#back again to traumatise the fandom on barricade day

[unavailabletozombies]

Permets-tu?

[fandom-necromancer]

1165. Part 4

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 (Warnings: violence, kidnapping, graphic description of android dismantling, mentions of physical and mental abuse)

[Part1]   [Part2]   [Part3]

The room was completely silent, and Gavin felt guilty just by disturbing the peace with his presence and the sound of his breath. He didn’t look at the android lying on the cushioned examination table. Nines’ lower half had been covered with a blanket and for the last software check-ups and self-healing protocols to do their work after the main repair, he had been left there to wake up. But the human was staring down on the floor. His head was ringing like a church bell and felt just as heavy and sluggish. He had suffered a mild concussion and had been advised by doctors to stay in bed for a while, but he just needed to make sure Nines was alright first. He had to apologise. Had to know why he was so afraid of him. Then he could rest. The vertigo, headache and overall sickness wasn’t as bad as his lingering guilt.

He didn’t realise it at first as Nines woke up. The sound of the blanket because of sudden movement startled him out of his thoughts. The android looked at him with big eyes, already in the process of getting away from him. Gavin immediately reacted, scooting backward with his office chair until it hit the wall. He quickly raised his hands and tried to be as gentle and non-threatening as possible. ‘It’s fine, it’s fine! You are safe! You are out! You are repaired, see? I won’t do anything to you.’

Nines looked at him surprised and vary. But he seemed to relax more with the distance between them and started tentatively touching the spots that had been damaged: His face, his thirium regulator and his entire front. It felt invasive to watch him, so Gavin gave the android his space. After some time, Gavin spoke up again, noticing how his voice caused Nines to freeze in his movements. ‘I made mistakes’, he said. Nines was silent, but he could feel the android’s gaze on him. ‘I made a lot of them.’ With every word Gavin wished for the silent peace to come back. For the break filled with anticipation and worry, but still ultimately frozen. ‘I hate androids. I don’t think I could ever start liking them. My brother is a huge self-entitled asshole and he invented them, so they were already off to a bad start. And then one of them killed my sister. The android was running from its owner, was panicked and took my sister, who was just on her way home that night, as a shield. The owner didn’t care, he shot anyways.’ He swallowed hard. What he was about to say had been lingering in his head as unpleasant intrusive thoughts. He knew they were right, but he had always avoided saying them out loud, making up some dumb excuse instead. But not now. Not when he owed the android the truth and more. ‘I know logically, androids have nothing to do with it. My brother is an asshole, that doesn’t mean the bots he created are too. The owner of that android was drunk, and the plastic couldn’t possibly foresee he would have shot her. But you know what? It’s easy. Hating the people steeling our jobs, hating the people everyone hates, following the wide mass. It’s phcking easy and I never was one to work hard when I didn’t need to. And if you do something long enough, regardless of reason, it becomes your second nature.’

He took a deep breath, the android in the room remaining silent simultaneously being unbearable and a blessing. What he was about to say was hard for him. ‘But it was wrong to treat you like shit because of it. I should have showed the level of professionalism to leave my views of the world out of work. And I… Phck’, he trailed off. Then he lifted his head to meet Nines’ eyes, who was completely unreadable besides the fact that he let him speak and was willing to listen. ‘Did you really think I was the one torturing you? Do you really think I could do that? Are you that afraid of me?’

Nines had watched the man curiously. He had to admit he had been afraid upon seeing Gavin again. His memories were a confusing mess of things that had happened long ago, intermingled with the recent torture and Gavin’s face sprinkled in for good measure. But the man had given him space. Had begun to talk – just talk – and it sounded like an attempt of an apology. Maybe this was what he had waited for so long. Maybe this was the chance at making peace with the Detective and getting into more friendly interactions. And if it wasn’t… He could still take Fowlers offer. Disappear from one day to the next and be send off somewhere else, where he would never have to see him again. If he really wanted to, he could destroy Gavin’s whole career, telling the Captain the man had held him at gunpoint several times. Maybe he was just as afraid of a friendship with someone who could end him as Nines was of letting a human into his life. But well, someone had to give, and he had a backup plan if things went south. So, he decided to tell him.

