#baby he raped you by proxy and he raped your sister not by proxy

[tired-college-student-writing]

The Painter’s Daughter Ch 4

Summary: Marinette is the daughter of two bakers

Marinette is a happy sometimes naive girl

Marinette is loved to create and make more than they liked to destroy

or was she?

Chapter 1

Chapter 3

Chapter 4 (HERE)

Chapter 5

_________________________________________

“You’re both coming with me,” Helen spoke the second Adrian reappeared from the bathroom, wrapped in Marinette’s oversized pink polka-dotted bathrobe.  The blond looked surprised and suspicious.

“Don’t worry, kid,” Helen continued, “I’m not going to hurt you. I can’t in what little good conscience I have left let anyone become a creep if I can help it, let alone my daughter and her superhero partner.”

“Creep?” Adrian raised his brow at this, edging away slightly.

Helen just rolled his eyes and allowed his glamor to fall, leaving a teenage boy who could have been Marinette’s twin standing where the once lanky man had. He cracked a smile as the boy jumped.

“It’s short for Creepypasta,” He explained, “You’ve probably found our stories before, stories of Jeff the Killer, of Laughing Jack, of Smile Dog, of Slenderman, and thought we were just that, stories. The reality of the situation is Kwamis and Miraculous aren’t the only magic in the world, there’s a much darker side to the unexplainable out there. I and, by extension, Marinette are part of this world. ”

Adrian’s eyes were the size of dinner plates, but even so, a new emotion was flickering in his eye. Most of the time creeps see fear or anger in the eyes of those that discover them, but Adrian has been in such deep broken fear and hurt anger for too long. In his eyes, the father and daughter saw curiosity slowly trickle in.

Marinette smiled softly, “It’s okay Kitty, you’re still safe. Dad’s not going to hurt you.”

Helen snorted, “Even the stupidest creeps have a code. You’re the last person we’d want dead even if you didn’t have a tiny little god of destruction in your pocket. Especially since Marinette likes you so much.”

“Damn straight,” Plagg huffed, tail lashing as if daring the creature to do anything.

“My dad is what’s known as a Proxy,” Marinette explained, “A worker of sorts for a more powerful entity. In his case, he’s a proxy of the Operator, or as you most likely know him, Slenderman. I was conceived after he was made so I fall under the creeps domain as well even though I’m not a creep and will never be a creep unless I commit a murder worthy of my own creepypasta.”

“So all creepypastas are real, and you’re the daughter of,” Adrian’s eyes darted across Helen’s form landing on his pin and the mask attached to his belt, “The Bloody Painter?”

“Ha, you ARE a fan,” Helen snorted.

“And he wants us to come with him because why?”

Plagg winced, floating up to headbutt his user in the cheek, “Kid… he’s worried you’ll become like him. Your sanity is in such a fragile state… it’s worrisome even if you weren’t fighting Hawkmoth. You need to get away from your dad, from Paris and you certainly need to get away from that abusive rapist bitch that broke you before one of us, at best gets akumatized, or worst does something drastic that we can’t take back.”

Adrian cupped the small cat by his face, a single tear running down his cheek as he looked to see the deep understanding of the pair in front of him.  

“Okay,” He said in a soft voice that was barely a breath, “But if we really leave then Paris will be undefended, and won’t people put it together when we leave at the same time as the heroes stop showing up? Can we really leave Paris unde-”

“I have a plan,” Marinette cut in, “but it’s going to take a bit to get into place.”

Helen rolled his shoulders, shifting back into his adult form, “Adrian eat. Let's get some bags packed and put this plan into action.”

_________________________________________

The morning saw Ladybug and Chat Noir swinging through the city with smiles, laughing and greeting the citizens with cheer. When asked why they were out so early they let pain and uncertainty flicker across their faces for a split second, before the smiles were back and they gave some lame excuses about needing a break from their everyday life.

Paris felt a twinge that something wasn’t right that the city couldn’t shake.

When school started Ms. Bustier’s class was surprised and worried to see their principal in their classroom. Adrian was still missing as far as they were aware, they really hoped nothing happened to him.

“Students,” Damocles started once the bell had rung, “Before school today, The Dupain-Chengs came in and informed me that Marinette was being pulled for the rest of the year and moved to homeschooling.”

“What!” Alya yelled, the room breaking into a frenzy.

“SILENCE!” Mr. Damocles barked and patiently waited until the room froze, “Now before any rumors start, they wished for you all to know that Marinette’s birth father had been in a terrible accident and she was on the first plane they could find last night to the United States to be with him as they were not sure if he’d survive very long. She will remain in the US until he is better or until his affairs are put in order. I hope you all do your best to understand and be supportive of her if she reaches out.”

The teacher and principal exit the room soon after with remarks about needing to get the proper paperwork in order for the transfer leaving a shocked classroom.

“Mr. Dupain isn’t her dad?” Alya whispered in shock only for Nino to shrug.

“Well, yeah, Kim and I were invited to the wedding and Marinette told us when she was changing her name. Her dad is some artist from the states, Sabine didn’t give out too many details but it wasn’t hard to put together Mari was a one night stand baby. Her dad was pretty cool though. I hope he’s okay.”

Kim nodded when the class turned to look at him, “ Yeah we met him when he came for her tenth birthday, gave her some really awesome fabric she ended up making into a dress she wore to the school banquet. Apparently, his job is pretty sporadic so he’s not able to visit regularly, but you can tell he really loves Marinette and treated all of us pretty well.”

Chloe snorted, “Speak for yourselves, He gave me the creeps with his stare when I tried to say something to Marinette, made some weird comment about how I’d make a lovely medium for art one day.”

Nathanial gave her a quizzical look, “You mean muse?”

“No? I’m pretty sure I’d remember the ridiculous statement the man-made to me. He definitely said medium.”

“But,” Nathanial muttered, “That makes no sense. A medium is the materials used for an art piece, not the subject of the piece. How could he make you his medium?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

Nino’s phone buzzed and he paled looking down, “Uh dudes, Adrian just posted on his insta, like his model insta.”

The pictures on the post were vaguely graphic, nail marks and bruises littering pale skin in sickly colors. Nothing below the belt but they could see how the bruises fell they extended further then he was showing.  

I’m sorry I ran, but I couldn’t handle the sexual abuse anymore. A fellow model, my father’s muse no less, decided I was hers and wouldn’t take no for an answer. She’s lied and lied so much even my friends from school are convinced we’re a couple but I just want to be able to live my life without the fear of her touching me and spinning tales of how no one will believe me if I spoke out, how she’ll tell the world I raped her if I did. I still feel so dirty after she slipped something into my drink. It didn’t even knock me out, simply made it so I couldn’t move. I’m done. I’m sorry but I’m done.

None of the class could stop the bile from rising in their throats as their eyes flash to Lila who was slowly turning pruce.

_________________________________________

The weekend arrived, with only two Akuma attacks since Marinette left for America, Ladybug and Chat Noir taking care of it swiftly and near silently, their normal banter sporadic at best the first time, almost melancholy the second.

Paris had noticed and was nearing panic. What was wrong with their heroes?

Two siblings found out, as the clock clicked closer to Saturday.

The Couffaine siblings were hanging out on their beds, idly playing music together, already in their PJs. Their mother was out for the night, invited to drinks with Jagged to reconnect after all these years. So when they heard thumps on the deck above they froze.

The fear only reduced slightly as the familiar faces of the city’s heroes appeared from the top of the stairs, though the panic shifted to a different source. Luka shoots worried glances at his sister. How would she react to him being a hero?

“Ladybug, Chat Noir,” He greeted, “What’s wrong? An Akuma?”

“Not right now,” Ladybug responded, face serious but ever so kind, “But we have a large favor to ask both of you.”  

“You know I’m always willing to help,” He answered without hesitation and saw his usually timid sister nod in agreement.

“I’ll do everything I can.”

Chat Noir gave a ghost of his usually cheeky grin, “Can you keep a secret?”

Before either sibling got to ask what he meant the pair was engulfed in bright light. When it faded Marinette and Adrian stood in front of the pair.

“Luka Couffaine,” Marinette said, holding out the box with a broken smile, “This is the miraculous of the Snake.”

