#im suffering literally all the time and everything that could flare up is flaring up rn and i just

[damnedifivoodoo]

.

[stormyoceans]

monica im gonna need you to verbalise what the birthday scene did to you because i've been on the lookout for your reaction.. i know youre barely human rn so whenever you feel like it ofc 🥰

PETRI IT'S SO VERY SWEET OF YOU TO WANT TO KNOW MY REACTION TO THE MOST INSANE 20 MINUTES OF TELEVISION EVER PUT TO FILM BUT IM AFRAID I WON'T EVER BE MENTALLY FIT ENOUGH TO PUT INTO WORDS THE AMOUNT OF PAIN SUFFERING TORMENT AGONY ANGUISH SADNESS DESPAIR DEVASTATION DESPONDENCY HEARTBREAK AND DIVINE WRATH I WENT THROUGH WATCHING THAT ENTIRE SCENE LIKE I WAS GENUINELY WHITE KNUCKLING MY WAY THROUGH IT JUST GNAWING ON FURNITURE TO PREVENT MYSELF FROM GOING ON A KILLING SPREE AND PETROL BOMBING THE GMMTV HEADQUARTERS

i also feel like most people came out of the episode bawling their eyes out for mork and wanting to talk about him, and of course im no different, but at the same time im literally genuinely truly sincerely honest to god fr not kidding when i tell you i could spend the rest of my life talking about day and how good (and underrated) of a character he is. the frankly insane amount of thoughts and feelings i have about him basically overshadowed everything else EXCEPT FOR THE MURDEROUS RAGE I FELT TOWARDS AUGUST. and like.. the thing i appreciate the most about p’aof’s characters is that they’re all incredibly complex and nuanced, there are no heroes and no villains in his stories (despite what night says), so i do think that august cares about day and didn’t have any malicious intent, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions and august’s ones were wrapped up in so much ableism and selfishness since the very beginning, because he never really tried to understand day or think about what would actually make day happy, he just tried to lessen his own guilt for all the times he made day wait hours for him to show up, for all the matches he made them lose because his temper flared up, for all the forgotten birthdays, for not returning day’s feelings. i don’t want to hate august but the pity he feels for day and the guilt that stemmed from it ended up making day’s deepest fear come true and hurting him in ways august can’t even imagine AND IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY

mork’s anger was so relatable because mork, just like the audience, knows. he’s the only one who knows, not just about day’s heartbreak, but also about august’s words cutting much deeper than a simple rejection. this is exacly the reason day isolated himself and begged his mom not to tell anyone about him losing his sight, and the worst part is that august said all that to mork as if day wasn’t even there, as if he was invisible. honestly i could write a whole other post just about this scene and mork’s anger and the tear running down mork’s cheek not for himself but for day and day taking mork’s hand to stop him from hurting august and mork LETTING HIM and the hug but im sure other people already did better than i ever could and this is already getting way too long so let’s just say that the mental health crisis intervention team that’s always in the room with me when i watch this show had their hands full trying to sedate me (and to think that this was the better outcome too like.. imagine if mork hadn't come back. imagine if august had just walked away leaving day alone with no explanation whatsoever and no way of getting home by himself. KILLING AND MAIMING AND BITING AND TEARING AND RIPPING AND CLAWING AND STABBING AND PUNCHING AND KICKING AND MURDERING)

this mess with august is also making me both appreciate and hurt for day and gee’s friendship because she’s the only person from day’s past who isn’t treating him any differently and who is genuinely trying to understand him, and day TRUSTED her, when he needed someone and mork wasn’t there she is the one he called out for, which is HUGE, but he still isn’t ready to fully open up to her and you can tell this is hurting gee a little because she just wants to be there for him, especially after not being able to for an entire year. unlike everyone else, tho, she respects day’s boundaries and is gonna wait for him to come to her when he’s ready, so it pains me to think that what happened with august might push day towards isolation again (like i know mork isn’t gonna let that happen, but i think day is gonna have a hard time hanging out with other people again, at least for a while) WHICH IS WHY I NEED GEE TO DO WHAT DAY STOPPED MORK FROM DOING AND SLAP SOME SENSE INTO AUGUST

AND OKAY LIKE LET’S TALK ABOUT MORKDAY EVEN IF THINKING ABOUT THEM FOR TOO LONG MAKES ME WANT TO THROW MY WHOLE ASS SELF DOWN A WELL AND DROWN IN 5 CM OF WATER AND ALSO AS WE’VE ALREADY ESTABLISHED IM CLEARLY VERY BIASED TOWARDS DAY EVEN IF I DO TRY TO BE AS OBJECTIVE AS POSSIBLE BUT ALSO LISTEN. people out there blaming day for not falling at mork’s feet right away and hurting mork’s feelings by preferring august (which is not entirely true btw) can meet me in the pit and i don’t wanna get into this here since im just rambling and digressing from what you originally asked way too much, but the point is. people look at this as if emotions are completely clear cut and day can’t both have residual feelings for august and some blooming ones for mork that he isn’t fully aware of, and also everyone seems to forget that day can’t see and mork is his caretaker and he has no idea how much of mork being nice to him is mork actually liking him or mork just doing his job. all of this to say that MY BOY DAY WAS THRILLED AT THE IDEA OF SPENDING HIS BIRTHDAY WITH MORK OKAY??????? HE WAS HAPPY AND EXCITED AND GIFTED MORK HIS FAVORITE PERFUME AFTER SPRAYING IT ON HIM (i could act like a 12 years old and make a joke about day spraying himself on mork since the name of the perfume is ‘day time’ but i won’t because im better than that) [no im not] AND COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT EVER KNOWING SOMEONE NAMED AUGUST. so to hear mork say that he went there as a matchmaker probably was yet another thing that confused day so much about mork’s intentions (and it also had me on the floor recreating the collective wailing scene from midsommar but that’s a different matter)

and like don’t get me wrong, i have no doubts that letting day go with august was probably one of the hardest most painful things mork ever had to do and that the only reason he was actually able to go through with it is because he thought that august was where day’s happiness laid. it was also extremely painful to see mork alone in the background throughout the entire episode, unsure of where he stands in day’s life and feeling like he has no right to claim a place next to him, and day definitely had some part in making him feel like that but i also think that mork was so wrapped up in his own emotions (understandably so) that he didn’t really listen to all the times day was asking him to stay. "not a boss. let's just say im a friend", "why didn't you join us for dinner?", "so will you tell me now what you're going as if not my caretaker?". day may not be sure of his own feelings or how to define his relationship with mork, but he does know that mork belongs right next to him, and seeing day looking for mork and not finding him was just as painful as mork once again not being able to give the damn sunflower to day LIKE SERIOUSLY HOW MANY MORE SUNFLOWERS ARE WE GOING TO GO THROUGH BEFORE IT FINALLY GETS TO DAY STOP THIS MADNESS

AND DON’T EVEN LET ME GET STARTED ON THE SYMBOLISM OF IT ALL AND HOW - JUST LIKE AT THE BEGINNING THEY BOTH WERE THE UNHAPPY PRINCE AND THE UNTAMED FOX IN NEED OF A FRIEND WHO WOULD TAKE THE TIME AND EFFORT TO UNDERSTAND -THEY NOW BOTH ARE THE SUN AND THE SUNFLOWER CHASING THE LIGHT THAT MAKES IT VISIBLE BECAUSE THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN TRULY SEE EACH OTHER AND HOW ALL OF THIS TIES WITH THE KISS HAPPENING AS THE SUN RISES OR I WILL START MAKING RABIS-RIDDLED CREATURE NOISES

im very likely forgetting so many things i wanted to say and that are worth mentioning but this already enough of a mess and i’ve also reached that point of insanity where i need to go meditate in a sensory deprivation chamber to come down from the sheer manic energies that thinking about this show has me going on SO. let’s just leave it at that

IN CONCLUSION. RIP ME

[rianafying]

hello diary i’m back idk what is happening or why i ever feel what i feel, but here goes nothing

i’ve been feeling very creative today, had a terrible morning woke up insanely dehydrated, could barely move, my arthritis and psoriasis had flared up as well, i had to cancel my gig but they’re fine, they had other people on board. i don’t really feel like i missed out because i literally couldn’t have gone and needed to stay home and rehydrate, plus it’s like 37 degrees outside, i’ll stay home thanks. anyway, so i got some much needed rest and i ate and drank loads of water and i feel replenished now and i feel hopeful and creative and i wish i could’ve just started something, a project or whatever. but i have no many chores standing firmly between me and what i actually want to do. will is a terribly difficult thing to conjure. i had a telehealth appointment to get diagnosed w adhd in melbourne so i can access the necessary treatment, but they’re telling me it’ll be at least $800 and at least 4 sessions to just get diagnosed. and that to me is a huge undertaking. i told them ill think about it but what is there to think of, i know fully well i cant afford it. i wish i had an ipad to draw on. ive been wanting to draw something for ages and i could draw on my physical sketch book but i just haven’t? i just cant? its the guilt from all the chores i haven’t done. there’s a proper inspection due in 4 days and i just know it’s going to cripple me with anxiety as the date comes closer. there’s so much stuff that i want to do. and yet i do nothing. i’m not doing even 1% of everything i want to do, because im stuck doing 100% of the things i hate but have to do. when im older, i hope i get permanent residency in australia or any other first world country, i wish i have a safe and permanent place to live, regardless of size or quality. i wish i have someone who can help me with the tasks i struggle with and i can help them with tasks they struggle with and if we both struggle at the same things, we’ll understand each other, we can struggle and learn together. hopefully this will not be a romantic partner because i don’t think my brain is hardwired to deal with matters of the heart in a stable way. i hope that by the time i feel safe, the children of gaza feel safe too. i hope we win. i thought of them when i got dehydrated and worried that ill get a uti, i thought about how much worse they have it. i think of them all the time but especially when im suffering and im reminded that they have it many folds worse. i try to derive hope, strength, and gratitude from that instead of helplessness, and powerlessness.

i haven’t been able to take out the trash and get rid of my dead plants and they’re starting to attract bugs and i really need to do that today, i’ve been saying that everyday, it’ll just take seconds. i also am very close to having $0 in my account because i had to buy some meds and i found some vitamins for half price and decided to buy a whole buttload of them #forhealthiguess also its SO HOT. and im trying to avoid turning on my air conditioner because my electricity bill last month was $140??? like why? it’s a crazy world out here. crazy expensive. for the millionth time, i really should get a real job soon. or try to. i doubt i’ll ever have enough to be independent. i fear i’ll always be at the mercy of my parents. i fear i’ll heal too slow to keep up with the damage.

all day i did nothing. that’s not true, i went grocery shopping and i made meatballs, and spaghetti and it turned out great. the one thing i always cook successfully is any kind of pasta, never fails. i feel 50% guilty for not doing anything important today. such as taking out the trash, cleaning my room, etc. it’s the one thing i hate doing: house chores. makes me wanna scream, cry and throw up. i made a mistake, last night i accidentally left my earphones on the couch at reception downstairs and hadn’t even realised until earlier today when i was leaving the building and saw it on the couch. i feel so relieved that i live in a place where nobody stole it all day. part of me feels like i don’t deserve to live so well. because for nearly a year, i have been living wonderfully, everything’s going so well, and all my demons are inside of my own head. this is new for me. there’s no actual threat, i think. still feels like there is. i’m less overwhelmed than usual, but still pretty overwhelmed. there’s always too many ideas and not enough ability to implement them. how do i feel chaos and clarity simultaneously. i just need a break from this mental torment. i think getting my apartment clean will definitely help with that. but it’s such a big task, even thinking about it makes me fall to my bed and start to rot. suddenly i find that my body won’t move. adhd sounds like it’s so quirky and funny until you’re surrounded with piles of garbage and flying insects and there is a mysterious sticky brown patch underneath the fridge that just will not move. until there’s no space to walk from one end of the room to the other without stepping on and crushing things underneath my feet. it feels as if my brain has acquired an endless supply of shame and guilt. i will probably not feel focused until my room is actually clean. clean enough to be inspected. clean enough to maybe even have visitors. i get anxious just thinking about the prospect.

[mariska]

hello tumblr friends who live in my phone i just wanted to pop in real quick and let everyone know that I Am (somehow) Still Alive since i mentioned being very sick last month and did not want anyone 2 think i had finally Expired. wish i could say i'm doing better this month but while im definitely nowhere near as miserable as i was in April, i've been spending this month trying to deal with Sickness Aftershocks that have been making all of my long term autoimmune diseases/health issues in general flare up randomly really bad at pretty much completely random times and i also have a whole new fun set of similar feeling but definitely different and 100x worse physical health problems and its been extremely difficult to try and power through all of it like i'm used to doing for the 26 years i have been alive 😔 but i'm still hangin in there. idk how at this point lmao. subconscious fight or flight survival mode i guess. i'm like 99% sure i somehow caught one of the new covid mutations in April unfortunately despite the lifelong Agoraphobia and 3+ years of effort i've done to do literally everything in my ability to stay protected against it but. thats life i guess, u leave the house one or two times masked up hand sanitizer ready to go sweating from being overheated wearing clothes that cover as much of ur skin as u can stand and other people just Dont. so. i knew it would probably happen to me eventually i just was really hoping it would not! but. i will continue surviving as best i can because i dont have any other option or choice. but that is why i've unintentionally been distant here and online in general. it was already extremely difficult getting myself out of bed and taling showers and changing clothes and brushing my teeth and remembering to eat food and drink water before but now its reached a difficulty that i literally can't have any control over most of the time and its a lot of physical/mental/emotional effort to even tap reblog on a post online or respond to a text more so than it was previously. which again was already. very difficult to power through.

anyways! uh! yeah. life update i guess. i hope you guys are genuinely doing much better than i am this year and i hope you're all able to stay safe and as relatively healthy as you can. and please please please please at the very least wear some form of a face mask in public even if you're outside and not in a tiny building. i dont say that to shame anyone here i just feel like there are a lot of well meaning good people who arent fully aware that in the US at least the pandemic is very much not over and people like myself are suffering and dying because of that and we cant be the only group of people that are still doing our best to stay protected when we have to leave the house. if you're able to get some i highly recommend N95 type face masks because supposedly they offer one of the best chances of protection as long as you're wearing it correctly and it fits your face well; there's a really great non-profit organization called Project N95 that has an official website and a huge list of various face masks in a bunch of different sizes and types to order if you don't know where to find some high quality ones and they also have a form you can fill out and submit to request an order of free masks if you can't afford to buy them; their money donation pool goes towards providing masks (and some air purifiers i think?) to low income people/organizations/work places that doesn't have the funds or resources to constantly buy expensive batches of masks and their website is super detailed and well organized and has a long list of visual and written resources and information about different mask types, ways you can help keep yourself/your community safe, etc. so i highly recommend them if you are like me and are very stressed and anxious and confused about all of that information all the time. their site should be the at the top of the search results if you google N95 Project, it has a dot org site url so thats another way you can tell its the official site.

