#bc it requires so much context in sentences to use more than two lol & i just... didn't have it in me

[possibilistfanfiction]

fuck dude i spent the past two days reading the entirety of girls against god and catching up on we lived happily during the war and i s2g it’s the most i’ve cried in YEARS what the fuck bea’s trans niece?? it all must mean so much to bea?? what the FUCK oh my god i am so emotional i have so many feeling ily tysm for your service 🥹 (also BIG fan of footy au. big big fan. you are incredible) THANK YOU

[bea's niece! love her! here u go]

//

you’re thrilled that your parents have decided to spend a few days away in ojai at some winery aunt bea recommended, because as much as you love them, unlimited and mostly unsupervised time with your aunts is pretty much the best thing in the world.

they’d planned to take you to a cool, nice dinner at this trendy place asaad had seen on tiktok, which honestly sounded fun. plus, it’s mexican food, which is basically your favorite other than your nani’s lamb biryani. and it had seemed exciting and fun but then you had looked through your entire suitcase and didn’t love any of the tops you packed, and you want to do your makeup but you’re not that good at it yet, and usually your mama helps you, and —

you sniffle and take a calming breath, wipe the tears from under your eyes. it’s okay, you tell yourself. you can ask for help. your aunts love you, and your big brother loves you, and sometimes, of course, he teases you but not about this. never about this. if you felt bad enough you didn’t want to go out, no one would be mad at you.

you take another big breath and then put on one of aunt bea’s old t-shirts she’d accidentally left in london last year and then had laughed and told you to keep it. you walk down the stairs to your aunts’ bedroom. asaad and aunt bea are tending to the herb garden outside, and you’re not surprised to see aunt ava seemingly emptying a quarter of their closet onto their big bed. you linger in the doorway, your heart caught a little in your throat, but then aunt ava looks up and stills, then offers you a smile that always feels warm, and calm, and you don’t ever wonder why aunt bea fell in love with them.

‘what’s up, kiddo?’

you take a second to compose yourself because you really don’t want to cry; you’ve spent enough time around the both of them that you know aunt ava understands how to be patient and let you arrive at what you need to say in your own time. ‘my mama usually helps with my makeup.’

‘ah,’ aunt ava says, already excited. ‘what’s the vibe your feeling? also, what are you wearing? i can’t decide.’ she gestures to the bed with her cane. ‘as you can see.’

it gets you to laugh, a knot in your chest loosening. ‘um, maybe i can borrow one of your crops? my camo cargo pants, i think, and my new cdg converse.’

‘ooh,’ ava says, ‘love. and yes, of course you can borrow anything you want. i’m still mad you’re big enough they fit you, but i’ll forgive you. growing up is better than the alternative.’

you frown at that but aunt ava doesn’t seem bothered, or sad or upset.

‘hmm. morbid. my bad.’

‘you good?’

‘i’m awesome.’ she smiles and gestures for you to actually come into the room. her hair falls in easy waves past her shoulders, longer than when you’d last seen her for eid, and it’s easy to hug her tightly, to settle into her gentle embrace, to smell the detergent that reminds you of aunt bea, and aunt ava’s subtle light perfume, and the lavender lotion you get to use every time you’re here. you know he understands, in a different way than aunt bea but in a way that matters too, that flows like water and makes you feel like you’re lifting your face to the sun, what it feels like to be bigger than what the world expects of you and your body.

your parents are the best; they’d gotten you hormone blockers immediately when you asked, and your mama and auntie had taken you shopping for pretty bras in the fanciest shops in london last month, and your dad practices your drag routines with you after football practice.

but still: people who feel it, people who know — your family, in the deepest way. you pray five times a day, in thanks, usually. blessings, you know, even now.

‘the vibe is, like, i don’t know. subtle but glitter?’

aunt ava squeezes you. ‘incredible. i’m obsessed already. maybe a glitter eyeliner?’

you relax: aunt ava loves you.

