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#because they were unavle to make it and they thought that i was competition?????
tinyorangepotato · 2 years
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m late night thinking
#tiny talking#so i was doing just the sketching and lineart of an etho drawing because god dman its alreayd 3 am#and so i was thinking and like what vibes do i have#and are they different irl and online#like 2 of my friend partners have been threatened by me. and like im aro ace and even if i wasnt i dont like them like that#like me. my friend. and their girlfriend were doing a project and didnt want just me and mt friend working on it alone#because they were unavle to make it and they thought that i was competition?????#(btw all this was while i was in school) but ill have people come up to me and have crushes on me#even though i dont talk to anyone and i think thay i have a stay awya vibe#but i have no clue. and 4 out of porbably 5 or 6 of people i would consider good friends have admitted to have all addmited to liking me#and ita buck wild to me because like ???? why.#and not even in a self depricating way just like why? theres so many other people that act like me but better#and with the random kids (poeple my age. i call everyone kids) coming up and asking me out or saying they like me#like????have you not seen me with butch face sitting alone on my phone#thats what dragged you in and gave you a crush?#anywyas ive been wanting ti be more social but its very difficult since im not good at it#like i have 3 irl friends that i talk to and thats it. ill have conversations with other people here and there#but not regualrlly. like itll be months between each messaging. and my friend (one with the 2 ex so's that was thretaened by me)#has irl social anxiety and yet is so much better at talking to peopel than me. like theyre in multiple active discord groups#and they actively participate in them too and talks to people consistently and im blown away#like why cant i do that? am i just not into roleplay which is what seems to be a lot of the discord groups?#i have no fucking clue. ive been in 3 small ish groups that have been active and ill talk here and there but not enough to make friends#even though max amount of poepel is like 11 so its not too over whelming. i think i just dont want to work for the relationship#or soemthing idk. im making this up as i go along. but like i would love to have more people to consistantly tlak to and send memes to and#all that. anywyas. if tou read all the wya to here rmebered i am almost always down to dm and make friends#i just suck at getting it going and keeping it going so yeah :/#and idk what it is in my brain but ill go to plan out conversations motnhs ahead or to have a rough outline of what to say#and it freaks me out because what do peoeple tlak about. i know ive been in vcs for hours and when im done i have no idea what was said#so how can i plan topics when i dont know how c9nversations go normally. like dont they usually build off soemthing happening#thats why its easier to tlak to someone playing the same game as tou because when you run out of things to say
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