[kqtmansmokeschronic]

i cant really vent this anywhere else because of little stalkers and trolls and such, but fuck. my grandpa helped raise me because my mom had to raise 3 kids alone, his healths been up and down the past few years but last night... he had a fucking stroke and now he is in the hospital and its real. He's not dying anymore, hes dead and we're all just waiting to find out he gone, including himself, i cant imagine what he feels right now...this hurts so much. He was my male role model as a kid i didnt have anyone else and i was shy i didnt have alot of friends... i hung out with my grandparents. I love them so much man and the same day the same exact day, my beautfuil rescue dog who i rescued when i very very first got clean and im 10 years sober now, she helped me through it all she supported me there nights she kept me going i didnt have the same support that i do now my mom knows my needs when im in a mood like that and my boyfriend keeps me keeping my head up and walking forward but not because hes commanding or strict hes laid back but i keep going forward for him i want to make a life with him and before i had given up i thought i did everything and it was just waiting for my time to come as my grandpas but he saved me forreal he turned my life around so much so i have the support now but my baby, my poor undeserving of any pain little baby has been having seizers daily for a while now, but just one, the other day she didnt just have 2 but 3 and now for a few days thats the norm. for weeks she has a terrible cough like a hairball but there is no hair she just vant breathe and i saw both her eyes are cloudy she has cataracts in both of them and shes lost weight you couldnt feel her spine before at all and now its poking out, she doesnt seem to be able to eat as much food and her balance and everything is off its just one by one by one then the seizures so we (me and my om) knew... where this ends up but have done the best to keep her pain free and healthy and loved but at this poin. She is suffering, and she's suffering more and more as each day goes by, i guess selfishly and morbidly i hoped she would pass naturally because choosing is so hard. but she's suffereing and it not fair to make her suffer just so i can give her a few more treats and get a few more face full of kisses. I have to let my sweetheart go because if i dont i'll be hurting her...and its making me cry so hard right now just even considering i could ever hurt her in any way i could never. i wanted my boyfriend tto meet her... i wanted him to see what my life is and whats gotten me this far and to him and if he walks into the house and she isnt there he's going to miss a big reason im here its only a week away but i dont know if its humane to just not do it until after just so he can meet her... unless the vet says thats okay or wants a appt later anyway i just i have such a migraine i literally need to go to the ER but of course its my pick up day to get my takehomes from the methadone clinic cause i need my MAT(medication assisted treatment) but i cant stop crying and it keeps flaring tthe pain in my head and i just hope i can go to sleep and not have to go to the ER but i dont know i might have to. I love you isaac. i need you so much. even when im sick and anxious and can barely speak having you there is the only thing that stops the sheer panic and terror you bring me back into reality and you mean everything to me

[newtedison]

my thoughts on the crank palace

i touched about this a bit on twitter (@newtedison_) but i figured i would Try and touch on my points more here (spoilers obv) again, its sort of lengthy

1. im gonna start with talking about the ending because i need to get it out of the way. either i havent read the books in a while and i forgot some canon (which could very well be true, i literally forgot that Bliss was a thing) or this ending makes no sense and is (somehow) setting up for a tdc sequel? so first off, newt was shot in the Head with a Bullet and somehow didnt immediately die? i know that that can happen in real life but it just seems so unlikely that not only would he not die, but he would survive long enough for someone from WCKD to transport him back to their labs and try to revive him. and who the fuck was he talking to? did thomas get newt’s journal at some point and i just dont remember? like i said, either im forgetting stuff or this ending doesnt make sense and is setting up a sequel which...i’ll get to later

2. why was this written? like, what was the point? i understand that this wasnt going to be all sunshine and rainbows but i feel like i was reading torture porn. like, literally all that happens is newt gets tortured (which is described in detail) by WCKD soldiers, has bouts of insane-fueled rage where he KILLS MULTIPLE PEOPLE, and then he dies. ??? what did this contribute to the canon? what was this trying to accomplish? truthfully, i never really wanted a newt-POV...well, anything except for maybe those little nuggets he wrote some time ago. but even if i HAD wanted a newt-POV novella, this is not what i would have wanted. he KNOWS that newt is almost universally the most loved character in this franchise. you can tell because he constantly uses him as a way to get fans in his good graces again. so why on earth would he take that character that so many people love and write a novella where its torture porn and a descent into madness before death? i am not interested in that At All. i’ve read fics (and even written a drabble) where newt is a Crank, and those were more respectful and easier to read than tcp. the parts where newt is having bouts of the Flare were literally exhausting to read; it was described in such vivid and torturous detail that it made me sick reading it. and it didnt help that newt is a character i care a lot about. i didn’t need to know what becoming a Crank felt like. the way it was described in the other books (and even the movies) told me everything i needed to know. the way thomas and everyone found newt at the crank palace in tdc and hes described as obviously not well, but not knowing what exactly happened to him...thats good enough on its own. the mystery of what exactly newt had to endure is part of what gives his journey more emotional depth. not everything needs to be written out and explained. not every gap needs to be filled in. 

3. me saying “the characterization felt off” is going to make some people roll their eyes because ‘duh, sami, the characterization will be off because he’s going insane’ to which i say...exactly. we weren’t really reading a newt-POV novella, were we? even if he isn’t past the Gone in the beginning, hes clearly not the same person we knew him as. the whole novella felt like an uncanny valley situation; i knew i was supposed to be reading about newt, but it felt like i was reading about someone else who looked like him. and that is part of what made this such a disconnect and made me lose interest at parts. not only that, but the world building and lore is inconsistent. newt makes a comment about how it used to rain in the glade, and apparently (as ive been told) that is simply not true. keisha having somehow working cell phone that magically connects her to her family also doesnt make sense. how would they have each others’ numbers? what are the odds that they BOTH found working cell phones in an apocalypse? i get that its a novella but you cant just throw something that crazy in there as a plot convenience. actually work on your plot and world building in a cohesive way, please. and another thing that doesnt make sense...

4. ...is newt finding out that sonya is his sister. if there was anything i would have wanted from a newt-pov novella, it would have been this. him finding out that not only is sonya his sister, but he already knows her post-WCKD. something that would have made this novella actually captivating, contributing something worthwhile to the canon that i would actually want to read, is if newt found out while in the crank palace that sonya was his sister; the Flare would remove that part of the Slice in his brain, and he would realize it was her. then, knowing that he couldnt go past the Gone before seeing her, he would try to find a way to get back to her. he could learn this after thomas and everyone originally see him, so it could match up with the canon. and then, by the time 250 comes along, hes lost all hope of that actually happening, and lashes out to thomas in a fit of rage. the journey of him trying to find his ACTUAL sister would have meant more to me than the story of keisha and dante. trust me, i love a found family trope as much as the next girl. but this series is FULL of the found family trope. it pretty much is the backbone of the franchise. so to see a blood family dynamic would have been a refreshing change of pace that i actually would have been interested in reading. also, the way that newt DOES find out about sonya is...underwhelming. he just randomly says “you remind me of my sister, sonya” to keisha in the WCKD truck. first of all, sonya is not the name you would actually know her by. you would know her by her birth name (which is lizzy? elizabeth?). second, why does he act like he didnt already meet her in the series? when the WCKD doctor tells him sonya is his sister and is alive, hes so surprised. wouldn’t he have known that already? why is there not more emphasis on the fact he already met her? that would have been a really interesting dynamic to explore, and im sad they didnt

5. the pacing and dialogue of tcp is so dragged out. i remember specifically there was a section where newt goes to talk to keisha after she starts abandoning dante, and i swear to god there was a page and a half of text before anything ACTUALLY happened or anyone ACTUALLY said anything. dashner described a launcher at one point as “the energy dependent electric firing projectile device.” that’s SIX words to describe a stun gun. a fucking stun gun! we know what it is! why did you have to use six words??? it just felt like everything was dragged and stretched to the longest it could possibly be and it added to the exhaustion i felt while reading it

6. okay i cant end it without talking about newtmas. its very obvious by now that newtmas is a VERY large part of this fanbase. its clearly the most popular ship and what keeps a lot of people interested in this series. even the marketing team for the MOVIES used newtmas as a advertising tactic (i.e.; using thomas and newt standing face to face as a thumbnail for the trailer, emphasizing newtmas based questions in interviews, even making a fucking facebook memories video for them. yes that last one is real). not only does dashner use newt as a way to lure fans in; he also uses newtmas. the parts that were sprinkled into this were so obvious that it didnt feel authentic. i cant speak for the original trilogy; i dont know the culture around ships back then, and i dont know how much it influenced his writing at the time. but the scenes in those books felt more genuine than tcp. by genuine i mean; he wrote scenes without a relationship in mind, but the chemistry had noticeable subtext that, while unintentional, was largely agreed upon by the larger audience. the parts of newtmas he added into tcp felt artificial and forced, likely as a way for people to take snippets of and use as a free marketing tool for him. one example you might have already seen; “he had already gotten used to his post-thomas, post-WCKD life.” the fact that dashner SPECIFICALLY used the phrase “post-thomas” rather than “post-his friends” or something similar shows that he is using newtmas as a hook on purpose. not only that, but to make newt’s last thoughts as he died “tommy. tommy will understand...” is...wow. first of all, i never wanted to know what newt’s dying thoughts were, but thanks, i guess? and second, when we all initially thought newt died underneath thomas with a gun to his head, i was pretty much inferred that newts last thoughts would probably be about thomas; they would sort of have to be, given the circumstances. so adding that in gives me the same feeling that “i’m coming for you, newt” at the end of the fever code gave me. not as offensive, but written very much on purpose. and the ending is implying that there will somehow be a sequel where thomas gets newt’s journal from...someone. at this point, i can only think that this sequel will retroactively make newtmas canon somehow. now that newt has been confirmed as gay, it could happen. which brings me to my last point...

7. hearing dashner confirm newt is gay was already mind-boggling before. now that i’ve read the crank palace...im angry. im very angry. i think its safe to say that newt is the character that suffers the most in this series. you can argue with me but hes definitely high on the list, if not #1. so; you take this character. you give him a horribly sad arc in the original trilogy, then decide to expand upon it and tell us, your largely QUEER fanbase, exactly how painful and torturous his last days were, in detail. and then you tell us he’s gay. something that is never mentioned in the canon, only in an offhanded reply to a tweet of someone calling you out. on a base level, i can understand why people would be happy. representation (i guess), seeing themselves in the character, having their headcanons be confirmed. great. but what i see is you telling your largely queer fanbase “hey, you see the only confirmed gay character? im going to literally write torture porn about him before killing him off and offer it to you like im providing a service to your community.” how fucked up is that? “hey, kids, if youre gay, you WILL be violently tortured and become violent and a danger to the ones you love. then you will die and your love will never be reciprocated.” what a message! and if he DOES end up retroactively making newtmas “canon” in some weird sequel...i will start foaming at the mouth. THIS is an example of how not all queer representation is good or genuine.

i’ve definitely forgotten some points but this is long enough already. let me know if you agree or if theres anything else you want to add! im interested in what you guys think

(8. I JUST REMEMBERED!!! if WCKD needed to study newt so bad bc sonya is his sister and is immune while he isnt, why did they let him run around the crank palace in the first place??? you cant test his vitals or anything you’re literally just watching him. what is the point????)

[subjecta5newtella]

alright fuck it it’s been about a week the blinding rage has simmered down into a tasteful anger stew so I’m gonna talk about the crank palace a little. technically this is probably spoilery, but I don’t really go into specific plot points

there’s... a lot of shit I can point to that’s wrong in the crank palace. blatant contradictions to things in the original trilogy. pacing. weirdly explicit descriptions of violence. some truly baffling choices made when it comes to dialogue. newt forgetting glader slang for some reason? everything about how sonya and newt’s sibling relationship is handled, which is still probably something I can’t talk about without going nuclear so i’m just gonna direct you to point 4 on sami newtedison’s excellent post here. 

some of these things just make it hard to read and enjoy from a technical perspective, and some of them show that there wasn’t enough care taken to make sure basic established in-universe facts weren’t directly overwritten. while all of those are warning flags in their own right, the issue at the core of tcp is, in my distinctly less than humble opinion, that newt himself is barely a character in his own novella.

obviously at the point where the story starts, he’s not going to be the exact same newt we’ve seen throughout the trilogy. partly that’s because we’re now actually in his perspective, partly it’s because the flare is progressing so quickly, and that would create some understandable differences. the problem here is not just that he’s kind of different; the problem is he’s hardly an actual character at all.

one of The Most Basic things about characters is that their history has an impact on them. this is not fucking groundbreaking, but I say this because I literally do not think it’s achieved here. aside from his resurfacing memories (which... even then is basically all stuff we already know from tfc) we do not learn anything about newt that is not established in the trilogy, which is an incredible waste. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that when people have expressed interest in newt’s POV, it’s to get information we don’t have from the earlier books, like his time in the glade, conversations he had that thomas didn’t see, anything we couldn’t see or easily extrapolate from thomas’ perspective.

thomas in book 1 has no memories. newt, theoretically, has over two years of them at this point, so why doesn’t it feel like his pre-series past exists any more than thomas’ does? i’m not about to subject myself to a reread just to 100% fact check this, but I don’t think we get any meaningful recollection of his time in the glade before main series canon begins. there would’ve been plenty of opportunities for these kinds of things to be woven in naturally, but more crucially, there are a couple places where I think pieces of his past should have absolutely come up, and they just... don’t. 

newt obviously has leadership experience as the glade’s second in command, and yet in tst is very vocal about not wanting to be the leader. when he’s kind of thrust into a leadership position in tcp, both of those things should affect the way he acts, and yet they don’t really seem to. if we’re looking for places to sprinkle in memories, this would be a really good one. he could be thinking about the point at which he became alby’s second, the reasons he accepted, and the anxieties associated with that, all in relation to his current situation. in tcp, becoming the leader of the group of cranks is just... straight up something that happens to him because he was a WICKED subject, with no real internal strife about it. I do not like the vibe of this whole plot point anyway, but im not gonna get into that. 