“Juleka Couffaine,” Adrian continued, holding out an identical box, “This is the miraculous of the Mouse.”

“We’re entrusting you to use these miraculous to keep Paris safe in our steed,” They replied in unison to the frozen siblings, “Do you accept?”

“What?” Juleka squeaked, “You two…”

Luka took the box with a stony look, “What do you mean in your steed?”

Adrian’s face fell, “Chat Noir and Ladybug are leaving Paris for a while. I’m sure you know why I need to leave, but Mari offered me an escape and needs a break as well.”

Marinette’s steely look silenced any protests, “We’ve been failed too many times. It’s breaking us, if we don’t leave soon we're going to end up akumatized ourselves or worse. We’re entrusting you two with the truth, and with being the main protectors of Paris while we’re gone.”

“We’re handing over an official video tomorrow morning explaining our leave of Absence to Nadja to play during the news cycles, probably all of them,” Adrian said with a hollow laugh, “

“But what about the other miraculous?” Luka asked, “We’re not going to be Ladybug and Chat Noir, and even you need help sometimes. What do we do if we need help?”  

“The Fox is with a male user named Badulf and the monkey with King Monkey. My mama currently has the miraculous box, so if you need to get the Bee to Hachimitsu or the dragon to Kaida she’ll have them,” Marinette continued, “If you need another miraculous I trust you to make the choice of who to give it to with a view exceptions. We don’t need another Aspik incident.”

“In my defense,” Adrian counter, “I have a hard time saying no to anyone, let alone my best friend who was trusting me with a very important task.”  

“Okay,” Juleka let out a shaky sigh, “You need to start from the beginning.”

And so they did. They told the pair about getting their miraculous, about the allies they had taken throughout the years, the ones they didn’t trust anymore, the ones that had hurt them too many times. They told them about how life outside the mask had grown harder and harder and trying not to be akumatized was growing near impossible. They listed the spells and charms they had created to allow the pair to contain the akumas since Ladybug would be gone.

Luka and Juleka held their hands, anger, fury, and sympathy rolling off of them. By the end, Marinette worried they would deal with another akumaztion but Juleka elbowed him with a scowl and he took several deep breaths to calm down.

“Okay,” He said finally, “We’ll take care of the city. You two get better okay,”

“Don’t worry,” Marinette said with a soft smile, “You’re going to stay with my dad. He’s going to make sure we don’t snap under all of the pressure.”

“Take this,” She handed over a notecard with a pair of emails on it, “If something like Syren or Stormy Weather shows up again so I can use Miraculous Ladybug. We believe in you.”

As quickly as they had arrived the heroes had left, leaving the siblings to get to know their kwamis and prepare for the news that would break in only a few short hours on how the safety of the city was now on their shoulders.

“Everything done?” Helen asked once the heroes landed in Bois de Boulogne. Once they nodded he tossed them their backpacks and turned to the tree he already carved the Operator symbol into, opening the portal to the Slender Forest.

“Let’s make this quick,” Helen groaned, “Slender isn’t going to be happy I waited this long to get in touch with him.”

“Do you think now is a good time to give Slender the new tie I made him?”

_________________________________________

Taglist: @crazylittlemunchkin @sassakitty @marinettepotterandplagg

[motheatenscarf]

So, I recently recommended Castlevania to people based on the first 2 seasons, and having now seen the 3rd season I’m still keeping that recommendation but with some pretty strong warnings going in.

The TL;DR version is, I still recommend this series with the caveat that your mileage may vary depending on your tolerance for sexual themes and more specifically your sensitivity toward sexual assault. 

So uh, spoiler in the spoiler disclaimer, but content warning for discussion of the above themes. I apologize to mobile readers; this got long. I only feel the need to say all this because I have in the past recommended this show to people before these elements came into play in the first 2 seasons. So, I kind of owe it to those people who may have taken my recommendation to follow through now.

I’m sure it won’t come as a shock to anyone (or at least I hope it won’t) that Castlevania, the show which introduces its wandering drunk protagonist by having him overhear two inbred shit eating peasants in a bar talking about literal goat fucking, has a pretty cynical view on humanity and is a pretty hard R.

Most of that R rating and cynicism has been in regard to gore and Christianity and I’ve been extremely on board and pettily here for it. For all that it’s a gory mess with plenty of colorful language, however, it’s been extremely restrained when it comes to sexuality. 

For my ace ass, that was kind of an appeal. I’m not opposed to sexuality in my media, but people do tend to make it... egregious and often unbalanced. It often feels that any media that gets that R rating just goes “Fuck it, may as well!” regarding shoehorning its nudity and sexuality. And frankly, censorship laws in the United States are FUCKING ANTIQUATED AS ALL HELL, so a rape scene where the camera ogles the woman’s breasts as she’s assaulted? Yeah, sure, that’s an R. Consensual sex scene that shows no genitalia but the woman in clear arousal? That’s an NC-17 for you. And that’s just women; don’t get me started on queer censorship, we’d be here all day. So, given the country I live in, the fact that I like horror and fantasy, and the fact that I’m an asexual woman, you can maybe see where my stance on sexual themes in any adult oriented media is just, an exasperated sigh as I boredly sit through another rape scene.

So, our first scene in Castlevania S3 is of Alucard, having been alone for the last month now, slowly losing his mind to crippling loneliness and overwhelming guilt after having murdered his father where Trevor and Sypha took him at his word when he said he would be the lone guardian standing vigil over Dracula’s castle and the Belmont library. Turns out he was wrong about being fine, which we knew from last season as it ended with him alone in his room sobbing his heart out, but he’s already losing his grip here as he makes little puppets of Sypha and Trevor to carry conversation with. An eccentricity he fully acknowledges is insane.

Our next scene confirms through dialogue that Trevor and Sypha are now in a sexual relationship, even though they’re only ever shown cuddling up in bed talking about The Plot and various happenings a few episodes later. Nothing explicit is ever depicted between them.

Alucard, on the other hand, picks up a couple of strays who were the thralls of one of the vampires killed last season, specifically the evidently Japanese one named “Cho” and our two new characters............ I had to google their names, Sumi and Taka, are also Japanese. They ask him to train them to kill vampires to protect their clan. Alucard, clearly remembering what he said about “Think of all the things Dracula could have done if he’d put all this knowledge toward helping people instead of giving into his rage and destroying them,” decides to agree and help them. He is clearly trying to be the person his mother would have wanted. Aww. 

Except not aww, Taka and Sumi are two clearly traumatized and deeply flawed people from the masses which this series is, again, extremely cynical toward. They are unsubtley fixated on learning more and more powerful ways to kill vampires and Alucard is pretty chill about it because he can’t see through the 4th wall and hear the ominous music or the glances they exchange when he’s not looking. This is purely for the audience. They at one point have a discussion away from him where they try to psychoanalyze him and decide that his isolation is a self imposed punishment for killing Dracula and that this is as close as he can get to killing himself without actually doing it. THIS IS FOR THE AUDIENCE. Then they mentioned they should give him a reward for what he’s done for them.

What happens next is difficult to break down from their standpoint, as they’re not particularly well developed characters, not being Important Characters but just a duo from the masses which the show dismisses, but if you’ve caught a single frame of Alucard this season, is easy enough to explain from his perspective. They come to him at night when he can’t sleep, tell him he deserves a reward, and proceed to make sexual advances toward him, which he seems somewhat embarrassed and confused by at first before quickly becoming a participant in. Again, it is well established by this point that he desperately misses Trevor and Sypha, whom he was already jealous of the connection between last season, and is profoundly lonely. The sex, which he consents to, is clearly a proxy as it’s all he can get for now. The sex is also, unfortunately, initiated under false pretenses, and ends abruptly when the whole thing turns into a Christ allegory and they pin Alucard in the crucifix position after having betrayed him with a kiss (and then some) and demand he show them the secrets they’re certain he’s hiding from them. Alucard tries to reason with them, still insisting he knows they’re scared but that he’s been nothing but honest with them, but they’re too traumatized and broken to believe him, and so he kills them in self defense, all still right there on the bed where they were having sex. He then, reminiscent of Dracula from the series opening, stakes their bodies before the entrance to the castle as a warning to those who would come to harm him, telling the audience that he is Lisa’s son in many ways, but he is also Dracula’s, and is realizing with time and experience now that his father’s sentiment toward humanity may not have been so misplaced.