‘do you have your makeup here? i have, like, enough fun shit — uh, stuff — to cover us for any look you want, but obviously not foundation or concealer for you. but if you don’t have any, we can send your aunt and brother.’ she laughs. ‘asaad can be your skin tone match.’

'i have some makeup.' you let yourself take a deep breath, because aunt ava is happy; she wants to do makeup with you, and let you borrow clothes, and go out to a cool restaurant. it's not a duty, or because you're family — when your aunts get to help you be yourself, it makes them happy. 'but it's mostly boring.'

'the basics are very important, though.' she smiles. 'well, go grab any of yours that you want to use, then come meet me back down here. you can look through mine and use any you want. and i'm the prettiest person i know, so i can help.'

'number one?'

'way too like beatrice,' she says, 'mean. for no reason! but i'll humor you.' ava bites their bottom lip in contemplation. 'well, i met janelle monae last year. and shangela comes into my bar often.'

'you live a wild life,' you say, and aunt ava laughs. 'so, third?'

'yeah,' she confirms. 'well, fourth, maybe.'

'who's third on the list, then?'

'you, of course.'

it makes you blush, but you turn quickly so aunt ava can't really see. you know she knows, but, like, it's fine. whatever. maybe she's the prettiest person you've ever seen and she's kind and funny and smart and owns her own bar, but she's also your aunt, who you've watched throw up in a bush after she drank too much champagne at brunch one time, and she always falls asleep on aunt bea's shoulder when you go to a movie. there's no reason to be embarrassed, and there's also no reason, you remind yourself, to not want to feel pretty.

you get your setting spray and foundation and concealer and their respective brushes, and then aunt ava shows you through a lot of makeup. you don't think you'll ever want to own this much makeup in your entire life, and it's kind of funny because aunt ava doesn't really wear much most days, but she just — she loves it. she loves sharing with you, and explaining why she got stuff that doesn't really make sense, and eventually you pick out a gold eyeliner to use. aunt ava makes sure not to cover your freckles completely when she helps with your foundation, and then, when you try to do the eyeliner yourself and mess it up, she hands you a makeup wipe without any judgement or impatience.

you finish with some mascara, and you sit and talk and listen to music in the background while aunt ava does her own makeup. she lets you pick out any crop you want, and she decides, after a fair amount of deliberation, on a sundress that you know is aunt bea's favorite on her. gay, you think, and then say aloud because you're sure aunt ava will appreciate it. and she does: she laughs, and aunt bea kisses her after she knocks on the doorframe and then smiles softly when she sees the two of you.

'you both look amazing,' she says. 'asaad has already freshened up, so i just need to change, and then we can go. i'm confident it we leave in ten minutes, we'll make our reservation time.'

'what if we left in twelve minutes?' aunt ava asks.

aunt bea just ignores her and walks to their closet and lightly closes the door, which seems to delight aunt ava. she snorts.

'love her.'

'you guys are weird.'

'just wait until you have a partner or partners. if you're doing it right, which i'm sure you eventually will, because you're the best, it's all just the best kind of weird.'

they're right, you know. you get to be surrounded by all kinds of love and you've always gotten to see it every day. but still, when aunt bea walks out in tailored slacks and loafers and a loose linen button up with intricate stitching, a little mascara on her face, her hair with a few strands of silver in it now, less than your dad's but mostly the same — you can breathe in another way. you have the careful way your mama helps you wash your hair every week when you told her you wanted to grow it out, and how she always takes you with her to get your threading done together; you have your dad's genuine joy whenever he takes you to women's football matches, and the way he cries at shows with queer storylines that end happily; you have your brother and the way he always, always, makes sure his group of friends never misgenders you — ever since you came out, none of them have treated you any differently at all; you have aunt ava, whose identities are as big and open and exuberant as she is.

and you have your aunt beatrice, you smiles sincerely and, of course, notices your eyeliner. she taught you how to shave your legs when you were too nervous to ask your mama, for whatever reason that seemed confusing at the time in your head. she plays tennis with you and she's never mean but she also never lets you win; if you ever beat her one day, it will be on your own merit. you're pretty sure she could literally kill someone twice her size with one hand, but she has never been anything but gentle toward you, your entire life.

she tucks a pair of sunglasses in the V of her shirt and puts on one of her fancy watches with a thick band. she smiles at you. 'ready to go?'

