#be in an averagely healthy body and be neurotypical and look and exist like an npc

[damnedifivoodoo]

.

[eldritchsurveys]

815.

Have you ever laughed at someone because they had a funny name? >> Not to their face, but I’ve definitely laughed at some people’s names if I come across them online or something. Especially if it’s one of those names that can make a juvenile sex pun out of, lol. Speaking of names, why do celebrities always call their kids stupid ones? >> Power corrupts. But seriously, I don’t know why that’s such a thing. If you have a problem with someone, will you confront them? >> It depends on the nature of the problem and how annoying that person behaves when confronted. Sometimes it’s just not even worth it. How do you like your tea? >> Hot? Do you get car sick easily? >> Nope.

What did you want to be when you were a kid? >> Meh. Insert funny memory here: >> I can’t remember a funny memory on command. Do you think you’re a good conversationalist? Why is that? >> I can be a good conversationalist. I have the capability, technically. I just don’t always have the energy, the desire, or the motivation. Are you more likely to be called a hard worker or lazy? >> I’m more likely to be called lazy by the average observer. Especially if said observer is neurotypical. What is your sense of humor like? >> Expansive, I guess. I can find humour in a lot of different things. Do you think you’re fairly intelligent? In what way? >> I don’t care whether I’m “intelligent” or not, to be honest. The concept doesn’t really mean anything to me. I like to learn things and I am driven by curiosity. I like to use critical thinking skills to process biased information, and I am comfortable in the knowledge that I don’t know a lot of things. Those are all traits that I’ve seen described as “intelligent”, so, sure. How do you like your eggs? Scrambled, hard-boiled, over-medium, and unfertilized. Lmao. <-- PFF yeah tbh Do you enjoy visiting your relatives? >> --- What’s your favorite thing about the nearest upcoming holiday? >> The nearest upcoming holiday is Father’s Day, and I don’t celebrate that, nor am I in any way interested in it. Have you ever been on a float in a parade? What were you doing on it? >> I’ve been in parades, but on foot, not on a float. Have you ever had a strange compliment? What was it? >> I don’t know, maybe. That kind of stuff doesn’t stick in my memory very well. When was the last time you had deja vu? >> I don’t remember. I’m not even sure I’ve ever experienced it. Have you ever had a dream in black and white? >> I don’t think so. What about a dream with no sound? >> I don’t think so. What is something you find interesting but would never pursue as a career? >> Literally everything I find interesting. What types of people do you tend to avoid? >> People who tend to get aggressive really easily, people with strong bigoted opinions, and people who like to make fun of others. What is one personality trait a potential friend must have? >> *shrug* Never thought about it. Have you ever seen someone slip on a banana peel? >> Nope. Does that ever actually happen in real life? LOL Have you ever been in a helicopter? >> No, thank god. What is a color you love that’s not your favorite? >> Oxblood. Where would you like to travel to? >> At this point, fuckin anywhere. What color is your car? / What color would you like it to be? >> I don’t have a car. Sparrow’s car is silver. Does anything hurt on your body right now? What? >> Nope.