in a similar vein, I swear to god dashner forgot newt used to be a runner, because there are times where it should have logically come up. there’s a point at which newt talks about minho as a runner while giving absolutely no indication that he himself also used to be one, even though during the situation in question it would be relevant for him to have the skills and memories of his time as a runner (you could argue this was forgotten in any meaningful way as of tst because a similar thing happens, but i’m not gonna go on that rant rn). this is a crucial fucking character piece! based on a loose timeline, newt was a runner until probably ~6 months before tcp. it should have an impact on the way he acts and the way he evaluates situations.

regarding minho himself, newt’s descriptions of him feel like he read the wikipedia page, not like this was a) someone he’s been through over 2 years of highs and lows with and b) one of his only surviving friends in the first place, let alone one of the only ones from that original group. and minho’s hardly the only one that gets fucked over. alby? newt’s best friend as of the first book, with whom he co-ran the glade and who literally saved his life? mentioned once, as part of a list of the dead. those are the two that immediately come to mind as deserving better based on the way we’ve seen newt interact with them previously, but none of newt’s dynamics with existing characters feel lived-in at all. I think that contributes significantly to the fact that he feels so off, and frankly, not really wildly compelling a lot of the time despite being one of the most interesting and well written trilogy characters (there’s also times where his dialogue is just... weird and ooc, but im trying to stay out of nitpicking to that degree).

and to what end?? was dashner just too lazy to write in anything more than what’s established after this long? was it because creating any too-meaningful relationships with other characters could potentially take away from the thomas/newt dynamic that it seems like he’s relying on in order to stay relevant? even for people who go hard for newtmas, I can’t imagine it could really be considered a bonus to have one character’s past and other significant relationships stripped away. also?? even though he mentioned thomas’ name a lot, I don’t feel like we got that much of a sense of a meaningful connection there either. 

there were parts I liked about tcp, which may come as a fucking shock at this point, but still. keisha was a good character, a good break from the mold in terms of anything we’d seen before in the series, and I did honestly appreciate some of her interactions with newt. some of the minor characters were kind of interesting, and there were a couple small pieces that were... surprisingly well written? i think in terms of word choice and description, his writing has improved from what we see in the trilogy, so there’s my positive feedback. also, newt bitching about the lack of fruit and vegetable offerings at the crank palace was objectively funny as shit. one of the most genuine moments of Personality in the whole thing.

this could have been something. I think some pieces would’ve worked well as a short story, in which case I wouldn’t have expected nearly as much in terms of characterization and utilization of backstory. instead we just get a lot of suffering and not much out of it, because the one thing that could’ve made it worth it was an actual deeper understanding of this character and I truly don’t feel like we got that. 

[justsomefluff]

Can we have a reaction for Ateez finding their s/o sleeping in random places, like the kitchen floor or a cabinet, under the bed? Please and thank you!

A/N: This is so funny to me because I relate so heavy no lie.

Hongjoong:

Okay, so basically

You fall asleep on the couch, waiting for Joong to get home so you could go to dinner together

At some point during your little nap, you fall off of the couch and onto the floor

The only real problem with this is that you are right underneath the lamp

So, the only logical solution to this new problem is to roll under the coffee table

Which you do, and then just fall asleep again, no biggie

When Joongie finally gets home he calls for you like always

Totally expects you to come running, excited for dinner

But, alas, you do not

So, he spends about an hour looking for you all over the place

Kinda starting to freak out

Ends up standing in the living room and pounding your number into his phone

After the first ring, he hears your phone going off in the same room

and then a very loud thud followed by some less than polite vocabulary

He looks down at you, wiggling your way out from underneath the table and stretching for your phone

You notice him, and it’s kinda awkward for a second

you kind of feel like you were caught doing something you shouldn’t be

“Hey” 

“hey…”

Then Hongjoong is laughing

like full falling over in tears laughter

Like how dare you judge me for sleeping where I am safe from the light

After he finds his composure, he just tells you to get up so you can get food

And you do, and he doesn’t mention it again

Not in words anyway

But if ever he can’t find you, he always checks under the coffee table first

Seonghwa:

(PRETTY BABYYYYY)

Okay so Seonghwa was gonna be home in about 2 minutes based on his text

So, you decide to try and scare him

Knowing he typically goes to the kitchen first, you situate yourself in a cupboard

There’s literally a pan handle up your ass, but it’s worth it for the prank

Seonghwa’s 2 minutes quickly turn into a half hour

You’ve fallen asleep by then since you had been sitting still for too long

When your boyfriend finally gets home, he’s already shouting apologies into the front hall

“THERE WAS SO MUCH TRAFFIC”

just his excuse to complain no lie

As predicted, he goes straight into the kitchen, still ranting about his day

fully expects you to join him at some point

Did not expect that you would be crawling out from the cabinet though

You heard him yelling once he got into the kitchen and you were like “I guess it’s too late now”

You push the cupboard door open… straight into his shins

“AH OW WTF”

he jumps about 10 feet

so I guess the prank kind of worked??

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

you just kinda shrug, still a little groggy and sore from being in such a weird position

“were you asleep?”

you nod and yawn and then all of a sudden he’s soft

Scoops you up and plops you on the couch for cuddles

Will definitely make you answer his burning questions later but he’s feeling all snuggly now so it can wait

Yunho:

(Barefaced Yunho im in tears)

When Yunho comes home after work, having stopped and picked up ice cream because he felt he deserved it (AND HE DOES)

Struts around the house with the ice cream balanced on one hand

Hoping to find you and make you laugh

Cannot. Find. You. Arm. Getting. Tired.

Finally puts his arm down, totally defeated

Wanders through the different rooms before he catches a glimpse of your socked foot peeking out from behind the couch

Leans over and sees you fully tucked in, blankets and pillows everywhere

Knocked OUT

He gingerly steps over the couch… jk he tripped

Falls on you

You scream because 1) scary 2) ow

He’s stuttering apologies but also laughing his booty off

Asks what you are doing back there in the first place

“wanted to make a fort but got sleepy”

“FORT FORT FORT”

demands that you get up and help him finish making it

“I’LL GET THE SNACKS”

eventually, he returns with basically the entire fridge

then you set up a movie and snack together and its so cute but then you both end up passing out anyway because the fort is just the comfiest

Yeosang:

ok one thing I will say about Yeosang is I feel like he can pretty much fall asleep anywhere too so he’s not gonna judge you

how you ended up falling asleep on the bathroom counter may remain a mystery forever

you vaguely remember climbing up on it to get a better look at a zit or some other blemish you wanted to get rid of, but after that who knows

Yeosang rushes into the house after work

literally screaming that he’s gonna pee his pants

Runs into the bathroom and slams the door

Scares you and you almost slip off the counter and onto the tile floor

“GET OUT I NEED TO PEE”

you’re barely awake and he’s screaming at you

so confusing but you just kind of waddle out the door and fall into bed

you wait for him to finish and he comes out with a smile

“I’m better now”

“you woke me up you dramatic idiot”

“what do you mean? I didn’t wake you up, you were in the bathr- OHhhh”

You just kinda pout at him and he comes and sits next to you

strokes your hair for a little bit

You’re almost asleep and he can tell

“LETS EAT”

“KANG YEOSANG I SWEAR TO GOD”

and then you’re chasing him around

he is fearing for his absolute life

like he’s gonna suffer the wrath of a thousand suns for waking you up twice

boy better PRAY

San:

In the morning, San had woken you up and coaxed you out of bed with the promise of coffee

he did not tell you that he did not yet go and get the coffee

So, when he skips out the door to pick up your drinks, you literally just drop to the floor in front of the welcome mat

Like I’m sleeping and I don’t care where I just need it

And it was actually a pretty good morning nap until San almost knocks your nose off your face when he swings the door open

At first, he’s kinda worried like… “you good”

And you just scold him for almost killing you with the door

“Not my fault you chose to sleep on the floor. I got your coffee”

Thrusts it into your face

the only thing more bitter than your face is the drink

“you almost killed your sweet sweet baby aren’t you sorry?”

“it’s you’re fault in the first place”

and I mean he’s kinda right but he’s the reason you’re tired

waking you up early with lies… coffee wasn’t even ready yet

so you have a good natured squabble about your sleeping habits and San’s door-opening habits before coming to an agreement

You can only sleep in front of the door when he’s already home

And he can swing the door open with as much dramatic flare as he wants… as long as he can see you are clearly not within range

a perfect compromise imo

Mingi:

Mingi is such a dork okay

when he finds you curled up in front of the oven he starts laughing really loud

shakes you awake because he just has to know what you think you’re doing

You explain, patiently, that you are waiting for your brownies to finish, and that the oven is really warm

Mingi will just nod in agreement and be like “of course, of course. you’re so smart, jagiya”

Gets up and leaves you there for a minute but then returns

He has more pillows and an extra blanket

He also brought your laptop so you could watch a movie

He pulls you into his lap after he sits himself on top of some pillows

Covers both of you in the blankets and then makes you hold the computer on your lap

You fall asleep again within 10 minutes, and although he’s getting sleepy he’s like

Someone has to make sure the house doesn’t burn down

Mingi should not be in charge of this and we all know it

But what can he do?

So he watches the movie for a while before the timer on the oven finally goes off

You snap awake so quickly that Mingi jumps a little

“MY BROWNIES ARE DONE”

and then you eat brownies and cuddle some more

But Mingi is not allowed to have as many brownies as you because you did all the work in the first place so TAKE THAT

Wooyoung:

(hIS SMiLe)

When Wooyoung gets out of the shower after a long day and finds you… not in bed where you should be

He pouts…like a lot

Wanders around for a while

Almost gives up when he catches a glimpse of the hoodie (his hoodie) that you’re wearing

Opens the closet door…was kinda scared not gonna lie lmao

Then he’s LOUD

laughing at you like a crazy person

Screaming at you through his laughter

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY ARENT YOU IN BED? HOW ARE YOU SLEEPING HERE?”

“WOOYOUNG TAKE IT DOWN LIKE 18 OCTAVES, KID”

whispers, “sorry”

asks you again what you were doing 

you just kind of look at him because, to be honest, you don’t really know either

just experimenting with some new bedding, I s’pose

He drags you out of the closet by your heels and forces you into bed where he cuddles you close

you can still feel his chest vibrating from all of the giggling

He never gets over this

every time he finds you sleeping in a new spot, he’s like “FIRST THE CLOSET NOW THIS”

Jongho:

Jongho gets protective when he finds you sleeping in weird places

He doesn’t want you to wake up stiff from being in awkward positions and everything

So when he finds you dead asleep on top of the kitchen table, he is less than surprised

Like he knows you’re a whole ass meal but seriously?

But also lifts you and walks you over to the couch

Sets you down and then just stares at you like a creeper until you wake up

When you do, he’s scolding you straight away

“You’ll hurt your back”

“what if you fell”

“MY GOD WE EAT THERE”

And then you’re laughing because even he knows he’s being dramatic and he always is when you do things like this

“thank you for moving me to the couch, Jongho”

he huffs but he’s like “you’re welcome”

Always tries to make you promise not to sleep in such strange places anymore

“What you do in practice, you’ll do in the game”

“What does that even mean”

“One day we will go out to dinner and then you’ll probably just get on the table and sleep or something”

So dramatic, but he really loves you and everything he says is just out of worry

But every time he scolds you, you both end up laughing at each other 

And he secretly has a folder on his phone titled “where is y/n sleeping today?”

[infinite-hearts-333]

Burn marks

This literally just popped into my head, and i started crying, but heck it im putting it down on computer cause sUFFER-)

The AU belongs to @fangirltothefullest ‘s Centaur au!!!!

!WARNINGS!: Burning, angst, mentions of kidnapping, mentions of wiping, self harm- ish, probably really shitty writing 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan was done. He was sick of it. Sick of his past, sick of the whip, sick of that god for saken mark burned into his flack. They would never stop. They wouldn’t rest. No, no, they would keep coming, keeping chasing after Logan until he was dragged back to that- that hellhole of a mine shaft, and forced to work till he couldn’t. 

Centaurs never got what they wanted. He was a beast, a prize to them. 

And they would never stop, they would come clawing back like the demons they were, black inky claws coming to take him, steal him, hurt him-

Logan awoke with a gasps, choking on the air as he forced himself to take in a deep breath of sweet fresh air, hands quickly raising to touch his chest to check for that- that- A soft whimper, much to Logan’s shame, escaped his lips granting the silence of the night with its first noise until dawn. Breathe, he told himself. Your safe, its okay. 

Is it though? Whispered a voice back. Their always gonna come back for you. The others, well, their lucky, aren’t they? They aren’t branded. Like. You. 

Stop it. Stop what? Its the truth. No its not. My, my, Logan, I thought you never committed falsehoods? I’m safe here. Your never safe. Not with that mark. 

Logan’s eyes dropped to that filthy, disgusting, life wrecking mark. Pure fury filled him. So, it was his mark that set him different from the rest? Well then. He was going to fix that little problem. 

What are you doing?? Something i should of done a long, long time ago.

Logan rose from his stable, silently trotting out of the barn, and over house. A few minutes of fumbling with the kitchen window- designed so the centaurs could peek into the kitchen and grab stuff- he leaned in, snatching up a metal soup spoon, a bowl of water and a lighter. He placed everything on the sandy floor of the running ring, and then collected all sorts of twigs, branches, leaves- anything made of plant matter, and anything that burned. 

One click of the lighter, two clicks and Logan tried no to recoil at the flame. Pull yourself together Logan, he scolded himself. Remember why we’re doing this. Inhale, exhale and he bend down, coming to a sitting position and set alight to the small stack of flammable twigs on fire. He kept the water close. Next step. 

Logan then held the metal spoon over the flame, watching it in silence. Silence was nice. There was never silence at the mining shaft. He watched the metal start to glow red form the heat, and Logan inhaled once more, one hand fumbling with his tie, pushing nearly the whole thing in his mouth. 

He swallowed, bracing himself. For a split second he just let the glowing metal hover over his mark. This is for wrecking my life. And Logan slammed the burning metal into the mark. A scream forced itself up Logan’s throat, but he held it back, blinking tears out of his eyes. Pain, pain, pain and even more pain, burning, blistering, horrid pain flaring from his flank, but he bared it, pushing even harder. 

