#being disabled sometimes means needing to eat things others don't approve of

[brightlotusmoon]

https://www.facebook.com/100044170160685/posts/pfbid02zs6Rr1y7fL3rodT1iFx8ESxzKU2GJS1gsqjhKNq39UyG53RtKWiXTkQtBUr3uZgRl/

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Diary Of A Mom:

Friends, please take a minute to read this. It’s important for this community and it’s really important to me.

Ableisim is a sneaky little sucker. Like every other kind of bigotry, it’s insidious. It’s woven into the fabric of just about everything we touch. We’re so used to seeing it - and contributing to it - that it is simply part of the background. If we’re not actively looking for it, we’ll likely pass it right by without a second glance.

It sucks when someone points out that we are being inadvertently ableist. It’s an awful feeling to hear that we are perpetuating any of the harm to which we would never consciously subscribe, so our first instinct when it’s pointed out is often defense and justification.

The other day, when I posted what I thought was a silly, fun photo of a package of bananas, it turned out to be far, far more. It turned out to be an opportunity to learn.

You may remember that the bananas were from South Korea, and that they were ingeniously packaged together, from very unripe green all the way to ready-to-eat yellow. They were encased in plastic and designed to allow the consumer to have one every day without the others rotting.

There was a chorus of comments on that post calling out the use of plastic where it was “totally unnecessary” and “ludicrously wasteful.” There were more deriding the “laziness” of anyone who would buy such a “ridiculous” product. A ton more pointing out how “simple” and “easy” it is to simply pull bunches apart ourselves, picking whichever ones we might want.

A number of commenters tried to explain why it’s far less wasteful than it might appear, why it may actually be necessary for those who can’t shop often - or do their own shopping at all - and / or who don’t have the dexterity to pull apart six different bunches of bananas to create the perfect grouping. Some explained why “just asking for help” isn’t the simple solution it may sound like it is, particularly for those for who are nonspeaking and / or communication is a challenge.

One even took the time to research it for us and shared some great information. (Thank you, Andria!) Paraphrasing what she wrote …

The bananas are treated with a preservative before they are sealed into plastic. The packaging then keeps them shelf stable for WEEKS so that people who cannot go to the market frequently or who do not have space to store large amounts of food can have access to fresh produce for a longer period of time.

She explained that they are often stocked in vending machines in assisted living facilities, for example.

“Ultimately,” she said, “they're largely only offered to people who need them like this for ACCESSIBILITY reasons!!!”

It also happens, she added, that South Korea is one of the world's best ranked nations in terms of recycling and trash management, so we can unclutch our pearls on that front, too.

Truthfully, when I posted the photo, I hadn’t thought of it from the perspective of accessibility. Rather, I’d thought of it as a great idea and a fabulous convenience. But one person’s convenience is another’s necessity. What may look to one like “laziness” may just be the other’s only access ramp.

I’m using that post as an example, but it’s just one in a series of rabbit holes we’ve wound our way down here in the last few days alone.

I humbly submit that if we’re ever going to change these patterns, to excavate and ultimately eliminate the ableism inherent in our thinking, we need to change our reactions.

We need to take a beat before we instinctually deride something as lazy or wasteful or rude or disrespectful. To examine our thought process and test it. And when we are called in by others, we desperately need to stop rationalizing and justifying and start listening. Stop explaining *ourselves* and start hearing *each other.*

Most of all, we need to stop professing that we’d never be purposefully ableist and start proving it, precisely by owning the moments in which we inadvertently are, and working to do better going forward. (Me wholeheartedly included.)

Thanks for reading, and thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being here.

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[mental-health-advice]

1 of 2 Olivia: I'm disabled and my dad says he doesn't want to take care of me anymore and constantly says 'I don't want to pay for your treatment anymore' and 'why would you want to live like this?'. This makes me feel so bad. I don't want to go to my mum's place either, but I have to, because she's one of my caretakers. We don't get along and never have. She looks down on me for being ill and tells me I'm ugly and undesirable.

2 of 2 Olivia Every time I talk to my parents about how much it hurts me, they tell me to leave and go live on my own. Which is so mean cause they know I can't due my disability. Because of that I can't cook or clean or take care of myself cause I have really bad fatigue and can't walk. I don't have any friends or other family members who I could stay with. Whatt do I do??? I feel so alone in this and honestly I think about suicide, I'm desperate please help me. PS you guys are awesome

Hi Olivia,

I’m so sorry that your family is treating you like this. It’s awful that they think it’s okay to say and do these things to you. I do have some suggestions for you based off of my experiences with being disabled, but they are based off of services that are offered in the US. If you’re not living in the US, please let me know and I’d be happy to see if there’s anything similar in your country.