'mhm. i'm hungry.'

she kisses aunt ava's temple and then puts a gentle hand to the small of your back, ushers you out of their room and to the foyer where asaad is waiting on the couch. it's still warm and sunny and gorgeous. aunt bea makes sure the front door is locked and then takes one last look in the mirror. this smile is all for herself, one you've had so many times, one that, on her, lights you up from the inside. she fluffs her hair and then nods, and you get it, unspoken: she must like who she sees looking back at her.

when she sits on your bed later that night, after you've all eaten more than your fair share and aunt ava had done a lot of moaning over some shishito peppers, after she'd driven everyone home and you had all changed into pajamas and watched half of a movie while she and aunt ava had a glass of wine — you curl into her hip and put your head on her lap.

you want to thank her — for being who she is, for being part of your family, for loving you — and everyone she cares for — in this quiet, stoic, unrelentingly gentle way. but you're sleepy, and you don't want to cry. she runs a gentle hand up and down your spine.

'did you have a good day?'

'yeah, aunt bea.' you think of the beach and aunt ava's laugh and your brother's gentle insistence that he hold every door open for the three of you; how good the food was and how you'd seen bella ramsey at a table and asaad had blushed so hard you had laughed. you think of the quiet way aunt bea had gotten aunt ava her medications in the morning at breakfast, a kiss to the top of her head. a long, long life together. a home, with you included, in any way you want. 'i had the best day.'

[lochnessies]

ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.

i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.

then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is

there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.

edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive

and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol

and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).

Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.

i don’t like where this is going…

She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.

so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s

Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.

“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok

And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad). 

yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with

Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.

don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.

Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace. 

????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself

The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?

this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl

Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.

i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.

The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.

literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.

This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system. 

i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.

I don’t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.

or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.

Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society. 

and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?

Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.

yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.

Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.

it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.

like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious. 

i was talking to nilish and he said

so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.

Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic. 

i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.

I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.

so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.

Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.

edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.

I love this character so much.

clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.

It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,

me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind

because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,

i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.

because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place. 

that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of

[morkofday]

For the writer asks!!!

4, because I’m curious!!

16, because I feel like you’ve been posting way more writing recently, and I’m curious if your process / intention has changed !!

Sorry if you’ve already done either of these! If you have please accept my endless love and affection for you 🥺

sierra!! the love of my life!!! always humoring me whenever i attempt any of these things wow i don’t deserve you ;; 

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

oh jeez. i have no idea what to put here so suddenly but let’s see...

from my liu sang fic this:

Unfortunately, where that smile can nurture, it can cripple too. When Wu Xie hides yet another cough inside his palm, air wheezing in his throat, Liu Sang can hear the tiniest hitch in his idol’s steady heartbeat. It startles him; the reaction almost violent in Zhang Qiling’s unwavering current.

i just like to watch pingxie through his eyes, especially when liu sang doesn’t really trust wu xie, doesn’t understand him at all and lowkey hates him for it. there’s also a bit of jealousy there and then confusion over his idol being so... attached. which he doesn’t want to admit. it’s sometimes hard to put into words but i’m trying. 

this from the last part of binding:

“I know,” he answers because of that, “But I also know that you don’t believe that Hei Yanjing can die. Just like I don’t believe that Xiaoge can because he’s supposed to stay. They’re both more than us. They’re both more than this world, I think.” He shrugs, and Xiao Hua studies him, eyes growing a bit darker with the slowly forming clouds. They have swallowed the sun now, and Wu Xie wonders if it will rain.

i adore the part i wrote for wu xie and xiao hua. they have an interesting dynamic and it’s somehow so nice to make xiao hua a bit cruel in this very gentle, caring type of way? he manages to say the hard things but also hides from other things he finds hard for himself (and that’s why these two also tease each other a lot). 

also the beginnings for both of weilan’s povs in my guardian au that will never get written, probably:

He’s dying. He knows that. 