Finally, he pulled the spoon away- you couldn’t really call it a spoon anymore- whimpers forced themselves from his throat as the tie dropped out of his mouth. The metal was hardening quickly against his fur, and he got an uncharred stick, scraping it along the sensitive skin to rid of the metal,or really, most of it. Another whimper left his throat, pain causing the world to spin. He then dumped half the water on the fire, and the other half on his injury, causing him to hiss in pain. 

But he was smiling, despite the pain, despite the tears. Logan truly believed, that now, he was free, now that the mark was gone.

He was free. And then he tilted sideways, and passed out. 

[moistmailman]

House Wife AU part 4

Roman, on the phone: Okay Cindie, you need to learn how to relax and trust us. Just enjoy your anniversary with Pyrrha, and stop calling me non stop to check up on your kids. They’re safe.

Cinder, growling: Well I’m sorry for being worried about my kids being with one of the dumbest people I’ve known.

Roman: Now that’s just offensive. Mercury’s not that bad. He has his smart moments, and he’s honestly pretty good with kids. He’s playing patty cake with Tro-

Cinder: I meant you, dipshit!

Roman: What!? How can you even say that!? I am a master con artist! I’m a genius.

Cinder: I once saw you get swindle out of 60 dollars from a Girl Scout.

Roman, offended: Okay you know those Girl Scouts are persistent! Nobody can win with Girl Scouts! They are on a whole new level than anyone!

Cinder, groaning: Oh my god. I can’t believe this is the man whose watching my kids. What was I thinking!? I need to get home right now!

Roman: What!? No! Don’t! For god sake, enjoy your damn anniversary like a normal woman would! We have everything under control! Spend time with Pyrrha alone with no kids to distract you for the weekend. It’s literally just you, Pyrrha and a bed. This weekend should be amazing for you two, unless you keep interrupting it by calling me non stop! So at least TRY to be calm.

Cinder, sighing:.......okay, fine. I’ll try.

Roman: Great! Proud of you, you’re acting like an actual human being right now.

Cinder: But so help me god, if anything happens to my angels; ANYTHING! There will be no place on earth where you can hide from my wrath. I will literally raise the deepest and darkest depth of hell on to you, and I will flare you alive! Do you understand?

Roman, unfazed: Yep, pain, death, and suffering. Got it loud and clear. Have fun. *hangs up*

Mercury, playing patty cake with Troy: Who was that?

Roman: Who do you think? Mama bear wanted to make sure her cubs were alright is all.

Mercury: Really? What did you tell her?

Roman: I told her to relax and that we have everything under control. There’s absolutely no problem here. *looks at Achilles* Isnt that right, little man?

Achilles: Uncle Roman? I have a question.

Roman, fake tearing up: *sniff* You see that. Called me uncle Roman. I’m so happy. This weekend is going to be a breeze. What’s your question, squirt?

Achilles, looking up at Roman: Is my Mama a criminal?

Mercury, wide eyed:...........

Roman, wide eyed:...........Uh...Mercury, word in private please?

*Roman and Mercury walk into the kitchen*

Roman, Whispering: Okay, we have a giant problem.

Mercury, whispering: What do we do!?

Roman, panicking: I-I don’t know! I didn’t anticipate this! Things went south SO fast. That was like a throat punch to me! I’m panicking!

Mercury: I know! What kinda kid ask a question like that anyway!? They’re supposed to ask stupid questions, like why is the sky blue, where do babies come from, what’s your favorite Pokémon, how do mermaids pee? This isn’t a kid question!!! This is an interrogation question!!! I wasn’t prepared for this! This was NOT in the baby sitter handbook I read! Nothing in that book told me what to do in this situation!

Roman: Okay one, the Pokémon question isn’t a dumb question, mine is Greninja. Two, there’s a baby sitter handbook? And three, what the hell are we going to do!? How much does that boy know in there!? What if he has follow up questions!? If we mess this up then Cinder is going to butcher us!! I don’t want to get butchered! I’m too handsome and charming! I’m not supposed to die like that!! I’m supposed to die surrounded by beautiful women!!!

Mercury, pacing: Okay Okay Okay. Stop freaking out! We aren’t going to get butchered. Maybe it’s not so bad? I mean, maybe they already know? That’s a possibility, right? I m-mean, Cinder’s a straight forward gal, so is it really unlikely that her kids know about their mother’s *ahem* ‘occupations’? A-and maybe he asked that question in the first place because he’s a d-dumb kid who asks dumb questions.

Roman: Are you really suggesting that Cinder, a woman who we didn’t even know was married and has kids until 4 months ago, despite knowing her for 2 years, would tell her children that she’s a god damn criminal!? Did you REALLY suggested that!?

Mercury: DONT JUDGE ME! I’M GRASPING FOR STRAWS MAN! IM DESPRRATE! I FEEL AS IF IM ABOUT TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK! I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW! MY MIND IS IN A PANIC! I FEEL LIKE IM FALLING OUT OF REALITY! *starts shaking Roman* YOU GOTTA PULL ME BACK IN, MAN! PULL ME BACK IN!

Roman, slapping Mercury: PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN! FREAKING OUT WONT HELP ANYONE!

Mercury, rubbing his chin: Ow, What!? *slaps Roman*

Roman, rubbing his cheek: Ow you little- *slaps Mercury* Don’t slap me!

Mercury, slapping Roman: You slapped me first!

Roman, slapping Mercury: I slapped you because you were freaking out! Be a bigger person!

Mercury, slapping Roman: No! I don’t want to!

Roman: *slaps Mercury*

Mercury: *slaps Roman*

Roman, going for a slap but stops abruptly: Wait, what the hell are we doing!? We are in a crisis and are turning on each other! We need to figure something out right now! We are all we have at the moment!

Mercury: Okay, you’re right. We need to stop this. Let’s put our heads together and think of something. We’re two mature adult that can settle this. *starts thinking*

Roman:..........*slaps Mercury*

Mercury: You little piece of....

*meanwhile*

Troy/Achilles, listening to the constant slapping noises from the kitchen: ???????????????

*Both Roman and Mercury walk into the room with red cheeks, one of them whispering “I won that fight.” While the other saying “You did NOT.”*

Roman, crouching down: Okay kiddo, uh......can you explain to us why you think your mama is a criminal?

Mercury: Yeah, because we really need to know so we can tell your mother about it. So please tell us.

Athena, innocently: Because I once saw Mommy putting Mama in handcuffs one time in their room.

Mercury:..........

Roman:...........come again?

Athena: I once walked into Mommy and Mama’s room, and Mommy was putting Mama into handcuffs in bed. Mommy was saying something about how mama was a bad girl and needed to punished, but I didn’t know what mama did to upset mommy.

Roman:...........

Mercury:.........

Athena: Is my mama a criminal? Did she do something wrong?

Roman:...........*bursts out laughing* YOU SAW WHAT!? OH MY GOD! I CANT BELIEVE THIS!

Athena: What? What’s funny?

Mercury, awkwardly: N-nothing. A-and Uh...dont worry about your parents either. None of them are criminals, especially your mama.

Athena: Really?

Mercury: Yes.

Athena: Oh. Okay then. *starts playing with his toys again*

Mercury, sighing in relief: Oh my god. That was much easier than I expected. I was freaking out there for a second. I was absolutely terrified. How are you doing over there, Roman? Are you okay.......Roman? Are you listening?

Roman, on the phone: *laughing* WELL HEY THERE, CINDIE! IM SURPRISE THAT YOU COULD ANSWER THIS! I THOUGHT YOUR HANDS MIGHT BE CUFFED ON THE BED AT THE MOMENT!

*Mercury hears very loud and angry shouting on the other line*

Roman: THATS RIGHT! I KNOW! WHO WOULDVE THOUGHT THAT YOU’D BE INTO THAT STUFF, YOU ‘BAD GIRL’!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*Mercury hears even more angry and loud shouting on the other line*

Roman: OOOOOOOH, IM SO SCARED! HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KILL ME WHEN YOURE HANDCUFFED, HUH!?

Mercury:........kids, this might be the last weekend you will see uncle Roman alive.

[sagittariusboyfriend]

im gonna do a "how i see the signs" as well!!

traditionally masculine aries: a force of creativity. oftentimes politically correct. very friendly and easy to talk to, but will shift in temper and energy depending on whether or not he is in focus. musically inclined.

traditionally feminine aries: also a force of creativity. a kind of jittery energy that cant really be contained. might go up and down in volume a lot depending on social context but is always bursting to have a conversation. very awake and with fire in her eyes. openminded and wouldnt hurt a fly. artistically inclined.

trad. masc taurus: ugh horrible. forcefully straight forward, blunt in an unsensitive way, not that good at picking up on social cues because he is convinced of his reality. might be pompous and pretentious, even bitter. the flip side of venusian traits - pretty uncharming. snarky. way better at group/professional relationships than personal relationships. assertive in the workplace and is doing his job better than anyone else could.

trad. fem taurus: intelligent and an intellectual. sensual, assertive, has such a presence that people are in awe most of the time. might be pretentious but its actually genuine and doesnt come off as a negative trait. powerful.

trad. masc gemini: ahh gemini. witty, quick, reactive. genuine, but in short bursts. his intuition is based upon HOW he feels at any given moment, however he has no clue WHAT he feels. scared of emotions. might have a tendency to gaslight. obviously prone to communication and loves learning from history, but has a hard time seeing the bigger picture over the details. small things make or break him... for a week or so. then its forgotten, until something stirs it up 6 months later, and his emotions are all over the place; its like they get tossed up in the air and love might stick to the ceiling and pride to the wall and fear to that person over there and he has no idea where to start to assemble. charmingly childish, prone to grumpyness. social artisan regardless of controversial values or not. needs constant intellectual stimuli.

trad. fem gemini: does not need romantic relationships to feel like a complete person! prefers friendships over love relationships, and can usually pick and choose between lovers if on a romantic whim. not always even interested in shacking up with anyone, makes a happy independent single household. that "fun" friend. self-confident, quick, witty, might have a sharp tongue. absolutely excels in social situations and knows everyone in one way or another, and everyone knows of her in one way or another. prone to ghosting people for weeks because she simply forgets to respond. loses focus easily. probably works in sales. might come across as not so complex to other people.

trad. masc cancer: sweet, charming in a wholesome way. in tune with himself. intuitive and embraces and encourages talking about feelings. oftentimes very politically correct. might live somewhat of a fake life in the sense that he IS a family man, but cant help himself from wanting dirty, promiscuous sex for many hours with many random people. giving and generous - in every sense. probably does a lot of philantrophy or volonteers.

trad. fem cancer: reserved. exudes feminine energy, almost to a point that she is not comfortable with herself. very very sweet, just wants everyone to be okay. will disappear and reappear in social circles and no one will know where she has been, but theres an air of mystery to it and no one dares to ask. might be some kind of red preistess lol.

trad. masc leo: loyal, as long as he doesnt feel in the slightest that he has been made a fool of. very strong integrity, but an integrity that is based on image. easily approached, the nicest person in the room and will include and respect everyone. generous and genuinely loves anyone who does not come off as harmful, and will give you his last money if he feels you need it more. works hard to feel safe. creative in what he thinks is a funky way, but its actually pretty mainstream.

trad. fem leo: also honest, hard-working and loyal. integrity is also important. creative in traditionally artistic ways, like photography or drawing. has a natural authority but is the sweetest person and will NOT abuse it. very passionate about peoples equal value, doesnt really have a flare for drama at all, just wants to be stimulated. when she loves she loves with every fiber of her being and being affirmed by her partner is imperative to self-worth.

trad. masc virgo: retains information like a motherfucker! man, what a chattery bloke. an earth sign ruled by mercury makes the most, i think, well-rounded PR personality. gemini can frick off when it comes to arguments because trad. masc virgo WILL shut you down. he serves facts and will probably be a tad manipulative about it, but will also admit to it. doesnt really wait to run you over or quip back, and then just stares at you blankly as if he is waiting for a response. witty and warm like a sun to his closest, will make jabs and is cold like granite to people he doesnt like. might however have some ego issues.

trad. fem virgo: pretty much exactly like trad. masc virgo, only retains a certain jovial energy and a strong sense of nurturing and dicipline. very funny! authoritarian.

trad. masc libra: might come across as very calm and even meek at times. everyone likes him, no one dislikes him, but he isnt a big personality. nice and sweet and always positive. comfortable in the background as the glue that keeps groups together. not very verbally communicative, but ingenious when he channels his communication through music or art. wants to be appreciated and very much is. pretty private, but everyones friend.

trad. fem libra: full of the good venusian traits. loves love, loves good food, loves yoga, loves pampering herself and others. the best hostess you have ever met. has a hard time deciding on things and will make herself suffer through qualms and trials for days for something that, for anyone else, could have been decided within a couple of minutes. somewhat of a perfectionist. spiritual. gets along with everyone. very into female impowerment.

trad. masc scorpio: kind of rude, but smart. he doesnt know where it comes from, but his subconscious intuition oftentimes leads him to hidden truths, whether they are pleasant or not. might be the jealous type. can just trust his gut and will know exactly what is going on behind closed doors. intelligent in a very abstract way. might come across as always ready to strike just in case someone thinks they are better than him in any way.

trad. fem scorpio: does not show emotion easily. is very intelligent and knows how to lead a conversation where she wants it. inquisitive, literally opens her entire mind for you when you sit down one-on-one. not for anyone to enter, but for her to use ON you, and will analyze your behaviors to the core and dig around in there. make you see things from perspectives youve never even thought about. this could be used for bad, but usually its used for your own good because insight and truth, darkness into light is what she is after. intense. low key passionate. a great person to brainstorm with. excudes sultryness, but almost like a perfume, an illusion, mostly because people become so mesmerized with her psychological skill that they immediately figure she is coming on to them. powerful socially. doesnt want nor need drama, the quest for truth just gets ruthless sometimes. loyal if you dont mess with her integrity. unlike leo, her integrity is based on conscious and subconscious intuition. not into practical things in general. does not care for high morals.

trad. masc sagittarius: good at everything on the first try but gets bored easily, even depressed when forced into routine. diplomacy is important, so is personal freedom. a charismatic positive personality that shines bright and has an almost gravitational pull because of it. wants to be valued for his brain and generosity of free, non-traditional love and insight. learning is everything. the bigger picture is everything; abstract concepts that you can translate and cross-reference to different doctrines and schools and philosophies. on an eternal quest for knowledge in all situations, be it emotional or practical. "why do things work like this?" he asks and is genuinely excited to hear your and everyone elses reasoning. his goal in life is to get to know himself through others and to find firey partners to come along for the ride and share the fun. loathes drama, wants everyone to be accepting. optimistic. might be the guy many fall in love with but who is completely oblivious to it because he has his mind set on other things.