So, if you’re disabled and you’re not able to do your activities of daily living (such as dressing, cleaning, cooking, eating, etc.) on your own, it is possible to get people who come into your home and help you with all of those things. Pretty much every state has their own qualifications, but you usually have to be on Medicaid and have proof of your disability, which I think would be easy for you to prove. Once you’re approved, they would help you find an agency or hire people privately who can help you with all of the things that you can’t do on your own and the program would pay for those services. There are usually waitlists for these programs that vary in length depending on where you live, but it wouldn’t hurt to get on the list if this is something that you’re interested in.

Now, if you would be able to move away from your parents if you were to get those home health services, you can try looking into getting an apartment or something of the sort. Assuming you’re not able to work and have limited or no income, I would recommend applying for Social Security Disability Income (SSDI). SSDI is for people who are young and unable to work due to a disability and you would get a monthly check to live off of. The current standard payment for someone who is married and has no kids is $735 a month, so it’s not a ton but it helps. Some states or cities have these sort of communities for disabled people where they have accessible apartments that are usually more affordable than regular apartments. If that isn’t an option, a lot of places have apartments where the rent is income-based, so that’s something to look into too. 

Just so you know, you often have to apply for SSDI several times before getting approved (and you sometimes have to be on Medicaid first), but that doesn’t mean you should give up on applying. I am very clearly disabled and I had to apply four times before getting approved, so keep applying if you get denied. Before applying, though, look into the rules for your state because there are some starts where you automatically qualify for SSDI if you’ve been approved for Medicaid. It will save you a lot of time if you live in a state with that rule, so definitely look into that first.

Please know that you don’t deserve the terrible things your parents are saying and doing. Being disabled doesn’t make you any less of a person that deserves respect and love. They aren’t worth hurting yourself over and I truly hope that you’re able to get away from them. You deserve so much better than this and it may actually be possible for you to live independently of them, so don’t give up on yourself. If you do feel like hurting yourself, reach out for help - call a helpline, reach out to a web counselor, contact your local emergency services, find a safe way to a hospital, or whatever you need to do in order to keep yourself safe. There’s so much left for you to do and the world would be a lot less bright without you here.

-Samantha

[texasthegreatdestroyer]

One Heart, Two Souls.

Chapter 1, Part 2.

“You knew my husband, didn't you?”

“Yes, we were good friends.”

“So you too know my sadness, how much I miss him so?

“...Yes.”

The silence was brief between us. I was so sick of it, who would've thought it would have been a good thing if it continued on? Her hands started shaking. I thought she might be crying, but she looked to me, there were no tears upon her. I was wrong, it was the exact opposite. She giggled before she spoke. No wife currently grieving over a dead spouse giggles.

“You've seen me naked, haven't you?”

She moved closer to me and put her hand on me in a romantic gesture.

“What was your name, sir?”

“A-Auron.”

I was extremely flustered by her advances on me.

“Tell me Auron, did you like what you saw?”

“Where are you going with this?”

“I'm grieving, you're grieving, it wouldn't be wrong if we sought comfort from each

other.”

She leaned in to kiss me, but I pulled away.

“I'm sorry, but I can't! You're Jecht's wife dammit! I can't do that to him!”

It was clear she was desperate to fill the void in her heart where her husband's love should be. She moved herself into my lap.

“Please? You're my only salvation. Only you can save me from myself. Misery enjoys company, you know? Besides, I'll make it worth your while. I'll suck your-”

That was it, I didn't even hesitate to get up. Unfortunately, I said something I shouldn't have out of discomfort

How many men have you said that to!-”

I wanted to end the sentence with, “Whore”, but I didn't get a chance to, as I fell backwards. I had slipped on something and hit my head against the wall. My head was bleeding.

Lucky for me though, seeing that, she discarded the comment. She tried to help me, but she was too weak.

I eventually got up on my own. She looked at me real solemnly.

“I'm really sorry.”

Her voice was small and shaky. I played it nice, looked up at her and gave her a hint of a smile. I was preparing to leave as I was probably unwanted at this point.

“I should be going, but I’ll be back in the morning to discuss Jecht's will with you… you should probably get some rest.”

“Yes, thank you for your help today.”

I nodded my head at her.

“You have a good night ma’am.”

“You too.”

I was getting prepared to leave, when I saw Tidus sitting by the door, reading his book.

I bent down and put out my hand to shake it.

“I'm Auron by the way, nice to meet you Tidus.”

The boy looked up at me with discontent, then went back to reading his book.

“Good night.” I had said before walking out the door. He said nothing back. With a quick sigh, I walked out being confident that my place there was finalized. Unwelcome I was. Not like I really was wanted from the start.

