#bc i was thinking. i have to piecemeal a costume that feels good for my gender | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

toothyblowjob · 1 year

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so i recently decided that, while i am still An Entire Man, my gender is complex in a way that i feel can only really be described as genderqueer. and i really like the way i explained it to my boyfriend today--"identifying as genderqueer is my way of acknowledging that there's no blueprint for what i am. i have to carve out a space for myself, because there's not one already."

#oddly enough #halloween costumes is what gave me the words #bc i was thinking. i have to piecemeal a costume that feels good for my gender #bc men's costumes aren't rlly fully right but neither are women's #i want to be a slutty nun for halloween #but like. a MALE nun #not a monk. a boy nun. which is not a thing that exists #and it struck me that. well. i never really have a ready-made blueprint for what i want to be #i have to scrabble it together in the same way #same w looking at wedding outfits recently--i kinda had to come up with my OWN ideas for what i wanna wear #bc a suit Isn't Correct. but neither is a dress #it's important to me that i be seen at the altar as a man but the archetypes of masculinity available to me are so... bland?#i'm talking a lot about clothes but this is true of other stuff too #i want to be a Groom but i like the adjective bridal as well sometimes?#idk #i also feel like this lack of role models or archetypes to draw from is inextricable from my fatness tbh #actually i'm gonna make a poll about that in a sec maybe #wow this got long #shut me up

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