#bc god the ppl screaming in the tags bless you all

[akai-anna]

I love coming up on here to see my activity being a disaster zone.

[yamlog]

before february comes

ok so like, it is one thing to know about smth hurtful when it has just happened but it is A COMPLETELY OTHER THING ALTOGETHER to be asked about it by someone who for some reason, thought that you knew all along all these months WHEN YOU DIDN’T. and why would i? did i not say many many times that i am NOT going to keep up? i am actively avoiding, i am keeping my feed clean and free from distractions, i NEVER look at my explore page except to follow very specific hashtags. i have been PROTECTING my peace of mind and sanity with all my energy and effort for like, what, 1.5 years. for good reason. and then to be asked (borderline informed) something so PREPOSTEROUS. do you know how sick i felt when i heard? i was trying to work and it became impossible because my brain was so confused i started feeling nauseas. i had to skip dinner and immediately take action instead of letting that horrible feeling burrow deeper into my chest. i didn’t even have to see anything in person. people sent me screenshots, telling me that they will look at it on my behalf and i shouldn’t go and see. and that’s not even the worst thing. the worst thing is all the consolation messages that came from SO MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE later on, coming out and confessing and saying they knew and they suspected but they didn’t want to tell me because they knew i’d be shocked and disgusted and upset and they wanted to protect me from the news because i was trying to pass practicum. and i love them for that, i really do. my friends really just do want the best for me and they are not willing to start a war or actively do anything, but they do care enough to message me in private to share their thoughts on the matter. i got so many ‘i saw her story and i was so surprised,” “it’s such a shady thing to do,” and “what is she trying to prove.” then of course there were people who were very critical of the presentation and how it seems deliberately designed to mislead. and when i clarified, it just made everyone even more confused. ‘huh, if not dating then why she post as if they were’ ‘need to tag meh’ ‘she tag for who to see’ ‘is she trying to show off got a guy wait for her to end work and take many pictures of her on their dates? and then must tag the guy so everyone can see who it is even though he’s not inside?’ ‘how come her username is like a copy of your tinycl0ud’ (lmao i wish i knew the answer to this one but at this point is anyone surprised? no.) ‘is it she want his dick’ ‘dating or not dating it’s very obvious she has interest’ etc etc

so here are MY thoughts, after having talked to practically everyone in my life about it. my thoughts reflect most of what others think. i am trying to be conscious of the fact that i’m still too emotional to really formulate my own opinion, and so of course it is easier to mirror and receive the opinions of those around me. but i think until i can finish processing, i am okay with received feelings.

number one: indignation. because Yes, why the fuck even do this? sg is so fucking big and full of other men. if you want a bf or new friends it’s so easy to find. must go after your ex-friend’s ex-partner? the rest of the sg don’t have men isit? you won’t be happy unless you get to experience that which you have always envied in me isit? you tag, knowing full well that people in MY life still follow and EVERYONE knows what he looks like and who he is. so what is the fucking intention? to show that someone finds you attractive enough to take photos of you? you know, quite a few people have pointed out to me the fact that i used to be the frequent subject of his phone camera (i am grateful but i have also thankfully moved on), and that maybe you have always envied it, and now that it’s your turn you’re revelling. ppl take picture of you like you always wanted, ok good for you, but must tag to make sure everyone knows exactly who did it? so everyone knows you hang out? or maybe date? because who else would wait for you to end your shift and buy you drinks but someone you’re romantically involved with. and you tag so everyone knows it’s a guy, and it’s THAT particular guy. gross and pathetic. which brings me to the next point.

number two: disdain and disgust. why hanker after someone’s ex?? i really don’t get it. was it because on my private twitter i said that i enjoyed myself and he treated me well, so now she has it in her head that she wants the same treatment? a normal human being doesn’t do that. in fact, i have read her tweets about how much she enjoyed having sex with the guy from tinder she had a fling with, with very lengthy descriptions of his dick size and texture, and not once did i feel the need to go and experience it for myself. because there’s this thing called girl code, on top of basic human decency. normal people DON’T hanker after their friends’ exes, even after friendship ends. MORE THAN ONE EX TOO. normal people also don’t tweet stupid shit like ‘every time julian took public transport and waited outside studio i felt so envious because ___ never did that for me, even though he had a motorcycle and could go anywhere, which makes me wonder if i’m not worth being loved.’ LIKE UM OK HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL, reading something so MANIPULATIVE AND GUILT-TRIPPY ON TWITTER DOT COM. julian wasn’t a great ex (or even a great person) but he did occasionally do nice things, and you romanticise the ONE thing to the point of comparing it with your own lacking relationship?? red flag. and then when i have another ex, you hanker after what he represents once again, which is good treatment. well idk what to say but people i date generally treat me well sometimes. and the common factor here is obviously me. so even if you date the same guys i date it doesn’t mean?? u will be treated the same way?????? just a thought. it is truly extremely pathetic to hang onto hope that this Perfect Idealised Boyfriend On A Pedestal could someday be yours if you just wait long enough. you waited 2 years for your RC ex and he still dumped you for a virginal year 1. i hate him on your behalf, and never in a million years would i consider wanting him, no matter how attractive or charismatic he is. simply because, even though i hate you, i will NOT touch your exes that I KNOW FULL WELL have hurt you. 