So you know. Lot to unpack there...

BUT THAT AIN’T IT, FOLKS!

There’s another, far less interesting (unbiased review here, folks) character named Hector. He’s a forgemaster which means he makes monsters which are loyal only to him. He’s no Isaac (whom I’d mentioned his backstory/characterization just kinda left a general bad taste in my mouth before but OH BABY, AM I CHANGING TUNE ON THAT ONE. Could write a whole review on Isaac but I’m gonna stay focused here) but he’s apparently here to stay, so fine. 

There was an evil femme fatale vampire last season who kinda bored me who tricked Hector into betraying Dracula and then took him captive when she got what she wanted out of him. She did not trick him with sex at least but was still “evil manipulative femme fatale” which... *yawn* In S3 she drags him back to her home country and then proceeds to talk to her own sort of war council on how to get him to make a monster army for them to use that won’t just kill them all.

The lesbian vampire war council are fuckin interesting and I love 2 of them. The other one is an actually evil seductress femme fatale who DOES manipulate him with sex. Yay. How original. Well at least there are finally enough interesting, compelling women in the story that this isn’t our token evil female vampire so it’s easy for me to shrug off and forgive. All you need to know about Hector is he played with dead animals as a kid, it freaked his parents out when he kept reviving dead things, he killed them, now he’s a dead critter loving sensitive weirdo who was willing to participate in a “humane cull” that would leave the human race in essentially livestock pens for vampires. 

So the entire time the red headed femme fatale is trying to get him to see that she’s not so bad, vampires can be civil, we don’t want what Dracula wanted, my sister didn’t trick you she appealed to your reason, blahblahblah, she’s calling him a “good boy” and leading him on, i fucking quote, “walkies” with a leash. There’s also a comment that she tended to an injured spider once. So,, y’know, she’s him, which means she’s best suited to manipulating him. And Hector even admits to being aware of what she���s doing and calls her out on it, but he’s trapped and doesn’t have much of a choice other than to go along with what she does and weirdly seems almost content at times. His weird naturalist... weirdness probably gives him some inferiority complex when it comes to vampires, I don’t know, his backstory and motive are not connected in the least and I’m frankly not interested enough in this character to give him much contemplation since it’s pretty clear there wasn’t much going into his creation. Anyway. Long story short, she eventually, with only technically lying to him about the purpose of a particular ring she wears, lures him into having sex with her and in the heat of passion has him swear loyalty to her before slipping a cursed ring on him which binds him exactly as he’d just sworn, essentially making him a slave. The sex, again, also stops here, but she makes some extremely unsettling comments later on about how he was surprisingly good at sex and she might “train him.” Which.... where to begin other than yikes, and why, and, where in the hell was a guy who played with dead animals supposed to learn to eat a bitch out like that anyway??

This is where we also, tying the themes together, learn that one of the allies Trevor and Sypha have been teaming up with was a child killer the whole time. They only learn this after he dies helping them fight the evil that had come to his town (and after the most iconic line of the season; “What the fuck is toilet paper?”) which they accomplish, but not before failing to save anyone in the village, which was consumed in an evil ritual. They’re alone again, with a distraught Sypha realizing what Trevor had tried to forget by getting caught up in her optimism, that, say it with me now;

So there is your mostly unbiased spoilery context for the scenes in question. You can make up your own mind from there if that’s something you can handle, I’m gonna go on to add a few of my own thoughts which do not represent how I believe anyone else should interpret the show, this is purely my own train of thought here.

Sex consented to under false pretenses is still rape. I don’t know that I would personally classify these as “rape scenes,” but that’s just me. The reaction of the characters afterward makes me think Hector’s comes closer than Alucard’s, but the fact that both have appropriate reactions to being sexually betrayed makes me think that’s mostly what people are talking about when they say either one was raped. Hector later falls to his knees in a panic and hopelessness as he realizes “You made me a slave, my life is over,” and Alucard just lays there on the floor where he murdered his father as he weeps silently in contemplation of his own despair. That’s... some heavy shit, and I can, again, easily see where someone with a history of abuse or assault can be completely traumatized all over again watching this. As for the leeriness/attempting to be titilating/making rape “sexy” that a lot of adult fantasy/horror does... eh? I’m asexual, none of it’s sexy to me, and I was paying attention to the visual and audio cues the entire time that were making the audience aware with their ominous music, flashing between sex and battles against evil, and watching the instigators (Taka and Sumi, and Lenore the femme fatale vampire) as the camera focused on their scheming faces. The camera in Alucard’s scene especially just seemed to want to show us how sad and lonely he is, but that was pretty well established by that point and I know a sex scene devolving into a murder scene is jarring for people.

The themes of the season were manipulation, trust, and betrayal. Hector’s story reaches a pivotal turning point the moment the ring is slipped on him. Could it have been implemented differently than through the femme fatale seduction route? Absolutely, the show hadn’t really adopted sexual themes until this season and probably could have done so without it. She’d already lied to Hector an said that the rings were symbols she and her sisters wore to unite them, she could have been lying and welcomed him to join them and gotten him to swear loyalty to them in a ceremony after spending more time getting him to trust her. It was dumb and unnecessary and probably added in there just so maybe Alucard wasn’t the sole bearer of such an experience, or maybe because they shifted his plotline to fit in with the established themes, or maybe they could only sneak a bisexual threesome past the censors if they threw in more straight sex. What can I say? The cynicism of this show is relatable.

Alucard’s was less “Yikes” for me because he was never in a position where he didn’t have emotional or physical power over Taka and Sumi, he was a mentor to them who made no sexual advances whatsoever and seemed to only want to participate in their advances because it temporarily made him feel loved and worthy only to have the rug pulled out from under him and remind him that much more painfully of how alone he is, and how right his father may have been, and how wrong he was for killing him. Could this have been done without a sex scene? Yep, it always can. I know what the writers were trying to convey and I personally don’t have an issue with it and see its effectiveness, but I fully acknowledge another hour of spitballing in the writer’s room would have avoided that. I don’t necessarily think it’s a good or bad thing that they included this, it just... is, for me. I personally think if they’re going to confirm the sexual relationship between Trevor and Sypha, though, and then show us that Alucard is clearly missing them, there’s kinda one natural conclusion to make on how Alucard’s relationship with these two was going to go. I actually think it should have been better established and more time should have been spent on his relationship with them and depicted it as romantic/sexual from an earlier stage rather than just seemingly coming out of nowhere to people who hadn’t realized, “Oh, they’re his proxies,” earlier. I personally found it more tragic than traumatizing, but I don’t have a history of sexual abuse, so that is my own biased interpretation. If someone has that experience, I would not blame them in the least for finding this unpalatable.

Other arguments I’ve seen are, why is the only bi character shown to go through this kind of trauma? I mean, Alucard is our only confirmed bi character left for now, but Isaac is heavily implied to be queer, and again. Cynical universe. And he isn’t the only character period to go through it. They’re not singling him out because he’s bi, he’s just going through a character arc and is bi. I acknowledge again it could have been handled better but I don’t necessarily think this is biphobia so much as it is... unfortunate tone deafness. Tokenism is the problem, not Alucard’s bisexuality, so here’s hoping that we get another bi or queer character soon because as of right now, it’s just rife with unfortunate implications. I had this exact issue with Isaac’s backstory/characterization last season as our lone man of color with a major role and they immediately fixed his arc this season along with introducing several new characters of color and it was honestly the highlight of the season, so... the writers have proven to me that they can learn from their mistakes and spin my suspicion into HYPE, so I’m willing to give them through season 4 to see what they do with it.

