#beloved silly bandit friend group

[magulon]

They use Big Man as a blanket its CANON

[screamingatanemptyroom]

Please Fix the Story pt 2 - Zombie Apocalypse

Hey everyone, here is a continuation to the the fix it fic Reverse harem short story I posted a few days ago! 

Part one linked here. 

(FYI although it is a different world, the main character as well as Liam are the same people. As stated at the end of the first part, Liam cannot bring along any memories from prior worlds) 

Enjoy!

__________________________

GRRRR!

I looked around at my surroundings as I arrived in the new world, trying to catch my bearings.

Broken down buildings, abandoned cars, no people around and zombies about to attack… yep, definitely a post-apocalyptic setting.

I was in the middle of a city road, surrounded on all sides by tall, buildings with shattered windows, exposed beams and hanging wires. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I felt the unsettling atmosphere slowly settle over me. There was a strange silence to the world, the absence of people talking, cars honking, electronics beeping. There was just the wind, my breathing and silence…

GRRR.

…and the growls of the twenty or so zombies slowly approaching me.

I climbed up on an abandoned car, trying to catch my bearings. The movement tore at the four or five wounds that were scattered over my body, forcing out a groan of pain.

Multiple bruises, possible broken ribs, several cuts to arms and legs that still have broken bits of glass in them… it’s like I’ve been in a bar brawl.

It was always frustrating before I could accept the memories of my character and the world setting. I had no idea where I was, how I had gotten here, and more importantly what my mission was.

First things first, I need something to defend myself with.To my pleasant surprise, a quick survey of the area revealed a backpack that looked full and a sword resting on the ground nearby.

I jumped down, biting my lip to hold back a cry of pain at the motion, and quickly pulled the backpack on, unsheathing the sword and looking at it. It looked like something out of a museum, with an ornate gold plated hilt and a long, slightly curved blade. The weight and length were just at the limit of what this current body could bear, and I gave the sword a few practice swings with a grin.

Wonder how my character got a hold of a sword… this body doesn’t seem like one that practices fencing.

Putting my questions out of my mind, I held up my sword, centering my thoughts and bringing my heart into focus, just as I had trained in the past.

Fortunately, one of the previous story worlds I had lived through since the day I woke up without memories had been an assassin novel. The mission had been difficult; protecting the assassin’s guild from destruction after the hero left them behind to chase the heroine on an adventure. The author had regretted destroying his beloved family and guild members, and abandoned the novel. So I was tasked with spending years training weapons skills in the group, finally fighting against the rogue gang that attacked and defending the hero’s family in his place. Completing that mission had taken seven years in total, but  on the bright side I had gained a good amount of fighting experience.

I closed my hand over the familiar weight of a sword in my palm. Time to start a new world.At the thought I felt a pang of loneliness and couldn’t help but close my eyes and smile bitterly. How is it that I’ve spent years and years in some of these worlds, and they still didn’t manage to move my heart as much as four weeks spent in a silly high school romance novel world?

“Liam.” I whispered quietly, opening my eyes with a sigh. He had so easily bypassed my defenses, making me care about him to the point that I had hesitated about moving on to the next world.

I have to keep moving forward, it’s my only hope of recovering my memories and going home.

Grrrr.

Thinking about the world and people I had left behind had depressed my mood, but thankfully, an outlet for my emotions had just presented itself on a silver platter.

“Time for some emotional therapy… by killing zombies.” With a  smile I put away all stray thoughts and feelings, suppressed any sensation of pain or fear. There was only me, my sword, and the targets to destroy.

I was ready.

Silent, I sprang forward, my sword raised.

My first slash cut off the nearest zombies arm, the sword slicing through the rotten meat and brittle bones with ease.

Thud.

The arm hit the ground with a dull sound. The zombie’s wide, lidless eyes stared down at the detached limb for a few moments, as if confused, before turning back towards me with renewed energy.

GRRR.

Right, undead. Cutting off limbs won’t do much. So let’s try decapitation.

Ducking under the zombie’s remaining arm, I straightened up behind the monster and aimed this time for the neck.

