#because my place doesn't feel safe anymore and my mood's been pretty gloomy

[there-will-be-a-way]

My ergo therapist and a nurse drove me to my apartment today to be there for emotional support while I cleaned up the mess ex roommate left behind. The nurse said it was an act of aggression that ex roommate left his belongings at my place - same goes for pissing in my bed and all that.

Yesterday I received a text message from him, stating that the police is informed and that I should speak out. I ignored the message. Didn't do anything illegal meaning there's no reason to be afraid of the cops.

I feel battered nevertheless. Kind of defeated. Hopeless, sad, angery. Not just because of ex roommate but in general. Don't know how to climb out of this hole, this time. I always had a plan. Or an idea on what to do and where to go, but rn I just feel lost. Yeah, I'll go to the living group again but what then? My addiction will still be there. All the other stuff too. I'm putting my hopes in the rehab clinic I'll go to in a couple of weeks.

I just hope I won't be discharged tomorrow. Yesterday I got told they want to keep me here for a while longer so that I can learn to reach out for help and stand up for myself more. But part of me believes they'll just drop me tomorrow nevertheless. Kind of like it's often been.

Yeah, I might be triggered. Feeling raw, as if I have no skin. A nurse took my pocket ashtray because there's a weed leaf on it (yeah I'm cringe, I know) and it felt like the end of the world. These "everybody hates me, no one understands me, the whole world is against me" kinda feelings. Oh man.

[wickedbarnes]

Guns and Roses (Pt. 1) | John Wick x Reader

Part 2

PROMPT: With Helen's passing, the infamous assassin, John Wick is finding ways to recover and find meaning to his life once again. It wasn't until he comes across the new flower shop downtown that he realized he will do whatever it takes to grip onto the tiny leverage of salvation that's wearing sundresses with flowers in her hair.

THEME: Non-Con. DubCon. Obsession. Dark!John x Innocent/Naive!Reader. Abduction. Lots of smut. Don't read if any of these make you uncomfortable.

NOTE: This is the newly reconstructed plot for Beauty and The Beast that I had put on hold for many weeks. I hope this makes up for the inconvenience I've made for putting that story on hiatus. In this fic, Helen Wick was killed rather than dying of an illness that's why John is taking it way harder than in the movies.

John remembers it like yesterday. It haunts him in his dreams every night, making it harder to fall asleep everytime. The bags under his eyes were the constant reminder of his sleepless nights. He doesn't even remember the last time he even slept properly. He only slept peacefully when he was with Helen. But now that she was gone, sleep felt more like a chore that he couldn't really finish.

A sigh had left his lips as he put the empty mug in the sink, deciding to just wash it later on when he gets home. Home. Is this even home anymore? John looks around the house that he had built specifically for Helen and him and noticed how gloomy it was despite how classy and refreshing it looked. It was empty and quiet and... and it lacked the energetic aura that it once had.

John closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He needed to stop moping around and finish his tasks for today. After Helen's death, John had found himself going right back into the world he had worked hard to get out of. What was the point anyway? It was all he had left. Might as well die working surrounded by his enemies rather than die alone.

But then again, he'd die lonely either way.

John solemnly got ready. It was Helen's death anniversary, he had to look his best. He got dressed in a fine tailored suit. A brown one, for a change. The same suit that Helen loved so much. John also made sure to pack an extra black suit on his way to the Continental. He didn't want to waste the day away by feeling down all the time. He knew Helen would be disappointed in him.

When his hair was gelled to perfection, John had packed his weapons and hoisted a pistol or two and some knives in their holders. After that, he was good to go.

John brushed his fingers against Helen's picture that was hanging on the wall before he got out of his house and locked the door behind him, walking over to his beloved Mustang that also had memories of Helen in it.

Flowers. He needed to get some flowers for her. He hoped there was a near flower shop so he wouldn't have to drive so far. The nearest one was an hour away from him and the cemetery where Helen rests. He wasn't in the mood for such a long drive.

But it seemed fate had taken pity on him. Because not long after, he had spotted a small flower shop that seemed as if it was fairly new. A fair amount of customers were inside and John decided to park his car on the side of the road before he turned the engine off and walked inside, the bell ringing as he opened the door.

The people inside looked up at him curiously, some seemed to know him and gave him a nod. Some of them were too scared to even acknowledge him.