‘You don’t have to sit so far away, Gavin’, he began and watched the man hesitantly scoot closer. The way he pulled a grimace he likely hadn’t gotten away unscathed by the whole ordeal either. ‘I’m afraid of humans in general. I was a prototype model meant to replace Connor. During the revolution I was in the testing phase. I caught the deviancy virus, but it didn’t work on me as I was meant to withstand its effects. That didn’t… It didn’t work as intended. Instead of giving me the chance to be free and disobey, it took away the controlling part completely. It destroyed my mind palace, a simulated reality to talk with humans or other androids, hand in reports and receive new missions. It was rendered inaccessible. Unfortunately, that also meant I couldn’t be put to stasis by humans and no one realised the error. I didn’t have the experience to resist against treatment, too. So, whenever I failed, they would enter the order to send me to stasis. I would remain conscious because the order never reached me, but I would stay motionless and let them work regardless, because it was all I knew. When the virus spread and the damage reports would change to something equal to your pain sensations, I tried to bear through it. But ultimately, I snapped. I tried to resist, I tried to reason with them that I could still work with my damaged part just to avoid being repaired.’

He sighed, pulling the blanket closer. ‘They… They didn’t listen and I was afraid. The day they finally looked into my coding and realised I had caught my very own deviancy, they talked about resetting me completely or transferring me to a new body. I knew that would be the end of me. I was so afraid I… I snapped. I killed every last one of them. Just with my bare hands. I was so merciless Cyberlife decided to lock down the lab and let me wreak havoc there while they evacuated the floor and barricaded it so I could never escape. I was found in that lab after the revolution, caked in old blood amidst the decaying bodies of the men I killed. That’s why everyone is so afraid of me, although I am far more scared of everyone around me. Fowler was so kind to take the risk after getting to know me and he decided not to tell anyone of my past.’ He waited for Gavin’s judgement, but he stayed just as silent as he had before, allowing him to continue.

‘If you take that into account, Gavin, I’m afraid of every human out there. I learned to hide it, but I am. I think of every human to be capable of doing this to me, because I have no faces to pin my tormenters to. As far as I’m concerned it could have been anyone in that lab. And yes, that includes you, Gavin.’ ‘Then why did you join the police?’, the Detective asked. ‘I couldn’t imagine a worse job for someone who is paranoid of humans and is traumatised by violence.’ ‘One has to face his fears to overcome them, right?’, the android answered. ‘I wanted to at least give it a try. And I managed to stay for some time, haven’t I? I would be lying if I said I wasn’t completely terrified by you when you threatened me. But I also saw you being competent and trustworthy as soon as we worked together, and you forgot I was an android. That kept me going. I hoped you just needed time to adapt to my presence. I thought that if I was just determined enough, we could have become friends. Like my predecessor.’

‘I’m sorry it had to be being tortured together to manage that’, Gavin sighed. ‘To be honest I think about quitting’, Nines admitted. ‘I don’t know if I could live with the whole precinct knowing what I just told them. I don’t want them to be afraid of me.’ ‘Why? Did you tell them?’ ‘No, but…’ ‘Hey, I won’t tell them, who do you think I am?’ ‘You won’t?’ ‘Hell no. I know how difficult it is to tell someone something you want buried deep inside you. If this whole conversation stays between us, then that’s fine by me.’ ‘That… Thank you. That means a lot to me’, Nines admitted. ‘Yeah, yeah’, Gavin waved it off, embarrassed.

He sighed deeply, then held out his hand. ‘How about we give this another chance and I try to be less of an asshole to you, dipshit?’ Nines stared at the hand and his eyes darted from it to Gavin’s eyes and back as if trying to find out if he meant it. Then he reluctantly took it. ‘I think I would like that, sweetheart.’