number three: anger. i don’t hate people. not really. like i don’t think i’ve ever hated anyone enough to wish they’d die a horrible and gruesome death. but the past two days i have felt anger so big it felt like my entire chest was on fire and if i screamed it would come out like a blowtorch. i wanted to take my new ceramic knife and saw off her fingers one by one and then grate her stupid ugly nose off. that was for a moment, and the moment has passed. but i don’t think the hatred will. i can very confidently say that, at least for the next two weeks or so, i will hate her enough to risk damnation. because she IS fucking despicable. and now i guess everyone knows it too. 

there was a moment when i wondered why i was so stricken. i spoke to a friend to try to figure it out. i asked her, why am i so bothered. is it because if he dates her after dumping me it means that she’s better than me and that’s what i can’t stand? or is it because he actively makes time to meet her but not me, so on some level he actually does prefer her to me? then my friend said that she doesn’t think that’s the case, and that he probably can meet her PRECISELY because he doesn’t have romantic feelings and he won’t get entangled. additionally, she also reminded me that just because one man, even my ex that i loved deeper than anyone else, chooses her over me, it doesn’t mean his opinion is god’s opinion (or even a wise/informed one) and therefore it is fallacious to jump to the conclusion that he is right and that she IS better or that she has ‘won’. i added to that and said that yes, people are not prizes to begin with anyway. and yes, one man’s judgment does not determine my worth. another friend just said, very bluntly, that his initial thought was ‘let the trash take the trash out’. im still not okay with someone i still love being called trash because like, hello my feelings, but i understand his sentiments lah. 

no matter how i rationalise it, i guess it does hurt that he’d spend time with her but not once try to spend time with me. i’d make all the time, i honestly would. and i have endless reserves of care and attention and i feel like over time my capacity just increases, even with the new job and the new charges. but i also know that i never had any power in this relationship. i can’t make the first move, i can’t ask for anything, i will never call the shots because it’s imbalanced from the beginning. so if he doesn’t care to meet me but cares enough about HER to meet HER then what can i do? nothing. just accept it like a horrible itchy clothing tag giving you a rash but u can’t exactly strip down bc ur in public. maybe over time he will start to think that she is right for him, she can make him happy, she is his soulmate. she will have won, my friends’ predictions will be right, i will have been wrong about his character, and once again there will be nothing i can do. 

maybe it’s better that he cares so little for me he doesn’t even want to see me at all. because i don’t think my feelings have gone away. it’s magnetic. like an orbital pull. and i know that if i get a little bit i will just want all of it. it was hard enough to pull away the last time and pretend i had to go and pretend i was fine. so if he doesn’t want me in his orbit, maybe it’s actually god’s blessing in disguise and god is trying to tell me that it’s better to be untethered in space than it is to be attached to someone who doesn’t even love me. better to be unhappy on my own than believe i’m happy with someone who doesn’t want me right??? 

serenity prayer: grant me the serenity to accept that which i cannot change, the courage to change that which i can, and the wisdom to tell the difference.

[lancemcclains]

who are ur favorite voltron artists on here?

oh god there are so many anon why u do this 

I’m going to forget a shit ton, so if you’re an artist or know a really good artist, comment on this!!

@calilee she killed me with her klance boyfriend jacket art like i legit started crying and dont get me started on keith in pigtails i wanna fucking frame that

@amezure im in love with their art like I legit went through one day and liked everything bc holy shit?? the teen titans au stuff holy FUCK owns my soul…and dont get me started on the freckles my GOD

@catnippackets this is another art style that just kills me with fluff bc holy shit?? they’re all so adorable?? i actually cry?? and the bh6 au?? bye i love it so much

@macnkeith / @pngpotpies bye id actually die for aleesha’s art bc holy shit its so cute and i cant get enough of the way she draws lance and keith like omg??

@pidgepodged ahhhhh!!!!!! SUCH A GOOD STYLE I CRY!!!! I love?? every piece?? im ?? so ?? SO GOOD

@dobbu another amazing style of art like god damn yall make me wish i had talent like this bc holy shit??? so good?? blessed??

