the game display started to show their typed conversation.

Lorelei:  Hi

Grrrrwitz:  Hi yourself

Lorelei:  Ready for my move?

Grrrrwitz:  More than ready

Laura’s character was a Mage; she carried a wand and potions rather than weapons.  She could also cast spells.  One of the spells Laura had built could knock another character to the ground.  She used it on Mouse’s avatar.  

Grrrrwitz:  Hey!

Lorelei:  Wait for it

She moved her character to where his lay, and her avatar knelt down beside him, as she often did to heal characters who had been wounded in game battles.  Instead, she moved her character to awkwardly lean over him and kiss him.  Although she’d never had any interest in trying it, she’d read that, in this particular game, characters could actually have sex if the players could figure out how to do it.  She was very curious to see what Mouse would do.  

As Mouse sat at his computer, watching Laura’s avatar knock down and then kiss his, he smiled hugely and said aloud to the empty room, “There it is.”  

But he wasn’t sure how to respond.  He knew that characters in this game could have sex, but that didn’t seem like the right response.  Besides, if he was going to have sex with Laura, it wasn’t going to be on a computer screen while their actual bodies were across town from one another.  Instead, he decided to try something different.  

He knew the spell would work for a minute or so, and then his character could move again.  He waited and, when he could, he made his avatar get up from the ground.  He saw Laura’s stand, too.

Grrrrwitz:  You better get outta here or you’re gonna regret that

Laura didn’t respond, but her character began to run away.  Mouse’s character followed.  For a while, he chased her around the game’s landscape, until she ran into a castle.  He followed, catching her character in a turret. He had his character throw his sword on the floor and back hers into a corner, which he suspected she could have gotten out of if she’d tried.  His avatar put one arm on either side of hers and kissed her character.  

Just as he was wondering what to do next, he saw her character duck out from between his character’s arms and run out of the room.  For the next hour, they played a ridiculous online game of chase and kiss. Occasionally, another character would try to engage them.  The first time that happened, Mouse’s avatar wasted no time killing them with his sword. From then on, when another character interfered with their silly chase, they would quickly dispatch that character and continue.  It was the nerdiest flirtation either Mouse or Laura had ever engaged in, but they both enjoyed it immensely.

Grrrrwitz:  Well played

Lorelei:  Get the message?

Grrrrwitz:  Message received.  Op tomorrow nite.  Dinner Friday?  

Lorelei:  😊  Absolutely

[howaminotinthestrokesyet]

50 Ridiculous Rock Star Quotes: Random Quarantine Thoughts

Noel Gallagher

1. If there were gold medals for taking drugs for England I would have won a shitload.”

2. “Didn’t go into rehab like all me mates did – fucking lightweights.”

3. On Thom Yorke: “No matter how much you sit there twiddling, going, ‘We’re all doomed’, at the end of the day people will always want to hear you play ‘Creep’. Get over it.”

4. “I reckon if Thom Yorke fucking shit into a light bulb and started blowing it like an empty beer bottle it’d probably get 9 out of 10 in fucking Mojo."

5. “Kids have got to make their own choices. I don’t want my daughter’s record collection to be the same as mine – I don’t want her to be as cool as me."

6. “Ewan McGregor was my neighbour, right, and he came round my house the night he got the part of Obi-Wan Kenobi. I just happened to have two of those lightsaber toys, so I said, 'Come on – in the back garden.' And we had a fucking lightsaber fight. His first Jedi training session was with yours truly in my back garden at eight in the morning."

7. “You can’t write songs about your wife if your brother’s singing it. No, that’s not going to go down well."

8. “All I ever wanted to do was make a record. Here’s what you do: you pick up your guitar, you rip a few people’s tune’s off, you swap them round a bit, get your brother in the band, punch his head in every now and again, and it sells. I’m a lucky b**. I’m probably the single most lucky man in the world.”

9. “Just because you sell lots of records it doesn’t mean to say you’re any good. Look at Phil Collins.”

10. “If I ever get to go to the moon, I’ll probably just stand on the moon and go 'hmmm, yeah... fair enough... gotta go home now.’"

Kanye West

1. “50 is Eminem's favourite rapper… I'm my favourite rapper."

2. “My greatest pain in life is that I'll never be able to see myself perform live."

3. You basically can say anything to someone on an email or text as long as you put LOL at the end."

4. I think I do myself a disservice by comparing myself to Steve Jobs and Walt Disney and human beings that we’ve seen before. It should be more like Willy Wonka…and welcome to my chocolate factory.”

5. “I have to dress Kim everyday so she doesn’t embarrass me.”

6. “Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed. I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book's autograph. I am a proud nonreader of books."

7. “You may be talented, but you’re not Kanye West.”

8. “You know, I’m a creative genius and there’s no other way to word it.”

9. “You should only believe about 90% of what I say. As a matter of fact, don’t even believe anything that I’m saying at all. I could be completely f—g with you, and the world, the entire time.”

10. “Trends come and go, but cool is forever."

Keith Richards

1. “Some things get better with age. Like me."

2. “I’ve been through more cold turkeys than there are freezers.”

3. "I've never had a problem with drugs. I’ve had problems with the police.”

4. “Some doctor told me I had six months to live and I went to their funeral.”

5. "If you're going to kick authority in the teeth, you might as well use two feet."

6. “If you've gotta think about being cool, you ain't cool."

7. “Rock and roll ain't nothing but jazz with a hard backbeat."

8. “And then I think we realized, like any young guys, that blues are not learned in a monastery. You've got to go out there and get your heart broke and then come back and then you can sing the blues."

9. “I was number one on the Who's Likely To Die list for 10 years. I mean, I was really disappointed when I fell off the list.”

10. “Rap — so many words, so little said. What rap did that was impressive was to show there are so many tone-deaf people out there. All they need is a drum beat and somebody yelling over it and they're happy. There’s an enormous market for people who can't tell one note from another.”

Axl Rose

1. "I write the vocals last, because I wanted to invent the music first and push the music to the level that I had to compete against it."

2. “I'm not God but if I were God, ¾ of you would be girls, and the rest would be pizza and beer."

3. “I'm late to everything. I've always wanted to have it written in my will that when I die, the coffin shows up a half hour late and says on the side, like in gold, 'Sorry I'm Late'."

4. “It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people."

5. "If love is blind I guess I'll buy myself a cane"

6. “I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.”

7. “I don't even know my own phone number.”

8. “If you are really into waiting, try holding your breath for Jesus, 'cause I hear the payoff may be that much greater.”

9. “Rock n' roll was a bad and evil thing. l remember once I was singing a Barry Manilow song, "Mandy," In the back seat of the car. It came on the radio, and I kind of sang with it, and I got smacked In the mouth because that song was "evil."

10. “Sometimes your friends are your lovers, or have been at one time.”

Dave Grohl

1. “How could you not want to do this? I get to sit around and talk about rock’n’roll all day, then go play music with my friends and laugh my arse off backstage, until it’s time to have a beer and get 80,000 people to sing with me. That’s not work!”

2. “I can truly say out loud that ‘Gangnam Style’ is one of my favourite fucking songs of the past decade. Is it any better or worse than the latest Atoms for Peace album?”

3. “I once received a cape [from a fan] that was made from the little purple bags that Crown Royal Whisky comes in. I know! I used to wear it but I don’t anymore.”

4. “Rick [Astley] is the man. The seventh Foo Fighter. He’s such a sweetheart.”

5. “Every record we go into make we go in thinking we’re gonna make ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ or ‘The White Album’ but at the end of the day we end up with a Foo Fighters record there’s nothing we can do.”

6. “If you play a Nickleback song backwards you'll hear messages from the devil. Even worse, if you play it forwards you'll hear Nickleback."

7. “Because you have things like 'American Idol' and you've got radio stations that play music made entirely by computers, it's easy to forget there are bands with actual people playing actual instruments that rock."

8. “What's the last thing a drummer says in a band: Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?"

9. “There's something about heartbreak that makes for great music, but the same could be said for Jägermeister. Hangovers make for great music, too."

10. “To women, drummers seem like these adorable, sexy Neanderthals, and lead singers seem mysterious and dangerous. So while the lead singers all want to be David Bowie, floating into parties and being the center of attention, it's the drummers who are in the corner doing keg stands and breaking tables. Usually it's the drummers who get the fun-loving ladies and the singers who get the nutcases."