#bc i am horrible at gaming and need as many battle options as i can get hahahhahhaha

[wyllzel]

i played 7hrs straight of bg3 last night (my eyes hurt, the sun was rising by the end of it, AND i'm fighting nasty period cramps) but it was all worth it bc i managed to assassinate all the goblin camp leaders, and more importantly, successfully initiate a romance w the vampire 🥰😝💞

[welcome-to-the-spiral]

Choke Part 4

I hope you guys are happy with suffering bc that’s all you’re getting here. Also, the firstborn will be Blackbean and the second born will be Billbert

Shiro smiled at him, his eyes yellow and teeth jagged and sharp. His robotic hand was flared to life, the brightness of the purple light seemingly paired with the pain. Lance had the awful, horribly wrong feeling of his skin melting around Shiro’s hand, melting like iron heated in a forge, except this was flesh and muscle and he could feel the nerves exploding to life with each second. Shiro’s smile widened to an impossible size, his teeth so sharp, his eyes amused and yellow and inhuman. Lance could only taste blood and fear and bile, his neck collapsing in on itself from the pressure of Shiro’s arm, and as everything exploded and his vision darkened, panic was the only thing Lance could comprehend. He was dying. Lance was dying. No, no, no no n-

Lance bolted upright in his bed, pain flaring to life from the throbbing headache that he had carried with him out of the beating. The pain, however, mattered very little to Lance as pure, unbridled panic filled him and he ripped his blanket off him, the feeling of its once-comforting weight now suffocating.

“Lance! It’s just me. I- uh- Hunk was getting a rest. Lance? Lance are you okay?” Keith- that was Keith’s voice, even though Lance could only see his outline in the dim room. The fair amount of panic in Keith’s voice was amusing enough the terror that had filled Lance only moments previously began to dissipate.

“Y- yeah, I’m fine.” Lance whispered, and Keith heaved a sigh of relief. “Can… Can you turn the lights on?” Lance added, his voice somehow much quieter and more tentative than previously.

“Yeah of course. Let me just-” the lights flicked on as Keith trailed off, and for a moment Lance was blinded before his eyes adjusted. Keith stood awkwardly at the control panel for Lance’s room, sporting a black eye where Shiro had slammed his knee into the former Red Paladin’s face.

“I’m sorry.” Lance croaked, and Keith’s hand lifted to his eye for a moment before he shook his head.

“Don’t be sorry for this. That’s on Shiro. He did that.” Keith hissed, and Lance flinched at the name before looking away.

“Still. He did it because you were trying to protect me. I was stupid. I thought I could help him.” Lance whispered, eyes on the floor. He was too ashamed at his stupid, stupid fear of one man to look at Keith. Too ashamed of how he had been stupid enough to think he could help the Black Paladin after everything.

“Lance- look. You did. You helped him. Shiro- he was being controlled by Haggar. They’re trying to fix that now. But you broke the connection. You did that.” Keith said, and Lance shook his head.

“No I didn’t, Keith. Sh… He never really cared about me, Keith. I was just the Blue Paladin, and then I was just the stand-in for you.” Before Keith could interrupt him, Lance waved his hand in dismissal. “It doesn’t matter if it’s true, Keith. That’s what he saw me as. And he didn’t give a single shit about me until I mentioned you. Hell, you coming down and facing him probably was the only thing that broke the connection.”

Keith shook his head. Lance watched the former Red Paladin pace around the room for a moment before stopping suddenly and coming to sit next to Lance.

“I was there Lance. I know what I saw. I know when the connection broke. It was when you showed him your sc- you know… Your neck.” Keith trailed off. It was almost funny, if it hadn’t been a visceral reminder of the scars that would forever ring his neck, and the ghost pain that was brought with it. Keith was sure of his point, he knew he was right, and Lance couldn’t deny what they had both seen, but… He also didn’t know how to talk about Lance’s scars, and the etiquette of talking about trauma with Lance.