I have also seen the argument for, why are the only Japanese characters tricky and sexually manipulative? Well, because they’re human and the show is extremely cynical in its depiction of humanity, we’ve just mostly seen that with white Europeans so far. As I mentioned before, tokenism is the problem. Is it annoying to see a sexually manipulative femme fatale vampire? Yes. Can I live with it and shrug it off a helluva lot easier when we get butch warrior vampire and tactical genius vampire talking back and forth about how they plan to conquer and drink an entire nation while espousing their affection for one another? Also yes!  While we do finally get a lot more characters of color this season who are fleshed out and beautifully complex and sympathetic, I think Taka and Sumi could have been better explored, since their mistrust of Alucard makes sense but their decision to have sex with him in order to get his guard down is... really not apparent other than through speculation with 0 textual evidence to support it. I don’t think they’re sexually manipulative because they’re Japanese, I think they’re sexually manipulative because the plot calls for it and they happen to be the only Asian characters we have for now and the writers made another pretty tone deaf decision. Behind the scenes, I do wonder if they were chosen from specifically Cho’s court just so the animators had an excuse to draw her some more/get that Japanese audience invested. Orientalism is a helluva thing here in the west though, and the sexualization of east Asians is especially fucked up and I’m not gonna say this did not have catastrophically tone deaf implications. I hope we get more Asian characters with a nuanced depiction, and even though they are the only Asian characters, they are not the only sexual abusers and they are far from the only sympathetically broken but dangerous characters we see.  

This is also, I’m fairly certain, a dual-studio production, and I do know Castlevania is a Japanese video game series based on European vampire stories, and in the endless love letter between Japanese and American media, some things gets botched in the exchange. That doesn’t excuse it, and that doesn’t mean it isn’t harmful, but I also don’t think it means “Cancelvania.” But I’m Mexican-American, and Not Asian-American, or more specifically Japanese-American, so, this is purely my perspective. 

I won’t defend the choices, I certainly won’t argue with people who draw a line in the sand and say “This is unacceptable, I won’t watch this,” that’s a valid perspective to have. To me, the writers through Isaac have proven they know when and how to correct course when they need to, so I’m cautiously optimistic that this was all build up for a dynamite season 4 if/when we get it. The show is cynical, I’m cynical, but I can recognize careful writing when I see it, and to me the highlights of this unrepentantly stupid fucking show that I kinda love are gonna be worth sticking through the stuff that makes me wrinkle my nose with concern because I want to see where it goes. A time may come when that stops being the case, but for me it hasn’t reached that point yet. I completely understand if it has for anyone else though.

[nurseconscience]

THE MUN WATCHES. The Resident - 2xx09 - The Dance - MID SEASON FINALE.

Okay. Here we go. HERE WE GO.

I AM SO READY FOR THIS.

Okay at first I thought this was like a hallucination scene but it is not. ....What the fuck are you doing. What the fuck, Pravesh. I 1000% like Julian right now. All of her reactions are good. Do not make her the reason for your marriage not happening. Go, Julian!

Mina’s dress already looks AMAZING. And I see Nic’s blue dress from the previews. Aaaayyyeeeee.

THE COMMUNITY CLINIC. Damn. This shit is happening fast. I love this whole scene so far. Nic and Mina are dropping those numbers. They have thought this through and are badasses. Take care of your community. <3 Also, Nic watching Marshall closely and then Marshall collapsing. NOOOOOOOOOOOO. :( Don’t let her future father-in-law die. <3 I really do love him. I don’t think he is as bad as Conrad says. Either he’s gotten better or Conrad had child/mom pref. blinders on.

He has Crohn’s? I have a lot of friends with it. 

Marshall looking at Nic and going ‘They’re ganging up on meeee’. I adore him liking Nic. It’s so cute. 

LAWL. HODAD’s lawyer makes me laugh. I hate him but also he speaks my language of sass and sarcasm.

Um. You want Lane to get off ( .....again... ) Like a doctor that RAPED his patients? I take everything back.. I really do hate him.

Ugh. QuoVadis. Fuck this place. 

I am SO HERE for Julian being short and pissy at her job. I really do love her. I always loved her I just didn’t like what they were doing with her in regards to Devon. Like...I do enjoy their chemistry but I am not here for her being the reason that Devon and fiancee don’t work out.

‘I can heeeeaaar you.’

#Bless Marshall Winthrop

MARSHALL JUST GLARIN’ AT HODAD. SO FUNNY.

And his loveliness with Nic. Just. 

NIC. “Talk to your dad like you talk to all of your patients.”

CONRAD THINKS HIS DAD LEFT HIS MOM AND HIS DAD JUST SAID THE OPPOSITE AND PAUSED AFTER CONRAD ‘CORRECTED’ HIM. I SMELL LIES. I SMELL MARSHALL PROTECTING HIS SON’S MEMORY OF HIS MOTHER.

‘I don’t want to be a burden.’ ‘You do not have to take care of me.’

I just.......... MARSHALL.

omg. Irving and Bradley. I love them.

JULIAN PLAYIN NANCY DREW.

GUYS. I am so worried they are going to murder Julian.

Oh look. The lab that existed is now gone again. IMAGINE THAT

SHOCKING.

The Raptor is so good at dealing with people even if he doesn’t want to be. lol 

Awwwwww. Marshall turns to Nic to explain things.

LAWL. “Anybody but Bell.” HOW CAN YOU HATE HIM. LMFAO. BEAUTIFUL.

oh wow. Marshall listed Conrad as his medical proxy and Conrad is freaking out. I love that Nic is just calm about all this and is not letting Conrad derail himself or try and get out of his reasoning to not be it. 

Irving doing a magic trick. Bless this man. “Is losing your sense of humor part of the marriage vows?” // “I’ll be by the elevators. Pacing.”

Is Devon’s mother telling him to just marry Priya?? Please no. [ My sister watched some c-drama last night and at one point this guy was guilted to get engaged the younger sister of his former best friend {or rather one of his group of close friends; she died in a car accident and he was driving). The younger sister was in love with him and tried to kill herself because he didn’t like her. So then the family and a mutual friend basically guilted him into getting engaged to her because she was going to kill herself otherwise INSTEAD OF GETTING HER MENTAL HELP. NO. LET US JUST MAKE THIS GUY THAT HAS NO FEELINGS FOR HER MARRY HER. ] okay good. She was not.

Oh god. Is that FDA guy going to be in the pocket of her work? Julian worry level is increasing.

Oh shit. ......Maybe HODAD will want her killed? Because QuoVadis is about to have a whistle blown on them......

Awwwww. Is Conrad going to ask Raptor/Mina to do his dad’s surgery?? Because that would be super cute. I would love that. 

There are so many cute Nic moments in this episode. GOD. I NEED NIC AND CONRAD TO HAVE A BABY. Can’t tell if it is just me or Nic. Either way feeling a bit baby crazy. 99% sure that it is Nic going baby crazy.

Look at my babiessssss. They both look so lovely. ‘We don’t have to leave right away.’ Good Nic. I love her encouraging Conrad to be with his dad. That is a NOICE suit. OH. OOOOOHHHH. HERE IT COMES. ‘Do you want the truth?’

Oh shit. Mommy fell in love with the neighbor. This is some Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time stuff right here. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww. Marshall is making me want to cry. He is so loving and understanding of his dead wife even though they had their differences.. GOD. I LOVE THIS MAN. A+. THEY BETTER NOT KILL HIM. I WILL RIOT.

“I’m glad you came back.”

CONRAD JUST SAID I LOVE YOU TO HIS FATHER.

MARSHALL’S LIP WOBBLING. 

THESE GUYS AND THEIR FEELS. MY HEART.

.....................

I called it.

Julian why would you announce who you were meeting. Especially if it is the FDA. This was all covert. Don’t say that shit out loud. That is how you get murdered.

75% of the way done and I am SO FUCKING PLEASED.

But now I am worried I have been lulled into a false sense of security....

Julian I am 100% with you, babe.

NO. NO SHE IS NOT A TEAM PLAYER. YOU ARE RIGHT. BECAUSE YOU A LIAR.

I’m sorry. Did Nic just say she doesn’t want kids? Conrad also looked SUPER surprised at that declaration. She keeps lighting up when around children or interacting with them. She is so freaking good with them. WHAT IS THIS. 