It’s in the way his joints ache and his breath wheezes, how his legs feel weaker by the day, his body growing more tired. It’s in the way the black tendrils of sickness stretch across his neck, slip down his chest, curl around his wrists. It will eat him up, he knows. He’s made his peace with it.

That’s why he’s here in the first place. Dying, trying to make his last months count. There is no one waiting for him, to mourn him, and so he only wants to do something before his inevitable end, wants to at least matter.

that was shen wei and then zhao yunlan:

Shen Wei is dying. That he knows. 

What he does not know is why it bothers him so much to see the man so fragile. He’s pale, like a ghost, boney fingers twisted into his dirty shirt and dark smudges under his eyes. The black cracks that make his skin look like a web of inky veins disappear under his shirt and peek out around his wrists just over the gloves this place requires him to wear. He has death written all over his features, and Zhao Yunlan has been told that this man has one month at most to live.

Some part of him aches at the thought, old memories of blood flashing before his eyes. But has he ever fought such battles? Has he ever lost what he feels he has?

i love making parallels in my writing. i love highlighting some of the word choices by repeating them in my narrative, using them again and again to make the reader return to the previous moments where i used them. it also shows how differently you can use a certain word or a sentence when the context is different. binding has a lot of this too when wu xie drifts between dreams and memories :’D

16. Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?)

oh! this is a cool question :o also idk if i’ve posted any more writing than usual, at least any actual finished writing, but hmm. when it comes to fandoms, dmbj is relatively new! i haven’t written much for it yet :’D then there’s also the long ballad which i’ve been pondering a lot and wrote this tiny snippet for so that is new too, very new. which also means a lot of new povs lol and the most interesting currently is hei xiazi bc wow that man is. amazing?

idk about anything else? i’ve mentioned this before but with my pingxie, i actually for the first time tried writing stuff in nonchronological order. just,,, wrote whatever came to me at that moment and then patched stuff together. i think am gonna continue like that bc in that way, i would probably even finish things and not just get stuck on some stupid scene in the middle :’D 

also idk if this has changed my style? binding includes a lot of style trials i’d say, just me looking into things and going, “ok so this works like this now” and leaving it there. that’s how all the dreams etc. were born. it’s just me playing with words and scenes in my head. tho that has also made me want to try very different styles! i want to hone my writing. i want to make it better. i want to... idk. create fuller stories? binding has also made me look at my writing in a new light and see what works and what doesn’t. am not sure how am gonna fix things yet but am... figuring it out?  

thanks for sending me this ♥ i hope you are resting well and don’t feel so sick anymore once you wake up :’) 

[josukesknee]

vanilla ice’s lifetraps... an analysis?

i spent roughly 1-2 weeks compiling this so yes i am posting it everywhere bc i put way too much effort into it.

hallo hallo.

i'm researching lifetraps for a quiz i'm making (and also i just think they're interesting) so... why not force it upon the jojo fandom using an ungodly amount of words?

or, yknow, let's talk about vanilla ice part two: electric boogaloo.

a lifetrap (or schema) is defined as a negative pattern that presents itself throughout our lives. it develops in childhood/adolescence based on our life experiences. one person can have multiple lifetraps. some psychologists say there are 11, some say there are 18. enmeshment, our primary focus, is typically included by those who say 18.

i plan to do this for a few characters. no specific group, just whichever ones i feel like pouring a couple hours into. for this blog, that's vanilla ice. again.

a warning: this blog deals with things you may find upsetting, particularly death, references to domestic violence, and implications of/references to child abuse. stay safe, stay informed, and reach out when you can.

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disclaimer / spoiler warnings

major spoilers for the entirety of SDC.

i don't condone his actions yada yada yada you have a brain. use it before you lose it.

i am not a psychologist. don't use my definitions on yourself. if you think you identify a little too strongly with one of the lifetraps i describe, you are welcome to do your own research and/or consider therapy.