@galras  SO GOOD??? I LOVE THEIR?? LANCE?? AND ALLURA??  SO MUCH??  EVERYTHING?? amazing im literally speechless

@wolfpainters all this fanart is just so??? good?? i love it all?? the style?? amazing?? showstopping?? god id frame it all over my walls

@lancesgun  AHHH YES THIS STYLE IS SO PURE?? SO FLUFFY?? THE BLUE LION WITH THE OTHER LIONS PIECE KILLED ME GOD

@thekoreanpineapple *screams from the rooftops* THE TANGLED AU THO.  And besides that, just?? such a good style?? its so Good

@raphodraws FUCK YES ok gotta calm down but honest such a good style and they really know how to draw scenery like holy fuck its like a fairytale

@sniperlance TOBY!!! Your art is so wholesome and adorable l love it so much.  The style?? perfect. SO GOOD

@bubleboobo HOLY FUCK OK HERE IT GOES I LOVE UR ALTA AU?? I LOVE UR STYLE?? EVERYTHING??  I have so many of your pieces in my favorites tag bc im in love with every single piece my GOD

@kit-chats AHHHHH SO GOOD SO GOOD I LOVE UR ART SO MUCH like my god???  im in love with the style and there was a night where i literally filled up my queue with ur art LOL

@sunbellas my god?? ive only recently seen ur art and ive gotta say DAMN I LOVE IT SO MUCH.  the way you draw everyone?? leaves me speechless damN

@avocatdelapoursuite SO GOOD??? That keith pic with him hugging lances coat tho….i died bC DAMN its so good?? everythings so good

@soottea I first saw their fanart for OTI and I Died.  I legit Died.  Its so good??? I absolutely love everything they draw

@knacke the way they draw lance man,,,,,the way they draw lance,,,, by far my favorite lance artist bc the curls?? the glasses?? yes please fUCK ME UP

@atmosphere-af oh my god YES I LOVE EVERY EVERY EVERYYY piece of fanart this person draws like its always so good?? so pure?? so soft?? i love

@fawnmisty AHHHHH another fave fan artist bc every klance fanart is so flUFFY like i can feel my heart just swelling up with joy and happiness and FLUFF

@kitsunezakuro this style is just,,,, so cute and adorable like i get a cavity just by looking at it ITS JUST SO SWEET 

@mintorio ur art is just so….adorable i CANT GET ENOUGH OF IT?? THE KLANCE?? p u r e SO PURE

@voltronicworld I’m sure you’ve seen their animatic floating around tumblr bc HOLY SHIT ?? its so good?? the animation is so fluid and their art is just stellar!  and i love their other art

@fairyfun099 GOD I LOVE ALL THE VOLTRON ART THEY DO OMG lance in that jacket??? yes PLEASE

@probablynotsam every piece of fanart is just so soft and pure i love it SO MUCH I COULD CRY! 

@baconator4ever SO GOOD!!! I love the art style and the coloring is amazing as well like,,,phenomenal 

@leaflessart their brogane comic of the scene from madagascar killed me i legit was laughing so hard i love it so much.  great art style LIKE A++++++

@lemongogo AHH I love this artist so much like its such a cool style?? I love the klance and allura is just SO GOOD

@aurenwolfgang this is another artist whose lance is SO GOOD like i wanna print all of these pieces off and hang them everywhere like wallpaper like DAMN 

@juniperarts AHHH the style is so unique i love it so much like ?? the way they draw the team?? amazing and showstopping

@typical-ingrid such a pure and wholesome style like klance art?? blessed?? So cute?? i love

@chartron omg?? their art looks identical to the show’s animation like holy cow im IMPRESSED !!! I love their art its so good like holy CROW 

@treasuredbuns !!!!! another fave artist!!!! this artist draws the characters so well like oh my god they look so cute?? the style is amazing

@glowdroid ahhhh this person’s art is just,,,, my aesthetic like its so?? good?? i love the different type of style they use and its all just so adorable

@thesearchingastronaut amazing,,,,showstopping,,,,blessed,,,im in LOVE with the way they draw keith and lance like ??? have u seen this??? ill frame it for years, put it in my foyer,,,,, i love it so much dear GOD

@themochi ANOTHER VERY UNIQUE STYLE!!! I love they way they draw keith like holy sHIT so good

@kawovan i lOVE THIS ARTIST!!! Such a pure PURE style (god i say style a lot dont i) BUT ANYWAY JUST SO SO GOOD!!! the klance fanart?? im blessed

@marshiyan SOOOO GOOD!!! The coloring is so soft and i love every single piece this artist posts

@suitboxers i love this artists fanart bc it just looks so,,,,amazing like just i have no words its just all so good so amazing so showstopping im cryin

@keef-kogayne ALL THIS ART JUST BLESSES ME HONESTLY ITS SO GOOD SO PURE SO AMAZING.  I feel my heart swelling with pure love looking through the art tag

@nuuky AHH this art is so good bc its like ?? comic style ?? at least thats what it reminds me of, but its just so well done and the coloring is just MMM YES.  ALSO LOOK AT THIS LANCE

@nekolance i cry every time i see their fanart bc its just so good so GOOD!!! I love lance and keith and everyone just GOD ITS SO CUTE

@joleanart such a good style like their lance and keith?? amazing.  the way they draw red?? amazing.  id die for this artist salkjdsglksd

and god there are so many more but legit i cant thINK OF ANY MORE :(((( so if i missed you PLEASE comment that u draw so ppl can see!!! and if you know an artist who isn’t on here, please do the same!!!!

Sorry if i missed anyone D: