#ayan is so special to me for so many reasons but his refusal to leave akk in his miserable prison of expectations

[saladbroth]

idk there's just something about the way ayan continously pushes akk. he's relentless in it, and yet never goes too far and it's so so interesting to watch because it would be so easy for him to become unlikeable for being too pushy and yet he is one of the kindest, most understanding characters i've literally ever seen

like. in every single episode he challenges something akk is convinced off, pushes him into one direction or the other, brings him to his limits and makes him question things but it's never over the top? it's never too much, it's never ill-intended even if he honestly had ample opportunity and somtimes even reason to go 'too far' because, well. akk took some things too far even if we (and aye) can understand why

aye is just constantly trying to get akk to do the right thing, to see the truth and to acknowledge what's wrong because he knows that ultimately it'll lead to akk being happier, being true to himself. it's not a matter of aye being preachy and pushy and just doing it because he thinks he's right, it's a matter of him caring and wanting to help and genuinely just wanting whats best for people. he could've so easily gotten akk expelled right when he came to suppalo and instead he chose to try and make him see what is wrong with the system because i think, even if he didn't like akk at first, aye understands that he's only partially responsible for the way he acts and that understanding just gets deepened the closer they get

once he actually starts liking akk, caring about him, wanting to see him happy and wanting him it feels like aye really shifts from pushing akk into the right direction just because he can, to pushing him because he wants akk to understand and to see and to be less burdened the only time he brings akk to a breaking point he's already there to catch the pieces and hold him and make sure that he's okay. he doesn't let akk fall apart alone in the privacy of his room because he knows that he's the one who brought him there even if it was inevitable for akk to crumble under the pressure eventually

and now, with both of their feelings more or less openly on the table (even if akk can't admit it yet, they both know what's there) he continues to push and prod. he wants akk to say it out loud and acknowledge it, wants him to accept it by putting it out in the world, not for some selfish reason but because he can see the pain akk is in, the way he suffers under the strain of keeping everything inside. and he lets akk know that he'll be there, still

aye's gotten to glimpse into akk, got to hold him and be held in return, tell him how he feels and see the truths that akk can't say in his eyes. he's seen the way akk fought his own tears back when he confessed, and felt akk's thumbs move on his jaw as the only show of affection he allowed himself, and he's going to keep pushing. he knows that akk can get to a breaking point that'll turn things around, and he knows that akk likely won't get there alone, and he knows that akk needs someone to catch him when he allows himself to fall

idk if any of this made sense but i just. i love ayan so dearly, he's so careful and considerate in so many things and yet never ready to back down and accept things if he knows they can be improved. he truly just wants whats best for akk and he can see what it is better than akk himself, so he's trying to get him there with as much gentle force as needed. he's so loving and kind and so so ready to give his love to akk, if only he would accept it

[dubredofanfics]

Six Years

Part 30 - Save Me

So many times he tried to fight the temptation of loving her again, so many times he tried winning her back but every time he does, things come up next to his face telling him he don't stand a chance. I need a sign. He begged.

They are already on their sixth year of their term. In a few months, their term will be over and there will be no more reason for them to meet, talk and communicate. His family arranged their long vacation to Europe months after the end of his term to finally have a peace of mind after six straight years of mess, problems and complications. It was inevitable for him not to think that his dream of being with Leni is already hopeless especially now that it was imprinted on his head how she is already with someone else.

On her way to her destination, she looked outside and had a certain reflection. How many times have I hurt him? Did he ever intentionally hurt me? Did he ever cheated on me? No. She gazed into the glass container resting on her lap.

She felt bad for thinking how unfair she has been with Digong the whole time. She felt like she caused more pain and stress to him than happiness, yet, he still manage to continue loving her and even give her a bouquet despite everything. He was one of a kind, she thought. Sometimes I don't know if I even deserve him.

The car paused, she went down and headed straight to his office escorted by his special assistant, Bong.

Someone knocked on his office door interrupting his epiphany. "Bukas yan." He uttered. Bong opened the door and in a second, Leni walked in.

"Good afternoon, sir." She greeted. He was blown away by her presence that he couldn't remember asking for. It would be too obvious if he would react in front of her so she allowed her in and asked Bong to give them some privacy.