trad. fem sagittarius: very much like trad. masc sagittarius. also fierce, takes no shit, the life of the party, everyones instant friend and a BIG personality. equality is very important!

trad. masc capricorn: attractive, cold, sexual. on the grind, because everything works against him either way so he might as well work hard and overcome. dry humor and a smug smile, vicious eyes. but tender and fragile once you get to know him. so used to being the underdog in his own head that he hasnt realized everyone sees him as the leader. doesnt realize people follow him. doesnt care. is just and stern. is not afraid of delivering harsh truths, can shut you down with a look.

trad. fem capricorn: leads with silence. not because of shyness at all, its just a demeanor that comes naturally. although may have been shy when young, simply because of society. exudes power, unknowingly or knowlingly. intimidating and stylish as fuck. eloquent. uniformity is a keyword for everything. has learnt the hard way. hilarious dark humor. prefers respect to spectacle. is a force to be reckoned with and gains pretty much everyones respect.

trad. masc aquarius: might have a hard time deciding about personal freedom, what is and what isnt. contemplative, insightful, the least traditional of traditional men. high EQ, might prefer polyamorous relationships, almost lacks jealousy. tall and slender. very much capable of seeing through all points of view and will speak rationally. rarely gets heated in discussion because he just doesnt see the point in being reactive.

trad. fem aquarius: a higher being. high octave intuition; the person with the highest EQ youve ever met in your life. new insights with every breath. does NOT care for tradition, usually only indulges in the bare minimum of tradition to move about unnoticed in society as the penultimate alien being they are. she has an entirely different kind of mind that seems so complex and effortless at the same time, and her knowledge and ingenuity could change the world - if it was only ready for it. finds solutions to everything. altruistic. optimistic. so wise and so rebelliously young at the same time. manages to care for everyone and everything all the time. truly wondrous.

trad. masc pisces: an academic. a sensitive guy. highly philosophical, in its scholastic form. makes a good teacher of abstract concepts. always searching within himself first before speaking. interested in history and the human mind. constantly battles with feelings of not being good enough but always comes out as more and better than expected. probably very introvert.

trad. fem pisces: witchy. dreamy. some kind of seer. needs quite some time to process emotional impacts. has a tendency to mimick peoples traits and quirks without knowing it. very emotional, highly sensitive. very impressionable. open to and thirsty for new ways to make sense of all these emotional impacts, but might change ideologies and/or trim her sails to the current wind. conflicting subconscious emotional forces at play all the time which leads to a lot of self-doubt. not necessarily introvert, but introspective.

[heatobrienswife]

im really really bad at writing so go easy on me ok? ;w;

but these were going to be included in my s\is story i cut them since it was way too long anyway, these are two different fics even tho they're from the same story they're not directly linked the first happens near the start of the game while the others from the middle of it more or less 

tw stabbing mention n swearing 

Heat wandered down the corridor a little lost at what to do with himself, which was a little strange. He'd usually be fulfilling some duty or another but since they'd all changed a little while back everything was out of whack. Heat sighed, deciding to stop here he lent back against the wall, arms folded, he kept his gaze to the ground letting his thoughts consume him.

“Hey you'd never guess wot 'appened!!”

Heat grit his teeth in annoyance, great, he could hear Spike's annoying voice through the damn wall.

“What?” another quieter, much softer voice asked.

“... that voice??” Heat mumbled, his brow creasing in thought. “I... I know that voice, but, but I've never heard the damn thing before. How the hell do I recognise it?”

“Yeah, then the whole thing just 'sploded, I dunno why though,” Spike's voice rang out again.

“A-are you alright!??” that soft voice sounded from the other room again.

Heat's eyes widened as an odd memory flickered through his mind. He stood hunched over slightly, clasping his right hand, it was bleeding. A few gashes littered his knuckles, a glass table stood before him, shattered. He suddenly knew he'd punched it. Movement from beside him caused his gaze to flick to the side. A gentle, warm hand encased his wrist, holding him, as their other began to clean his wounds with a cool, damp cloth.

“A-are you alright??!”

Heat suddenly snapped back to his senses.

“Who..... who was that?” he questioned, running his hand over his face. “Wait..” snapping his vision towards the door, Heat bolted towards it. Grasping the handle he wrenched it open desperate to find out who that voice belonged to.

Spike, and the brunette, stood staring back at Heat, both startled at the door being flung open.

“The hells gotten in to you Red Bush??” Spike squawked.

“Was there anyone else in here?” Heat's gaze flicked between the two.

“What??” Spike replied, confusion obvious on his face.

“Was there anyone else in here!” Heat repeated, irritation clear in his tone.

“No, it's just me and Buzzers,” Spike said, gesturing between the two of them.

“She talked to you?” Heat questioned, his gaze fixated on the girl.

“Well yeah, I can't 'ave a conversation on me own now can I?”

heat just stood in the doorway staring at her,  “who the hell is she??” he thought to himself, this wasn't his first vision, or half memory of her, but it was the most vivid and the first time he'd ever heard her voice.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cut scene referenced

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16V5tiuJVh0&list=PLECF5CF0A66BCF20B&index=39

cut scene this is taking place during

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sr31EHtGalc&list=PLECF5CF0A66BCF20B&index=41

“Da'ts 'cause Heat don't know self control,” C/ielo chastised, giving a quick scowl in Heat's direction.

“Wait, what,” the girls voice startled C/ielo.

“He scuffed up de leader, ja,” he flicked his gaze over to her.

“Sorry if this sounds rude, but who cares?” she looked at him in disbelief.

“Huh,”C/ielo uttered, slightly intimidated by the angered scowl she was giving him.

“So S/erph got a scrape and a bruise, big deal. Heat was fucking stabbed!!” she snapped.

“Uh,” C/ielo stammered, taking a step back, unsure what to say.

“Heat was the only one who even attempted to get Sera back, he put himself in danger for her, he could have been killed. He went up to Bat and Mick, unarmed, and you're telling him off for scuffing up the leader! Heat not only put himself in danger for her, but he, while suffering a fresh stab wound mind you, came up with a plan to get her back while everyone else, INCLUDING our strategist, stood around doing fuck all!! He also fought Mick wounded! How the fuck do you know Heat even caused those marks? They literally just battled against Mick. S/erph could of got 'em from being whacked by Mick!!!”

Heat couldn't help staring at the brunette, eyes wide, as he listened to her increasingly angered ranting. This painfully shy, and almost silent woman, was almost shouting as she defended him from a petty jab. His heart rate had picked up pumping blood to his rapidly darkening cheeks. He slid an arm round his middle as a strange feeling fluttered through his stomach. Eventually, she ran out of things to say. She stood slightly breathless, scowling at the young man in front of her. He had his hands held up defensively.

“Okay, okay I'm sorry, ja? I didn't mean ta upset anybody.”

“That was some outburst,” A/rgilla laughed, having witnessed their back and forth, startling the brunette. Looking over to her comrade, her face burnt in embarrassment, her anxiety flaring up as she quickly flicked her gaze around realising that everyone had been watching her. She recoiled, her long hair falling forward to completely cover her face.

“S,sorry I- I didn't mean to,” she stammered, nervously fiddling with her hem of her gloves.

S/erph finally let Sera down, standing on her own two feet again she looked down at the floor.

“I'm sorry I-  I came here to help, but I've only created problems. There really isn't anywhere I belong.”

“'Hey, why you say dat, Sera?” C/ielo asked.

“You've got a place to stay,” Heat says, walking up to them.

“Well, I mean, we're y' know.”

“We're comrades, am I right?” A/rgilla chimes in.

“Yeah, that's it,” Heat replies.

“Comrades?” Sera asks.

“Dat's right.”

“I do not comprehend,” G/ale interjects.

“Oh hush, that's enough from you,” A/rgilla silences him.

“Hey, say something S/erph,” Heat, urges S/erph.

S/erph looks at Sera before giving a nod in approval, Sera couldn't help the smile splitting across her face, she threw her arms around S/erph's neck, hugging him tightly, as he slides his arms around her in response. Heat glares at them, jealously wheeling in his chest. Why the hell didn't Sera hug him? Wasn't he good enough? He cast his gaze away turning his head to the side. He caught sight of her, the brunette, the one who'd stood up for him. She stood alone, hair covering her face, her gaze cast to the ground. Heat walked over to her standing in front of her he cleared his throat.

“Hey.”

She peered up at him through her hair.

“What you did back there, I, uh, thanks. I don't usually have anyone on my side like that. I appreciate it,” he scratched at the back of his head, his gaze flicking away.

“I-it was nothing sir,” she stammered. “I just thought it was unfair of him to poke at you like that. Y-you did put yourself in serious danger for her.”

“Yeah, I guess. I didn't really think about it,” Heat flicked his gaze over to Sera, watching as she clung to S/erph's arm.

Heat curled his lip, casting his gaze back to the brunette.

“You don't mind if I stay here with you for a while?”

“Of course not,” she replies.

Heat moved to stand beside her, keeping his gaze away from the others. He couldn't help looking down at her, studying her. She looked so small compared to him, and kinda cute too. He began to feel that odd flutter in his stomach again, he had no idea what it was, but it grew stronger the longer he gazed at her.

[dw-writes]

Supernatural Rococo

HI GUYS IM NOT DEAD

A lot - if not ALL - of my blog is not moved over to my Wordpress! I’m still editing a few things over there, changing some titles and stuff so its a little easier to navigate and find things, but everything is there! And I’ve been writing little things. Like. This. Because Dominic Cooper literally owns my soul and Henry Sturges is a VERY gorgeous character.

Have fun with this little au original thing because I had fun writing whatever this thing is and idk what I’m doing with it.

French Rococo setting with what could be mysterious supernatural creatures in a thing that Im just writing for my own sake because I CAN and am currently using Henry as a place holder. HAVE FUN

A tea party at the Duchess’s palace was, while a normal event, also an extravagant one. Everyone wore their best, from their most stylish dresses to their largest wigs. You exchanged a glance with your sister as you both feverishly fanned your faces with carefully crafted silken fans. You had taken the time to curl and stack and pin your hair into a dangerously high pile atop your head but nothing like what you saw before you. Your curls stood out stark against the washed out whites and blondes of the company before you. Your sister, with her even darker brunette curls, stepped back.

“Should we have come?” Her voice was hidden behind her fan, which now covered half of her face.

Your eyes never left your mother as she descended into the gossiping crowd. Powder blue dress, skin just slightly too sun-kissed, with a carefully balanced wig to offset the look pinned against her skull, she almost looked like she belonged there. A woman in a soft pink dress with wide bustles at the hips turned to her and embraced her as though she had been long expected.

“It’s for mother,” you replied.

“You know they only invited her because she has money now.” Your sister’s voice had lost its whisper. Her fan dropped to her waist as she continued to fan herself. It was a soft spring green, like her dress. Brand new. Expensive. Imported.

“We have money now,” you corrected.

“Because father had money.” Your voices droned together as your thoughts became one.

You snapped your fan shut. “More reason for wealthy to feel pity for widow and her daughters.”

You walked down the small hill to the sprawling flat acre of land that the tea party took place on. Your sister followed. The modest hips on both of your dresses allowed her to slide her hand around your elbow, until you both walked side by side. She smiled as you tapped the end of your fan against the swell of her cheek.

“What would I do without you here, sister dearest?” you asked. You tried to lean your head against hers. Your towering hair prevented you from doing so.

“You would perish under the weight of societal expectations alone instead of with me.”

“I would suffer?”

“I believe I said perish.”

You made a face at her, which she must have mirrored: puckered lips as though she had sucked on a lemon, nose wrinkled and nostrils flared and eyes narrowed into slits. The make up you both wore just made the face more hysterical.

As your heels hit flat earth, it was as though you were transported out of France and somewhere new. The music finally hit your ears, rising from an ensemble nestled against the hedges. The hedges themselves towered above you and stretched for what seemed like forever. Tables had been brought outside from the palace and placed in a beautiful pattern that unfurled through a garden of flowers. The longest table ended at the fountains in the middle of the sprawling yards, which were edged with large lounging lions.

You and your sister slowed as you took in not only the sight of the garden, but the decorations – the fabrics that were carefully draped from the tops of the hedges, the vases that were filled with explosions of flowers you had never seen before, the servants in uniforms that seemed to be lined in gold – to the vast amount of people. There had to be at least two – nay three hundred people in attendance.

Wigs towered and cast their own shadows atop the heads of regal ladies. The housed ships or cages with twittering birds or formed intricate designs you had never seen before. Dresses were large and ostentatious, creating a space around a single woman that could easily fit at least four or five more inside.

The men were more clever with their degree of outrageous choices. Their heels were more shallow, though they brought walking cane out with them into the grass. Where the ladies had silken fans and gloves, some men carried parasols above their powdered heads, carefully coordinated to match their brocade coats.

And, even in the middle of the bright afternoon, everyone appeared as though they had never seen the light of day. You glanced at your sister, at her darker brown skin, and brushed some of the powder she had applied to her hair away from her cheek. Even you, considerably lighter than her, stood out amidst the sickly pallor of those in attendance.

“Are you lost?” The voice beneath the din of conversation around you made your heart leap into your throat. Your sister choked back a scream as you both turned inward, facing the owner of the voice with wide eyes.

The powder blue of his coat complimented his pale skin and dark hair. He lifted his empty hand, stepping back once he realize he had startled you both. You felt cool metal against your arm and looked down to see your sister setting her fan gently against your entwined arms. When you looked back up, you noticed the flute of champagne in his other hand. Lace looped around his wrists, brushing his fingers.

“Do we look lost?” you asked.

“We’re here with our mother,” your sister spoke over you.

You jabbed your own fan into her side.

The man smiled, a soft laugh pushing through his lips. Just barely audible. Just barely heard. The dark stubble that outlined his jaw just so caught your eye as he looked away. “Yes, you do look lost.” He balled his free hand on his hip. When he looked back, his eyes found yours.

“Just overwhelmed,” you answered breathlessly.

Your sister tugged on your arm. She started to pull you away.