John wondered where the staff were and his question was answered when a woman walked in carrying a bouquet of carnations with a soft smile plastered on her face before she handed it to an elderly woman.

"Thank you so much, my dear. You never fail to make the best bouquets." The woman's compliments emits a laughter from the girl that sounded so melodious in John's ear.

It reminded him of how Helen once laughed. But hers sounded more carefree and gentle.

"Anything for you, Mrs. Jameson. Do have a good day." The girl smiled and with that, the woman left and it was just her, John, and one of the assassins he had recognized from the Continental.

"And what can I get for the two gentlemen?" The girl asked and John heard the man beside him speak but he found himself tuning him out as he took the moment to stare at the girl who was wearing a yellow sundress. The assassin would watch her write down on her little notepad, taking notes of what the man beside him was asking her to do and what kind of flowers he wanted.

John watched her move around, noticing the little daisies that were tied around her hair. She pretty much looks like a fairy and the fact that she was much smaller and daintier than him didn't help either.

No, he shouldn't be oggling her like this, he's married!

A widowed man, you mean.

He had to bite back the groan at the thought. But instead, he gathered his composure and smiled down at the woman when she came back carrying the bouquet her other customer had requested.

"Here we are. Fresh tulips for you, sir." She happily handed the bouquet to the man who paid her generously and put some tip in her tip jar.

"Thank you, miss, they're beautiful and uh..." The man glanced at John and smirked slightly at him, "And do have a safe day. It gets dangerous these days."

The girl seemed to miss how the man looked at John with mischievousness in his eyes and John was kind of thankful for that because he didn't find it amusing at all.

"I'll keep that in mind, sir, have a nice day." The girl smiled and averted her gaze to the notepad she had as the man patted John's back before whispering quietly near his ear.

"Shouldn't stare too much, Mr. Wick." John looked at the man on his way out, ignoring the way how he taunted him by giving a two fingered salute.

"And for you, sir, what would you like to have today?" The girl's voice brought him out of his thoughts and looked down at her as she looked up at him patiently waiting for his answer.

"Oh, uh... daisies, please." He answered, ignoring how shocked he was with his answer. Daisies weren't Helen's favorite flower. But the girl seemed to beam at his reply and John smiled softly at that. Smile. It's been a while since he smiled.

"Nice choice, I like daisies." She said and wrote it down on her notepad, "Do you want the daisies to be mixed with something else?"

John thought for a moment and saw the tiny rose tattoo that she had on her wrist.

"Roses. Red, please."

The little fairy in front of him smiled and wrote it down on paper before she looked up at him, "These are good combinations, no one has made these one up yet, I haven't made them up yet to be honest."

"Well I guess I have a new profound talent now." John replied as a giggle escaped from the girl's lips.

"That, you do! The person you're gonna give this to is gonna be happy with them, I'm sure."

"I wish they were here to appreciate them."

"Oh, are they somewhere far away?"

He sighed, "Yeah, something like that. She uh, passed away."

Murdered, he wanted to say.

The girl's eyes widened and John could tell she immediately regret asking any questions but he didn't feel the need to take any offence.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I shouldn't have asked." She said apologetically but John found himself shaking his head and smiling softly, feeling patient with the lady in front of him.

"No, it's alright. It's been three years, I've moved on."

Have you? He questioned himself.

"Still. I shouldn't have been so nosey." She bit down on her bottom lip and gestured over to the chair behind John, "Please, sit! This'll take a while I hope you're not in any hurry."

"No, please, take your time." John would say as he took the opportunity to sit down.

John didn't want to oggle at the girl while she worked but he found it hard not to. She moved with such grace and poise it was as if he was watching a gracious ballerina dancing in front of a thousand audience. The sundress she wore flowed freely with her moves and the slight breeze that came in from the windows blew her hair softly until a tiny daisy fell from her soft mane and landed onto John's knee.

The assassin carefully took it and while the girl wasn't looking, he quietly placed it in the pocket of his coat, making sure he wouldn't lose it. And it surprised him why he was keeping it safe with him in the first place.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he heard her softly calling out to him. And John immediately stood up and walked over to the counter where she happily handed the bouquet in his hands and John took in how elegant yet adorable the arrangement looked.

"I made sure to pick out the prettiest red roses I had. I believe all of them had recently bloomed." The girl smiled and placed something on the counter and John looked down to see a tiny cactus situated on a small pot, "To make up for being so nosey earlier."