Is this because of the miscarriage?                  I know she said something about currently having to take care of Jessie but she can’t use her sister as an excuse. I’m thinking Nic has some PTSD from the miscarriage. It is very common and super not talked about. I know she has a lot of things going on. Probably a lot of pent up feelings. Her mom dying when Nic was young, Jessie and her drug problems, the miscarriage, Conrad and his frustrating problems with opening up.  But the last few episodes it seems like Nic is pretty happy but as we all know depression is easy to hide from others. And we saw that panic attack at Halloween. Definitely anxiety to some degree.

omg. Irving. ‘Hey guys. any of you seen Devon?’ Not good.

I am not okay with any of this. Devon is that guy that I hate. Like. How dare you do this to her on this day. ‘Why did you wait until now to tell me?’ 

‘you have humiliated me. and you think this little speech gets you off the hook?’

I give Priya 100% permission to murder her ex-fiancee.

SO. How the fuck is this going to go over when he goes downstairs and tells them he is calling it off?

Oh no. The dad is going to have a complication post-surgery isn’t he? Is it because of Mina rushing at that one point? Jeez. They are laying on the parallel between him and Marshall thick.

OH GOD.

MARSHALL.

NO. GET HIM SURGERY RIGHT NOW.

FUCK IS HODAD GOING TO BE THE ONLY ONE ON CALL RIGHT NOW????

Because if not, FUCK.

......FUCKING HELL.

MOTHER FUCKER. AND NIC HAD THEM TURN OFF THEIR PHONES. GOD DAMN IT

HODAD YOU KILL HIM I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU.

AND NOW JULIAN IS GOING TO DRIVE INTO A DITCH SOMEWHERE

Why is everyone still chilling at the not-wedding???? TURN YOUR PHONES BACK ON. TURN THEM ON RIGHT NOW.

IT IS TIME TO RIOT.

JESUS CHRIST

Yes, Julian you are being followed. Maybe she pretends to crash her car? Or not. She legit ran off the road. Fuck.

Okay but....Nic and Conrad dancing together with no music was super sweet and I am pissed that nice moment was ruined but HIS DAD BETTER NOT DIE. AND WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT NIC NOT WANTING KIDS RIGHT NOW.

Preview: Okay. So it looks like HODAD shares a look with Conrad from the operating suite. and it looks like a not good one...but then there is another clip that looks like Conrad at his dad’s bed post surgery??? HE BETTER LIVE. 

[it-goes-both-ways]

Over the last few years I've been posting more and more of my actual views, which I'm not exactly ashamed of but realise they're not so much unpopular opinions as downright rejected ones. I pretty much know why I have them, I'm aware of my biases and make every effort to restrict them to words, not allowing them to affect my relationships or treatment of others, restricting the hyperbole and rants to this blog and my long suffering partner. Unfortunately I seem to attract the worst kind of women in real life, which is not at all helping. Every time I reveal something I worry about being rejected, told I'm a monster, a failure, a disgrace, an embarrassment, but each and every time I've gotten nothing but acceptance. I am greatly honoured by your support thus far, for tolerating my increasingly frustrated outbursts and hope I won't push you away with this, but it's been all consuming for almost my whole life, and part of “cleaning up my room” is putting all that baggage out there to be scrutinised and hopefully understood, sometimes all that is needed is a willing ear, suppression only breeding resentment and isolation.

All the bullshit feminism has caused, from protesting the male pill and shutting down shared parenting efforts to the Duluth model and erasing men who are raped by women or by counting them under "violence against women" stats to boost the female victim numbers. Mary Koss, the progenitor of the 1 in 5/4/3/-69/ π r2 stat claiming that it's "inappropriate" to consider male victims of forceful envelopment by women as they are merely ambivalent about their own desires. Lobbying for laws that regard mutually drunk sexual encounters as automatically rape by men, underage consensually sexually active couples (even if they're months away from age of consent or the girl is older) as child rape on the part of the boy, guilty until proven innocent, accusation is the evidence, kangaroo courts, sentencing discounts on top of the preexisting bias which causes a 63% disparity and difference in treatment to the point where if you take every step of the justice system into account the crime rate is pretty damned even (with women often using proxy violence so they have plausible deniability, and avoid responsibility/physical risk). Treating women as the definitive victims of prostitution no matter which side of the transaction they're on. Banning men from charity fundraising events, transpeople only allowed if they provide evidence that they are biologically female. Having the NHS class women choosing to have genital piercings as being victims of female genital mutilation, while male genital mutilation performed at birth is not so much as frowned upon let alone illegal by any single country on the entire twatting planet. In fact you can buy some baby foreskins if you want to, or rub them on your face, the target market being protected from the very process that brought them their anti-ageing face cream, complaining that it costs more than men's moisturiser.

The innate gynocentrism of humanity has always led to women being their top priority, now even above children, it tries to pander, and acquiesce to their every demand while being told it hates them. The cases like the woman who filmed herself raping her own baby and getting the oh so harsh sentence of community bloody service and house arrest. The "poor, neglected" woman whose husband had become distant from her (wonder why) so she raped her son's friend, whose punishment was being banned from his school, which she considered too harsh as she missed her son's graduation. An audience of hundreds of normal regular women cheering and celebrating a man being drugged by his wife, who then cut off his penis and threw it in the "garbage disposal" permanently destroying it, just for asking for a divorce (can't think why he'd want to leave), despite no further context it was declared "fabulous" to the ecstatic jubilation of the empathetic sex. There's the idea that men commit the vast majority of rapes while calling female teachers "seducing" their students mere trysts, shameful liaisons that do not deserve prison, female prison guards committing the overwhelming majority of rape of male children and youths in juvenile detention (89%), among other women who rape men and boys (my own mother being one of them), this in addition to the rape rate among female prisoners being 3 times that of male ones, not a single damned thing is done about the propagation of the bullshit narrative. Somehow the fact that female rapists tend to target children is irrelevant because male ones target adult women, and "you don't see women going around raping adult men" (even though the stats are still around 50/50 because it's a human problem, unless those women are exhibiting toxic masculinity or something). There's the 10,000 men and boys slaughtered in their schools by Boko Haram while girls were released and allowed to go home, the boys being set on fire, their throats slit, or shot if trying to escape, no one giving the slightest hint of the merest ghost of a toss, until they realised that they weren't getting the attention they craved so they kidnapped girls, causing an international outcry and the media/celebrities changing their motivation from "eradicate western education" to "oppress women and stop them getting an education". There's the refusal by both the left and the right to look beyond the plight of women when it comes to Islam, they not only ignore the laws which oppress men, but declare those men the "real" misogynist patriarchal oppressors and innately sociopathic rapists. There's the refusal to recognise that women are a part of society and have far more influence than anyone wants to admit. There's Muslim men's obligation towards women, the segregation in Saudi where they have many public places from which men are banned unless accompanied by a female family member, where they'll be arrested for accompanying a woman to whom he is not related while the woman is merely sent home, where men face potentially fatal consequences for the same "crimes". Where homeless boys in Pakistan are pretty much guaranteed to be repeatedly raped day after day.

Then in my own life, being 6 or 7 years old, my sister 8 or 9 and told to stay put as our Reliant Robin went up in flames, having to be pulled out by a stranger, a man, because we were more afraid of disobeying than of burning to death, mother not even sparing us a glance as she grieved the loss of her car, later keeping it in the garden like some sort of shrine. Around the same year, at an LRP event (Lorien Trust's The Gathering), being left in the tent alone late at night and going to look for her, finding her on top of an unconscious man, she at least picked up on the fact that I was revelling in her severe hangover the next morning. Sneaking downstairs one night to see the aftermath of one of her "encounters", the man was broken, so started my extreme protectiveness of men and distrust of women, to the point of being called a gender traitor for the first time at around 7 years old by my 60+ year old year 1 teacher (who also wouldn't allow me to use left handed scissors or to write left handed, unwittingly making me ambidextrous. Being left with a violent babysitter who made me sleep under the table, or on the floor beside her bed (despite having 4 bloody beds), who wouldn't let me eat since burning the toast, beat me for asking for a glass of water and wouldn't even allow me to drink out of the tap, she once threw me in a wheely bin and poured dishwater over me, mother was in the garden just a few doors down, yet did nothing. She’d always try and get her boyfriends to beat us but they always just laughed it off (they’d put up with abuse themselves but never lasted long after she started bringing us into it), one in particular was into BDSM and later got mother a job as a dominatrix (she was disappointed by our complete lack of surprise), and even he had to draw the line at demonstrating how sexual intercourse works to his girlfriend’s 6 and 8 year old daughters.