“If you feel overwhelmed again.” You untwisted from your sister and turned to face him proper, finding him closer, his hand taking yours, wrapping carefully around your fingers, your fan, and bringing it up to his lips. They were soft against your knuckles. “Find Henry.” He breath was hot against your skin. His thick hair was tied at the base of his neck with a black silk ribbon. You wanted to touch it, to run your fingers through, feel if it really was a thick as it looked.

His eyes lifted to your face.

You whispered your name. Your heart took its time to beat in your chest again. “And my sister, Isabella.” 

Though his voice was absent, you felt his lips trace your name against your fingers. Henry was slow to rise. “I should let you return to being lost.” His voice was just as distant as your own. He took his time in releasing your hand and stepping away, draining his glass as he left.

You stared after him. A piece of you felt as though it was walking away, stitched into the lining of his coat, so that he may use it later. You took in a deep breath and felt it tremble in your chest. Your sister called your name and you turned to her.

[7wanderingpaws]

9. Surprises. (Another Life)

Genre: magic / soulamte AU

Pairing: Jackson x reader

Word Count: 5.9K

Song: Ariana Grande - Thinking Bout You

Synopsis: You are more than happy in relationship with Jackson Wang, the hard-working and successful fencer representing Hong Kong. So what happens when you visit a local witch wanting to know more about your future as a couple? Because you always knew he was the right one for you. Even in another life. But would he really be the one?

*** 1. // 2. // 3. // 4. // 5. // 6. // 7-1. // 7-2. // 8. // 9. // 10. // 11.

(( Finally, the promised chapter! Im sorry it didnt go up on time. Its quite long so prepare yourselves and enjoy it. Thank you for reading <3 ))

- - - Surprises - - -

“I can’t because I need to focus on my career at the moment,” he added quickly when he saw your beautiful smile slowly fade. “I’m so busy I would never have proper time to spend with you...”

Hong Kong, 2017

If anyone would have told you that you would land the job, you would probably laugh at them. Nobody ever would have given you a good enough reason.

But you did.

And now you were satisfied.

Working for big companies as an accountant maybe wasn’t that special for everyone but for you it was just okay. You could manage and at least people treated you with higher importance. Furthermore, Sara was now gaining lots of followers because of her life style blog in Hong Kong and since she made a business out of her passion, you were also in charge of her tiny financial department. 

Also, you would sometimes (always) follow her around the city to make instragram-worthy pictures, eat fancy food (that you truly couldn’t afford), talk to people (that you would normally never stop to talk).

On the bright side though, you were almost always packed with work load. There were mountains of invoices, confirmations and documents that had to be briefed, that you literally had a headache every morning when you saw your table in the office.

It was good. Once you started to work yourself through the papers, you would forget about many things. For example, you would forget that you had to meet your parents today, you would forget that Martin was lurking around you with a threat of a proposal, you would forget about the dreadful meetings you would have to sit through later today, forget about the sneaky boss who would touch you whenever he had a chance, forget about the stupid, stupid and ever more stupid dreams you kept having that were making you cry even more than ever before, forget about throwing up. And… And… Forget about Jackson Wang. For a little second at least. Please. Dear heavens, make him disappear.

“You know it’s scientifically impossible,” chirped in Sara as she threw herself on the sofa in your tiny apartment. You still lived in the shabby flat but you were emotionally attached to it. And no money to move. Yet.

“Sara,” you sighed, scratching your head as you were sitting over another invoice. You saw too many zeroes on it. “Not now, please. I beg you.”

Sara thought about your plea for a moment before she decided to shrug her shoulders as if nothing happened. “I know, Y/N, I know but why don’t you at least answer his calls? And messages? We both know he doesn’t have much time for typing away since he is as busy as a 24/7 schedule can be, but your phone does ring a lot.”

“Well, frankly, I don’t have all the time to be on my phone. I actually have to make money with brains in order to survive.”

“Oh damn, look at you, you tough cookie,” Sara laughed out loud. “Today I planned to go to the Kowloon peak-”

“I really can’t make it today, Sara, I’m sorry,” you said, genuinely meaning it as you looked into her fair eyes. She looked so pretty you sometimes were worried you looked too bad standing next to her. She found herself a local Hong Konger (William was a cool guy, you liked him) who was working in the sports business. “I have so much and I have to rush back to the office. I think I can focus there the most.”

“But-but you already work your ass off so much. Why don’t you leave the shitty work place and the sneaky bastard boss and just come to my little firm? I can pay you enough, I promise,” said Sara pleadingly.

She had been talking about this for quite some while now. Sara did get enough money for her to afford to hire you. But the problem was that you needed some sense of work stereotype, so you wouldn’t lose your mind.

“I love my work,” you blurted out and snorted right away.

Sara laughed loudly, pointing at you with her index finger in the process. “Ah, dear, I love you so much. You are so funny.”

You shrugged your shoulders, smiling. “And I love you, Sarita.”

Sara sighed and you both fell into a peaceful silence. The clock on the kitchen wall was ticking away the time that you should be spending on calculating through confirmations but you were there, sitting and smiling.

“Martin confessed,” you said silently as you folded your arms on your chest.

Sara sat up properly, her eyes wide with surprise. “What?” she leaned her elbows on her knees. “Oh my god, do you think he is going to propose?”

“It seems like it,” you muttered, somehow not that excited about the thought. “He said many lovely things and he is a true gentleman-”

“But?”

“But,” you sighed, turning around in your chair. “I don’t think it is possible.”

“Of course it isn’t possible!” exclaimed Sara, throwing her hands in the air and stood up. “You guys are not meant to be, for Christ’s sake.” Her slender figure was walking up and down your small room. It seemed like she was thinking rather intently before her blue eyes snapped to your stiff figure. “Don’t take me wrong, Y/N, he is a great guy and before Jackson appeared I really wanted to hit you two up. But it is not possible anymore.”

Gulping, you nodded. “Yes, I totally agree. Maybe I can just be in a relationship with him like till now and in case he would insist, I would just break up with him and be single forever.”

“Jackson is such a-”

“-asshole-”

“-gorgeous man.”

You glared at your friend.

“How thoughtful of him that he wouldn’t want you to wait for him-”

“Because he doesn’t love me!” you flared up, your heart racing up on the Everest.

“He does love you and if everything he is doing is not a good enough proof, than you have to open your goddamn eyes, Y/N!”

That shut you up pretty quickly. Sara’s words were mingling in your mind, combining, mixing, adding up… Nope. He didn’t love you.

“I can see the doubt all over your face, dear,” sighed Sara as she walked to you and gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze. “He has been writing you ever since 2016 when you guys finally met. Even when he had a new phone number he would let you know. He always makes sure you are good and healthy and if he is in the city, he comes to visit.”

“What are you trying to prove right now?” you asked, dumbfounded. “Because I am suffering without him.”

“And he is suffering without you.”

“He is not,” you said quietly, gritting your teeth. “Sara.” You stood up to face her. “It is because of him in the first place that all of us had to relive our lives just so he could chase his dreams. He was not happy enough, not thankful enough before while I was the happiest in the previous life. I was a doctor, I had a loving family and him beside me since we were freaking fifteen. Yesterday, I had a flashback how he-” your voice broke at the thought.

Sara waited patiently, her eyebrows slowly rising. “How he what?”

You looked her in the eyes but you couldn’t speak.

Phuket, Thailand, 2017

“This place is gorgeous,” you breathed as you stared out of the window of the resort you were currently residing in. There were barely any tourists around this time not to mention the resort and the island itself was quite the little Thai secret.

Jackson who was unpacking from your suitcases smiled fondly at your back. “I’m glad you like it, sweetheart.”

Was the sea covered in diamonds? It was sparkling and glistening from the reflection of the blazing sun that was about to set right in front of your eyes.

“How on earth did you even find this place?” you asked, genuinely curious as you turned to help him out. You grabbed your flowery summer dresses and hang them neatly in the massive wardrobe. 

“That will have to stay a secret,” answered Jackson, smiling cheekily.

“Ah, really? Are you gonna play this game now?”

He shrugged. “I have good contacts and quite a few medals by now. I can weave my way through anything.”

You laughed out loud, not wanting to continue this conversation. “Okay, dear.”

Jackson stopped and pouted at you. “Are you already giving up on me? Why don’t you bother more?”

You looked at him, confused. “Why? Maybe it’s better to keep it a secret. It has a lovely magic to it,” you winked at his puppy face.

He didn’t answer. However when you were about to reach into his suitcase for his pants to place them into the wardrobe, he swiftly snatched them away, trying to look maximally nonchalant as he placed them safely into the wardrobe, hoping you wouldn’t become suspicious.

“I can’t wait to be in that pool,” you hummed contently as you were folding his shirts. “It looks absolutely lush.”

“You will go into that pool under my supervision only,” said Jackson and took one of your clothes. “I cannot have anything happening to you.”

You giggled. “It’s about time I learn to swim.”

Jackson stopped, taken aback by your sudden wish. “Really? Is that what you want?”

“So I won’t drown.”

“Obviously,” Jackson snickered. “I can teach you.”

“I know you can,” you said, not looking his way. “But I will go with that trainer I saw in the lobby.”

Jackson’s smile changed into a confused expression and then into a dissatisfied scowl. “That handsome trainer?”

“I didn’t say he was handsome,” you winked at him, placing the last pieces of clothing onto the shelves. You turned to his tense posture. “You said it. But I agree,” you patted his cheek.

He frowned down at you. “Really, Y/N? Are you gonna play this game?”

“Aren’t we all about games?”

He groaned loudly turning away from you making you laugh hard. 

“You know I love you, babyyy!” you wailed, still laughing.

—

It had been two days in the wonderland and as expected you didn’t even dare to enter the attractive pool that was overlooking the entire bay. You would sit on the pool’s edge, soaking your feet while Jackson was swimming and working out to not fall out of his training routine.

Sometimes he would stop by your legs, push himself up to steal a kiss with a massive grin and then go back underwater.

There were a few more tourists visiting at the resort and you still barely saw them; this way you had the pool all to yourselves only.

“Hey, Jackson,” you said as he was on the other side just turning for another lap. He stopped, looking up at you in question. “I want to go in.”

He blinked a few times before he smiled happily and swam to you to hold you tight. “And what about the swimming part?” he asked once he ghosted his cold fingers over your thighs, making you shiver. You held onto his arms as you slid your butt down into the cold water. You yelped silently, momentarily dizzy.

“Maybe another time,” you whispered, your warm body now refreshed. You felt his arms tightly around your waist until he grabbed your legs underwater and put them around his waist. You held onto his neck for dear life.

“And here I thought you would join me for my morning training,” pouted Jackson looking at your freckly face.

You smiled at him and looked behind his back at the breathtaking scenery. “I did join you for all of your trainings so far.”

“But you know what I meaaaan,” he whined, squeezing your thighs.

You laughed loudly, hugging him. “Stay still, honey, I want to rest now.”

For your big surprise, he did stop moving around, stilling, not moving an inch.

“You can breathe though,” you remarked and he inhaled sharply, exaggerating every move. “Silly,” you mumbled, entertained.

You stayed like this for some time. You both were talking about everything and anything, his upcoming competition in Budapest, your attestation and eventually your plans to visit some places around Hong Kong.

“And what about…” started Jackson as he was looking mysteriously into your eyes.

You frowned. “What about what?”

“Never mind,” he said quickly, turning his head the other way.

“What? What was it, honey?” you asked and dared to let go of his neck to touch his cheeks.

“Nothing. Really,” he said, looking at you.

You smiled gently, pushing his longer hair out of his face while he was intently watching your every move, your every part of your face. His grip on you tightened to give you reassurance that he was holding you.

You whispered, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because I can,” he whispered back and his eyes eventually fell on your lips. “Nobody else, but I can.”

You were just about to snort when he kissed you sensually, capturing your lower lip, pressing you to the pool’s wall behind you.

Now being 23, he felt like this thing he was preparing for quite a while now, was finally happening. This was the moment. He felt it, he knew it, he was sure of it. He didn’t doubt it at all.

  After wonderful dinner, you both went out hand in hand for a relaxing walk on the beach. You put your long summer dress on, made sure to have sweet amount of make-up on and you curled your hair, your smile widening with each wave.

You talked quietly with Jackson, both of you full of giggles. He managed to lift your body and turn around with you, making you scream with excitement. The waves in the background were a complimenting noise that you made sure to acknowledge every time.

You were laughing hard. “Jackson! Let go of me!”

He stopped and put you down carefully, his smile wide, toothy, goofy. You ruffled his hair, grinning up at him.

“I don’t want to let go of you, though,” he said passionately, bumping his nose into yours. Then, he slowly pulled away to look you properly into your eyes. “I love you.”

“And I love you. So much,” you whispered, standing on your tiptoes to give him a kiss with a loud smack. He smiled and pushed your hair out of you face.

“Y/N,” he paused and licked his lips. Pressing his forehead to yours, he whispered, his lips gently ghosting over your parted ones: “Will you marry me?”

Your breathing stopped half-way in your pipes as you gently pulled away to look into Jackson’s honest eyes. “Jackson?”

“I don’t doubt our relationship, our friendship, anything. For a long time now I know you are the one for me. I always had that feeling. I fell head over my fencing boots for you when I first laid eyes on you. It was like a magic trick. You didn’t even have to try to seduce me; just by breathing you were filling up my bare existence. I simply cannot not have you. I need you. But mostly, I love you unconditionally,” he said, his voice serious but his eyes full of love.

The tears on your eyes were just about to spill when you nodded your head exactly two times before hugging him tightly. “Yes, Jackson. I will marry you.”

His hands were around your back spinning around with you once again.

You both laughed out loud before he put you down and searched for the ring box. His fingers took out a very elegant diamond ring, and then he lowered his body on one knee as he took your hand, putting the ring on your finger. It was glistening as the sunset behind you was in its grand finale, just like you two when you kissed each other passionately, bringing alive everything that was ever dear to the world.

He was kissing you once, twice, thrice until you couldn’t wait to finally be alone as you were eagerly heading back into your hotel room.

The first night as engaged.

Hong Kong, 2017

The office wasn’t as busy as you thought it would be when you sat down by your desk, already taking out all the paperwork. Just as you were prepared to start work, your office phone rang.

“Ms Y/L/N, you have a visitor at the reception. A certain Mr Wang is looking for you.”

You almost dropped the phone. “What! Mr Wang who?” your heartbeat was dangerously fast now.