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1 | basics of enmeshment

i'd suggest reading this blog if you want a better idea of what i, personally, think vanilla ice's psychology looks like.

so, first: what is the enmeshment lifetrap?

takanen describes it as feeling that you are so connected with your parents or partner, that you have no idea who you are anymore. goodtherapy calls it a blurring of boundaries. it isn't to be confused with dependence, despite their similarities.

some of the things that someone with this lifetrap will experience are:

difficulty disagreeing with parents'/partners' opinions

feeling as if they have no life, but their parent(s)/partner(s) live vicariously through them

difficulty identifying which needs, wants, and feelings are their own

guilt when they do not tell their parent(s)/partner(s) something

lack of independence from parent(s)/partner(s)

lack of distress tolerance

no sense of self

do i need to explain further? ok, i will. don't act so excited about it.

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2 | past & present: enmeshment

it's clear and emphasized in canon that vanilla ice puts dio on par with what you may consider your respective god(s); again, the blog linked in the beginning of this section will go in-depth on why i believe this, but dio is very likely similar to a part of his own identity. their identities are enmeshed in vanilla ice's mind.

vanilla ice's entire 'thing' is his devotion for dio, but... is it entirely devotion, or is it partially enmeshment? do we see anything of vanilla ice that isn't linked to dio? no, we don't; even his fury is because dio has been insulted. was it vanilla ice's desire to eliminate, or was it dio's? i think we all know who planted that seed.

and in comparison, the others in dio's crew had far bigger chances of having personal motivations that weren't solely about dio, or it's explicitly stated that they do (ex: hol horse is in it for cash); vanilla ice did not. his motivations were only about dio and where araki could've given us something to supplement that, could've given us a snippet of backstory, he didn't. maybe it wasn't intentional, but it happened, and i think it was.

we also have to ask what kind of person gets so attached? what kind of guy is vanilla ice, i mean, he's kind of intense all around, but who hurt him? enmeshment offers a pretty solid answer for that: probably his parents!

side ramble incoming.

a lot of your behavior develops based on your relationship to your parents/caretakers when you're young — anger, to name one — as do attachment styles.

vanilla ice's obsessive, co-dependent behavior likely began in his early life. following the theory i began before about him potentially being abused, forcing one into co-dependency gets just about every abuser off. it's how they trap their victims, including children who already depend on them for everything.

in an enmeshed parent-child relationship, there's a distinct lack of boundaries and privacy. children are brought up to feel guilty for attending to their own needs before others'. i would personally call it a breeding ground for child abuse.

unchallenged, this type of relationship will become what vanilla ice considers normal and healthy, and he may very well repeat and seek out this dynamic in every relationship thereon, which we can assume he does. one possibility after a childhood like i described is the person purposefully seeking out partners who require their care and protection. this could serve as a solid reason for vanilla ice following dio.

people also tend to have troubles regulating their emotions, which... well, y'all know what happened.

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3 | basics of subjugation

enmeshment isn't 100% accurate, nor is it likely the only lifetrap our subject finds himself in. so what other schemas is he likely trapped in?

subjugation is the feeling that you must please loved ones, colleagues, friends, and even strangers.

people who experience this lifetrap often allow others to control them so that they can avoid consequences such as anger and abandonment. they have an excessive build-up of anger that can leak out in the form of passive-aggressiveness or surprisingly aggressive temper tantrums, of the which vanilla ice exhibits the latter. they tend to attract dominant, bossy people who will dictate how they feel, behave, and think, a profile that pretty accurately describes dio.

it's essentially people pleasing, but one seeks less approval, more basic human interaction.

why does this lifetrap develop?