"Sana hindi ako nakakaistorbo." She wished as he offered her a seat. "Ano bang sadya mo mam?" He asked and sat back on his chair. She didn't know how to begin, she didn't want to sound so dramatic like she was craving for his mercy and attention. She sighed heavily and placed a paper bag atop his table. He looked at her clueless of what was inside.

"Ayoko kase na sa iba mo pa malaman, so ayan." She pushed the paper bag closer to him. He checked on what's inside and saw the Ecuadorian rose he gave her ages ago in its glass container. He was surprised, he was vexed by her purpose of bringing it to him.

She saw the deep question in his face urging her to explain. "Hindi ko naingatan yung pinakaunang bagay na binigay mo saakin, sorry." She explained but it appeared vague to him. She exhaled sharply and moved her seat closer to be able to open the container next to his eyes. "Hindi na ito yung Ecuadorian rose na binigay mo. Hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari o kung sino yung nagpalit pero synthetic na 'to. Hindi na ito yung binigay mo and I'm sorry kase hindi ko naingatan." She elaborated. "Ayoko na marinig mo sa iba kaya ayan." She followed reiterating her previous statement.

He haltered for a moment causing a deep silence to surround the room. She gave him time to fathom to what she just told him, she knew she caused him another pain and she couldn't feel any more sorry for it. Little did she know that he paused for a moment as he recalled an instance he did months ago.

"Mara, ikaw na bahala ha. Wag ka papahuli." He tapped her arm. "Oo naman, Digong." She replied giving her full support for his cousin's love for her boss.

He was surprised that it's just now that Leni discovered that the Ecuadorian rose is no longer the real one when he asked his distant cousin who works at her office to sneak and replace the real one with the synthetic one while she's out of her office to attend to Yasay's birthday celebration. For an objective that only him and Mara knows.

"Ano bang gusto mong gawin natin mam?" He asked wondering what was her purpose of confessing. "Wala. Wala na akong gusto. Yan na siguro yung last token ko sa'yo." She replied.  He hated how it was tough for him to comprehend.

"Sana hindi mo isipin na ginagawa ko 'to para mag-drama. This will be the last time na mag-so-sorry ako sa lahat ng nagawa ko kase baka mamaya naririndi ka na sa kaka-sorry ko." She followed and looked at him with her sad eyes. He tried to remain stable despite that he was giving into the pits of his love for her. She felt a slight humiliation with his silence, "Narealize ko kase na masyado ko nang pinagpipilitan 'to when I have caused you nothing but pain." She choked slightly as she tried to hold back her emotions. "Leni..." He uttered as he hated hearing such things from her, he knew she was hurting.

"Ang dami ko nang nagawang kasalan sa'yo in the sense na siguro nga hindi ko na deserve yung forgiveness mo." She chuckled fakely. "Hindi ko na nga alam kung deserve ba kita." She followed and looked away. His heart broke upon hearing her struggle but even he, himself, wasn't sure if he wants to fix things between them or just let her go. She looked back at him in deep struggle waiting for his response but he didn't utter anything, he just looked blankly at a distance causing her to feel rejected. Her agony rose up to her throat making her feel choked, her chest prickled in pain as she looked at him not showing any hints of wanting to stop her from leaving. They were both hurting and they were both vulnerable because of their complicated love for each other.

She stood up with her eyes starting to get a bit teary. "Mauna na ako." She stated with an unstable voice, he still refused to reply verbally.

She slowly headed towards the door to exit but as she take every step away from him, she wishes he would grab her and tell her not to go anywhere. The farther she walks away from him, the more painful her heart endures until she finally held the door knob and heard nothing from him. She continued heading out of the palace and entered her van.

She broke down as soon as the door closed. Her driver glanced at her from the mirror but refused to ask her about it. It was very seldom that he sees her cry. Aware of his boss' relationship situation with the president, he had a hint that something happened between them that's why she suddenly turned emotional.