“A representative of Team Wang Jiaer label is here,” she said. Assuming by her voice, she was also confused.

You groaned internally, not wanting to deal with whatever this was about. Of course, you knew Jackson had a label, he would sometimes ask for your advice when you two would call (those calls were usually when he was extremely tired and already laying in bed ready to sleep but he would insist on talking with you because he was missing your voice, your warmth, your presence but eventually he would be the one to fall asleep, the only proof being his snoring that was so familiar to you and you would be an absolute idiot if you would end the call there, so you would make yourself cosy and fall asleep, imagining he is next to you). Now, you were a bit worried to face Jackson… What if you would accidentally throw your hands around his neck thinking that you’re engaged?!

“Okay, I’m coming,” you murmured quickly, ending the call.

Before heading downstairs, you sprinted to the restroom to make sure you looked at least a little bit decent. Thankfully, you looked just fine. Although that lipstick was a bit faded from drinking milk tea earlier…

“Ah, it doesn’t matter!” you whisper-yelled at your reflection and finally made your way out and down to the reception.

The company you worked for was quite wealthy, everything being from expensive wood and marble.

Through the glass you could see an older man standing there, waiting patiently, his clothes comfortable and on his back a big TEAM WANG written. You furrowed your brows when you didn’t spot Jackson.

The receptionist called after the man who turned around with a friendly smile on his face. “Miss Y/L/N,” he said before he stuck out his hand to shake.

You accepted. “May I ask what the business is about?”

“Of course, but I suppose a little friendlier surroundings would be better.”

“And where is the boss?” you asked, looking around momentarily hoping to see the warm pair of eyes.

“Jiaer boss is very busy at the moment shooting a show in Beijing,” he answered politely.

You nodded. “Alright. Well, there is a lovely cafe just down the road, why don’t we go there,” you suggested, leading the way.

It was his manager, as you found out. He could have been in his forties or fifties and he seemed very satisfied with his life. He showed you some pictures of his kids and his wife.

Once both of your lattes arrived, you looked at him expectantly and with a smile.

“Miss Y/L/N, the reason I visited you so suddenly is because I have a job offer for you.”

That was surprising. A job offer? What for! “Would you care to explain in bigger detail, please,” you smiled nervously, feeling dumb.

“But of course,” he nodded, not showing you any paper or charts, nothing that would help you avoid eye contact. “Our team is missing a strategic accountant at the moment and we heard you were one of the best ones in Hong Kong.”

“Excuse me? I’m definitely not one of the best-”

“Jiaer boss said he did a background check-”

You scoffed, entertained. “There is not much I would be of a help in your label, sir. My Chinese is not that good either. The only thing I’m good at is counting and preventing you from financial crash.”

“We were told you were a very hard-working person as well as responsible and persistent, which are the exact qualities we are looking for in our company.”

Of course those were the qualities Jackson would look for. It was basically him scribbled all over it. However, you were still shocked that he would send a person to try to hire you in his company.

“But as you said yourself, I’m doing very well just where I am,” you said, folding your arms and rested your back against the seat rest. “So why should I change my employer? What benefits would I get at your label?” Challenge.

He didn’t look that budged by it, although he would expect anyone to want to work for the famous Wang Jackson without a single spark of doubt in their eyes. You were not that foolish, however. “Well, let me tell you there is not a single employee who isn’t happy or satisfied at our workplace. Besides, we have the best boss to ever ask for. He treats his employees like his family. We are a small team, miss Y/L/N. As for the benefits, there can be lots of paid free time for you since the schedules vary so much. And as I mentioned, your qualities are a perfect match for our Jiaer boss.”

You wondered what this guy knew about you; what did Jackson tell him about you. Did he know you were “friends”? Did he know how well you both knew each other from every single angle, from head to toe?

You took a sip from your latte. “I understand. I suppose there is not much free time supposing the boss is one of the busiest people on Earth.”

The manager chuckled kindly. “Jiaer boss is certainly extremely busy. That’s not a lie. However, he would never let his employees overwork themselves. He leads a special schedule where all of us have to sign the precise time when we work so this way he can monitor us.”

“How controlling,” you snickered rolling your eyes, entertained. Thankfully, the manager didn’t misunderstand. He must have known something more about you. “I can only imagine Jackson being that way.”

The manager nodded. “He is truly one of the best. You would be the youngest employee. Why not give it a try? Also, following him around the world is eye-opening.”

You smiled, your mind wandering off at the thought of following him around the world. “How much time do you spend with your boss?”

“It depends. His schedules are basically full and if he is in China or working elsewhere on his solo projects, there has to be a managing staff around him. Sometimes it can be nonstop other times we don’t see him at all since he is in Korea working for the band’s company. ”

“I see,” you paused, poking your tongue to the inside of your cheek, thinking.

The manager smiled cutely, covering his mouth as he hastily pointed at you. “Jiaer boss does the same when he is considering something.”

~

Once back in your office, you couldn’t stop thinking about what just happened.

You received a freaking job offer from TEAM WANG. What were you supposed to do? Well, what you did was that you asked for some time to think before making any decisions and the manager did fully understand.

Before you knew it, you were dialling Sara’s number, eager for her to pick up.

“What’s up, Y/N?” She asked light-heartedly.

“Sara,” you made a dramatic pause. After that, you spilled everything. From the beginning till the end.

“What?!” she gasped. “Oh my god, that’s so cool.”

“But I am confused,” you complained.

“What is there to be confused about? He wants you with him whenever he doesn’t have to be in Korea.”

“But-but I can’t work for him.”

“Now there,” she said gently, sensing your panic. “We both know he loves you. He said it, he showed it to you. He already said he can’t ask you to wait for him. He cares about you. He is being selfless just so you could enjoy your young life. Hell, isn’t it strange? In your flashback he was going to propose to you, so basically you were engaged by the end of this year. Now he is making a move to have you closer to him.”

You hummed, trying to see her thoughts.

“He is doing exactly what is supposed to happen, Y/N,” Sara said finally, seemingly satisfied with herself. She was so excited for you she would certainly start jumping once the line went silent.

“I’m scared,” you blurted out. “What if he just pities me? What if he-”

“Stop right there. Don’t you dare finish your sentences or else you’re as good as dead. And Jackson would kill me then. And I don’t feel like dying just yet.” You heard some muffling in the background. “So what your next step should be is that you’ll accept the job.”

“I don’t want to move to China,” you pouted. “I adore my little Hong Kong.”

Sara inhaled through her nose. “To be honest, I’m sure he has a plan for you so I would call him if I were you. That’s the only way to find out what he wants.”

You closed your eyes. “Okay, I will. Once I’m out of office and at home.”

“Alright, darling. So I guess I can’t persuade you anymore to come to my little company, huh? I have no chance against Jackson.”

You giggled, opening your eyes. “We will see about that.”

It was 23:06 when you entered your apartment. There was a mess on your table from all the papers you finished checking but didn’t organise and all you wanted was to throw yourself on the bed just as you were, and sleep. Preferably for a long time, so the decision-making would wait.

You took a slow shower, easing your tensed up muscles and wanting to make a pleasant night for yourself, you threw on just a long pink t-shirt. Your undies were white with small little hearts. Your favourites.

Finally, climbing into your bed, you took your phone (that you managed to not touch the whole day) just to find many missed calls and unseen messages. The last message that you received was literally one minute before you unlocked your phone and it was pretty straight forward for you to not get it.

Sara (23:48): JACKSON IS COMING TO UR PLACE

You froze. “What?” you shrieked, your heart thundering inside of your chest. Just then you heard a soft knock on the door.

You snapped your head up, your hands suddenly trembling. Oh my god. He was here. Jackson was here.

You saw that all the messages and calls were his which made you jump out of your bed and swinging the door open to find him standing there with his hand on the door frame. His hair was parted, one side styled backwards meaning he came straight from work. He was so damn handsome, your throat closed off making you unable to breathe. He stole your breath away.

When he finally looked up, he was going to say something before he stopped abruptly, his eyes wandering down your under-dressed body. You stole his breath away, too.

You gulped. “What are you doing here?”

He snapped his eyes back at you, his cheeks warming up. “I was in the city and-”

“Weren’t you shooting in Beijing today?” you asked, confused.

He smiled gently. “I was. But tomorrow I have interviews all day here in Hong Kong so I’m staying in the city for the night.”

You gulped once again and made a step back to let him in. He thanked before coming in, curiously looking around.

“Sorry for the mess, I literally just came home.”

“I see you are also busy,” he said as he turned to face you. You locked the door as usual and folded your arms over your chest. “I assume you met my manager considering you knew where I have been today.”

You nodded, unable to tear your eyes away from his. His striped shirt was unbuttoned just till his mid-chest and his black jacket was complimenting his figure, paired up with black jeans. So elegant, so charismatic.

“I heard you needed time to think,” he continued.

“Of course I do,” you answered a little too feverishly. “You can’t expect me to just change places so suddenly.”

“I know and I understand. I’m giving you as much time as you need,” he added more quietly. “It’s always open for you.”

You bit your lip, his eyes dropping to your lips. “I don’t know how your company works, you know. It’s all different to what I knew until now.”

He nodded. “I can imagine. Sara told me all about your wonderful company of yours.”

“Sara?” you asked in confusion. “How is Sara in the picture?”

Jackson chuckled, pushing his hands into his pockets. “Without her I wouldn’t know where exactly you work since you are so secretive.”

“I’m not secretive,” you defended yourself, “I just don’t think…” you trailed off, not sure how to word your mixed up thoughts.

He came closer and gave you a squirtle look. “You don’t think what?”

You sighed. “I think you have way too much on your plate so why would it be of any importance for you. And besides, I’m also busy. Oh, wait a moment, did Sara tell you exactly where I’m staying too? Which floor? Which door? Damn, I’m surprised she didn’t tell you the number for the door.”

Jackson laughed. “I was going to use the number to get in if you wouldn’t answer the door. I was worried about you,” he said, serious out of sudden. “You wouldn’t answer your phone the whole day.”

It was so pleasant to hear him say those words to you. It was like a soothing balm on your aching heart. “I was just… really into my work that I am not so into.”

He let out a breathy laugh and walked to the sofa to sit down. “That’s why I came with another offer.”

You followed him, plopping down on the opposite side. You both faced each other. “What offer?”

His smile widened, his eyes sparkly as he took in your cute confusion. “I will be shooting in Thailand in December. It will be a music video for my new single. The location is top secret and perfectly hidden,” he whispered excitedly, leaning closer to you.

You giggled. “Where in Thailand?”

“Around Phuket. It’s an island that is not so famous and they have this wonderful resort I found there. We are already making steps to rent the entire place out for a few days in December to shoot there.”

Your smile froze momentarily recalling the flashbacks. Wasn’t it the same spot Jackson proposed to you at?

You were staring at him, lost in thought. “So what do you say?” he asked. Unaware, you scooted just a little bit closer to him.

“What do I say to what?”

“I would like you to come with me. This way you could see how the team works.”

Your lips widened. “But, Jackson. I am just an accountant. Why would you need me in Thailand with you? Or any other shooting place?”

Although he knew you caught him, he wouldn’t show you. “Well, there are lots of things an accountant has to do on the set.”

Your left eyebrow quirked up, challenging him. “Like for instance?”

Jackson was running his fingers over his chin as if deep in thought. “You have to make sure I don’t buy all the sweets on the spot.” He looked at you and laughed in one of his high-pitched laughters that made you laugh as well. “You have to make sure others don’t waste money on more sweets,” he continued, his amused face lit up just like thousands of fairy lights. Your face came closer to his as you listened intently. “You have to make sure the resort we are going to stay in is all set and done.” Closer. “Make sure I do my work properly.” A little bit more closer. “Make sure I don’t spend all my goddamn money on spoiling you.” His breath was on your lips, his focus on your lips. Your breath hitched when you felt his lips move against yours, closing your eyes as pleasure and excitement overtook you. “Make sure you are there with me so I can share the experience with you because I need you.” He kissed you passionately, inhaling through his nose and yet you still grabbed his face and pressed it more towards you, unable to get enough of him.

He took hold of your thighs, nudging you to sit on his lap which you gladly did. You moaned loudly when you felt his hands ghost over your butt and sneaking up over your back. You couldn’t help but notice how he wouldn’t touch your bare skin under your shirt even though you wanted it desperately.

Opening you mouth, you let him in and you totally submitted yourself to his control. You could see him behind your closed eyes, you could feel his warm hands while you ran your fingers through his styled hair.

Kisses were loud, smacky, playful, passionate, feverish and moany. You were sure this was the night some magic would happen. After all, you didn’t kiss since 2016 when he took you home. You both were thirsty for each other, desperate, suffering... Finally, you got to get to touch one another.

But Jackson slowed down to a sensual make-out session, not pushing it to the next level until he completely stopped, breathing heavily as he pecked your swollen lips one last time before his eyes fluttered open to look at your blissful face. You hummed at the loss of contact.

“What do you think?” he whispered, not wanting to break the bubble you created.

Your eyes opened as well, meeting his gentle gaze. “For work purposes only,” you started, touching his cheek. “I will go.”

You shared a quiet laugh when you heard another knock on the door. This one was certainly louder than Jackson’s knock.

Jackson frowned, alarmed. “Who is it at this time?” he asked and looked at his (expensive) wrist watch.

You bit your lip, still holding his face in your hands. You knew. You knew but you didn’t want to show it to Jackson.

Another loud knock.

“Is there someone bothering you here?” asked Jackson, searching for your gaze. He didn’t like the idea that someone would harass you, not even in the slightest. Worry was written all over his face as you untangled yourself from him.

“It’s just Martin,” you mumbled once your feet hit the cold floor.

“Martin? The doctor?” asked Jackson in shock.

You unlocked the door and opened it. Just as expected, Martin was there, fuming just a little bit. “Y/N!” he shouted and stormed in, not bothering to look around. “What is this? You aren’t picking up my calls for days now and you just lock yourself up here-“

“Good evening,” Jackson said, standing tall, his face authoritative, his hands in his pockets.

Martin stopped abruptly, staring at Jackson, startled. “Good evening.”