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4 | past & present: subjugation

people develop the subjugation lifetrap early on, typically due to their parents. the typical behavior of the parents of a subjugated individual lines up nicely (unfortunately?) with those of enmeshment.

we'll focus on the traits that line up most with vanilla ice. going with the assumption that he has anger issues, it's very likely that his parent(s) lashed out on him when he did not follow orders. that could contribute to both of the lifetraps i've mentioned here. control and guilt-tripping are also vital parts of abuse: they contribute to subjugation as well. one parent may have been the abuser and one the abused, as the abused would likely serve as an example of subjugation for vanilla ice to follow.

another thing to consider is that subjugation can form out of having to be the caretaker to family members since the parents were not around enough to do so (think dean winchester, if you will). food for thought, considering his role as a protector is presumably all he lives for.

which brings me to my next point. there are two types of subjugation: self-sacrificing or voluntary, and submissive or involuntary. this is where it gets complicated for vanilla ice.

an abuse victim would likely fall under submission out of fear, and it's pretty obvious the guy went through some variation of it. but with his relationship to dio and canon context, voluntary submission seems more likely.

i'd have to know the specifics of how they met and how he came to follow dio to be able to give you guys a solid guess as to which it is, but voluntary has more canon evidence behind it. their relationship could be viewed as either/or. at the end of the day, it's all up to your personal interpretation, especially of dio.

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5 | cream's significance

how about something a little lighter and more palatable? let's talk about vanilla ice's stand, cream.

cream is basically a walking/floating void, waiting to destroy and swallow everything up. god, that is a sentence i never thought i'd type. anyways. let's pretend araki intended for some rando to make this psychological reach.

the void is the unknown. even vanilla ice himself says that he doesn't know where things go once they're inside his stand. vanilla ice being so unfamiliar with his own stand's ability makes the perfect reference to enmeshment, in the same way that cream's blind destruction references its user's blind anger.

in enmeshment, vanilla ice's own identity would be beyond him, just as what really lays beyond his stand's maw. his identity is a void filled with dio this and dio that; he knows nothing about himself and likely never has.

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6 | other lifetraps

here are some others that i don't feel like expanding on or for which vanilla ice does not fit the criteria to a T.

insufficient self-control: pretty self-explanatory, very aligned with the aggressive behaviors of a subjugated individual. lack of boundaries, increased risk of addiction. tends to be attracted to demanding, disciplined, systematic partners. difficulty regulating emotions/thoughts.

punitiveness: tendency to be very harsh on yourself and punish yourself when you act incorrectly. one could interpret him blaming his anger on others as punitiveness, as others are targeted as well by a punitive's critical nature. not really seen in canon, but it's a very common trope in fanfiction (trust me... i've been in all the crevices of vanilla ice fanfic lol). this trap seems as if it would go hand in hand with pessimism, but don't quote me on that (or any of this blog, really).

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conclusion

your takeaway? well... i just really like getting in this dude's noggin. i think i'm trying to compensate for something! but i'm not here to psychoanalyze myself. also sorry i 100% repeated/used random dividers, there are like 5 different screenshots of vanilla ice on the internet and they are all low quality lol

thanks for reading. let me know other psych related things you'd be interesting in seeing from me. i enjoy writing these psych heavy blogs a lot (more than art or anything else, tbh).

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sources

• prior psych knowledge • lifetrap test* • lifetraps and basic psychological needs** • enmeshment • 18 early schemas defined • subjugation lifetrap • jojo's bizarre wiki

* = this site was translated to english and wording may be incorrect, as some of the grammar is certainly questionable, but it's comparable to other sources.

** = this is a PDF. your browser may automatically download this file if you open it on a phone. some phones cannot open PDF files.

[marimopeace]

Shigure anon again. The reason why it seemed to me like he only loved Akito because of the dream is because of the words he uses in chapter 111. Why did the author specifically have to harken back to the dream and use that word? Why not just have Shigure simply say "I wish I could've fallen for someone like you" to Tohru, why use the word dream specifically if she was just trying to have Shigure say that he wished he could have fallen in love with someone kinder?

hi again anon!

thankfully for everyone this question requires a lot less rambling to answer:

1. always be aware of what you’re reading

so i can’t actually answer your first question at all tbh bc it’s not up to me to explain the author’s actions (since a reader of any series can only interpret things according to their own opinion) and your question is kind of invalid since the specific words you read were not exactly what the author wrote.