This time both head and body fell to the ground, and became still.

Success!

The rotten blood and flesh dripped onto my hand from the stained blade. Disgusted, I swung the sword back and forth, which only served to scatter the remnants in the air, releasing a horrific smell. I gagged, forcing myself to breathe through my mouth and leaping at the nearest zombie with a snarl.

“This is so gross!”

SLICE! Two zombies fell to the ground on either side of me.

“I hate this world so much!”

Swish! Slice! THUD!

“WHAT IF THERE’S NO RUNNING WATER AND I CAN’T SHOWER?!!!”

A zombie’s growl cut off suddenly as the head flew out into the distance.

“I don’t even know what the mission is, but it already SUCKS!”

Letting out my frustration, I took out the remaining zombies, standing in place in a puddle of goo, my breaths coming in an out with a harsh gasping sound as my out of shape body tried to catch up with the practiced movements I had just put it through. My heart beat rapidly in my chest, breathing caused sharp pains as my broken ribs protested and made their presence known.

I was injured, I was tired, and I was covered in zombie guts.

I want to go home.

But I didn’t know where home was.

Feeling sorry for myself, I sat down on the ground, pulling out my phone and checking the mission.

“This better be a quick one.”

As I pulled up the familiar screen the first thing I noticed was a notification.

**** CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE LEVELED UP!****

“… Pardon?”

As you continue to complete world missions in an efficient and satisfactory manner, you will gain experience and level up the mission system, allowing you additional benefits and assistance.

A small experience bar glowed at the bottom of the notification, with only a sliver of the space filled in and a large number “2” next to it.

“It took TWELVE worlds for me to get to level 2?!” I fought the desire to throw my phone with rage, and continued to read.

With your new level, you have unlocked key character descriptions and world map in the mission app! As well as… other benefits!

“…” I stared at the screen silently. Why do I feel like this thing is just messing with me now?I’m just going to ignore this. It’s too rage inducing.

I clicked through the message and moved on to the mission description.

**** NEW WORLD: WAR OF THE UNDEAD ****

This post-apocalyptic zombie infested story follows Eric, a young man with a military background and the will to fight as he survives the end of the world. By his side is the love of his life Hannah, who holds his hand through the uneasy tides of crumbling social structures, horrifying monsters and evil villains.

Complaints about the story were rampant as the heroine of the novel was deemed “useless” with no discernable skills, often getting kidnapped and wreaking havoc for Eric to clean up after. Unable to balance the two main leads, the author finally gave up and never finished the story, leading to the world’s instability and eventual destruction.

                                                                               The Author’s wish, and your mission, consists of two parts: First, help the heroine develop into a well-rounded character, able to stand on her own two feet instead of a two dimensional plot device designed to give the hero problems to solve. Second, help humanity establish a good foundation for a new society, leaving the story on a high note with hope for defending against the zombies.

**** DO YOU ACCEPT THIS MISSION?****

I glared at my screen, desperately wishing for a “decline” option.

HELP HUMANITY ESTABLISH A FOUNDATION?!!! HOW LONG IS THAT GOING TO TAKE??

I let out a sad moan, leaning against the broken car and staring up at the dull grey sky with a hopeless gaze.

How long do I have to live in this world and go without a hot shower?

I clicked Accept, my finger stabbing the screen angrily, accomplishing nothing other than a sore fingertip. The memories of my character rushed in, the splitting pain and confusion passing quickly as I accepted them with ease.

“… Well, I guess it could be worse.”

I was a small side character in this story, the spoiled princess of the hero’s group that caused trouble. Upon joining up with their team, she would constantly complain, wishing for luxury and pampering in a world where survival was the only priority. She was tolerated as she had brought with her a large bag of supplies from her family’s mansion, as well as an antique sword that she had taken off the wall as she left, but the goodwill of the hero and his friends quickly ran dry in the face of her spoiled personality and increasingly ridiculous demands.

Finally after several years and multiple fights, her character was kidnapped along with Hannah, the heroine. The hero was forced to choose one to save, and selected his loved one without hesitation. Even at the end her character believed she was too important to be killed, threatening her captors right up until they threw her into a pit of zombies.