- - - continue - - -

[impivus]

very rushed very shit intro comin @ you all but here goes nothing ! i’m felix from the gmt tmz, i use he / him pronouns, and im gonna power nap any minute now because one thing you should know about me is that i’m eternally on the verge of passing out from minimum exertions during the day. this is my pain in the ass eunsu: not even going to sugar coat it - he’s the human personification of a headache dumpster fire all in one beefy package and i really don’t even blame your character if they just . ignore his presence because, me too !

under the cut there’s some information about him if you want to get to know more about him regardless. smash that mf heart if you want to plot.. and i will get to you ? sometime ? its an ambiguous promise but i keep them, discord is also an option so just ask if you’d prefer to plot on there. eun’s about is here but no plots as of yet because life is hard and We Cant all Have Everything 

aka im lazy 

* ☾ ✧ * º ━━ is that KIM JONGIN walking about ? nope ! that’s just EUN SU CHO. & i’ve been told that they work as a INFORMATION BROKER ! apparently, they are TWENTY FIVE ( 204 )  years old .  some people say they are a CISMALE, DEMON ! HE is very CULTIVATED & INTUATIVE but also DECIETFUL &  MENACING. i wonder if they are just as odd as the rest of us .  ⇢  SYNOPSIS. MBTI TYPE  /  entp, the debater ZODIAC SIGN  /  scorpio   ENNEAGRAM TYPE  /  7w8 KINSEY SCALE  /  3 MORAL ALIGNMENT /  chaotic evil / neutral HOGWARTS HOUSE / slytherin ⇢ AESTHETICS. 

goosebumps raised and feelings of growing dread, the dark corner of a room where light doesn’t reach, silver pocket - watches with dead batteries, the scratch of a record player needle, flares in the sky, bad ideas coming to life, half-assed clapping when it’s required, figures dancing within the shadows & a smile you shouldn’t trust . 

⇢ OVERVIEW

literally anybody: when are you free?  eun su: im forever imprisoned in my own personal hell so i am never truly "free" but i don't really have plans all next week except for monday

this is eun su, and will y’all believe me if i say he used to be a good egg before he turned into the rotten egg i’m presentin y’all with today ??  i kid u not.. bs free zone. he did once ..  have a hort  he was born to a cult of witches, his twin brother absorbing all the magic that was meant to be equally distributed between them in his mother’s womb, which pretty much left eunsu as the black sheep of the family. said cult had been living on a small, near enough desolated island for literal decades, entertaining themselves with magic, seeking out knowledge, observing the unassuming populace, and toying with other supernatural creatures who dared cross their paths. unfortunately for eunsu’s family, tragedy struck when one of his aunt’s tried to over throw the high priestess ( his mother ) in their coven. unyielding in her position and untouchable to the magic she was exposed to, her sister went about other ways to break the woman’s spirits, dabbling in black magic predominantly to achieve her goals. eunsu’s brother was, thus, cursed before he was even born with an incurable heart defect that would see him dead before he reached double figures. eunsu’s mother was broken not mourned over how much he missed out as on a child: but she mourned for the fact that he was the only child that harboured any magic in their veins, the only child that could’ve carried on their lineage.   queue entrance of eunsu and his Whats the Worst that Could Happen Attitude. being young and naive, thought he could’ve been able to solve it by himself, solve the issues and earn his mother’s lacking affections. eun had heard about dark vessels that could miraculously grant wishes through summonings. though he didn’t have magic in his veins he had a fire in his heart, and after all, demons cared not for who or what they fed from: so long as they appeased their hunger.  all it wanted in return was a good, pure soul, and that’s what the demon stole from him before it mended his twin brother’s heart, giving the boy a new lease of life that wasn’t intended for him from the start. pity that eunsu died before he got to the age of twenty, following a quick and hungry fever that overtook his frail body and too soon turned deadly. there was no surprise that, come judgement day, he was turned away at the gates of heaven, in exchange for becoming one of lucifer’s own.

as a result of being eternally cursed with immorality and a tainted soul, he's lived some hundred-odd years and is coping by making the current populace in jeonseoul suffer along with finding purpose in digging out the secrets of his past life, mayhaps trying to find the demon who cursed him.... which could definitely be a wc.. and strengthening his abilities as a demon.

his personality is a bit insufferable; eunsu keeps himself distant and cryptic, because he likes it that way. he's a real weirdo ( if u have ever watched hxh he’s hisoka.. THAT weird )  that's hard to forget: completely mischievous, dramatic, and malicious to boot. some days he's waxing poetic about the futility of having a sense of justice and the next he's using his demonic powers to make some innocent tourist think they're hallucinating as they attempt to walk into a steady flow of traffic. 

ultimately life's a game to him and bih.. he’s here to have fun ! he's outlived his actual family and friends��( well, aside from his brother who he barely remembers, prolly be a wc if anyone’s interested ) and he's not looking to get attached to anyone. it would be great to Die because it’s his forever Mood but he also gets furious if anyone tries to actually expel him for real - so he'll simply prod at the world and its people until he gets the reactions he wants.

fair warning: it is a pain to genuinely care about eunsu and not many people will wanna do it. he comes and goes into people's lives as he pleases, stops reaching out once he's bored and only ever grazes the surface of a relationship based on its worth or his curiosities, innocent ppl, cute ppl, etc are just gonna be eaten up by him then dropped. 

the people who will be closest to him are doubtlessly other demons ig ? but he also hates y’all too so.. don’t get too friendly like he’s not here to make friends he’s here to be Jeonseoul’s next top Demon. also since he died sumn like 200 years ago it’s possible some wizards / familiars knew of him and his coven, it’d be super interesting for someone to have known cute human eunsu in exchange for chaotic bastard demon eunsu 

⇢ MISCELLANEOUS

since he’s a young demon, his horns are small and his wings barely span about two inches above his shoulder bones, he got itty bitty bat wings lbr he’s kinda pissed abt it. there’s tattoos over his scars from clashing with other demons / hunters / angels, but his devil’s mark lining the back of his neck, performed by first demon who took his soul, has never faded away. 

he also works as an info broker, which ties in with the fact that he’s a contractual demon ! it's more of a hobby than a job, something he does for kicks and to restock his gambling money and alcohol money, but he offers a helping hand to solo clientele for private cases if need be, just remember to bring your negotiation skills because his manipulation skills are a1.

he's well-versed in witchcraft even if he can’t actually possess the abilities that actual witches can. while hardly the mentoring type, he could be convinced to equip people with his knowledge of latin, spells or dark magic they want if he's interested enough. then again he might decide to screw them over for kicks so ask him for favours with caution.

for someone who carries a ton of spite and secrets, he passes as an easygoing, casual literature major on the daily to disguise his true intentions. find him at the university pretending to be a student and failing miserably at it like edward’s thousand year old ass in twilight

he cheats at the casino with his demonic powers but does it infrequently enough to pass it as luck. play games with him at your own risk. casinos are one of his favourite places but he can really be found anywhere with ease but some other places he frequents are: beaches, libraries, museums, bars, etc !

he'll get on people's nerves, but getting him to care to the degree of hate is another story. living this long has numbed him; people don't surprise him anymore and he doesn't care to spend time thinking about others. the secret to getting him to turn deathly serious is as simple as telling him you can tell that he was once a good person - because the cheesy truth is he was. he just convinces himself that he's given up trying to remember his human life and finds it easier to live like he’s dead.. yknow which he is.

romance makes him queasy, he's a spiteful old bastard and the concept of sweet love rubs him 100% fictional. there's someone he fancied before he was cursed but i'll save you the story: that's a distant dream now.

he might quote romantic works or put some pretty words together but he's fake as Fuck. if he notices someone innocent and unsuspecting crushing on him they are in so much trouble. he'll kiss their hand then twirl them right off a cliff. corruption kink central right here laid ease

as of rn he’s trying to master how to teleport and shadow control but he really is like on level one and he’s got to get up to level 50 to achieve even a fifth of what these other demons can do 

edit: i totally forgot to include eunsu’s ‘demonic’ title after he was banished to the perils of hell. it’s ironically just saint, and he goes around using that bc it’s blasphemous and a big ole middle finger to god himself. nobody will know his real name, but if there’s an off chance that they do, that’s a massive threat to eunsu and he’ll get his Snipers on Scene

tl;dr: 

[blazc-ignitixn]

About

Name: Touya Todoroki

Alias: The Blaze Hero: Ignition

Gender: Male

Age: 17 (Student Verse), 25 (Pro Hero Verse)

Date of Birth: August 16

Birthplace: Near Shizuoka Prefecture, Japan

Current Location: Musutafu, Japan

Height: 179 cm (5'10")

Blood Type: AB

Sexuality: Homosexual (Demiromantic)

Family: Enji Todoroki (father), Rei Todoroki (mother), Fuyumi Todoroki (younger sister), Natsuo Todoroki, Shouto Todoroki (younger brothers)

Occupation: Student (formerly), Pro Hero (currently)

Affiliation: U.A. High School (formerly), Hellfire Club Hero Agency 

Personality: As a child, Touya was quite insecure and withdrawn, not helped by Endeavor's constant berating. He grew more confident with the birth of his siblings, feeling that it was his duty as the oldest to protect them. In his teen years he developed quite a snarky side and stubborn streak (the former as a way to cope with his crappy home life), as well as a bit of a rebellious side to piss off his father (and hopefully divert his attention away from his siblings). While Touya is quite patient and rarely gets mad, when he reaches a breaking point his temper flares up and his rage would make Hell look like the North Pole; he can and will hold grudge for a long period of time (his record is up to an entire month). You can tell he's truly angry when he speaks in a cold, biting tone. He's very, very protective of his family and those few people he's close to, and would go the distance to keep them safe; one sure way to set him off is threatening his loved ones.

Backstory: oldest child and son of Enji and Rei Todoroki, Touya inherited his mother's weak constitution and lacked most fire Quirk users' fireproof physique, resulting in him often feeling weak and getting burned whenever he overused his Quirk. In spite of it, Touya put up with Endeavor's rigid training and verbal (and often physicall as well) abuse in hope of keeping his younger siblings safe, often even provoking him on purpose to divert his attention away from them. 

As he started attending high school, Touya became more rebellious, feeling a sick sense of satisfaction in pissing off his father; this usually meant he'd be too preoccupied with 'disciplining' Touya to pay attention to the rest of the family, and Touya gladly put up with everything Endeavor threw at him if it meant protecting his mother and siblings. His mother's and sister's tears and pleas for him to stop hurt even more than Endeavor's blows and verbal abuse, but knowing his mother and siblings were mostly left unbothered more than made up for all the pain.

When Touya graduated, his firm refusal to join Endeavor's agency turned into a vicious argument which degenerated into an equally vicious fight, resulting in half the training room up in flames and Touya half-conscious and with severe burns all over his arms. Seeing that, after all the years of training and in spite of his more powerful Quirk, Touya was still no match for him, Endeavor coldly dismissed his oldest son as a failure and waste of time. Fed up with Endeavor's treatment at last, Touya got ready to leave the same night, promising Shouto (who'd walked in as he was packing his bags and asked if he could go with him) that he'd be back soon ("I can no longer protect you. You need to be strong on your own now. For Mother, Fuyumi and Natsuo, too." he told his little brother as he held him tight in spite of his heavily bandaged arms). As he was about to leave the Todoroki residence, Endeavor informed Touya that he'd no longer be welcome there if he walked out of the door. "I've never been welcome here anyway." Touya told his father after a moment of hesitation, giving him one last, cold look before stepping outside, never to set foot there again.

Fast forward eight years. After a few years of working as a sidekick for various Hero Agencies (including Gunhead's and Fourth Kind's), Touya, now known as the 'Blaze Hero: Ignition', is now head of a Hero Agency of his own with a few trusted sidekicks, dubbed the Hellfire Club. It's not as famous and well-know as the likes of Endeavor's or Sir Nighteye's, but it's steadily rising in popularity, with rumors going around of Touya's imminent inclusion among the Top Ten Heroes. He keeps in touch with Fuyumi and Natsuo and visits his mother at the clinic from time to time, but while he dearly (read: desperately) wants to reconnect with Shouto as well, he feel overwhelmingly guilty for abandoning him years ago and leaving him to suffer at Endeavor's hands.

Likes: his mother, his siblings, spicy food, sweets, helping others

Dislikes: his father, selfish heroes, being sick, paperwork, child abuse, domestic violence

Quirk: Hellfire 

Emitter Type

generates fire (lowest temperature at about 1500 °C or 2700 °F), which gives flames their typical bright blue color; can raise the temperature up to 3000 °C

can manipulate flames' shape and size (can create fireballs, flamethrower-like blasts and walls of fire)

able to focus a small amount of fire on fingertips, for more mundane tasks (ex. lighting a cigarette) or for a blowtorch effect

Fighting Style: Long-range combat, close-range combat

Headcanons:

He lacks his canon self's iconic scarring, but he still has scars due to his Quirk constantly backfiring, on his hands and arms, and a few minor burn scars scattered all over his upper body.

In spite of his fire Quirk, his body temperature is actually lower than average (about 34 °C or 93.2 °F); having inherited his mother's constitution, he's more resistant to lower temperatures like an ice Quirk user, and while less supsceptible to heatstrokes, he gets burned more easily.

While no longer as weak and sickly as he was as a child, Touya is still prone to passing out, suffering heat strokes and burning himself if he overuses his Quirk.

He learned martial arts during internships and as a sidekick to compensate for his inability to use his Quirk for too long or in crowded places.

His Hero costume is made of fireproof material, the inside of which is lined with pockets of liquid nitrogen (not flammable and helps keep his body temperature in check).

While it's not common knowledge, he sees a therapist to better deal with the aftermath of Endeavour's abuse.

He suffers from panic attacks (symptoms include hyperventilation, increased heart rate, shaking, trembling hands, fluctuating body temperature, vertigo) when memories of Endeavor's abuse (or unpleasant childhood memories in general) are triggered, though he learned to somewhat control it as an adult

Due to his Quirk literally burning calories, Touya eats a lot. It's not uncommon to see him snacking on sweets during idle moments.

Touya tends to be really protective of kids and teenagers, even more so if they were victims of abuse.

Face Claim(s):

Theodor Eberbach (Muv-Luv) - Pro Hero / Main Verse

Lindo Tachibana (Dance With Devils) - Hero Student / Past Verse

Mikoto Mikoshiba (Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun) - Hero Sidekick / Middle Verse

Kanba Takakura (Penguindrum) - Young Verse / Before U.A.

Oda Sakunasuke (Bungo Stray Dogs) - Quirkless AU

Note: As long as the main story isn't changed, I'm open to tweak and change a few details to fit with other Todoroki muses, just IM me and we can talk about it.