Innocence. John felt an overwhelming wave of innocence from her that it almost shook him to the core. Not even Helen was this soft.

Oh, God. Why was he comparing Helen to her?

"Oh, no, I can't take that. It's alright, I didn't take any offence." John would say and gently pushed back the cactus to her but she almost looked as if she was about to pout at him but instead, pursed her lips together.

"No, please, I insist. I feel guilty for even asking you such a personal question. Just look at it as my gift to you, you wouldn't decline on a gift now, would you?" John stared down at her for a moment and watched her take his calloused hand in her softer one and made him hold the small pot.

"It's rude to refuse gifts from people, sir." She smiled and pulled back and John suddenly remembered how Helen had told her the exact same thing back then.

"Oh, come on, John!" Helen whined and pushed the velvet box back to him, "It's your birthday, you deserve this!"

"But, honey, this must've cost a lot, you shouldn't be wasting money on me." John reasoned out and pushed the box gently back to her.

"Wasting? I'm not wasting anything, Jonathan, you're being ridiculous!" Helen sighed and grabbed his hand and made him hold the box, "John, please?"

"But, I-"

"No buts."

John sighed deeply and finally gave in when he saw the twinkle of hope in his wife's eyes when she finally realizes he's taking the gift she gave.

"It's rude to refuse a gift, John. Especially a gift from your wife." John playfully rolled his eyes and grinned at her.

"Alright, alright." He chuckled, "Thank you, sweetheart. The watch looks incredible, I love it."

"Oh, I know it is. But you're welcome, baby. You know I'd give you anything and everything."

"Thank you." John replied after he zoned out for what seemed like eternity. He hoped she didn't notice him doing so, "It's adorable, I love it."

"It is, yes. I wish I could tell you some tips on how to care for one but I wouldn't wanna keep you from your errands. Besides, a simple search on the internet would help you out anyways."

John looked down at his watch and noticed he had been here for about fourty-five minutes now.

"Yeah, I'm sure I'll be fine by here." He fished out his wallet and handed some cash to the fairy girl and dropped a fair amount of tip inside the tip jar.

"Thank you, sir. And have a nice day ahead!" She smiled and John could've sworn the twinke in her eyes made her smile even more breathtaking than it already was.

"I sure will. You too, doll." And with that, he walked out of the store and silently hoped she didn't latch onto how he had called her doll.

Hopping inside his car, John carefully placed the bouquet and his new cacti on the passenger seat and began to slowly drive to the local cemetery.

"God, why the fuck would you call her doll?" He asked himself, gripping the steering wheel a bit tighter, "And you didn't even ask for her name!"

John felt frustrated. But why? Why was he? Is it because he called her doll and possibly sounded like a creep? Or is it because he forgot to ask her name?

Why would he ask for her name anyway?

John shook his head and focused on the road ahead. No, this is Helen's day. He shouldn't he dwelling on a certain woman who reminds him so much of a dainty little fairy.

When he pulled up at the cemetery, John carefully parked his car and grabbed the bouquet before he got out and walked over to where Helen's grave was.

Upon seeing her name, John felt more at ease but the sadness in his heart never seemed to go away even until now.

"Hey, sweetheart." He greeted her and lightly brushed his fingers against the tombstone.

"I got you flowers." He crouched down and gently placed the flowers on the ground before he reached up and lightly traced her name that was engraved on the stone.

Helen Wick.

A sense of guilt coursed through his veins. This was the first time he brought a different set of flowers for her. These were red roses and daisies and he only got it because of the girl from the store. Because he reminded him of her not because it was Helen's favorite.

Helen's favorite were gardenias. Why the fuck would he even get these flowers in the first place?

John's frustration was slowly growing and he was almost close to throwing and ruining the whole bouquet itself but something stopped him from doing so.

"It never gets easy, Hel. It's so hard without you." He spoke softly.

And somehow, he began to hope. That maybe it doesn't have to be so difficult.

That maybe there was something more than just Helen.

And John couldn't help but think back to the girl from the flower shop that wore a yellow sundress with daisies in her hair and a rose tattoo on her wrist.

It wouldn't be too bad if he paid her a visit next time...

Right?

TAGS: @a-really-bi-girl @fanficsrusz @fairylightsandchai @pinkzsugar @edgiestwinter @paanchu786