It seemed as if I had started this world right after my character had abandoned her first team. They had gotten into a fight with a roaming bandit group, (which explained my current injuries) during which my character had escaped, leaving her teammates behind.

As the story moved on she would then meet up with the hero and his camp, joining and staying alongside them until her untimely demise.

Unfortunately it looks like one of the hero’s companions was a friend of this character, which will make it difficult to explain the large difference in the personality… Rubbing my headthoughtfully as I considered the problem, I finally gave up and sighed. Oh well, the apocalypse changes people, they’ll just have to accept it.

The phone in my hand vibrated once more, with surprise I glanced down at the new alert.

With your level up, you are able to change your character’s name to one of your choosing. All characters’ memories will be adjusted accordingly.

**** Select a character name? ****

I struggled internally with a sudden childish desire to name my character “ass-licker” or something equally stupid, just for the chance to hear everyone have to say it seriously.

But if I was going to spend a few years in this world… that would get old fast.

I slowly typed out a name, a small smile tugging at the corner of my lips.

“Blaire.”

My favorite world so far.A memory I wanted to keep with me.

I wonder what happened to Liam after I left? Before I could consider that thought too closely, a panicked scream broke the silence of the city.

“HELP!”

Following the distressed sounds, I entered a nearby building. In a large open area filled with broken concrete and other debris, a single young man was cornered by three zombies. He held a metal bar in his hands, which he was swinging wildly, barely keeping the monsters at bay. They were slowly crowding him into a corner, but seemed unable to reach any closer. The man continued swinging, all the while a constant stream of half-intelligible cursing and complaints escaping from his mouth.

“Damned traitor…. Make him regret… snap his neck… no that’s too good for him! … boiling… oil… funnel…!”

For all that this is a life threatening situation, why do I get the feeling he seems… like he’s having fun?

Shaking off the wayward thought, I rushed in, sword drawn, striking the zombies down with a few swings. As their heads tumbled to the ground, I kneeled down, using their shredded clothes to carefully clean the blade. As I looked up, I saw the startled face of the man I saved, and felt a moment of panic.

“Liam?”

After staring silently a few moments, I shook my head sadly

It wasn’t him.

He was older, taller, with a slimmer build. His hair, though a similar dark shade, was longer and roughly cut. His face was not the one in my memories, with a slimmer nose and a more pointed chin, but his eyes… they were the exact same shade of dark blue as Liam in the previous world. It was the eyes that had initially caused me to call out, the amused light in them so familiar it was as if he were still right in front of me.

But he wasn’t. I had left that world, and therefore Liam, behind.

“I’m sorry, I mistook you for someone else.”

The man shook his head, his face still pale with shock. “Don’t be sorry! You saved my life!”  He walked forward, holding out a trembling hand to shake. “I’m so glad you showed up when you did!”

I took his hand, trying to smile comfortingly. “Happy to help. Are you going to be okay? How’d you end up here all alone?”

“I got separated from my… friends.” He looked at me closely. “You’re such a strong person, I would have died without you!  I know I’m weaker than you, and might be a burden but… would you… be willing to let me tag along until we get to camp?”

Poor guy, he still looks terrified.I patted him on the shoulder. “Of course.”

He sighed with relief. “Thank you. You’re my hero!”

I laughed at that. “Just call me Blaire.”

“I’m William! But you can call me Liam.”

“Liam?” I paused, unable to hold back from asking.  “I’m sorry… but… have we met before?”

“Hmm… Unfortunately no, I would have definitely remembered you. But perhaps we were fated to meet?” His eyes were clear as he spoke, without any recognition. I frowned.

It can’t be the same person… but he’s just as weird as Liam from the other world, that’s for sure. Unable to shake the sense of familiarity, I sheathed my sword and gestured for him to follow.

“Let’s go.”

“Of course, savior of my life! I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth!”

“… Just to the camp is fine.”