My sister and I as little more than toddlers, mother putting our onesies on backwards so we couldn't take them off, having to go to the loo with them still on. Having the door handles put on upside down so that we couldn't reach up enough to open it to get to the loo so we ended up pissing ourselves. Having a daily diet of four slices of bread and the cheapest of generic vegetable spread as we weren't allowed mother's butter, being starved as punishment or just because she felt like it (having won custody of us only to spite dad), leading to malabsorption and osteoarthritis at the grand old age of twenty bloody six (3 years ago now), once a week we got an actual meal. Being around 8 or 9, visiting my auntie who was in hospital after having a stroke, having already had MS she was left paralysed, just 23 years old, granddad put together a system for her to speak by grouping letters and having her blink once for the stated grouping or letter or twice for basically undo. I gave her my only teddy which I carried everywhere, a stuffed donkey I got from Spain, she kept it. Staying in her house, continuing my habit of accidentally setting fire to the toaster, being left alone most of the night and going to look for mother in the village pub, finding her in one of her drinking competitions, walking in and vagblocking her, much to her frustration and anger. Being treated like a replacement husband, even trying to talk me into having a sex change despite only mild dysphoria, which was later greatly lessened by having an implant which stopped periods, eliminating most of the feeling of wrong (most cases of sex change regret are people who were abused, either treated like shit for their biological sex, treated as if they are opposite sex, or sexual abuse). Hearing about how the only way she'd get any when she was with dad was when he was asleep. Why did he end up dying a slow, agonising death while she gets to carry on regardless? Asking me about who I liked, later discovering exactly why she wanted to know, a man I care about was raped because I didn’t pick up on her ulterior motives. Having mother and her friends try to teach me to manipulate men, get them to pay for me, trying to turn me into a gold digger, only making me hate them even more. Coming of age (16), no longer eligible for child benefit, mother having been visiting friends more and more often until she didn't come back, only finding out that she'd been gradually moving out when we got the eviction order.

I'd been training myself to eventually join the army from the age of 5, once when I was 6 mother had asked me to go to the supermarket to get a bag of potatoes, she usually got a 20kg sack, must have taken me an hour to get it home, a man helping me carry it some of the way. When I finally enlisted I had to stop taking codeine for the malabsorption, it wasn't as much of a problem if I was eating every day (I usually forget as my body had been conditioned by neglect, not even bothering to remind me to eat any more), my hips had always made crunching and cracking sounds when I move, but as my body adjusted to the lack of codiene the pain became unbearable, upon being diagnosed with osteoarthritis I had to give up any hope of ever being a soldier, I've lost my purpose, and have nothing to replace it with, couldn't even work a whole shift when I got a factory job, humiliating, I'd informed the woman of my condition and she'd assured me that it was just a machinist job. It wasn't. It was everything you shouldn't do if you have any sort of hip problems. I'd never felt such agony and I'd fractured my bloody skull (at an LRP event). The woman was such a nasty bitch about it, she went from compassionate and understanding to mocking me for being upset that I was so damned useless now. I offered to forfeit my pay but her colleague, who also had arthritis and could no longer work the floor, was obviously far more genuinely empathetic than the woman, my brief boss was also sympathetic and even paid for a taxi to take me home after I refused an ambulance. The pain didn't subside for days.

I've never had a female friend who hasn't betrayed me, my "best friend" in school found it hilarious to punch me in the back in the middle of class, causing me to yell inadvertently as the air was knocked out of me. In year 8 the other kids stepped up their game and went from throwing stones to a house brick, when I got back to school she asked where the stitches were, just so she could punch me and reopen the wound. I was never allowed to retaliate, it would always be me who would be threatened with expulsion even if I only snapped after years of beatings which everyone knew was happening. Every birthday the other kids would falsely accuse me of something so I'd have to spend break times stood outside the headmaster's office, the equivalent of the stocks. Whether it was asperger's making me so unlikeable or if I genuinely am just a massive thundercunt, I never found out what I did to provoke them. Every time I put my trust in a woman it gets thrown in my face. My neighbour decided she was my best friend for life and would call at all hours of the day and night to get me to pick up her bloody methadone twice a bloody week, go to the chippy at 11 o'bloody clock at night, she's always trying to get me to take the pills she buys off a disabled neighbour. There are three things I refuse to take, hormones, anti-depressants, and sleeping tablets and she's always trying to get me to take them. The last straw was when her husband, who I got on very well with and whom she abused constantly, died, I told her to be careful what she wished for. When I finally called her out on using me she leapt immediately to the "after all I've done for you" bollocks.

Time after bloody time it's the same damned story, even regular everyday normal women will talk about things that would get a man arrested or at least publicly lambasted, that erections equal consent, that MGM is not at all a violation of the right to bodily autonomy, that it's absolutely fine and dandy to hit your male partner only to call the police if he defends himself, that female paedophiles shouldn't be punished because boys always want sex no matter what age they are but girls mature younger, right the way back to "We should have the vote but not have to pay with our lives as men had to in their millions while we shamed men and even underage boys into doing the same". What terrified me as a child was women's ability to completely turn off their empathy, the "woman scorned" is seen as karmic justice, there are people defending even the most brutal crimes:  assault, murder, rape, mutilation, over something as minor as rejection, or an accidental drive by fart, or just the crime of being a man who wanted a divorce. Empathetic sex my absolute arse.

A fellow MRA publicly humiliated Adam on a livestream when we went to the men's day march and conference, we were staying in an air B&B, Adam and Will Styles still riding the high of giving their first speeches, only for the woman to dredge up shit that was no one's bloody business and ruin the whole mood for no bloody reason, she also attacked 6oodfella on one of the hangouts. Another one was giving private information, with a vicious twist, poisoning the community against one of our group, Paul Elam didn't want to get involved and Janice Fiamengo immediately cut ties, treating him like a bloody criminal, what the hell did the woman say to her? I could see the Woolly Bumblebee thing coming a mile off, I worry whenever youtubers I like get girlfriends because they seem to either completely change or disappear, like Spino and Bread and Circuses respectively. I'm suspicious of female MRAs, I don't want to be but often even the sane ones are just tradcons. If it weren't for the Honeybadgers and you lot I'd have no hope at all.

The constant stream of "toxic masculinity", oppression, patriarchy, of women complaining that their air conditioned (which is also bloody sexist somehow), seated jobs at a till are paid less than the men (and women but they're not going to mention that) carrying heavy boxes, driving forklifts, working in a cold warehouse, and risking serious injury or death infinitely more than they ever will. The selfishness, solipsism, and sociopathy is too much. Throughout history women have never cared about men aside from ones they have a bond with, have never appreciated a damned thing men have done yet they demand that men prioritise them. Why should they?

I’ve seen and experienced the worst examples of female nature in action, “toxic femininity” if you will, and the difference in reaction to it, never being believed as a child no matter how many times I begged other family members and even strangers to please let me live with them instead, I’ll sleep in a tent, look I brought it with me. Pathetic, but you’d have thought someone would have cottoned on. I'm not going down the anti-women route as my sister has, given her own treatment of her partners and her own admission, she’s not so much pro male as anti-female, but it’s increasingly difficult not to resent them even if everything has a biological explanation. I still defend women if the facts bear it out, even if I don’t necessarily agree on a personal level, reals over feels, the people I agree with most also being female has definitely helped me not fall over the edge, one of whom feels very much as I do to the point where she doesn’t consider herself to be a woman due to her own observations and experiences. But the longer this goes on, the more laws are changed, media is poisoned, speech is suppressed, how the hell do I stop myself from just giving up entirely? How on earth can I stop myself from becoming an all out misogynist? Because it is women, not just feminists. It’s female nature being allowed to go unchecked, even when the same happens with male nature women are still prioritised. There are exceptions on both sides but it’s not enough to change the overall trend. There’s never been a balance, and because of human nature there never will be, which is where the problem lies. I know there’s no hope, that it’s utterly futile, completely pointless, and it’s driving me more towards extremism. I completely understand why we’ve lost so many MRAs to suicide. But I’m still going, even if the only way to make even the slightest change is to appeal to female self interest I’ll still do it. Everything I’ve been passionate about throughout my life is a pointless endeavour, I can’t stop myself from caring or change my fundamental character, it’s a downward spiral and there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do about it.