whether you were reading scanlations or the official tokyopop furuba manga, you can’t rely on the words on the page to provide such minute analysis into the story. it’s not the same thing as when you’re consuming in your own native language and can rely on quotes to support persuasive arguments (i.e. seeing captain america say his closing quote to falcon and getting the subtle nuance that sam will be the next cap--yes i’m a nerd i’m sorry this was the fastest example that came to mind lol). 

don’t get too hung up on specific words to dig deeper when the piece has been passed through so many channels. this applies to furuba especially since you’ll never quite get the “exact” meaning of everything (you get close enough but it’s not to the point where you can pick apart individual words and sentences like you want) and also since it’s a shoujo series aimed at younger girls. takaya (the author) did create a series that has darker conflicts and psychological themes but i doubt (and this is just a personal opinion) she would rely on tools such as wordplay or double meanings since that’s not shown in her writing style (compared to a series such as monogatari, which is rich in specific references).

2. context is your friend, don’t forget that!

i’m not trying to dictate the “proper” interpretation of shigure’s character or the events of chapter 111 here, since i am just a normal reader who has had no control over the creation of a series that we both enjoy, but i do want to lessen your confusion anon! your other asks made it seem like you weren’t trying to contest my opinion, but that you were curious to hear my thoughts and were confused by my explanation, so i want to help you get the clarification you want, which seems to be primarily focused on shigure in chapter 111 specifically.

similar to how the mechanics (grammar, word choice, quotes) of translated writing should be approached with an open mind, so should plot details.

you seem to be very focused on understanding shigure’s remarks to tohru about tohru/the dream. remember that the words he says in that moment are an expression of his intentions, but not what they’re built off of, his long-term motivations of the whole series have been built on his personality (a driven individual who is cunning and resourceful, read: manipulative), and his personal experiences (his past with akito yada yada yada). a few panels from one page of a single chapter can be used to try to guess what a character’s about, but you need more than that.

in the same chapter you referenced, shigure has a conversation with hatori that ends with a discussion of kindness, and shigure remarks that his scheming has made for a lonely time, and then the scene closes with him pondering something along the lines of “what it would have been like to have dreamed of a kind soul” (compared to the warped akito who the two had been conversing about previously). this is followed by a bunch of other things, and then the up pops the moment you’ve been referring to where shigure says his thing to tohru. this is an example of looking at whole plot details to understand why a scene happens the way it does, rather than relying on a single moment.

and then if there’s ever still confusion about how something should be understood, look at the other details you the reader have been provided by the author to understand their characters.

so in this specific case:

-have there been previous events to tie into shigure’s words at tohru? has he ever expressed romantic interest in previous plot points to warrant that kind of regret? no. but there have been many focused on hatori’s back and forth dance with akito--shigure admitting that part of him “hates” her (i think it’s actually referenced in the chapter you were looking at too), their sex game with kureno and ren, hatori checking in on his childhood friend if akito is really what he wants, etc etc--so maybe we can think of the regret in his words being more aimed at the underlying question: “what would life be like if i [shigure] never desired her”

-as the author has been building up her characters, has she hinted at bits of shigure’s personality that would warrant an interest in tohru? no, we have seen through the characters’ various antics that shigure is naturally the goofy teasing family figure who also has a stoic caring side for kyo, yuki, and tohru. so what do we know about shigure then? i’ll cut out a lot of things but we do know that shigure is the type to brood on his own about his aspirations. he’s had deep convos with his best bud hatori about his feelings and his underhanded means. we’ve also seen his dedicated love (there are many words to describe his feelings but this it the most general one) to akito, and can guess that it would be odd for him to suddenly throw away his long-term goals.

i’m trying to walk you through my own approach on things anon but truthfully your ask this time is more focused on semantics since you can only read so much from a single line of dialogue in these circumstances (takuya doesn’t pull tricks with dialogue and isn’t a complex writer).

again if there’s still any confusion, always feel free to send in an ask!

happy furuba consuming!