I walked all through Zanarkand a good part of the night. I didn't really have anywhere to go. Besides, I had a lot on my mind. I was disgusted with myself. I led Jecht's wife on. It wasn't intentional, but it did happen. Why erupts she do that to him? How could she. It was pretty close to morning when I found a spot in an alleyway to crash out in.

I wanted to sleep, but something about sleeping pin the streets in a busy city was not appealing to me, so I wasn't able to sleep. Lucky for me though, Morning came quickly, and I needed to leave early anyways. I was on the other side of town.

It didn't really help my cause any thinking about the events that played out last night. All I could really do was put it the back of my mind and be there to be professional. Talk business. Nothing more.

I knocked on the door. Tidus answered the door. When I came in, I sat down on the nearest couch.

“Where's your mother?”

“She's asleep. She left very late last night and didn't get back until early in the

morning.”

“When did she leave last night?”

“She left at three a.m. and didn't get back until five. She woke me up to lock the door.”

What was she thinking?

“So, what are you and my mom going to talk about?

“Your father's will.”

“What is a will? The old lady next to us tells mom often of how the other people next door are trying to get on my mom's good side, so they can claim me, get the will, and keep it for themselves.”

Tsk. Vultures.

“I don't like them though, they're mean to me.”

“Don't worry, if things play out right, they won't be a problem, just wait and see.”

“But, what is a will?”

“A will is usually a lump sum of cash you receive when someone dies, that is if you are put on the will. The money is what is left behind in savings that belonged to the deceased. A will could be anything, money, belongings, or sometimes a demand. A demand happens to be your father's case.”

A sad look appeared on his face.

“Why does everyone think mom is going to die?”

“She seems… very sick.”

“Yeah, but she's fine! She's has to be! Sick people eventually get better! She has to as well, right?”

“Yes, but that's not always the case, some people don't get better at all.”

“She's not some people! Mommy will get better, I know she will!”

The boy's face gleamed with an innocent smile at the idea of his confidence. He's just a little angel. At that moment, I didn't just want to guard his life, I wanted to guard his heart.

The conversation was through, when a woman's voice cut into it.

“Tidus!”

I looked to find his mother standing in the entrance of the hallway.

She scowled at him, he reacted by cowering. The poor boy looked like a dough that had just been beaten. My heart melted instantly for him. What did the poor kid do this time? I wondered. She spoke again and in a scolding manner.

“Why didn't you wake me up when he got here?”

“You were sleepy last night mommy, so I didn't want to wake you up.”

“What did I tell you?”

“I'm sorry.”

“We have important things to discuss! I told you to waffle me up when he got here!”

She looked over to me worth a more welcoming stare than her poor son. I looked over to him. He had picked up a book and started reading. With a gesture from his mother, I followed her back to her room.

She had a bunch of papers cluttered on one desk. Out was an old thing and looked Just as fragile as her. The legs looked like they were about to snap under the weight of the desktop if you poked it too hard. A fragile desk for a fragile woman.

“Sorry. I know my room is a mess. You had me really thinking last night, so I made a trip to mine and Tidus’s social worker downtown at three. I didn't make it back till five in three morning. Let me tell you, people don't joke weekend they say,

“Zanarkand never sleeps.” I was surprised to find the office still open and or social worker filling out papers.”

“I heard. You left your son alone?”

“I told him to lock the door, it wasn't the first time I left him alone. Don't worry.”

“I am going to worry because it's dangerous to leave your seven-year old child at home, by himself, at three o'clock in the morning, for two hours! Should I go into the many scenarios of which things could have gone terribly wrong!?

I couldn't help myself. I heads to yell. She was vetoing entirely reckless with her child, not realizing how delicate bee actually was.

“I'm glad you care so deeply for my son as you do.”

“Can we talk about this later? We need to discuss your husband's will.”

“I need you to take custody of my son when my time here is up.”

“Wha-”

“I know this is sudden, I believe you knew my husband well, and you Monday be the only person I can trust. You get my will and this house. Everything you need to take care of him is provided. The only other person I can trust with this task is an old and disabled woman and can't take care of him, and the other people next door only want the money. They will put Tidus in foster care the first chance they get. I know you think I'm a horrible mother, but you have to believe me when I say I really do love my son. I don't want him in the hands of people who don't care about him. You will though, I can tell. You're already attached. So will you take him?”

“... I will take him, that is Jecht's will and I'll fulfill it.”

“Thank you… We should get started, these papers aren't going to fill themselves out.”

We went straight to it. Thirty minutes in, and she began to doze off.

I tried to get her to lay down for a bit, but she refused.

“Really, if you're tired, you should try to sleep.”

“No. These papers need to be finished.”

“We're halfway through, there's no harm in taking a break.”