As we stepped out into the street we were immediately confronted by the sight of a large group of tough-looking, scarred men, each carrying multiple weapons. As I tensed up, my hand on my sword hilt, the closest man in the group spotted us, his eyes lighting up with excitement.

“BOSS! You’re still alive!”

I glanced back at Liam, who looked mildly annoyed.

“Boss! We killed the traitor and brought back the weapons he stole from you!”

Tossing out a duffel bag, the zipper was open enough to spot multiple guns, grenades and other deadly weapons.

“…”

“…”

We all stared at the bag in silence for a few moments.

“Boss?” I finally asked.

He gave an awkward grin. “It’s just a friendly nickname.”

“So I’m guessing you won’t need my protection on the way to the nearest camp.” Feeling mildly disappointed, I stepped away, preparing to leave. Only to pause at Liam’s panicked shout.

“Wait, no!” He stepped closer, waving his arms frantically. “I definitely need your protection! These guys are just joking! I’m actually quite a weakling, and desperately need someone strong like you to look after me.”

“What are you saying boss?” One of the goons interrupted. “You’re probably the most deadly man alive…”

THUD

A stone flew through the air, striking the man between the eyes, and knocking him to the ground.

“Shut. Up.” Liam hissed,

“OUCH! That hurt!”

“Now you tell this beautiful woman who saved my life and has promised to protect me how weak and helpless I am!”

The large muscular men all turned towards me, terror in their eyes.

“Boss is the weakest!”

“Definitely weak!”

“He needs protection!”

“He’d die without you!”

“…” I gave Liam a look. Do you really think I’d buy this?

His response was a shameless smile. “Don’t worry, I won’t drag you down! I’ll cook for you!”

“…”

“Run errands!”

“…”

“Do housework!”

I finally spoke up. “Really? You’d do all that?”

“Yes, I…”

“You can’t expect the Boss to act like a servant!!” One of the men burst out angrily, only to fly back as another stone struck him in the face. Another burly, scarred thug took his place.

“Ahem. What my friend meant to say is, Boss is highly skilled in all of these tasks. He’s great husband material!”

Liam gave the man a thumbs up. “Shark, you’re a smart fellow. You’ve just been promoted to my new right hand man!”

“Thanks Boss!”

“Now take care of things while my life savior and hopefully future wife escorts me back!” He grabbed the duffel bag, offering the contents to me before choosing a small handgun and a grenade for himself and handing the rest to Shark.

The man took the remaining weapons with a terrifying smile. “Definitely!” With a sharp whistle, he and the other men quickly turned around and ran away, dragging the injured man who had protested Liam taking on cleaning duties behind them.

“…” I watched this all with confusion. How did the title of future wife get added on to a simple request to escort him to camp?I almost told him to go away, but hesitated. Faced with his almost puppy-like look of anticipation I swallowed the words I was about to say, helplessly turning back in the direction of the hero’s camp. “Let’s go.”

__________________________

We traveled together for a few days, and I found Liam to be an entertaining companion. At each stop he would light a fire, cook a meal, and arrange the camp. Any offers to help were met with stiff resistance.

“You’re the one doing me the favor.” He answered once with a smile. “I’m just trying to support you!”

“…”

“You know…” He added nervously. “If you think that I’m useful… I’d be happy to work for you full time in exchange for your protection.”

“…”

“For example, if we got married it would be super convenient to bring me along as your support husband.”

I sighed quietly, rubbing my head. “You know we’ve only known each other three days right?”

“The great thing about that concern is that it becomes less relevant the longer we’re together!” He grinned briefly, before putting on a serious expression.

“You asked me once if we met before… and even though I know we haven’t I can’t shake the feeling that I know you. As if there’s a voice shouting from the depths of my soul, telling me that if I lose you I’ll regret it forever, but if I can stay by your side I’ll be the happiest man alive.”

I couldn’t help but shake my head. He reminds me so much of Liam spouting his minion nonsense. But if he’s the same person… how did he follow me here?

“By the way… if you thought that sounded poetic, I would like to add ‘well-spoken’ and ‘artistic’ to the lists of attractive traits that I bring to the table as a potential husband or even just a good lackey.”