[bizarropurugly]

Quicky summary of Zed and Candler’s lives under cut 

tw for rape mention, pedophilia mention, child abuse, pregnancy mention, etc

Zed first:

Zed was given up for adoption as a baby by his parents because of traditionalist values they had about fertility, and it had been determined zed would never be able to have kids. They gave him to a demigod named Nanny who took care of kids without families, and he was her last child. He had a pretty happy childhood in which he knew Candler briefly (Candler would soon after be put up for adoption by his abusive family), and he was homeschooled but still had plenty of socialization.

He had a girlfriend for a while as a teen but when she found out he was unisex (everyone in his race has the same body parts) she broke up with him over some cissexist crap, which made him realize he wasn't really interested in relationships at the moment? Instead he focused on his studies, having decided he wanted to be a baker. He was a good student so he got into advanced placement stuff, and started college early.

That's when his sister Zen found him, who was excited to reintroduce him to their family and invited him over to her apartment. But it turned out to be a trap, she had lured him to a hotel and sexually assaulted him repeatedly, implying she was going to kill him. She dehumanized him severely by stating his lack of fertility made him not a person anymore, and kept calling him slut/whore/bitch during the act. He managed to escape but in the process fell off a balcony so he was sent to the hospital by bystanders, but nobody saw her and he refused to turn her in. After that he became incredibly docile and passive and an easy target for cruel people, and didn't get into relationships at all, period, not even friendships. This was compounded by the fact his sister kept finding him and tormenting him further.

But he managed to become a successful baker and bought a building that was a cafe on the ground floor and a home on the second floor. Some time later he heard about a local craft shop that was under threat of closure, and he sent them some goodwill and money. Turns out it was a shop Candler had opened to sell candles and other wax items, and he came to see Zed and was incredibly excited to meet with him again. However he had a unhealthy obsession with Zed and was often a harassing nuisance more than anything, constantly hitting on him, having no idea about personal space, etc. But he managed to worm into Zed's heart at least enough that, when it came time again that Candler had no money, Zed invited him to live with him so he wouldn't have to be doing the dangerous things he was doing for money.

After some time of living together, Candler realized Zed had been sexually assaulted because Zed had a shut down from Candler's pestering, recognizing his own behaviour in Zed's lack of response, and made a promise to pull back the shenanigans while also swearing to find his assailant and killing them. Not long after, Zen tried to attack Zed again and Candler walked in on it, and managed to get Zed away from her and beat her up. From Zed's point of view she never bothered him again after that and he assumed she had finally become a better person, but in reality Candler kidnapped her and left her for dead among his gang mates.

After that the two got closer, with Candler not only being less abusive but also just in general learning gradually about all the things that are Not Okay that he had internalized, and that what he was doing wasn't really love, but obsession. He became a much better person, which was when Zed finally started getting more feelings for him. But of course, it was freaking him out because of the years of repression, the history of abuse, etc, he had never really had a sexual interest in his life. A lot of confusion and awkward stuff happened but eventually Zed confessed his feelings and they got together. Still more confusion and awkward stuff for a while, though, as they both work towards a healthier idea about relationships and stuff.

Some drama happened in which Candler tried to escape the gang he was in, which then attacked Zed, which lead to Zed being told that Candler had killed people, including Zed's sister, and supposedly had assaulted people, which made Zed question their entire relationship of course, but before he could really deal with that, Candler was hospitalized and put into a coma over the rescue attempt, and Zed discovered Candler had been planning to propose, which made things... a lot harder to deal with. When Candler comes to, Zed demands he talk about literally everything in his life, which meant confessions of violence, though the sexual abuse was actually "by proxy" (as in, he was being forced with physical violence and death threats, and this all happened while he was a teen, so *he* didn't actually do it). For a while it was very awkward between them, it was difficult to wrestle with, but in the end Zed forgave him.

They get married soon after that, and soon after that they discover Zed is pregnant, which turns out to be twins, and that was some incredible hardship for both of them but everything turns out. The reason Zed became pregnant was literally a miracle - the god of their world, Tito, has a mortal disguise of which Zed and Candler knew personally, and the demigod Nanny was created by Tito as a way to take care of himself, and so as Nanny's last kid he decided to grant Zed a brief moment of fertility as a "wedding present". Of course they don't know he's really a god and that he did that, they just know there was a miracle and they couldn't be happier. 

And now Candler:

Candler was born into an abusive family. His family was also traditionalist with his race's values of having as many kids as possible, and they also always have twins, triplets, etc, but his parents had a hard time conceiving. Candler only had 3 older siblings, and was born with a stillborn twin. They treated him terribly, basically taking out their frustrations on him, including not letting him go to school and leaving him alone at home, and not getting him any toys or clothes or anything. In fact, the first time they left him with a babysitter, he was genuinely afraid they would never come back - because they would definitely be back for their stuff, but if he's not at home then they have no reason to come back.

But it was when he was being left at a babysitter's that he met Zed, and Zed was basically the only kid who was nice to him and actually wanted to be his friend (because the other kids took from the adults, who took from his parents that he was a problem child). He developed a crush on Zed, but never got to express it because he was so painfully shy. After his little twin sisters were born, they all three got dropped off at an orphanage.

The orphanage was really awful and this was when he first experienced sexual abuse. The man who ran it took an interest in him and basically forced him to be around him all the time, and the man was an evil, violent man that exposed Candler to sex as well as murder in one instance. The nurses of the orphanage had been preparing a case against him to get the place shut down and him arrested, but he was warned before the raid and kidnapped Candler, while Candler's little sisters went to a proper home. They'd be separated until he was an adult.

The man left him with a poor family that he had power over so that he knew they'd never turn him in for child abuse and kidnapping. Out of fear of the man, they didn't let Candler attend school or even go to the doctor's. In fact, they often dealt with any time Candler was sick with a fake doctor that was conning them, often making Candler sicker and messing with him bad, which is how Candler developed his phobia of doctors, needles, and medicine. Originally I had written this was how he got ridiculously tall and other hormonal problems but that seems far-fetched.

His hypersexuality started emerging and the orphanage man found out and was disgusted by it, cutting the family off entirely for "ruining" him, putting them in more financial straits but at the same time relieving them of this evil man and letting them parent Candler at least a little more securely, though they were still afraid to let him go to school. Eventually he starts wandering and is preyed on by a guy who claimed to just be "teaching" him how things work, and that leaves him more reclusive and unsure how to handle his sexuality, and he doesn't want to talk about it.

He gets picked up by a man in the gang he would eventually join, who skews his idea of sexuality even further by hammering in the whole "if your body reacts then you like it and it's not rape" and basically making him his sex slave throughout the rest of his teen years, particularly through keeping him on a choke chain and demanding he wear it whenever he was with him. Through this man he would be made to "perform" for others in the gang, be used as a bartering tool, be attacked in other violent ways, be forced to attack others, etc. He developed anger issues, violent tendencies, suicidal thoughts, the idea that sex is bad/gross, etc and wound up leaving his family and within the same week killing the man, both in a fit of rage. The messed up hierarchy way of the gang meant this let him "move up" which meant less traumatic events happened after this, but he had to develope some wits in order to avoid getting back in that position, and it didn't always work...

Through this gang and sex work he was able to purchase an old, old storefront that... basically was just two rooms, a big front room and a back room, and lived in it, only a bed and a toilet and a little refrigerator. He learned candle-making from his adoptive family and tried to make a "decent" living, but couldn't keep his hours, or stay neat, and the place was pretty... run down and creepy looking. So he never really got to leave that gang as it was his only place of finances... until Zed sent him some money as a show of goodwill, and he found his childhood friend again. Through all this trauma he had been using memories of Zed to cope with it all. Which is how he developed his unhealthy obsession with Zed. So when he realized this was the same Zed he had known as a kid, he was through the roof happy.