“But if I lay down, there's no guarantee I'll wake back up either.”

She had a point, in order to become Tidus’s guardian, I had no choice but to fill these papers out.

Some odd minutes past by, and we had finished filling out everything. I was finally able to get Tidus’s mother back to bed. I felt no reason to stay, so I grabbed my sword and started heading towards the door. When I was walking by the kitchen, something caught my eye.

Tidus was trying to reach a box of crackers sitting on the counter, he wasn't quite tall enough to reach them, but he kept trying. It had occurred to me that he hasn't eaten all this time. I searched the cupboards for a plate until I eventually found one. I took the crackers and put them on a plate for him, then rummaged through the freezer box to get the stuff to make him a sandwich.

I made him two sandwiches, one for now, and another for later in case his mom didn't wake up for the rest of the day, or to sick to make him anything. We sat together while he ate.

“Not too shabby” I'd ask.

“Nope!”

His answer was muffled, but his head movements showed approval. After he finished eating, I resumed my departure. I was heading to the door when he ran up behind me and put his arms around me.

“Thank You for the sandwich Auron! Bye!”

I was flustered, I wasn't used to embrace, so out seemed normal of me to react. When my face cleared up, I turned to him and smiled.

“You're welcome, kiddo. See you around.”

I walked out this door, but something was trying to pull me back. It was as if the whole house was going to blow up and be disintegrated with everyone in it if I didn't turn back around.

I left that night, but I felt I had made a big mistake, and at a critical moment too. When I learned of this mistake, I had never been so scared in my life.

[brightlotusmoon]

I said a thing on Facebook and started losing followers. Good.

"Words can in fact be harmful.

If you still believe I don't feel some kind of emotional stab wound every time I'm insulted over being disabled, get out of my life."

INHALE

[brightlotusmoon]

i also hate that people think banning styrofoam cups is going to do shit about pollution. on the topic of how dumb it is that people think banning straws is gonna prevent pollution more than banning oil drilling, oil pipelines, excessive power plants, etc. people would rather screw over tons of disabled and neurodivergent people that are reliant on straws and styrofoam cups than acknowledge this and it makes me a little mad lol.

Oh thank you, may I hug you?!

[brightlotusmoon]

When Disability Is Defined by Behavior, Outcome Measures Should Not Promote “Passing” | Journal of Ethics | American Medical Association

Yes, I am friends of friends with the author.

[brightlotusmoon]

Blech, hunger is really really annoying. Chewing can be hard with cerebral palsy alone, let alone autistic dyspraxia and ADHD physical weirdness. Dysphagia forces me to sip liquid with every other bite. I wish people would stop whining about me preferring Boost and Orgain ready made meal shakes.

Look, food is fun and beautiful and necessary, and I desperately want to be able to enjoy it without ruining my own experience. All of this to say that I'm really hungry and I don't know what I want but I know I don't want to crunch over and over, because if I stop concentrating, I will bite my lip, tongue, or cheek, hard enough to draw blood, because when everything is stiff and tense and spastic, my entire body becomes its own weapon of destruction.

Oh, perhaps mac n cheese with holy basil. That's really easy. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich on brioche. Yeah, okay. Thanks Tumblr for being my rubber duck.

[brightlotusmoon]

The Remote Work Revolution Creates Lasting Equity for People With Disabilities - United Spinal Association

Overnight, remote work tools that may have once been a convenience for some employees became everyday necessities, replacing the entire office environment. A work-from-home approach that was once the cause of apprehension and skepticism became the norm, and in the process, businesses were confronted with the reality that remote work does not impact productivity as much as was once assumed. Moreover, for many people with disabilities, the normalization of work-from-home could be a critical step towards lasting equity on the job.

[brightlotusmoon]

Our Seaspiracy response | Marine Stewardship Council

"The Seaspiracy film on Netflix raises a wide range of issues relating to our oceans, including questioning the credibility of the sustainable seafood movement and in particular, our organisation, the Marine Stewardship Council. While we agree more attention needs to be given to the crisis of overfishing, we do want to set the record straight on some of the misleading claims in the film:"

[brightlotusmoon]

(oh shit I had too many dabs of Wedding Cake strain and suddenly I want to answer questions about stuff. Now I understand high people going on about things they love. Especially if they're neurodivergent, able to handle the medicine, and get creative and cerebral enough to engage imagination backed by logic.)

I have a headcanon about the ninja turtles being in their twenties and more free to chill, growing cannabis for themselves. They're mutants, they don't follow human laws. They're ninjas and athletes with CPTSD and little aches that may or may not be chronic. Mikey bakes and cooks with the whole plant and Donnie helps him make topicals. Mikey likes using mango butter and cinnamon oil in the topical base.

Okay, I like those things, fine.