“…” Let’s just ignore him and get to camp as soon as possible.

__________________________

We arrived at the camp. Fortunately our path had been fairly clear, we met very few zombies on our way. As we walked up to the camp entrance, and attractive man and woman met us, their expressions somewhat guarded.

“Who are you and why are you here?” The man called out.

I paused a good distance away to avoid seeming to threatening, and studied him closely. He looked to be in his mid twenties, with close-cropped hair and classically handsome features. He had a gun at his hip, and a knife close to his hand, obviously ready to respond to any danger.

Smells like a male lead.

I held up my hands, showing that they were empty of weapons and tried to appear friendly.

“I’m Blaire. I’ve recently split from another roaming group and was hoping to join your camp here.” I carefully put my backpack of supplies on the ground and opened it, showing off the contents. “I’ll share some of my supplies. I’m also decent with a sword, and can add to your fighting force.”

The man looked both me and the bag over carefully. “I’m Eric.” He finally spoke up, his expression slightly more relaxed. He pointed at Liam who still stood next to me. “Who’s your friend?”

“I’m Liam, her lackey!” He announced before I could say something. “Also hopeful suitor.”

“Are you joining as well?”

“Of course!”

I glanced over at him. “What about your gang?”

“What gang?”

“…”

“… Those punks you met earlier? They’ll be fine.”

I sighed and turned back towards the hero of the story. “So what’s your answer?”

He watched us both, obviously thinking carefully. “On a trial basis.” He turned around, carefully protecting the delicate young woman next to him. She was petite, barely coming up to Eric’s shoulder, and had a fair complexion already turning red in the sun. Her eyes were large with an innocent light in them, as she stared at me with a nervous look.

This must be Hannah, our heroine. She definitely seems… easy to kidnap. So helping her become a well-rounded character is mission number one, huh? I followed behind them, my mind racing with plans to help turn her into a force to be reckoned with in this post-apocalyptic wasteland.

This is going to be fun!I rubbed my hands together, a villainous laugh escaping me.

Liam poked my arm, whispering. “Blaire, although I personally think your evil laugh is wonderful, and I could listen to it all day… I feel like I should warn you that you’re scaring the young girl over there.”

I paused, catching Hannah’s terrified expression, and tried to give her a reassuring smile. In response her face turned even more pale under her sunburn, and she hugged Eric tightly as if wanting to escape.

“Was my smile that terrifying?” I leaned over towards Liam and asked quietly.

“I’m the wrong person to ask. I find your strength and ability to intimidate the masses vastly reassuring.”

“Thanks… I guess.”

I followed the lead characters into the camp silently, Liam following close behind me.

It was time to save the story.

And… hopefully find a way to shower.

[monkeyandelf]

New Post has been published on Buzz News from Monkey & Elf |

New Post has been published on https://www.monkeyandelf.com/best-christmas-movies-10-best-xmas-films-to-stream-these-holidays/

Best Christmas movies: 10 best Xmas films to stream these holidays

Ho ho ho! It's that time of year again! You know, the time where families all around Australia get together to eat, drink, be merry, open presents and suffer through the sweltering summer heat while watching winter-set Christmas movies! 

Now, thanks to the magic of streaming, it's possible to watch a number of classic holiday movies on demand – right from the air-conditioned comfort of your living room. It's a Christmas miracle!

To make this the most holly jolly Xmas ever, we've taken the liberty of browsing Netflix, Stan, Amazon Prime Video and Foxtel Now in order to curate the perfect list of seasonal films to watch these holidays. Without further ado, here are the best Christmas-themed movies currently streaming in Australia. 

Don't like Christmas movies? These are the best movies on Netflix Australia

Christmas gift ideas 2017: the best tech gifts in Australia for every budget

Every year around this time, people continue to ask the very easy to answer question: is Die Hard a Christmas movie? The answer, obviously, is yes. Bruce Willis stars as John McClane, a New York cop who travels over to Los Angeles to spend Christmas with the family he's separated from. While visiting his wife's Christmas party in the Nakatomi Plaza, a group of terrorists take the building under siege, and now, it's up to John to save everybody. A definitive action classic, Die Hard sits alongside Lethal Weapon as one of the best holiday-set action movies ever made. 