But then he still couldn't maintain his finances, and Zed had learned about that he was doing dangerous things to make money, so he offered him a place to live so he wouldn't have to, which was incredibly shocking to Candler because he had never had anyone be so genuinely caring to him, and he had kind of gotten the idea that he wasn't a person either. So even though he had idolized Zed this whole time, it was still shocking. And this is where we converge with what I said about Zed's backstory. Except it's a bit more emotional from his end because he never really thought he'd live past the age of 30.

(As an additional note here: Candler’s name is actually Marcellus, but he went by Candler since he started living with his adopted family as a false name, and only his twin sisters knew his real name, until Candler finally told Zed, after which he no longer went by it from anyone. He does not like nicknames at all because of all the trauma he went through under his false name.)

[nebris]

Did You Catch This Hidden Theme in 'The Handmaid's Tale'?

At the heart of Margaret Atwood's book lies a biblical story that provided blueprints for a patriarchal dystopia. 

By Valerie Tarico May 5, 2017

If The Handmaid’s Tale offers any sign, Margaret Atwood has read more of her Bible than many Christians. Superficially, Atwood’s dystopian novel is littered with biblical names and phrases: Gilead, Mary and Martha, Jezebel, Milk and Honey, All Flesh, Loaves and Fishes, Lilies of the Field, the Eye of the Lord, Behemoth, and many more.

At a deeper level, Atwood grounds her plot in gender scripts that pervade Abrahamic scriptures. One story in particular brings the pieces together: a tale of two sisters named Rachel and Leah, who marry the same man (Genesis 29-31).

As the story begins, their husband-to-be, Jacob, falls in love with the young Rachel but gets tricked by their father (also his own uncle) Laban into marrying the elder Leah. Jacob isn’t thrilled when he discovers he has consummated his wedding night with the wrong sister because, as the writer puts it, “Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful of form and face.” Laban promises Jacob his second daughter in exchange for seven years of labor, and a second round of nuptials ensues. It’s a recipe for resentment, but Leah redeems herself in the most potent way possible for an Iron Age female born into the nomadic herding cultures of the ancient near-east: She pumps out four sons.

Rachel, though better loved, remains barren.

“Now!” Leah thinks, “Now my husband will become attached to me.” Rachel, bitter and jealous, is thinking the same thing. She demands of their husband, “Give me children, or else I die!” Because of her infertility, she offers him a proxy, Bilhah, her female slave or “handmaid.” Bilhah gets pregnant and produces a son, Rachel’s son by the rules governing their lives. After Bilhah bears a second baby—as you may have guessed, also a son—Rachel crows, “With mighty wrestlings I have wrestled with my sister, and I have indeed prevailed!”

But things aren’t over yet. Not to be outdone, Leah sends in her own handmaid, Zilpah, who also bears two sons. The competition continues until Jacob has 12 sons—a number that has magical significance probably tracing roots back to the 12 signs of the Zodiac—and one daughter. And they all live happily ever after. Or not.

So, let’s unpack some of the elements of this story, because they reflect broader biblical views on women and reproduction that will be familiar to anyone who has read Atwood’s novel or derivative media.

1. Men properly hold the highest positions of authority in society and the family. Laban and then Jacob are patriarchs, each ruling the kin unit that consists of his own household, including women, children, slaves and livestock. From Chapter 2 of Genesis onward, the Bible teaches that man was made in the image of God while woman was created to be his helper (Genesis 2:18). Conservative Christians call this idea male headship, and it is embedded throughout the Old Testament, and down through Christian history [3]. The New Testament writer of 1 Corinthians spells it out: “The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God” (1 Cor 11:3). As in Islam, female head covering provides an outward marker of submission: “A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man” (1 Corinthians 11:2-10). Violation of this hierarchy may be experienced as a threat to the whole social order [4].

2. Women are assets that belong to men. Laban gives his daughters to his nephew in exchange for Jacob’s labor as a shepherd. In like manner, women throughout the Bible are owned by their fathers until they are “given in marriage” (typically in exchange for goods or services or political alliance) to another man. The ownership status of women is visible in the Exodus chapter 20 version of the 10 Commandments [5], which says, “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor” (Exodus 20:17).

3. Slavery, including sexual slavery, is morally acceptable, regulated and sometimes commanded. Through both stories and laws, the Bible provides a strong endorsement of slavery [6]. One sign of King Solomon’s status is the 700 wives and 300 concubines (i.e., sex slaves) in his harem (1 Kings 11:3). In the Rachel and Leah tale, the handmaids are gifted to the daughters by Laban. In tales of conquest, young virgins are counted as war booty, and God’s commander provides explicit instructions [7] on how to ritually purify a virgin war captive before “knowing” her. Rules for buying and selling slaves vary based on whether the person is a Hebrew or a foreigner, male or female. “If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as male servants do” (Exodus 21:7).

4. The primary identity and value of women lies in their reproductive capacity. With few exceptions, named female characters in the Bible are individually identified because they are the mothers of famous sons. This includes, of course, the most famous woman of them all, Mary. One New Testament writer points to childbearing as the woman’s path to spiritual salvation, the way to redeem Eve’s original sin. “Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing, provided they continue in faith and love and holiness, with modesty" (1 Timothy 2:14-15).

5. Sons are more valuable than daughters. Throughout the Bible, God rewards his chosen ones with male offspring, even, for example, when Lot’s daughters get their father drunk in order to have sex with him and generate heirs who will be the fathers of great nations (Genesis 19:32-38 [8]). In the Hebrew law, a woman is spiritually unclean for twice as long after giving birth to a girl baby as a boy (Leviticus 12:1-8). It goes without saying that God himself is depicted as male, as are his chosen patriarchs and prophets, as is his incarnation, Jesus, who—in the canonical gospels—chooses 12 male disciples.

6. When it comes to breeding, paternity is what matters. In the story of Jacob and his wives, we see that the writer is fairly indifferent to which woman produced a child, as long as Jacob was the father and the child a son. Similarly, in the New Testament gospels, Jesus is a God and the son of God despite the fact that his mother is fully human. By contrast, because paternity is so important in this cultural context, anything that might call into question the paternity of a woman’s offspring is harshly penalized. A raped woman, as damaged goods, can be sold to her rapist who is obliged to keep her (Deuteronomy 22:28-29), and a woman who has reduced her value by having sex voluntarily can be stoned to death (Deuteronomy 22:20-21). If a married man suspects that his wife may be pregnant by someone else, he can take her to the priest who will give her a magical abortion potion [9] that will work only if the pregnancy isn’t his (Numbers 5:11-31).

7. Infertility is a female issue. Since the role of women is childbearing, infertility is typically treated like a female issue in the Bible as it is in Atwood’s Republic of Gilead. Toward the end of Rachel and Leah’s story, God finally comforts Rachel by allowing her to bear a son from her own body, who will go on to be favored above his brothers by both his father and God himself (Genesis 29:31). This trope repeats itself, and infertile women throughout the Bible often, in the end, give birth to significant characters: the patriarchs Isaac, Esau and Jacob; the supernaturally strong warrior Samson; the prophet Samuel; and John the Baptist, who will baptize Jesus.

8. Female consent is not a thing. The texts gathered in the Christian Bible were written over the course of several centuries, and in them we find a cultural trajectory away from polygamy and outright sexual slavery. Nonetheless, the concept of human chattel is never explicitly eschewed, even in the New Testament, nor are older practices condemned. Slaves are advised to submit to their masters. Nowhere is there any indication that female consent is needed or even desired before sex. Consider even the pregnancy that produces Jesus [10]. In a situation of extreme power imbalance, Mary is told that she will be impregnated by God and she responds with words that assent to her role as a handmaid. “Behold the bond-slave of the Lord: be it done to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38).

Behold The Handmaid’s Tale.

Valerie Tarico is a psychologist and writer in Seattle, Washington, and the founder of Wisdom Commons [11]. She is the author of "Trusting Doubt: A Former Evangelical Looks at Old Beliefs in a New Light" and "Deas and Other Imaginings." Her articles can be found at valerietarico.com [12].

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