idk there's just something about the way ayan continously pushes akk. he's relentless in it, and yet never goes too far and it's so so interesting to watch because it would be so easy for him to become unlikeable for being too pushy and yet he is one of the kindest, most understanding characters i've literally ever seen
like. in every single episode he challenges something akk is convinced off, pushes him into one direction or the other, brings him to his limits and makes him question things but it's never over the top? it's never too much, it's never ill-intended even if he honestly had ample opportunity and somtimes even reason to go 'too far' because, well. akk took some things too far even if we (and aye) can understand why
aye is just constantly trying to get akk to do the right thing, to see the truth and to acknowledge what's wrong because he knows that ultimately it'll lead to akk being happier, being true to himself. it's not a matter of aye being preachy and pushy and just doing it because he thinks he's right, it's a matter of him caring and wanting to help and genuinely just wanting whats best for people. he could've so easily gotten akk expelled right when he came to suppalo and instead he chose to try and make him see what is wrong with the system because i think, even if he didn't like akk at first, aye understands that he's only partially responsible for the way he acts and that understanding just gets deepened the closer they get
once he actually starts liking akk, caring about him, wanting to see him happy and wanting him it feels like aye really shifts from pushing akk into the right direction just because he can, to pushing him because he wants akk to understand and to see and to be less burdened
the only time he brings akk to a breaking point he's already there to catch the pieces and hold him and make sure that he's okay. he doesn't let akk fall apart alone in the privacy of his room because he knows that he's the one who brought him there even if it was inevitable for akk to crumble under the pressure eventually
and now, with both of their feelings more or less openly on the table (even if akk can't admit it yet, they both know what's there) he continues to push and prod. he wants akk to say it out loud and acknowledge it, wants him to accept it by putting it out in the world, not for some selfish reason but because he can see the pain akk is in, the way he suffers under the strain of keeping everything inside. and he lets akk know that he'll be there, still
aye's gotten to glimpse into akk, got to hold him and be held in return, tell him how he feels and see the truths that akk can't say in his eyes. he's seen the way akk fought his own tears back when he confessed, and felt akk's thumbs move on his jaw as the only show of affection he allowed himself, and he's going to keep pushing. he knows that akk can get to a breaking point that'll turn things around, and he knows that akk likely won't get there alone, and he knows that akk needs someone to catch him when he allows himself to fall
idk if any of this made sense but i just. i love ayan so dearly, he's so careful and considerate in so many things and yet never ready to back down and accept things if he knows they can be improved. he truly just wants whats best for akk and he can see what it is better than akk himself, so he's trying to get him there with as much gentle force as needed.
he's so loving and kind and so so ready to give his love to akk, if only he would accept it
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Minecraft movie trailer dropped this thing looks awful my skin itches just looking at these things
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
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I love that in Catching fire Katniss comes to the conclusion the other tributes are trying to keep Peeta alive because they must see how amazingly perfectly wonderful he is. When in actuality that’s just her having a crush and everyone else recognizing that if Peeta gets hurt Katniss will go fully feral and unhinged and probably try to kill everyone and then herself.
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feeling displaced
[image id: digital illustration of john egbert from homestuck. he is standing partially behind a floating panel with large yellow and blue clouds and a bright sun with the words "Thanks for Playing" floating in the sky being slightly cut off. john's windsock hood is seen trailing off in the white background behind him and draped partially over the panel next to him. he has no expression as he stares at the camera. end image id.]
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