What is your favorite mode of travelling? >> I don’t have a favourite. Have you ever had chicken pox? >> No. Can you roll your eyes into the back of your head? >> Nah, not quite that far. If you have online friends, do you think you’d get on in real life? >> I’ve met my online friends in person already. We get along much the same. Who is your favorite animated character? >> Stitch is one. Are your favorites often what the majority like? >> In general? I mean, I don’t know, I’m not keeping track. If you could have anything for dinner tonight, what would you choose? >> I don’t know. I didn’t really eat much for dinner. There weren’t a lot of options. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? >> Savoury. Do you worry about eating too much? What about eating too little? >> Sometimes I get neurotic about stuff like that, because I just... don’t really know what qualifies as “too much” or “too little” so I get all in my head about it. It feels like life was so much easier when I’d given up on trying to be “”healthy”” or whatever, but I guess this is what I have to deal with. Trying to live well while having no concrete knowledge of what that actually means, while being constantly inundated with contradictory and often-unreliable information from all sides. Is it dark outside right now? >> Not quite. Do you get scared when it’s a full moon? >> Nope. Do you think Jaffa Cakes are a cake or a biscuit? >> They look cake-like to me, but I’m also not very familiar with them because they don’t sell them in this country. If you go anywhere, do you always buy souvenirs for people? >> No. What was the last toy you got in a cereal box? >> --- Hypothetically speaking, if you owned a charm bracelet, would you always make sure the charms meant something to you? >> Well, yeah, I guess. That’s the point, innit? I’m guessing, anyway... don’t actually know much about charm bracelets aside from the fact that they exist. Are you waiting on anyone coming home right now? >> No. Is it easy to make you gag? >> No. Do you like the way your voice sounds? >> It serves its purpose. Do you usually keep to yourself? >> Yeah. Can you see the stars from your house? >> No, it’s overcast. How would you react if your favorite band made a song with your first name as its title? >> If any band made a song with my name as the title, I’d be pretty pleased. I like things with my name on them. What is a word or phrase you’ve been told you overuse? >> I’ve never been told that. Are you considered an awkward person? >> By whom? Not by me, so. Has a career advisor ever helped you choose your ideal career? >> No. If you were abandoned for a week, would you be able to fend for yourself? >> What does “abandoned” even mean in this context? Like... this would probably make more sense if I was a minor or something. Is there a light on in the room you’re in? >> Yeah. Have you ever been friends with someone who was your complete opposite? >> I don’t think anyone could be my complete opposite. I’m not an archetype, I’m a complex individual with many contradictory traits. Have you ever wished you were an identical twin? If one, do you hate it? >> No. What day were you born on? >> Thursday. What’s your favorite number? Why did you pick that? >> 9 and 19. I... didn’t, really. That’s just the way it is. What does your favorite perfume / deodorant smell like? >> I can’t really describe what the roll-on oil I like smells like. I don’t know enough about scent theory, or whatever. Who’s your favorite Disney character? >> Stitch. Do you like having a favorite everything or do you enjoy keeping open? >> I actually don’t have favourites for most things. I usually like way too many things in a category to bother with singling out one over all the rest (or I’m not interested enough in a category to have a bias). What’s your favorite advertisement? Or do you find them all irritating? >> I do find them all irritating.

[datdemifiendass-blog]

The Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus

1. In short, what is a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus?

    The ‘Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus’, better known as ‘Feminazi’, is a majestic creature that is often found on the website tumblr.com. This creature spends the majority of their waking hours complaining about the patriarchy, and how fatphobic the world is. In general, this creature is convinced that calories are nonexistent and that the BMI meter is set up by men to oppress women and keep them under their control. No matter the shape of the woman, this creature is convinced that you can be healthy at every size, even when it is to the point where you cannot physically tell what their gender is.

2. Where can I find the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus, and how do I recognize them?

    You will find this creature mostly on mainstream websites such as facebook.com, tumblr.com and twitter.com. Some of them use services such as snapchat, or instagram. You can physically recognize this creature in one or more of the points below. The more points they get, the longer this creature has been on tumblr.com.

They have dyed hair, often in the colors blue, purple, or red. 

They have multiple ‘genders’ in their description page

They are offended by everything that does not fit their beliefs

They are more often than not, pushing their ideology on other people

They will thought-control you in every way you let them

They are more often than not, morbidly obese

    If no pictures or leaked sex tapes are found of said creature, you can often recognize them by their scrambled way of speaking, and autistic screeching over the internet. Keep your eyes out for keywords such as misogyny, fatphobia, patriarchy and mansplaining/manspreading.

3. What is the lifestyle of the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus?

    Generally speaking, the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus live in their parent's house, while paying for nothing on their own. They will constantly complain about things that involve luxury items, food, interpersonal relationships.

    The Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus is often holed up in their room, provided by their parents to spend the entire day, or night, bitching about their oppressed status as an individual. They believe that it is the duty of the parents to take care of them until they are well over the age of 18, and that they have to carry no responsibility for their lives whatsoever. This creature is convinced that because the parents chose to have children, they are now bound until the end of their lives to take care of them.