Die Hard is available on Foxtel Now

Will Ferrell is delightful as Buddy, a human raised by Elves who travels from the North Pole to New York in an effort to reunite with his biological father, played here by James Caan. It's also from director Jon Favreau (Iron Man, The Jungle Book), so this isn't your usual throwaway Christmas comedy. Both silly and moving, Elf is the kind of Christmas movie that everyone in the family can enjoy. 

Elf is available on Netflix

Billy Bob Thornton isn't your ordinary Santa. In fact, the guy he plays here is a total scumbag in pretty much every sense of the word – which is what makes him so hilarious when dealing with impressionable children! Things start to change (slightly) when he meets a troubled kid who could do with a role model. Crass and not for the easily offended, Bad Santa is the perfect Christmas movie for people who hate Christmas movies.

Bad Santa is available on Netflix

The film that (briefly) made Macaulay Culkin a star, Home Alone is one of the most fun and inventive Christmas movies ever made. When the McCallister family accidentally leaves him at home for the Christmas holidays, Kevin (Culkin) thinks his wishes have come true. Though he initially loves that his annoying family isn't around, that joy is short-lived – a pair of burglars called the Wet Bandits have plans on robbing his home, and now Kevin must get creative and booby trap his entire home in order to keep them out. 

Home Alone is available on Foxtel Now

Starring the legendary entertainer Bing Crosby, you'd be forgiven for thinking that his classic song, White Christmas, was made for this film. In fact, that song was released 12 years earlier, showing just how much of a lasting impact the song has enjoyed since its release in 1942. A wonderful musical comedy for the whole family, White Christmas is the very definition of a classic Xmas movie.

White Christmas is available on Netflix

Considered one of the greatest films ever made, Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life is perhaps the most beloved Christmas movie of all. James Stewart plays a depressed businessman who wishes he'd never been born at all. An angel hears his wish, and decides to show him what life would be like for his family and friends if he'd never existed at all. At once terribly sad and then tremendously heartwarming, It's a Wonderful Life is impossible to dislike.

It's a Wonderful Life is available on Amazon Prime Video

Loosely based on Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, Scrooged sees Bill Murray do what he does best: play a hilarious jerk who eventually learns how to be a good person. While not immediately loved at the time of its release (a large part is due to its humour being quite silly), it has since developed a bit of a following, with people realising that Bill Murray is simply great at this kind of thing. Funny and touching.

Scrooged is available on Netflix

The Brits are great at Christmas-set romantic comedies (see The Holiday), but their best and most memorable is arguably Love Actually, which is from the makers of Four Weddings and a Funeral and Notting Hill. The film follows eight different couples living in London in the lead up to Christmas, each with their own love-based entanglements to deal with. A hilarious and sweet Christmas flick. Watch it with someone you love.

Love Actually is available on Stan

Not every Christmas movie is a jolly ol' time! On the contrary, some people want their holiday movies tinged with horror. For those unfamiliar with the folkloric figure known as Krampus, this half-goat, half-demon is like the opposite of Santa Claus, in that he punishes naughty children by eating them. Starring Adam Scott (Parks and Recreation) and Toni Collette (Muriel's Wedding), Krampus does have a slight comedic tone at times, but don't be fooled – this is one scary flick with a killer ending. Maybe send the kids to bed before watching this one!

Krampus is available on Netflix

Not in Australia? Here are the best Christmas movies and TV shows on Netflix UK

The stories of Dr Seuss hold a special place in the hearts of many generations, and this adaptation of How the Grinch Stole Christmas is a spot-on take on this classic material. As the titular Grinch, Jim Carrey gives one of his most memorable performances under an enormous amount of makeup and in a huge furry green costume. Though the Grinch spends his time trying to make the citizens of Whoville miserable, a young girl (Taylor Momsen) attempts to befriend this monster to melt his frozen heart. A fantastic and family-friendly Christmas movie. 

Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas is available on Amazon Prime Video

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