Keith was basically Shiro’s brother, but Shiro… He dealt with trauma, with pain, much differently than Lance. Shiro repressed everything for the sake of his team. Lance knew this because the many times he woke up in the middle of the night from nightmares of battles and death previous to Shiro disappearing, he had almost always found Shiro downing a bottle of space vodka in some new and strangely secluded corner of the castle. It was during those brief moments Lance and Shiro would meet eyes, the fresh pain and horror in Shiro’s eyes enough to tell Lance exactly what Shiro was thinking of, that Lance would give Shiro whatever blanket he had grabbed from the lounge that night and then leave, because he knew Shiro wouldn’t talk to him, and he knew Shiro was already too drunk to remember those nights anyways.

Lance, on the other hand… Lance bled. Lance screamed and cried and bled from the pain and horror. Lance didn’t know how to cope. Lance would pass it off as jokes and laugh his suffering into a game if it meant helping someone else. Lance would rip his trauma out of whatever dark corner he hid it in if it meant healing another person. Lance valued every other person alive infinitely more than himself, so it was second nature to sacrifice his mental and physical health for them. Even if it meant death. Shiro repressed and Lance made his pain into a joke to be laughed at. That is, after all, what he viewed himself as.

Lance stared into nothing for a long time, his eyes telling of what he was thinking about. The scar. He had seen it once. He had seen the handprint that was branded onto his neck forever.

“You don’t have to sugarcoat it, Keith,” Lance finally said, “it’s a scar. A brand.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it. Or that you do.” Keith replied, and Lance sighed. Silence filled the room, and Lance’s hands found his neck as he felt the bumps and indents tentatively.

“I can still feel it.” Lance said quietly, his voice almost loud in the silence. Keith looked at him in confusion for a moment, before realization- and horror- filled his eyes.

“I didn’t realize at first what it was. Just pain. But now I know. He melted through my skin, Keith. I can still feel his hand on my neck, the heat. It was so hot, I thought he’d melt through my esophagus. I can still-” He cut himself off as he noticed the horror in Keith’s eyes. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”

“No. There’s nothing for you to apologize for. Nothing.” Keith urged, and Lance looked over at Keith in shock. “I’m sorry that happened. To you. It’s hard for me to imagine Shiro doing that because I… Well, I always saw him as my brother.”

“Keith… I… He’s still him. It wasn’t really.... Him who hurt me.” Lance began, his eyes falling to the floor. “I can’t… I know, logically, that it wasn’t him. It was Haggar. But to me, it was still him. It’s still his handprint branded onto my neck. It was his eyes- sorry… What I mean is even though it was him to me, that doesn’t mean it was him. Haggar was controlling him. And she was smart. She was damn smart, because she knew it would destroy the trust between us. But that doesn’t mean it has to destroy your trust. You still have a relationship with him. You can still trust him.”

“I want to. I want to trust him again. But… I saw what he did. I know it wasn’t Shiro, but… How am I supposed to trust him knowing he tried to kill you?” Keith finally asked, and Lance looked over at Keith in confusion.

“Keith, he’s more important than I am. He’s the Black Paladin.” Lance whispered, and Keith shook his head.

“And you’re the Red Paladin.” Keith countered. Lance chuckled, the sound broken. So fucking broken.

“I’m the stand-in for the Red Paladin.” Lance corrected, and Keith stared at Lance for a long time.

“No. You don’t get to say that. You never get to fucking say that. You are worth so much to the team- to me. You are so damn important. I’m not going to sit here and listen to you say that you’re worth nothing. You’re the stability of this team. You’re the soul. We need you. I need you.” Keith snarled, his voice so strong, so firm in his belief that Lance couldn’t help but stare at Keith, mouth slightly agape. And then he was hugging Keith, his head buried deep into the deep red sweatshirt Keith was wearing, his arms gripping Keith like he was a lifeline. The former Red Paladin stared down at Lance in shock for a long moment before returning the hug.

“Never say you’re a stand-in again. Promise me.” Keith murmured after a long moment, and Lance nodded.

“I promise.” Lance replied, his voice muffled by Keith’s sweatshirt.

The two stayed that way for a long time.

... for a long time, because they’re gay. Yeah there wasn’t much action but I feel like Lance deserves at least one break. 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |  

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