  This majestic creature insists on a daily basis that it is impossible for them in any way shape or form to lose weight. The reality of the matter, which is something that will destroy this creature's core identity; is that they are lying to themselves. It is often funny to see this creature struggle to keep up their own lies until a point where they contradict themselves.

4. What are the mating habits of the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus?

    As its name suggests, this creature does not mate often. The general steps a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus will take, are often fruitless. More often than not, this creature will leave comments or like pictures of men/women far more attractive than they are, and will get upset and call the subject in question names, such as fatphobic or misogynist, when their mating calls remain unanswered.

    When every step fails, the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus will make long posts about fat discrimination and blame society for not loving a woman’s natural curves, and pressuring women into unrealistic body expectations. What the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus is not aware of, however, is that said curves are generally not in the shape of a balloon with giant crispy sausages underneath.

5. What does a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus dietary system look like?

    The dietary lifestyle of a Laygotnonnius Whalegignaticus often exists of many snacks, flavored water and dietary soda’s. This creature is convinced that eating at least 3 big meals per day, often shooting up and beyond their daily required calories, with just one of these meals. 

    The Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus often adds in sugary products such as chocolate bars, chips and cookies without counting their calories. But meanwhile insist that their weight is purely genetic, and has nothing to do with their lifestyle. On average, this creature gets four to five times the amount of sugar a human being needs on a daily basis.

6. What is a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus’ natural enemy?

    The natural enemy of the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus are generally speaking men between the ages 14-35. They will refer to these men as ‘cis-heteronormitive-neurotypical-misogynistic-shitlords’. For convenience sake, we shall shorten this to ‘Nick’.

    Nick, is generally seen as a normal man, with normal sexual desires and something the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus will refer to as ‘the male gaze’. They have no filter in what they say, and thus they make this creature extremely uncomfortable. After one, and sometimes multiple encounters with one of these Nicks, the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus will either block Nick, or write long posts about the said Nick.

    Often, after an encounter with Nick, the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus will send naked pictures of themselves in the hopes of attracting this Nick. But after being rightfully rejected, and mocked they will stalk said Nick until they get ignored. This is when the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus will enter a passive agressive modus that can be potentionally damaging to your job and family life.

7. What can I do when I am confronted with the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus?

    The best way to approach this situation is with caution. Usually the best way of combating one of these creatures is by making them make a fool of themselves. The easiest way to go about this, is by letting them talk more than you answer. In general, these creatures are very autistic and dumb. They will fall flat in the brain departement faster than you could ever think of a comeback. Another effective method is to simply laugh at them until they go away. Sarcasm tends to go over the heads of these creatures so we do not suggest using it. If confronted too harshly, the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus will use their special move ‘screeching’, which will attract all near by other Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus to intimidate the Nick. If possible, keep away from this creature and let them retreat to their echo-chamber group on tumblr.com.

8. What are the risks of associating yourself with a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus?

    By far the biggest risk of associating yourself with a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus is becoming one yourself. In women this means you will gain weight, lose brain power, overall start dressing sloppily, as well as seeing sexism in everything around you. For men it generally means you stop being a man. You will find yourself surrounded by women’s rights activists, better known as harpies. You will hate your genitals and will find the sudden urge to chop them up to fight the patriarchy. You will have delusions about women being attracted to you now that you are fighting for them.

Other possible risks include:

Being impossible to be around, because you are annoying

Not being heard because what you say is not interesting

Losing friends because you are turning into a insufferable harpy.

    Different subjects have reported to have experienced stress, and a loss in freedom of speech around the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus they are involved with. Every word they have said will be twisted into something they never said.

9. I found myself involved with a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus, how do I get rid of it?

    By far the easiest way to get rid of a Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus is by disagreeing with their ideology, and having a different opinion. You will have to be persistent because the Laygotnonnius Whalegiganticus is known for bottling up their hurt feelings. At one point they will burst out and screech autisticly at you. They will claim to be extremely hurt, and that you are a toxic person to be around. They will throw all sorts of accusations at you, and what you did over the timespan you have been ‘friends’. This is the time you should make sure to call them a whiny little crybaby and laugh in their face. You will be cast out quicker than they can eat a cheeseburger.

    Alternatively, you can simply reblog things they hate. This is less confrontational and they will drift off away in silence.