Leni covered her mouth with her handkerchief and looked in the direction of the window as she cried at the car. It was so painful for her to tell him she's giving up and not hearing anything from him to stop her from going. She felt unloved, she felt like he no longer wants her like before. Random thoughts entered her mind in desperation to ease the pain she was taking that moment.

He deserves someone better. Wala naman akong maibibigay na maganda sakanya kung ipiplit ko yung saamin. Puro ako pasakit, puro problema. Napaka-precious niyang tao, grabe yung pagmamahal na binigay niya na parang hindi ko na deserve.

She recalled the time when she was allowing herself to be corrupted by her ex, Bolet. She felt so spoiled, she felt so debased. He messed up with her a couple of times against her will, he took everything away from her that she feel like she has nothing left to rave about to Digong. Ano bang maipagmamalaki ko sakanya? Wala.

Digong felt so flabbergasted as she left his office. Letting her go felt like a large part of him was taken away but he thought maybe it's the sign that he was asking for. Maybe hearing her give up on him is their destiny's way to let them know that it is time to rest and let each other go.

—

Everyday felt like an emotional torture to Leni. She once lost the love of her life, it was painful; but she never expected that something more painful would happen to her.

It was tough for her before to accept the fact and endure the pain when her late husband passed away but it was tougher for her to accept the fact that she fell in love again with someone so deeply and despite that he's still there, she can no longer have him.

She cried it all out to her mother, to her best friend and to herself whenever she's alone.

—

After over a week of Leni's talk with Digong, Yasay had the chance to talk to him regarding the issues and rumors circulating the mainstream media.

President Duterte shuts off VP Robredo

VP Leni Robredo ends issues with President Rody Duterte

Palace confirms rift between President Duterte and Vice President Leni Robredo

The newspapers headlines showed such in bold letters.

Is it really over for President Duterte and VP Leni?

"Tapos na tayo." VP Leni to President Duterte

"Kay Miro na ako." — VP Leni to President Digong

The tabloids published. Some were misleading, but the idea was true. They're through and that's the truth.

"Digong, kamusta?" Yasay greeted him as he entered his office. "Okay lang." He replied smiling as he shook his hand. They had a quick chat about his visit in Saudi before they went to the discussion about the recent headlines.

"May ikukwento ka ba?" He asked, he chuckled in response. "Wala. Tinapos lang niya." He replied briefly. "Akala ko ba babalikan mo na?" He asked.

"Wala eh, naunahan na." Digong tried to conceal his pain through a smile. Yasay frowned, he knew his brother wasn't okay.

"Ikaw kase urong sulong ka eh. Baka naguluhan si Leni." He began to scold him. "Baka nung paurong urong ka she decided to entertain someone new to get over you." He pointed out a thought. Digong paused for a moment, he was guilty with his inconsistency in winning her back before and Yasay has a point.

"Eh anong gawin ko? Ahasin ko si Leni kay Quimbo? Sila na nga yata, nasa balita diba? Ayoko nga basahin." He expressed, Yasay chuckled. "Anong ayaw? Basahin mo para alam mo yung side ni Leni ngayon. Face your fears para mas makapagisip ka ng maigi on what to do next." He advised.

Digong remained undecided for a couple of days but ever since she talked to him, he couldn't stop thinking about her anymore. Everything he sees reminds him of her and it was a tough game for him.

He visited a cancer stricken kids haven in Quezon City to check on them and personally discuss to the owners of the foundation about their donation to the haven. He bonded and talked to the children after his formal meeting with the officers.

He always had a soft spot for children in his heart. He was shook when the nuns showed to him the infant diagnosed with cancer under their assistance. His heart broke for the beautiful child and he felt bad that it is only donation that he can offer.

He gazed at the infant for quite a moment and touched its flushed sensitive cheeks. A smile grew on his lips, the child was so beautiful, he suddenly thought of Leni.

He could only imagine how beautiful their child could be. They wanted it so bad when they were still together. They would always argue whether it's a boy or a girl and who would it look like. He wanted their child to look like her but she wanted it the other way around, they both have planned names and they never agree on anything — it was precious.

Upon thinking about it, a thought hit his mind. Sometimes the most beautiful things in this world aren't meant to last and there's nothing you can do about it than to make the most of it while it's there.

To be continued...